-Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when their love is unrequited. It eventually leads to suffocation of the diseased.
Killua twisted his head around to frown at Gon. “What are you doing now?”
“Making a list…” Gon muttered, an intense look of concentration on his face.
Killua raised an eyebrow. A list, huh? He leaned forward on the park’s table, asking, “Of what?”
“Of all the guys we know.”
Killua couldn’t help himself- he snorted. “I already told you, Gon. Give it up.”
“I won’t!” Gon snapped, not even pausing to stop his writing. “I can’t just- I have to do something, Killua! If you just tell me who you’re in love with-”
“I’m not going to,” Killua said shortly, even as his heart sang: its you, its you, its-
You. Its always been you.
“Then-” Gon’s hand moved faster, “- I’m not gonna stop, either!”
Killua scowled. Gon was so stubborn sometimes. It made Killua’s head pound. But he should’ve known this is how his best friend would react after Killua told him about the disease.
Hanahaki. The disease of love. How was it even possible for a sickness like that to even exist?!
Killua didn’t know. If only feelings could be just that- simple emotions, unable to have any physical effect on one’s body. But the world didn’t work like that because the world was as cruel as it was unfair, and Killua couldn’t do anything to stop his love for Gon from manifesting inside of him. Killua’s love curled and grew and sometimes when he thought about it too much, he imagined he could actually feel the flower sitting at the bottom of his throat.
It was a weird sensation. But the thing only hurt him when the flower’s petals blocked his windpipe; when he had to cough them up to breathe again.
Killua didn’t get it, the disease or his own emotions or how the flower in his throat somehow knew Gon didn’t love him back. Not like that, at least.
But I do know one thing, he thought with a helpless smile as he watched Gon’s brow furrow and his tongue stick out between those soft lips-
Killua was heads-over-heels in love with Gon Freecss. He was one hundred percent smitten with his best friend. And Killua would die before Gon ever found out.
Killua’s heart lurched painfully. Something inside him shifted slightly and Killua’s eyes flew open wide- the flower- when he tried to inhale but suddenly couldn’t.
“Ki-Killua?!” Gon jumped off the bench and ran over to Killua’s side as Killua coughed violently. “Killua! Killua, what’s-”
Killua couldn’t hear him. His vision blurred. His throat was on fire. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe-
He bend over his knees, shuddering, and gave one last cough.
A handful of soft, velvety petals tumbled out of his mouth and onto the grass.
For a long minute, they said nothing. Gon was frozen, hand hovering over Killua’s shoulder blades, but Killua barely noticed his presence. He was too busy gasping for air as tremors left his entire body shuddering.
There was still something heavy that tasted of metal and iron in the back of his throat. A second later Killua spat out a clot of blood onto the pile of already scarlet-stained petals.
“Ugh,” he rasped, finally. “Fucking- stupid flower.”
He coughed again and he faintly heard Gon’s detached voice-
“…is it always like this?”
Killua squinted up at Gon. His face was white. He stared at the flower petals with glossy gold-brown eyes and Killua’s stomach plummeted to the ground.
Damnit. Killua hadn’t meant for Gon to see this.
“No,” Killua said and Gon looked at him sharply. “I’m not lying, I swear! Its not normally like this.”
Most of the time it wasn’t, at least. But the symptoms were worsening, had been doing so ever since Killua told Gon about the disease. Seeing Gon react with such horror and overwhelming misery had only somehow made Killua’s ridiculous feelings for him grow.
Killua wasn’t sure how much worse the symptoms could get, at this point. But if it did get worse, it would only be a matter of time until…
Gon’s face hardened. Killua felt Gon’s hand curl into a fist on top of Killua’s back as his best friend swore, “I’m gonna save you, Killua.”
Killua swallowed thickly. He didn’t say: You can’t. You didn’t even know what was happening until I told you, how can you hope to save me now?
Instead, he said, “You’re stubborn streak is going to get you in trouble one day, Gon. Trust me when I say that this isn’t something you can save me from.”
Gon shook his head vigorously. “I don’t care! I’ll do whatever I can to save you anyway, because…”
His voice trailed off and, to Killua’s immense shock, his best friend’s normally tan cheeks darkened.
“B-Because?” Killua managed to stutter, pulse racing, flying, soaring-
Gon took a deep breath. “Because you’re my best friend, Killua. And I care about you too much to let you go that easily. No one could ever amount to how important you are to me, so I won’t let anyone take you away. No matter how much you love them.”
“I’m sorry, Killua. I know you that like this guy a lot, whoever he is, but I refuse to do nothing and let you die. So you’re gonna have to deal with me meddling in your life for a little bit, okay?”
Killua gaped. He stared openly at Gon as the shorter teen strode back around the table, sitting down and going back to his list with a single-minded determination that set his gold eyes aglow.
Killua shut his mouth. There was something warm unfurling inside his chest, right where his heart was. It made his toes curl in his sneakers and Killua dropped his gaze to the park’s wooden table. His cheeks were uncomfortably hot.
This feeling was different then the one when his body rejected the death flower. This feeling was soft, warm, peaceful. Gentle.
Killua peaked up at Gon through silver lashes. The other teen was too absorbed in his work to notice Killua’s gaze but that was fine.
Killua didn’t mind the flower in his throat because he didn’t mind- couldn’t regret- loving Gon. But he also couldn’t help the small flame of hope that flared inside his heart, fluttering against his ribs like a dove waiting to be set free.
Maybe, if he was lucky, Gon would figure out the whole truth behind Killua’s
Hanahaki Disease. Maybe, if he was the luckiest person on earth, Gon might just love Killua back.
Maybe, Killua could live on with Gon at his side, and he at Gon’s.
But for now all he could do was wait. Because if Gon did find out that he was the person who made Killua’s flower grow, he would wither away with guilt. And Killua would let himself suffocate before putting that heavy weight on Gon’s shoulders.
So. He would wait, and hope.
Killua lifted his face to the sun’s rays, enjoying the warmth across his forehead and nose, and smiled despite himself as he listened to Gon’s pencil scratch another name onto the list.
“TheCoursers are designed to be elite killing machines.
They are noted
to be exceptional even for synths, as they possess exceptional strength, combat prowess, awareness and endurance. It is stated
that Coursers are designed to be smarter, faster, stronger, and more perceptive”
My BOYFRIEND took me to a chill record store the other night 😏
Sorry I’ve been MIA recently I’ve just been working like crazy and with this one. I miss everyone and everyone seems super busy 😩so if anyone is free please hmu I’m getting bored laying in bed reading with this one all the time 💖