My mother is in a cell. Locked up and in a cell with Maggie. I have someone working on a bomb to blow a hole in the ship she came in. There was an almost spy I am still not sure I dealt with the right way and now…on top of all of this Moni flew into a rage last night because I tried a little bit of opium.
I don’t even know how or what to start with. My papers are a mess across my vanity. In a few moments I will give the order to have Maggie pulled form the cell. Alright so I do know where to start. They know Maggie in there is a ruse to get my mother to talk, but they will have to be rough with her to keep up the front. This makes me feel ill that anything under my roof would hurt her in any way. Even if it was her idea to play it out like this.
I saw mother in the cell. For a moment I locked eyes with her. What did I expect? Maybe I thought I would feel something or that she would be different then what I had been told what little I could remember of her. It was just anger in my chest, the feeling of the wolf beating inside my ribcage begging to be let out so I could…what? Attack her? Scare her? Runaway faster?
It has confirmed something that Cook told me once. One of the few times I had asked about her. He had said that I looked a great deal like my mother. That is true and it make me want to retch. Maybe that is why I can’t even stomach the thought of tea. Or maybe it has to do with the idea of Maggie in a cell even if it was her idea.
In fact the more I think about it more frustrated it makes me. Looking up I catch the smallest of glimpse in the mirror. It’s to much and taking my hand, all my worg strength behind it I smash the glass in to a million pieces. It cracks and splitters sliding down on to the vanity and my paper work. This is followed by drops of my own blood. Picking up a scarf I wrap it around the worst of the cuts. No time to have it looked at and besides I am in no mood to talk to anyone. To much still to work out.
The ship and the message I want to send I can push that from my mind. Let Larkin deal with that. Let her prove I can trust her. I don’t want to hurt her. Giving her a task seeing what she dose with it is better. Good fine that’s sorted at lest.
As for Moni. This is not the day to deal with that. I can only hope she stays away. Right now I am not myself and I have no idea what might happen.