but the kind that's not really a joke

the 99 squad as john mulaney quotes
  • Jake Peralta: I have had a very long day. I am very small... and I have no money... so you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.
  • Amy Santiago: Occasionally you get that one person that says "I really like that one part of this joke" and you go, "Oh thank you that's my favorite part too." But no, in order for it to be authentic hopefully you have jokes that everyone can just get on board with and then you have a few things for yourself.
  • Charles Boyle: The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
  • Rosa Diaz: Some babies will point at me, and I don't care for that shit at all.
  • Raymond Holt: When I was a little boy, I was more like a 67-year-old gay man that's kind of over it sexually.
  • Terry Jeffords: Everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds.
  • Gina Linetti: I look like I was just sitting in a room in a chair eating saltines for like, 28 years, and then I walked right out here.
  • Kevin Cozner: I'll keep my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll die.
  • Cheddar: Why do people shush animals? They've never spoken.
how I see the signs and what I want them to know
  • (side note - View of a Virgo rising, Leo sun in the 12th, Libra moon in 2nd, mercury Cancer in 11th, venus Leo in 12th, mars Leo in 11th)
  • Aries: was once my best friend, she made literally everything in my life brighter and always helped me to just enjoy things and stop worrying all the time. Also great hugs. Just simply has that energy, wherever it may be - physically, mentally, staying up until you binge watched that show, giving you their last money so you can get yourself something to eat before you starve to death, always down for a talk and a walk even if they had a packed schedule. Please don't miss out on times when you just have to take a day off to get your beautiful and strong energy back. I care about your health so please don't forget to eat properly and don't miss out on that quality time if needed.
  • Taurus: a girl from my drama class and my little sisters moon sign, I am just so in love with your sense for aesthetic. Total sunshines. I feel like I can always rely on you, super compassionate and knows how to make you feel comfortable when youre not. I love that when you have a goal in your mind, you will give your everything to achieve that! Also so humble but like I want you so desperately to know how beautiful I think you are!! I enjoy your company a lot. Please don't be afraid of changes, I know that's such a mainstream thing to write for Taurus but I really do believe that maybe sometimes you need to be reminded that life can also begin at the end of your comfort zone.
  • Gemini: a guy and a girl from biology class, I am literally stunned at how much these people know. Eloquent fluffballs. I could listen to you spreading knowledge 24/7, make great jokes in my opinion and just kind of knows... everyone?? Get along with so many people, can be very chill but also full of energy when they're talking about things they are interested in. Also fun-fact kings and queens. Please remind yourself to stay loyal to your true friends, you may know many people with whom you get along with so well and for sure everyone is intersting in their own way, but it's very possible to feel lonely in a crowd. Your closest friends will always get you out of that and help you, I promise.
  • Cancer: a close friend of mine, literally the most caring person I've ever met. Actual comedians. I don't know I just straight up fell in love with your humour. All the Cancers I know have or had some extreme physical problems going on, please get well soon if you read this and you're also not feeling well. Mentally on the next level, strong and kind of unbreakable. Don't hide their feelings because they just know that when you bottle up your feelings it's never going to end well. They just get you and will be there for you no matter what. Please take care of yourself just as well as you do with your friends and family, you are a true blessing and it's definitely okay to rant or cry or just let it all out.
  • Leo: my english teacher and a guy I used to be close with, very often completely misunderstood and taken for granted, which can lead to unhealthy behaviour. Will make you feel great after a plain shit day. I strive to be this talented at just expressing myself or being confident, even if you just want the world to think you are confident when you're actually not. Cuddly queens and kings. Better not hurt their pride because it took them a lot of time to actually get to that level and in a world where people hate on you for loving yourself, to them it feels like, despite all their work, they are not worth of loving themselves. Please don't forget that although sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror and like what you see, there are caring and warm-hearted people who love you just the way you are.
  • Virgo: a girl in my class I simply adore, I always annoy you with my endless compliments. Kind of just in love with these down-to-earth and sweet people. Either super chill or worried a lot, I wish I could just hug you until you feel less stressed. Smol but strong beans you can learn a lot from. So reliable, I actually hate doing group projects and always want to do everything myself but since you share that opinion we created something I was really proud of and now we always do them together. Please remember that passion is something you shouldn't be ashamed of, you simply don't have to be because it's something you love and your needs are valid. Also dreaming big, it's possible, especially for you so why not?
  • Libra: a girl I recently got to know and am already completely amazed by, literal social butterflies who sometimes only know in hindsight how much they enjoyed the company of someone because they adapt so easily and it's rare to find someone where you can just simply be yourself. Love how they view life and that they make me want to talk more. Very open and you never feel excluded because they just know how to include everyone. Please don't forget to remind yourself who you truly are and not to lose yourself in another person, because there really is only one you no matter how good you are at adapting to literally every social situation, you are amazing and I want you to be comfortable as well.
  • Scorpio: my dad and my ex boyfriend's mom, two very caring peole in their own way. I always love how sharp their sarcasm can be. Can comfort extremely well when they want to. So many secrets and things to know about them that I can lose myself in them wanting to explore whats actually behind their shell. Teaches you life lessons. Please don't forget that humans aren't flawless and that's completely okay. You don't have to hold onto old grudges, communication is key and talking about these things, confronting these people who did you wrong will help you grow as a person.
  • Sagittarius: an old friend of mine, very cute people who get interested in so many things and they are so versatile and adventurous I absolutely love their lively nature. Memes™. Total dorks you can fall for in a second. Are actually the best partners to just talk to about anything because they will be interested and share their opinion with you. Please remind yourself that cutting off people can be a very wise decision and you don't have to keep up with everyones shit if that's just not what you're in for.
  • Capricorn: I am literally so attracted to these people it's unreal, although I kind of always think that they don't like me...... anyways, my bigger twin sisters are caps and they are humble souls who really had to fight for a lot in life sadly. So proud of you. Keep up with the hard work, you really deserve everything. So realistic and pure I have heart eyes. Supportive and extremely loyal. Will stand up for you if you need it. Straight face™ but still manages to make even the most serious people laugh. Please remind yourself to not overdo it with the work, take a day off to relax and let yourself go maybe, even if it's hard - with the right people you don't ever have to be afraid of being yourself.
  • Aquarius: my ex boyfriend whom I had a crush on for like 4 years, teached me great life lessons. Will always have a weakness for aquas, they just attract me so much, how much of a fluffy dork can you be tbh? Capacity of acceptance is incredible. So much fun to be with. Are kind of just good at everything? You can talk to them about anything, it won't feel weird, they won't question it and just talk to you about that topic. So friendly, an underrated trait in my opinion, just complete and simple friendliness you enjoy to the fullest. Please remind yourself to let people not only see your amazing shell but also your stunning core, there are people who love to talk about the same things you love and nothing about you is weird, you are special and I absolutely love it.
  • Pisces: a very sweet guy I've been texting with for the past months, very open minded and also have that sensitivity I strive to have. Very inspirational smol puppy. Actual daydreamers™, may be late to school but love deeply and would never neglect your love. Kind of hate almost everything that's planned out? (I'm sorry I just love to plan things out) will hug you no matter what. Does not fear to dream big, is very talented at artsy stuff in my opinion. Please don't forget that even if it seems hard, and yes our school system is kind of very bad,we get to have that education and your dreams will be reality if you work hard enough to achieve them. You have so much potential, please don't ever waste it.
  • Interviewer: Why is your name Markiplier?
  • What Mark says: it's Mark and multiplier, it's my name and that word... that's just it really...
  • What Mark means: haha jokes on you multiplier means I'm gonna make a dark version of myself who wants to possess me and hurt everyone a crazy reporter with a pink mustache who's trigger happy a robot with a primary objective to answer everything but secondary objective to destroy mankind a man who writes and hosts everything that can happens a doctor who tells everything bad and the worst kind a game show host who has a killing rule an obsessed guy to their crush and kills everyone who-
  • david 8: do you want to see my children??
  • oram: no. not really
  • david 8: well that's too bad
  • david 8: *pulls out 17 lovingly hand drawn pictures of neomorphs from his pockets* this one's named byron, and that's shelley, and here's wilde. like oscar wilde, it's actually kind of a joke, since the rest were named after writers but she was also out of control

rina-gamer666  asked:

I think people have to stop shipping u with everyone, even if that's a joke

I’ll put it like this:
Imagine a very close related to you is dead.
And everyone is now talking about that person and mocking at them.
Yes, people.
Yes yes yes, I broke up with a person.
You probably don’t know how does it feels because you are too young and you think everything is happiness and kisses and rainbows.
Can you please.
Please.
Stop asking me these kind of things?

I’m really tired and this is not helping.

anonymous asked:

why wont the "ironic" dan hate will stop:(

this is a thing i have a long opinion about so get ready lol. i assume youre referring to the reply someone tweeted calling dans posts overrated and stale but that was a funny reply to his instagram coffee post. i personally think its just a joke and that he would find it funny as well - we all know that he enjoys joking around with us. but there is a big part of the ironic hate that really bugs me and i wish people would stop doing it.

a lot of people defend phil when he gets any hate (nothing wrong with that! just adding here for comparison) but when it comes to dan those same people will call his videos annoying, boring, not special etc. and, you know, everyone has opinions on things but those people do it because “oh hes dan, he can take the hate”.

do you ever just stop and admire how flustered he gets when someone compliments him? its so adorable, he gets all giggly and blushes and lately you can see that even more. its okay to joke with things like this coffee post (needless to say that it has its own limits as well) but when those jokes start to turn into general rudeness thats when it crosses the line. 

i remember when he talked about making a really important video earlier this year. everyone got really excited but instead of that video he uploaded another episode of the internet support group. now some people just said “oh well he just didnt feel like uploading that video anymore, i respect that” but others freaked out soo much! they started to complain (and that complaining went over the kind critical opinion line) but they did it all because “he can take it”. if i was him, i would have felt very insecure and self conscious. (a little tangent here - i feel like something people often forget is that in the end, we are their audience. we are not their friends or family and we dont have the right to know certain things they decide to keep private. we also dont have the right to directly control what they put on youtube - its their channels anyway)

in conclusion, joking is fine on certain things but when youre straight up insulting him under the excuse of “he doesnt care, he can manage it”, it just isnt okay. yes, he has been on the internet long enough to know he is gonna get hate one way or another, but its so easy to just be kind! especially when we know how much thinking and effort goes into his content.

  • Kara: So i'm going to go to L-Corp.
  • Alex: Yes.
  • Kara: Walk straight past the security and Jess.
  • Alex: Yes.
  • Kara: And i'm not even gonna knock on her door!
  • Alex: No, definitely no knocking. Straight on in, Kara.
  • Kara: I'll walk in there and i'll say, 'Lena, it's time you and I had a talk.'
  • Alex: That's good.
  • Kara: I won't even give her time to respond.
  • Alex: Nope. You go in there. And you say what you need to say.
  • Kara: I'll say, 'Lena, i think you're... you're incredibly intelligent and the work you do is inspiring. And then i'll say, 'you're kind and compassionate, and you have the most beautiful smile' like wow, she really does Alex have you-
  • Alex: Yes, yes. Keep going.
  • Kara: Right. And i'll say,'And you always laugh at my jokes even when they're not super great... and especially on game night! When no one else laughs you just laugh anyway, oh, and i love having you as my partner in scrabble- uh, i might scrap that part about scrabble actually-- anyway, and i like spending time with you. All the time. I could spend all my time with you.
  • Alex: Now wrap it up...
  • Kara: Okay. So, 'Lena', i'll say. 'What i really wanted to tell you was that i...'
  • Alex: ...
  • Kara: I...
  • Alex: ...
  • Kara: Love...
  • Alex: ...
  • Kara: ... Love the view out your window is that a helicopter i can see bec-
  • Alex: KARA
  • Kara: Ughhhhh i can't do it! I just keep picturing her face and i get really nervous!
  • Alex: TRY AGAIN

i love how much amazing art of loki is going around, makin him look like a stud or somethin, but have u considered, silly “ill do anything to make someone laugh” loki

Garrus in ME2: hahaha y’know I don’t even find humans physically attractive? It’s not really a species I’m into. I mean what do I even compliment on? None of it really does it for me, I just think Shepard is cool. She has good hair… I guess??

Garrus in ME3: Daaaaaaaamn gurl~!!  👀❤️ 👀👌💦

anonymous asked:

How would Todoroki, Bakugou and Deku react being confessed to?

Bakugou
Not well. It dosnt register in his mind at all like ‘what are you saying? what do you mean you like me? is this a joke?’ And thats exactly how he’ll take it. One big joke to make fun of his horrible social skills. He’d ask them if they think their being funny and tell them to not waste his time.

Todoroki
He would kind of see it coming and wouldn’t be too surprised. His reaction would really depend on how he felt about them. If he didn’t have any feelings for them he wouldn’t beat around the bush and would just tell them ‘thank you, but I dont feel the same.’ If he did like them, he’d show a bit of surprise by the way his eyes would widen slightly and would accept their feeling

Midoriya
He goes blank for all of ten seconds before it hits him that he was just confessed to and then his face goes red. It doesn’t matter if he feels the same back or not he is so flustered that someone would have a crush on him he wouldn’t be able to function.

RFA: MC On Her Period

Heey! I’m in love with your blog and I would love to have you as a friend >w< Can I make a request on how would the RFA+V react to MC while on her period? Thank you in advance <3

Admin Ella Aww you can message me and the admins any time

Yoosung

- Has no clue at all

- Why are you in pain??? Did you eat something bad?????

- Treats you like you have a cold Yoosung pls

- When you tell him what you’re actually going through, Yoosung turns R E D

- Probably searches the internet for how to help with periods

Zen

- Surprisingly squeamish with blood 

- Especially when you’re the one bleeding

- Absolutely freaks out when he seems some blood in the trash 

- You had to awkwardly explain that you weren’t bleeding from an injury

- You vowed to wrap your bloodied…. items… tightly next time

Jaehee

- Being a woman, she knows how to help you deal with period pains and such

- Always stocked with pads and such

 - Has some painkillers for cramps as well 

- Usually avoids unhealthy foods, but buys chocolate and snacks whenever you’re having intense pains 

Jumin

- Only knows about the technicalities of menstruation 

- Googles about periods and thinks the jokes are all legit facts

- Buys you chocolate and tries to avoid you bc thats what the internet said???

- Once you properly explain how you’re feeling, he absolutely sPOILS you

- Getting all the sweets and snacks you want isn’t always a good thing though…

Seven

- Actually really knowledgable probably to be convincing while crossdressing

- He has a ton of honey butter chips so you always have some snacks to satisfy your cravings

- Helps with constant cuddles and jokes

- Dresses in drag to get you pads/tampons 

- Secretly terrified whenever you’re in pain

[V and unknown] 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

all jokes aside the fact that dan was genuinely upset at the situation with phil at the gym makes me really warm bc he's proven himself to be the kind of person that doesn't tolerate people hurting his loved ones and i think that's such a nice quality and he's such a good person and i love him dearly

phils video was meant to make the entire situation into something other people can laugh at but im sure something like that actually is upsetting to some degree like i would actually cry if something like that happened to me and i know id be mad if it happened to someone i care about a lot because it was more than just some bizarre misunderstanding, it was a shitty personal trainer who wouldn’t listen? dan getting genuinely angry over it made me feel emotionanal

anonymous asked:

RIP everyone, the sweet release of death is on its way

thats real cute and nihilistic of you, but im legit freaking out rn. im worried about my FL friends, if my home, and series, will survive or not, and how im going to study for my major med school exam in 2 weeks with no fucking house or internet. one of the strongest natural disasters of its kind ever recorded really isn’t a joking matter. theres going to be a death toll, people are going to lose their homes statewide, countless lives are going to change for the worse. so please dont send me this sophomoric meme shit. i have enough stress as it is. thx

hey yeah im excited about the thing too but pls remember that it really bothers pete, and probably the rest of the band too, when you tell them you hate them/want to fight them. i know its a joke and so do they but anxiety is a bitch and im sure thats nerve wracking. pls be kind no matter what happens <3

I was bombed with asks that Im so cute today ha ha thank you. The camera can lie, just so you know.

Anyway when I was small I was being call ugly A LOT, by both children my age and adults. I still remembered they used to call me one of the ugliest one in the neighborhood. I got all the ugly facial features (in Asian sense): broad forehead, curved lips, bend nose and teeth goes all wrong lol. Even now I still leave my teeth like that it looks like rabbits teeth and people would advise me to fix it but yeah I dont think so.

When I was 18 my face just changed by itself and somehow I look a little better. But guys still think Im ugly, well to be pretty in Vietnamese sense you must have round eye round face and nice smile. But my face is really slim and thin, so overall I can look like someone can kill you sometimes. My friend told me that I should smile more because my feature is really cold and strict. They would tell me I should try to me more girly or boys won’t want me. Not my fault dude, mother made me this way.

Sometimes people still advise me to go through facial surgery and fix my teeth but I dont really care, because I dont care about my look that much. If I was like normal girl with that kind of mean joke since childhood could make me suffer really bad anxiety problem but I think my stuborness just like to rebel. And also I think Im rad af thats better lol

My point is that maybe you actually are very pretty in some senses, just like me, so dont bother by some who cant appreciate your beauty, just wave at them so fabulously and: “I was born this way hey I was born this way hey Im on the right track baby I was born this way hey”

mutantgurls  asked:

Last, role reversal voltron au. You can switch any characters u want.

ooooh, don’t hand me so much power, ill go crazy with it.

i’ve seen alot of fics and art of where Lance and Shiro switch places, and they are a dream come true for langst writers ( and shance shippers) everywhere. i personally love them!

but what about Lance and Matt switching spots?

like Matt is great friends with Shiro, but has always struggled with getting out of the cargo pilots classes to be able to show that he’s capable of so much more; and Lance being a great engineer and scientist who is pretty nerdy, but still the same lovable goof ball who loves anything to do with space exploration.

Lance would go up with Matt’s dad and Shiro and we would follow the usual plot, just with Matt being the Blue paladin instead of Lance.

but also, REBEL LANCE!!!!!!aaahhhhhhhh!!!!! the idea in itself is great and beautiful and SO unexplored!

think of a roughed up Lance being saved by rebels, an joining them in their fight against the galra. learning how to fight with all sort of different weapons. helping them with maintenance on their ships but also bringing a light hearted air into the rebel cause, helping older fighters relearn how to relax, and reminding the younger ones to not let the war diffuse their sense of humor and enjoyment in life. (plus him in that rebel armor would look hella good on him ;)) and just Lance and Shiro bonding! they were on a spaceship for 6 months, they’re going to get close with one another. 

and Matt helping Pidge to find their father, helping her sneak into the garrison, searching for clues of anything about him while they fight to save the universe. i do imagine Matt to be kinda like Lance, always the first to tell a joke and has insecurities about his piloting skills, always comparing himself to Shiro and striving to do better. but not the kind to really flirt with anyone. he qould be the one that alot of aliens would be super into and they try flirting with him, but he’s as blind as a bat when it comes to that kind of stuff, so he takes it all in good and pure strives, never realizing he’s leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him.

thats all i really got on this right now, thank you so much for the prompt! i loved it so much!

4

Kenneth Branagh explains Poirot’s moustache in Murder on the Orient Express

Bonus:
“I spent months getting that moustache right, that massive piece of face furniture.”
Q: “Was it real?”
“I can’t tell you or I’d have to kill you. *smiles* It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real, I did try growing one but Agatha Christie says that Poirot has the most magnificent moustaches in England. So, we created this kind of double-layer twirly moustaches which in itself took so much taking care of, that we got really well ahead of the game with that one, same with the accent.”

inkbee  asked:

This is kind of a weird thing to say but I really like that you made Sun chubby and cute and cool. Like usually, in both mainstream media and in peoples OCs I never see chubby people get to be badass or desirable or anything thats not like, a Joke Character tm and just the fact that Sun can be both chubby and considered beautiful at the same time is really awesome and it makes me feel better about my own issues with my body image so I just wanted to say thank you for that

*hug*
This note made me so happy, thank you ;; I’m glad Sun helps you cope with your body issues, I know he helps me cope with mine ❤️

cutetini-tv  asked:

MY friend dared me to ask you this, did you get raped?

Thats not a really respectful question to ask

Luckily I haven’t, never had experiences with perverts, except for an old terrible friend who “touched” me and said it was only a joke even if I was openly saying I didnt like this kind of shit, he has a really bad reputation now and I don’t really trust him. I heard he forced young girls to have +18 rp’s with him or to real life dress up in nasty ways … yikes