but the cast are fine

Imagine being Chris’s body guard. You list of accomplishments and experience impressed him from the beginning. As an added bonus, few people even realize you’re his body guard - they just assume he’s out alone with a beautiful woman.

Originally posted by chrispsource

Requested by @hides-in-the-shadows <3

anonymous asked:

Maybe zayn does what I do and saved pics for later. Also how does he look so good with oily hair??

I can’t tell if his hair is wet or greasy* BUT REGARDLESS, he’s Zayn and doesn’t adhere to the same laws of the universe that the rest of us do. Zayn’s eyelashes are so long they cast their own shadow for fuck’s sake, its fine IM FINE ABOUT IT

*forgive me Zayn fwiw i’m working from home today and I look like I should be chained in a windowless shed to not alarm the neighboring villagers

Just a chicken

Me and some friends recently started a new campaign, with a team consisting of a Firebolg cleric, an aasimar paladin (me), and two kenku, one a necromancer and the other a rogue. We started off in a town that was raided by goblins, which dropped whatever they looted if we killed them.

DM: “Upon killing the goblin, he drops his sack and you noise the bag is moving.”

Necromancer: “I check the bag”

DM: “You investigate the bag and find a chicken, still alive, along with some loot.”

Me and cleric: “A what?”

DM: “A chicken.”

Necromancer: “Is it a special chicken?”

DM: “No, its just a chicken”

Necromancer: “I wana use detect magic on the chicken.”

Me: “You’ve gota be kidding me.”

DM: “Uhh…ok, you use detect magic on the chicken, and find out its just a normal chicken.”

Necromancer: “I wana put it in my bag.”

Me: “Its a chicken, just leave it here!”

Necromancer: “No its mine now were taking it.”

Moving on, we ran into more goblins while investigating a building

Necromancer: “Im gona run out of the room and use magic armor on the chicken”

Me: “You can’t be serious.”

DM: “You can’t…ok you know what, fine; you cast magic armor on the chicken.”

Me: “I swear to god i will destroy that chicken”

Rogue: “Hes a safe boi now”

Me: “Dont encourage him!”

We’ve been playing for a good 4 weeks and we still have the chicken. His name is Jeffery

DEAR ASPIRING BROADWAY STARS

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SOUND LIKE A CAST RECORDING. recordings are edited to sound more clear and smoother! your voice is going to be more raspy! your voice is going to not be able to hit some of the notes! its ok to rely on characteritation to hit notes! need to sing Adelaide’s lament in the classic high pitched and cold sounding voice? GO FOR IT!!! you don’t have to sound like a broadway recording! your still learning! your not perfect! and the people in the cast album aren’t either!! they don’t sound like the cast recording either!!!!!!! be nice to yourself!!! your doing fine! you’ll get to where u wanna be!!!!!!!!

2

the dregs meme: [3/5] scenes

“Jesper knocking his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. “Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”
Brekker’s lips quirked. “I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.
My ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.”  

100 Art Objects, Historical Artifacts, and Miscellaneous Loot
  1. A marble bust of a large-nosed woman
  2. A richly woven carpet with nautical patterns
  3. Soft, clean bedsheets sewn with golden thread
  4. A portrait of a bashful looking tiefling
  5. Eight matching silver cups
  6. A ceremonial helm with a daisy motif
  7. A coil of silken cable, intricately braided and tasseled
  8. An ancient fertility sculpture
  9. A nautilus shell
  10. A stack of fine vellum
  11. Richly embroidered blue sleeping robes
  12. A huge tortoise shell
  13. A polished silver looking-glass
  14. A set of gem-encrusted cutlery
  15. Silk handkerchiefs
  16. A necklace thickly adorned with bright feathers
  17. A small dragon skull
  18. A collection of beautiful glass bottles of all colours
  19. A snake skin of tremendous length and quality
  20. Well preserved tapestries depicting an important historical event
  21. A set of fine jewelcrafting tools
  22. A chess set of excellent quality
  23. A set of non-magical but intricately etched daggers
  24. An ermine coat
  25. Soft doeskin boots beautifully crafted for small feet
  26. A collection of flags and banners once flown by nations now extinct
  27. White silk gloves
  28. A satchel made of glossy crimson leather
  29. A rattle made from a cloven hoof
  30. Paper pouches full of dried herbs and spices
  31. A red and silver scepter
  32. A porcelain doll garbed in a beautiful ballgown
  33. A large bismuth crystal
  34. A box containing several elaborately decorated animal masks
  35. A glass orb containing a tablespoon of quicksilver
  36. A vase containing numerous exotic feathers
  37. A golden ceremonial shield featuring an unfamiliar charge
  38. Ten large glass marbles of various colours
  39. A richly illuminated, leather-bound manuscript of local history
  40. A rare coin collection
  41. A massive scarlet crustacean claw
  42. Pots of powdered henna, turmeric, and indigo
  43. A long spiral antelope horn, polished and banded in silver
  44. Two oblong pearls of modest size
  45. An exquisitely preserved fish fossil
  46. A set of lavish quills and two pots of deep blue ink
  47. Three canopic jars, and the broken lid of a fourth
  48. A hand-carved, gold leaf frame, sans painting
  49. A masterful portrait of a stern couple, sans frame
  50. Beautiful horse tack
  51. A glass jar filled with layers of sand of various colours
  52. A snow leopard skin in fine condition
  53. A huge vanilla scented candle
  54. A wooden case containing two dozen bars of sealing wax
  55. A hand-carved mash paddle made from black wood
  56. A silver locket containing a lock of silver hair
  57. A crystal bottle of perfume
  58. A carving made from jet featuring the head of a gorgon
  59. Twelve fine drinking glasses wrapped in cotton
  60. A brass cast of a skull
  61. An ancient ceremonial sword of a powerful queen, its blade half rotted away
  62. A silver flask
  63. A wooden frame containing a complex gear mechanism of unknown purpose
  64. Pouches of very rare seeds that grow into valuable plants
  65. A geode
  66. A tome of forgotten ballads written by a legendary bard
  67. A terribly gaudy cuckoo clock elaborately inlaid with silver and gold
  68. A half-finished bolt of patterned cloth, still attached to the loom
  69. A large tangle of coral
  70. A church bell featuring a religious tale in bas relief
  71. Gold candleabras
  72. A brass statuette of a religious figure
  73. Two oak barrels of alcoholic spirits
  74. A sack of bathing salts
  75. A box of lace
  76. A folder stuffed with dwarven beer recipes
  77. Spools of excellent leather cord
  78. Medicated creams and ointments
  79. A box of colourful makeup
  80. A pouch full of glimmering pearlescent fish scales
  81. A silver dog whistle shaped like a howling wolf
  82. Ivory spice shakers
  83. A jar of herbal honey
  84. A large incisor on a leather thong
  85. Powdered animal parts
  86. Gold false teeth
  87. A bulk lot of mundane smithed items, including locks, hinges, etc.
  88. An empty silver lockbox with key
  89. Elegant red skates
  90. Blue suede shoes
  91. A dried caul
  92. A taxedermied platypus
  93. A censer
  94. Three wax likenesses, one slightly melted
  95. A telescope
  96. A set of tinkling hand bells
  97. Coffee beans
  98. Tortoiseshell combs
  99. Copper bottom cook pots
  100. A flanged steel plug of some kind