I’ve been thinking a lot about my prolificness as of late (and being extremely fucking grateful for it) and why all of a sudden the words are there and just how enjoyable and FUN it’s been lately when my enthusiasm for the canon has waned considerably. I’m happier in this fandom than I’ve ever been and it’s at a time where I’ve kind of let go of those relationships that weren’t doing me any good and stopped thinking of this show in terms of “This is everything.”
Some of it is because of @scapeartist and @kat2609 ’s gracious boob holding which kind of jumpstarted the year and without which I wouldn’t have written anything, I probably would have deleted my blog completely since I had no other reason to engage.
But I was refreshing my AO3 page (as you do when you’re a bit obsessive) and realized that all of my “abandoned” works, the ones I lost interest in and couldn’t find the words or enthusiasm for, were from the same period of time.
And what they all have in common is I didn’t really write them for ME, in my style. I wrote them for the fandom, using tropes and themes that I saw were pretty popular from my own reading, in a style (present tense) that isn’t really one I naturally go to unless the story itself calls for it (which none of those did) and really they had nothing to do with my interpretations of the characters. They are just the characters going through the motions in these really tropey, popular scenarios.
The works I’m excited about, the ones I daydream about and work on and yell at people (mostly @caprelloidea ) in messages about, all have in common is that going into them I was like “LOL, I love this, no ones going to read this crazy shit, he’s literally a monkey right now” or “My heart hurts about the show, lemme fix it” or “I really want to do something kinda dark and emotionally wrought for these characters I haven’t played with before” and maybe I wrote them in an evening just to feel better, or wrote them FOR someone because I love them, or write every second I can spare because my brain is on fire with them.
All of them are 100% self indulgent, a little quirky and a little weird and out there, and I really think that is the key here. Just not caring (but also super caring) if anyone reads it, just writing what you want to see, and the super involved emotionally based or crazy character driven but plot heavy adventure type things *I* like.
I just think it’s an important lesson for me to have learned, and I’m very happy I learned it NOW.
Pls do yourself a favor and imagine Magnus’s rough, calloused fingers tangling in Taako’s hair, curling and uncurling against the base of his skull as he tugs and releases for better purchase so he can pull Taako’s head back and kiss beneath his jaw