but story

I wish
what we’ve had—
was just like
a great movie,
that even if
it had already
ended,
I can replay it
all over again,
I wish I can feel it
once again.
—  ma.c.a // I want you, more than anyone else
Pro revenge by whistle blowing.

(long story)

One of my first jobs out of college wasn’t really a true job. I interviewed at a proprietary trading firm and was offered a job as one of their traders. Looking back, it was naive to join such a firm and this was right before the ‘08 crash. They sold themselves as being pro traders and all you had to do was put up some capital which got added to the group’s pooled fund. After that, you went through training and once the boss thought you were ready, you would 'go live’ with your trading account. There were no paychecks, but you did get to keep most of your profits. Later on, I learned that the bosses of such groups made money by either taking a cut from your profits or by taking a fee from your traded volume. This group skimmed from both sides taking 15% from your profits and a fee from your trading volume which came out to about $1.5 every 100 shares traded.

For months, I spent time learning from the “Pros,” and then I began to realize along with some of the other newbies, that the only person making money was the boss. The turnover for new traders was high. Some people lasted a month, others a year or two. As I got to know people around the office, I began finding out that very few made any money at all. The boss was a micromanager and watched the risk monitor for his group like a hawk. If you hit -$50 in a day, you were locked out and couldn’t trade anymore throughout the day. Also, you were limited to trading stocks up to $40 per share with a max size of 200 shares. It was very difficult to make a living trading like this.

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The Edge

When I was growing up, I always thought life was like a video game. I did everything I could to keep up the illusion: doing homework was like completing a quest, talking with friends was like navigating branching dialogue trees with NPCs, and making it to the podium at graduation was like killing the final boss.

I kept these fantasies to myself and didn’t think much of them until little details started standing out. Sometimes I’d be walking along a trail in the woods and my eyes would gravitate towards a tree that looked just a bit blurrier than the others. Other times I’d be talking with my parents and the conversation would seem off, as if their responses were just vague enough to make sense if I had said something else.

“Mrs. Bainbridge gave us way too much work tonight!” I’d argue. “Homework is important, son,” Dad would say. “There’s no way I can finish this project on top of baseball practice!” I’d yell. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” Dad would say.

I grew skeptical. I started testing the universe to make sure it was real. One by one, the pieces of the puzzle that I thought I had solved became detached. One afternoon, I punched my best friend Aidan straight in the teeth. His face recoiled a bit, but then snapped back into place, his big smile unfazed.

“Want to play Smash later?” Aidan said immediately after, grinning from ear to ear.

The next day, I tried to get my parents to say my name.

“Come down for dinner, honey!” Mom called. “How was your day, sport?” Dad asked. “Elbows off the table, dear,” Mom said.

This went on for the rest of the night. I couldn’t remember the last time my parents ever said my name.

Looking back on it, I should have just accepted it. It wasn’t hard to live my life as the game intended. I could have been happy if I had drowned out all the red flags. It’s too late for that now.

Yesterday, or at least I think it was yesterday, I decided to push the game to its limits. Right before school I stole my mom’s keys, got in her truck, and drove. It didn’t matter where I was going, so long as it was somewhere new.

Eventually, the road got less familiar. I was entering the wilderness. In a half-hour, I had reached the city limits, beyond the thick canopy of trees that isolated our town from the outside world.

Except…there was nothing. The road ended there. The land just stopped. Everything was blue. Up, down, and out into the endless expanse. It was all blue.

I stood there on the precipice, wondering what my life had been up until that moment. I wondered what it could be. I took my first step into the blue unknown. I started to fall.

In those final seconds, the scariest thing I could imagine was living a life that someone else had chosen for me.

But now?

I’m still falling.

When I had you it didn’t feel like anything was ever wrong, even when it was. Every other part of my life could have been falling apart but when I was with you, it still felt like everything was okay. You allowed me to ignore the fact that I hated my job because knowing I got to come home to you got me through the work day. And I thought this was a blessing but it was actually just keeping me from making the changes in my life that I needed to make. I didn’t try to make a life I’d be happy with on my own because you were the best part of my life and I thought I’d always have you. But this was bad because you were my strongest painkiller, you didn’t actually make everything better, you just made it feel like it was.
Sanders Sides as Thing me/friends have said pt
  • Morality: I've eaten 15 mini bagels and I regret nothing and everything at the same time.
  • Roman/Prince: That is not the proper way to sword fight. Have you even had to battle for your life?
  • Logic/Logan: I'm taking honors classes, so naturally I live off the tears of the weaker students.
  • Anxiety: Can someone please just stab me with a spoon so I can get out of here.

tommorow67  asked:

I am trying to write a fantasy adventure with different dynamic characters. I have already thought of some of the characters and have a plan for the direction of the story to go but I'm trying to figure out how to start it like the perfect hook to get people to read it or to start a flow of action. Any tips?

Hi! I’d love to help.

You could start with the event that kicks off your conflict. For example, if your conflict is that your antagonist wants to overthrow the royalty and rule the kingdom, you could start with your characters getting news of your antagonist’s first attack on the royalty/the kingdom’s army. Start with the main problem, so that your readers know what to expect from your story – anything else will be extraneous.

You could also start with your characters’ call to action. For example, maybe your characters have heard about attacks against the royalty/the kingdom’s army, but what causes them to take action? Does someone force/talk them into taking action, or do they decide enough is enough and start moving? (Keep in mind that whatever your characters do to start with, they should probably start small – we call it “rising action” for a reason!)

You could also start with a scene or two to introduce a couple of your main characters, and give some info on the background/setting. For example, in Stephen King’s The Stand, many characters from many different places come together, and he follows somewhat of a formula: the first chapter is Character A’s POV; the second is Character A’s and then Character B’s; the third is Character A’s, then Character B’s, then Character C’s; and so on. Depending on how many characters you have and how quickly you want to start the rising action, this might be a good route for you. (Keep in mind, though, that Stephen King had somewhat of an introduction/preface in which the inciting incident – a deadly virus being unleashed from the government laboratory in which it was stored – takes place, and all his character introductions are the union of his characters and that problem – in other words, in chapter one, Character A is introduced to that virus as others around him get sick; in chapter two Character A’s saga continues and the virus is brought into Character B’s world; and so on. So even if you use this method, don’t wait too long to introduce your main conflict.)

I hope this helps! If you need anything else, please feel free to ask! - @authors-haven