That episode truly hurt my heart. I didn’t expect that when Adrian said that there was torture/ things worth than death that there was. At first I wasn’t as shocked by Oliver’s admission because I feel like on some level I knew it was true, at least in the time during the flashbacks. A lot of the times he killed during the flashbacks I couldn’t understand why he saw them as necessary. When he came back to Starling/Star City, I still didn’t see the deaths as necessary but I was convinced by Oliver’s urgency that the names on the list were killing his city and the only way to stop it was for them to die. This admission by Oliver however throws a wrench in all of that. How long after he came to Starling was he killing because he liked it? When did he truly stop enjoying, that words pains me to say, killing? Adrian made Oliver truly face the monster he gave an identity to and I wasn’t prepared for how much it was gonna hurt.