but sometimes I get like I am now

anonymous asked:

i have ddnos-1 (diagonised) and am getting diagnosed with bpd once i'm 18 (i'm 17 right now) so basically i have a whole lot of identity and disassociative issues. can i just say that the whole headmates thing as a trend sort of pisses me off? like sometimes when im disassociated i'll forget my name and identity, and sometimes while having an episode i'll attempt to create a whole new identity and it isn't fun and it isn't cute and i'm just angry.

A little something for all of you:
No matter what you may be going through, know that there are always, always people surrounding you who care. Don’t ever be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you stronger. People will always be willing to help, you may just have to find the right person. I am one of those people; I love each and every one of you. And if you need absolutely anything, I am here 24/7.
Know that no matter what’s happening right now, things will get better. I know that it sometimes seems like you’re drowning in things going wrong, but for every low, there is a high a million times larger. You will get through it, but you may have to work a bit. The more you work, the more rewarding it will be at the end.
Never give up, you have the ability to do anything you set  your mind to. Never lose sight of just how beautiful you truly are. You are all absolutely amazing people, and although life is never truly fair, you will get your rewards soon enough. You can make it through anything. I believe in you, you just have to learn to believe in yourself.
I will always be here for support no matter what. I love you all and I hope this helped someone today xx

I have the flu. Muscles ache, mucous in the sinus cavity, headache. I slept for 12 hours last night, from 10 PM to 10 AM. Sometimes I get a flu like this when I’m in Mysore, and there it feels like a cleansing that comes out as inflammation/sickness. It is usually related to some sort of healing, either physically or emotionally and right now I could use a little of both. Sometimes I practice, gently, but today I’m taking the day off save for my meditation practice which I think always helps. My awesome husband @timfeldmannyoga made me our secret remedy ginger tea and brought me the full battalion of homeopathic remedies. I usually take the homeopathic remedies right before drinking the tea and afterwards go lie down and sleep for awhile. If you make the ginger really potent and strong I feel like it burns out the inflammation and helps get things moving. In addition to the ginger tea and the homeopathic remedies I also like to gargle with warm salt water and do the neti cleanse to clear out the nose and throat. 

Here’s the secret recipe below:

Take 1 medium size stalk of ginger and cut it up 
Bring it to a boil in a medium sized pot, then let it simmer for 30-40 minutes (longer simmering time makes it more spicy and more potent)
Squeeze two fresh lemons or limes into a tea cup  
Add a spoonful of raw, local honey to taste
Pour the ginger water into the cup and enjoy

gihbright asked:

please, help me, i was trying to learn how to sing some Elvis songs and i the lyric are so SO sooooooooooooo hidekane D: I totally could saw Hide with a guittar, singing 'i can't help falling in love with you" at Kaneki's wind and Kaneki would both be happy by the declaration and angry because it is fucking 2 Am and he wants to sleep, so he would trow at hide a bucket of ice water, than would say "i love you too, after we're gonna date, but now leave me!". And Hide wouldn't get what happened

Lmao I love HC’s where Kaneki is a little jerk to Hide (but also when Hide is a little turd to Kaneki) like who isnt a complete asshole to their friends sometimes (in good humor though) My friends and I constantly tell each other we hate one another with a passion but we all love each other. So Kaneki being open to Hide and picking on him like this is 100% awesome lol “Hide if you dont stop I will call the police” “Oh sorry Kaneki wrong house” and they just bicker back and forth.

i need food advice

(#food cw, this is not a post about #ed but it is possible it could trigger someone so #eating disorder just in case)

here we go time to embarrass myself

so i really hate that i have to write this but here i am. this is the reality of my life and for once i feel well enough mentally to reach out and get help.

long story short, my financial situation was utterly wrecked in 2013-2014. i am only just now starting to stabilize, and my finances are precarious enough that any blip (like dropping my phone and demolishing the screen and having to replace it last month) can completely fuck up all my careful planning and drain my miserable savings. one of the consequences of this is that i do not go grocery shopping very often, and when i do go i don’t buy enough food to last me all the way till the next time i shop. sometimes, i just forget to eat, but i also make the conscious decision not to. on average, i eat maybe 10 meals a week. i keep going by snacking a lot, which is fine, because honestly i don’t always have the energy to cook dinner and i rarely have the time to eat breakfast. 

the issue is, the snacks i know to look for, the cheap stuff i grew up on which was only ever meant to be snacks and not to sustain someone on a day to day basis–those aren’t going to cut it nutritionally. i’m tired all the time, i feel sick pretty easily, and i know a good portion of this feeling can be contributed to not eating a balanced diet. i didn’t grow up in a place or an environment that paid attention to nutrition all that much, so i don’t really know what to do.

basically, i’m asking if anyone has advice on affordable, healthy snacks i can start working into my routine. stuff that will provide energy and at least some nutrients. i want to feel better, but i still need to watch my bank account. anything i can get in bulk that won’t go bad quickly would be great–especially stuff that requires minimum prep. i don’t have any food allergies (but i hate nuts, except peanuts, which i know are technically legumes but whatever), so almost anything goes. even if u can just point me in the direction of bloggers or whatever who specialize in this stuff.

please, i know this sounds silly, and if u wanna judge me for being almost 24 and apparently not knowing how to feed myself you are more than welcome (altho u are also welcome to eat your own asshole for all i care), but i really do want help. and if u think you can do that, i would very, very much appreciate it.

Okay this is is the first fanfic that i have ever publicly shared so hope you like it!


Mulder POV

     Scully sat in front of me, wearing a very stern face which soon melted to a much warmer expression. Her prepossessing blue eyes could seem cold to some people, but I only see them for their beauty. We had been on a case but it didn’t turn out so well and she wasn’t too happy about it. I had some cuts so she bandaged me up.

Scully POV

    His hazel eyes seem to peer into me, to my soul, almost understanding everything I do or looking for answers to who I am. He should know by now that he’s already found the answers, but you know Mulder, always digging.

    It is hard for me to look at him without my eyes lighting up and my lips forming an instant smile. Sometimes I almost think he goes through the same thing when he looks at me, but I can’t think that way. I couldn’t let myself get hurt like that. I could love him, if I just let myself. Ever since that night in Alaska, long ago now, I have never been able to stop thinking about him.

    “How are you feeling, Mulder?”

    “Much better now, Dr. Scully.”

    “Listen, Agent Mulder, you should get some rest. You will need to change your bandages every few hours.”

    “I know, I know. You have been telling me this same shit for the longest time.”

We both sat there on the motel bed, like we have so many nights before, both realizing what could happen, but stopping short.

    “I should get back to my room,” I somehow managed to get out of my mouth.

    “Yeah.”

    I turned away, collecting myself, and started for the door.

    “Wait, Scully!”

    “What?” I inquired, half hoping he would pull me close to his body, brushing his soft lips against mine.

    “Do you want some sunflower seeds?”

     “No, Mulder. I do not want any sunflower seeds.”

justinbieber: Sometimes we feel like why am in this place right now why am I not where I wanna be? There are lessons you can learn on the journey that you can’t get when you are at your destination. THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

sometimes i get pissed at evolution. like somethings just didnt have to happen. like lets take mosquitoes for an example why the fuck did evolution make it so they have to drink blood. wtf evolution. wtf. there are so many other things that could have happened. like seriously they could suck something out of fucking plants or something. but no, evolution was being a bitch ass punk and made them lust for our fucking blood. i swear if i ever see charles darwin i will kick the shit out of his punk ass. this is a mosquito hate post. i am so pissed right now, fuck evolution.

anonymous asked:

How often would you say you get commissions? (BTW I love everything you do.... in a friendly platonic non-creepy way)

Aaaww, thanks!  I get commissions, I dunno…not too frequently tbh.  Especially when it comes to animation, people start bargaining and then the prices turn out to be too much for them and it doesn’t happen.  

Maybe like two or three a month?

I really don’t have the patience to communicate with people anymore.
I don’t think I can handle others from now on.
I love my life when I am alone.
It gets lonely sometimes, but it’s worth it.
I cannot make uncomfortable small talks with people, and act like I care.
I cannot have 200 friends anymore, because even 2 are hard to handle.
I don’t want to be in the middle of non sense dramas and ridiculous situations.
I don’t want to lie to make people happy, and I don’t want to take pills to make myself happy.
I want to be myself without any distractions.
I want to focus on my goals and go after them.
I want to live the life I dream of, only for myself, only with myself.
I need to be left alone to feel peace and happiness.
It is the most dangerous way to life, but I never liked the safe ways anyway.
I am happy to gamble on it, and if I lose, at least I will know I did it for myself.
And only myself.

- Hedonist Poet

tonight’s update like: welcome to kat’s irrationally uncomfortable aro corner!!!

let’s get one thing straight here. i am a PERSON before i am a roleplayer. i am a FRIEND, a FAMILY MEMBER before i am a roleplayer. this means that sometimes i won’t have muse for a certain thread, or maybe i just don’t feel like replying right now. this means that i have every right to take my time replying, just as you do. this means that i come FIRST. i come BEFORE my replies. this means that sometimes things will get in the way of me replying. whether it be problems with family or friends or just something stupid, me and my personal feelings/problems come BEFORE roleplay. if i’m having an off day and only feel like responding to one or two things, or i’m tired and can only focus my energy on a specific thread, you should be okay with that. you, as my partner, need to take into consideration my feelings. some things are hard for me to reply to. some things take a lot more time, effort, and energy than others. sometimes i won’t be in the mood for that thread. sometimes i won’t be in the mood for any threads. this is nothing against YOU. this is just about me being a person with feelings, a normal human being who needs to sit back and relax and take a breather sometimes. so please, i’m begging you, do not take offense to me not replying to our thread right away. this is not because you annoy me. this is not because you aren’t good enough. this is not because i have no interest in roleplaying with you. this is just because i am a person and sometimes i get lazy. sometimes i am tired or have writer’s block. and that’s okay. all i ask is that you respect me and my muses by letting us breathe every once in a while. 

anonymous asked:

you know I hate you. cause your so good at cosplay and you have all this time and money to do it. i work and never have time to do it even though i want to. i try and mine are never as good as yours and i fucking hate that your so confident with it.

This is a little odd cause I just spoke with someone on something similar to this. Anyways, I really don’t know what you expect me to respond to this with. 

Let me first say that I do not have a lot of money, over half of my paychecks go to materials for cosplay (Saying that now I should slow down on it LOL). I work like any other person, I don’t get handouts or free stuff. I am at work from around 7AM to 3PM, sometimes I get off earlier. Almost everyday from 4PM to 12AM I am working on cosplay. I don’t go to parties, I don’t go clubing, I don’t go to arcades, the mall, shopping etc. Lets says I make $500 a paycheck, maybe $200 of that will go to cosplay. The most I do is hang out with my friends occasionally and a lot of the times we are hanging out we are working on cosplays. I make the time to work on cosplay because it is something I truly love to do. I shop at fabric stores when they have 50-70% off sales and I save a lot of money because I make everything myself. From the outfit, to styling the wigs to making the props. Cosplay is something I dedicate almost all of my free time to because it makes me happy and I enjoy doing it. I am the type of person who loves to learn, I adore learning new techniques and ways to do something. I didn’t wake up one morning and suddenly have the power to replicate a weapon from a game or sew an entire outfit. It’s taken me years of learning and practice to get where I am and I am still learning with each project I make. A couple years back I didn’t even know how to sew but with some help I learned. Cosplay brings so much joy into my life and I love sharing new things and what I have made with those who like my craft and those with the same hobby.

I know how you feel seeing someone who is better at you doing something you also do, it can suck and sometimes make you feel like all you’ve done is for nothing. Though, when I see someone create an amazing cosplay it only inspires me to improve and learn more. It’s so much healthier to be inspired by the people around you then it is to hate them for something they worked hard at.

About the confidence part, that is something I gained over time. I had none four years ago but I managed to build it up over time. I was rock bottom but managed to pull myself out. 

I will not apologize for doing what I enjoy to do. You are free to hate me all you want, I just felt like this needed to be addressed. When you love something, you make time for it, you save, you work, you practice, you learn. Channeling your feelings into hatred will not help you improve, it will only make you more bitter.

See this face? This is the face that is making up about 90 percent of our lives right now. Between teething and her already extremely high needs personality I think I am loosing my mind. 

I am touched out, stressed out, and exhausted.

Real talk. Sometimes motherhood is so hard.  Like hide in the bathroom and cry for 10 minutes during nap time so you can make it through the rest of the day hard. The worst part is not even the clinginess or the overuse of my breasts. or the constant crying. The worst part is seeing her upset I hate it when she cries. 

We are getting through our days right now with lots of snuggles. My house is a mess, Millie has probably watched too much TV the last few days but it’s ok. She needs a little extra loving right now so a little extra loving is what she is getting. 

Let’s get something straight here. America is like my family. I may not always agree with everything my family says or does and I may act like I’m not associated with them sometimes and I may complain about them a lot, but I still love them because no matter what I don’t give up on family. So yes, I am proud to be American. I believe in what’s stated in the Declaration of Independence, that all men are created equal and have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and even though we have a lot of problems, I have hope that one day we’ll live up to those words.

I’m 10 days late on my period.

I pulled the cards:

Me right now - 9 of swords
Something blocking me - The Hanged Man

Am I pregnant? - the sun
outcome - Ace of Pentacles

Oh my god. I’m reading into this too much but I think it means I could be pregnant OR it’s going to be happening soon. Like, I’ll be getting pregnant sometime before the end of this year.

A reading I received from a very amazing reader told me August would be the magical month.

What do you guys think?

The Hanged Man as what’s blocking me is confusing me. The 9 of Swords is my obsessing over wanting to get pregnant.

Any comments?

p.s. I’m taking a test this weekend. The one I took last week was negative. But there’s still a chance? I don’t know how this all works. Silly how I use to be so afraid of getting pregnant when I was a teenager and now it’s like exhausting TRYing!