but something tells me it isn't the one for me

  • fanfic writer: *writing* Oh wow, they are going to love this. This is by far my best work!
  • fic: *witty lines* *perfect love making* *fluffy enough to kill us all* *a dash of angst, a smidgen of hurt/comfort*
  • fanfic writer: Oh man. This is it. This will be my legacy! *sweats into fic* *bleeds into fic* *cries into fic* *spends days perfecting the grammar and verbage and sex scenes* *has 15 betas look over it*
  • fanfic writer: Okay. It is finally time to release my baby on the world. Here you go fandom. You're welcome.
  • fandom: Ha, cute. *like* *kudos*
  • fanfic writer: :/
  • * * *
  • same fanfic writer: *writing* Whatever. This is shit, I don't even care right now. A singing squirrel? Sure, let's do it. Haha, cheesy lines that make no sense, sure. Grammatical errors out the wazoo? Why not. No one's going to read this piece of crap anyway, I literally wrote it on a scrap of 1 ply toilet paper with a broken yellow crayon.
  • fanfic writer: LOL *post*
  • fanfic writer: *sigh*
@the tower of joy
  • Lyanna Stark: *dying* Ned, please promise me you'll take care of him
  • Ned Stark: *holding little baby Jon* I promise Lya
  • Lyanna: You know Rhaegar probably would have wanted to name him something Targaryen sounding, like Jaeharys or Aemon or something...
  • Ned: Jaeharys is okay I guess-
  • Lyanna: But fuck that bitch, my baby's name is Jon

Two, four, six, eight. Who did we annihilate? -  Badass female antagonists of Leverage

  • Chris: So how excited are you to see your little baby?
  • Victor: Sooo excited...
  • Chris: Oh I need to tell you about my night last night
  • Victor: Ohh, tell me aaall about it...
  • Chris: So I'm hanging out at my apartment, I've got some candles lit. I'm feeling good. I've had 8 glasses of wine
  • Victor: Gotcha
  • Chris: And down in the street I hear these two beautiful boys playing. They're skateboarding, they're doing flips or something. And one of them looks up to me and has the most beautiful face I've ever seen. Asian.
  • Victor: Beautiful.
  • Chris: The point is, I say "Woo hoo boys", and they sort of look. The one who isn't Asian, is black.
  • Victor: Th-This- Y-You don't have to- This could be a colorblind story.
  • Chris: I wanna fill it with color.
  • Victor: Yeah, but I'm just saying it's like there's a race problem in Hollywood right now.
  • Chris: And in America. A racISM problem.
  • Victor: I agree.
  • Chris: Well this story isn't racist; It's diverse. If everyone in it was white, then it would be racist, Victor Nikiforov
  • Victor: ...
  • Victor: You know what? You're right. Go ahead.
  • Chris: So, the boys come up to my apartment and I'm wearing a robe. I'm ONLY wearing a robe. And I say, "why don't you come in my boudoir and watch me do a quadruple flip?" And they say, "Where's the bed?" and I say, "This is the bed, right here." And they say, "Can we sit on the bed?" and I say, "Sure, but these are expensive Japanese linen." And they say, "But they're not even soft." And I say... "Sometimes... things that are expensive... are worse."
  • Victor: Wow
  • Chris: So anyway I sucked both their dicks

mendesfiction  asked:

Idk if I can still send a blurb but I Interview lots of artists for my work. And I was in the studio with this one artist and he was telling me how his girlfriend and exes always complained about how he never sung for them, just about them. He said with them he isn't this artist he's just a normal dude so he doesn't wanna sing for them like he sings for thousands of other girls. Definitely something I can imagine Shawn saying.

hope this lives up to your amazing story love x || please no more blurb ideas

“You never sing for me anymore” you abruptly go one evening, sitting on the sofa next to him as he tunes his guitar. It’s late, around one in the morning but neither of you are tired, can’t be bothered to actually get into bed so instead you’re sprawled out over his settee, sitting in the liquid calm like a couple of ducks. 

Shawn looks up from his instrument (Daisy, he calls her, something about her ‘sounding how i’d imagine a flower to sound like if it could talk’ - you’d made a face in return, nodding and saying ‘Okay Shawn, whatever you say’) and he frowns a little as you perch your chin in your hand and kick you legs in the air behind you. 

“-only about me” finishing off your soft confession with a light shrug. 

You don’t want to make him feel bad, he’s already got enough on his plate so when he pulls his bottom lip into his mouth and begins to chew on it - nervous - your heart blanches. 

Keep reading

the signs as random snapchats my friends have sent me
  • aries: i'm barely awake and my sister said "clean the damn house" bitch clean ya damn vagina im tired fuck outta my face
  • taurus: *picture of herself with the headband on & a blank face* i realized too late that i was playing headbandz and now i know what i am wow
  • gemini: you ever notice that the inside of your mouth looks like the inside of your vagina wait actually idk what the inside of my vagina looks like
  • cancer: *picture of her teary eyed* i nearly started crying because i realized plankton and karen don't have kids because she's a computer so they can't have sex
  • leo: *picture of her with her hair tied around her chin like a beard* who needs men? i'm my own man
  • virgo: *picture of her looking down at the camera at an awkward angle* me trying to figure out how to record without using my hands
  • libra: *at 2 am* in other countries when they eat hot dogs or something do they call it "american food" like how we call china's food "chinese food" #latenightthoughts
  • scorpio: *picture of herself on the toilet with her legs scribbled out* woah why tf am i constipated (my dick not showin, just my legs)
  • sagittarius: *picture of her crying* while i was chewing i bit down on something chewy IT WAS A BUG I THINK PLEASE HELP
  • capricorn: *blurry picture of her looking terrified* tell me why i dropped my phone in the fucking brownie mix i hate everything
  • aquarius: *blurry picture of herself* i kicked an ant bed and i think some of the ants went in my pants and are biting me
  • pisces: *picture of her crying* me realizing maddie isn't even real. or maybe liv isn't real. idk they just aren't actually twins. they're the same girl. and she doesn't have some unique connection to her twin sister who'd she do anything for because she doesn't have one.
Drag Race Asks

RuPaul: What’s your greatest strength – charisma, uniqueness, nerve or talent?
Sharon Needles:  Do you like scary movies, Sidney?  What’s your favourite?
Chad Michaels:  Is there someone you can impersonate to perfection?
Untucked:  What’s the shadiest thing you’ve ever said?
Available On iTunes!:  The first five songs that come into your head.
Michelle Visage: Are you a tough critic or a sweet little pussycat?
Bianca Del Rio:  Stone, gold, glass… What’s your heart made of?
Bob The Drag Queen:  Tell us a joke, funny girl!
Santino Rice:  Describe the strangest outfit you’ve ever worn, Amadeus.
Guest Judges:  Name three people, alive or dead, whose opinions really matter to you
All-Stars:  Ever had a brush with fame?
Absolut Vodka:  Favourite drink?
Bebe Zahara Benet:  Do you represent your hometown or not?
Raja:  Did you roll with the cool kids at school?  Or, if you weren’t a Heather, Heather, what clique did you fit with, Heather?
Willam:  A choice of questions – either tell us about a time you were thrown out of somewhere, or tell us about the sickest you’ve ever felt…
Jinkx Monsoon:  Trouble sleeping?  Or trouble staying awake?
Mimi Imfurst:  How far would you go to grab people’s attention?
Drag U:  Condragulations!  You’ve won a fabulous free makeover!  What sickening style icon will it be based on?
Max:  What colour is your hair today, and what’s your favourite colour it’s ever been?
Alyssa + Coco:  Can you hold a grudge?  (Extra points if you tell us all about it)
Tyra Sanchez:   Give us an unpopular opinion.
Katya:  If you could live in any country in all the world, where would you go?
Ongina:  Would you ever shave your head?  (If you already have, we want pics!)
PhiPhi O’Hara:  Is it better to be loved or feared?
Latrice Royale:  Tell us about a time you picked yourself up after a fall (and know that we’re so proud of you, hon!)
Shangela:  If at first you don’t succeed…  Is there something in life where you keep on try-trying-again?
Nina Flowers:  Does your look match your personality?
Violet Chachki:  What’s your favourite physical feature?
Naomi Smalls:  Take the first name of one of your personal idols, and the last name from another.  This makes the name of your brand new persona – now tell us all about your gorgeous self!
Jiggly Caliente: May I call you Jiggly?

I know this isn't a text but...

Am I the only one who switches back and forth who they see as dominant in Drarry? Sometimes I very much think that Draco’s the top, or vice versa. But I think it’s because they’d probably switch back and forth a lot. Because they clash so much I feel like it would be something they kinda fight about. Idk. Maybe it’s just me. Tell me what you guys think.

anonymous asked:

Headcanon. Archie is the first person Veronica tells about her feelings for Betty idk I just feel like it would be a thing where she's ranting at him and says something about how it's so fucked up that people like people who don't like them back and he's thinking 'betty isn't even mad at me for not liking her back anymore but you're still mad at me for her' until Veronica gets real sad and says something like I just want her to love me or something and he realizes that she likes Betty but idk

So I took this ask as a prompt and wrote a little one shot based off of it.

I wrote this at 2 am so it’s kinda rough but I still hope you like it.


His day had started off well enough; early morning football practice, which wasn’t really all that great, hadn’t it been for the fact that a great new melody for one of his songs had popped into his head.

Humming the tune as he walked through the halls, he was stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Veronica Lodge at the end of the hallway; clearly out for blood. Just as he was about to turn the other way to escape her wrath, he heard her shout out to him.

So much for that plan.

As he turned around he saw Veronica walk towards him with a fire in her step that showed that she meant business. And here he had thought this was going to be a good day. Stupid.

“Archie Andrews! Don’t think I didn’t see you.”

He had only hoped.

“I need to talk to you actually, Ronnie, but can we please go somewhere else?” He said defeatedly. Knowing damn well that if Veronica wanted something, she was going to get it.

She glared at him suspiciously but followed him to the music room, which was surprisingly empty for once.

“This better be good because I’m about to go off on you in about two minutes” she said, crossing her arms in defiance.

“Whatever you’re going to say about me and Betty, I know, okay?” He said, sitting down in front of the piano. “I’m a douchebag for stringing her along and hurting her just because I was too blind to see that my best friend has a crush on me.”

“So whatever you have to say, save it.” He looked down at the keys. “I’ve already told her I’m sorry a million times, and she has forgiven me! No hard feelings.” He dared to look up at her but her face was unreadable.

“Are you done?” She said, looking unimpressed.

“Yes.” He was.

“Betty stood at my door crying Archie! No, sobbing actually, because you rejected her for being ‘too perfect for you’.” Veronica said to him accusingly. “Who even uses that lame old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ excuse anymore?”

He did apparently. “Look Ronnie, I know you’re mad at me and all, but you haven’t talked to me in two weeks and now you suddenly come at me out of nowhere.”

“Betty has moved on, why can’t you?” He asked her gently.

She looked at him for a while before sitting down next to him by the piano. Laying her head on his shoulder and sighing deeply.

He looked at her; careful to not make any sudden movements that would disturb her from her thoughts, seeing not quite anger, but sadness reflected in her eyes.

“I just know how much it sucks when someone you like doesn’t like you back. I don’t wish that feeling on anyone. Especially not Betty.” Veronica finally answered, her voice having lost all the fire it once held.

Archie put his arm around her then, feeling her completely deflate against him. He knew there was something he wasn’t seeing. A piece of the puzzle he was missing; but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was.

“I’m sorry for being angry at you Arch.” She said. “It just seems hardly fair when you love someone so much but they are completely oblivious.” He felt her words vibrating against his chest.

Suddenly, it clicked.

“You’re in love with Betty…” He says hesitantly.

Veronica is silent for a long while then, letting the sentence hang between them, making the air feel thick with unspoken thoughts. Because even though her face showed no sign of discomfort, he felt her heart rapidly thudding against his shoulder.

She looks up at him with a sad smile on her face.

“I’m in love with Betty.” She finally says, sounding so certain that he almost doesn’t believe that she came to that conclusion just a few seconds ago. Just like that, it was as clear as night and day. Veronica was in love with Betty just like the earth revolves around the sun, as sure as the currents of the sea.

“But that doesn’t matter.” She says, looking up at him “Because I’m in love with Betty and she’s in love with you.”

  • Aomine: So you're telling me that Akashi is really ticklish?
  • Kuroko: Yes, yes he is
  • Aomine: oh I have to try this! *runs over to Akashi*
  • Midorima: you do know that is suicidal, right?
  • Kuroko: yep
  • Midorima: may I ask what brought this on?
  • Kuroko: if Aomine-kun wants to court Kagami-kun he has to learn that if he does something wrong, I'll set Akashi-kun on him.
  • Midorima: isn't that a bit harsh?
  • Kuroko: Not really, Akashi-kun was annoying me with his boredom. Two birds one stone.
  • Ratchet: Dr. Pharma is out sick, you can cover the pit, or you can... you can tell me whose damn panties are on the bulletin board! *everybody in the background starts snickering*
  • Breakdown: (whispers to Knock Out) Is it yours?
  • Ratchet: This is a hospital, people! Serious work happens here. We save lives! *interns laugh* Oh, something funny? Whose're these?
  • Knock Out: This is bad. This isn't good.
  • Breakdown: You better claim them. He thinks they're mine!
  • Knock Out: Claim them? No.
  • Ratchet: *turns towards Knock Out and Breakdown* Yeah I know it's one of you. It's always one of mine. Always. So, tell me. Which one of you left your damn drawers on my surgical floor?

I. Captivated by her smile and her red hair he listens to her, too enchanted by her voice to interrupt. Her subtle touch on his arm sends him to heaven, engulfed in her smell. He doesn’t see the knife or feel the pain, only hears her soft laugh as he falls into darkness.

II. Such a beautiful face, she thinks as she spots her in the heat of battle, such red lips, made for smiling. And then she smiles. The symbols on her skin glow as the electricity crackles around her raised hand and the world turns white.  

III. He’s smooth, this one, mumbling hushed promises as they spin to the sound of violins. She lets him lead her off the dance floor and to his room, but knows he’s lying through his teeth even before the glistening red hand touches her bare shoulder.

IV. The soldier spots the armor across the battlefield. He knows the stories, has seen the splattered corpses left in his wake. A single question: will he die honorably or get torn to pieces - The yellow eyes flash once and it’s over.

V. He moves like solid shadow, kills everything that stands in his way – their way - without mercy. No one knows where he came from or what he looks like, they never even heard him speak. They whisper to themselves, wonder why he’s with them, why he’s following orders. Sometimes they look at his changing form and wonder if he’s even human.

VI. His slim figure towers over them, levitating, arms outstretched. A quiet moment – Then she draws her sword and the storm breaks loose. The wrath of nature pulled into a fist while his face never betrays emotion. The survivors always remember. You can’t forget a monster.

  • Liv: I know you say it's gonna be fine, but I swore that I wouldn't say anything to anyone about the drugs. And I have. I've told you.
  • Robert: Which was the right thing to do.
  • Liv: Right, but what if he doesn't see it like that and he thinks I can't be trusted? What if he's still taken them. What is he's hooked?
  • Robert: He's clean. He swore to me. Getting a release date is something for him to focus on.
  • Liv: Everyone hates a grass, Robert.
  • Robert: Liv, this could have ended really badly. Because you told me the truth, it didn't. You did a good thing.
  • Liv: Right, so you always tell the truth? Even if it could really upset him and possibly mess things up, you'd do it anyway?
  • Robert: Everyone wishes they could answer 'yes' to that question.
  • Liv: Exactly.
  • Robert: Yeah. Yeah, sometimes you do stupid things and if we could go back, we'd hit 'delete' and none of it would have happened. But this isn't one of those things. You did what needed to be done and he understands that.
  • Liv: So you set him straight?
  • Robert: I won't need to. We're family. He can't wait to see us.
  • Liv: Well, you're all right, Robert, you've not done anything wrong, have you?
  • Person: oh, so you are a shipper?
  • Me: I mean, I guess so.
  • Them: oh, Ok. That's fine. As long as you don't ship real people. I mean, that's just creepy and people who do are so weird.
  • Me: ....
  • Them: .......
  • Me: Yeah, this isn't going to work out. I don't need people judging me for something so normal. Goodbye, hope you realize that being rude isn't a good way to live your life.

anonymous asked:

Over spring break, a teacher saw me and said "hey cripple!" I really wanted to cry because this isn't the first time he's done something like that. I was walking past him in the hall one day and he told me that I needed to quit faking. I'm the only physically disabled student at my school so if I take my problem to the admin, he'll know it was me. I don't know how to make him stop. Do you have any ideas on what to do?

I can tell you this: you shouldn’t have to be going through this on your own. This guy is harassing you.

If there is an adult in your life that you trust, please talk to them about this. I would also suggest going to staff about how he’s treated you and if you’re worried about him finding out that it was you who reported his behavior, let the staff know that too. They might be able to keep your involvement out of it. 

Just know that he deserves any disciplinary action taken against him and I sincerely hope you don’t have to deal with his ableism in the future.