i’ve seen guys pull away from hooking up so quickly it seemed almost cartoonish. they hear a car pulling up to the house, and they buckle their pants & tug on a shirt in the 4 seconds it takes them to realise that it’s just the neighbour, not their parents. so i don’t really buy the argument that safewords are necessary because they “break immersion” in sex.
if your brain can simultaneously think about sex and make sure your roomates/parents/siblings aren’t about to walk in, why can’t you also make an effort to see how your partner is feeling & if they’re saying “no”, “stop”, or “wait”, or looking pained or uncomfortable? if you can hear the garage door or a creaking floorboard, why can’t you hear “no”? why does it take “bookworm” or “pineapple” or what the hell ever to make you pay attention?
mary pipher said “young men need to be socialized in such a way that rape is as unthinkable to them as cannibalism”. is it too much to ask that you consider the prospect of forcing yourself onto an unwilling person as disturbing as the idea of your parents catching you with your pants down ??