(Less enthusiastically known as: a guide to
accomplishing fucking nothing.)
The following excerpt comes from Chapter 1: How to Be a Writer.
Roll around in indecision for a long time, then open up a
Stare at document for an even longer amount of time. Write
10 words. Erase 7 of them. Stare at document again.
Write three paragraphs that sound okay now, but later you’ll
go back and discover you’ve just babbled about kittens and rainbows for two and
a half of them and you’ll have to try again.
Make disparaging notes to yourself about what you should be
Open up the internet and tell yourself that you’re doing
If you say it often enough, you might just start to believe
(Important Note: Tumblr does not count as research and is only
acceptable when writing smut that requires staring at gifs of Killian’s O-face.)
Perfectly acceptable research includes phrases such as
“Colin O'Donoghue shirtless”
and “Captain Swan kiss”.
It’s research after all, and you need this kind of inspiration to write
passages that will move your readers to tears of joy.
There is however a time limit that should be set for such
research. If you find yourself staring at Colin’s face for over an hour, it MIGHT
just be time to back away and admit that you’ve actually accomplished nothing.
However, if after that hour you are suddenly inspired to
write the smut, just go ahead and write the smut. Plot can come later. Write
the damn smut. It’s why you started the story anyway.
Unless of course you find great pleasure in cock-blocking
those poor, poor souls while also driving your readers mad with frustration.
If that happens to be the case, go ahead and write over 100k
words before you let anyone get near third base.
(Side note: If you do this, your name is probably Carley, and a
lot of people will claim you are evil and ruler of the underworld and flail at
you a lot. This is encouraging. Keep cock-blocking them, but throw them a bone
with some hot make-out scenes whilst doing so.)
Also, do not juggle two (or more) multi-chapter fics at a
time. I don’t give a fuck what your muses say. THEY KNOW NOTHING. Just
don’t do it.
(Disclaimer: Very little in this guide should be taken seriously
as it was written while both authors were avoiding any sort of ACTUAL
And on a rather unfortunate note, the guide was never
finished because both authors decided to “research” shortly after
they began and never returned to the project.
I really want an internet best friend, we can text everyday get to know each other really well. Send each other packages, Skype/oovoo come up with inside jokes to tell each other! And then eventually meet in real life. Make a cute internet friend video and just have the best week of our lives! Message me if you’re interested! (:
Hey so uh ive been noticing that tumblr hasnt really done a lot of good for me lately, plus the fact that its just now spilled with politics and hatred and a bunch of social issues just takes out the fun of what it used to be, so i might delete this account. I see a lot of that stuff that honestly just pisses me off and with that, i feel that deleting this account would make things a lot easier on myself. I also feel that people dont really care for me on here? So i mean, thats another reason. I feel like people dont really enjoy me and just. idk.
Anyway, with all that said, message me your thoughts on this if you dont want me to go, and ill see about getting you my skype, twitter, or anything else really that i feel comfortable giving out.
i don’t know if i mentioned this………… but one of my older sisters lives in dubai because her husband is doing a shit ton of design work for the HUGE theme park they’re opening out there…….. and when she visited in spring she saw my slow growing nendoroid collection and told me there’s a TON of them at one of their favorite spots in dubai so they told me to tell them which ones i wanted and they would try looking for them. so i gave her the nendoroid numbers of the kill la kill nendoroids since theyre so hard to find out here in the us at a reasonable price (THE HOLY GRAILS ON MY NENDOROID WISH LIST YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND) and she really wanted to skype with me today so i get on AND SHE FOUND THE FUCKING SATSUKI KIRYUIN NENDOROID (438) AT COMIC CAVE UNOPENED IN PERFECT CONDITION AT THE FUCKING REGULAR RETAIL PRICE AND BOUGHT IT FOR ME AND I LITERALLY CRIIIIIIIIIIIIIEDDDD I RAN AROUND MY HOUSE WITH MY LAPTOP SHOWING MY PARENTS SCREAMING. I CALLED MY BOYFRIEND CRYING LMAO. POOR THING. i am so happy. i have my baby daughter. she comes in january and i CAN’T WAIT!!!
tbh i should really try again to get used to use skype but like i literally never used it in my whole life until now when people around here seems to use it daily and i’m like the only loser who doesn’t? lmao