but please don't tell someone they are discouraging you by doing something they love

anonymous asked:

Do you have any advice for critiquing a friend's writing? I don't want to discourage their enthusiasm, I think I may just be in a negative mindset but I can't think of much positive feedback. They have a lot they need to work on, and I want to help, I just don't know how to do it without coming accross shitty. I feel like I'm very lacking in my critiquing ability and I won't be able to help them the way they need to grow, but neither of us know anyone else who could help.

Hey, anon! I have a few suggestions, so bear with me for a slightly longer response than usual!

Originally posted by veryfunstuff

First, I want to say that it’s okay not to give your friend critiques, especially if you don’t feel comfortable doing it! Stick to positive feedback (I have a few ideas for that!) until you come across something you feel comfortable suggesting to them. I have a few friends who I tell, “Look, I’m not going to critique you. I can give you a suggestion and totally be excited for what you write, of course, but I don’t think my way of critiquing is going to help you.”

It’s better to be honest up front rather than try to tell them what they want to hear!

1) What is positive feedback? Positive feedback is anything that you like about someone’s story. It doesn’t have to be the way it was written! Maybe you like the plot, maybe you like the characters, maybe they did description particularly well! Just because someone’s writing skill level isn’t as high as they’d like doesn’t mean there’s nothing good about their work!

“Oh, I like the setting a lot. The tall, red brick buildings are perfect for the apocalyptic thing you’ve got going on.”

“I really like how brave Character A is! It takes a lot to stand up to Character B.”

“I love Sci-fi, so I was really excited to see your story going in that direction!”

“This sentence here, the one about X, I really like this turn of phrase!”

These are all examples of positive feedback! There are so many layers in story-telling, there’s always something good to comment on! 

2) Use AND not BUT.  A lot of times, “but” can feel invalidating. “I really liked X, but y needs work.” That makes the author feel like all the reader will see is Y. They totally miss out on how great X is! Think of it as improv! You can’t keep building the scene (or story!) without “and!” 

“I really like X and I feel like the reader will feel it even more if Y really focuses on…”

“You’ve got the beginnings of a great character here and I think you can continue that by adding a flashback or something similar.”

“I love the direction this is taking and think it’ll really bring it all together if you vary your sentence structure here…”

You’re working with the writer to bring their story to life, you’re not judging their writing. When I started thinking about it like improv, I actually improved my relationships with my writing friends because they knew I was on their side!

3) There’s a lot to fix. The simple truth of the matter is that the only way to get better at writing is to read, write, and edit. There’s no way around that! So don’t try to make a new writer’s work look like Hemingway, it takes forever and it’s super discouraging!

Try to offer two suggestions per piece someone shows you! (The number of suggestions will be up to you, but for new writers, I’d suggest two!) Try to make each suggestion different. Maybe one will be about sentence structure and another will be about pacing. Or one could be about characterization and another could be keeping an eye out for dialogue formatting!

There’s nothing wrong with having a lot to work on and as much as we’d all love to tackle every problem at once, we can’t! So just giving a few suggestions until next time is much better since it lets the author just focus on those in edits!

It also helps to give the author context for your suggestions. 

“I think this needs to be slower, but that’s based on my personal taste.”

 “This sounds awkward to me and I don’t know why. I really liked how this author did it in their book. Maybe take a look when you have time for ideas?”

“I’m having trouble with this too! Recently I’ve tried X, Y, and Z. Maybe you could try?”

4) What are they asking? If you don’t know where to start with suggestions, ask them! Ask them if they want you to pay attention to this character or pacing or description. Writers will, a lot of the time, already know what they’re struggling with or what they want to work on next. Ask for parameters so that you’re both on the same page in the critique!

“Could you keep an eye out for awkward phrasing?”

“Sure!”

“And also, Character A is supposed to be angry with Character B. If you have any suggestions on how to show that, please let me know.”

“Of course!”

It’s also the writer’s job to work with you, especially if you’re friends! 

5) Who else can help? That sucks that there aren’t many writers around you! I’d try Scribophile (X) if you’d like some reviews from strangers! It’s a site I use fairly often!


Hope this helps anon! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!

anonymous asked:

Hi! I don't really have anyone I could talk to about this, so maybe I'll feel a bit better if I tell you.. I'm 19, it's been a while since I realised I might actually be gay. The thing is, I can't come out. My family would be so disappointed, I don't wanna hurt them, I'm a terrible daughter already. It just.. gets a bit lonely, I guess? I feel like nothing's gonna change and it just sucks. I don't really expect any help, since there's nothing you can do, but maybe you'll at least understand me.

I understand this because I’ve been there, in fact most of us have been there? It’s a bit discouraging that you have to seek support in other people because those close to you won’t, but you have to be strong. Talk to your friends, meet people online, join some accepting and loving lgbt group. 

Also, “being a terrible daughter” is a concept that sucks, I mean, we are forced to be like our parents want us and if we can’t or don’t wanna then we’re “terrible”. I know how it is to feel you’re a disappointment to your parents, and useless in general because of that, and you’re not the one to blame; if someone, as a parent, makes their child feel that way, they’re the ones who are doing something wrong.

I hope everything gets better. Please know I am here whenever you need to talk. Try not to lose hope. xxxxx

twentyonesunsets  asked:

when are you going to continue with Party Games? I fucking need it, I'm desesperated :(((

What do you mean? I never stopped writing it…

I think what you’re asking is more in the lines of: when are you going to finish writing the rest of chapters and post them, you slowtard, lazy, sorry excuse for a writer??
(That’s what your ask looks like to me)

Well. Let me tell you something. (This is gonna be long)

First of all: Real life exists. Behind every form of art, there is an artist. And an artist is also a person. A human being. And being a person most times comes with a series of responsibilities. In my case: I have a job to which I dedicate 10 hours a day; I have an apartment that needs cleaning; I have two cats that need feeding; I have a boyfriend that needs my love and attention; I have a family that need some of my time; I have friends who, for some reason, want to spend time with me… Then, there’s also the things we, human beings do that aren’t responsibilities, which we like to call hobbies: I read books, I read manga, I read fanfiction; I watch series, movies, dramas; I learn languages; I play cards… And then, sometimes, I dissociate: I don’t do anything. What I want to say is: Life is time-consuming.

Secondly: Writing needs a mood. I write every day. Some days just a sentence, sometimes muliple pages. But I need to feel like writing. Sometimes I reread what I have and I hate it, so I delete it all. I have very low self-esteem and it’s hard for me to believe I’m writing anything good, worth of reading; so, most times I’m profoundly discouraged and unmotivated (by my own hate).

Thirdly: Feedback is fuel. I cannot stress enough how important it is to feel that what you have created is not utter shit after all. Your comments, be it heartfelt messages or squealing or just keysmashes, is usually what feeds every artist’s motivation. So, if you want someone to create something, you should encourage them. Motivate them. What you sent me is NOT feedback; it’s pressure. And pressure is often times counterproductive. It makes me feel sorry for being so slow and I shouldn’t be.

Fourthly: Fanfiction is free. FREE. We spend hours and hours writing and you consume it in seconds and we DO NOT GET PAID, and you don’t spend any money. Please, please, have this in mind when criticizing someone’s work (not the case) or demanding someone to write more.

Last and most important:  I write for a reason. And that reason is way more complex than just pleasing the reader. (If you happen to enjoy it that’s a plus, a great plus, but it’s definitely not the why I do it.) In the end of the day, I write for me. And I do it because I need to do it. Writing is the safe place I go when I don’t know where to go. Writing is an escape from the overwhelming weight of real life. As a very sensitive person, writing allows me to express my feelings without being sorry for it. Please, don’t take that from me. Do not demand me to satisfy your needs when I can hardly satisfy mine. 

It isn’t my intention to offend you or anyone, I simply want to expose the other and less attractive face of creative works.

As always, thank you for reading!

Getting Therapy

A few of these asks have been sitting in my inbox for ages now, so I’ve decided to answer them all in a single post. Just as a reminder, this isn’t exactly an advice blog and I’m rather under-qualified to respond; I can really only speak from personal experience.

how would you suggest finding a good therapist? i was in therapy at one point but it was a horrendous experience and i’m rather anxious about potentially going back

hey do you (or your followers) know any way to track down a good therapist? ‘cause I’ve been to 3 (4?) already and all of them were awful, I’m getting so discouraged… not in any specific place, just like good ways to get in touch with a good T. (i don’t live in america fyi)

Hi :) I’ve had several therapists in the past and recently ive had the same one for over a year. Unfortunately i honestly feel like she isn’t help at all, and feel like im getting worse. She’s a lovely lady though. What should I do?

Hi, I know this isn’t an advice blog and you don’t have to answer, but how do you convince your parents to take you to a therapist? I’ve visited a therapist before and had a hard time opening up but now I’m journaling and trying to get better. For the past several months I’ve displayed a lot of BPD symptoms and would like a therapist to tell me if it’s just anxiety or actually something else. My mom always says she’ll take me to a therapist but it never happens. What do I do? Sorry

Tips for Finding a Good Therapist

1. Ask friends or family for recommendations. If you’re comfortable, those closest to you can be a great resource because they know you best.

2. Ask your physician (GP, family practitioner, etc.) to refer you. They’re usually connected with a few professionals in the mental health field.

3. Search online. A lot of therapists keep digital profiles, which can be an easy way to do a quick search.

4. Call. This can be terrifying, but most therapists are willing to talk briefly about their philosophy and clear up any logistical items before you commit to an appointment.

5. Attend a session and ask loads of questions. Ask about their training, their experience, and their approach to therapy. Ask about their fees, policies, and confidentiality. Ask about methods of contact, insurance, and what happens during a crisis situation. This is most efficient way to determine if they’re going to be a good fit.

Switching Therapists

If you feel uncomfortable at any point during your therapy experience - and not the ‘ahhh this is hard to talk about’ but the ‘no this isn’t okay’ feeling - you have every right to discontinue. It can be equally difficult if you find yourself seeing someone who is quite a wonderful person, yet simply isn’t helpful. Switching therapists can be awkward, but just remember that you’ve got to advocate for yourself by letting T know what you need from them. Take responsibility for your own recovery and if they can’t provide the help that you deserve, it’s time to look elsewhere. When I terminate with a therapist - whatever the reason may be - I always like to give them a card because that makes the transition easier for me and gives closure to the relationship.

Tips for Convincing Someone to Take You to Therapy

1. Practice the conversation. Organise your thoughts and figure out how you’re going to get the message across.

2. Have the conversation. It’s never going to feel like the ‘right time’, so just choose a time that’s calm and private.

3. Write a letter. This ensures you’ll be able to say exactly what you need to, without any interruptions.

4. Make a list of potential therapists. Giving your parents a list is beneficial because A) it shows that you are serious about your recovery and B) it takes a bit of the workload off them, as you’ve already researched contact information.

Hope this helps and if anyone else has experience, please comment!

anonymous asked:

For your information, when Meghan trainor said "fuck those skinny bitches" she was referring to girls that made fun of her for being fat. I know that can hurt your feelings. But, we bigger people get one freaking song that tells us that our bodies are okay, and all you skinny girls are constantly being praised by the media for being thin. So instead of calling her a dick, why don't you go after people that Fat shame. Or are you pro fat shaming since you're skinny?

First: I’m unsure what brought this up, if you let us know what the offending post is we will re-examine it and possibly edit it.

Second: There are 11 moderators of varying body sizes, so I’m not sure to whom this is addressed?

Third: this blog is very adamantly anti-fatphobia and body positive. For more info check out our FAQ and these various tags on our blog: edrecoveryprobs.com/tagged/fat-shaming  edrecoveryprobs.com/tagged/fat-positive edrecoveryprobs.com/tagged/body-positive edrecoveryprobs.com/tagged/fatphobia. You can also check out one of our moderators’ specifically fat-positive blog, fat-sass

Fourth: As an eating disorder recovery blog, we really discourage comments about other people’s bodies as it can be a trigger for some people. Luckily it’s not for me, but it could be for some other moderators on here so please be respectful when sending questions!

Fifth: Meghan Trainor is very much not body positive. In her “body positive anthem” she phrases “fat” and “perfect” as contradicting ideas (“I know you think you’re fat / … / but every inch of you is perfect”), and the whole song is about how it’s okay to be fat because some guys like fat girls, as if fat bodies alone are NOT okay unless validated by a dude with a fetish. She also refers to anorexia as a diet and says she’s “not strong enough” to choose to suffer from a mental illness (something we as a recovery blog DO resent quite a bit). 

Fifth: Meghan Trainor didn’t invent body positivity and there are tons of artists who deal with that topic in their music. Some of my personal favorites: 

  • I Know Girls (Body Love) by Mary Lambert: [addiction, self-harm, suicide, purging] But the time has come for us to reclaim our bodies /…/ I know I am because I said, “I am.” / My body is home /…/ You are worth more than who you fuck / You are worth more than a waistline /…/ You are no less valuable as a size 16 than a size 4 / You are no less valuable as a 32a than a 36c 
  • Secrets” also by Mary Lambert: They tell us from the time we’re young / To hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves / Inside ourselves / I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else / Well I’m over it
  • In My Mind” by Amanda Palmer: [numbers(weight)] And maybe it’s funniest of all / To think I’ll die before I actually see / That I am exactly the person that I want to be / Fuck yes / I am exactly the person that I want to be
  • Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)” by Mika. [somewhat objectifying tho] Walks in to the room / Feels like a big balloon / I said, ‘Hey girls you are beautiful‘ 
  • Video” by India Arie: When I look in the mirror the only one there is me / Every freckle on my face is where it’s supposed to be / And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me / My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes I’m lovin what I see
  • More Beautiful You” by Jonny Diaz: [restriction] Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine / Says she wants to look that way / But her hair isn’t straight, her body isn’t fake / And she’s always felt overweight /Well, little girl fourteen I wish that you could see /That beauty is within your heart / And you were made with such care, your skin, your body and your hair / Are perfect just the way they are
  • Pretty Hurts” by Beyoncé: [video shows purging] Pretty hurts, we shine the light on whatever’s worst / Perfection is a disease of a nation, pretty hurts /…/ We try to fix something but you can’t fix what you can’t see / It’s the soul that needs the surgery
  • God Loves Ugly” by Jordin SparksBut God loves ugly
    He doesn’t see the way I see / Oh god takes ugly / And turns it into to something that is beautiful / Apparently I’m so beautiful

  • Try” by Colbie CallaitTake your make up off / Let your hair down / Take a breath / Look into the mirror, at yourself / Don’t you like you? / Cause I like you
  • I am the Body Beautiful” by Salt-n-PepaI celebrate the body and enjoy good health/And I gets down with my bad self/It’s all good from the front to the back/Two snaps and a clap for a body like that/It’s a good damn thing I don’t care what you say/I’m somebody beautiful/I am body beautiful
  • Beautiful” by Joydrop: [reference to an idealized beauty] If I was beautiful like you/I would never be at fault/I’d walk in the rain between the rain drops/Bringing traffic to a halt/But that will never be/No that will never never be/Cause Im not beautiful like you/I’m beautiful like me.
  • Believe in Me” by Demi LovatoI don’t wanna be afraid/I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today/And know that I’m okay/Cause everyone’s perfect in unusual ways/So you see I just wanna believe in me
  • Follow Your Arrow” by Kacey Musgraves: [sarcastic body-shaming] If you can’t lose the weight then you’re just fat/But if you lose too much then you’re on crack/You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t/So you might as well just do whatever you want

…the list continues indefinitely. It is both star-studded and endless.

Sixth: This is a blog where people can submit posts about their own experiences and feelings during recovery; not every post is meant to appeal to every person (much like this song!). Some people who are already struggling to like their bodies are very sensitive to negative body comments, including “fuck skinny bitches,” so we include those posts as well. If you want to submit a post about how that song helps you feel empowered, great! We’ll happily look at it. 

If you want to discuss this further please send a message off anon or to a specific moderator (I’m mod 1) so that we don’t have to post a bunch in a row. I hope that addressed your concern!