but now i like the eyepatch oh no

bo burnham ask meme.

“Okay, that’s a used napkin.”
“Magic isn’t real, you idiot. Read a book.”
“It’s so hard to be a lizard.”
“Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.”
“For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.”
“JUGGLING! We can do juggling, and JUGGLE OUR CARES AWAY!”
“Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.”
“Where are all the sour patch parents?”
“Art is a lie. NOTHING IS REAL.”
“What’s a pirate minus the ship? Just a creative homeless guy.”
“And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.”
“YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people you mean 13 year old girls and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers.”
“Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.”
“The world’s not sad! The world’s funny! I get it now- I’m a sociopath!”
“What the fuck’s a g-spot.”
“I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?” So I didn’t exist.”
“Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.”
“When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.”
“Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.”
“If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?”
“Being a comedian isn’t capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public- it’s being a HERO!”
“Why are you wearing a condom?! I’m fucking you with a strap-on!”
“Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones; or masturbate during the daytime.”
“If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.”
‘Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.”
“Pages are blank. I know it. Why am I lying to you?”
“What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.”
“He was lashing out with sexist language because he had his heart broken.”
“I don’t think that I can handle this right now.”
“Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers? Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really good point, they should… fix that. It’s good to know that somebody finally gets me!”
“I’m constipated, couldn’t give a shit.”
“I wanted to be a physicist when I was younger, and I also wanted to be a comedian, but only one of those worked out, so I’d like to try to do both now in a bit that I call theoretical dick jokes.”
‘Love is all about… whistles.”
“WHAT DID I DO LAST NIGHT?! I cried myself to sleep!”
“There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?”
“I love your eyes and their bluish, brownish, greenish colour.”
“Give me the bottle, I’ll chug two thirds, ‘cause you bitches know fractions speak louder than words.”
“You guys like impressions? Why?”
“I like oreos and pussy! Yes, in that order!”
“So, basically, you’re still a little bitch.”
“I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me…”
“I cried for at least an hour after watching Toy Story 3.”
“My love’s the kind of thing you’ve got to earn, and when you earn it, you won’t need it.”
“There’s a trillion aliens cooler than you.”
“I’m just being alive! You should try it, you might LIIIIKE it.”
“I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.”
“I’m a little all over the place, but I’m lustful, and trustful, and I’m just lookin’ for somebody to love.”
“I saw a flyer for a lost dog; and the dog didn’t have any legs.”
“Because this is a metaphor for racism!”
“If I had a million dollars, I’d pay for sex with your mom. Afterwards, I’d probably invest the remaining 999,990 dollars TEN DOLLARS FOR SEX WITH YOUR MOM. COMEDY.”
“I WANNA BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A BLUNT OBJECT.”
“Goodbye, sadness! Hello, jokes.”
“Tragedy will be exclusively joked about.”
“I can’t fit my hand inside a pringles can.”
“Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn’t be a dick?!”
“But the truth is, my biggest problem is you. I want to please you, but I want to stay true to myself.”
“Look, maybe there’s something that we can do together.”
“So I should probably just shut up, and do my job.”
“So, sit back, relax, and enjoy a healthy dose of prolonged eye contact.”
“Lick your lips to make it more comfortable.”
“Have you ever stopped to see a bluebird drop from a tree, and take to the air? Me neither.”
“The people in my life are like grains of sand, ‘cause they stick together. …often near my butthole.”
“The people in my life are like blades of grass, ‘cause they’re all so grounded. But at least grass stays away from my BUTTHOLE!”
“If Mama is right, and the world is my oyster; then I must have an allergy to shellfish.”

Headcanon that now Levi has more insomnia than ever and Hanji reads to him to calm him down and help him fall asleep. They both really like LOTR. 

I miss Erwin too, guys. 

cosmicmarshmellow  asked:

oooh!! How about Mondo, Kuzuuryu, Celestia and Hoshi being given bento by a best friend (who has a crush on them hehehe)

Awhhhh I love Bento! It’s so pretty <3

Request: Mondo, Kuzuryuu, Celestia and Hoshi being given bento by best friend (crush)

Mondo Owada:

- You weren’t too sure if he’d like it

- But you tried your best nonetheless!

- You did your best to make cute little animals mostly trying to make dogs

- When you were handing it over to him you were rather nervous

- But the second he opened it and looked at it, a massive grin appeared on his face

- “Aw no way, you did this for me L/n?”

- You nod doing your best to hide the blush forming on your cheeks

- “Shit… I feel bad for eating it now”

- He pats your head before offering you some chopsticks

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu:

- Would a yakuza like bento?

- Well time to find out 

- You weren’t really sure what he’d like so you simply recreated the pattern on his eyepatch

- “Uh… Kuzuryuu - kun, I made you something”

- “Oh yeah?”

- He looks up at you, curiosity evident in his eye

- You hand him the box and wait patiently as he opens it

- He lets out a chuckle before turning back to you

- “Is that bento?”

- You nod

- “That’s… That’s really cute. Thank L/n”

- OmgHeJustComplimentedMeOmgOmg

- You nod again unable to actually say anything

Celestia Ludenberg:

- She always got you to gamble with her

- Of course she always won, but this time you wanted to mix things up

- “Celes - san! Let’s gamble again”

- “Oh? How much are you willing to bet?”

- “I will bet the contents of this box”

- You place the box in front of her

- She simply nods and starts handing out the cards

- As expected… You lost

- “Not too bad L/n - san/kun… But a deal is a deal”

- She carefully lifts the lid of the box and just stops

- Inside is rice arranged to look like the aces of each card suit and some gambling chips made out of various foods

- “Oh my, this may be one of the best things I won”

- “R-Really?”

- “Mm, shame it’s all mine”

- She winks before beginning to eat, a smile present on her lips 

Ryoma Hoshi:

- You noticed that he seemed rather.. Down lately

- So you felt like it was your duty to make your crush best friend feel better

- You prepared several rice balls and decided to make half of them cats and the other half tennis balls

- You did have to admit, the cats turned out rather cute

- “Hoshi - kun~”

- You found him sitting on a bench looking at a rather empty field

- “Oh, hey L/n”

- “Awwwww don’t sound so sad!”

- “Huh? Oh… Sorry”

- “Mm… Here I’m sure this will cheer you up!”

- You place the box on his lap and smile

- He raises his eyebrow at you but opens it 

- “Oh.. My… God.”

- He stares at the bento with wide eyes

- “This- You- For me?!”

- You giggle and nod

- “I know you love cats so I tried my very best…”

- “L/n that’s amazing!”

- You feel happy, seeing him so overjoyed was worth all the effort

anonymous asked:

Black butler

Good job anon, cause ironically enough, no one had asked me this one .. maybe bc my answers are kinda obvious tho xD

  • Favorite character: the tiny devil we’ve been following for so many years now: Ciel, aka Sebastian’s Ciel, eyepatch!Ciel, our!Ciel
  • Second favorite character:Sebastian
  • Least favorite character: (honesty hour it is I guess xD) Edward Midford, Nina Hopkins, prince Soma, Elizabeth
  • The character I’m most like: Ciel
  • Favorite pairing: hmm.. let’s see… that one with the proud, small and angry kid and the dumb, smug and attractive demon, who are great together and have this complex and unique relationship… i can’t remember the na-.. oh right, SebaCiel (⊙ヮ⊙)
  • Least favorite pairing: any other character + Ciel
  • Favorite moment: so many, but this is one of my faves
  • Rating out of 10: 9

Send me series and I’ll answer

anonymous asked:

Do you know why shin where an eyepatch

yes!!!

shin is what we like to call a Rowdy Boy. rowdy boy shin got into a fight with the vibora clan (those cool snake people that we never get to actually see) and the vibora king was Pissed, and he was like “we’re gonna fuck you founders UP because this rowdy boy tried to fight us”

but carla was like “pleas e……..i apologize for what my rowdy boy brother has done. if i give you his eye then will u forgive us” and the vibora king was like “yea that’ll work” and shin was like “wait, what- OH JESUS FUCK MY EYE”

and thats why shin wears an eyepatch now. he said in an interview once that he thinks the eyepatch is pretty stylish tho. so hey, silver linings

Cyril is now on Mateus! ♥ Thank you to my Beloved Little Crumpet™ (aka @lady-of-crowns) for helping me get him his eyepatch and some half decent clothes.

Gives him a once over. It’ll do.

BONUS: My reshade decided that Eru had transcended the mortal realm.

Nijis YouTube Channel Part 3

Niji: Welcome back to my channel! I’m happy to announce that soon a draw my life stream will start!

Later that day :

Niji: apparently, I looked like cute and smoll potato when I was born. I’m serious. It’s not because i can’t draw babys.
Ichiji: It is.
Niji: It’s. It’s not okay. So i looked like a potato, but a beautiful one, not like a certain someone who looked like shit when he was born -glances at Ichiji-
Ichiji; I was perfectly fine. Mom took you to the doc to ask why you are so ugly, not me.
Niji: -kokoro is brokoro..like again-
Ichiji; Sometimes I’m asking myself if you are really thinking about what an Idiot could say now.
Niji: -sighs- -looks into the cam- The devil wears prada is a lie, Ichiji is literally wearing only a white tee and an eyepatch.
Ichiji: This is all live, right? So your boyfriend sees and hears us too?
Niji: Oh I nearly forgot that! HI TAYSIR. IT IS I. YOUR LOVE. YOUR BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIEND.

Taysir: Ah yes, This is where I’ve laid my affections.
Taysir:
Taysir:
Taysir: I love this dork.

A few minutes later

Niji: ANNND…that’s me today! -draws potato with 4 legs- A young, beautiful and handsome men, smashin’ with mah hot boyfriend and -
Ichiji: TOO MUCH INFORMATION.
Niji: Yeah Yeah..So guys, follow me on Insta, and for those who are already following me, I’m so sorry that I haven’t posted a Selfie in a while but I still am very cute just to keep you updated -winks-
Niji; So you got any questions ? -looks at the live commenting-

PuddingLover763
Speaking of your boyfriend, what was the weirdest thing you’ve ever said to him?

Niji: Oh well… -cough-
Niji: I looked him straight in the eyes and said “Glad your parents had sex.” instead of saying ’I’m happy that you were born’ or ’that I was able to meet you.’…yeah…-reads more-

LittleEggPlant68
describe your brothers!

Niji: okay uhm…Sanji is the youngest one, he is great at cooking and has a thing for that..what does he call him? Mosshead i think And Ichiji..he..has 3 Moods. ’Fuck this.’ ’Fuck that’.’Fuck you.’ I actually thought about a 4th Mood, ’Fuck me.’, but we all know that this is never going to happen.

#NijiStrikesAgain2017

Niji: Okay next one!

PurpleCat882
Why is you brother so..well..emotionless? I’m sorry for my dumb question..

Niji; Ohh no no. It’s alright. The question wasn’t dumb. The reason is simple. Having feelings is ruining his reputation of being a heartless bitch.

#ANDTHEREHEGOESAGAIN
#NIJISTRIKESAGAIN2017


Ichiji:…aren’t you a ray of sunshine today..
Niji: I’m even better and hotter than a ray of sunshine, ow! burned myself on my hot body. -puts hand on Ichijis heart-..ahh..so nice and cold. ..Ah and now i understand why our food yesterday was so cold and bland..Because you put your heart and soul into it!

#OHHSOMEONESHOULDSTOPTHISSHITIMMEDIATLEY
#SOMEONENEEDSICEFORTHATBURNANDITSNOTNIJI
#NIJISTRIKESAGAIN2017


Sanji: -enters room without looking- Niji did you saw my porn-…flakes. -looks into the cam- is…is this…live?
niji: pffff…-cough-
your..pornflakes are under the kitchen sink.
Sanji:…hmpf uhm..th-thanks.
Niji: uhm..pff…s-sooo…-tries not to laugh- Next topic.

Niji: Cooking with Niji and my Bro Sanji! Have fun watching..this mess!

niji; oh boy it’s so hot in here.
Niji: or is it just me -eyebrow wiggle-
Sanji: It’s a Kitchen you Donut.
Niji: Oh Shut up and eat your Pornflakes!
Sanji: You little-
Niji: Don’t you dare to yell at me! Not with that Attitude!
Sanji: Shut up!
Niji: No you Shut up!
Sanji: you’re gonna regret that in the Morning!
Niji: no I won’t because I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver!
Sanji: -FALCON FACE PALM-
Niji: WHAT WAS THAT FOR HUH.
Sanji: YOU SURE ARE DUMB

A few seconds later they were fighting over nothing. the Kitchen became a Mess.

Ichiji: -enters kitchen–sees mess-
Ichiji: What the happ is fuckening.

Niji: Yeaah..so…cooking with him ended in a terrible fight and insults that brokoro our kokoro..and kitchen…Yeah..

Niji: So, that’s it for today! Hope you had fun! See ya until next time!





// Don’t worry, it’s…it’s the last part…well I hope so.. @ask-the-vinsmokes

harry-hart-superspy  asked:

OH MY GOD YOU KNOW KINGSMAN AND YOU LIKE COLIN TOO 🙏🙏 YES I SAW THE TRAILER HE EVEN LOOKS HOT WITH AN EYEPATCH I SCREAAAMMMEEDDD

OMG YESSSSSS SAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (AND OMG MERLIN BEING LIKE SHOOK AND EGGSY BEING SPEECHLESS LIKE OMG) I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL SEPTEMBER :’O I WANT IT NOW NO I NEED IT NOW 

anonymous asked:

Plus thirteen years when Touka and Kaneki's daughter (who I've named Kaori) finds an old photo of kuroneki and Touka in part one and asks about it?

I like the name!

“Mom?” Kaori holds up a photo album. Laughter ripples from her throat. 

“Hmm?” Touka turns around.

“Why does Dad have an eyepatch?”

“Oh!” Touka smiles. “That’s from around the time we first met. I called him a useless idiot. He could barely fight. He’d only just become a half-ghoul.”

“Wow.” Kaori squints. “He looks so timid.”

“He was. He was also the sweetest boy I’d met, and that angered me.” Touka laughs now. “That hasn’t changed.”

“Oh, please.” Kaori rolls her eyes. “Don’t get sappy with me.”

“Someday, you’ll appreciate it!”

Kaneki enters the room. “What are we talking about?”

“How obnoxiously nice you are, Daddy.” Kaori smiles at him, and Kaneki can’t resist smiling back. She is his princess. 

Trick or Treat

A/N: I can’t even believe I’m writing this. It’s 2am and I have to get up in 4 hours.  But I’m seriously so fucked up by that video I have to do something about it.  HE LICKED THE FUCKING SWORD YOU GUYS.

Originally posted by dailyniall

You were putting the finishing touches on your cat costume when the doorbell rang.  You were feeling a little pressed for time - Niall had invited you to a costume party at the house of one of his sound engineers and would be picking you up any minute.  You’d only been dating a short time, and your nerves still kicked in before each date.  He’d been nothing but sweet and gentlemanly, you hadn’t even had sex yet.  But you seemed to have a real connection and you were excited to see where this was going.

The trick or treaters had been fairly scarce tonight, it was drizzling and cold - keeping most of the younger kids at home.  You grabbed the candy dish and rushed to the door.  

You flung the door open and caught it with your foot to hold it open.  Your mouth dropped open instantly at the sight of Niall.  Dressed as a pirate.  The first thing you noticed was that he was wearing a giant gold earring.  The second thing you noticed was that he had a huge candy necklace hanging around his neck.  You put your hand over your mouth to stifle you laugh - his face was deadly serious.  He pursed his lips a bit and smirked at you.  “Hey babe. Trick.”  He lifted up the fake broadsword at his side and dragged the blade across his tongue.  “Or treat.  Your choice.”

Keep reading

The Kingdom Was Lost Ch.1

Sequel to For Want Of A Nail 

Slaine Week Day 05: Crossover/AU

Pairing: inahoxslaine (orangebat, inasure)

Rated: PG-15 

Chapter: 01/? 

Word Count: 3.5k

Summary:

Slaine slowly rises in the martian ranks, Asseylum remains asleep while her sister tries to take her place, and Inaho finally goes back to the front lines.

Slaine and Inaho are now enemies, fighting for different sides. Or so they’d have people believe.

Chapter 01

For want of a nail, the shoe was lost; 
For want of a shoe, the horse was lost;
For want of a horse, the rider was lost;
For want of a rider, the message was lost;
For want of the message, the battle was lost;
For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost,
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

Keep reading

Here, have some Bills <3

Yay, more Bills! They’re all so cute. I love all the different expressions you’ve drawn, and I think your design for the eyepatch is really interesting! You have a real nice, memorable style and I’d love to see more of your work. :D

Left alone

I’m sitting at Anteiku waiting for you

You haven’t been the same since I’ve seen you

You’ve gotten pale as a zombie

You’ve started wearing an eyepatch

And now your ignoring my messages

Hey man, what’s wrong with you

Kaneki, Man, don’t leave me hanging

Kaneki…if you don’t answer I’ll just have to blow up your phone ;3

Hey, let’s go to Big Girl!

You and I both like that place

Oh…wait your still not here

You’ve been gone for six months

I’m m evening putting out posters for you

Oh please come back Kaneki

I’m still here waiting for you

Are you back?

Are you okay?

Did something happen?

Kaneki…I know your a ghoul

But, that won’t change the way I fee about you

Kaneki, Man, please come home

I’m a rabbit…dying of loneliness

“Survivor: Not Amestris” - Episode 1 (Part 1)

16 castaways. Two tribes. Who will outwit, outplay, and outlast? Who will be voted off the island? And which of these 16 FMA characters will be the sole survivor?

Silly, poorly written parody work where the characters of Fullmetal Alchemist are on the reality TV show Survivor. You don’t need prior knowledge of the latter to read, though, I wouldn’t recommend this unless you’re familiar with FMA. Spoilers for it are inevitable.

Red Tribe: Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, Olivier Mira Armstrong, Solf J. Kimblee, Scar, May Chang, Lan Fan, Rebecca Catalina
Yellow Tribe: Winry Rockbell, Fuhrer Bradley, Riza Hawkeye, Greedling, Jean Havoc, Alphonse Elric, Izumi Curtis, Alex Loius Armstrong

*I do not own any of the FMA characters or Jeff Probst*

Read on Ao3


The sixteen castaways can hear nothing over the propellor chopping through the wind. Edward Elric stares out the window of the helicopter, marveling at the expanse of the island as they draw closer toward the ground. Turquoise waves lick the rocky shore, glittering from the sunlight’s kiss. He’d never seen anything quite so blue. Probably because Amestris is landlocked and his fictional continent doesn’t grant much in the aesthetic department.

Beside him, Roy Mustang has tensed, taking in the massive body of water with a wary gaze. When he agreed to be on this reality show, no one ever said there would be so much water involved. The humidity percentage must be off the charts. No way he’ll be able to create a spark in a place like this.

Due to his distress, Olivier Armstrong begins to cackle, crossing her ankle over her knee, looking out at their new home for the next thirty days.

Keep reading

Bacchanalia, Part I

A/N: Future AU, Weiss/Ruby/Blake domestic fic about them being girlfriends. For funblade because I promised it to her months ago.

You can read the second part of this story here

The Bacchanalia were Roman festivals of Bacchus, the Greco-Roman god of wine, freedom, intoxication and ecstasy. In modern usage, bacchanalia can mean any uninhibited or drunken revelry. [x]

OoOoOo

Her suitcase wheels clacked on pristine white tiled floor of the Schnee manor, echoing around the empty halls. Noon sunlight filtered in from the tall windows, the occasional dust mote shining in their rays like fairy powder.

“Hello?” she called out, still dragging her luggage as she made her way to the guest bedroom. It was the closest to the entrance, and had its own shower. If no one was home then she wanted to get clean as soon as possible. Traveling took a lot out of her; hot water was a luxury she was all too happy to return to. “Anyone home?”

Keep reading

Diabolik Lovers According to My Male Friend

(Original idea by diabolikotakuippikiokami)

Shu: Eh.. Wow He’s like, “fuck you” Pretty much

Reiji: He’s kinda like, “Oh look at me I’m lively as fuck” That’s not how he is at all Welp, you know..

Ayato: He reminds me of Tom (Another one of my friends) What does that even mean… So he’s an asshole *both of us* ohohooOOO

Kanato: Jesus, I love him he is God What.. do you even- Yep His fuckin Teddy bear is the shit

Laito: Eugh… Fedora man? Eh… That’s all you got? Yep, nothing else

Subaru: Why is he a car? Omg.. Is he a car? NO HOW DOES HE ACT? Brum.. I hate you

Ruki: Does he like cars? No? What does that even mean? He reminds me of Toby when he died his hair black (That’s his brother) Ok… He’s like “HA, I’m the best” Accurate

Kou: “HA, I’m attractive fuck you” Well he is an idol and really likes cats so- OMG NOW HES MY FAVOURITE

Yuma: “Guh, why the fuck am I so tall what a pain in the ass” HA welp yeah.. He’s like Tom on his man period HA HE SO IS

Azusa: What the fuck is he wearing on his head Its a barrett Looks like a purple pancake and he looks like he’s going to kill everyone…with his purple pancake *slaps face* Jesus christ

Carla: Oh Jesus fucking christ they look like serial killers LMAOOO true as He looks like Sephiroth OH MY GOD HE DOES

Shin: Why does he have an eyepatch over his glasses? OMG YES THATS WHAT ADMIN R SAYS ALL THE TIME Good shit..

Cordelia: “HMPH” Wow.. Mhm she’s a whore right? YAAS DING DING DING

Beatrix: Isn’t she a bitch WOAH..actually yeah I mean you’re not wrong

Christa: She looks like she’s about to start singing ‘Let it Go’ Get the fuck out

Karlheinz: Oh jeez…Um.. Same I don’t like his face HAHA WHAT He’s like the dad right? Yeah Yeah that’s why I don’t like his face

Richter: Kinda like, if someone was standing in front of him it would be a potential meme wHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN I HAVE SPOKEN

Yui: OH ITS THE MAIN CHARACTER GIRL W-What do you think about her? What the fuck was my first reaction to her she looks like a psychopath like could you imagine her with a knife whAT? She has seen some shit Well you’re not wrong…

Eggsy has seen a lot of spy films, so he’s pretty familiar with this scenario.

It’s almost cliche and pretty depressing, being strapped down to a hospital bed at the mercy of someone holding a large as fuck hypodermic needle, but before Poppy had snatched the glasses off his face and neatly broke them in a half with a triumphant smirk, Eggsy managed to send a distress signal to Roxy. If there was anyone who could save his arse, it would be her.

“I thought the blast at your quaint little base would have wiped you all out, but I guess I was wrong,” Poppy now says, forehead creasing in irritated likes. “You’re like cockroaches, are you?”

Eggsy grins. “We’re pretty hard to get rid of, yeah,” he snarks. He knows he shouldn’t bait—Merlin’s tried and failed to get the snark out of him—but it’s all he has left. Stripped off nearly everything but his trousers, words are his only weapon. He can’t run or wiggle out of these bonds, but one thing Eggsy’s learned in the past year that time is essential. Time couldn’t be bought or bartered with, but if it was manipulated enough, it gave him time to think or clear his mind.

He had to think of a plan, and see if Jack is all right. Even though Charlie is a right wanker, he didn’t make it to the top three recruitment ranks by sheer snobbery alone. Charlie plays dirty, and although Jack does, too, the American agent has his occasional moments of sentimentality for human life.

Charlie doesn’t.

Poppy rolls her eyes. “And I’ll enjoy crushing you under my foot just as much.” She holds up the shining glass tube filled with something that looks like honey. “While my lackey takes care of that cowboy upstairs, I’m going to run a few tests on you before I unleash it into the public.”

Eggsy keeps pulling at his restraints, hoping that they’d slacken. Cuffs might have been easier to get out of. Then again, with nothing but his skivvies, he didn’t have a great chance of escaping them, either. “But I haven’t signed a consent form. Where are my rights?” He gives her a slightly charming smile, but makes sure to show her his canines. “Can you really destroy this handsome face? Because, let me tell you, a princess told me that it was the eighth wonder of the world. Well, that, and—”

“I can see you underneath all those mouthy remarks. The best ones at those are the emptiest.” Poppy gives him a simpler of mock pity. “You’ve lost too much, and you’re trying to sell the image of someone who has it all together. Well, this—” she runs just the needle’s tip along the soft inside of his elbow, “will strip it all away. In fact,” the point presses in, and Eggsy grits his teeth, willing himself not to make a sound, “this will make you an emotionless shell. A blank slate, if you will, and completely robotic. Shouldn’t be hard for you.”

“Fuck you,” Eggsy snarls, just as her thumb presses firmly down on the plunger.

He’s got to fight whatever he’s coming, and piecing together what she’s said and what Intel Merlin and Ginger have collected, Eggsy’s prepared for a complete reboot of his mind and body. He has to remember who he is, everything, both the good and bad.

He’s the oblivious little boy who took the shining medal with his chubby fingers, the tight-mouthed teenager who wore the medal on a chain and his heart buried deep down so no one could see, the trembling-voiced young man holding the medal in his fingers and saying the three words that changed his life.

He’s the hopeful, heart-on-his-sleeve new recruit of a secret organization, flying through the tests and exams and stealing into a hospital room at night. He’s the one who screamed in defiance against giving up the man who offered him a second chance and slurred a lot of soppy words after three martinis in the same man’s kitchen. He’s the man after the gunshot, who placed his heart in said man’s hands, who saw it being crushed, who saw it being ripped apart, too.

He’s the agent with the name of Galahad, one of the youngest in the organization, who is trapped here, now, screaming in the small room with tears running down his cheeks, nails biting into his palms, trying to remember—but it hurts—it hurts so much that he wants to give up—but he can't—he has to pull through, like always—

‘My name is Eggsy Unwin,’ he thinks, desperately. ‘I got to remember that, and that I don’t want to fail at this. I don’t want to go out, not when—’

“Oh, you’re a stubborn one,” Poppy murmurs, and Eggsy fights, fights against the cold in his veins, seeping into his mind—

Suddenly, the heavy metal door rattles, and Poppy, startled, jumps at the noise.

“What—”

Roxy, Eggsy thinks drowsily from his now-convulsing body, but the figure strolling out of the shadows with a perfectly-tailored suit and hair parted on the left side, just a little over the eyepatch, is not the agent he had called for.

“You see, rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated,” Harry Hart says, right before he attacks.