but now i have a fiver

Make Your Net Neutrality Concerns Relatable

I’m not American but my dad asked why I was getting wound up so I found an angle that he’d understand.

He has the Sky Sports app. Now you may shrug and say ‘so what?’ Well, when I told him that if net neutrality was killed then it sets a precedent to the rest of the world and that he would find himself being charged an extra fiver a month ON TOP of what he already pays to have the Internet for that app. I asked if he had the Facebook app. He does. I told him that would be another fiver. Already he would be paying an extra tenner month and that’s not even talking about YouTube and other sites.

I told him that he’d see slower load times depending on what internet provider he was with.

At that point he understood why I was getting worked up. He already pays quite a bit of money for the Internet, telling him he’d pay extra for something he already gets at a fixed price was the angle.

I mean this in the nicest way possible: If I can get my dad, who really isn’t up to speed with things that are causing concern to people, to understand the danger of losing net neutrality, then you can find a way to make net neutrality relatable to people who seem indifferent.

Just A Bet

LUKE HEMMINGS STORY!

Summary;Savannah Hamilton is the schools bad girl and Luke Hemmings is the bad boy of the school but the only thing they have in common is that they hate one another! 

Savannah is sick of Luke breaking girls hearts so  what happens when Savannah’s friends dare her to make Luke hemmings fall for her.. 

A bets a bet right? or is it??

Chapter 1

Who the fuck does he think he is?!?!?

Savannahs Pov

“Savannah you need to get your ass out of bed” my friend Lee shouted into my room

I opened my eyes to a very bright room

“Fuck off bitch, I’m tryna sleep” I yelled back turning back to my pillow closing my eyes

Then I felt her jump on my bed..what the fuck?!?

“you can sleep later, you know we have school and you already missed a week” she said

I groaned knowing she was right but I was out partying last night can’t I just miss one more day??

“GET UP” She yelled making me groan

“Fine I’m getting up you bitch” I said as I turned and sat up with a very sore head

Lee walked out of my room with a smile on her face, fuck if she wasn’t my best friend I would slap her.

I was still in my clothes from the night before.. I grabbed the shirt to smell it..

Oh god it smells of vodka and weed..

I took of my remaining clothes and went to my wardrobe for something else to wear..not caring that I smelled I can shower later. I don’t plan on spending all day in school.

I just threw on a pair of black ripped jeans and a black vest with my grey flannel it shows off my chest tattoo that i love!

it’s a tattoo of a heart with a knife through it.

thats a topic we can get go another day.

Once I was dressed I lit up a cig as I walked out of my room and through the house..

The perks of living with friends is no parents,no one to tell you what to do well most of the time.

My dad was a goner before I was born and my mum well..she never loved me well not as much as her vodka bottle.

And how we afford this place is because my mum sends me money couple £100 a week for feeling sorry for herself I think more than for me.

I walked in the kitchen blowing out smoke to see my two best friends eating breakfast

“so who did you fuck last night and where? We didn’t have any guys leave your room this time” My best friend tiffany asked

I rolled my eyes and took another drag of my cig before I answered

“none of your business you nosey fucker” I said laughing making her laugh

“Want some?” Lee asked holding a bowl of cereal to me

We need to get some real food in this house soon.

I threw my cig out the widow and then I said thanks and started eating my cereal

“Boy.. Mrs.Preston is going to murder you when you get to school” Lee said as she grabbed her bag

“Well why the fuck did you wake me up?” I asked her as I grabbed my shit

“Because we get in shit when you don’t show up” Tiffany said passing me and going out the door.

Oh shoot me now.

I hate school.

It’s filled with a bunch of weirdos who think they are going to achieve something in life and then of course Luke hemmings and his friends.

Bunch of assholes if you ask me.

i mean what idiot has Kiss Here tattooed on their neck.. Luke hemmings.

It’s crazy to think me and Luke were once friends back when I cared but that’s long gone and so is our friendship.

i wouldn’t have anything to do with him but Lee is Michael’s sister so we have to be social once in a while

“were gonna be late if you keep day dreaming” Lee shouted from the door

Ugh why do I have to go.

I’m glad this is my last year and I can get out this place people call home.

We had to walk to school because none of us knew how to drive, I have no interest just yet I usually get guys to drive me around which is more fun.  

luckily we didn’t live to far from school, i wore heels last night so my feet are tender today

“How much trouble do you think you’ll get in?” Tiffany asked as we were walking to school

i rolled my eyes and said “i really don’t give a shit what they say or do”

of course they rolled their eyes at me and then within no time we were at school

i wish i didn’t have to come here especially with this hangover.

of course as soon as we got to school we saw them.

Them as in Luke and his friends and the two bimbos who think they run the school.

Brittney and Hailey.

two girls i have never ever wanted to be friends with even before i changed my ways, they look down on their nose at everyone with their short skirts,long blonde bleached wigs.

“Look at them two idiots” Tiffany said

we all laughed and then Lee spoke

“What does my brother see in Hailey, honestly i wonder how we are related”

i couldn’t help but laugh out loud,making Luke and his friends stop talking and look at us

oh how i hate Luke!so much!!

we walked further to school and they all turned to look at us, i rolled my eyes and was ready to give them the middle finger when Calum spoke

“Oh look what the wind blew back”

i knew he meant me and i wasn’t going to give him any attention

i just turned my head away from him and walked away.

Lee went over to talk to her brother and Tiffany followed me and of course Luke was behind us with Calum and the two bimbos

“So tell us Savannah whats brought you back to school then?” Luke said from behind us

the way he says my name makes me cringe

i stopped and turned around to him and the rest and said

“well it wasn’t you i can tell you that”

i looked him up and down and then he pretend as if he was crushed and laughed and said

“Oh please i know you secretly want me but i think someone needs you right now more than my dick does”

i didn’t know what he meant and then i heard the voice

that voice of our sweet sweet principal!

i groaned and turned around to see her looking at me with her hands on her hips

“Language Mr Hemmings and a word Miss Hamilton” she said

ugh!

i followed her down the hall to her room regretting getting out of bed

“Miss Hamilton.. can you please explain to me why you weren’t in school last week?” The principal asked me as i sat in her office

i looked around trying not to laugh because is she for real? clearly she knows why i wasn’t here

“Well Miss i wasn’t here because  i don’t want to be here of course” i said sweetly making her raise her eyebrows at me

i waiting for one of her veins to pop now that i something i would love to record.

“Why not? don’t you care about you’re education?” she asked

i rolled my eyes, i hate these kinds of conversations were grownups pretend to care.

i crossed my arms and leaned back in the chair and said

“No i don’t because what i want to do doesn’t involve being in this stupid place”

her vein is going to pop any second! i would love to see this!

“And what is you want to do then?” she asked

“it’s none of your business” i said

i would love to walk out but having her shout at me especially with my sore head is not going to make my day better.

“I beg your pardon, i am the principal at this school and you will show me some respect” she said

i was tempted to roll my eyes at her again but i held my hands up knowing my mum will go mad if she heard i got kicked out of school again

“Sorry Miss” i said quietly hoping she will just let me go

she leaned back in her seat like she was thinking.. i bet i am going to get detention all week, it’s a good thing i like detentions but she doesn’t need to know that

“A whole month on detentions and extra homework to make up for not showing up for a whole week” she said

i looked at her with wide eyes.. she can’t be serious!

i hardly do the homework i get now ever mind extra work!

fuck this!

“Can i go now miss?” i asked nicely hoping she will let me go

she gave me one more look at then started writing in her book for about 2 minutes making me look around her room bored

“You may go, i will see you at 3:30” she said

i didn’t bother repilying i just got up of the seat and walked out

the bell rang and i looked at my phone to see it was break time

great..i’ve missed two classes!!

I walked into the canteen to see Lee and Tiff already sitting at our table and also our friend Josh, he’s gay and so dead on.

hes a little nerdy but we don’t care about that.

i sat down at our table knowing i didn’t have any food with me

“Do any of you have a fiver to spare so i can get some food in this place before i starve?” i asked

Josh was straight into his pocket and handed me a fiver.. this is why we keep him around.

“Thank you” i said then i got up and went to stand in line for food.

a nice warm sausage roll sounds just what i need right now.

i smelt him before i heard his voice but Michael spoke first

“surprised to see you in here, i thought Principal Moore would have kept you in all day” Michael said

i turned around to see the four idiots looking at me

“I know how to sweet talk her into letting me go” i said back and then i turned around again hoping they would piss off

“haha please, she probably feels sorry for you” Luke said making turn back around to them

“the only person she needs to feel sorry for is you” i said to him

his smirk left his face and he frowned making me almost feel something towards him but i think i’m just hungry.

i was almost next in line for food thankfully.

“so who did you fuck last night then? you left the party pretty early” Luke said

i rolled my eyes and said

“Why? you mad it wasn’t you who i was fucking? you know you’ve always wanted me” i said sweetly making him step back and screw his face up

i couldn’t help but laugh

finally i was next in line

“Me? want you..? i don’t fuck tramps” Luke said

oh i really do hate him

“Savannah what will you have?” the lady said from behind the counter making me turn away from Luke

i was about to answer him but i didn’t want to speak to him any later

“So what did Luke want this time?” Lee asked as i sat down

“that fucking prick better stay away from me before i get violent” i said

i started eating my food shoving it down my throat because i was so hungry

“So how much trouble did you get in?” Josh asked

“Detentions for a whole month and extra homework, she thinks i care what she says! Ha, i don’t mind staying behind for detention and i bet she will make me do my homework there and then which means i can go to this party Nick is hosting” i said back

they all rolled their eyes at me but i didn’t care and then we heard Bianca Neil shouting

we all turned around to see what was going on and when i say we i meant everyone in the canteen.

“How dare you treat me like that Luke, i thought i was your girlfriend” Bianca said shouting at Luke

she looked pissed, she is one of the girls i’ve seen Luke string along and he has went too far this time, Bianca isn’t a girl you want to cross not because she’s scary it’s because she is a fucking moan and no one wants to her that whining in their ear.

“I never said or asked you to be my girlfriend we fucked a few times that doesn’t make u my girlfriend” Luke said back he was almost laughing in her face

he really fucking bothers me.

“you fucking disgust me Luke hemmings i hope you rot in hell” Bianca said then she stormed out of the canteen and then everyone turned around but i didn’t

i watched Luke laugh with his friends and say something to them

i really do hate him

he can’t go around treating girls like that!

he probably did string her along, i wish someone would do that to him!

although i doubt he has a heart.

“Savannah…” Lee said making me turn away from Luke and his friends

“What?” i said as i looked at her

she gave me a weird look and then Tiffany started grinning and whispered into her ear

what the hell?

“Are you up for a Dare Savannah?” Lee said smiling

i don’t like where this is going but i love dares.

“Depends on what it is?” i said

the bell rang meaning break was over.

ugh i have Maths class, a class i really hate.

it’s also a class i have with Luke and his fucking idiot friends.

we all got up and started making our way our of the canteen.

Lee was also in my maths class which was good i’m not the only one who has to suffer

we got outside maths class and there was Luke chatting up another girl i’ve never seen before

she’s small and looks like a child. She obviously isn’t in our year.

“look at him! he drives me so fucking insane with how he treats girls!!!” i said as we walked into class leaving Luke almost with his tongue down that girls throat

Lee smirked at me and said “ we all know how you hate Luke and Tiffany came up with this idea/Dare”

my eyes widened at her words.. oh no this involves Luke

i hope it involves me smashing his head in!!!

“So what is this Dare then?” I asked not listening to the teacher who yes did look at me twice

is everyone surprised to see me?

“We dare you to get Luke to kiss you” she said

…..

So guys what did you think???

i hope you like it!

this is something different than i’ve written before so it took a while for me to get it right!

let me know what you thought in the comments below or you can message me:)

dont forget to vote and follow me on tumblr and wattpad!

until next time

thank you

xxxxx

have you heard (fn-2187 was a stormtrooper)

They shoot RK-8978 for the crime of leaving.

They mean her as an example. Here, they say, here is what happens to those who would defect, defy, rebel. Here is the cooked blood and collapsed charred flesh of your sister, of the thing who was once your sister, of the anomaly, the broken.

Here, they say, lies sedition. See how broken it is. How bloodied. See the obscene redness of treachery’s blood against the moon-paleness of her skin. See how small she is, without her armour, see how weak, how she breaks before blaster fire.

Here she lies, the example, she-who-would-have-left. Here is what happens to the Troopers who would follow in the footsteps stamped by FN-2187, here is the example.

The problem the First Order never considered: the example is subjective. A body, cooked and smouldering by a blaster hail, a girl of intermediate age, hair blackened and wisping – cut down by her very squadmates – is meant to say all of the above and more, is meant to stand as a fixed point.

But TQ-7676 watches with his tongue thick in his mouth, his hands sweating within his gauntlets, bright white in a sea of bright white, and he thinks: this is what they do to those who are caught.

Keep reading

just another tuesday

It’s shaping up to be another uneventful, forgotten birthday for Waverly Earp. Purgatory is nothing if not consistent in that regard. Because why hope for anything more after 22 years?

Except someone did remember this time. And she went out of her way to make it special for her favorite Earp.

Also on AO3. Approximately 3,357 words.


Waverly Earp angrily scrubbed the counter of Shorty’s bar, desperate to work away the pinpricks of heat lurking in her eyes. It was so frustrating. She was fine a minute ago. Just another day at work, the same lunch rush, the same familiar faces… It was fine.

Same old, same old.

She scrubbed harder, thinking of her stupid sister Wynonna and stupid Deputy Marshall Dolls off in the woods doing God Knows What with some stupid Revenants (without Waverly). They’d been gone since yesterday with barely more than a “don’t wait up” and a spin of Peacemaker. 

Just another Tuesday in Purgatory.

Except it wasn’t another stupid Tuesday in stupid Purgatory.

It was just another disappointing Tuesday in Purgatory. Because why wouldn’t it be?

Keep reading

Masterpost

UPDATED AS OF 14 NOV. ‘17

REQUESTS ARE OPEN 

NOTE: Multi-chapter fanfiction such as So Darkness I Became, I Will Bury You In Time, and Crawl ‘Til Dawn now have their own pages on my little sidebar, because Tumblr makes it a real dick to stay caught up.

Game of Thrones

Tormund Giantsbane - Fanfiction

For Fuck’s Sake, HIT ME part one // part two // part three // part four // part five

Rating: Will be ~*explicit*~.

Reader is a young woman from a village close to Last Hearth and has been taken by Tormund Giantsbane’s raiding party–with the intention that she be “brought in to strengthen the clan”, per Free Folk marital customs. You have trouble adjusting.

So Darkness I Became part one // part two // part three // part four // part five // part six // part seven // part eight // part nine // part ten // part eleven// part twelve // part thirteen // part fourteen // part fifteen

Rating: Explicit

Stark!reader

‘You killed my husband.’

This veers swiftly from canon after the Battle of the Bastards, where Tormund kills Smalljon Umber, your husband. After having been prisoner of the Umber and losing Rickon and Osha, your despondency is tempered only by your affinity for the Wildling that rid the world of Smalljon. Spending the night together sets off a chain of events which leads to circumstances none could have foreseen. As you and your sister grieve your family, the dead start to appear in your dreams. When they begin to hurt you, it doesn’t take long for you to see that the damage they deal in your dreams appear on your corporeal form. Meanwhile your relationship with the new King-Beyond-the-Wall progresses, and your loyalties–between the Starks, Umbers, and Free Folk–come under question. Jon grows eager to use you as the figurehead for House Stark, House Umber stakes their claim that you become Lady Regent for young Ned Umber to bring stability to the relationship between your houses, and the Free Folk become impatient for you to become one of theirs. Then the Brotherhood Without Banners arrive at Winterfell, bringing with them a Hound, a horror, and a drunken priest who becomes your de facto advisor.

I Will Bury You In Time Part One .. Part Two .. Part Three .. Part Four .. Part Five .. Part Six .. Part Seven 

Rating: Explicit

You’re a somewhat terrified, somewhat repulsed, somewhat agitated young woman who appeared at Castle Black around the same time as Stannis Baratheon’s army. No one knows who you really are. Yet. An experienced healer, you are tasked with the care of a prisoner. Although you grow closer to him and to a select few, you maintain your anonymity until a few raven scrolls bearing the seal of a Great House arrive, and then the damn begins to crack. You wade into deeper waters the more you discover about yourself, your family, and the reason your mother told you to flee. Someone from your past comes for you, and there begins the true danger.

Luckenbach, Texas

Rating: Explicit

Modern AU

Reader is a waitress at a bar that Tormund, former Marine, frequently patrons. Dark and gritty, sultry, explores mature topics and themes.

Lord of the Thighs

Rating: Just some hardcore fucking and some damn feels.

Tully!reader one-shot

‘you must’ve come here to find it,
you’ve got the look in your eyes
although you really don’t mind it
i am the lord of your thighs’

Tormund Giantsbane - Imagines/Preferences/What Have You

Being With Tormund Would Include…

Tormund Being Jealous/Possessive Would Include

❤ Getting Drunk at Castle Black with Tormund Would Include…

❤ Tormund Being Obsessed with You Would Include…

❤ Taking Care of a Sick/Injured Tormund…see I Will Bury You In Time

❤ Tormund Rescuing You from an Abusive Husband Would Include…

❤ Tormund Saving Your Life at Hardhome Would Include…

The NSFW Alphabet - Tormund Giantsbane

Headcanon: Tormund’s Reaction to Your Pregnancy - Anon request 

Jon Snow - Fanfiction

Self-Interest is Divine

Rating: Explicit

Reader and Jon survive the apocalyptic Long Night moment by moment. Angst, smut, very much fluff. Requested by anon.

A Lily Among Roses - Anon request filled

Rating: Teen

Eager to exact revenge upon the Lannisters, the remaining heir to Highgarden, Willas Tyrell, bargains a marriage alliance with the recently triumphant King of the North, to his youngest surviving sister. This maaaay have multiple parts. I’ve gotten attached.

Jon Snow - Imagines

❤  Kissing Jon Snow for the First Time

The Walking Dead

Daryl Dixon - Fanfiction

Crawl ‘Til Dawn part one // part two // part three // part four // part five // part six // part seven // part eight // part nine // part ten // part eleven // part twelve

DEC 2: What Have You Done!

REAL LIFE: PART OF LARGER PLOT LINE
COUPLE: TBS X READER
RATING: CUTE

Keep reading

There is a family of rabbits (And field mice) living in the tall grass across from my apartment. We have no idea how many rabbits there actually are, but Little Sis and I are now able to distinguish four individuals. And of course I we have named them.

First one named was Cowslip. Cowslip is fairly large and goes further from the shelter of the tall grass than the others. He/she likes the grassy space between our building and the next.

Second one named was Clover. Clover is on the smallish side, and has a black oval spot on her/his right cheek, but not on the left. Clover only seems to come out in the evening, while Cowslip has been spotted both late at night and early in the morning.

Third one named is The BABY. It is obligatory to squeal “BABY BUNNY! BABY BUNNNYYY!” when you see it. The BABY is the same size as a squirrel right now. In my mind I also refer to it as Hlao-roo, aka Pipkin. I considered “Fiver” but I couldn’t do that to the poor thing

The fourth one we identified before, but I only named him tonight. He’s huge compared to the others. All lanky limbs and long ears, almost more hare than rabbit in shape (He’s definitely a rabbit though). Tonight Little Sis found him in the breezeway of our apartment building, where he apparently leaped several feet in the air several times before dashing off.

I have named him The Amazing Garbanzo.

Assumptions

“Joe, you bloody rodney, about time you showed up!”

My heart stops for a moment when I hear Josh call this out, and my eyes find Joe from across the room, taking the moment before he sees me to study him.

It had been a few weeks since the incident, and we hadn’t talked or seen each other since.

As if he can sense me watching him, his eyes meet mine and the tension in the room seems to thicken. Joe lifts his hand in a half wave, and I attempt to give him one back, but it feels weird. Joe lowers his hand slowly, before turning to Josh and Caspar, striking up a conversation.


“Well, that was painful to watch.” I turn to glare softly at Jack as he walks over, drink in hand. “What happened with you two?”

“Why do you assume something happened?” I ask him, stealing his drink to take a swig.

“Because you two usually say hi a little more enthusiastically. I mean, next to Caspar, you’re probably his next best friend.” Jack replies, taking his drink back.

I shrug, trying to ignore the memories that pop up in my head.

Jack studies me for a moment, taking a slow sip of his drink.

“Did you two have a falling out?”

“What? No.”

“You did! I told Conor that something happened between you two. He owes me a fiver now.” Jack smirked, shaking his head.

“You two are such idiots. Nothing happened.” I snap, hating how awkward things had gotten between Joe and I.

“Alright, Y/N. Calm down.” Jack held up his hands in defence. I shake my head and walk away, heading to the kitchen to find my own drink.


I’m looking through the fridge when I hear him speak.

“Hello.” I grab a random beer, take a breath, and turn to face Joe, plastering a smile on my face.

“Hey. Alright?” He nods, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket.

“You?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“So, been a while.” Joe says after a few moments of heavy silence.

“Yup, has been.”

“Gods, Y/N. Can we just talk about it?” Joe runs his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated.

“What’s there to talk about?” I act innocent, sipping my beer.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Joe’s words are heavy with sarcasm. “Maybe about how we hooked up a few weeks back and now we haven’t talked or seen each other since, which is slightly odd since we used to talk daily.”

“Right, that.”

It had been an accident, fuelled by alcohol and pent up feelings. Joe and I weren’t in love with each other, but there was a definite attractions there. The night had been full of lingering touches, heated looks, and simply having just been there at the time. It was a regular movie night, us two just hanging out, but when I had arrived at his place that night, there was already a heavy feeling in the air.

I don’t regret it, and I don’t think Joe does either, but it was awkward. We had never planned for our relationship to advance to that level, and for the first few days we had just been really busy with our individual lives, and then it seemed like an awkward amount of time had passed, so we hadn’t spoken, and now we were here, at the Pieter/Maynard household at a small party.


“Jack and Conor think we had a falling out. An argument.” I tell him, avoiding the talk we still needed to have.

“Caspar thought the same thing. Oli actually thought we were secretly dating and just avoiding telling everyone.”

“So, what do we tell them?” I tear at the label on my bottle.

“Nothing.” Joe shrugs. “It’s not their business. Its ours.” I nod, not looking at him.

“What do we do now?”

“I’d like my friend back, to start.” I lift my eyes slowly, and Joe offers me a small smile. “I kind of miss having you around, its hard always being around those weirdos.” He nods towards the other room, where all our friends are. Probably making their own new assumptions about whats happening.

“I miss you too.” I tell him, moving forward. “Can we stop being weird?”

“Oh, gods, please.” Joe takes the bottle from my hands and puts it on the counter, pulling me in to a hug. I instantly relax into it, all the worry and awkwardness floating away.

“Oh, look at what we have here!” Conor says from the entrance of the kitchen. Joe and I pull away to look at him. “Oi, Oli! Looks like you were right!” Conor grins at us as he turns back to the living room.

“This should be fun…” Joe laughs as we follow Conor into the living room, ready to listen to whatever absurd stories they have come up with.



Part 2

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, @picnokinesis!! :DDD (I know it’s no longer June 1st but shhhhhh)

Hhhh, I know how much you love axolotls, Ford, and the multiverse, so have Portal!Ford in a ‘verse that has giant axolotls roaming the land :’D 

Also, although you can’t see her feet, the largest one has five toes! So Ford is especially fascinated because he can relate a bit with the whole extra digit thing ahah

and have a short drabble under the cut! :D I have no idea what Ford’s personality is like, so I hope I did him some justice!

Keep reading

2

INKTOBER 16: FIVER

My fave. Protect Fiver at all costs.

Fiver has Angelica, for protection and forewarning, and Aconite, one of the traditional herbs used to induce psychic visions in flying ointment.

“Aren’t you coming to learn to carry, Fiver?” asked Hazel at length. “It’s not too difficult once you get the hang of it.”

“I’ll have nothing to do with it,” answered Fiver in a low voice. “Dogs–you’re like dogs carrying sticks.”

“Fiver! Are you trying to make me angry? I’m not going to get angry because you call me stupid names. But you’re letting the others do all the work.”

“I’m the one who ought to get angry,” said Fiver. “But I’m no good at it, that’s the trouble. Why should they listen to me? Half of them think I’m mad. You’re to blame, Hazel, because you know I’m not and still you won’t listen.”

“So you don’t like this warren any better even now? Well, I think you’re wrong. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Why shouldn’t you make a mistake, like everybody else? Hawkbit was wrong in the heather and you’re wrong now.”

“Those are rabbits down there, trotting along like a lot of squirrels with nuts. How can that be right?”

“Well, I’d say they’ve copied a good idea from the squirrels and that makes them better rabbits.”

“Do you suppose the man, whoever he is, puts the roots out there because he has a kind heart? What’s he up to?”

“He’s just throwing away rubbish. How many rabbits have had a good meal off men’s rubbish heaps? Shot lettuces, old turnips? You know we all do, when we can. It’s not poisoned, Fiver, I can tell you that. And if he wanted to shoot rabbits he’s had plenty of chances this morning. But he hasn’t done it.”

Fiver seemed to grow even smaller as he flattened himself on the hard earth. “I’m a fool to try to argue,” he said miserably. “Hazel–dear old Hazel–it’s simply that I know there’s something unnatural and evil twisted all round this place. I don’t know what it is, so no wonder I can’t talk about it. I keep getting near it, though. You know how you poke your nose against wire netting and push it up against an apple tree, but you still can’t bite the bark because of the wire. I’m close to this–whatever it is–but I can’t grip it. If I sit here alone I may reach it yet.”

-Watership Down

 did you know that in the UK that your social class is partially determined by what supermarkets you shop at? even though most supermarket’s stock costs about the same no matter where you go? 

here is an (incomplete) list so that you can increase the level of realism in your roleplays! remember to call any characters who shop at the bottom of the list a ‘dirty oik’ or ‘scaf’!

Upper Middle Class

Kate Middleton was ‘just like us’ when she shopped in Waitrose, however this was reported by the upper middle class media - which just goes to show just how upper middle class Waitrose truly is. Of all the supermarket chains, undoubtedly top. Dirty oiks will accuse you of being a posh wank and cooing parents will raise eyebrows in soft surprise and point out that ‘you’re doing well for yourself then, eh?’ should you choose to shop here.

Middle Class

Ah, M&S. Once, I went to get a birthday cake here because I was ‘splashing out’ and it turned out that you could get many cakes for but a few pounds. Much exclaiming of ‘my goodness, I cannot believe how cheap M&S is!’ passed between myself and my partner, which shows how socially ingrained it was in us that M&S was for people above our echelon. 

Sainsbury’s is still perceived by parents as being awfully expensive, but stocking only quality products. In truth, it’s pretty cheap, and even has its own basics range with patronizing slogans on the tins such as ‘Dinner is easy peasy, just a little less cheesy!’ on their own brand cheese & tomato pizzas. Sells a variety of fruits and vegetables, showing it clearly caters to those who will actively prepare and even make their own meals - a definite middle class red flag. Middle of the road and a safe option, you are unlikely to be mocked for using Sainsbury’s. And don’t forget to collect your nectar points for clicking on some random ad or remembering to wipe your arse! 

Working Class

TESCO, Ah, Tesco - the friend to all students. Sells bags of cookies* for like £1.50, and lunch time sandwiches can be purchased for as little as £1. Even their luxury salad range has massive reductions if you come in at the end of the day, and hey, just the other night - i got some reduced to clear Smirnoff gold vodka for £9. £9! Anyway, Tesco is the go-to shop for your bog standard anything you want. Once there was a scandal about their own brand peanut butter causing cancer - and I, who ate peanut butter sandwiches almost exclusively for lunch at Primary school, was the subject of much bullying and ominous health predictions for this reason. 

*Please do not assume I am not British for using the word ‘cookies’ here instead of biscuits. Cookie in British vernacular refers a very specific kind of biscuit - aka a round flat thing typically filled with chocolate chips. Sometimes smarties. 

Morrison’s is a dark horse, and I cannot say for certain that it actually belongs in this class category. A relatively new chain, the town I grew up in did not have one until I was around sixteen - and I can always remember my mother muttering that she ‘didn’t like Morrisons’. Why someone would dislike a supermarket chain, I cannot fathom why - but here we are. Sells a lot of cheap meat, I think? And has an offensively ugly logo as you can see above, giving me an deep sense of distrust and uncertainty. In retrospect, my mother was right. I do not like Morrisons. 

Asda… bought over by Walmart, and therefore familiar to the typical American audience. I believe Asda were the first to start this whole ‘smart-price’ thing - where it will match the price of products you buy in store with any of the other large chains. Price fixing? Some believe so. Others argue that it is simply the American way. I feel truly transnational shopping in this wonderful supermarket, although I have memories of a blue-jeaned mother slapping her behind causing a pleasant jingle of coins to resonate from her back pocket. This image haunts me and I have only just now realized how deeply scarred i have been by this. I realize now the meaning was both to put a bottom on the television screen and to make me feel jovial and have a little laugh as though I am an asinine child, and to convey that I can save pennies simply by shopping here. Thank you, Asda. 

Scrounger Class

& Farmfoods. Sell mostly frozen goods, but a little tip thats not so well known about? Booze. Booze and drinks are SO cheap here. I mean, I got three 5l bottles of coke for £5! £5!!!!!! It’s ridiculous. Seriously I don’t think anything in Iceland costs over a fiver tbqh, it’s just that kind of shop. Around Christmastime, Kerry Katona will resurge on the telebox to tell you that all mum’s go to Iceland. I don’t think my mum has ever gone to Iceland? Is she perhaps not a real mother? I’m not sure. 

& Lidl. Sell a tonne of imported brands, particularly Polish food. My Estonian friend loves it for this reason. Also, every brand will be some kind of cheap knock-off. You are a serious, utter scaf if you shop here. There is no getting around this. You will be mocked as a penny-pincher or poor af. All the meat is Horse Brains and also actually contains like 0.0001% meat. There is no redemption here, shopping at Adli or Lidl will condemn you to the life Channel 4 documentaries, in fact, I’m pretty sure Channel 4 producers sit around and hawk on anyone passing into these stores. I guarantee you that 80% of Benefits Britain’s footage comes from just following around Aldi shoppers. 

no one actually does all their shopping at poundland. Unless… you do? In which case, holy fuck, you could get better deals at Aldi probably? But hey listen, Poundland has changed the face of British supermarkets… forever. Many of the large chains had to reduce the prices of their products to just a £1, all because of poundland. Poundland is also the face of all evil, if one thinks about it, as most of their employees are there on a voluntary basis and aren’t paid at all. In fact, Poundland made it pretty in-vogue to not pay their employees and get away with it when no one would dare before (probably not true, but eyy.) 

And that is it, our tour through the wide range of British Supermarkets and what Social Class it Says About You. Go on, ask any British person on the validity of this list - and I guarantee you that they will acknowledge at least the sentiment of the truth in this. It should be noted that of course, shopping in any of these places doesn’t actually say anything about you - but hey, that’s classism and culture for you! 

Klaine Advent Drabble prompt - “Across a Crowded Room” (Rated T)

The first time Kurt sees the handsome stranger, it’s like a fairytale. Their eyes meet from across a crowded room, and Kurt falls hard. But in this fairytale, Kurt gets called away to deliver coffee and bagels to the higher ups at work, and is in danger of never seeing his prince again. And the next day, he doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean they don’t end up together in the end. (4011 words)

Originally written for the Klaine Advent Drabble prompt ‘opportunity’ with a few others tossed in. Ask me if you’re curious which ones. Future fic, meet-cute, coffee shop AU.

Read on AO3.

It’s almost fairytale-like, the way Kurt first sees him.

It’s one o’clock in the afternoon and Kurt is in a rush, ordering four coffees and a half dozen bagels for a meeting he was invited to sit in on as an afterthought. Ah, the glamorous life of an intern! But being an intern isn’t the way Kurt intends on spending his future. He has aspirations of starting his own fashion line, starring in a Broadway show, touring the world, retiring in the Mediterranean with a younger-than-him lover by his side … maybe three. But his present can be summed up in a montage of phone calls, emails, coffee, and bagels, very few of which are ever for him.

A little adventure would not go amiss, something out of the ordinary to feed his rich fantasy life since that’s the only life he’s got.

And if his adventure turns out to be anything like a scene from his favorite movie The Notebook, he might not mind - a scene from the first hour or so anyway.

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Grocery stores are not banks.

I work at a medium-sized grocery store in Norway. Our currency is the Norwegian krone (NOK) , which comes in coins of 1, 5, 10, and 20, as well as notes of 50, 200, 500 and 1000. For reference one EUR is worth 9.5 NOK, and one USD is worth 8.8 NOK.

While I’m on the register a guy comes up up to me and hands me a 500 NOK bill.

DB: “Give me change for this.”

I don’t remember specifically what he needed, but it was something like 5 100-bills. Usually this won’t be a problem, provided I have the money in my till. Today I barely had enough to give paying customers, and we were low on every bill in the safe, so I informed him that I regrettably could not. Most people are understanding when we tell them this. This guy wasn’t. He goes and gets the cheapest piece of gum he can find, and hands me the 500 bill.

Me: “Do you have anything smaller than this?”
DB responds, with the biggest I-win-grin plastered across his face: “Nope, nothing.”
Me: “You sure?”
DB: “Sorry.”
Me: “Alright.”
DB’s grin slowly vanishes as I open up a few coin rolls and count out his 480-something NOK of change in coins of fivers, tens and a few twenties.
Me with my best retail-smile: “You have a wonderful evening now!”

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2

Two letters exchanged between Princess Alix of Hesse and Tsarevich Nicholas Alexandrovich of Russia. In late 1893 they had already been in love for several years, but Alix was unwilling to change her religion which led her to reject Nicholas. In the letter above she wrote to him:

Dearest Nicky, I send you my very best thanks for your dear letter, I enclose the photograph you wished to have, which Ella will forward to you. I believe it must have been a stronger will than ours which ordained that we should not meet at Coburg, for like this it gives me the chance to write to you all my innermost feelings which perhaps out of spur of the moment I might not have said, so that you may have misunderstood me. You know what my feelings are as Ella has told them to you already, but I feel it my duty to tell them to you myself. I thought everything for a long time, and I only beg you not to think that I take it lightly for it grieves me terribly and makes me very unhappy. I have tried to look at it in every light that is possible, but I always return to one thing. I cannot do it against my conscience.You, dear Nicky, who have also such a strong belief will understand me that I think it is a sin to change my belief; and I should be miserable all the days of my life, knowing that I had done a wrongful thing. I am certain that you would not wish me to change against my conviction. What happiness can come from a marriage which begin without the real blessing of God? For I feel it a sin to change that belief in which I have been brought up and which I love. I should never find my peace of mind again, and like that I should never be your real companion who should help you on in life; for there always should be something between us two, in my not having the real conviction of the belief I had taken, and in the regret for the one I had left. It would be acting a lie to you, your Religion and to God. This is my feeling of right and wrong, an one´s innermost religious convictions and one´s peace of conscience toward God before all one´s earthly wishes. As all these years have not made it possible for me to change my resolution in acting thus, I feel that now is the moment to tell you again that I can never change my confession. I am certain that you will undestand this clearly and see as I do, that we are only torturing ourselves, about something impossible and it would not be a kindness to let you go on having vain hopes, which will never be realized. And now goodbye, my darling Nicky, and may God bless and protect you. Ever your loving Alix.”

However Nicholas did not understand , feeling nothing short of devastated. He eventually wrote a reply, almost a month later:

My dearest Alix, Please excuse my not having answered your letter sooner, but you may well imagine what a blow it proved to me. I could not write to you all these days on account of the sad state of mind I was in. Now that my restlesness has passed I feel more calm and am able to answer your letter quietly. Let me thank you first of all for the frank and open way in which you spoke to me in that  letter! There is nothing worse in the world than things misunderstood and not brought to the point. I knew from the beginning what an obstacle there rose between us and I felt so deeply for you all these years, knowing perfectly the great difficlties you would have had to overcome! But still it is so awfully hard, when you have cherished a dream for many a year and think - now you are near to its being realized - then suddenly the curtain is drawn - and you see only an empty space and feel oh! so lonely and so beaten down! I cannot deny the reasons you give me, dear Alix; but I have got one which is also true: you hardly know the depth of our religion. If you only could have learnt it with somebody, who knows it, and could have read books, where you might see the likeness and difference of the two - perhaps then! it would not have troubled you in the same way it does now! Your living quite alone without anyone´s help in such a matter, is also a sad circumstance in th barrier that apparently stands between us! It is too sad for words to know that that barrier is - religion! Don´t you think, dearest, that the fiver years, since we know each other, have passed in vain and with no result? Certainly not - for me at least. And how am I to change my feelings after waiting and wishing for so long, even now after that sad letter you sent me? I trust in God´s mercy; maybe it is His will that we both, but you especially should suffer long - maybe after helping us through all these miseries and trials - He will yet guide my darling along tha path that I daily pray for! Oh! do not say “no” directly, my dearest Alix, do not ruin my life already! Do you think there can exist any happiness in the whole world without you! After having involuntarily! kept me waiting and hoping, can this end in such a way? Oh! do not get angry with me if I am beginning to say silly things, though I promised in this letter to be calm! Your heart is too kind not to understand what tortures I am going through now. But I have spoken enough and must end this epistle of mine. Thank you so much for your charming photo. Let me wish, dearest Alix, that the coming Year may bring you peace, happiness, comfort and the fulfilment of your wishes. God bless you and protect you! Ever your loving and devoted Nicky.

Indeed in the spring of the following year Alix finally relented and by autumn the two were married. Ahead of them were 24 years filled with devotion and support, but also tragedy.

Today, I fucked up by trying to fix my wallet.

So I bought a cheap wallet nearly a year ago. It now has holes in it and coins fall out everywhere. As I’m a cheapskate rather than just buying a new one I figure this is an easy fix, just sow it up. 

Having spent the last half hour forcing a needle through layers of fake leather I relaised I’d left the money in the wallet, and I’m now left with a cheap wallet with a fiver sown into it, raising the value of the wallet to £6.

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Wanna bet?

I felt like a teacher AU, so have a teacher AU.

“Evans, let me just say that you look especially –“

“Stop it. I don’t want to hear it Potter. So stop talking, stop leering at me, and walk your merry way.”

“But I am walking my merry way,” James Potter grinned, slowing his long strides to match Lily Evans’ pace. “I just happen to be headed in the same direction.”

“Of course you are,” Lily rolled her eyes.

“So, since you’re the expert here, I’ve got to ask…”

“No, you really don’t.”

“What do you think about our chemistry?”

“In my expert opinion, Potter, we don’t have any chemistry.”

“Oh, now that right there is a big fat lie, Evans,” he countered with easy confidence. “I know you can feel it.”

“What subject did you teach again, Potter?”

“Citizenship. Want a private lesson?”

“No thanks. I just wanted to check since I was starting to think it was wishful thinking.”

They reached the teacher’s lounge and Potter suddenly stepped ahead of her. He opened the door and then dipped into a ridiculously theatrical bow.

“Ladies first.”

The corner of Lily’s lips twitched, but she quickly caught herself. She was about to walk right into the teacher’s lounge but then stopped. For a few seconds, she hovered in the doorway, then she turned to Potter.

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London tips pt.2: Theatre

Part of this series.

The basics:

What are prices like? Anywhere between 5 and 180 pounds for a standard seasonal show in central london. A fiver will get you standing at the Globe, but an Opera at the ROH could set you back 200 quid. An average west-end show will be between 30 and 90 pounds.

What’s the vibe - aka What do I wear? Anything you like, babe. London theatre is pretty laid back as a whole, so don’t fret if you didn’t bring your opera gloves. Any show will have its share of people in their full-on Sunday best, and people fresh from work, and people in trainers. You may have a gran in her pearl earrings on one side, and a teenager in a band shirt on the other side of you – approximate somewhere between that. All are welcome.

How do buy a ticket?

  1. In advance: If you live within reach of London/plan to be here for theatrical shenanigans, as soon as you hear about a play (an ad, an email, a newspaper article, rumour, anything) get online and get buying if you want the day and seat of your choice. You snooze you lose. The more popular things (read: anything with a celebrity) or the smaller venues (like the Donmar) can often sell out, or just sell out all the good seats. Those that don’t sell out may just leave you with the back rows if you don’t move fast. A simple google search will generally direct you to each theatre’s own distributor: this can be their own branded website, or sometimes one of the larger management companies like Nimax or Ambassadors theatre groups.
  2. The individual theatre’s street box office: I cannot stress this enough: If you are able to, GO IN PERSON. Rocking up at during business hours to the actual theatre you want to go to and speaking to the lil baby drama student on duty in the little glass booth will get you such treasure. Just tell them what you want, and hopefully they can help you out as see everything they have on their all-powerful booking screen and are generally sweethearts – on short notice this can be better than buying online, as theatres often have a volume of seats they only release on the day, and you can ask them for things like ‘do you have anything on a row-end/certain time/certain day/at this price’ or ‘can you sell me a standing ticket’ (for the sold out shows), or ‘where do I stand if I want to queue for returns’?.
  3. TKTS: if you wanna see the big hits (Phantom, Lion King, Book of Mormon etc), the jukebox vaudevilles (musicals based on movies, or based on ‘the songs of that popular band’), or the big celeb seasonal draws, then there’s a freestanding booth in Leicester Square called TKTS that is the big reputable ‘on-the-day’ discount seller for a lot of the big west-end crowd-pleasers. It’s on the south side of the square, and clearly-labelled TKTS. They do the big musicals and usually the west-end transfers of other theatres whose shows hit the big time (eg the NT will move its popular shows to a west end venue to clear their decks for more work at their main house, and allow them to run the play for longer) It’s same-day, so go ready with a free evening.

Rundown of the main theatres under the cut:

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Craigslist Interlude: Vanity Fair Reports

craigslist au. In which Skye takes on the ultimate Ward gauntlet: Being featured in Vanity Fair.  Oh, and she and Grant might just have a surprise up their sleeves. PS HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZZIE

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