but not really knives

So, it hasn’t occurred to me that other autistic people might not know this, so I figured I’d make a post.

Shopping channel stuff.

If there’s household stuff that you struggle with, for whatever reason, you should probably check out the shopping channels.

A lot of the stuff advertised on those channels is designed for various disabilities, it’s just not advertised as such.

Like, I can’t really use sharp knives for cooking. I don’t have the fine motor skills to use them safely.

But my mum bought a Nicer Dicer from the shopping channel, and it completely removes any danger for me.

[image of the Nicer Dicer]

Of course, it pretty much can’t be hand-washed, and it’s big, so it’s a pain in the dishwasher, but if I can’t get pre-sliced veg, it’s great.

She just bought a new hoover as well that’s a lot more light-weight and maneuverable than the Dyson one we’ve got, and I can finally actually use it with my dyspraxic arms.

Plus it’s quieter, so my headphones block the noise better.

So, yeah, if there’s any household jobs that you really struggle with, there’s probably a shopping channel solution.

Jo’Rhirr and his best friend/boyfriend back from caravan days; argonian Bad-Aim who works as knife thrower. Just like his name suggests, Bad-Aim’s really bad at aiming and hence totally sucks at his job. Jo’Rhirr casts illusions on every performance to hide his boyfriend’s failures. Bad-Aim, however, is really good at gutting people with his knives in close combat and doesn’t mind doing that when their caravan needs protection. Or when Jo’Rhirr gets in trouble because of another scam of his.

instagram

a really evil guy but a really good dad

K but the foxes having to fly

It’s such a train wreck which is funny since they’re at an airport.

-Andrew and Aaron always swap passports as a joke
-Allison has at least five suitcases with her and hell if they think they’ll charge her extra for it.
-Renee does this weird thing where she stares blankly at people and freak them out.
-Matt is aggressively chewing gum and rattling off odds of how many planes crash per year followed by his rant on how planes just v a n i s h
-I should point out he has no fear of flying
-he’s just getting Nicky wound up
-Nicky is writing and rewriting his will every time Matt opens his mouth.
-no one is really sure if Andrew actually took out his knives before coming to the airport.
-if he has them, no one catches on.
-Neil gets dragged away since his passport is flagged by the FBI for security reasons and that means Dan has to chase him down
-actually Neil escaped airport security a while ago, man. He picked his way out of
the locked room and strolled out.
-Kevin is hung over and informing the elderly couple across from them about the potato famine and is going on forever, even after they run away.
-Aaron had to swear up and down that he wouldn’t start discussing the chemistry that was involved in explosives like he did the last time.
-Dan has to coral everyone up, and lord help her when they discover their gate has been switched from one end of the airport to the extreme opposite end and they have ten minutes to get there.
-Neil is wearing the weirdest sunglasses and hat he stole from Nicky to hide from security guards
-and they’re s p r i n t i n g
-Neil is leading, Dan is following them close behind the rest of them.
-she basically runs down Nicky when he starts panicking over ending up on an island like Lost. (She starts running on Matt’s heels for that.
-Allison is fucking crushing it, even in stiletto heels and an army of luggage.
-(Renee took a bag and Kevin was so hungover and confused why they were running that Allison convinced him that it was an exercise so our homeboy grabbed the two bags and sprinted.
-Andrew is literally only running because fuck if security guards catch Neil because Neil has his stash of candy and Andrew point blank will refuse to get on the plane if Neil isn’t there. (Only because of the candy though.)
-these guys barely make it on time
-security sees Neil from a distance but it’s to late, Matt hauls him into the plane when he starts flipping them off.
-they are the most disorganized chaos to ever hit first class.
-dan starts cursing Allison for thinking them all going to Paris was a good idea
-Renee is pretty content with her sprite soda and headphones while Nicky is holding her hand looking terrorized.
-Aaron and Kevin are going shot for shot
-Neil subtly hands over the bag of candy WHICH ALSO HAS ANDREW’S KNIVES over to Andrew
-Matt and Allison look far to pleased with themselves and Dan is done.

Les Amis + their weird talents/party tricks
  • Enjolras: Can hang spoons of any size from his nose.
  • Courfeyrac: Can do handstands and recite the entirety of The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe. Yes, at the same time.
  • Combeferre: Can draw a detailed realistic moth from memory. The reason this still astounds people is that Ferre is completely incapable of drawing literally anything else. He has personally banned Pictionary on Games nights.
  • Grantaire: Grantaire has a MULTITUDE of party tricks. They collect them like Pokemon. Including but not limited to: Juggling, beatboxing, circular breathing (they learned the didgeridoo on a gap year in Australia), and card tricks.
  • Joly: Can wiggle their ears and they are VERY proud.
  • Bossuet: Makes dart guns from the pages of a magazine. Also folds really cool paper planes.
  • Jehan: Was a gymnast as a child so their body b e n d s. Can do the splits with ease. Can also throw knives but that tends to not really come up at parties.
  • Bahorel: Can flip a pile of 18 beer mats and catch them in mid air with one hand.
  • Feuilly: Origami. also not just paper; also napkins and towels. Paper origami he learned from the Japanese lady who ran his first orphanage. The other two he developed through working in hotels and restaurants. Can Also play the spoons and harmonica.
  • +
  • Marius: Can play La Marseillaise on wine glasses filled with water. He had a lonely childhood.
  • Cosette: Really good at body percussion. She and Marius do a very odd but very cool rendition of La Marseillaise together.
  • Eponine: Can bend her thumb back to touch her wrist bc of her weird joints. Can bend her arm at an odd angle bc of an old broken bone that didn't heal right.
  • Musichetta: Can say any word you give her backwards without seeing it written down. They only discovered this bc she would mutter to herself and everyone thought it was Urdu but eventually they realised she was actually saying everything backwards.

through lots of in depth character meta derived from playing Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth, i have determined that Franziska von Karma is a sword lesbian

The signs as Scott Pilgrim characters

Aries: Stephen Stills

Taurus: Knives Chau

Gemini: Young Neil

Cancer: Scott Pilgrim

Leo: Kim Pine

Virgo: Envy Adams

Libra: Wallace Wells

Scorpio: Gideon Gordon Graves

Sagittarius: Ramona Flowers

Capricorn: Roxy Richter

Aquarius: Todd Ingram

Pisces: Lucas Lee