but no i don't regret transferring

Imagine what a 50% Off version of Starting Days would look like..
  • Because the actual novel would give them SO MUCH GOLD (spoilers (plus jokes you'll only get if you've read HS!2) below)
  • (no I am not making ANY of these events up)
  • Makoto: ...Would I be alright if you weren't here, Haru?
  • Haru: what.
  • Makoto: Because, see, you're the strongest swimmer I know.
  • Haru: I don't follow.
  • Makoto: Well, you have to be a strong swimmer to fight off the ocean goblins, right? And I heard that people are made up of 70% water, right?
  • Haru: So?
  • Makoto: So it means THERE ARE OCEAN GOBLINS IN 70% OF MY BODY, HARU! AND IF YOU EVER WENT AWAY, THEY'D EAT ME ALIVE!
  • Haru: Makoto. Ocean goblins don't exist.
  • Makoto: Are you sure? Because sometimes, I swear I can feel them moving around inside of me... crawling with their teensy tiny little goblin feet... HELP.
  • Haru: Nah, I'm pretty sure that's just the mites, actually.
  • Makoto: Wait, what!?
  • *Camera zooms in on Haru's face with the sound of Makoto screaming as he's eaten alive from the inside out*
  • Or, alternate take on the cookie+beach scene:
  • Makoto: DUDE. I don't know what was in those cookies you got from the Cooking Club, but... I'm feeling rather... contemplative. Also, there are leprechauns playing air guitar behind you.
  • Haru: ...
  • Makoto: Like I used to be scared of the ocean, but now I realize... it's just a bunch of molecules. We're all just molecules. I want brownies.
  • Haru: ...
  • Makoto: So what's the point of life, if we're just mole- molu- *whale noise*? Like, you're not Haru, you're just a blob.
  • Haru: ...
  • Makoto: Like, I was trying to build a sandcastle, but then the tide came in. But it's all meaningless in the end, isn't it?
  • Haru: ...
  • Makoto: Also, I can't stay mad at the ocean, because it's made of rainbows and smiley faces. RAINBOWS and SMILEY FACES, man.
  • Makoto: ... I'm sorry, I'm just getting very emotional- what do you think, Haru? What's the meaning of life? 'Cause I think I just TOTALLY hit some transcendent state right now. Like, I am so transcendent it's not even funny.
  • Makoto: ... Haru! HARU! Is any of this getting through to you!?
  • Haru (in his head): laassst chriiistmas i gave you my heart...
  • ***
  • Makoto: So, what are you going to name him?
  • Haru: Well, I was thinking I'd name him Makoto.
  • (in his head): Because, you know, he has dependency issues and smells. Just like you, Makoto.
  • Other Harus: ...
  • Haru: Well, *I* thought it was funny. Ha ha ha. So there.
  • Later:
  • Makoto: (to the rest of the swim club) And he even named his DOG after me! Isn't it SO ROMANTIC?!! *squee*
  • ***
  • Sousuke: Yo, Nanase. I got this fairly weird letter from Rin- here, see if you can't make sense of it.
  • Haru: *attempts to read*
  • Rin: (voiceover)
  • Dearest Sousuke,
  • AUSTRALIA SUCKS AND I HATE IT. EVERYTHING HERE IS TRYING TO KILL ME AND I GOT THIRD-DEGREE BURNS JUST FROM GOING OUTSIDE FOR FIVE SECONDS ONCE. PLUS, I SUCK AT SWIMMING NOW, LIKE I'M LEGIT LOSING EVERY RACE. AND ALL THE OTHER SWIMMERS THROW THEIR LUNCH AT ME WHEN I COME IN LAST- do you KNOW how many pb&js I've had in my hair recently?! But MY BALLS DROPPED so I'm totally a MAN now and will SWIM THROUGH THE PAIN, RIN! And when I think of you, my shining, and your eyes clear as water and NOT TURQUOISE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM, it gives me the strength to go on. Because, when I remember how beautiful you looked swimming that freestyle race, I just knew I HAD to be with you BUT NOT IN A GAY WAY. And I know Sousuke was upset when I transferred schools to swim with you, Sousuke, but, at the same time, I don't ever regret knowing you except *shark noise* YOU AND YOUR STUPID BEAUTIFUL SWIMMING WHY ARE YOU SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME IT'S NOT FAIR ANFDJKSHFKDJHFIO
  • ps. plz deliver this to Haru ACTUALLY DON'T ABORT MISSION ABORT
  • Sousuke: So wha do you think?
  • Haru #1: What does this say?
  • Haru #2: Dunno, all I got was "swim team."
  • Haru #3: Okay, this is getting ridiculous. I vote ONE of us learns to read by high school.
  • Haru #1: Dude, we talked about this. No showing weakness in front of Sousuke, remember?
  • Haru (out loud): I'm... touched. It sounds like rin really misses us. I'm sure when he comes back, we'll be the BEST of friends!
  • *crickets*

anonymous asked:

I stg I get about 10 calls a day from ppl who don't know their ID# or insurance carrier, then yell at me for taking more than half a second to find them in our system. This particular guy today also talked in circles about his problem, then called me stupid when I tried to clarify what he needed help with. It turned out he needed to call his provider directly & he handled THAT about as gracefully as expected. My only regret is that I couldn't leave him on hold longer before transferring him.