but my ship sails in any weather

How Tumblr Saved Me From a Fuck Nigga...

So there’s this security guard at my job. He kinda weird, and he always creepin past my office when nobody is around. He stay rappin about some nonsense, and usually I don’t pay him any mind. But today, he felt extra talkative… This nigga was talkin about the weather, sports, his childhood, and I’m just over here like 

Anyway, as he talking his life away, I decide to scroll on my dash cause #fuckit  I don’t have it in me to be courteous anymore, that ship sailed 3 topics ago. So I’m scrolling, giggling at stupid shit, and then I accidentally hit a video. What video do I hit? One of this chick taking thee biggest dick I’ve ever seen. Her moans come through the speaker like it’s fucking surround sound. I’m stuck…My face like 

His face like 

We both like “shit…” I’m trying to hurry up and stop the shit, but then I look and see he look mad uncomfortable. So at this point I got one of two options. I can let the shit play and make him so uncomfortable he leaves (but run the risk of my boss coming in) or I can stop it and try to laugh it off. Once again…#FUCKIT I let the damn thing play. At this point, the people in the video all into it. Nigga on there gettin the sloppy top and I’m just lookin at him like 

Finally that nigga like “yeeeah, I gotta get back…they lookin for me.” I’m like “awww for real? Alright, well it was nice talking to you!” That nigga dipped like he was Speedy Gonzalez and I haven’t seen him since.