but my mom is so awesome

You want a Polaroid picture?

So this weekend I was at Wal-Mart with my mom and they totally mislabeled some Instax cameras and I got one for hella cheap, which was awesome because my hipster ass has wanted one for a year or so.

But now I have this camera and am wondering what to do with it.

So I thought… why not take pictures and send them to people? So if you want me to send you a random Polaroid send me your name and a mailing address. I promise I won’t use them for anything nefarious! 

sexylibrarian1  asked:

Okay, so I feel your pain. My mother took my awesome 92-year old uncle out to lunch today without me, and I could have used a dose of his happy. Ugh. So rude.

We are all going to meet up and go to our moms favorite places and get lit af and send them pics of our happy times!!! *throws table*

Songs that never fail to make white people beyond turnt
  •  Don’t Stop Believing 
  • Bohemian Rhapsody 
  • Living On A Prayer 
  • Come On Eileen 
  • Sweet Caroline 
  • Shot Through the Heart 
  • Pour Some Sugar on Me 
  • Sweet Home Alabama 
  • Under Pressure 
  • Shook Me All Night Long 
  • Ice Ice Baby 
  • Cotton Eyed Joe
  • 500 Miles
  • Wonderwall 
  • Buddy Holly 
  • A Thousand Miles 
  • Teenage Dirtbag 
  • Red Solo Cup 
  • Mr Brightside 
  • Never Gonna Give You Up 
  • Eye of the Tiger 
  • Chicken Fried 
  • American Pie 
  • I Love Rock and Roll 
  • Dancing Queen 
  • Don’t You Want Me
  • We Will Rock You 
  • The Time Warp 
  • Hey Jude 
  • Piano Man
  • This Is How We Do It
  • Drops of Jupiter 
  • Hey Soul Sister
  • In The End 
  • All The Small Things 
  • Stacy’s Mom 
  • Kryptonite 
  • All Star 
  • You Found Me
  • Bad Day 
  • Bring Me To Life 
  • Dance, Dance
  • Sugar We’re Going Down 
  • I Write Sins Not Tragedies 
  • All The Small Things 
  • Ocean Avenue 
  • Dirty Little Secret 
  • Margaritaville 
  • Sk8er Boi
  • Brown Eyed Girl 
  • Life Is A Highway 
  • Some Nights 
  • Little Lion Man 
  • Breakeven
  • Hey There Delilah 
  • Viva La Vida
  • Use Somebody 
  • Carry On My Wayward Son 
  • Take On Me
  • 1985 
  • Iris 
  • I’m Awesome 
  • Seven Nation Army 
  • September 
  • Since U Been Gone
  • Skinny Love 
  • Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)
  • Bye Bye Bye 
  • Say It Ain’t So 
  • Somewhere Only We Know 
  • I’m Yours 
  • Last Resort 
  • My Girl 
  • Tiny Dancer 
  • Roxanne
  • Shout 
  • I’m a Believer 
  • Soul Man
  • Feel Good Inc 
  • Check Yes Juliet
  • Walking On Sunshine 
  • MMM Bop
  • Pumped up Kicks 
  • Hooked On A Feeling 
  • It’s A Beautiful Day
  • Summer Girls 
  • Before He Cheats 
  • Happy Together
  • You Make My Dreams Come True
  • Build Me Up Buttercup
  • Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
  • DONTTRUSTME
  • Shake It (Metro Station)
  • Juke Box Hero
  • Girls Just Want To Have Fun
Mom Adopts a “Dog”

So y’all keep blowing up my notes with the various Family Lore stories I’ve been telling, so I guess I should tell one on my parents now.

My Mother’s Father was part of the United Auto Worker’s Union, and during the 50′s and 60′s, was on strike a lot. My point is, grandpa got himself an entirely deserved reputation for being a sucker who loved animals, so people would dump thier pets on him. Hence, my mother grew up in a house with pets such as Picket the one-eyed tomcat, Tweety the Bald canary, Dummy the cat, Stupid Son of Dummy, Spooky Garbage Dog and Chiquita the Tarantula.  Eventually Grandma put her foot down when Grandpa brought home Gerta the Saint Bernard.

I say all this because it provides some context for how the following occured.

Mom and Dad had just moved in together (my parents dated for six years and were engaged for 13 days, driving everyone on both sides insane), and unfortunately, My mother’s German Shepherd, Cops, has just passed away due to bone cancer.  After mourning for a bit, Mom and Dad decided to get a dog together, as a couple.  

For context, my father had never owned a dog in his life.  His mother had ‘Pretty Bird” the budgie as a child but parrots are alien life forms, not pets.

So they go to the Palo Alto Animal shelter to adopt.  The year was 1987, and at the time, Palo Alto was… not a great place.  Lots of drugs, gangs and poor civic managment.  Mom told me that she learned to identify different types of gunfire while living there. They get there, and mom explains that she’s always had a preference for Big Dogs, and the guy’s face lights up.  Oh Yes, he says, We have a Big Dog.  For expirienced owners, yep, adoptable today, here we’ll give you a discount even-

Somehow my parents were not suspicious about this.

They were shown to the Animal in question, a Gorgeous blue-sable beastie with pretty golden eyes who immediately pressed herself against the fence and gave them the best PUH-LEEEEEEASE TAKE ME HOME puppy eyes 100lbs of canine can do.  Mom and Dad fall in love instantly.  They sign all the paperwork and take her home for $10, and name her “Mazel” as in “Mazel Tov.”

Within the hour, it becomes clear that something is amiss.

Cops had lived with his kibble stored in a plastic garbage can in the garage for six years without incident.  Mazel figured out how to open doors and got the locking lid off the can in six minutes, horking down about four pounds of the stuff before my mother notices that it’s been weirdly quiet.  Most dogs bark at or chase squirrels.  Mazel stalked and caught one the second day, presenting it to my mother like an offering.  Mazel knew all her commands but would clearly stop to consider before obeying, and trained my dad to give her good treats within a week.  The locks on the side-yard gate were undone, and she took a stroll around the neighborhood, but always retuned home for dinner.

After a week of gradually realizing that Mazel was smarter than most of the professors my mom worked with, they took her to the Vet for a routine checkup.

Dr. Hamada walked into the exam room, dropped the clip-board and said “Where the HELL did you get a Wolf?”

After a bit of prodding and a very-angry-dr.hamada-calling-the-pound, they determined Mazel was a high-content hybrid, probably with a husky, but was going to be a lil shit her entire life.  OK, said Hamada, I don’t like destroying animals and you’ve got a lot of expirience with dogs, so I’m okay with letting you keep her, but you should keep her away from small children because her Prey Drive could kick in.

Two years later, mom got pregnant with me.

Mazel noticed instantly, and reacted by digging a large hole in the yard and catching even more squirrels for mom, because she needed the protein or something.  That what you do when the Alpha Bitch is preggers, right?  Dig a den and ply her with food?  On the advice of my grandmother, my mom stayed overnight at the hospital once I was delivered, and dad went home with a shirt that had moms and my scent on it.  Mazel spent the whole night puzzling over it.

The next morning, when mom came home with me, there was the sudden and instantaneous recognition of PUPPY!!!!!! :D:D:D!!!!! PUUUUUUUPPY!!!!!!  and Mazel turned into the most aggressively maternal being I’ve ever met.  Playing with me on the blanket, sitting under my chair at meals (I was a messy eater), sleeping under my crib, teaching me to walk by letting me hang onto her fur and shuffle around.

Dr. Hamada thought mom was a madwoman, until he saw me holding Mazel’s mouth open and sticking my face in so i could look at her teeth.  He gave up when my mom announced she was pregnant with my sister.

I’m making living with a Wolfdog sound awesome, but it did come with some drawbacks:

  • Mazel did have to be muzzled at the vets, because she had Opinions about having things stuck up her butt.
  • HAIR.  One of my chores growing up was to brush her out every week and I’d frequently end up with more hair than animal.
  • the only way we could reliably get her to stay in the yard was with an overhead tether with a STEEL cable, which she chewed through anyway.
  • Do you like waking up by being hit in the face with half a dead animal? No? Wolfdogs may not be for you.
  • More than capable of opening the fridge and eating everything if you’re not watching
  • Will get into everything if not otherwise occupied.  Including eating your tax forms.
  • Howls along with sirens at 4 AM.

PROS of growing up with a wolfdog, as a small child in the 90′s

  • I was afforded a degree of freedom normally associated with a pokemon trianer. It was no big deal for me and my sister to walk three miles through my not-really-good neighborhood to the Froyo if I took Mazel with us. People tended to leave us alone when we had 100lbs of overprotective Apex Predator following us around.
  • WINNING at Pet Day at school.  There wasn’t actually a compettion but Billy’s hamster sucks in comparison to an animal that is perfectly willing to demonstrate how she can snap an oak branch in half on command.
  • PTA moms losing their shit because Mazel would walk down the block by herself to come pick ups up from school.
  • Grew up associating the word “Bitch” with teeth and the willingness to rip an asshole’s face off for being rude.  Never changed the definition.
  • Learned the I-Own-This Strut and Murder-Stare from the absolute best.

When she was 17, Mom and Dad decided to add another room on to the house.  They rigged up the overhead tether so she could be outside but not underfoot for the contruction guys.  One morning, mom came out to notice them all milling in the side yard entrance, muttering worriedly.  When mom asked what was wrong, one of them explained that Carlos forgot to bring the Hamburger.  What do you need a hamburger for?  Asked mom, and they pointed down the side yard to where Mazel was sitting, doing her best Viscious Alpha Bitch Stare.

Apparently they’d never realized that she was on the VERY end of her tether there and couldn’t actually get to them, and had been scamming them for a big mac a day for a month.  Mom had my six-year-old sister pull her away to show she wasn’t dangerous and tired her best not to laugh but kind of failed.

Mazel ended up living to be 19 and a half, and except for some minor arthritis, remarkably hale until the day she passed away in her hole in the back yard while taking a nap.  I maintain that Death had to wait until she was sleeping to get a crack at her, or she would’ve taken his scythe for a chew toy.

Stuff My Mom Has Told Me During Hamilton (Act 1)
  • Hamilton: "Why do they start out with the end? Spoilers!"
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: "How is telling someone you stalked and punched them a sure way to make friends?"
  • "Mom..."
  • "Who's the random French dude?"
  • "Lafayette."
  • "Where did he come from?"
  • "France, mom."
  • "Is this man having sex with horses?"
  • My Shot: "Didn't that guy sing this on Jimmy? The lyrics were different..."
  • The Story of Tonight: "I would not have told you about nights like that..."
  • The Schuyler Sisters: "That poor Peggy...she sounds adorable."
  • Farmer Refuted: "I have no clue what's being said..."
  • You'll Be Back: "Does this apply to what's going on now?"
  • Right Hand Man: "BURR JUST GOT REJECTED!"
  • A Winter's Ball: "With the ladies? Didn't you say he liked John?"
  • Helpless: "Girl this is gonna end bad for you..."
  • Satisfied: "How do you forget your name then - BAM! - now you remember?"
  • TSOT (Reprise): "They're cute when they're drunk."
  • Wait For It: "Wait - is everyone having an affair? You said Alex does right?"
  • "Mom just listen..."
  • "What does this have to do about Georgia?"
  • Stay Alive: "Did they eat horses asses?!"
  • Ten Duel Commandments: "How is General Lee here? Why do they hate him?"
  • "That's Charles Lee...you're thinking of Robert E. Lee."
  • "Oh."
  • Meet Me Inside: "Alexander you gonna get grounded!"
  • That Would Be Enough: "A little Hamilton sounds like a bad idea..."
  • Guns and Ships: "Damn he's fast."
  • History Has Its Eyes on You: "That's some deep shit..."
  • Battle of Yorktown: "I LIKE THIS ONE!"
  • "Mom please - "
  • "THEY WON!"
  • "I know they did mom."
  • What Comes Next: "Wait did he - oh my God. 'Awesome. Wow.' That's how I feel when your father talks about sports."
  • Dear Theodosia: "That's an awful name..."
  • "Mom!"
  • John Laurens Interlude (i had to): "Wait...what?"
  • Non-Stop: "How do you go from something so sad to this?! What the hell?!"
pjo musical: the rundown

so i went to see the lightning thief with @angelicomma yesterday and um. oKAY GUYS GALS AND NONBINARY PALS LEMME TELL U ABOUT THIS MOTHER!FUCKIN! SHOW!!!! because it was SO GOOD this is just like. the short list of what i loved about it because oh my god 

prepare for the longest post ever 

  • the set was such an aesthetic? it was all very metallic like there was scaffolding and greek columns with graffiti on them? it was very chb and very nyc and overall a Blessing 
  • every time they needed to show a different location they’d do it with the lights so like there were these lights lining the scaffolding that would change color ?? in the underworld they’d flash red, yellow and orange and were made to look like fire and near the ocean theyd be blue and if they were talking about trees itd be green and! if they wanted u to focus on a certain part of the scaffolding it’d be a different light color than any of the other parts which was rad af
  • the overhead lights were used really well too like when percy was singing about being the son of poseidon or when there was water the lights would be blue and when they were in the forest theyd be green
  • there is an entire song about how they hate new jersey and how they refuse to die in the garden state. know this
  • the show was very low budget like oh my god it was great
  • they didnt make some of their own props so sally walked in once with a trader joe’s bag and also the most important bag in the world (containing the master bolt) was a fucking jansport 
  • their representation of water was just to attach toilet paper rolls to leaf blowers and turn the overhead lights blue like what even
  • they covered the first 4 rows in toilet paper at one point 
  • also they fuckin deca-casted everyone except for percy (chris mccarrell, the light of my life actually he was so good) 
  • jonathan raviv played chiron, auntie em, random chb girl in a bike helmet and braids (?), random tractor guy (?), a bus driver, a train conductor, hades, and poseidon and im probably missing someone. he had very distinctive characters for all of them not to mention horse puns 
    • “the gods are kind of dicks”
    • medusa’s eyes were just light up swim goggles
  • sarah beth pfeifer, who probably has the best comic timing ive seen ever, played clarisse, katie gardner, a fucking squirrel?, mrs. dodds, lotus casino girl, random camper assistant to mr. d, and thalia 
    • *chases annabeth down a flight of stairs with a sword while screaming* 
    • “for their sixteenth birthdays my friends all got cars. I got a fern and a mason jar!” 
    • “ARROWS ARE MADE WITH WOOD. I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN AN ACTIVITY THAT CONDONES VIOLENCE AGAINST OUR ARBOR BRETHREN!”
  • they had the most roles and they were GREAT 
  • george salazar was such a wonderful grover and mr d oh man 
    • mr d’s whole gag was he’d kick a chair when he got pissed which was hysterical bc the camper assistant would start pouting every time and he also wanted to turn percy into a dolphin 
    • “grover, are you ever going to wear pants again?” “NOPE!” 
    • his solo song was about thalia and how he couldnt save her talk about EMOTIONAL he cried
    • dam jokes
      • we might have more drachmas if you didnt spend them on those DAM SNACKS” “HEY! IT WAS THE HOOVER DAM” 
  • let me talk about. carrie compere for like multiple hot seconds bc GODDAMN GIRL CAN SANG 
  • she was such a good sally. can she be my mom. she sang a song abt percy being special and wonderful and i got a lil teary 
    • “you saved my life, percy. It’s time i learned how to live it.” cryin g 
  • her silena was really funny? like very whiny but very funny.
    •  “every time i bring a boy home, my mom’s there in her nightie […] she steals my mascara and all my dates!” 
  • she also played sort of charon? underworld guide in this awesome gold dress (she looked SO GOOD) who smacked grover’s goat ass (?????) 
    • “you know, bringing people to the underworld isn’t my only job. I also have a band. wanna hear a demo?” “not really?” “sorry, i can’t hear you over this SWEET ASS RIFF” 
    • We got everyone! we got kurt kobain, we got beethoven. any requests?” “um, do you have josh groban?” “we will.” 
  • JAMES! HAYDEN ! RODRIGUEZ! was sO GOOD AS LUKE
  • THERE WAS A GOOD KID REPRISE AND I WAS SHOOKEN 
    • “being a good kid gets you nowhere at all” bruh 
  • they couldn’t have a scorpion onstage so luke just. fucking stabs percy in the back??? 
  • He was also a really funny ares and gabe!! 
  • ok and my gal KRISTIN STOKES 
    • fun fact abt me and kristin stokes ….. so we were walking in the same direction after stage door and so me and @angelicomma just walked with her….to the train…. she gave us dessert recs…… and talked about the show (she’s so salty about how rangey her big solo is but trust me she was so good on that song) and also waitress with us…. it was the best experience of all time she is so nice and cool and was wearing jurassic park leggings how rad is she oh my god
    • her annabeth? was awesome? she was witty and tough and aggressive and i was ABOUT IT 
    • she called out sexism all the damn time 
      • “annabeth, i get it. do you know how many schools i’ve been kicked out of?” “yeah, percy, but when boys mess up they get a second chance.” 
      • “hey, annabeth, who’s your dad?” “he’s a history professor.” “i thought everyone’s dad was-” “a god? that’s my mom. sexist.” 
        • longest yeah boi ever 
    • the moment where she betrayed luke at the end??? YES GIRL
  • chris mccarrell was such a perfect percy i am elated 
    • “Tartarus? LIKE THE FISH SAUCE???!!!?!?!” 
    • *swings riptide like a lightsaber while making lightsaber noises* 
    • *packages medusa’s head* “To Mount Olympus. Signed, Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase.” “the gods will think we’re impertinent!” “*winning smile* we are impertinent.” 
    • *pouts* “i know how to hold a sword! like this!” annabeth corrects him and he swings it “oh wow actually that’s a lot easier” 
    • in good kid he was like? running around the stage and climbing the scaffolding and shit? and i cried??? the no mom line was the WORST i wanted to actually scream and his voice is so pretty 
    • and he was so shook by his own powers oh man 
    • he was just. so good at the twelve year old thing it was fantastic he was all fidgety and Dramatic ™ god bless
    • he loves sally so much!!! all the demigods were salty af abt their parents and he was just quietly singing like “my mom loves hugs and scary movies” and i just. screamed quietly
  • there were rlly cute percabeth moments too. 
    •  percy’s knocked tf out the first time annabeth meets him (she infiltrates his dream a lil) and he sings a lil song abt how she’s beautiful and stuff and he wakes up and she’s all “YOU DROOL IN YOUR SLEEP” shook 
    • she shows up at capture the flag (percy hasnt officially met her yet) and he points at her and was just “gasps YOURE MY DREAM GIRL!” and annabeth side-eyes him hardcore and he goes “UM. THE GIRL. FROM MY DREAM.” 
    • “the god is my mom. sexist.” “NO NO I LOVE GIRLS!” annabeth is shook yet again and percy panics and is like “I MEAN UM THEYRE VERY NICE” 
      • percy gets serious side eye from luke
      • it’s great  
    • when percy gets stabbed they almost kiss and then grover RUNS ONSTAGE “HEY! here’s your ambrosia percy” goddamn it was DRAMATIC
  • im definitely missing shit but oh boy it was so so good
  • i’d kill a man for that soundtrack  
  • if you have the chance (and the money) it’s just. such an Experience and everything i could have ever dreamed of. the cast is great (and theyre all so freakin NICE s/o to kristin especially). 
  • i’d highly recommend it!!! A+ 1000/10

clramaturgy  asked:

my mom adamantly said that you should do the voiceover for audio books she loves your voice

See, I think that would be awesome, but that’s so much talking at once!! Me saying that would probably confuse my friends, but idk!! That just seems like an insurmountable amount of talking! lol I could possibly just try it though to see how it is

SKAMS04E08 Clip 1 - Miss you

[SANA: Hi. There’s something I have to tell you.

Hi. What are you doing today? Can we meet up?

CHRIS: I’m hungover af

VILDE: Magnus and I are talking.

NOORA: How are you doing Vilde?

VILDE: He thinks I’ve cheated on him with Elias.

EVA: We’re gonna kill those who made the hate account. Sana: I’m also hungover af and dad is visiting from Bergen to celebrate my 18th birthday. Yippee!

No Yippee.

Plus fml.

CHRIS: Eva!! Mom said it’s okay for us to celebrate your 18th birthday at my place on Friday!!

EVA: SHE DID?? Fucking hell!!

CHRIS: She asked why you couldn’t have it at your place, and I was like… ehhh.. they’re renovating. After the last party.

EVA: Hahahaha!! Awesome!! Who are we going to invite??

[Elias watching Youtube video of the boys]

SANA: Hi.

ELIAS: Talking to me?

SANA: Sorry for being mad.

ELIAS: So you’re not mad anymore? That’s good. I thought you were going to be mad for the rest of your life.

[YOUSEF: Okay, are you ready?]

SANA: Why aren’t you friends with Even anymore?

ELIAS: No, the guy doesn’t want to be with us anymore, so we can’t make him.

SANA: So it’s not because he.. tried to kiss Mikael? Because I heard Mikael freaked out.

ELIAS: That’s not why. It’s.. A lot happened. The guy just started doing a lot of random stuff. Then he tried kissing Mikael, among other things. And we tried to get him to chill, but it didn’t work. Then he dropped out of school and I talked to Sonja and she told me he was depressed. And when she told us we tried to call him and text him a lot, but.. So it’s his deal if he doesn’t wanna hang out with us.

SANA: You know he’s dating Isak? I think he misses you.. Because he asked about you the other day.

ELIAS: He did? Tell him hi, then. Hey. You know Yousef?

SANA: Just forget about it. I’m over him.

anonymous asked:

“You bake when you’re stressed and sometimes you give me cookies, but recently you’re giving me whole baskets each day, now I’m not complaining but are you okay?” au sterek? <3

OK, I wrote you a quick little thing. :)

now also on ao3

*

When Derek shows up at Stiles’ back door that morning with a basket full of about three dozen cookies, all carefully iced to look like Batman and Spider-Man, Stiles doesn’t say anything. He just gets up from the kitchen table and opens the screen door, and then he looks down at the basket for a long, long moment, and then he rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes and groans.

He looks kind of… unkempt. He’s wearing the same sweatpants and lacrosse hoodie he’d had on two days ago when Derek saw him at his mailbox, and his hair is sticking up everywhere, and it’s obvious he hasn’t shaved in a while because there’s some actual stubble there. Derek didn’t think Stiles was even capable of facial hair. It only adds to his attractiveness, but still, Derek can’t help but be concerned.

Derek doesn’t usually start conversations, but today he feels like making an exception. “Are you okay? This is a lot more baking than usual, even for you.”

“What? What do you mean?” Stiles says, dropping his hands to his sides. His face cycles through about five or six different expressions before settling on something that’s probably trying to say “innocent and oblivious,” but… well. Derek might not know Stiles that well, but he knows Stiles is definitely not either of those things, ever.

“The cookies,” Derek says slowly. “That you leave on my doorstep a few times a week while I’m out on my morning run.”

Stiles glares down at the cookies Derek’s holding like they’ve betrayed him.

“We don’t talk about it,” Derek says slowly, unsure, “but I thought you knew that I knew it was you. I mean, no one else in the neighborhood even talks to me.”

Keep reading

A few years ago, I worked giving out samples at Costco for a year, and these were the best/weirdest things that happened to me:

Around Halloween, a man and woman walked by my cart, with a little boy who was crying as if he was losing part of his soul. They all had strong and beautiful Indian accents. The man said, “Son, what’s wrong? Son, what’s bothering you?” and his wife sighed and said, “He thinks we won’t let him be a ladybug for Halloween.” The father straightened up and said, “Son, of course you can be a ladybug! You can be whatever you want!” and they slowly got the boy to stop crying. It was one of the most heartwarming moments I’ve ever seen.

An elderly man with a long and greasy beard stole my opened bottle of Tabasco sauce that I was using, and proceeded to tilt it over his mouth and drink as much as he could. He then made a noise like “Whee-hee!” and said, “You can’t say you’re from Georgia, unless you can do that!” while I stared on with a horrified face.

(I’m not even in Georgia, and now, I hope to never be.)

A cart rushed by me, two children clinging to the sides of it, and a third pushing it as the other two yelled, “Faster, faster!” A minute later, a very frazzled mother ran in and said, “Have you seen my children?!” I pointed, and she ran off again.

A toddler chose me specifically to tell a story to, about how one time he went to a swimming pool, and there was a slide he really liked, and he went down it a bunch of times. His mom gave me a look of “I’m so sorry,” as the kid spoke, but she should not have been sorry. It was awesome.

A middle-aged man in a suit tried convincing me (while I was shutting down my cart and trying to avoid him) that Obama was the Antichrist, and that the whole world was run by someone called “The Black Pope” who was baptizing space aliens, and that’s why he liked Mitt Romney better. I countered by telling him that Mitt Romney’s real first name is “Willard,” and that made him dumbfounded enough that I could escape and clock out.

His || Jungkook || 0.12

Member: Jungkook x Reader

Type: Angst, Fluff, Smut.

Teaser | 0.1 | 0.2 | 0.3 | 0.4 | 0.5 | 0.6 | 0.7 | 0.8 | 0.9 | 0.10 | 0.11 | 0.12

Keep reading

In This Light (Part 1)

Summary: Model!Bucky AU with Photographer!Reader. This is your meeting with Bucky, and how your friendship developed into something more.

Pairings: Bucky x Reader (main); Steve x Reader (side)

Word Count: 4,658

Warnings: None.

A/N: This is a re-write of  Dean fic series I never finished. Here’s hoping that I will have motivation to finish this storyline with Buckaroo. Hope you all enjoy! Also, I don’t claim to know how the photography/fashion world works, I’m just… Sorry if there are mistakes. 


“Alright, children, enough chattering!” A large woman with bushy blonde hair and overdone makeup stared down at her sixth-grade Earth and Space science class. She was frowning and it was only the first day of classes. She was already feeling the headache that was sure to make itself known by the end of the week. “Settle down!” she bellowed.

At her shrill voice, silence overcame the room and everyone found empty seats to call their own. She gave them all a wide, forced smile in gratitude. “Welcome to Earth and Space Science! I am Mrs. Paulson and I will not tolerate any unruly conduct in my class. You will be wise to be on your best behavior while you’re in my class. If you aren’t, a detention slip with your name on it will be waiting for you by the end of class. Do I make myself clear?”

A drone of agreements reached her ears and she gave a grin of satisfaction. Some kids thought her wolf-like. She clapped her hands once before picking up a stack of papers, licking her forefinger to separate the sheets. Oblivious to the grimaces of her students as she handed them their syllabus, her voice thundered through the room. “Learn it, live it, love it. I will always abide by the schedule you find there and everything that will be required of you is written on that very sheet. Is that understood? There are no excuses!”

Keep reading

New Old Captain

Read here on ao3 (x)

Lardo was hunched over her laptop working on a write up for her final art project and Ford was across the table from her, finalizing room assignments for the boys’ upcoming (and final) roadie, when the front door opened and a voice called out, “Hello?”

“Jack?” Lardo scrambled out of her chair and into the front hallway. Ford leaned over to save Lardo’s document, then slowly followed after her. She didn’t think she had met anyone on the team named Jack, but who else would be coming to the Haus? She ran through a mental roster of the team, but didn’t come up with anything.

She found Lardo wrapped up in what looked like the world’s comfiest hug with a man who had to be a foot taller than her, and if he wasn’t some sort of athlete, Ford would eat her rooming assignments. His arms, good lord.

“Who’s this, Ris?” He asked, catching sight of Ford.

“Ford, our new manager,” Lardo’s voice was muffled into his chest. “Ford, this is Jack. You should have told someone you were coming, Ransom and Holster made an extra practice today and everyone else is at the rink.”

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5

Jashi Children /Ai and Sisters AU

Part Two : X

Can you tell i really like drawing kids?

Ashi is reunited with Jack and still has her powers so they decide to have a child and they fell in love with him so then they wanted another and ended up with 6 more daughter. They’re done having kids. 

Jack and Ashi believe their daughters are reincarnations of ashi’s sisters so they named their girls after them. (they have jacks eyes instead, while Ai has Ashi’s) 

I picture dad Jack being playful chill dad and Ashi being awesome mom but she’s the tougher one since she got the demon powers and is in charge of teaching the girls better control. She’s often overprotective of Ai because he doesn’t have powers….yet. Sometimes they sleep in the same giant bed. 

Gonna draw more of them cuz they def have a story. 

I should be asleep but I can’t so hear me out: nursey’s dad was his mom’s good friend from like college when samuel was an army veteran getting his bachelors at like 30. (he lost his wife really young, found himself a single dad to his daughter & two sons, and wanted a career that would keep him closer to home.) nursey’s mom and dad bonded over hand-to-hand combat techniques and having immigrant parents (his are Ethiopian, hers are Turkish and Bengali). he didn’t have a lot of money, so she’d come up with reasons to “borrow” his kids whenever she knew he needed a babysitter. she credits him to this day for her switch from pediatrics to dentistry– “I love these specific kids, but god help me if i get sneezed on by a toddler I don’t even know.” his kids grew up calling her auntie jo/joeita, he made it through PA school and she got through dentistry, they stay close. so when nurseys mom decides roughly ten years after they meet (she’s five years out of dental school) that she doesn’t want to wait any longer to have a kid, the first person she thinks of when she thinks “good dad whom I trust” her friend samuel. not to mention she knows the kids he already has and thinks they’re great. he happily agrees to be her sperm donor, they have a lot of talks about how and to what extent they’ll be coparenting, five months later nursey’s mom is walking around with a cute baby bump when she runs into the literal woman of her dreams in the Starbucks inside a Barnes & noble. (paloma, for what it’s worth, is just minding her own business when an eleven-year-old boy trips over her shoes, looks her in the face, and then stage whispers “hey auntie jo have you seen how pretty this lady is????” to the stunning woman looking apologetic at the end of the aisle.) ANYWAY, they take their time for obvious reasons but when nursey’s around six months old his dad insists on taking him for the night so that his best friend can FINALLY go on a real date with “Professor Model, I swear joeita if you don’t date this woman it will be a personal affront to me, my children, your ancestors, just go to dinner oh my god”

lil derek is the flower boy at his mom and mama’s wedding when he’s four. his dad officiates, and nursey gets so excited to run down the aisle toward him that he forgets about the petals almost entirely. he grows up with the coolest way-older siblings (cardiologist, psychologist, political policy analyst/future senator) who help him with his homework and show him off to their friends and just get the BIGGEST kick out of nursey, he’s like their mascot, PLUS an awesome dad who teaches him to cook and how to do a real push-up, PLUS the best moms a kid could ask for. every Father’s Day he spends two hours making an elaborate breakfast for his dad before they watch Scrubs in bed while they eat it and he thinks to himself he is just spoiled with love.

An actual cute story where I don't hate anyone

So I know from experience that girls from 5-15 have this tendency to want to talk to older girls and want to impress them. I was like that as a teen, so whenever a girl in that age range comes in and kinda shyly starts talking to me I’m always attentive, because I know it will make them feel cool.
No idea why, I’m the lamest 20 something ever, but I have piercings and a car so I guess I’m cool to anyone too young to drive. Whatever.

So yesterday this 6 year old comes over while her mom is picking up her glasses and she starts off with:

“I lost my tooth last night.”
So I play along.
“That’s awesome, did the tooth fairy bring you anything?”
“I got a dollar!”
“Wow, that’s a lot. I used to get 25 cents.”
“Yeah” then she whispers “…my mom is the tooth fairy.”
I’m not going to step on that landmine, so I say.
“Really! How did she know when I lost a tooth when I was little?” Thinking the girl would clarify that the tooth fairy wasn’t real and that my parent’s put the money there. But no, the girl shrugged and just goes.

“My mom has superpowers.” Whispered like it’s the biggest secret in the world. And then goes on to tell me this story about how her mom has a special tower where she keeps the teeth and the teeth have memories in them and it was the most adorable thing ever.

Made my day so much better.