but my god is she gorgeous

My gramma just told me the best fucking story

When my gramma was in her early twenties (this was early 1950’s), she dated this guy named Larry and he was like SUPER FINE. One night after dinner Larry took my gramma to this bar where there was gonna be kind of a burlesque show type thing. She thought it was kinda strange that a guy she was dating would take her to something like that but whatever, she’s an adventurous lady.
So this blonde dancer comes out and starts her routine and she was super good and really gorgeous. Gramma’s impressed. But then Blondie comes over to Gramma and Larry and ruffles Larry’s hair like she knows him really well or something, so Gramma’s like ???????
Anyway the dancer ended her routine by taking off her bra and revealing that she was a drag queen. Gram says to Larry, “Okay that was cool and stuff but why did you show me this?”
Larry says, “That’s my brother.”
My gramma’s boyfriend brought her to see his brother’s drag show for like their third date.

2

OMG OMG OMG YOU GUYS LOOK

afghafuckin’ WOW.

So I commissioned @yliseryn to draw Allura in my wedding dress because personal vanity and LOOK AT THIS PERFECTION. She even threw in an appropriate Shiro reaction shot. xD And Allura’s holding my bouquet and the ribbon color is the same and omg OH MY GOD the lighting and her hair and look how happy she is and it will take me a bit to formulate actual words to describe this RIP my writing ability. #__#

Truth about the 'Glamorous Lifestyle' of a Sugar Baby/Escort.

To Aspiring Sugar babies and Escorts

Listen ladies, I’ve been privileged enough to have been on private jets, exotic ‘vacations’, dined in x number of Michelin star dinners, worn the most beautiful dresses on the arm of SD’s, played that Pretty Woman scene when she goes shopping, etc….

I wish I had known the truth before joining, especially since I was so young.

Let me tell you this now: it’s not real. It’s not OUR reality. This is an example of a typical ‘upscale’ escort/sugar baby experience some will probably encounter at some point in their SW career.

Their reality: A sexy 18-29 year old in an even sexier dress hanging off of my arm. I can afford the caviar AND her. Every man in this bar is jealous, and trying to talk to her while I cop a feel of her ass. Another bottle of expensive champagne? Why not. She deserves to try the best. This is an incredible life.

Your reality: I’m in a foreign place where I don’t know anybody, wearing a dress that normally screams “rape bait” (at his request), with a man old enough to be my father, if not my grandfather. The host suspect I’m probably a “hooker” since I didn’t even know what the name of the reservation is under. This dress is making it difficult to breathe. Oh god, I need another drink of whatever it is in that bottle to get through another dinner where he’s trying to drunkenly fondle me under the table. I have to smile sweetly. Need to repeatedly remind myself to ignore the sneering glances from the waiters.

His reality later that night: I can’t wait to show her the top-floor suite of this place with the beautiful view. I even had my assistant go pick up some nice sets of lingerie from the store she mentioned she likes. I already made sure the rest of her envelope with her gift/donation is ready with her name on it. I’ll get the candles lit, have another bottle of wine sent up, and romantic music to top it all off. It’s gonna be a night of romance and passion with a beautiful girl. God, she’s gorgeous.

Your reality later that night: This view would be beautiful if it weren’t for the 50 year old behind me, nibbling his dry lips on my ear while I’m trying to enjoy the ambience. At least my rent money is in that envelope with a random name on it. He hands me a bag from Victoria Secret. I have to pretend to be super excited to get try on see-through lace for an old man now. He takes off his shirt, it’s just a forest of white hair and wrinkly skin. Next to the candle lighter, I see the magic blue pills. This is going to be a VERY long night.

Next day reality for him: I think I have enough time for room service before my flight. I’ll see if I can call the other SW from that other town to arrange another rendezvous for when I’m done with work. I should probably order two dozen roses, delivered to my wife so she knows I’m thinking of her. Note to self, call assistant to order roses and withdraw more cash. Oh wait, what’s that girl in my hotel room right now called? Ashley? Sarah? I’ll leave her a few hundred dollars as tip, save her number and I’ll call her again when I’m in town. I’m glad she really enjoyed the sex. She deserves it from all those times with unattractive and gross clients. At 54, I still got it.

Next day reality for you: Fuck, I have no idea how to get back to my own town without using all of the money he gave me for fare. My rent is due tomorrow, and tuition is due next month. I still have a client in 5 hours, my paper is due tomorrow but I haven’t even started. I have the worst hangover ever. At least I don’t remember much from last night, except his sandpaper tongue running all over my body. I shivered, but thankfully I fake moaned so it sounded like I was enjoying it.

Moral of this post: Don’t join the industry based on the glamorous lifestyle of the CLIENTS. Many of the blogs I see paint the image seen through HIS (the client) eyes, not YOURS (the service provider).

When your service is over, you turn back into a normal girl; back to grocery nights at Ralph’s, back to yelping the cheapest nail salon place, back to having fun with friends playing beer pong, back to being “Sarah or Ashley” because you have bills. Part of your service is renting you as a prop for their lifestyle. Never confuse that with YOUR lifestyle. ‘Vacationing’ in Cabo with him is NOT the same as doing so at your leisure with your friends.

If you still don’t quite understand what I’m saying, let me put it this way; bedazzled French pedicures are beautiful, right? You love being pampered in that massage chair, getting massaged, and ending up with a gorgeous pedicure. It’s stunning and glamorous experience, no?

Guess what. Not from the perspective of the pedicurist scrubbing your feet. There’s nothing glamorous about it for her because whereas she’s the service PROVIDER, YOU are the CLIENT. Same situation, very different experience.

This is something many of us learned the hard way. Yes, this lifestyle can come with many glamorous perks and experiences but there’s definitely a price to pay. Don’t be delusional. If this was all that easy, don’t you think every female on this planet would be in the industry?

After several years of experience I’ve learned to be immune to the ‘wrappings’ of the industry. You are here to make money. All those Roseshire roses, expensive dinners, fancy car rides, delicate lingerie are for HIS fantasy, and does very little for YOUR wallet. Don’t be blind sighted by the fancy tricks he pulls because it isn’t tangible. Never lose sight of your 'paycheck’. Once you see this lifestyle as what it truly is - a job; you become far less naive and more focused on your goals.

Always remember: There’s a price to pay for money.

Stay safe, ladies. 💸💸💸

Masterlist (Vol. 2)

Finally here is volume 2 of my mobile master list! I just wanted to thank you guys so much for everything, every single note, reblog and follow means the absolute world to me! Anyway enjoy and remember your feedback on any of my fics is always appreciated!

—————————————————————————————

Imagines-

High School AU
Introduction
Part 1 (Sweet Memories)

Steve Rogers (Captain America)- Total: 17
Over A Coffee Cup- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Amazed By You
Shock Confession- Part 1, Part 2
Similar Smiles- Part 1, Part 2
Who Told You?- Part 1, Part 2
Beautiful Soul
A Shy Situation
Nothing Like Her
Forever And Always
Senior Discount
Possibility- Part 1, Part 2
Somewhere Only We Know- Part 1, Part 2
Fallen
In Love- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
We Start Over- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11
In The Rain (Wanda Maximoff Award)
Best Mother Ever (Sam Wilson Award)

Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier)- Total: 23
The Winter Guardian (Teaser)
We Must Be Killers
Who Do You Think You Are- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Definitely A Stark
Well This Is Awkward- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Dance With Me
Too Cute- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Keep Your Eyes On Me
Half Alive- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
American Beauty/American Psycho- Part 1, Part 2
Playmates
Taken From You
Brotherly Love
Jealousy
Scared
Can’t Believe
Demons
Comfort
Good For Me (Bucky Barnes Award)
A Little Bit Of Culture (Steve Rogers Award)
Stranded (Natasha Romanoff Award)
Saving You (T’Challa Award)
Don’t Touch Her (Wade Wilson Award)

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver)- Total: 6
Really?
You Little Tease
Stray
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 1
Fallen
Freak

Sam Wilson (Falcon)- Total: 1
Cut It Out

Clint Barton (Hawkeye)- Total: 3
Little Details
Nesting
Mistakes

Tony Stark (Iron Man)- Total: 2
You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me
I Think I Love You (By Katie James)

Thor Odinson- Total: 3
Thunder Buddies
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 1
Rainy Day (Peter Parker Award)

Loki Laufeyson- Total: 2
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 3
What?

Vision- Total: 2
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 4
Understanding Love (Clint Barton Award)

Peter Parker (Spider-Man)- Total: 2
Make Me
The Biggest Fanboy (Pietro Maximoff Award)

Howard Stark- Total: 1
Lost In War

Matt Murdock (Daredevil)- Total: 1
The Name’s Matt (By Katie James)

Johnny Storm (Human Torch)- Total: 1
Crash Landing- Part 1, Part 2

Dave Lizewski (Kick Ass)- Total: 1
You Had Me At Hello- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Phan (Dan x Phil)- Total: 1
New Year, New Chapter (By Katie James)

Severus Snape (Harry Potter- Total: 1
Always (By Katie James)

Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead)- Total: 1
Scars (By Katie James)

—————————————————————————————

Drabbles-

Steve Rogers (Captain America)- Total: 33
Fight
Betrayed
She did the unthinkable and escaped.
He was seduced by the possibilities.
“Are you hitting on her for me?”
“The way you flirt is shameful.”
“Oh my god! You’re in love with him!”
“I’m flirting with you.”
“Well… don’t keep me waiting.”
“I can’t explain right now, but I really need you to trust me.”
“I may despise you with the burning hot intensity of the sun, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
“If you die, I’m going to kill you!”
“Have you lost your damn mind!?”
“Oh you beautiful weirdo!”
“I’m missing something here, aren’t I?”
“How can you be so resentful?”
“Please just back the fuck off!”
“Aren’t you a bit… not… qualified?”
“You’re so small!”
“It killed me to see you with him.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
“Your eyes are like stars.”
“Cuddle?”
“We’re not buying a dog.”
“It never gets easier.”
“Yell, scream, say something!”
“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it!”
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“I wish I could hate you.”
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“I love you, you asshole!”
“Come home with me.”
“I know this song.”

Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier)- Total: 30
Mega Prompt Challenge
Fight
Trust
Guilt
Light
Regret
Stood up to them, regretted it.
“Oh you beautiful weirdo!”
“IF YOU USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO BAN YOU TO THE COUCH FOR A MONTH.”
“I think we should have another.”
“Do you think it’s possible that I…might be…pregnant?”
“Please, don’t turn him away again!”
“Please just back the fuck off!”
“If you’d ever show up, yes.”
“Your eyes are like the stars/”
“It killed me to see you with him.”
“Hello gorgeous, do I know you?”
“Don’t try, I’m not worth it.”
“You taste like heaven.”
“When’s the last time I said I love you?”
“I thought I could manage. I can’t. Not without you. Not ever, like that.”
“Suck my nonexistent dick!”
“I am in deeeeep shit!”
“Come home with me.”
“I can explain this.”
“I’d rather caress my asshole with a chainsaw.”
“Come home with me.”
“Don’t you ever do that again!”
“SO… you think I’m hot?”
“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver)- Total: 17
Stood up to them, regretted it.
She did the unthinkable, and escaped.
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“A boy needs his father.”
“We accidentally got married in Vegas oops.”
“I waxed the floors, grab your fluffy socks!”
“Do you think it’s possible that I… might be pregnant?”
“If you die, I’m gonna kill you!”
“Please just back the fuck off!”
“He’s not agitated, he’s a jerk!”
“I can’t breathe.”
“Don’t touch me!”
“Hey. I’m with you, okay? Always.”
“Oh my god! You’re in love with him/her!”
“Suck my nonexistent dick!”
“I don’t know where she gets it from.”
“SO… you think I’m hot?”

Sam Wilson (Falcon)- Total: 2
“I’m missing something here, aren’t I?”
“You’re so cute!!!”

Clint Barton (Hawkeye)- Total: 5
“Your eyes are like stars.”
“Hello gorgeous, do I know you?”
“I am in deeeeep shit!”
“Suck my nonexistent dick!”
“I can explain this.”

Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow)- Total: 6
Betrayed
“Are you hitting on her for me?”
“Will you please just give me a hand?”
“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”
“Take my hand.”
“Where were you?”

Tony Stark (Iron Man)- Total: 4
Kiss
“Have you lost your damn mind?”
“You’re so small!”
“I’m in this for life.”

Bruce Banner (Hulk)- Total: 1
“I miss you.”

Thor Odinson- Total: 4
Sleep
“Your eyes are like stars.”
“We’re not buying a dog.”
“You’re so small!”

Loki Laufeyson- Total: 5
Regret
Survive
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
“Use your words.”
“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

Peter Parker- Total: 3
“I can arrange that.”
“How about if we-” “NO!”
“I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you were doing wasn’t fair.” 

pretty boy ☾ peter parker

summary : you think peter is very pretty, and your duty as his girlfriend is to tell him every chance you get.

wc : 1.4k 

  Peter Parker has freckles. They’re countless in amount and infinitesimal in size, but they’re spread across his sloped nose, his cheeks, and some of them are scattered across his shoulders from the days he spends at Rockaway Beach in the summertime sun not because he likes the beach, but because you do and you drag him there almost every day throughout July. He doesn’t mind. He can’t have you taking the train there alone, and he’d rather spend time with you in the sweltering heat than leave you by yourself. If you’re sitting close enough, the way you are right in this moment, you can count each one of those stars on his cheeks and play connect the dots with a ballpoint pen, if he’d let you. He most likely would. Peter would let you get away with anything. If you were to try to kiss each individual freckle that was settled there on his skin you’d be pressing your lips to his cheeks for hours on end. He’d like to see you try such a thing. 

   Peter Parker also has the sweetest brown eyes you’ve ever had the pleasure of gazing into. They were warm and kind and they felt like home whenever he turned them on you in that loving way he held. You love the way he looks at you, often and bright with happiness. You haven’t stopped looking at him since you started all those months ago, you couldn’t anticipate a time when you would. He doesn’t mind the permanent way his eyes settle on you, but it’s the way you’re always looking at him that makes him blush and turn his face away. He’s not much to look at, in his opinion. 

    He whines a little when he catches your eye again, trained on him like a reflex once again. His face glows a red the color of a ripe strawberry as he spins around in his chair and stares at the peeling cover of his science notebook. “What’s wrong, pretty boy?” You grinned when he flushed a deeper shade of crimson, still evading the smile that crept across your face. 

   “Y/N,” he whines once more, the heat creeping up toward the tips of his ears. He turns toward you, holding his cheek in his hand and keeping his elbow propped up on the swivel chair. “You know I get all,” he squirmed around in his chair, “flustered when you call me that.” The admittance came with a great reluctancy on his part, but it only made you smile more as you walked across the room and cleared away the clutter of his desk, taking a seat there so you could continue your study in Peter Parker. “I’m not pretty.” 

    “Shhh,” you chastised, using your foot to spin him back around. “You’re very pretty, Peter.” He stretches out his hand, waiting for you to grab it and hold it as careful as always. He presses a kiss to your knuckles whenever you hold his hand, he knows you think it’s the sweetest thing ever and that every single time he does it, you swoon like it’s your first date all over again. He’s big on holding hands. It’s intimate without being too much, and the teachers can’t really scold him for holding your hand the way they can for kissing you against the lockers when you both think no one is around. Still, he kisses your hand, and you close your eyes, smiling shyly. Then, you say, “How’d I get the sweetest, prettiest boy in the universe to be mine?” 

   “Oh, god,” he takes his hand out of yours and covers his cheeks with them, feeling the warmth of his skin against his palms and squeezing his eyes shut. He can’t believe what you’ve made him. A blushing mess undone the moment you call him pretty, sweet, yours. “Feel my cheek,” he demanded, grabbing your wrist and pressing your palm to his face. You laugh. 

   “You’re burning up, babe,” you say, patting his cheek. “I can’t help it. I have to compliment you. All the time. Every hour of every day.” You tap a finger against his cute nose. 

   “I would compliment you but every time I try you swoop in and render my speech incoherent with that little nickname you have for me,” he kept his fist against his cheek as he stared up at you, your legs dangling off his desk as you extend your hands out for him. He takes them, presses them to his cheek. 

   “What nickname?” You question innocently. “Oh, oh, oh, I know which one. Pretty boy.” You held his scrunched up in embarrassment face in your hands, squishing his cheeks. “So pretty.” 

    “I’m gonna spontaneously combust.” The words came out muffled because of the position his face was in, but if he were being honest, he could feel himself light up every time you said he was pretty, as amusing as the word was to him. Even if he doesn’t think he’s much- anything, really- to be fond of, he’s happy, so happy, that you disagree. 

   You call him pretty boy every chance you get. You seize the opportunity with pride, throwing a wink his direction when you can because he has the dopiest little smile on his face for the rest of the day even if he feigns irritation in the moment. 

     You greet him every morning outside his apartment building with a cup of coffee in your outstretched hand and a sweet smile curling at your lips and a, “Morning, my pretty boy,” and Peter starts his school day with a blush, his arm around the shoulders of the girl that he loves. You lean up to kiss the corner of his mouth. He’s invincible. 

    Then, you see him in chemistry class, goggles strapped to your face and a stupid apron around your neck. His heart still stops when he sees you. You slide in the seat between him and Ned, pulling at his goggle strap before it snaps back to his head as gentle as you can manage. “Did you finish the lab conclusion, pretty boy? I’m stuck on the last sent- Ned what happened to him?” You turned to the other boy, eyebrows raised in confusion because Peter is motionless and the redness is spreading all over his neck. 

   “You called him pretty again,” Ned replied, stretching his hand across the table and waving it in front of Peter’s face. “He’s probably just offended that you didn’t greet me with a compliment.” 

   “C’mon, Ned, you know I think you’re gorgeous.” 

   “I’m actually not deaf, guys.” Peter nudged you playfully, rubbing his cheeks with the sleeves of his gray sweater. You ruffle his honey hair. 

  “We know,” you answered. “Ned’s stunning, obviously-” Ned grins at this- “but you’re forever the only pretty boy for me.” Peter scrunches his nose up. Then, he takes off his goggles, placing them next to the looseleaf paper that has his neatly compiled lab report scrawled over the page. He leans forward, scooting his chair close to you so he can remove your goggles, too. He takes your face in his hands and kisses you quick. He’d put more passion into it if the teacher wasn’t standing across the room, looking for any excuse to separate the two of you. Every teacher was the same. He pulls back after a second, his hands lingering on your cheeks when he gazes at you. 

   “I love you, you beautiful and lovely and wonderful girl of mine.” Triumphantly, he removes his hands and places them back down on the desk. He catches it before you turn away toward Ned, and for a brief and fleeting moment, it’s there on your cheeks. “Oh, oh, what’s that I see? Is that a blush?” He jumps around to Ned’s spot, a stupid, prideful grin on his face as he savors the moment for himself, commits the pretty sight to memory. “Pretty girl, are you blushing?” He pressed his hands to against your face, pinching your cheek gently, lovingly. You punched him in the arm, a warning behind your eyes, but Peter didn’t care in the slightest. 

   “Yes, you big idiot,” you mumbled. “Happy now?” 

   “Oh, I’m very happy.” 

   “I hate you.” 

   “Do you really?” Peter raised his eyebrows, resting his palms against your shoulders and rubbing his thumb along the place where your collarbone peeked out of your shirt. 

   “Of course not,” you said, a grumble in your tone. “I love you and your pretty boy face, sweet little freckles and all.” You poked a couple of his freckles and kissed the one by his mouth. Peter sighed, still smiling brightly because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t pretend to be annoyed at you when you called him that name. He’d wear it with like a badge of honor, grateful for it. He had an effortlessly gorgeous love that thought he was the prettiest thing she had ever laid her eyes on, so what more could he ask for? 

Penelope & Derek’s Matchmaking Service

Originally posted by theonewiththevows

Prompt: The reader and Reid both have a crush on the other person but are too scared of ruining their friendship to tell the other person. Penelope decided to give them a little push and drags Derek into her mischevious scheme.

A/N: This was an idea that popped into my head because I could definitely see Morgan and Garcia meddling in their coworkers love lives. I’m not opposed to making a part two of this, so let me know if that’s something that you would want. Also, anyone who can catch the subtle F.R.I.E.N.D.S. reference that is in here somewhere is my favorite person ever. Enjoy :)

Note: (Y/F/C) = your favorite candy

Warning: nothing

Word Count: 3k

Rating: PG


Penelope sighed in frustration as she watched you and Spencer alternate staring at each other. It was almost painful the way that neither of you actually caught the other doing so. It was like some form of fate caused you to look away a second before Spencer decided to look up. Derek noticed her standing in the doorway. “Hey Baby Girl,” he called and walked over to her. She muttered a “hello” before huffing and crossing her arms. “Whoa whoa whoa, what’s the matter gorgeous? Those processing systems in that big brain of yours hung up on something?”

“How does it not drive you crazy?” she mumbled and Morgan raised an eyebrow at her. 

“How does what not drive me crazy?”

“The two of them!” she whisper-shouted and spun around walking off toward her lair. Derek rolled his eyes, but obediently followed her down the hall. 

“Gonna need a little more information sweetness,” he told her, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Oh c’mon, do I need to spell it out for you? (Y/N) and Spencer. The way those two are pining after each other it’s both sickening and sweet at the same time. I’m not even a profiler and I can tell that they are head over heels. I mean I know (Y/N) is because she told me one night when I got her super drunk with the intent of forcing the information out of her, but that is beside the point,” Penelope explained as she pulled up the bullpen’s security video feed and maneuvered the cameras so they were facing you and Spencer’s desks. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m people watching.”

“Do you do this all the time?” Morgan asked standing behind her chair.

“Only when we don’t have a case or anything else to do,” Penelope defended, “You would not believe how boring it gets in here and you people never come visit me!” 

“But why- you know what nevermind. Just please tell me that you don’t mess with the cameras in my office.”

“My vision, you are the object of my affection but for the most part my attentions have been focussed on my current OTP as you never do anything interesting in your office.”

“Forgive me for actually doing work instead of making googly eyes at my coworkers.”

“So you have noticed!”

“Of course I’ve noticed. The whole team has noticed. The only ones in the dark about it are the two of them,” Derek chuckled. Penelope smiled as she watched the two of you. You had gone over to ask Spencer something, but he had been so focused on his work you’d startled him and he’d almost spilled his coffee all over himself. 

“They are so cute,” she sighed, “Derek I want my OTP to be together!”

“Somehow I don’t think we get a vote or have the power to make that happen,” he replied, kissing the top of her head. Penelope suddenly perked up. 

“But what if we did?”

“What are you talking about?” he asked as she spun her chair around. 

“What if there was a way that we could force Reid’s hand and make him admit something or ask her out?”

“Baby Girl, Reid has specifically told me that he doesn’t want me messing with this. You think I haven’t tried to get him to make a move?”

“He told you that, but he never told me,” she chirped, turning back toward her computer and started typing away. She pulled up a website for custom floral arrangements and started clicking on various options. 

“What are you doing?”

“Creating something that all of you men hate. Competition,” she replied, patting the side of his face. A few more minutes of meddling the order had been placed, ready to be delivered tomorrow morning. 

“Why do I get the feeling I’m going to be the one he blames for this?” Derek sighed shaking his head. 

“Ha, do not worry my vision. If all goes bad, we pretend like it never happened,” Penelope told him.


You walked into the bullpen the next morning smiling happily as you carried two cups of coffee. You glanced around looking for Spencer, before nonchalantly setting one of the cups down on his desk and arranged the mountain of sugar packets you’d also brought into an orderly pile. You quickly scurried back to your desk and sat down, trying to look casual as you waited for Spencer to arrive. “No coffee for the rest of us, I’m genuinely hurt,” Derek teased, as he sat down on your desk.

“Hey, the only order I remember is Spence’s because it’s the easiest thing ever: a large black coffee and then just bring the whole container of sugar to him,” you replied trying to casually look around him. 

“Uh huh,” Morgan muttered, clearly unconvinced. 

“Good morning,” Reid said as he walked over to his desk past the two of you. 

“Hi, Spencer,” you chirped, “I stopped for coffee this morning and brought you some.”

“Thank you so much, you would not believe the morning I’ve had. How much do I owe you?”

“Don’t worry about it,” you replied tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“Well, thank you. Did you know that coffee was banned three times in three different cultures: once in Mecca in the 16th century, once when Charles II in Europe banned the drink in an attempt to quiet an ongoing revolution, and once when Frederick the Great banned coffee in Germany in 1677 because he was concerned people were spending too much money on the drink,” he rambled. You smiled and shoved Morgan off of your desk, so you could actually see Spencer. 

“Well, I didn’t know that, but I do know that banning coffee should be a crime,” you giggled. Reid smiled back at you and opened his mouth to say something but suddenly went pale. “What’s-”

“I have a delivery for a Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” a man said cutting you off. 

“That would be me,” you replied, turning around. “What can..I..do..” you stuttered as you came face to face with a huge vase of lilies and red roses. 

“Sign here please,” the delivery man said, handing you a clipboard and setting the vase down on your desk. You scribbled your signature down on the form and handed it back to the man. “Have a nice day,” he said walking away. 

“Yeah, you too,” you muttered still too focussed on your flowers. 

“Oh my god, those are gorgeous,” JJ mentioned as she walked over to your desk. 

“Who are they from?” Emily asked, joining the two of you.

“I have no idea,” you replied, pulling the card off the side of the vase. 

“Read it,” JJ urged leaning in closer. None of you noticed that Spencer had unconsciously leaned closer to the group as well trying to listen. 

“Nothing can ever compare to your beauty, but these flowers are certainly a nice way to compliment it. I hope these make that lovely smile of yours appear on your face, signed your secret admirer,” you read out loud and closed the card. 

“Oooh, this is interesting,” Emily said nudging your shoulder. 

“Any idea who it could be?” JJ asked. 

“Not a clue,” you replied, sitting back down in your chair, “I’m not seeing anyone and no one has asked me out recently.”

“Anyone who you hope it is?” 

“Yeah, but considering he hasn’t shown the slightest sign of interest I’m pretty sure it isn’t him,” you mumbled. Unbeknownst to you, Spencer had wandered away into the break room fuming. This happened every time he’d finally work up the courage to ask you out on a date or flirt with you at all something would happen. Morgan would come interrupt,  Hotch would suddenly announce that you had a case, or in this case, some jerk would write you poetry and send you flowers. He downed the rest of the coffee that you had bought him and started making another cup. 

“You ok, Pretty Boy?” Derek asked watching Spencer stir the coffee quite angrily. 

“Just peachy,” Spencer growled. 

“Ya know, you could just ask her out. (Y/N) has no idea who sent her those flowers,” Derek casually mentioned. 

“Ha yeah right, I’m reasonably certain she’d rather have fancy flower man whoever he is,” he grumbled. 

“Fancy flower man? Really Reid, that’s the best you can come up with?” Derek asked trying not to laugh. 

“I have plenty of other vulgar things I could call him so don’t push it.”

“Hey, I’m not the one encroaching on your girl, but I would recommend you do something about it before you loose her to fancy flower man.”

“You think I should what?”

“Well, you’re her friend. I’m pretty sure you can find a way to top the giant array of flowers that he sent her.”

“I definitely could,” Spencer muttered, deep in thought, “I need to get to work but first I’m going to get Garcia to figure out who sent those to her.”

“Uh,” Derek stuttered, trying to come up with a way to divert him, “Why does it matter who it is? You should be more concerned with your plan to woo her, you can worry about who it was later.”

“You’re right. I’m going to take my lunch early. I need to go get a few things,” Spencer said and quickly rushed back to his desk to grab his wallet. Derek sighed in relief, happy that he’d managed to redirect Reid’s thought process, and made himself a cup of coffee. Your sudden presence in the break room caught his attention. “And where are you going lady of the hour?” he asked sipping his coffee.

“I’m grabbing another sugar for my coffee and then I’m going to get Garcia to find out who this admirer person is.” Derek did a spit take and started coughing. “Whoa, you ok?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. But maybe you should just let this play out? See if he reveals himself to you?”

“Derek, I just want to know who it is so I can tell him I’m not interested. There’s only one guy who’s attention I want and he seems to not really care.”

“Sweetness, Reid is a great guy just a little awkward and shy when it comes to ladies, you might try being a bit more obvious about it,” he teased. You furrowed your brow and slowly turned your head toward him. 

“How did you know I have a crush on Spencer?”

“I’m a profiler and I’m really good at my job.” Derek replied.

“Yeah sometimes I forget what we do for a living.”

“And the fact that Penelope can’t keep her mouth shut,” he muttered quietly to himself. Just not quiet enough.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing!”

“I’m going to kill her!” you growled and stormed off toward Penelope’s office. 

“No no no, wait!” Derek shouted as he chased after you. You tore the door open and walked in. 

“Hello my lovely, what can I do for you today?” Penelope chirped. You narrowed your eyes at her before flicking her on the side of the head. 

“OW!” she shrieked. “What was that for?” 

“I cannot believe you told Derek that I like Spencer. I told you that in confidence and you swore you wouldn’t tell another soul,” you fumed.

“Technically you told me that while you were drunk.”

“Same thing!”

“But you know I tell my chocolate thunder everything, so you should’ve expected this.”

“Ugh, my life is over,” you whined. “Spencer is still acting weird and now some stranger has sent me flowers. Can you make yourself useful and tell me who sent those at least?”

“I take offense to that comment!”

“Who told shared a secret that she swore she would take to the grave?”

“Fine,” she muttered, “but I already know who sent them. I looked it up earlier.”

“Then who is it?”

“It’s uh, Brian in payroll,” 

“Brian in payroll?”

“Mhm,” she mumbled, twisting a piece of hair around her finger.

“Uh huh, does Brian in payroll have a last name?” you asked crossing your arms.

“Yes, yes he definitely does.”

“Yeah? What it is then?”

“Well, I can tell you that it is most certainly not Morgan or Garcia.”

“Penelope,” you groaned. “Why would you do that?”

“I’m just trying to spice it up, you know force our dearest doctor’s hand.”

“Yes and in doing that you’ve managed to scare him. He took off fifteen minutes ago,” you grumbled flopping down in the chair beside her. 

“Aw, sweets it’s gonna be ok.”

“My life is over.”

“Hey look on the bright side, at least you got some bitchin flowers,” she said trying to lighten the mood. You lifted your head and glared at her.

“Not funny.” 

“(Y/N), you need to get back to your desk and take a look at this,” Derek said as he walked into Penelope’s office.

“And you! You knew she was going to do this and you didn’t stop her,” you growled and stalked over to him, poking his chest. 

“As upset as you are right now, I really think you should just go back to your desk. You might like what you find,” Derek replied pushing your hand away. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“If this is another part of this BS plan you two have going on, I’m going to kill you both,” you grumbled, stalking down the hallway. 

“What are you doing?” Penelope whispered at Derek, as they followed you. 

“Just watch,” he replied with a smug look on his face. You were expecting to see yet another bouquet of flowers that the two of them had sent to you, but you certainly weren’t expecting this. Your desk was scattered with various pieces of paper and rose petals. A large white teddy bear was sitting in your chair with a bouquet of gardenias nestled in its arms and a bag of (Y/F/C) tucked in beside it. You stood rooted in place out of surprise until Derek gave you a slight nudge. You walked forward and picked up one of the pieces of paper. You smiled as you recognized Spencer’s handwriting and started reading. It was a poem by Christina Rossetti, one of your favorites actually “I loved you first”. You had talked about this with Spencer months ago, when you both discovered your shared love of poetry. From the looks of it, he had managed to write down all of your favorite poems on these little notes (probably including a few of his own favorites) and put them all over your desk. You plucked the bouquet of gardenias out of the bear’s arms and smelled them. 

“Red roses traditionally symbolize love and passion while gardenias’ symbolize pure, secret love which more accurately displays how I feel about you,” Spencer mumbled from behind you. You immediately spun around and dropped the bouquet back in your chair, before throwing your arms around his neck and crashing your lips into his. He seemed to be stunned for a few seconds, before kissing you back and wrapping his arms around your waist. Hoots and hollers came from all around the office, mainly from Penelope and Emily. You separated a little breathlessly and rested your forehead against his. The pair of you were smiling from ear to ear. “Please tell me this isn’t a dream,” he muttered closing his eyes. 

“Nope,” you replied popping the “p”, “I’m real.”

“So I take it you like me too or else I think you’ve been sending some very mixed signals.” You chuckled and kissed him again. 

“Does that answer your question?” you asked, after you’d pulled back. 

“I think it does, and to think I had a whole speech planned out to make you at least go on one date with me,” he replied scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. You just shook your head and smiled at him.

“That’s so sweet, but how on earth did you have time to set this up? I couldn’t have been gone more than fifteen minutes,” you said, turning slightly to look at your desk,

“14 minutes and 23 seconds actually, but I’ve had the notes sitting in my bag for about a week now,” he told you. 

“Ok, that’s enough, back to work all of you,” Hotch said, commotion having finally drawn him out of his office. There was a collective “sorry” muttered from around the office, before Hotch turned his attention to the two of you. “Do we need to have a conversation or can I trust that this isn’t going to affect work?”

“I think we’re good,” you answered. 

“Good, now I need to call Dave and inform him that he owes me twenty bucks as do the two of you,” Hotch chuckled motioning JJ and Emily. The two women groaned slightly before reaching for their purses. 

“Wait, what?” Spencer asked raising an eyebrow, keeping his arms wrapped around your waist. 

“To make a long story short, we started a pool going for how long it would take the two of you to get together after three months of watching the two of you flirt. I had yesterday, Hotch had today, Rossi had tomorrow, and JJ had next Monday,” Emily explained as she walked up the stairs and handed the money to Hotch, who gladly pocketed it and went back in his office to presumably call Rossi who was off on vacation time. 

“I cannot believe this! How many people in this office are invloved in our love lives?” you cried in frustration, even though you were smiling. 

“Wait, who else is involved in our love life?” Spencer asked, looking down at you confused. 

“And that’s our cue to run chocolate thunder,” Penelope muttered, as she took off running dragging Derek along behind her. You shook your head and laughed, all irritation suddenly vanishing. 

“Wonder what that was about,” Reid thought out loud, as you unwound from his arms and moved all his gifts out of your chair. 

“Don’t worry about it, just remind me to tell Brian from payroll to send her some flowers,” you told him. He looked very confused but just shrugged and kissed your forehead. You grinned up at him, knowing that this was the start of one of the best times in your life. 

2

Mind Reader

Characters: Dean x Reader

Warnings: angst adjacent, smut, dirty talk, LOTS of language

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: I was looking through some REALLY old requests and I came across an idea from @jennalyncarrigan1230 from who knows how long ago. She pitched an idea that I have twisted and LOVE the outcome. I doubt she even remembers sending the ask, but her initial idea sparked this smutty goodness. This took on a life of its own. I haven’t wrote Dean smut or ANY smut in quite some time. This is officially DIRTY. Or at least by my standards it is. Hope you enjoy. ;) Italics & Bold indicate reader’s thoughts.  This has very little plot. Just the poor reader thinking her secret dirty thoughts about Dean only to have them be not so secret anymore.

Feedback Appreciated

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Never forget that Marianne faced the Fairy equivalent of a freaking dragon

and scared it off so much with her own ferocious display that it immediately backed down and retreated with a whimper.  

She then went on to both lecture and comfort her sister, pull Sunny out of the Dark Forest, came back from a legit traumatic flashback of said Forest to once again lecture and care for her sister, and then, as a grand finale, told her fuckboy of an ex-fiancé just where he could put his song-and-dance attempt of a gas lighting faux-apology by singing her own more superior song. 

This has been a casual reminder that not only could your Fairy Princess never, our Fairy Princess did and she was a beautiful badass doing so.  

Originally posted by ive-been-mistreated

WHO ELSE WAS LITERALLY GASPING FOR McFUCKING AIR DURING ELIZABETH AND WILL’S REUNION BECAUSE I WAS ABOUT TO PASS OUT

anonymous asked:

okay J, now that the writers queerbaited the fuck outta us, it's time for you to work your magic and give us a longer version of the "belated valentine's day prom". PLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEE

A continuation of this – http://queergirlwriting.tumblr.com/post/157525909609/man-i-would-fucking-love-to-get-a-scene-where-kara

She calls it a pet peeve. But it’s not.

It’s a trauma.

She calls it a pet peeve. But it’s not.

It’s a need.

It’s a need because she was fourteen and high school was amazing because Eliza held her hand and Eliza snuck her dad’s cigarettes down from the house and they crawled into the bathroom of the basement and giggled, their lips so close – Eliza’s lips looking so soft – as they blew the smoke out of the small vent so Eliza’s parents wouldn’t catch them.

But it wasn’t the smoke that Eliza’s parents caught.

It was the card.

The card, the card, the card.

The fucking valentine’s day card.

The betrayal that ended everything.

Because her father called her downstairs with the phone still in his hand and her father smacked her across the face with the back of that hand and her father gave her ten minutes to pack her things and to get out of his house and to never come back because she is filthy and she is ungrateful and she is selfish and she is wrong, and her mother cried but her mother didn’t stop him, and her face stung and her heart stung worse and her hands trembled but her face stayed dry because she would never give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her break for being who she is.

She calls it a pet peeve. Needing to be heard.

Because Eliza didn’t hear her. Her father didn’t hear her. None of her exes had ever heard her.

She calls it a pet peeve because no one has ever loved her enough to let her call it trauma.

Until Alex Danvers, that is.

Because she leaves Alex a card: she leaves Alex a card, and Alex will not give it to her parents. She gives Alex a card, and Alex will do nothing but love her back.

Or she hopes.

She’s probably stupid for hoping. But she hopes anyway.

James and J’onn help her with the set-up, and Winn whips together the dress at the last minute before running off on his own valentine’s excursion. James kisses her cheek before he leaves, as 8 o’clock approaches, and J’onn puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Alex cares for you, Maggie. Just as you are. Let her hold you up when you need it. You deserve that. You do. I promise.”

She gulps and she nods and J’onn squeezes her shoulder.

“He’s right, Maggie,” James tells her before giving the room one last glance. “It looks beautiful. And so do you.”

Maggie grimaces a smile at them, and they understand that she’s too nervous to speak, that she’s too terrified to move. They smile at her before they leave, and she hangs onto the hope that these people, these beautiful people, will still love her after tonight.

She doesn’t know how long she waits for Alex, because she can’t think. She can’t do anything but try to swallow her panic, surrounded by red helium balloons and candlelight and all the things that reminded her of the bruise her father left on her face and the welts he left on her heart.

She can’t do anything but try to focus on Alex, Alex, Alex. On hoping that Alex will be different.

This is a relationship, Alex had insisted. And it’s that statement, Alex fighting for her, for them, that is keeping Maggie holding on.

“Wow, you’re breathtaking,” she says when Alex walks in, because god, god, god, she is.

“Maggie, what is all this?”

Alex’s voice trembles slightly as she asks, and somehow, that warms the protective steel around Maggie’s heart. She smiles slightly, her voice softer now.

“It’s your belated Valentine’s Day prom.” She reaches for the corsage and sends James a silent thank you for running to the florist and picking up exactly what Maggie had described.

“May I?” she asks, and her body tingles with relief as her fingertips touch Alex’s wrist.

Alex exhales hard, exhales shakily, and steps around Maggie, and the back of the dress – god, thank you, Winn Schott – takes Maggie’s breath away. Again.

“I’m sorry. So sorry. I was too busy nursing my own wounds, and I forgot to look at the gorgeous woman in front of me and consider her feelings. You deserved all of this, as a girl. The pomp and the fuss. And you deserve an amazing romance with a woman who is absolutely crazy about you.”

She tilts her head and she stares up at Alex, because Alex is perfection, and Alex’s hands are warm in hers, and Alex makes the color red on Valentine’s Day a little less terrible, a little less traumatic.

But Alex is shaking her head and Alex is reaching her fingers up to run them through Maggie’s hair, to stroke her cheeks, to fuss with her blazer’s collar.

Maggie’s heart sinks and she starts panicking, she starts hyperventilating, but then Alex is talking, and Maggie wants to cry for an entirely different reason.

“Maggie, I… you deserve this. The pomp and the fuss. An amazing romance with a woman who is absolutely crazy about you. And I’m absolutely crazy about you. And that… that means… Maggie, that means you don’t have to make it all about me, all the time. I love that you… I love that you thought about me, I love that you did all this, but Maggie, you…”

She stops and she stares down at Maggie’s wet eyes for a long moment, and there’s nothing but unguarded love in her eyes, and no one has ever existed but the two of them.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You didn’t do anything wrong. Maggie, I… I heard you. I heard everything you said. And because I heard you, I… I don’t want you to just shove all that back down to make everything about me. Again. You did it while I was coming out, and I get it, and you’re so sweet, Maggie, but I don’t… I don’t want you putting yourself second for me, not anymore. I don’t want you burying your pain, your… trauma, Maggie, you were a child, that was traumatic, I… I want you, Maggie.”

She brings her fingers to a lips and kisses them, one by one, slowly, deliberately, all while keeping her eyes locked in Maggie’s, before she continues.

“All of you. And this is beautiful, this is amazing, but Maggie, I want you to feel able to just… to vent, and to scream, and to lose your cool, to cry. With me. Because I want you, Maggie, I care about you, not… not just what you can do for me. You letting me in, you letting me care for you, letting me comfort you? That’s the greatest gift you could ever give me, Maggie. You… you letting me love you.”

Alex stumbles to a halt and Maggie’s breath hitches as they both realize what Alex said, as they both lose themselves in each other’s eyes, in each other’s hands, in each other’s hearts.

“Danvers, you – Alex, I – “

Alex shakes her head with closed eyes. “You don’t have to say anything. I just… I want you to know that you’re cared for. That you’re safe. That you’re allowed to put yourself first, that I want you to put yourself first. That you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. That you’re perfect. That I l…”

She stares down at Maggie’s wide eyes and she licks her lips and she is Alex Danvers, dammit, so she dives.

“That I love you. Maggie Sawyer. All of you. And I just want you to let me love you, let me care for you, let me be here for you. Let me love you.”

Maggie takes one breath, and then another, and then one word escapes her lips.

The only word that matters in the entire multiverse.

Alex.”

And her hands are on the small of Alex’s bare back and Alex’s hands are tangling in her hair, cupping her face, her thumbs swiping across her cheeks, and Alex’s lips are soft and Alex’s lips are healing and Alex’s lips are heaven, and she’s never cried while she kissed anyone, she’s never cried in front of anyone without running out the door before the first tear could fall, but she’s crying now, and Alex is catching her tears with her thumbs and kissing them away with her lips, but Maggie doesn’t want Alex’s lips on her cheeks, her eyes – she does, she does, but later, later, because there will be a later, because Alex went to the dance with her, Alex didn’t give her note to her parents, Alex came to the dance with her and Alex is kissing her and Alex is holding her and Alex, Alex, Alex  – Maggie just wants, right now, Alex’s lips on her own, and she shifts, and Alex knows, because Alex knows her, and Maggie’s lips are parting and Alex is slipping her tongue in her mouth gently, gently, lovingly, and Maggie sighs into their kiss and Alex echoes it and their breathe, their heartbeats, their bodies, are indistinguishable as their bodies sway to music and to swaying lights and to the rhythm of their perfect kiss.

“I love you back, Alex Danvers,” Maggie’s whispering into her lips, and the tears dripping salt onto her lips are suddenly not only her own, and she pulls back, because Alex Danvers crying is heartbreaking, and Alex Danvers crying is beautiful.

Their chests are both heaving slightly and their lips are swollen and their bodies are flush against each other and their bodies are intertwined and their eyes refuse to leave each others.

“May I have this dance?” Alex asks her breathlessly, and Maggie smiles helplessly, because she knows her life will never be the same.

Because she knows that Alex means it when she says she loves her, and god, god, god does it feel good to be loved – and to love – like this.

Cure (intro)

Bucky Barnes x reader 

Notes: trigger warnings! Implications of sexual abuse, mentions of torture, swearing, injuries, memory loss, recuperating, fluff, angst and obviously, eventually: smut. 

Summary: Bucky comes back from a mission, not remembering who he is or who anyone else is. He doesn’t remember Steve, Natasha or the woman he loves. She does immediately catch his eye, though. He thinks she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, and he’s not afraid to say it in front of people he doesn’t know anyway. What does he have to lose? As far as he knows, he has nothing. On top of being somewhere he doesn’t remember ever being and being stared at by people who seem to know him, but he doesn’t know in return, he hears a voice in his own head. Because, of course, he must be insane. 

A/N: Here we are! The sequel series to Remedy :) I was gonna go somewhere else with this, but it kinda hit me out of nowhere and I thought this could be as sweet and cute as it could be heartbreaking and funny at the same time. Get ready for some awkward situations (and boners), people! 

Originally posted by itsjustmycrazyvibe

There’s a woman standing in front of me. She looks sad, scared; but still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She says ‘Bucky’, and I can’t help but think that I’ve heard that before, but I don’t know what it means. I don’t know where I am, but I feel no threat, not from the man in the blue combat-suit next to me, not from the red head that’s next to him, holding his hand and looking equally sad as the woman before me. Not even from the man with the glasses and a doctor’s coat on my left. They all look at me as if they know me, and.. like me? They look nice enough, I guess. But I can’t help but stare at the woman standing only a feet away from me, tears in her eyes. She looks so sad.

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