but luckily i think lily does

aunt marge’s big mistake

*It’s the summer of Harry’s second year and Aunt Marge pays a visit to the Dursleys*

James: *his hands are nervously pulling his hair* Oh for the love of Merlin, Sirius is on fucking Muggle news. He’s not armed or dangerous you bloody morons. He’s a literal puppy.

Lily: He broke out of Azkaban!

James: He didn’t deserve to be locked up in there in the first place. Oh that rat is going to die someday and when he does I’m going to make. him. suffer.

Lily: I have an elaborate plan.

James: *kisses Lily* And that’s why I love you.

Lily: Ugh Marge is coming in. I think I’m going to vomit or something. 

James: That.. woman. Oh I have a special place for her, too. Remember how she followed Harry around with a stick in her hand on Duddykins’ fifth birthday?

Lily: I’ll be damned if I forget. 

James: Luckily, Harry is fast enough, fast enough to be the youngest Seeker in a cent-

Lily: *rolling her eyes* James

James: *grinning* Sorry, I got caught up.

*Vernon warns Harry about behaving when Marge comes, then Harry asks him to sign the permission slip for Hogsmeade*

Lily: Sign it you son of a–

James: Whoa, Evans!

Lily: What?! He deserves it, he won’t sign it I tell you.

James: I know he deserves it but I need you to stay calm so we can both lose our minds when Marge comes. Please?

Lily: Alright, you are right I guess.

*Vernon tells Harry that they said he was at  St. Brutus’s Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys to Marge*

James: Fuck you, you bloody wanker YOU ARE AN INCURABLY CRIMINAL B–

Lily: James, what did we just agree to do?

James: *looking down* Keep calm until Marge comes.

Lily: Exactly, you should follow you own advices really.

James: I know, I know.

*Aunt Marge arrives*

Lily: Murder in human form is in the building.

James: I think Duddykins takes after her, look at how they walk. The resemblance is uncanny.

Lily: *giggling* They are like penguins.

*Lily bends over laughing as she watches James do a very convincing imitation of Marge. Marge starts questioning Harry* 

James: I want to smother her with a pillow, it’s like he breathes to wrong way, she always has something to say.

Lily: Cane? Do they use a cane? You bloody disgusting piece of GARBAGE.

James: *laughing* Lily he’s making fun of her, the sass he has, he’s like a small Sirius.

Lily: Well Marge can compete with Walburga if you ask me.

James: No one can compete with Walburga maybe that Umbridge woman from the Ministry, do you remember her? 

Lily: The one who looks like a toad?

James: Mm-hmm.

Lily: Wasn’t she the one trying to pass a legislation that would limit every right werewolves had?

James: That’s the one.

Lily: Ugh, you are right, all that pink everywhere.

*Marge: You see it all the time with dogs. If there’s something wrong with the bitch, there’ll be something wrong with the pup –*

Lily: I WILL SHOW YOU WHO’S A BITCH YOU MOTHERFU- JAMES STOP HOLDING ME I CAN’T GO THERE

James: *scared* Feels like you could. Harry NO! 

Lily: It’s just a glass, that woman deserves it

James: He’ll get himself in unnecessary trouble, we don’t want him to starve, do we love?

Lily: No we don’t.

*days pass with many problems and shoutings and swears. It’s finally Marge’s last day

Marge (about James):[…]A no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy scrounger who–*

James: Harry DON’T!

Lily: She shouldn’t have said that. She should not have said that.

James: *shouting* Will she ever shUT UP?! 

Lily: Bless this boy, he is a literal angel and–

James: An angel who’s blowing Marge up, I was expecting fire or something, this is more fun.

Lily: What?! 

James: He’s not doing it on purpose. Lils! *trying to stifle his laughter* She’s flying out the window.

Lily: UP AND AWAY YOU BITCH!

James: *laughing* We shouldn’t be laughing this hard.

Lily: *laughing* No we shouldn’t but she’s like a freaking dirigible.

*Harry storms out and decides to leave after Vernon comes after him*

Lily: Jamie, please tell me he didn’t just say he was leaving. Where will he go? It’s night time and there are people after him, he’s the bloody boy who lived for heaven’s sake

James: I hope he doesn’t make the mistake of riding his broomstick to somewhere

Lily: After last year’s Ford disaster I’m can’t be sure.

James: He’s walking, oh good, this is good.

Lily: What is so good about him walking in the middle of the night?

James: *angry* I don’t know at least he’s not flying 

Lily: Jamie?

James: What?

Lily: Is that big black dog–

James: *excited* Padfoot!

Lily: Sirius Black you are scaring your godson!

James: I can’t believe it. He is a dumbass. All the times I didn’t believe when Moony told me he was an idiot. Bad Padfoot!

Lily: What the hell is Knight Bus?

James: We used it once with the boys, it’s safe– technically speaking.

Lily: Lovely, this is just peachy.

James: *hugging Lily* He’ll get to Leaky Cauldron safely. Now calm down love.

Lily: *breathing deeply* Alright.

Frenemies? Part 2 (Remus x Reader)

Here’s part 2 to Frenemies. A part 3 will depend on how long I can make this. (That’s what she said) See part One here even though it’s literally the only other thing currently on my account: https://wolffocks.tumblr.com/post/157720248500/frenemiesremus-x-reader

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You left the empty classroom and went off to your first class of the day. Transfiguration. You had to sit by Remus in that class. Luckily it was the only class you had to sit next to him in. You walked in the room and set your stuff at your seat before walking over to Lily.

“You really think I’m attracted to someone who does THAT?” You questioned with disbelief in your voice. You emphasized the word that when you thought about what just happened. You were talking about the beetles.

“Y/n I was only joking when I said it.” Lily defended herself as you sat next to her. “Anyways where did you run off to? I went looking for you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere.” Lily acknowledged looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

You shrugged looking at the door. “I went to that classroom. I left another note for RT.” You reminded her of that little spot you had.

“Oh. I guess that does make sense. What did you say this time?” She asked as she got her supplies out for this class.

“That today sucks and I wish I knew someone like him.” You offered and leaned on your arm. “I wish I could have a face behind the name.” You wishfully told Lily. She just laughed.

“Y/n, you could always just skip classes and wait for him.” Lily interjected, as if you would even consider it.

“Lily, I can’t just skip class! I’d miss everything!” You exclaimed with devastation that she would even suggest the action.

"Y/n, calm down, I’m sure you’ll meet this guy someday.” Lily surrendered, wanting to end the conversation.

"So… the boys got in trouble.” Lily noted to you.

You nodded. “I figured they would. I don’t care though. They always get in trouble, it won’t stop the way they torment me. I don’t even understand why they do it. I haven’t ever done anything to them. I don’t even retaliate to their so called pranks.” You confided in your best friend with a sigh.

She nodded her head in confirmation. “That is true they just started to do it. Maybe it’s to distract you from your studies?” Lily proposed looking up as she heard the door open.

You didn’t bother looking up, too annoyed with the current outcome of this already horrific day.

"Speaking of devils.” Lily muttered not moving her gaze.

"Don’t you mean davishingly handsome devils?” James Potter quipped as he walked over and leaned on the table. He was between you and Lily, facing her. They started to converse, but it turned into an argument.

You stood up and went to your seat as everyone started to pour in for class. Man you were not paying attention because you didn’t even hear the first bell ring.

You got out your supplies as Professor McGonagall strode into the room. The late bell rang and soon Professor McGonagall was teaching.

As the class ended you were given homework on what would happen if the spell performed today was used incorrectly. It would be easy for you.

You gathered your things as Lily trotted over. “I have a date.” She declared as you stood up.

"Lily! No! Why would you accept Potter’s constant offers?!” You nearly yelled as you started to leave the room. Lily was at your heals.

"Oh come on y/n! You even said it yourself that I liked him!” She exclaimed as you went off to your next class.

"Whatever. As long as it doesn’t impose on us because you’re the only one I have!” You stated dramatically with your hand over your heart.

"Oh stop it! You always have the gentlemen behind the notes.” She offered with a smirk playing at her lips.

"Lily I don’t even know him.” You sighed and shrugged. “Anyways does this mean I have to go to Hogsmead alone?” You asked looking at her with puppy dog eyes.

The red headed girl rolled her eyes. “Yes, but you could always tag along.” She conceded with a knowing smile.

"A third wheel on a date between you and one of those idiots? No way Lily.” You declared dropping the puppy dog eyes.

"You could always go on a double date with us. Just your date could be Remus or Sirius.” She shrugged and you rolled your eyes.

"I’ll probably just stay here and sleep.” You decided with a sigh.

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After classes you were going to your empty classroom. You opened the door and ran into Remus.

You glared at him and stepped past him going to your spot.

Remus didn’t leave, watching you. You picked up a note and smiled. You looked up to see if Remus left, but instead you saw him walking towards you.

"No way.” He blurted looking at the note he had just written. “You’re Flow?” He asked in disbelief.

You look appalled. “You- you’re Riptide?” You questioned feeling a weight in the pit of your stomach.

He picked the note up. “Well I did just write this.” He affirmed looking back at you.

You looked down with tears in your eyes before running out of the room.

Remus started to chase after you, easily catching up.

"Wait, I’m sorry.” He stated grabbing your arm and turning you to face him. “I-I’m sorry for everything.” He apologized with sincerity. You could tell when you looked up.

"Why…” you started looking away from him.

"James and Sirius were planning pranks against you and I guess I got carried away.” He said softly.

You wiped your eyes and pushed his hand off your arm.

"I-I need some rest. Let Lily know I’m in the dorm when you see her at dinner.” You said softly before trudging back to the common room.

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I was actually going to keep it in 2 parts, but now it’s going to be 3 parts