Alive Because of You
Bucky x Reader
Summary: Bucky has a nightmare that the reader is there to soothe
Word Count: 804
Warnings: fluff + sad Bucky
A/N: so I just really wanted to get something published tonight, and I got this idea from a few Marvel vine edits I saw. Enjoy <3
It’s one of those nights.
The nights where I wake up at night to the bed shaking violently and painful yells coming from the body beside me.
He’d had a nightmare, like he so often used to. It’s getting better, or at least, it was. But after all the experience I had soothing him, it isn’t difficult. But it never gets less heartbreaking. It never will.
He never talks about his nightmares. Just jolts awake and lets me hold him. But as I come back from our bathroom with a glass of water, he’s sitting up with a distant look in his eyes, staring at the wall ahead of him. I put the cup down on his bedside table and crawl into the sheets, slipping my hands around his bare stomach and pressing the side of my head on his shoulder. My small size doesn’t allow me to engulf him in a hug like I want to do, but I know that it’s also exactly what he needs. His body heaves with his deep breaths.
“I’m sorry.” he says hoarsely. I close my eyes in sadness.
"Buck. Don’t.” I say softly, pulling away to look up at him. My fingers touch his chin to turn his face to me. His hooded eyes meet mine “I know there’s nothing I can say to change what happened or how it makes you feel. But I need you to know that helping you is all I wanna do. Don’t ever feel sorry. I want to be here. I’ll always want to be here.” He swallows and furrows his eyebrows in distress.
“I know, and I-I…thank you. It’s just-” he falls silent, putting his hands into his head. I purse my lips, not knowing what to do. He’s silent for a few moments. “Everyone else has always been able to stay true to themselves, right?” he says softly. “Steve is still honorable and responsible. Wanda got better, even after losing her family. You came to SHIELD when your company was doing illegal experiments. Everyone got their chance to get better and they took it.” I know what’s coming, and I desperately try to think of something to rebuttal it with. But there’s nothing. He’s right. He inhales. “My chance was taken away.” he whispers. “And I…I think it ruined me.” his voice trails off, but I don’t miss the crack in his tone. My eyes burn with tears.
“Bucky.” I say airily. My small hands are clasped tightly around his neck, feeling the place where his flesh ends and his metal arm begins, trying to help in any way. But I can’t. I’ve never felt so useless.
“I don’t know what else they did. Maybe they have me exactly where they want me. Maybe I’m still wrapped around their finger.” he shakes his head. “What if you’re in danger because of me?” his hair falls over his face as he hangs his head low. I swallow down the lump in my throat.
“Stop.” I say. “I’m not in danger. You’d never hurt me.” I brush my thumb back and forth against his neck, trying to soothe him in any way I can. “I know you don’t believe me. I don’t expect you to. But I want you to be happy. How can you be happy when you’re spending your life looking over your shoulder for a red journal, letting all the things they made you do turn you insane and not being able to live out of fear? That’s not living, Buck. Let yourself live.” I whisper, looking at him intensely. He stares at me with a pained expression, roaming my face. He’s searching for every ounce of honesty my words. I look at him wholeheartedly, letting my eyes tell him I speak the truth. And I think it clicks somewhere in his broken mind, because he engulfs me in a breathtaking hug, nearly knocking me down on the bed. I gasp a little, my hands tightening behind his neck. His arms pull me so close that we’re the silhouette of one being, that I am breathing in the air he exhales, and we are undoubtedly loved and loving, holding on as if we may vanish at any moment.
His lips find mine, colliding noses, crashing bodies. It’s sloppy, but it’s perfect. We create the most beautiful catastrophes, drinking each other in. Once he finally pulls away, we’re breathless, leaning back into the pillows. My head sits in the nook between his arm and his chest, molded for me. His nose is pressed to my scalp, his fingers stroking my hair. “I love you.” I whisper in the dark.
“Doll, I’m only alive because of you.”
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