but john likes who he is as a bug so he doesn't care

anonymous asked:

The whole shooting thing is messed up. Why are people trying to excuse s.o., who shoot another person just to keep their own secret? Deliberately not using names. Look at it from this simple point. And Mary does love John, for sure, but pure love and possessive, dangerous love are a tad different. I do like Mary and do I adore Amanda for being absolutely amazing, but the moral of the story bugs me. Also, CAM is after Mycroft, then why her killing Sherlock doesn't turn him against Mary?

I admit that I myself find it a bit odd that there’s so much debate about Mary as a character despite the fact that she killed the hero of the entire show. I mean, I respect that there are people–many of them I’m good friends with!–who really, genuinely still like her, and I’m absolutely fascinated by this, because normally the person who puts the hero of a show in danger is automatically regarded as the villain, and it didn’t happen with Mary in a universal way.  

I think it’s because of the cue of the show itself telling us that we’re supposed to think that was all okay. It’s like the show is Sherlock Holmes, and we’re John Watson, and the show says to us, “It’s fine that she killed me, I’m not bothered by it,” then we are given the cue–represented by John Watson himself, our usual identifying character–that it’s all okay and that we should be forgiving Mary right along with John. So it becomes an interesting examination, to me, of the ways in which that cue worked for some people and didn’t work for others.

(To be honest, I’m not sure I’m entirely getting it right there? I’ve had people explain to me, in great detail, many times, why they still like Mary, and I just cannot wrap my mind around it. I’ve even tried writing from her POV to try to get myself some kind of sympathy for her, and got nowhere. I have some kind of mental block with her. But, anyway, I *think* I’m being fair when I say that the justifications for why the audience should still like Mary are aligned with the justifications for why John Watson should still like Mary.)

But I’m with you, that Mary alarms and frightens me and I do not trust her (and I certainly don’t trust her with *John,* and I can’t believe that Sherlock does, unless he’s just so love-addled when it comes to John that he’s just blindly determined to give John the happy ending he thinks John wants, at all costs).

I get mean below. If you like Mary, probably don’t read: 

I keep taking solace in the idea that, if it took thirty seconds of screen time for John to get over Mary killing Sherlock, it’ll hopefully take a roughly equivalent amount of time for him to get over Mary dying. Because I assume she has to die, and I don’t really want an entire season devoted to mourning a character I don’t actually care about. And then we can all say that it’s okay, John did all of his grieving off-screen, we just didn’t get to see it. 

(end of meanness)

I have no explanation for why Mycroft doesn’t seem upset about Mary killing Sherlock. I guess he is also part of the “Oh, well, all’s well that ends well and she really does love John” school of thought? Which seems unlike Mycroft, but I have no other explanation. 

Secret desire, though: I want Mary to have been working with Moriarty. I want getting close to John to have been her mission. (I’ll allow that she fell in love with John. She certainly is in *something* with John.) I want the Moriarty video at the end of HLV to be Mycroft kind of saying to Mary, “Oh, you thought you could work for the man who nearly destroyed my brother, and then kill my brother, and then get away with all of it? Hear John talking about that east wind coming? The east wind comes from me." 

It’s all about the stories we tell ourselves…

This is mostly just me thinking out loud with my hands on the keyboard. So take it as stream of consciousness or something of that kind. It’s really nothing thoroughly thought through, but rather a collection of things that I keep mulling over in my head. So from here on out: I might not make a lot of sense, probably won’t answer a thing, but just pose tons more questions. You have been warned! :)

What I keep coming back to is how tightly the show has been structuring this season around stories and how slowly but surely every single story we get told gets proved not entirely true to completely false. In a way that has always been something SPN has dealt with since they always gave the lore and legends a few twists and turns along the way, but I feel like the second half of S9 and particularly this season it serves a broader narrative purpose and all of it centers around the myth arc.

To me the thread about stories has been made a big and important point in 9x11 “First Born” for the first time, which makes sense given it was the episode to launch us into the myth arc that centers around the Mark of Cain and how Cain tells Dean and Crowley the true story that the bible did not tell. The story of how he killed his brother not out of envy, but out of “love and care” and to prevent him from getting corrupted and a slave to Lucifer. In return he received a mark, became a “soldier of hell”, a bringer of “darkness and chaos” – which btw is one pretty awesome contrast to the one entity he owes the curse to: Lucifer – the light bringer.

In a way I had to think back on Cain’s whole story when mulling over “Hansel and Gretel” some more and how their story differs from the fairytale. Just like Cain didn’t kill Abel out of envy, maybe Hansel ate Gretel’s heart (there is something about this image that just kind of bugs me, but I cannot get to what it is about) thinking that way she’d be at peace (of course there is a long string of creepy problems to talk about here with the witches and Hansel’s relationship in relation to that – so I won’t), in heaven and for that willfully gave himself to the witch. One could even say he got a Mark of Cain of his own – a scarred face.

If you take these two stories as a mirror or parallel to the Winchester’s story, it poses some interesting, yet scary questions. Cain’s story was already “kind of repeated” (with some twists and turns) by Dean, question is, will we now see Sam take into account working with a witch believing it is the only way to save Dean? The signs of him possibly making a deal of some sort with Rowena or being vulnerable to a scenario of that kind have been there, so I wouldn’t be terribly surprised. But the question is: How would that break the toxic cycle of self sacrifice the Winchesters are caught in? Possibly not at all. Instead we know, the river ends at the source. I’m sure we all have our headcanons, I personally think if they are doing a really neat tie in it means Lucifer, in a broader sense I’d say it’s god it all ends with (especially now that we know god (Chuck) is alive and back), but given how this season has also highlighted fucked up family dynamics and crappy childhoods due to messed up parents it could also mean John Winchester – it’s highly unlikely though that will be the case.

Maybe it means going back to the start, for them to start over – like Tina was able to and like Dean wished he would have been able to – and do it all again, but different. “Alter the sigil, alter the spell”, alter the story you tell about yourself…

But it’s not just the stories of others that continuosly get rendered false, it’s the main characters addressing this very thing in relation to their own life stories as well. From Crowley telling Dean in 9x17 “Mother’s Little Helper” “Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep better at night” in relation to Dean’s growing dependence to the blade and the powers of the mark Dean was not ready to admit to struggle with to Dean telling Cole in 10x07 “Girl Girls Girls” that “This was his story” and that he’s got one of those, too, but that those stories sometimes blind them and take them to dark places (a freaking amazing contrast that is painted in this one sentence within the show *bows down in front of the writers*). Storytelling - It’s a tool of reflection and projection at the same time. And with 10x05 “Fan Fiction” as well as 9x18 “Meta Fiction” the show has been delving pretty deep in terms of meta and addressing the pushes and pulls of creating content and story. Metatron said he is an entity of his word. While he loves himself some big talk, I think with this line he might have given away more than he wanted, a plan to destroy him and “destiny” all over again.

In 6x20 “The Man Who Would Be King” Castiel monologues about how they “ripped up the ending and the rules” and with that already playing with the notion of stories. Maybe in order to find balance, I think, because even after their biggest obstacle – the apocalypse – was averted nothing truly changed for the better. Maybe that is due to the big story having been derailed, but our main characters being to pre-occupied with “thankfully”” saving the world, but not picking up the pen themselves and write their own story, how they intend it to be. They are the paper, they are the ink, they are the pen, but they seem to have no idea or seem to be too afraid to start writing. Hansel said something important in that regard imo: “It was based on a true story, they just gave it a happy ending.” Maybe that is exactly the Winchesters’ problem. They only know how to write a tragedy while all of them desperately long for a happy ending.