but joffrey

anonymous asked:

What do you think of the theory that Joffrey, Tommen and Myrcella really are Robert's children, but due to the medieval misunderstanding of genetics and general Stannis/Jon Arryn/Ned distrust of Lannisters they all jump the gun and believe they're Jaime's kids? Does that sound like an ironic twist that GRRM would do?

I think that theory is as wrong as it is possible to be. 

Cersei is quite explicit about this:

Ned said. “How is it that you have had no children by the king?”

She lifted her head, defiant. “Your Robert got me with child once,” she said, her voice thick with contempt. “My brother found a woman to cleanse me. He never knew. If truth be told, I can scarcely bear for him to touch me, and I have not let him inside me for years. I know other ways to pleasure him, when he leaves his whores long enough to stagger up to my bedchamber. Whatever we do, the king is usually so drunk that he’s forgotten it all by the next morning.”

Ten thousand of your children perished in my palm, Your Grace, she thought, slipping a third finger into Myr. Whilst you snored, I would lick your sons off my face and fingers one by one, all those pale sticky princes. You claimed your rights, my lord, but in the darkness I would eat your heirs.

Cersei avoided having sex with Robert, when she had to she would do so in “other ways” that would not result in children, and when that failed she would have an abortion. There was no black-haired baby, Gendry is not her baby, none of those theories made any political sense whatsoever. 

And while we’re at it, while GRRM is not a geneticist, the fact that each and every one of Robert’s bastards - Barra, Bella, Gendry, Mya, etc. - have black hair regardless of the hair color of the mother is meant to be a sign that Robert Baratheon was homozygous for black hair. 

So to those who would propound this theory, I would say:

Originally posted by shardwick

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George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings:

“I wish I was home", She said miserably. She tried so hard to be brave, to be fierce as a wolverine and all, but some times she felt she was a little girl after all.”

“Once she had loved Prince Joffrey with all her heart, and admired and trusted her his mother, the queen. They had repaid that love and trust with her father’s head. Sansa would never make that mistake again.”

heavenlyfury  asked:

Hey ! At some point, Catelyn said that she had been betrothed to Brandon when she was 13, and that Arya would probably follow the same scheme. At this point of the novels, isn't she 12 or so ? Do you think she'll get married when she returns home ?

I had to look it up, but apparently Catelyn was twelve when she was engaged to Brandon.

“Gods, Catelyn, Sansa is only eleven,” Ned said. “And Joffrey…Joffrey is…”

She finished for him. “…crown prince, and heir to the Iron Throne. And I was only twelve when my father promised me to your brother Brandon.” (Catelyn, A Game of Thrones)

And I think this is the quote you’re thinking about pertaining to Arya, but it’s actually Ned that says it in Cat’s chapter:

“You must,” he said. “Sansa must wed Joffrey, that is clear now, we must give them no grounds to suspect our devotion. And it is past time that Arya learned the ways of a southron court. In a few years she will be of an age to marry too.” (Catelyn, A Game of Thrones)

By A Dream of Spring, Arya will be twelve and marriages will be imperative for the continuation of House Stark. And since GRRM has confirmed that he will be writing Arya as if the five-year gap happened anyhow, I’d say there’s a very good chance that the “romantic” portion of her story will be amped up.

But going back to the parents, I always am intrigued by the stark differences in the ways Ned and Cat dealt with Arya’s personality and future. Ned accepts her as she is, though admits that she should learn the way of a southron court (because the north and south are inherently different), and tells her that she will marry a king and rule his castle and bear princes. Cat thinks of Arya almost as a lost cause that is desperate for refinement, and sells her off (in case she ever comes back from the hellhole of King’s Landing) to some umpteenth son of House Frey. It’s quite apparent who misunderstood her, and who embraced her.

♛. You can have your character jeer at Joffrey, if it’s relevant to the situation and especially if the character is above Joffrey in terms of echelon & power. But please refrain from writing me context-less starters in which your muse is completely & utterly deriding him / undermining him relentlessly. Please remember he is still a king. I hate to sound like I’m being rude or difficult, but I’m only making this post because I’ve dealt with this too many times to count and it’s not fun for somebody who plays a character who, yes, isn’t necessarily deserving of utmost kindness & respect, but isn’t somebody to be taken lightly, especially in his universe. If he has done something to your muse to CREATE a negative reaction then by all means go right ahead; And again, if your muse is greater than Joffrey, that too is plausible and I haven’t an issue with it. This is all in my rules but I figured making it into a post would be helpful for those who haven’t seen my rules before. NOTE : THIS EXCLUDES CRACK!

youtube

Samuel L. Jackson may be the best Game of Thrones recapper ever

Jackson hits all the pertinent points: The Starks are not so great at staying alive; Joffrey’s an insufferable brat, to say the least; the White Walkers are going to doom everyone.

Okay but does anyone remember this epic Renly Baratheon moment:


“Liar!” Arya yelled.

“Shut up!” the prince yelled back.

“Enough!” the king roared, rising from his seat, his voice thick with irritation. Silence fell. He glowered at Arya through his thick beard. “Now, child, you will tell me what happened. Tell it all, and tell it true. It is a great crime to lie to a king.” Then he looked over at his son. “When she is done, you will have your turn. Until then, hold your tongue.”

As Arya began her story, Ned heard the door open behind him. He glanced back and saw Vayon Poole enter with Sansa. They stood quietly at the back of the hall as Arya spoke. When she got to the part where she threw Joffrey’s sword into the middle of the Trident, Renly Baratheon began to laugh. The king bristled. “Ser Barristan, escort my brother from the hall before he chokes.”

Lord Renly stifled his laughter. “My brother is too kind. I can find the door myself.” He bowed to Joffrey. “Perchance later you’ll tell me how a nine-year-old girl the size of a wet rat managed to disarm you with a broom handle and throw your sword in the river.” As the door swung shut behind him, Ned heard him say, “Lion’s Tooth,” and guffaw once more.

Prince Joffrey was pale as he began his very different version of events. When his son was done talking, the king rose heavily from his seat, looking like a man who wanted to be anywhere but here. “What in all the seven hells am I supposed to make of this? He says one thing, she says another.”


Can I just say that book 1 was the most innocent cute thing ever? (you know before every Stark and good guy starts getting killed) And Renly just completely slaying Joffrey is the cherry on the icing on the cake.

Originally posted by arowofducks

  • everyone on this website:So who do you ship Sansa with? Petyr Baelish? The Hound? Tyrion? Ramsay? Joffrey? Jon?
  • me:I SHIP HER WITH SAFETY AND HAPPINESS AND LEMON CAKES JUST LEAVE MY BABY ALONE

‘…a wailing woman forced her way between two watchmen… Joffrey looked for a moment as if he meant to ride her down, but Sansa Stark leaned over and said something to him. The king fumbled in his purse, and flung the woman a silver stag.’

-Tyrion IX, A Clash of Kings


I think this single quote is the reason I fell in love with Sansa Stark. I always see a lot of praise (a lot of which centres around the TV adaptation) towards Margaery in her ability to ‘handle’ Joffrey or somehow being better equipped to influence him. But Margaery has her father as a staunch ally of the Lannister regime, she has her brother on the Kingsguard and her family in the capital, there is far less risk to her person in attempting to influence Joffrey.


Then we have Sansa Stark, an attainted traitor whose family is in open rebellion against the crown, who has been beaten and humiliated in public by her betrothed and will probably carry said scars for the rest of her life, and yet still she manages to steer Joffrey towards mercy and fulfilling one of her many courtly duties as Queen-to-be, risking chastisement at best and a public beating at worst. This is a King who has shot crossbow bolts down at his smallfolk for begging aid, who has no qualms about hurting her or anyone around him, and yet she still attempts- and succeeds- at swaying him towards charity at great personal risk with little payoff.


The fact that we miss moments like this in D&Ds adaptation is part of why audiences still decry Sansa as stupid, cowardly, or bratty and place her sister (who had her character assassinated in a more overt way by the adaptation) on a pedestal. We can’t all be Arya, we can’t all seek solace in physical fighting and retribution, but we could all stand to be a little more like Sansa, speaking up no matter the personal risk.

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I did what I had to do to survive.
But I am a Stark, I will always be a Stark.