but it's my finals for the rest of this month



In my mind
I have shot you and stabbed you through your heart
I just didn’t understand
The ricochet is the second part

capseycartwright  asked:

robron and number 8 🤗

 8. “i´ll be right over”

Robert was sitting at the table in Keepers with his laptop in front of him, when his phone rang.

The sound was muffled by the mountains of paperwork that Nicola had dumped on him after he and Aaron had returned from their makeshift honeymoon almost three weeks ago. Robert started to sift through them, lifting up pile after pile in hopes of locating the damn thing.

He had found that burying himself in work and hiding from all the villagers with their judgmental looks and their endless gossip at Vic´s was the best way to get through this “pause”, as Aaron had called it. Not that his stay at Keepers didn´t come with its fair share of disappointed, sad looks from a certain brunette. 

“Pause”. The more he thought about that word, the more Robert hated it. Nevertheless, it was preferable to “fuck off” or “break-up”, so he didn´t dare to complain. It was far more than he could have asked for.

Robert kept rustling through the papers in search of his phone, getting more and more agitated with every ring, when it finally dropped out of one of the piles and landed in his lap.

Him and Aaron were grinning up at him from the screen, dopey, drunk smiles on both of their faces as they sat in one of the booths of the Woolpack on the day of their wedding, Robert´s arm wrapped tightly around Aaron´s shoulder.

As Robert let his thumb hover over the “accept” button, it felt like someone had drained all the air from his lungs. His heart ached just at the sight of his husband whom he hadn´t seen or spoken to in two weeks now.

This would be it. It had to be.

Sure, once the crying and screaming had stopped, Aaron had said that he wanted to work through things. Together. Had promised that he wanted to at least try to make their marriage work.

But this wasn´t your normal run-of-the-mill fight. Robert hadn´t just forgotten to buy milk, or to screw the cap back on the toothpaste.

No, Robert had betrayed Aaron´s trust in the worst way imaginable and deep down he was quite certain that he didn´t deserve his husband´s forgiveness. Not on this one.

Which meant that this had to be it. 

The moment he would pick up that phone, Aaron would make or break them. The chips would fall and determine the rest of Robert´s life, without Robert having a say in any of it.

Aaron held Robert´s heart in his hands and there was nothing Robert could do, but hold onto the tiny sliver of hope his husband had left him with when he´d told him he just needed some space and time.

Well, there was something else he could do. He could just not pick up.

Prolongue what seemed inevitable and instead stay in relationship limbo for just a little while longer. Enjoy just a few more hours of “maybe” before everything would be over for good.

He stared at the ringing phone for what felt like hours, but could only have been seconds, weighing the pros and cons and then,

then he took a deep breath and picked up.

Keep reading

Okay, people, just… what are you doing?!

Mushy post incoming~
Okay, let me put this in perspective. These are my blog’s stats from the last month. Since about when I started posting Zelda stuff. Those numbers there? They beat out my DeviantArt account numbers by a landslide. By how much of a landslide? All of it. The whole damn mountain. In one month more people have started following this page, more people have been giving me feedback than THIRTEEN FRIGGIN YEARS on DA. Do you understand how freaking mindboggling this is!? To get more attention and feedback in one month than essentially the entirety of the rest of my artistic career?!

And I get it, its all fanart and yeah once either people stop hyping about fishbros and smol Gerudos or I start drawing other stuff my art wont be near as popular, and that’s fine! But I kinda finally feel like I don’t have some kind of horrible crippling flaw in my art or humor, I’m just really, really bad at finding my audience! Tumblr’s reblogging stuff essentially let you guys fix that for me by putting my doofy comics and drawings up for your friends to see. And it blows me away that any of you are doing it at all! Ever since I noticed just what those numbers were today I actually just cannot process it.

So, I’d just like to say, to everyone who’s liked, commented, reblogged, messaged me, sent me asks, and to everyone who will in the future (I hope!):

You guys are the friggin’ best and I love you <3

tomorrow is m'last day at hell job (finally).. then i get my roots/hair fixed and end the 🍮🌻 era (for now).. and have the weekend off.. where i will rest and probably go take pics of 🐄🐏🐑🌳🌾🌼 (hopefully)… then i start @ ye olde 🍫 shoppe (that’s not its name i jst like saying “ye olde”).. good month start perhaps? *knocks on 🌳* (wood comes from trees)

March 15, 2017.
its been way too long since the last time i post an original post. ANDD HOW ARE YALLLL I MISS YAAAA💗💞
so hi! i finally had a pack of mildliner and theyre the yellow pack (and already ordered the rest of another packs; pink blue and peach yay) such a dream come true omg i finally have the enough money to buy them!!
they came in mail like 3 days before the-i-broke-my-bone-accident😅😅
im still in recovery right now!! (the doctor said it need a month or so sigh)
but i really hope as soon as i get well i’ll use them more for my notes💗💞💓

Comes the Dawn

Well my muse had a moment, I blame all the Easter Candy and a desperate need for some Fitzsimmons feels.

Jemma couldn’t say how much time had passed since that fateful moment she had left Fitz in the server room of the Superiors Base, his “Be Careful,” the last thing he had said to her before the nightmare had began.   Time had lost all concept in their jumps between the Real World and the Framework.  Days or hours, it didn’t matter since it was time they were apart.

They had finally won.  AIDA and her army defeated, the Darkhold destroyed, and their friends rescued.   She could still feel Fitz’s tears on her neck as she eased him out of the cradle and into her arms.  Broken sobs and apologies muffled by her shirt.  

She had done her best to sooth him, kissing every inch of his face before she ended on his lips in a long deep kiss.  “You came back to me,” she had said before she pulled him back into her arms where she knew he would be safe.

Now the salty sea air blew against her face as the dark of the night around them was just beginning to fade away.  The base they had just destroyed to save their friends smoldering behind him and the team had scattered to take a few moments to themselves and those closest to them before they boarded the Zephyr for what would be a long trip home.  

Fitz had slipped away from her as she had tended to May.  Doing extra scans to ensure that her extended time in the Framework hadn’t had any additional ill effects.   But she knew where to find him, she always would.  

He sat on the beach still clad in the simple pajamas AIDA had put them all in, with his arms wrapped around his knees and eyes fixed on the warming horizon.  

Without hesitation Jemma went to his side and settled into the cool sand next to him.  Her arm looped through his and she snuggled her head into the crook of his neck.  A small wave of relief washed through her as he pulled himself closer and rested his head atop her own.  

“I had an encounter with your LMD,” she started gently as he tensed at the mention of it.  

“He was the one that gave you the marks on your neck…and the leg,” Fitz started his voice tight in worry.

“He was,” Jemma said. There was no use in lying to him about it.  “But I know it wasn’t you, that he had been programmed by AIDA to capture me.  You are not responsible for what her programming made you do.”  The comment carrying a double meaning that went unspoken.  

“I’m sorry,” Fitz started again and Jemma shushed him with a squeeze to his arm.  Her eyes now locked on the horizon as well.

“He had your mind but not your heart.  I know you would never hurt me.” Jemma said easily and waited a beat before she spoke again.  “I didn’t know you had been thinking about getting married.  He could have lying to try to fool me into going into the Framework willingly.”

Fitz gasped next to her though his eyes remained fixed on the coming sun.  “I have,” he said firmly and with more confidence than anything else he’d said since she woke him up.   His hand finding his way to hers and his thumb traced her bare ring finger. The simple gesture bringing Jemma back to the number of times he had done that over the last few months.  

“I love you so much Jemma, my hope, my light, my best friend…I want nothing more than to wake up next to you every day for the rest of our lives.  Settle down and grow old together.  I just didn’t have the courage to talk to you about it.”  

Fitz paused to look down and finally meet her eyes for the first time in what seemed like ages.  “What do you think we should do about it?”  

The sun had finally peeked over the horizon its warmth began to chase away the icy tendrils of the nightmare they had just endured.   She turned to cup his face in her gently hands, fingers gently running through his stubble, another thing that brought her immense comfort after being unable to do it.  “We elope,” she said just as firmly as he had a few moments before.  “We are not going to give the cosmos or anything else another chance to rip us apart.”

Fitz looked at her stunned, “Elope? As in get married now?  You want to do this now?” he started only to be silenced as her lips crashed into his own.  

Jemma lost herself in the embrace for a few moments and savored that he was here and whole again.   When she finally did pull away she moved her hand to his heart.  “We can’t waste any more time,” she said “and we won’t.”

Kindled Flame - Kaitlyn x MC Fanfic.

Kindled Flame – Kaitlyn x MC, The Freshman Fanfic

[A little note:  I’m not the best at portraying a Kaitlyn x MC relationship  and I’ve had to put some of them on hold recently. But I kept thinking about this scene between her, Zig and MC. It was one of the most intense scenes in the book so far and honestly it was glorious angst. I couldn’t let an opportunity like this pass me by but I’m not unsure if I can quite put on paper how it played out inside my head. In any case here it is! Thoughts? Criticisms? Hope you enjoyed it!]

[Summary: A fight breaks out in the mosh pit and stirs more trouble than anyone expects, revealing to Kaitlyn and MC that everyone’s a little broken on the inside].

She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in a way a forest fire was beautiful.”

Sparks. That was what I called them.

The electric impulses my brain sends. The quirky giddiness inside my stomach. The warm fuzziness inside my chest. They were all sparks.

She gave me those.

She brought the scorching heat to my world. Something I never knew I craved until I met her. And at first it scared me, really scared me. I was afraid of getting seared - burned if I stumbled too close, like Icarus did when he came too close to the sun. In a cliche way; I was her moth and she was my flame. It wasn’t instantaneous; I had to push myself. I told myself I had to be brave. 

The more time we spent together, the more I could make sense of it. For the first time in a long while, I didn’t spend time worrying about what other people thought about us. It only mattered to me what she thought. Somehow, we found our own voice together, our own courage.

We held hands in public. We spent a lot of nights bonding over zombie flicks and cliche horror movies. She made me feel fearless. She kissed my frowns away. She had the most adorable laugh. She made me feel safe.

I didn’t know how it was possible but with her I could finally show everything; even the pieces of myself I had never liked. She became the most important thing in my world. Her dreams became my dreams. Her fears were my fears. 

Months flew by with this. She knew me better than most, and it wasn’t a surprise that we often hung out by ourselves while the rest of the world passed us by. When we weren’t in each other’s rooms, collapsing on top of each other after a long day, we were spending time at the local arcade and shopping for vintage leather jackets. But each season brought its own set of troubles, and its own set of rules. 

Suddenly Spring wasn’t a season for love anymore.

Suddenly spring meant more concerts and band-mate bonding and less time with me. She cancelled our last three move nights to hang-out with Natasha, our visits at the coffee-shop became a Rachel and Kaitlyn thing instead of an us thing, and whenever we finally had time to be alone, she was too tired to go out. Suddenly, she wasn’t the same Kaitlyn I fell for at the beginning of freshman year. 

She was constantly changing, shifting like the fire I was once afraid of touching. She was never quite on the same page as everyone else. On some nights, it felt as if she was in an entirely different book, separate from myself.

The Kaitlyn I loved was still there - in bits. Little pieces that I could see whenever we were alone; whenever we were lying face to face with each other in bed, a tangle of sweaty bodies and thin sheets. I saw her every time she laughed at something silly or whenever her dark eyes sparkled after waking up and seeing me right next to her. I saw her in the little kisses I trailed along her neck, when she would arch her back and moan the moment my hands went in between her thighs. 

But that wasn’t all of her. Parts of her were new too; and with every season I learned a little more about Kaitlyn Liao. 

Some of the new pieces hurt; little arguments here and there until she was fed up enough to grab her jacket and storm out of our dorm. I flung her words back at her too; but somehow we always managed to find our way back to each other by the end of the night - sometimes no words were even necessary because our impatient hands acted on pure instinct, pure urgency. Other times, it wasn’t easy. It hurt so much, that it was beginning to feel like some kind of irreversible disaster - because that’s what the night became. An irreversible disaster.

From the moment Zig threw that first punch, the fear I thought I had gotten rid of took hold. Fresh and potent; almost as if he had punched me in the stomach, it knocked me off my feet. I tried to stop what I saw coming – his fists as they flew towards the guy that had accidentally bumped into me. But I was too late; the room erupted into chaos. 

This was wrong.

This was all wrong.

I could barely hear the rhythmic sounds of Kaitlyn’s voice over the rest of the crowd. My attention had been so focused on the mosh pit that I didn’t give it the proper attention it deserved. Eventually, I heard her screaming over everything else. My eyes flew towards her and panic rose to my chest as I saw the flash of confusion from her eyes. She was so plugged in that she hadn’t realized what was happening at first.

Confusion was replaced by shock and then anger. The crowd wasn’t just a crowd anymore, it became a battlefield as people armed with their fists came in contact with one another, blow after blow until a few stragglers crashed into me. The pain stole my breath and nearly knocked the wind right out of me. But I didn’t care. None of that mattered. All I could think about was maneuvering myself from most of the fighting while the rest of my attention was focused on her spotlight.

I watched her cheeks turned red and those pretty lips I remember so fondly had turned into a snarl as she continued yelling to get everyone’s attention back on stage. I couldn’t hear all of it as I kept trying to move out of the way; and the rest of my friends followed suit as we stumbled as far away from the mosh pit as possible.

Eventually I could see the exit and I felt Kaitlyn’s eyes trained on me before she hopped off stage and headed towards us. I felt her cool hand grab mine as we ran towards the exit. 

Usually, the simplest of gestures helped to ease whatever stress I felt. Kaitlyn could shoot an innocent smile in my direction and my shoulders felt a little less heavy, and my heart a little lighter. But when her hand touched mine, that feeling was missing. Her grip was so tight that it almost hurt. 

By the time I felt the cool air brush against my cheeks, I doubled over to catch my breath. The chilly midnight air comforted me a little from the overbearing crowd we were wedged in moments ago. However, the rest of me was a bundle of nerves as I checked behind me. 

Everyone else had made it out too. I saw relieved faces all around, except from beside me. When I glanced down at her; my girlfriend looked like she was ready to rip Zig a new one.

Her eyes were practically daggers digging into his flesh the way he winced away.  “Kaitlyn – ” I stopped short as she dropped my hand and gestured angrily for Zig and I to follow her. Glancing apologetically at the rest of our friends; I told them I’d meet them back at our dorm before I followed meekly behind her.

I watched the way her shoulders kept ramrod straight and her shaky hands turned to fists as we edged away from everyone else.When we were finally out of earshot, she whirled angrily towards us. “What the hell was that?” She hissed. “Naomi, how could you do this to me?!”

I was floored. 

What was I supposed to say? 

I felt guilty, but that wasn’t the only thing I was feeling. I admit that the night had driven us further apart instead of closely together. But surely she didn’t think I was responsible for everything that happened. “Kaitlyn - it was an accident.”. I tried to keep my voice calm. I tried not to let the panic show but I was having a hard time keeping it together when I could almost feel her pulling away. 

Her eyes were distant when they stared back at me. It’s the same distance that I deluded myself into thinking wasn’t real. But I couldn’t fool myself anymore when it was staring right at me. It was like a rain-pour of tension that had shrouded us for the past few weeks. I forced the panic back. I had to reason with her; I had to show her it wasn’t my fault - that it was no one’s fault.

Don’t shut me out. 

The words were there but I couldn’t get them out. They refused to budge and a lump formed in my throat.  She kept staring at me, waiting for me to say something, so I tried to show her how much her words were scaring me instead. Instinctively, I moved closer until I could my hands could touch her. They were shaky as I brought my fingers to brush her soft cheeks. “Kaitlyn, please…” 

Her eyes snapped into focus, but instead of affection that I was used to seeing, they burned bright with fury. She shrugged off my touch and slid her hands inside her pockets.

My stomach dropped as my hands fell uselessly to my side.

“Is that what it was?” Her tone was mocking. “An accident?” She rolled her eyes, “You brought your friend – the one with the short fuse to ruin my concert didn’t you?”

It felt as if she had slapped me. She might as well had with the venom I heard inside her voice. “It was an accident.” I repeated weakly, “Zig got a little out of control – ” I gestured helplessly to him, hoping he’d help. 

“A little?” She scoffed, “From where I’m standing he’s the reason it all happened!”

Zig’s jaw clenched before he spoke. “Look, I’m really sorry-” He began but Kaitlyn interjected.

“Shut up!” She pointed a finger at him, “I don’t want to hear any excuses! My band might get blacklisted from this venue because of you!” She turned back to me, “Is this some kind of punishment?” She demanded. 

I blinked at her. “For what?” I croaked out hoarsely. Don’t say it. Please don’t say it.

“For me not being home as much as I used to to?” The accusation was loud and clear. “For spending more time with other people that finally get me!” She threw her hands up in frustration, “Well congrats - you sure showed me.”

I flinched. “That’s not what this is!” I glanced down at her in surprise, “How could you even think that?!” I couldn’t hide the hurt I felt - it spilled out in short bursts until I could feel tears prickling from the corner of my eyes. “Can’t you see your band is tearing us apart!” I shook my head in disbelief, “If it’s not Natasha always trying to put herself in the middle of our relationship- it’s Rachel hauling you away from the rest of us!”

“You’re really that jealous?” She laughed bitterly, “How many times have I got to tell you that Natasha’s just a friend!”

“Does she know that?!” 

She avoided answering my question. “Is it so hard for me to just have my own thing for once without anyone else butting into it!”

“I’m not just anyone else Kaitlyn! I’m your girlfriend!” I gestured angrily in between us. “I’m the one you come home to at the end of every night.” My voice was starting to shake but I couldn’t help it, I had to keep going. It was like I had been holding all of this back for weeks and it kept spilling over. “I’m the one that knows about all the secrets you had as a kid, the one you finally introduced your parents to!” I took a deep breath, “I’m the one that always wants to be there because that’s what you do when you love someone. You’re always there even when the other person doesn’t realize it or even acknowledges it.”

She shook her head sadly at me.

And for the first time in our relationship, I felt stuck. Her eyes weren’t looking at me the way they usually did, t felt like she wasn’t really seeing me -  but seeing through me the way most people did. The way I thought she never could. “You know what I don’t even know why I’m surprised. You’ve never liked the idea of me being in a band. You’ve never really supported me.” 

Her words hurt.  They feel like venom, poisoning the good that we had, all the happy memories we built over the past couple months. They felt tiny little knives without repent, sinking into my flesh.

“Kaitlyn..” I wanted to stop her as she backed away from me. I wanted to cross the distance between us and kiss her until we both could forget this night had ever happened. I really wished it never had. “I love you, but it feels like you’ve barely had time for me lately.” My breath hitched. “And sometimes when you’re here, you’re not really here. Aren’t you still interested in me?” Don’t you still love me? The expression on her face made her seem as if she wanted to protest but I wasn’t finished yet. I had to get this off my chest before it consumed me. “It feels like the more time you spend with them, the less you want to be with me. I know how important it is for you, to finally feel like you belong somewhere but you belong with me too.” I searched her eyes for the familiar Kaitlyn, the parts I intimately knew. 

She shook her head sadly at me, “But that’s the thing Noami, all the time we’ve spent over last semester - you’ve always been in it.” She sighed, “I feel like you’re always so wrapped up in my life…when I came out…when I tried to make new friends..” She trailed off as she looked away from me. “I love you but I need time to figure me out. To figure out who I am.”

Why can’t we figure it out together?

This was it. This was that funny feeling of fear I had in my stomach. It wasn’t a little feeling anymore. It was an overwhelming fear, nauseating me. It took a lot out of me not to cry, not to break down right then and there in front of her. I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply a couple of times, waiting for it to hurt a little less. When I opened them back again, I could see unshed tears in her eyes too. “We’re all a little broken Kaitlyn, a little lost. Some more than others but most of the time we’re all the same - ” I widened my arms in the air for emphasis “- just some people trying to figure out where they belong in the universe.”

I forced the tears back, blinking rapidly and told myself to be strong. I willed myself to hold it together; at least until I could make it out of here. My anger was almost forgotten as we stood in silence, knees slightly bent together and our hands in our pockets. We were so close - a few inches away from each other and yet we had never felt so far apart.

I knew the words before she said them. They were written in the way her shoulders sagged, the way her eyes wouldn’t meet mine and her unwillingness to touch me.

“Maybe it’s time we figure that on our own. Separately.”

My breath caught inside my throat. I nodded numbly even though the rest of me was screaming to run to her, to envelop her inside my arms. 

She was the flame that I had been drawn to. The only flame that had gotten close enough to sear me. It was a risk, and some part of me knew all along that I wouldn’t mind so as long as she was the one leaving scars. 

From Friendship to more

As the title says it, this is once again a imagine about friends becoming more than that. I have such a weakness for that. Also, this is a concept I have had saved for ages and is dear to me. I’m so happy I got the time to rewrite this one shot. Hope you guys love it as much as I do.

Plot: Harry and Y/N are close friends and have a rather serious conversation at a mutual friend’s party.

Warnings: None aside from some swear words, the mention of alcohol and lots of feels.

Gif is not mine, yet undoubtedly beautiful.

The guy that made my heartbeat’s pace speed up, was a tall and gorgeous musician whom I had only gotten to meet by buying coffee in the same shop as him.
Harry was the second friend I had found after moving to London to live on my own. One day after work, I had gone out to a small cafe where I ran into him. We hit it off right from the moment we met and he’d invited me to join one of his friend’s parties and had stayed with me the whole time to make me feel comfortable. Despite the fact that he was a famous superstar and anything I did seemed almost ridiculously plain and boring compared to him, once I began talking he always made me feel like I was the most important person in the room. That was the main reason for me to have fallen for him as easily as I had. Now, three months after our first encounter, my knees went weak from a simple smile.

My life in London had finally found its routine and as it was Saturday, I had plans to meet with mine and Harry’s mutual friend Hanna so that we could go to a party together. She was similar to the rest of Harry’s friends that usually attended the same parties as he did and  loved drinking way past her limit. I liked to keep it to a sip, which she found boring.

The minute we arrived at the party she had already disappeared and abandoned me to greet some of the people I didn’t know.

So here I was. In the middle of a party and surrounded by drinking people I didn’t know. I couldn’t have been more out of my comfort zone, until suddenly, an all too familiar curly haired guy came into view. When he spotted me a smile formed on his face and he quickly made his way over to me.

“Y/N, love! I was hoping you’d come tonight.”

I blushed and tried to suppress the giggle fighting to break free at his unintended innuendo and instead happily allowed him to hug me.

“Hi Harry”, I greeted him, hoping the dim light would hide my red cheek’s once we pulled apart.

“How are you doing? God, you look stunning! I’ve never seen you in a dress before.”

His eyes traveled up and down my body, his green orbs sparkling and I knew that there was no way the dim light could possibly hide my red face.

“I’m fine and thank you. You look handsome yourself.”

Harry pretended to pull at an imaginary tie around his neck before breaking into a laugh.

“Are you alright, as well?” I continued, eager to keep his attention on me for as long as I could before someone else would come and whisk him away again.

“I’m good, thank you,” he replied with a warm smile before looking down to my hand, “Don’t you want something to drink?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m good. Thanks though.”

“Okay,” he shrugged, “Well, I actually came ‘cause there’s something important I wanted to talk to you about.”


I nodded but Harry bit his lip, showing his hesitation.

“Just, if we could… not here.”

His voice had lowered so it was difficult to understand him due to the loud music around us. His stare bore into me with an intensity that had my skin shiver and heart skip. My thoughts raced and I tried to come up with a reason about what he could possibly have to say to me that it needed to be said in private.

“Ehm..,” I began, “yeah, of course. Do you-”


We were interrupted by Steve’s loud voice. He was one of Harry’s acquaintances and just like him, attended every party that was held. Steve fought his way through the crowd to us and wrapped his arm around Harry’s neck. If I hadn’t known any better I would have claimed I saw a flash of annoyance crossing Harry’s face.

“I need you to hook me up with Ana-belle! Right now! C'mon!” he slurred, clearly having had enough to drink already.

“Mate, I’m kinda busy. Can’t you see?” Harry huffed.

“Pleeaaasseeee,” Steve whined, “You know how hot she is and you promised!”

Harry gave me an apologetic look and I returned a small smile. “Go. It’s fine, Harry.”

“I’ll find you later, okay?” he asked and I nodded.


After Harry  disappeared and I was left alone, I decided to mingle a little bit. That was until I saw the last person I’d want to spend my Saturday night with enter the room, dressed in a tight fitting dress with her boobs showing off, an evil smile playing on her lips.

Her name was Ciara. She was tall, thin, blond and, in want of a better word, a bitch. I had a deep dislike for her ever since I had witnessed her try to kiss Harry. He had looked caught off guard when she had leaned in and pulled him down to her, so he had pushed her away forcefully. To this day, I found it surprising but didn’t question it. I didn’t want to ask him, too afraid that he only pushed her off because he waited for a more fitting moment to kiss her.

Ciara knew about me, too, and disliked me just as much as I did her. I had once overheard her calling me the pathetic tag-along of Harry’s.

To avoid Ciara, I escaped into another room where some guy shoved a drink into my hand, claiming it’d be the best thing I’d ever drink. The liquid burned going down my throat and I grimaced, but it did the trick and calmed me instantly. That was until a certain female’s voice squealed loudly.

“Harry! Baby, I haven’t seen you in forever!”

I bit my tongue and turned to where her voice had come from to find Ciara’s wiry arms wrapped around Harry’s neck and her face buried in his shoulder.

I tried not to look at them but it was like my eyes were clued on their hugging bodies. She might not have been that pretty, but like I said, she had a body most girls would kill for and looked undeniably great at Harry’s side.

Harry’s arms loosely rested around her slim waist as he returned her embrace that lasted much too long for my liking. She giggled and cuddled closer into his chest.

“You too, Ciara,” Harry said as he unwrapped her arms from him and gently pushed her away. She pouted her lips before smiling widely up at him and saying something I didn’t hear. He nodded and replied to which Ciara threw her head back and let out a loud and high-pitched laugh.

I sighed as she rested her hand on Harry’s upper arm and bit my lip. She moved her fingers in a stroking motion and leaned in closer while she spoke quietly to him.
Harry’s eyes were fixed on her when suddenly they moved and landed on me. I quickly turned my head away, embarrassed that he had caught me staring, but when I glanced back at him a few seconds later, Harry was still looking at me. He gave me a small smile and took a sip from his beer before he looked back at Ciara, who was still speaking to him. I took a sip from my own drink, which I still didn’t enjoy, and turned away.

I tried to find something I could entertain myself, yet found nothing. Now that Harry was occupied with Ciara and Hanna had abandoned me, I felt like it was a good time to leave. Just when I was about to look for Hanna to say goodbye, my trace of thoughts was interrupted.

“I thought you didn’t want a drink.”

I looked up and my heart skipped when I saw Harry standing in front of me, a wide smile plastered on his face.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it drinking,” I answered. “It’s more of a sipping. To be honest, the drink is pretty disgusting.”

Harry chuckled, took the glass from me and at the same time handed me his beer. “I know how many say girls aren’t supposed to drink this, but I’m sure we can make an exception of this stupid rule.”

“Thanks.” I smiled up at hime before taking a sip and then handing it back to him. “If I’d have to drink this fruit cocktail for the rest of the night this would definitely had been it for parties and me.”

Harry grinned. “Too bad I could prevent that. Would have given me an excuse to find you outside events like this.”

He raised it as if to toast me before bringing it to his lips as my heart dropped to my stomach.

“Are you-”


Harry and I grimaced at the same time. Of course Hanna had to remember I still existed the second I was alone with Harry. She was leaning against one of her friends, a shot in one hand and a bottle of what looked like vodka in the other.

“Dance with us!” she shouted. I was about to open my mouth to answer when Harry interrupted:

“Sorry, Hanna. Y/N already agreed to accompany me outside for a smoke.”

Hanna rolled her eyes and shrugged, clearly not too bothered about it before disappearing in the crowd again. I raised my brows at Harry.

“You smoke?”

“Course I don’t,” Harry answered, looking at me as if I were crazy. “I’m asthmatic, remember?”

“You just said-”

“Wanted to get rid of her so I can keep you to myself. Besides, we agreed to talk somewhere no one hears us.” He nudged my side, grinning cheekily when he noticed me biting back a smile. “Relax, I’m not gonna kidnap you or anything. And we’re only going outside of the building, don’t worry.”

He held out his hand and after a second of hesitation I reached out and took it. Harry wound his fingers together with mine and pulled me towards the exit. My mouth went dry at his sudden closeness and I could have broken out into a dance at how happy I felt. Heat rose to my cheeks when my gaze traveled to the bar where I met a cold, jealous stare following mine and Harry’s moves. Ciara’s piercing blue eyes lowered to the connection between mine and Harry’s hands before meeting my eyes again. Pure hatred radiated off of her and I quickly looked away to focus on Harry’s back so close before me I could feel the heat radiating off of him. I was with him and not her. She could hate on me for that as much as she wanted.

Once outside, Harry led me around the corner of the building. I flinched at the sound of a glass bottle breaking and noticed the small group of men, obviously drunk and smoking something that was clearly not a normal cigarette, standing on the other side of the road. Sensing my uneasiness, Harry gently pushed me closer to the brick wall and positioned himself in front of me so he was shielding my body from them. He gave me a reassuring smile and I relaxed. The air was cold and I was glad to have Harry this close next to me to share his body heat. Although really, I was never not glad to have him close.

“You don’t like Ciara do you?” Harry stated, saying it like he already knew the answer.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and bit my lip.

“What makes you think that?”

He raised his brows and smirked. He reached out and fixed one of the strands of hair that had fallen into my face back behind my ear. “I saw you looking at us and since you’re out here with me I figured it wasn’t me you were sending that death glare to.”

I shrugged. “Who knows? I may have.”

He fake gasped and I grinned.

“I may not like her all that much,” I admitted, “Why are you asking though?”

Harry shrugged. “It’s always good to know who dislikes the same people as I do. Says a lot about your character that you don’t try to appeal to someone like Ciara.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh please. As if you weren’t as into her as every other guy at that party is.”

“What are you talking about?” Harry asked as a frown took over his beautiful features.

In all honesty, I wasn’t quite sure why I’d said it and yet I continued anyway, watching how Harry’s face fell with each word.

“You can’t tell me you don’t like her when you clearly enjoyed having her press herself against you only minutes ago,” I stuttered on, “Unless it’s because of her body. Which would be fine, really. She’s hot, so why wouldn’t you?”

A surprised gasp escaped my lips as my back forcefully hit the brick wall. Harry stood so close in front of me I felt his breath on my skin and goosebumps covered my arms when I pressed my hands to his shoulders to maintain some distance between the two of us. It did little though as his hands still clasped my shoulders tightly and his green eyes bore into mine with such fury in them I shrunk back.

“Why are you saying that?” he growled, “You know that isn’t true.”

Harry shook his head but released me again and took a step back, further away from me.

“Why are you speaking as if I’d be the kind of person who likes having girls rubbing themselves against their bodies? Is that what you thought of me all along? That I’m the sleazy pop star who feels up a different girl every night, just the way every damn magazine has been labeling me?”

He broke off and took a deep breath to steady himself. My mouth was dry and I couldn’t find an answer as guilt crawled up my throat, knowing I’d touched upon a sensitive subject. Harry pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Thought you knew better, Y/N.”

“That wasn’t what I was saying-”

“You implied it, though. And it’s beyond me how you could make such bullshit up in that head of yours. I’ve shown you what I’m like so that you wouldn’t mistake me for one of those asses 'cause I thought that maybe you and I would-” he trailed off and huffed as his cheeks turned red.

“Harry, I-”

“Forget it”, he interrupted. He took a deep breath and I swallowed hard when the falsest of all false smiles crept onto his face. “It’s fine, whatever. Let’s just go back, yeah?”

I frowned and reached forward to take hold of his arms, pulling him back closer to me. Harry didn’t react to my whine when he shrugged off my touch. I watched as he turned around and began to walk back to the building’s entrance. I huffed and cursed myself with every insult that came to my mind. Way to ruin our first private moment in weeks.


I jumped when one of the drunk men called out from across the street and shuddered when I noticed him making his way over towards me.

“What are you doing out here alone, little one? Don’t you need someone to keep you warm, baby?” His piercing eyes eyed me and I quickly began to walk into the direction of the door, but he moved fast and blocked the way.

“That dress of yours sure does look good on you. Reckon it’d look even better on my bedroom floor, though.”

“I’m sorry, but I need to go.”

He shook his head and stepped in my way once more when I tried to dodge him. Fear cursed through me.

“M'afraid I can’t let you, babe.”

“Y/N, are you coming?”

Harry came to a stop only a few steps behind the stranger, his voice calm but certain.

“Yeah.” I nodded and met the stranger’s eyes one more time before stepping around him.

This time he let me, probably sensing Harry’s hard stare on him. I smiled in relief when Harry clasped my hand in his.

“Lay off my girlfriend, alright mate?” Harry hissed.

The man, about half a head shorter than Harry, held up his hands. “Don’t think she would’ve made a memorable fuck anyway.”

Harry looked as if he wanted to bite something back but stopped when I squeezed his fingers gently. We turned and he led me back into the building.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, “This man really creeped me out.”

“S'fine,” Harry replied. The second we were out of the man’s sight he let go of my hand and went back inside the room where the party was held before I could say anything further.

I sighed and bit my lip. He was quick to surround himself by his friends near the bar while I stayed back. I wanted to cry. My stupid jealousy had ruined everything and I hadn’t even gotten to hear what Harry had wanted to tell me.

“Staring at him won’t get you anywhere, you know?”

I turned to Hanna who had appeared by my side.


“Saw you guys enter,” she replied, “I guess he told you and you declined?”

I stared at her, confusion written all over my face. She rolled her eyes.

“Harry’s told me that he wanted to ask you out tonight,” she shrugged and took a sip of her drink, “Don’t really get how you could say no. He’s so hot I would die to see him naked.”

“Harry wanted to-” I stopped and shut my eyes as it dawned on me just how much I had ruined.

I looked back into his direction where I caught him quickly turning away from me. Oh, no he won’t. I quickly pushed past the people mingling between us. Once I reached him I took hold of his hand and pulled him away from his friends and into the direction of the bathrooms.

“Oi, Styles!” one of his friends called after us, “Get in there!”

Harry stumbled along behind me and into the bathroom, his body flinching as I shut the door behind us.

“Didn’t know you were that strong, love,” he chuckled breathlessly.

“I don’t believe any of the things those magazines say about you.”

Harry’s mouth opened at my statement but I continued before he could speak.

“You’re so kind and heartbreakingly beautiful, especially with that short hair that suits you so well and if you want to know why I said all that about you and Ciara, then it’s because I try to come to terms with me never standing a chance when you could have her!”

My voice quivered and I looked away, embarrassed by my confession.

“I’m sorry that what I said hurt you. It was stupid and not what I meant at all.”

Harry sighed and let his body fall back against the wall opposite of me. We stared at each other in silence before he cleared his throat.

“Earlier, when I asked you if we could talk, it was so I could finally come clean 'bout something I kept a secret from you.”

He smiled softly, pushed himself away from the wall and came to stand close in front of me. I leaned my back against the cold wall behind me as he stepped impossibly close.

“I’m drawn to you, Y/N,” he murmured and gently caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. “You’re all I can think about, engraved into my mind every minute of every day.”

Unlike how it had been when I made it up in my head, there was no built up to his kiss. Harry leaned in the moment he’d finished talking and pressed his lips to mine in a hesitant and gentle connection. It felt odd at first, but then I was consumed by warmth and my lips moved easily with his as he guided the kiss, both hands holding my face closer to him. I gasped when he pulled away, my heart racing. A smile graced his beautiful face.

“The thought of you alone makes me feel like I’m never alone. You’re warm and sweet and everything good I know.”

Still only centimeters away from me, I leaned in and brushed my mouth against his once again, seeking another kiss. He moaned lowly as I bit his lip and deepened the kiss while I wrapped both arms around his neck.

“Had an entire speech prepared, you know?” Harry hummed against my cheek after we broke away once again. “Has vanished from my head now though.”

I giggled and wound my fingers into his hair. “I’m sorry. I know I kinda dragged you in here.”

“S'fine. Think the point of what I wanted to say was that I like you quite a lot,” Harry continued, brushing his nose along my jaw, “Think we’d make a pretty good couple.”

I hummed and scratched his neck. It surprised me how easy this felt, having him so much closer than anyone before. Even discussing whether or not we should get together was easy.

“I agree,” I whispered.


Harry leaned in again and kissed me deeper. His hands grasped my hips and pulled them against his own, making me gasp and steadying myself by taking hold of his shoulders. No matter how long we kissed, it never felt like it was enough.

“You’re so pretty,” Harry mumbled.

“Thanks,” I giggled breathlessly and leaned back so I could look at him.

“I mean it. How could you think I’d want Ciara?” he asked and shook his head.

I raised one hand and pressed my fingers against his red lips. “Please don’t. Don’t ruin this by talking about her.”

Harry laughed.

“Won’t ever mention her again,” he promised and sealed it with another soft kiss.


I smiled and Harry shook his head as he squeezed my hips. “Go out with me.”

My heart stopped as the words I’d always longed to hear from him escaped his lips. I nodded.


Harry shrugged. “Whenever you want. But first, let’s go show you-know-whom that we’re off the market.”

I giggled as he took my hand and pulled me towards the exit of the bathroom.

Thank you for anyone who took the time to read this! I’m not sure whether or not I should leave this be as a standalone part, or if I should write a follow up. Should you want a part two, please let me know!
Feedback is very welcome and so are requests.

Here’s the link to the rest of what I wrote:


aph-khoshekh  asked:

Hey mama, how are you doing? It's spring, Mama. Finally. Only two months until my birthday, and only one until school ends. To all my fellow seedlings in school: I'm very proud of you. Good job.

Yes!!! I’m super proud of all the school seedlings as well!!!! you’ve been doing so good, just a bit longer and you can finally rest for a while!!! 


they/them/theirs pronouns. do not delete caption

art by rommy torrico, rommytorrico.com

and for this week:

No nos dejen solas! A todas les pedimos que luchen con nosotras!- Comandante Ramona y Mayor Ana María. Para la ‪Comandante Ramona‬, Mayor Ana Maria and all the mujeres indigenas fuertes, bellas y luchadoras del ‪EZLN‬ and for all the indigenous women that are still fighting, resisting, surviving and fucking thriving in our countries. I will follow you till the ends of the earth. Todo para el pueblo, siempre.

Revolutionaries die but the revolution don’t.- Yuri Kochiyama. Double whammy today (since it is the month to celebrate our API/A community and to celebrate all the mujeres) with the incredibly powerful ‪#‎YuriKochiyama‬. Everything about this woman oozes strength. In her early 20s (following the detention and death of her father, who the FBI believed was Japanese spy), Yuri was incarcerated and placed in a Japanese internment camp in Arkansas. Based on her experience of oppression in the camps, her awareness of social justice peaked and the activist vein within her started pumping hard. Once released, she moved to Harlem and as the civil rights movement started gaining momentum, her commitment to social justice deepened. From organizing boycotts as part of the Harlem Parent’s Committee in order to demand a thriving educational environment for inner-city kids, to working alongside the Republic of New Africa and other Black liberation orgs, there’s nothing she didn’t do. Her entire life was dedicated to activism, particularly focusing on denouncing US imperialism, doing organizing work to liberate political prisoners, and pushing for the US government to publicly recognize and apologize for its injustices toward the API community, specifically the Japanese internment camps. She also shared a friendship with Malcolm X (if you look at images of Malcolm’s death, you’ll see she was at his side, cradling his head when he passed). Yuri passed away last year at 93 years young. Immense gratitude and respect for your work toward liberation and solidarity. Rest in power, you radical soul

I got my civil rights!- Marsha P. Johnson. The beautiful month of March is finally upon us, and with it comes the celebration of the mujer, past, present and future story. I wanted to start off with the powerful Marsha P. Johnson, one of the founders of STAR (Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries) and an amazing activist. She is credited for being the first to fight back during the raid at the Stonewall Inn (which is now known as the Stonewall Riots). That was the night of her birthday. She and best friend Sylvia Rivera, worked with the Young Lords and the Black Panthers on various occasions. They also made it their mission to actively organize around QTPOC issues such as police brutality and homelessness (they created a shelter for homeless qtpoc youth and drag queens). Marsha was a black, bisexual, gender non conforming woman, drag queen, sex worker and activist. Marsha “Pay it No Mind” Johnson. Remember her name. If you didn’t know that trans women of color have always been at the frontlines of movements, now you do. Remember that. Trans women of color are most at risk of hate violence and police brutality and/or negligence. Remember that. 8 TRANS WOMEN, 7 WHO WERE OF COLOR, HAVE BEEN MURDERED IN THE LAST TWO MONTHS. REMEMBER THAT. And if your movement, or feminism or efforts of protection and liberation are not trans-inclusive or are constantly silencing and erasing the existence of trans folks OR if you are only angry when white or white-passing trans folks are being taken from us but do NOTHING when our black and brown trans siblings are being murdered, then you can get the hell out of here with that and get the hell away from me. ‪Marsha P. Johnson,‬ rest in so much power.

We have to learn to say the word “home” without splitting our tongues.- ‪Key Ballah‬. This whole month is ‪#‎wcw‬ on my IG and it’s still Wednesday somewhere so #wcw it is. Truth time- Pooh is completely crushing on Key Ballah’s poetry. If you don’t know who Key is or if you’ve never read any of her poetry, go visit her website, keywrites.com, and immediately after you’ve gotten your fill of feelings for the night, mosey on over to your preferred online book dealer and buy her book (Preparing My Daughter for Rain: notes on how to heal and survive). It’ll be the best decision you make in the next couple of hours. This woman is an amazing powerhouse of poetry, emotion, beauty and magic. Hands down, she’s easily in my list of top 5 poets. All the love to you, @keyballah beautiful brown girl poet support badass artists of color always always always.

Mira como nos hablan de libertad cuando de ella nos privan en realidad.- Violeta Parra. This is the first Chilean making a debut in my series. Anita Tijoux, Victor Jara, Pablo Neruda, Isabel Allende, Jorge Gonzalez y la gente Mapuche will also be making appearances cos you know I have to rep my tierra linda. Time to pay homage to a fellow compa, la Chilenita cantautora Violeta Parra. Violeta has to be the most important female folk singer and storyteller of Chile. This woman lived through so much and you can hear that when you listen to her music. La lucha, la desafianza y una voz desgarrante that shakes you right down to your core. Linda Violetita que se fue p'al cielo. Gracias por tu voz, tu arte (she was a visual artist, as well) y tu fuerza de amar.

You give me the sweetest taboo, that’s why I’m in love with you- Sade Adu. ‪Sade‬ played a really big part of my life growing up. I think hers was one of the first CDs my mom ever bought when we first got to this country. I distinctly remember it being on repeat, and even though my mother didn’t have full grasp of English at the time, she still sang along as best she could. Music that makes you remember and that transports you to a specific time in your life is to be cherished. Almost 21 years later and here I am, still listening to this queen. Timeless.


This highly fragrant spring bulb is a deterrent for nightmares. Use it in incense, sachets, dream pillows, or in oil blends to guard against nightmares and promote restful sleep and to ease the mind. You can also use it in amulets to help with grief or the pain of childbirth. Hyacinths were named for the Greek god of homosexual love, Hyakinthos, making this plant the patron herb for gay men!

Tonight’s magickal herb post is in celebration of my beautiful hyacinth that has begun to bloom! I began forcing it a few months ago and it’s finally filling the house with its scent!

In keeping with my recent string of dream magic, I’ll be keeping it in my room overnight until it fades, for an extra boost of herbal magick!

Sorry I look so disheveled in my last post, ive been having internal mini panic attacks for the last like 6 Months and I’m traveling to my sisters place to finally just have a week of no stress and no obligation but I have to take two buses there with my little sister so I have 2 be the responsible adult so basically I’m just REALLY fuckin stressed and I feel like I’m constantly ready to die

I’m still alive, I promise

Hey everyone,

Sorry I’ve been so incredibly absent from my blog. Life has been pretty insane between prepping for Step 1 and Level 1 and my social life has been nuts. I started dating one of my best friends (also in my med school class) who has secretly had a thing for me all this past year, while I also secretly had a thing for him, but he had a girlfriend so I never made a move. But then he finally had to face the reality of it, broke up with the girlfriend, and as they say the rest is history.

 We’ve been together pretty much constantly since two months ago when this all started, and its the most beautiful evolution of our friendship I could have ever hoped for. I’m not sure what the future holds, but its pretty damn awesome right now and being in a relationship with your best friend is better than I could have hoped for. Maybe I’ll devote some time to a post about this later with the whole story. 

In other news, boards are a thing. I have been doing questions since August really, and am so sick of it now but I think all the hard work is paying off. I should be at more than 11k questions by the time I take USMLE at the end of march, and I am beyond excited to finally be done thinking and talking about boards. It consumes your life, whether you want it to or not, but I can only hope that doing my best now will pay me back in the end when I want to get the residency I am hoping for. COMLEX is shortly after my Step 1, so thankfully I should be done by the begining of June. Wooohoo!

Sorry again for being the worst owner of this blog, and thanks for caring about me. For any of my fellow second years going through boards hell, keep on working hard and hold on! We are so close to the end and we’ll all look back on these days with pride.

little update 24.04.17

i decided im going to a hospital. tomorrow im gonna see my psychiatrist and talk with her about it. still, probably im gonna wait some months until i would be finally able to go there cause im pretty sure the queue is quite big. but im having my hopes maybe hospital finally will do something with me, cause its too long living like this. its better than commiting suicide isnt it. if i wont see any progress there, i consider also living there rest of my life, cause i cant see myself living in society in such state. i will update soon


wow, i was really really looking forward to this, and i thought i’d never make it, since my blog is so young and wow!! I love all of you!

so im making another follow forever to thank you guys and to let you all know how much I really truly love you all!

To some of my most favorite people: 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

i saw ur post and just want to say that /im/ currently in my Raging Crush On Porter Phase and i hate it. i too need to try my god Damn best not to be a weird fangirl about it i hate it i saw ur post and just thought so intensely "GOD i wish that were me" please god i just want to listen to some goodass music by a boy i love in a Not crush way i dont want This how long do i have until i can finally rest i am so tired


like,,,,gotdam,,,,,hes such a good music boy who puts lots of effort into his art and then Suddenly ur weird inner gushy fangirl decides to ruin everything  an d d sajkflnsdjhnernkv ur in my thoughts friend. hang in there. you will be able to purely enjoy his music one day. it took me like uuuuuuh 8 months to get over this shit and im so thankful to be free

anonymous asked:

how do you know if youre in love? ive been dating a girl for a month and shes all i think about, when she kisses me i fall apart, i yearn for her always. sometimes i rest my head on her shoulder when she sings and plays guitar, or when its dusk and dewy and i see her beside me asleep in bed, or when i see her smiling to herself i think i finally understand what all the pathetic love songs are about. if i do, how far in do most people drop the L word? is a month to soon?

I think if it’s real love, nothing’s too soon. Say what you need to say.