but it's my favourite scene

like…listen…everything is messy as hell and Lukas is in a really bad place and it’s all stressful as anything but…that scene with Philip and Lukas and Anne…where Lukas admits out loud to someone other than Philip, that he likes Philip and it’s hard for him…and Anne reassured him it was ok and kissed his cheek…I’d like to thank each and every deity for that scene because it cleansed my skin and watered my crops and added years to my life


Favourite Acting Scenes – Isak’s confession about his ‘thing’ with Even to his friends (6.10/7.10)

A request from the lovely @dahlstrom. I personally dislike the term “coming out” so I try to avoid it.

It doesn’t happen too often that you repeat scenes in television series or films. On stage, it’s possible that you perform the same scene hundreds of times, either in rehearsal or during the show that’s being performed daily. And every time you have to bring in new energy, perform as if it has never happened to you before. This means that every time you act this scene, you get a little more comfortable in it. Now, this is not necessarily the case for these two scenes, although I am sure they’ve rehearsed them: in these two scenes, the story, the content, and the climax are all the same. It’s about telling some friends about something which you have struggled with personally, telling the truth and hoping that they don’t see you in a different light. So what exactly makes these scenes so the same yet so compellingly different? It’s about knowing the context, the background and interaction you have with different people in your life. Although the themes in the scenes may be familiar, it’s through the acting (and very strong writing) that you truly see how Isak sees himself in relation to the others in his friend group, and what kind of reactions he expects when confronting them with this new information about himself.

Let’s take a look at Isak’s relationships with his friends, and here I will be focusing on Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus in particular. These are the people he feels he needs to tell this information to. Jonas is his best friend, and they’re as close as two friends can be: they trust each other, worry about each other, turn to each other when there are some troubles with girlfriends or family members, and they call in third years to beat up people with bottles because they’ve hurt their friend. This is a storyline that has been established since the first season; it’s a bit harder to guess with Mahdi and Magnus. Going off on the Mahdi’s comment in the first episode, Isak has only become friends with him fairly recently, and through Jonas’s Need for Weed. Because David’s appeared within Tarjei’s vicinity before in season 1, I’d like to think Isak and Magnus have known each other for a while but were just regular, not that really close, friends before. Maybe they’ve just started hanging out more during the summer.

In any case, I believe none of these boys are homophobic purposively; it’s just language that they’ve grown up with and never really thought about critically before. Still, words can hurt, and Isak has internalized these words and feels they conflict so much with who he is that he even uses them sometimes to emphasize this. Ha, that word? That ain’t me! But look at that guy! But then, everything changes when Even is introduced and he is truly confronted with how these boys, who have thrown around these words carelessly, will react to him actually being attracted to a boy. Isak has had some experience telling this to Eskild, but was that truly ever going to be a problem for him, a guy who is truly comfortable with who he is and who he is attracted to? No.

In 6.10 Isak’s gone through a pretty terrible week, and really, really needs to talk to someone. He chooses Jonas, who has already confirmed himself to be a wonderful friend by waiting for Isak and telling him to come to him if he needed to.

Now, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Jonas has called out Isak’s homophobic comment about the dancer earlier this season: it made it clear to Isak that even though Jonas has used that language before, he doesn’t seem to accept it now when it references someone personally. I think Isak knows, somewhere deep down, that Jonas will be okay with it. So after a weird, extremely bro-ey, conversation about vomiting, the time has come to tell him.

Even though you have a feeling that someone will be fine with what you’re telling them, it can still be quite scary to say it out loud. All of this is because of a person I like. Isak stops eating here, it’s so nerve wrecking that he can’t eat anymore. You see in his eyes that he’s truly nervous about this; he can’t look away, he needs to see Jonas’s reaction. And then, just as he did with Eva, he asks him to guess who it is. Once again, he’s truly hoping that Jonas already knows; he’s seen Even a few times already, more so than the other guys. After a few female guesses, and Jonas trying to get Isak to tell him straight-up, Isak gives him the final hint.

It’s not a girl.

And Marlon’s reaction to this is so good, it’s barely noticeable. You see him giving the tiniest of smiles (ah. Finally), he keeps on eating (truly Isak, cool information but this kebab needs eating), and makes a joke (it’s even okay if you’re attracted to me. I don’t mind.). And Isak is truly thankful for this, for him. He smiles again. And, because Jonas is an observant and very caring person, he knows who Isak is talking about. No explanation needed.

This is where I think the difference lies with the other scene in 7.10: this scene is focused on Isak’s attraction to Even, not necessarily to boys. Jonas makes it all about Isak himself, how he feels, what the deal is with this Even guy. He keeps smiling to him as well. That’s what Isak needed to have this week: not an inquisition about his sexuality, but a conversation about the complicated situation with this guy he’s been seeing.

Isak’s confession to Mahdi and Magnus is also in a different context: Isak needs to tell them personally because the chance that someone else will tell them is pretty big. Also, this wasn’t the situation he had in mind for telling them this. So in this scene, Tarjei uses his ability to wobble his voice again: he stumbles nervously through this confession. Unfortunately, these guys, and especially Magnus, aren’t as observant as Jonas is, so Isak tries really hard to make them understand what he’s saying. Please just get it. I find it so hard to say already, not knowing what you’ll think of me.

Magnus’s reaction is very true to real life for some people: he’s been idolizing Isak for his womanizing skills, so this is information that does change his idea of him a bit. His eyes and mouth almost fall open, his jaw’s almost on the ground. This is the reaction that Isak might’ve anticipated, and this is scary. Fortunately, Mahdi is a very forgiving and understanding person, so he changes the conversation to sexuality, lifting the pressure on Isak a bit. This is a reaction that Isak hasn’t had before, neither did he expect it. He keeps looking around, only coming back into the conversation when Magnus, trying to be cool about it, calls him that awful word. But he’s still the same Isak, and Magnus is still the same oblivious person, their dynamic hasn’t changed. Even I got more game with girls and I don’t even like them. Isak vs. Magnus, 1-0.

These two scenes were heavily influenced by the background of the characters that the actors portray, and they showed that so powerfully in the writing and acting as well. Telling people about your attraction to the same gender, whether it’s homosexuality, bisexuality, or pansexuality, is something that will happen continuously in life, and every time results in different emotions and conclusions. This is realistic: it’s hard with some people, with others, you’re a bit more relaxed. But just as was the case with Isak, maybe it’s a bigger deal inside your head than outside of it. However, it’s your decision to make.

 Previous parts: here.

Lost Then Found

Chapter 4: Broken dreams

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

He had too much time on his hands.

Not being able to walk around much, Matteo spent most of his time now laying in his bed, trying to decide what hurt more – his bruised ankle or his heart. Though, to be fair, it wasn’t a hard decision to make. The descripted painkillers were strong enough to numb whatever pulsating feeling he had in his foot, but there was no such cure for the pain sitting in his chest. For the last two days, the picture of Luna leaving him played over and over in his mind. Her back turned towards him. Her skates constantly moving away from him. Her cold shoulder he knew better than her eyes by now.

Matteo couldn’t believe Luna had left, just like that. It never occurred to him as a thing she’d be able to do. She was so loyal to the ones she cared about, always fighting for them like a lion mother. Apparently, he no longer belonged to those lucky people.

The bitter sensation of this harsh truth shattered his heart into pieces. With each day, it became more clear that he needed Luna, her light, her warmth. Needed it, her, like the earth needed the sun. But as the sun, she moved on without a second thought.

“How are you feeling?”, his mother wanted to know whenever she checked up on him. Each time, pretending nothing was wrong got harder. How she didn’t notice his struggle remained beyond him.

Gastón, however, did as soon as he came over. Naturally. He noticed it in the time it took Matteo to smile at him, and in the small sighs that slipped out of his mouth from time to time. The hug Gastón greeted his best friend with lasted a few seconds longer than usual.

“Does Luna even care that I’m hurt?”, Matteo asked at one point. He looked miserable on his bed, a bandage around his foot and his gaze fixed on the ceiling. “Of course she does”, Gastón hurried to say.

Matteo only snorted. “She didn’t even look at me once.”

“That’s not true. She did, when we carried you out. That’s probably why you didn’t notice, but she kept her eyes on you all the time.” Carefully, Gastón watched his best friend. He remembered Luna’s worried expression, the guilt and wished Matteo would have seen it too.

“I wish I could believe you.” Matteo paused, hesitated, before adding: “Did I tell you that she asked Tamara to cut her hours down immediately after she saw me again?”

For a moment, Gastón was taken aback. “No, you didn’t.” Then, he took a deep breath and searched for the right words. “But I’m sure, it’s, uh, nothing. Maybe she panicked, maybe it didn’t have anything to do with you? Maybe her parents want to make sure she has enough time for homework?”

“Nothing? This isn’t nothing”, Matteo replied. The hurt in his eyes hadn’t left just like his hope hadn’t returned. “She’s running away from me. All the time. I bet she hates me now.” His voice broke during the last sentence. It wasn’t the first time this idea struck him. So far, though, he had always pushed it away. Now, it hit him with full force, making it hard to breathe.

“Matteo, no”, Gastón nearly shouted, “She doesn’t hate you, she couldn’t. She can’t. If she’d really hate you, she wouldn’t have been this wrecked about you leaving. You should have seen her, she wasn’t herself anymore.” Silence filled the room. Only the sound of a clock slowly ticking in the background broke through. “She still isn’t”, Matteo resumed.

There was another question eating him from the inside. “How much time is she spending on the rink right now?” He knew the answer when Gastón sighed defeated. “Matteo…” It didn’t stop him. “No. Tell me. Please. I need to know.”

His heart needed to realize the mess he had made. And he deserved this, for hurting her, for not being brave enough to tell his parents the truth and to make up for his mistakes. “She’s catching up on a lot of training”, Gastón finally admitted. If Matteo tried hard enough, it didn’t even hurt as much.

He couldn’t sleep the night before he was allowed to join the training again. Many scenarios ran through his head, but they all ended in Luna ignoring or leaving him. A few tears around midnight turned into a constant stream on his cheeks by morning. He got used to it. And when he finally saw Luna, there were no more tears left.

She turned around at the sound of his skates. For a moment, he felt the intensity of her eyes on him like a fire on his skin. He tried not to look back at her while he warmed up. But it was hard, because he missed her and she still was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and she didn’t stop staring.

Suddenly, Luna stopped in front of him. Gastón had just opened his mouth, probably to make another pun, only to close it again. Matteo had no time to wonder if she stood here on purpose, if she wanted something, because their eyes locked and time froze.

However, she turned away quickly, fixing the ground, his ankle. “How are…”, Luna began. Matteo waited for more to come, a smile, another glimpse, an end to the question hanging in the air. All he got was Tamara’s voice, calling them.

She never finished her sentence. Instead, she fled and skated over to Simón. During training, they focused on the group choreography. No matter how many times he checked, she stayed as close to her best friend as possible. Eventually he noted how a smile reappeared on her face, along with the aura of easiness usually surrounding her. Once in a while, he gave himself the permission to steal a glimpse at her just for a minute. 

In return, Ámbar shot Matteo prompting glances, as if to say Make a move, Balsano. That’s when he turned away. If Luna couldn’t ask him as much as a simple question without being uncomfortable, she was better off without him. In the end, her happiness was all that mattered. He’d get over it, over her, and watch from a distance. One day, maybe even without this lump in his throat, or new tears sparkling in his eyes.

While the others left for the bar after Tamara ended the training, Matteo sat down on the bleachers. Soon, the rink was filled with other skaters and for a while, he got lost observing them. He didn’t care that he was still wearing his skates, or that he heard Luna laughing alongside of Simón and Ámbar from a distance. Or at least he tried not to care about the latter.

Next thing he knew, Gastón joined him. “Hey, Matteo. No need to make a face like the moon just disappeared.” No reaction. “What, not even an eyeroll? Come on, you know I’m just kidding! And anyway, I know you might not believe me, but I just wanted to make sure you know that the moon itself totally stared at you when you weren’t looking.” That caught Matteo’s attention. “She did?”

Gastón grinned. “Absolutely.” Matteo’s head felt dizzy while he searched for a way to make sense of it all. Looks didn’t change anything. No matter how long or often they occurred. They weren’t enough to let him hope again. He needed something meaningful, something solid. Words would do, or actions, a small gesture, but if she only looked at him, there was nothing to believe in. “Well, Ámbar looked at me too today, but that doesn’t mean she wants me back”, Matteo commented. At a loss, Gastón watched him leave.

Luna sighed, before resting her head on the desk. This biology homework became more and more of a headache, although she started two hours ago. There hadn’t even been time to go to the rink after school. As a result, she felt the energy inside piling up. Her hands fidgeted with everything they got a hold of, and her foot tapped along to an inaudible melody. Right now, she wished she was less dependent on skating – without being able to release some of the rising energy, she couldn’t focus for the life of her.

A memory popped up, of Matteo and her, how she told him her battery never ran out. Luna sat up again. She needed to stop thinking about him, there were better things to do. Things less painful, less upsetting. Just five more minutes of homework, then she’d take a break. Without that stupid Italian boy on her mind.

“Hey, Luna.”

No. She knew that voice, knew it very well. Nevertheless, Luna couldn’t help but turn around to him with raised eyebrows and an open mouth. He leaned against the doorframe, wearing a ridiculously good-looking shirt. What was he doing here?

“May I come in?”, Matteo asked.

“Why are you here?” She spat the words out and hated how her voice got higher at the end. Just seeing him standing there messed more with her brain than any homework ever could. Him in her room was something she had only considered a possibility for a very short amount of time in her life.

“We have training today”, he explained, “But you didn’t show up, or answered your phone for that matter. And we can only work on the choreography when everyone’s there.” His eyes avoided her. Instead, they wandered through the room without really seeing anything. A question sat on the tip of her tongue, urging to burst out. She felt unable to ask him, though. Why are you the one to pick me up? And then, why you, when you avoided me over the last week just as much as I avoid you? When you won’t look at me anymore?

“I didn’t, I mean, I was doing homework”, she said instead. “Can you finish it after training?” Luna nodded. While she packed her bag, she was glad to have a reason to keep her eyes away from him. It would be hard enough to get to the Jam&Roller, just alone with him. Of all things, she needed to stay cool, and most importantly in control.

With her back to Matteo, there was no way for her to see the shocked expression on Matteo’s face as he discovered something. Something she later wished he hadn’t noticed at all. “Luna, did you – did you put your awards away? Because I am pretty sure Tamara isn’t keeping them at the rink…”For a second, she stared at him, lost for an answer. Since they met in Cancun, he read her as if she was an open book, and he seriously had to stop. Hurrying up to get ready (and meanwhile keeping silent), she hoped to make sure he wouldn’t see the one award standing on her cupboard.

She should have known better. Either Luna was too slow, or Matteo was too fast. “No way. That’s the one where we finished second. When Simón didn’t make it in time.”

The confusion was written all over his face. His jaw had dropped a bit. A frown showed up on his forehead. Hesitantly, he took a step forward, but stopped himself as soon as he realized she hadn’t invited him in. Luna sighed. “Come in if you must.” In return, the left corner of his mouth pulled up, forming the closest thing to his usual smile she had seen in a while. (Which didn’t justify the fuzzy feeling spreading in her stomach, or the shiver running over her back.)

His fingers slowly ran over the metal, the entire way from the top down to the engraving. Luna thought of the ending to the choreography, how she had allowed herself to get lost in his eyes. The tender sensation of his lips. His steady grip on her waist, while the world disappeared around them. Did he remember that moment right this second, too? She wanted to ask him, more than anything, but she knew better than that. She rather held her breath, too afraid he might come up with another question.

“Why is it here?” There it was, hanging in the air but feeling like a punch in the stomach. Luna didn’t mean to tell him the truth. An excuse sat already on the tip of her tongue. Yet, it slipped. It slipped because the intensity of his eyes on her burned down the walls built to protect herself. It slipped because that look was enough to remind her of how it had been. How it should be now. And because it reminded her of all the nights she still woke up with his name on her lips.

“Because it’s the only one I care about.”


“Erik… you came for me.”

Fic Recs: Space Jam by @pangeasplits: (57k)

Prince Charles Xavier is Deputy Commander of the TEF Heartsteel and the newest mission they’ve been assigned starts out less than desirable and quickly goes downhill from there. It’s alright, though, he’ll cope.

It doesn’t help, though, that he’s in unrequited love with his best friend and Commander of the Heartsteel, War-Prince Erik Lehnsherr.

(an improvement of this)


I thought, at first, he’d struck a match, but the fire at his fingertips bloomed, swallowing his hand, devouring the arm he sent flying toward Jarvin’s face. There was screaming, so much screaming, as the fires around us grew, catching the soldiers behind him and engulfing them in a wave of heat that sent them running down the hall, stumbling over one another until they finally collapsed. The smell of burned skin made my stomach convulse. I couldn’t escape it.
“Holy shit, you’re—!” one of the agents began to say.
One of us, my mind finished, shutting down at the sight of the fire between Cole’s fingers again, the way he threw a ball of it at the agent who had spoken. How he stoked it, letting it rip over the screaming man’s body until I could only see the dark silhouette trapped in the flames dancing over his skin.

No—no, he was—Cole was too old, he wasn’t—
“Hey—hey!” The fire was gone now, but Cole’s hands were still hot to the touch as he tried to haul me to my feet. My legs still weren’t there. He tried lightly slapping my face. “Shit…kid, come on. You can do this; I know you can.”
“You…” I tried to say. “You just…”

infinite elijah scenes

We deserve to live. We are better than they are. // Are we?