but it's funny to me okay

One time in grade school, I was sitting around minding my own business, when some other kid walked up to me. I don’t remember anything about this kid– name, gender, anything. I only remember what happened next.

The kid said, “I won a pig.”

I didn’t have any context for this. I didn’t know this kid, and our school was in the city. It’s not like there were any contests going around where the prize was a pig. Not that I knew of, anyway. And if there were, why would it be any of my business? My mind didn’t really know what to do with this information.

So my mind did what it always does when it can’t think of anything else to do. It made a really pitifully horrible pun.

I said, “I TWO a pig.”

And the other kid went along with this, and said, “I three a pig.”

And we kept going, four a pig, five a pig, and so on–

–all the way until the other kid says “I seven a pig,” and I answer, “I eight a pig.”

And then I realize this was all a setup– one of those elaborate grade school jokes where you try to get someone to say something rude or embarrassing like “liquor and rubber buns” or “ICUP.” Yeah, very funny. I ate a pig.

And it wasn’t till years later that I realized how much of a leap of faith this kid took. They walked up to me with NO context and said “I won a pig,” just TRUSTING that I would carry the joke all the way to its natural conclusion.

Did they somehow know my pun-obsessed mind well enough to predict that I would make that specific pun on “won” and “one”? Even though I didn’t have any idea who they were?

Or did they actually forget that you’re supposed to explain the rules of the joke first (“okay, you repeat what I said, but with the next number!”) and did they just happen to get incredibly lucky?

Or maybe they actually freaking won a pig, and were just trying to tell me about it,  and
when I made a pun they just decided to run with it, and it was sheer coincidence that it just accidentally turned into a joke.

I want to find this kid, someday, and ask what the crap was going on. Too bad I have no idea who they were.

Stuff My Dad Said During Hamilton (Act 1)
  • Hamilton: Is this that musical that has made you obsessed with dead people?
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: If someone started rhyming my name I would leave. It's so annoying.
  • My Shot: Okay they asked who he was - this - this is not the answer to their question. Oh wait now he's spelling his name - YOU KNOW IN THIS TIME MANY PEOPLE WERE ILLITERATE!
  • The Story Of Tonight: Okay so here's drunk dudes being pals and so not flirting with each other.
  • The Schuyler Sisters: AND PEGGY IS MY NEW MOTTO!
  • Farmer Refuted: You said this was the High School Musical dude right? (Me: Yeah.) STICK TO THE STATUS QUO ALEXANDER!
  • You'll Be Back: Okay George whichever shut up and let America rebel. Rebellion is good - *turns to me* That being said ever start to rebel and you'll be grounded till you die.
  • Right Hand Man: Burr got BURR-NED! Get it? Cause Burr. Burrned. It's funny you're just being stupid.
  • A Winter's Ball: Didn't we already listen to - oh wait no this is different.
  • Helpless: Oh God I hope girls don't act like this. *I give him a confused/dirty look* I mean you should make a boy beg for you not fall at his knees. You should make him helpless.
  • Satisfied: This song is just....*exploding hand moves and noise*....Feelings.
  • The Story of Tonight (Reprise): Another drunk song. And the French dude. (Me: Lafayette) Okay well I'm gonna call him French Fry.
  • Wait For It: Did everyone cheat in this time?
  • Stay Alive: Fucking Charles Lee man. Who's Charles Lee?
  • Ten Duel Commandments: They keep saying "Most Disputes Die And No One Shoots" I feel like they're lying to me...
  • Meet Me Inside: Uh ph, Daddy Washington is mad.
  • That Would Be Enough: How do they know it's a boy? I don't think they had ways to tell in this time.
  • Guns And Ships: Rap off. This dude (Me: Daveed) Yeah him, versus like, Eminem, Jay-Z and...uh other rappers.
  • History Has Its Eyes on You: Okay this went from fun to deep...
  • Yorktown: You know we live an hour from this site...*Looks out window*...We should go and reinact this.
  • What Comes Next: Oh right. Georgey is still there. He can piss off.
  • Dear Theodosia: I feel one of them will die...just how everything is worded. AJ, do I get...feels in this?
  • Lauren's Interlude: Wait what the fuck...is he? Oh my God. Alex's boyfriend!
  • Non-Stop: This is too cheery for killing someone. I quit.

there’s something about even’s little nod in this scene 

because even knows. he’s not oblivious, he notices the way isak reacts to his presence, to him. he’s been noticing him for weeks, weeks before they first met. he saw the way isak was when he came over to his place the previous week, he saw the look in his eyes, the light in his eyes, he saw the way he smiled and laughed, he noticed the changes in his voice. he probably memorized his facial expressions and the things he said last friday. kept replaying them in his mind every single day, in class, before going to bed, when he was with other people 

earlier in that episode, when he came to give isak his snapback, in a matter of seconds, he understood that isak hadn’t told his friends he had gone to his place, he understood that he didn’t want them to know. because he sees and understands. he remembered the cardamom on the cheese toasties five weeks later, how they were sitting on the floor of his room as they ate them, he remembered isak saying he had a drop of water in his throat, he remembered isak talking about parallel universes. because he pays such close attention to isak and the way he looks and moves and speaks and all the things he says

do you think that even, who saw this boy on the first day of school, who was probably looking forward to seeing him even when it was just at school, in public, in rooms and hallways with other students, would not notice how isak was acting? notice the way he’s been looking at him the moment he showed up at his place for the pregame? the way he starred at him when he kissed sonja and looked at him straight in the eyes? how tensed he was as he told him about sonja and how they’d been together for years? the intonation of his voice as he said his okay’s (been together since we were 15. okay. can’t dump her. okay). do you think that even who’s been desperately trying to spend time alone with this boy he was falling for would not notice the smile that spread all over isak’s face when he realized that even was messing with him, the smile he was trying to stop it, in vain? do you think he would not sense his attraction to him? the vulnerability?

of course even notices. and since he came to see isak in his kitchen, he’s only been kidding, pretending not to be serious. but with that little nod, he grows more serious. with that little nod, it’s like he’s saying i see you, i see it, i’ve seen you for a while. it’s reassuring. it’s okay. it’s understanding. i know, isak. i know. me too

beanies-and-bands98  asked:

Are you okay??? I keep seeing everyone giving you positive reassurances (which I mean you should always get cause you are an absolute sunshine) but like I hope you're not feeling down because you are too nice and caring and beautiful and absolutely funny. You can make anyone smile and feel cared for, it's a good talent to have and you make use of it too! Your such a caring soul and you mean so much to us and so much more to me. Please don't feel sad Thomas! Please don't let the sunshine go away.

Hahah you’re incredibly sweet. I just have really bad self-image and self-worth issues, and I struggle with them all the time. People have been very sweet, but please don’t worry too much! You’re all not responsible for me, you got enough going on in your lives. I gotta deal with and learn from things myself, but you’re very very kind for checking in!

The signs when their crush is staring at them
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>Aries:</b> I FUCKING KNEW IT. Soulmates, can we made out already?<p/><b>Taurus:</b> Omfg, what should I do now? *hit them with food*<p/><b>Gemini:</b> "Oh, hi. Do you wanna marry me?"<p/><b>Cancer:</b> *dies*<p/><b>Leo:</b> Too fabulos even for you. Kiss my ass, I know you want to.<p/><b>Virgo:</b> It's rude to stare at someone but it's okay if you stare at me.<p/><b>Libra:</b> "Just so you know, if you'll stare at me more than 5 minutes you will have to pay."<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> *stares back harder* I could do this all day<p/><b>Saggitarius:</b> Tries to do something funny, ends up in hospital<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> Resting bitch face on the outside, dies on the inside.<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> Stares back or just ignores them. No in between.<p/><b>Pisces:</b> Am I dreaming or what?<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
BTS as things my friends have said in History class...
  • Seokjin: Why is no one in this textbook good-looking?
  • Yoongi: It was 1932... No, 1935. Wait! 1939! That's right - I know my dates.
  • Hoseok: Okay but imagine how fabulous I would have been in that century!
  • Namjoon: *asks for another two pieces of paper* How have you guys only used one side of A4?
  • Taehyung: *deep in thought* I need to think of something epic I can do so that they put me in one of these textbooks
  • Jimin: ... It's times like this when I lose faith in humanity
  • Jungkook: *points at a picture of a random guy in the book* That's you! *starts laughing his head off*
BTS as things my friends have said at the cinema...
  • Seokjin: It's so dark in here... I spent like an hour on my make-up and no one can even see it
  • Yoongi: *falls asleep and wakes up at the end of the movie* That was a crap film
  • Hoseok: *is the only person in the room laughing at a joke* wow, that's funny! *starts applauding really loudly*
  • Namjoon: I'm not crying, okay? This is a kids movie and the characters aren't even that likeable so don't accuse me of crying, alright? *wipes away a tear*
  • Taehyung: I can't believe this is my fourth time watching this movie and it's only been showing for a week
  • Jimin: I'm gonna pretend that the guy in front of me isn't eating his popcorn at an unreasonable volume and that the kid behind me isn't kicking my chair *fake smile*
  • Jungkook: Called it! *jumps up and nearly knocks over his drink* I fucking told you that would happen!

An aro or ace: hey it’s not okay to dehumanize me or otherwise treat me like shit

Exclusionists: funny, ACE TUMBLR™ has been shitty to people. Why do you, ace tumblr personified, want us to treat u with basic decency now? That’s a bit hypocritical don’t you think. Like maybe think about this again. Is it really a problem if we dehumanize you?

  • *Shinoa squad during a blackout*
  • Yuu: I can't see shit
  • Mika: what the- WHO TOUCHED MY BUTT?!
  • Kimizuki: why are you even asking? It's obvious idiot-Yuu did
  • Yuu: hey-!
  • Yoichi: I-it was me. I'm sorry, Mika, it was an accident.
  • Mika: it's okay but SOMEONE IS STILL TOUCHING MY BUTT
  • Shinoa: oops! My bad, I thought it was Mitsu's
  • Mitsuba: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!
  • Mika: this isn't funny, someone's still touching my butt!
  • Kimizuki: this time's Yuu, for sure
  • Narumi: it isn't Yuu...
  • Everyone: ...
  • Mika: ...please stop it
  • Narumi: hey, I already have
  • Yuu: okay, it really was me this time, but in my defense I think I deserve to touch my boyfriend's butt more than the rest
  • Mika: WHAT YOU DESERVE IS A SLAP
  • Tae: jimin be mine
  • Tae: marry me
  • Jimin: tae it's 10 fucking am
  • Jimin: and you just woke up
  • Jimin: you dont know what you're sayin
  • Tae: i woke up at 6am i'm in my right mind
  • Tae: marry me
  • Jimin: tae i'm dating jungkook!
  • Jimin: he's gonna kill you if he hears this
  • Tae: just marry me
  • Tae: he can marry me too
  • Tae: i'll take care of both of you
  • Tae: my wives
Vmin Cooking Time
  • Cookbook: Step One: Prepare the chicken.
  • Taehyung, holding the chicken close: It's gonna be okay, chicken. Just tell me when you're ready.
  • Jimin: NOT THAT KIND OF PREPARING