but it's funny in a way

I have made the pettiest Tiefling ever

So the next story has 3 ‘chapters’. My tiefling, Curiosity, is origionally from the abyss, and only recently came to the material plane. She doesnt know any customs or most concepts from there either, so is confused alot.

Recently she started traveling with a gnome bard, and apart from the ¾ feet height difference, they are starting to warm up to each other.

She is also *very* petty.

-chapter 1; ‘What is a joke?’-
While walking to their next destination, Curiosity and Glum the gnome have some small talk.

Curiosity(me); 'So mister gnome, you mentioned a 'joke’ before, do explain what this is.’

Gnome: 'oh, yknow, its when you use words in a clever way to make something sound funny’

Curiosity: 'hmm, very well’

-Chapter 2; setting up a 'joke’-
After defeating the big bad boss, Curiosity decides to challenge Glum to a fight.

Curiosity: 'Mister gnome, how about we spar tommorow morning?’

Gnome (semi in character): 'no way, you’ll beat the shit out of me’

This goes back and forth for a while

Curiosity: 'what if i say ill give you my five gold if you win’

Gnome: 'my dear, that was all you had to say’

-Chapter 3; the 'joke’-

During the battle, which was going quite well for curiosity with her long range spells, the Gnome decides to dig himself in, giving him full cover. Me being the wuss i am is too scared to come close, since he has 3 weapons he can use against me in close range, and was already healing himself up, decided to do the following;

Curiosity: 'very well, after i blast the area around the hole a few times and set the area on fire, i walk near the hole, stamp down some grass, and put a blanket with my five gold on it, then i just walk back to town’

After the gnome sat there waiting for ten minutes, he noticed i was gone and saw the money, and decided to make his way back to town.

When he walked into the place i was resting in, Curiosity told him;
'So that, mister gnome, was a joke, correct?’

(To his credit, he did counter with 'no, you are what i call a joke’, touche @znorkinator )

3

As You Were - S2 E20

So, a perfect steak is medium rare, which means the inside is very pink. So why is a perfect steak considered “manly”?

I mean, Men^TM do everything to prove they’re not even remotely feminine, but wouldn’t eating something pink be too feminine? Because of course genders have their assigned colors. So logically, Men^TM shouldn’t eat steak, unless it’s entirely well done (and ruined).

Also, bloody steak is totally the food of people who menstruate.

Chemical Infatuation

summary: in which peter and the reader are paired up to work on a science project together and go to her house to work on it. (fluff)

word count: 2,256

A/N: this is actually my first ever fic on tumblr ! i hope that you like it and feel free to drop by and tell me how you feel about it! i also accept requests if you have something that you’d like me to write !!

Keep reading

oopalehyn  asked:

Lineage Fluff: Yoda with Obi-Wan, Anakin and Ahsoka (and Plo Koon as adopted member), please?

“Funny this not is.” Yoda offered, tone grumpy.

“Kind of is.” Ahsoka returned to overwhelming silence. “…Sorry.” She offered sheepishly.

“…Itchy my butt is.” Yoda sighed.

“THAT is way more information then I needed to know Master Yoda.” Ahsoka groaned and then stared down into the pit with glowing eyes being aimed at them. “…I really don’t wanna know what kind of animals those are.” She sighed.

“I’m sure master Kenobi and Knight Skywalker will be here soon.” Plo offered pleasantly.

The three swung a bit at the wind going through the cave, hanging chained up together upside down over the pit of hungry animals blow them who were starting to growl pretty loudly. “…I’m sure.” Plo added again.

“Your faith in my master is awe inspiring Master Plo.” Ahsoka sighed.

There was a little pause.

“Spy with my little eye I do, green it is.” Yoda announced.

Ahsoka blinked, her lekkus hanging down and Plo gave a low hum.

“A..Are you saying we should play I spy?”

“Green it is.” Yoda said firmly.

“Is it that alge covered rock over there?” Plo questioned, mask hissing as he took a deep breath.

“No.” Yoda’s voice was smug.

“…Is it the stalagmite by the cave opening?” Ahsoka tried.

“…Yes.” Yoda grumbled a bit.

“Heh, I win. I spy with my little eye something yellow.”

Eighteen rounds of ‘I spy’ and four ‘Twenty questions’ rounds later, there was finally a shift in the Force as Anakin raced into the cave with wide eyes, Obi-Wan following close behind with his saber held up high for light.

“There you are! Snips I told you to stick cl-Master Yoda!?” Anakin yelped.

Obi-Wan stared at them and then slowly raised his brows in the green light. “Master Yoda, Master Koon, this is a surprise…”

“Don’t look at me. I have no idea how they ended up here.” Ahsoka shrugged.

“We happened to be in the vicinity when we heard little ‘Soka’s distress call and decided to lend her a helping hand…unfortunate Ohnaka decided to string us up and leave us behind after electrocuting us.” Plo offered diplomatically.

Obi-Wan and Anakin traded looks then Anakin had to turn around though all three could see the mans shaking shoulders.

He was laughing.

“Skyguy!” Ahsoka snarled.

“Oh come on! You guys got electrocuted and strung up by Ohnaka and his crew!” Anakin gasped out, letting out a chuckle.

“Yeah well you and Master Obi-Wan got drugged and electrocuted!” She pouted.

Obi-Wan just rolled his eyes, looking faintly amused. “Yes well… lets get you three away from there and back to our waiting ship hmm? I’m rather sure Commander Wolffle is worried about you Master Koon.”

“Ah, that would be good, yes I’m sure the Commander is getting a bit angsty.”

Yoda gave a loud huff. “And enjoying our games I was…”

my-little-koneko  asked:

Jason headcanon please emom ?

He can grow facial hair but he usually shaves it off because it gets in the way of his make up so he just usually shaves it off.

Jason: Fingerless gloves are awesome!!

Everyone else: *laughs* no

He’s a slut for ghost shows and mystery documentaries. He likes to watch the camera guy freak out at a tiny crack thinking its fucking Satan, he thinks it’s pretty funny.

  • Me: I hate jokes about different countries not having certain foods or doing things a different way. Like of course other countries are different its really not that funny. It literally just a way for people to feel superior to a whole country under the guise of a joke.
  • Some unsourced post: Some Americans drink hot chocolate with water instead of milk
  • Me, laughing with tears: You fools... You poor, tiny munchkins. You are like a babe...... You have so much to learn..... and I will teach you

anonymous asked:

i read an answer somewhere on another tumblr and they say you're not even a native English speaker ... if i hadn't seen that ask, i would have never guessed. your writing is incredibly powerful and there is such a strange yet accurate depth to your words ... Bravo to you, seriously. Keep up the good work!

Awwww thank you for this message! It truly means a lot, to me.

Funny story about that, I’m indeed a native French speaker and for a long long time, I hated English and its simple yet weird rules, the totally different organization in writting, spelling and sentence building and the impossible sounds to articulate (or not). It took me years to actually like this language and to start paying attention to it, I think I started after high-shcool so yeah I was over 18yo when I let English “seduce” me, in a way. 

It took even longer for me to write in English and I have to thanks @racheltuckerrr & @cat-danvers for being my most reliable and loyal betas because I can promise you, sometimes, I do speak and write in Franglish (a not so pleasant mixture of French and English …)

But seriously, THANK YOU for this message ♥

pinklovingfighter  asked:

i clicked on the wrong links ;; i went to your tumblr tags instead. if i can try this again, i like the design with the cat shaped by hearts :D

its okay a lot of ppl have been doing this. most dont realize their mistake so at least you caught it!!!

url: not my style | okay | good | cute | very cute | amazing | perfect

icon: not my style | okay | good | cute | very cute | amazing | perfect

theme: not my style | okay | good | cute - i woud make your navigation font darker because its kind of hard to read. also i would try to push your posts a little more to the center because theyre all the way to the left and all the empty space on the right looks funny? idk | very cute | amazing | perfect

posts: not my style | okay | good | cute | very cute | amazing | perfect

overall: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

following: no, sorry but ily | yes, ofc! | now | always

if you also want this, click here

Talking with writers online

Their stories: Amazing grammar, soaring vocabulary, beautiful imagery and prose which flows like a river.

In chats: no capitalisation or punctuation, swears like a sailor, misspellings everywhere, acronyms and abbreviations every five words, idek

i know it’s kind of a meme in the fandom that viktor thought making A SCENE and greeting yuuri naked in japan but i think that was completely unintentional? which makes it even funnier imo?

allow me to explain

i don’t know exactly how long after yuuri’s video went viral that this scene happens, but it’s safe to say that at least a couple of days passed? perhaps a week or a bit more, even though the anime makes it look like it’s on the next day?

so he’s been avoiding the media for days, keeping his phone off so absolutely nobody’s going to be able to reach him until people forget about this madness 

which means he’s also entirely clueless about the rumors of viktor being his coach

and it makes it so much funnier because we know yuuri’s dad doesn’t know jack shit about figure skating, and viktor doesn’t know how to speak japanese AND IT WAS PROBABLY TOSHIYA WHO FIRST TALKED TO VIKTOR WHEN HE ARRIVED AT YU-TOPIA?

TOSHIYA IF YOU’D ONLY GET INTO YOUR SON’S ROOM, LOOKED AROUND AND DID THE MATH YOU WOULD KNOW

so what has happened was probably something like “i have no idea what you’re saying mr. foreign-dude but you’re probably here for our famous onsen so yes make yourself comfortable” which viktor, tired as fuck from his travel (a long ass flight from st. petersburg to tokyo, probably? plus the train from tokyo to hasetsu?) GLADLY ACCEPTS

hell yeah i’m going to enjoy the fuck out of his hot spring

since yuuri is nowhere to be seen why not take some time to relax after a long travel, am i right

it’s not like viktor would understand if yuuri’s parents were to say “oh yes yuuri is holed up in his bedroom but he’ll come out eventually” so as viktor is pretty sure he found the right place and that yuuri is there he’ll just wait and have a nice soak meanwhile

AND THEN YUURI JUST BARGES INTO THE ROOM WHERE VIKTOR IS BATHING

well, this was not how i had planned this to go but here you are?

AND OF COURSE, STANDING UP WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY BUT VIKTOR BASICALLY INVENTED BEING EXTRA AND… LET ME SHOW YOU MY HOT BOD BECAUSE I GOT TO SEE YOUR ALMOST-EVERYTHING AT THE BANQUET SO I THINK IT’S FAIR YOU GET TO SEE ME NOW AM I RIGHT??? 

in viktor’s mind, yuuri is this extroverted, outgoing party animal he got to know at the banquet and was absolutely mesmerized by, so he probably thinks yuuri’s going to be alright with this extra introduction? also knowing yuuri lives and probably worked at the onsen for a while viktor maybe just assumes he’s probably unfazed by nudity?

oh viktor, little did you know

it just gets funnier the more you look into it

Fanon Lotor be like

i am not even sorry just take this

2

Jace and Simon in the Season 2B trailer

+bonus