but it's almost ending and i get emotional about shows that have been a part of my life for this long

So I went to the Bob Morley panel at Ottawa Comic Con (yes I’m still screaming internally) and based on what he said I doubt Bellarke is happening this season (meaning anything romantic being confirmed). I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think so. Bob was saying that especially after what happened in 4x11 their relationship/partnership is gonna need a lot of work to repair. And that Bellamy, in Bob’s opinion, needs the chance to find himself and develop his own strength before he can lean on someone else in a romantic sense. Bob doesn’t think it would be healthy for Bellamy to put that on someone else and hopes that Bellamy can find his own way to deal with what he’s done and who he’s become without having to lean on Clarke or have her around to be that person. And as much as I love Bellarke, I love Bellamy more, so I completely agree. Now he did joke around saying it’s hard to answer Bellarke questions cause he doesn’t want to give away too much, and when asked who he thought Bellamy had the strongest connection with/who influenced Bellamy the most Bob said Lincoln because their shared love for Octavia, but then said - Well there’s also Clarke, but kinda left it there. So that might just be Bob’s feelings, and certainly doesn’t dispel any Bellarke stuff from happening ie. love confessions or almost kisses (cause I totally want an almost kiss before anything real cause I love that slow burn) but that’s just the vibe I got.

Other things Bob said were:
- what he’s learned from/ found most inspirational about Bellamy (my question yay) is his persistence. His ability to go on even in the face of all the horrible things that have happened to him and all that he’s done. The fact that he keeps working to do what’s best for his people and to gain back Octavia’s trust is what is inspiring about him and when he (Bob) is doing tough scenes or is really tired he thinks about the fact that Bellamy probably hasn’t slept in days and thinks in comparison to that he personally doesn’t have it so bad
- His hardest goodbye on set, which took him forever to decide on, was Devon cause apparently they lived together and hang out all the time. So he said that although they’re gonna still hang out, Devon is off doing other projects so it’s going to be sad to not have him around all the time and on set
- Bob says the person that most influences his portrayal of Bellamy is his older brother. He said his brother had always taken care of his family and continues to put his loved ones first and that kind of passion is what he takes from his brother and puts into Bellamy
- Bob also said that in general the people that inspire him most of all are his family. He said specifically his brother and his mom, but in general his family. He said he never had posters of famous sports people on his wall, but apparently growing up his dad owned a gym and they had posters of Bruce Lee and Arnold Schwarzenegger up on the wall. Professionally he looks to Scorsese, Woody Allen, and some others I didn’t write down sorry!!
- The hardest part of the job he said is that everything is so high intensity all the time and so when you’ve been on set for hours and it’s 4am and you’re exhausted its hard to remember that these are life or death decisions. He said it’s difficult to demand that level of emotion all the time and for hours on end.
- he said that he would bring back Wells just to see how different their lives would be. He said it would be interesting to see how Jaha was if his son was still alive. He also said it would be an interesting dynamic if Finn was still alive as well. To see the effect on Raven and Clarke and how that would change their journey. But he specifically said Wells, and was all dramatic saying he wouldn’t even know what the show would’ve been if Wells hadn’t died.
- Bob said that if he could play any character he would be Jaha, for a while he was choosing between Murphy or Jaha but then said Isaiah and Richard portray them so well and bring so much to their roles that their performances are what make them such compelling roles that he wishes he could explore. But mostly he wants to play Jaha to get into that mindset and figure out what motivates him to be so crazy
- some one asked what kind of father Bellamy would be and how his children’s lives would be different than his life on the ark. He laughed about Bellamy being a dad in a sort of ‘oh god no’ kind of way, but then said in a sort of, pretend their living off the land out of the bunker kinda of scenario, the next generation would have more respect for the earth since humanity is what destroyed it in the first place.
- Another question was what Bellamy wanted to be when he was 5 years old, and Bob said that because he didn’t know who his father was Bellamy would have liked to have imagined his dad was someone other people looked up to. So Bellamy would have thought that he could be a leader too, like captain of guards, or whatever he wanted to be. But as he got older that dream to be whatever he wanted was crushed by the harsh class system on the ark and he settled into the realization that he wasn’t special and that he was kind of stuck in a lower class life and that’s why he was so resentful of Clarke and Wells trying to take over on the ground
- And lastly cause I can’t remember anymore right now - He said in order to take on a new character he needs to really physically get into their head space and their physical space, so he will go around and touch the walls and makes sure he feels comfortable in that place. He said he needs to find where that character’s energy sits (which makes my actor heart glow with joy omg what an *artiste*)

Sorry this turned into a really long post, but it’s only been like 12 hours since I saw him and I’m still putting all my energy into not crying every second of the day. Also just a reminder I didn’t record this, I just jotted things down, so none of this is quoted from Bob word for word. This has all been paraphrased and interpreted by me!! I didn’t change any info, or answers, just reiterating.

Great Comet Experience - August 9th, 2:00 Matinee

I’m hopping on the bandwagon here to share with you guys some of the stuff that happened today. It was almost a complete surprise that we were going to the show today. I’m making a separate post for stage door whoops. This probably won’t be in order.

Spoilers ofc

- Lucas’ “whoooOOOOAAAA” was like 30 seconds long and got a full minute of applause + one guy yelling “do it again!” and tbh I think he considered it
- During Sonya Alone, Andrey is sitting on the side of the stairs and Natasha carries the letter she’s writing to Mary about breaking everything off around the stage until she reaches him
- During No One Else, Natasha sang the line “we were angels once, don’t you remember?” to this woman and she nodded back to Natasha and the audience loved it
- The guy who had to give Anatole’s letter to Natasha had no idea he had to get up so he’s trying to reach across to give her the letter while Helene and an ensemble member were furiously trying to get him up
- those strobe lights are crazy jeez I thought they wouldn’t be on as long as they were
- Anatole is basically crying like a little kid on Helene’s lap during Find Anatole
- The audience loved Lucas Steele a lot (and so did I)
- my mom thought he couldn’t sing and she realized she was horribly mistaken once act 2 came around
- the Russian music playing when you walk in is my jam
- Ingrid’s Sonya Alone is so emotional and honestly I wish someone could have recorded it because it was SO GOOD
- The part in Natasha & Pierre where Pierre says “she began to cry” he wasn’t kidding Denee broke down sobbing for the rest of the verse
- I refused to listen to a couple songs until I saw the show live (I didn’t want to spoil everything) and Charming wOW AMBER GRAY IS INCREDIBLE
- Anatole looks in mirrors. a lot.
- during the crazy part of the Abduction, I thought Heath (he was on a platform in front of me) was kinda normal until he suddenly yanked his hair out of its ponytail and started headbanging into everyone’s laps
- Natasha and PIerre look right at each other for the “I see nothing but the candle in the mirror” part of Letters but they’re not talking to each other
- Courtney Bassett (Mary) can siNG JEEZ
- Everyone was mildly uncomfortable when Bolkonsky was on stage
- I literally couldn’t see Balaga at all during his own song where did he go probably the mezzanine
- One of the ensemble members completely blocked my view of Lucas when he was doing the jacket swooshy thing at the end of Balaga
- Heath was having trouble I think doing the squat things during the Abduction but one of the accordion players came over and she was like “isn’t he great folks aren’t they all great?!”
- I feel like Lucas was a little off on the “peteRSBURG“ thing today but heck what do I know I’m not in the show (I wish tho)
- anything Lucas did the audience loved and they were usually laughing at him
- one of the accordion players came to my section before the show to throw the dumplings but she missed once and hit the sound guy
- Hearing Oak sing compared to the rapping from Hamilton was so nice he has a nice voice. He also did a little giggle after the whole crazy part in the Abduction
- Natasha kinda stands at the top of the stage at the “sofa” for all of Find Anatole until Marya tells her that Anatole’s married and it’s kinda creepy to watch
- Anatole kept doing this hand thing where he would kinda pose with one up and one down and it got messier and messier during Pierre & Anatole as he was slowly having a breakdown and it was kinda cool to watch the whole breakdown and fight scene
- During the Duel, Pierre puts the gun up to his head and starts walking while Anatole is frantically shouting “Pierre, hold your fire!” He eventually points it at Dolokhov ofc
- I think Oak’s mic might’ve gone out while he was doing the talking bit during Natasha & Pierre but that might’ve been done on purpose idk help me out y’all

EDIT: I forgot some stuff!
- Anatole shouts, “Everyone, raise a glass!” and while he’s doing the “whooOOOAAA” he’s trying to get everyone to raise shot glasses at the tables but one guy only had a water bottle so Lucas tried to get him to raise that instead but the guy wasn’t really having it
- Oak got so. much. applause. as soon as he stepped on stage with the accordion it just kept going
- I think it was during Sonya & Natasha, but I could be wrong. Anyways, Andrey was standing at the back of the orchestra with another ensemble dude and he was like peeking out from behind a pillar with his guitar watching the girls fight
- Lucas got so many laughs, especially for that part in Letters where he says, “Just say yes….” He was definitely playing to the audience the whole time it was great
- Dolokhov and Helene started making out I think during the Duel before Pierre got mad
- After Dolokhov shot at PIerre, Pierre kinda just stood there hunched over for a while before popping up and going “whew” to the audience
- The girl Bolkonsky was all over during The Private and Intimate Life… was so uncomfortable but she was laughing the whole time
- She kinda started brushing herself off when he walked away though
- During Natasha & the Bolkonskys, there’s a long pause while Mary and Natasha hold stools over their heads to try and sit with the people at the tables but they were having a really hard time getting through cause this poor man moved to the side for Mary, but he had to move back over for Natasha and he just had no space and he was really confused
- During Letters, everyone enters the stage through the huge doors but Andrey comes in last and stands at the top while Pierre “reads” his letter to him

Here’s a link to my stage door experience!


Another episode I need to process. This time it’s not so much about Dany or any characters in particular and more about the technical choices made by the show and how it’s dragging down the whole structure.

This season has been quite baffling to me especially since it came after the highly efficient sixth season, which gave me faith that once freed from GRRM’s books, the show could actually be THIS good. Instead, I find myself quite puzzled by each episode of Season 7 - always liking but never without something irking me. The fault rests in the decision to reduce the number of episodes and cram everything up. So of course it makes for a compelling viewing experience with storylines moving much faster and characters coming together but it also accentuates two of Thrones’ biggest problems - the portrayal of time and the loss of character(s).

It’s always been a known thing that the show never cares about time consistency with characters randomly popping up everywhere in Westeros whenever it is necessary. Viewers are supposed to assume that the required amount of time has passed. But where Thrones made up for it in previous seasons is that it actually showed characters travelling while making reference to passing time. A few notable examples being Robert’s travelling north from King’s Landing to Winterfell or Arya journeying the whole of Westeros or going to Braavos. But lately and especially this season, characters seem to magically teleport when in fact they do still travel - it’s just not shown anymore. The reduced amount of episodes paired with the numerous developments crammed within even one episode really makes it hard to make the effort of remembering that time passes and that one single episode actually spans at least days if not weeks.

This season never acknowledges explicitly how much time has passed since the season opener - perhaps because if it did, it would blatantly point out its biggest flaw. But taking some time to think about time (!) might help with some of my concerns regarding this season and this latest installment in particular. Considering the time spent to travel to Dragonstone from Winterfell alone on Jon’s part, the time allowed to stay there and mine the dragonglass (By the way was the whole point of mining it to create a charged scene between Jon and Dany? That dragonglass would have been handy beyond the Wall. Just saying…), how much time a raven takes to fly across the whole continent to deliver a message and the fact that Sansa says she hasn’t heard of him in weeks (funny how there is not a SINGLE episode where she doesn’t mention him), it’s actually much more acceptable to think that feelings might have emerged between Jon and Dany rather than over the course of a few days as was first assumed. This same amount of time also really makes it easier to accept that the Northerners have grown weary of Jon’s absence because really it’s been weeks/months now.

But that’s the problem - so much time passing in so few episodes and it being not explicit creates confusion. Not to mention sometimes clear whiplash. This episode was a particularly good example of this.The first shot of Jon’s Magnificent Seven heavily implied that the group had gone far north, way beyond the Wall. So that’s at least a few days we assume. Then when all hell breaks loose, Gendry is sent back running to Eastwatch to send a raven to Dany who is still in Dragonstone. Let us all just assume that Gendry’s legs are as muscular as his arms and that he could run without stopping (!) all the way before finally collapsing right before the door to Eastwatch (how convenient). But you can’t possibly accept that the run spanned in less than one day, especially in heavy snow. That the show implies that he was back at the Wall by nightfall baffles me immensely. And that’s also assuming Gendry magically didn’t get lost - apparently he’s better at finding his way back in snowstorms than in calm seas - and that he wasn’t attacked by a wight. Why Jon and the rest didn’t go with him I still don’t quite understand but let’s just assume that they wanted to make sure one of them made it out alive to tell Dany what happened instead of them all dying together… Anyway, Gendry takes at least a full day to get back to the Wall. They send a raven to Dragonstone which takes at least another full day. Then Dany flies all across the continent to beyond the Wall. Assuming that her dragons fly very fast, I can accept that in a day or perhaps less, she makes it in time to save Jon and the rest of the band. So that’s at least several days that Jon and the band were stranded on that rock. Assuming this really sheds a new light on the battle and makes more sense than the whole thing happening over the course of one day. In a similar way, we are to assume that Jaime and Co were travelling for some time back from Highgarden for Dany to reach them on their way. I can accept that dragons fly fast but the Dothraki do not have superfast horses. With this assumption, that’s at least another day or two that Jon stayed at Dragonstone to meet Theon while Dany was away.

This very problem of pacing is why this season - while very compelling to watch - also feels rushed. Everything accelerates, racing towards the endgame and we can’t really catch a breath. Every move made is crucial not in itself but rather in advancing towards a certain point. While the whole wight hunt is important, the plan itself is very weak if not outright foolish and we could see miles away that nothing would go as planned. That Tyrion is the one behind it makes it even worse. In fact, Tyrion seems a bit at a loss when it comes to his plans this season which is a far cry from the wit we have seen during past seasons. What is his purpose if Dany never listens to him ? His schemes are intelligent and clever and it’s still buyable that he could be outdone by his own siblings but to come up with this kind of plan and have it validated by both Jon and Dany and everyone else by thinking that Cersei will come to her senses just by seeing a wight is beyond me. What was the point of Jon actually going ? Couldn’t he have sent someone (Tormund) ? Why risk the King in the North’s life for something as futile as this ? Hasn’t he said that he will protect the North as long as he can ? How is this foolish expedition protecting the North if he loses his life so recklessly (which he almost does) ? Where’s Sansa’s no-nonsense speeches when they’re the most needed ?

All in all, that single wight is captured but the whole expedition seems to have been designed specifically to bring about Viserion’s demise. It’s a rather weak plot device that just has Jon and Dany traveling Westeros back and forth and forth and back, losing a particularly formidable asset to the Enemy. The feel of past seasons where characters acted and traveled for valid reasons instead of poping up wherever the story requires them to is sorely missed. Of course, that’s just how the show goes and the loss of a dragon was something that had been expected for years now. After all, Dany could not have gone on forever unchallenged. Losing one of them was the only thing that could rock the foundations of her storyline. Even so, Viserion’s death is another example of the show’s accelerating problem. In a similar way to Season 4’s The Watchers on the Wall, the major casualty is squeezed between two scenes. Now I know that this is how Thrones works - especially this season - and perhaps it was intended as pure shock with no intention to let viewers breathe but sometimes it is beneficial to just… well… breathe. Viserion was never the focus of the attention. Drogon always was since the beginning. In fact, it’s not even explicitly said that Viserion is the one who bit the dust. Inconsistency in how his horns are depicted doesn’t help either. But his loss is nevertheless a game changer and yet we’re not given any time to mourn him that we are hit with another twist - which is him being brought back by the Night King. Had the death been placed at the very end of the episode, it would have made in my opinion a much more powerful impact like Robb and Catelyn’s deaths during the Red Wedding which were placed at the end of the Rains of Castamere episode giving us a full week to adjust and mourn before the next installment aired. Similarly, the episode here could have ended with Jon being left behind while Dany flew away and that would have made for a great cliffhanger. The finale would have opened with Benjen’s rescue and then the boat scene we saw as an epilogue, transitioning smoothly to the boatbang we’re all expecting. With the final scene of the season being all but known at this point, Viserion’s turning - while exciting to watch - would be rendered useless and this final scene would have more than made up for it, accomplishing the same purpose of showing Viserion’s transformation. That the show does not even take the time to name its major casualty during this episode really speaks volumes on how it is intent on going forward and put the focus on the story rather than its characters. Really how easy would it have been to have Dany utter Viserion’s name ? Not necessarily during her rather quiet reaction to his death - not what I had in mind but as equally sad and beautiful and probably the first time this season we are shown genuine emotion on her part; it’d be interesting to compare Dany’s supposed fiery temperament and her “cold” reaction to her child’s death, to Robb (supposedly a child of ice) reacting with a much more heated behavior when he learnt of his father’s death, admittedly the kind of reaction I was expecting from Dany - but couldn’t she have mentioned him during her whole epilogue with Jon ?

That’s the problem with Thrones lately. Yes, it is visually and technically impressive. But storywise ? Not so much. The Spoils of War was the first exemple of this. Unfortunately, try to look past the spectacle in terms of visuals and you find yourself with a lot of pills to swallow. Apart from the baffling time problem, what were the odds of finding one small group of wights led by a single White Walker ? What exactly were they doing separated from the body of the army ? How easy was it that it just happened that ONE wight was probably not turned by that White Walker and all the others were ? How come it just had to be because the Hound decided he was bored and threw some stones that they all realized the lake had frozen again ? Let’s just skip over the fact that Dany arrives in the nick of time to save them all - that’s a basic rule of all TV shows. But if they showed us a very Harry Potter-esque shot of undead wights sinking in a fiery lake, then how come some were able to come up and drag poor Tormund (kudos here for having us really worried for a few seconds) ? More importantly how did they manage to wrap Viserion in chains? Must we assume that some jumped to the bottom to never return/live underwater and did the whole work and then signalled the rest above to start pulling ? Where did those chains come from anyway ?

Aside from these admittedly minor plot holes, the show’s pacing and emphasis on sheer spectacle is detrimental to its characters and that unfortunately cannot be overlooked. This is why the first part of the episode where the Magnificent Seven do nothing but walk and exchange words is one of the best parts of the episode. It’s been a long time since we had a proper character-driven scene and the show has clearly become better at large scale action sequences than at writing its own characters. Gone were the compelling quiet but ultimately oh-so important exchanges that said little but meant a lot. Here everything is said blatantly, the meaning and purpose very clear and intent on propelling the story forward (with the exception of Littlefinger who continues to babble meaningless stuff while meaninglessly wandering the corridors of Winterfell). This unfortunately means out-of-character behaviors or character misreadings on our parts. Why Jon chooses to bend the knee regardless of what he’s been saying and been told this season regarding the North’s loyalty to the North only is still up to debate. But clearly, this is not being smarter than his father or his brother.

But more than this, the Winterfell storyline is even a better example. After Jon and Sansa reunited last season, viewers were eager to see the rest of the Starks back in Winterfell. Wish granted this season. But with a twist as the siblings behave quite oddly, ranging from blank stares to downright psychopathic behavior. Starting with Bran/Three Eyed Raven who dismisses so easily poor Meera (the girl hardly gets any recognition for what’s she’s done for Bran, from him or his family for that matter), goes on to not hug one sister but hugs the other and casually triggers aforementioned sister’s PTSD. All the while not sharing crucial information about their brother/cousin and also about Littlefinger being the ultimate reason behind Ned’s death. Perhaps that could come in handy in the Sansa/Arya conflict, easily the weakest storyline of the episode and the entire season. After years apart, one would think that you could actually put your childish sisterly bickering behind and work together or at least make an effort. To have Arya act like this is so infuriating that you can’t help but wonder who on Earth thought that this was a good idea. Especially since Arya’s arguments can all easily be debunked. Why the show didn’t go the same route as Sansa and Jon who clearly exchanged their respective stories and instead chose to have Arya and Sansa not communicate baffles me. One would think that is the first thing one would do after reuniting for years. It was already irking when they reunited that Sansa didn’t mention that no she didn’t kill Joffrey but that she was the one who ended the man who took the castle. Here Arya conveniently omits the fact that she also saw Sansa screaming and trying to free herself for her father’s life when he was executed and that she spent a whole season serving Tywin Lannister - living with the enemy and choosing not to kill them all just like Sansa did. Seeing Arya go so far as threatening her own kin’s life when it was made clear last season that she wanted to retain her link to her family is out of character and even if theorists are true in speculating that she was playing a game with Sansa, it’s still a shitty move to make instead of you know… just talking and a rather weak plot device at that, placed here just for the sake of creating drama.

This leads to Sansa sending Brienne away right after Littlefinger points out that Brienne ought to take someone’s side should Arya and Sansa be pitted against each other. The show does not dwell anymore on making its characters’ minds clear. Move forward it must and it’s up to the viewers to guess what their characters are thinking. Jon, Dany, Bran and Arya have all fallen in this blank stare problem but it is even more obvious with Sansa. Because the character itself polarizes the fandom, her unreadable expressions pose more problems than other characters because viewers are more prone to misinterpret the character’s mind. Take her dismissal of Brienne this episode. Clearly, she was intent on having Brienne gone. But it’s not explicitly said why and of course, some are already saying that’s because she wants to kill Arya without Brienne interfering. That people assume Sansa would want to kill her own sister when Arya was clearly the one making threats is beyond me and shows how Sansa is misunderstood as a character. No matter how Thrones shows that she places her family above all - unlike Jon and Arya for that matter - there will always be some misconception about who this character is because of the errors she made when she was a teenager and the unfair hate she gets for it. A more proper explanation is that either she’s playing Littlefinger or that she sent Brienne away so that she wouldn’t have to hurt Arya should Arya attempt something. The most plausible one is that it was just an excuse to have Brienne magically pop up in King’s Landing next week and reunite with Jaime. Likewise, Sansa’s look on Arya and Brienne fighting in The Spoils of War could be interpreted as jealousy. But think about it and it does not make any sense. Jealousy over what ? Fighting skills ? Sansa would have no reason to be jealous of that - she’s never been one to physically fight. That’s not her place. What she showed (or rather chose to not show to Littlefinger) was probably how she was upset that her sister came back as a complete stranger who would more than likely go on the battlefield sooner than later and that yet again, her family would be scattering to the winds. Unfortunately, these interpretations are not the most easily guessed and one has to really put thoughts into it - which is more than most viewers do really.

Reducing the cast in a rather drastic move last season supposedly held more screentime for the remaining cast. While that is mostly true, the show still struggles to balance and write its still numerous characters properly. It helps that it’s able to direct most viewers’ eyes in another direction but really… where is Theon? What of Yara? What’s Euron doing ? Has Melisandre already arrived at Volantis ? Thrones remains one of the best on television right now. Unfortunately, the decision to speed up while reducing the number of episodes amplifies problems that had been so far acceptable. But for all the sheer spectacle the show now excels at, it’s not enough anymore to mask blatant pacing problems and loss of character consistency. Usually, TV shows are asked not to linger for too long. In Thrones’ case, it’s more of the opposite in that it’d be best if they just slowed down a little bit.

anonymous asked:

I'm so glad that you also ship BakuDeku! Can you give us an insight as to why you love/ship them? I love reading why people love them! 💖

Oh, my God. 

First off, ah. I just. *Incoherent stuttering.* I’m very, very particular and choosy with ships. I either ship one specific couple per fandom or no one at all. So far I have only two OTPs and I adore both for entirely different reasons: KilluGon from Hunter X Hunter and BakuDeku from Boku No Hero Academia.

I’m. So. Excited. To. Talk. About. This.

This is gonna be long, Anon. I hope you’re ready for it. 


Why do I love BakuDeku? 

Or, why do I love the Katsuki/Izuku dynamic in general? 

Such a loaded question for quite a lot of reasons… 

I’ll do my best to articulate my scrambled thoughts and put them all down here and make sense with them. To start off with, when it comes to ships, I usually have to be drawn to both characters individually. I don’t really like the concept of one character feeling “incomplete” without the other, necessarily. 

In this case, I related to Izuku Midoriya almost instantly, and then, surprisingly, found very similar traits in Katsuki Bakugou that I couldn’t ignore or even want to ignore. I respect both characters individually and absolutely adore their dynamic; the creative potential in portraying them both together and apart is so vast and endless that it just spurs the creative mind with no limits.

To explain this better, I tend to theorize and analyze potential relationships in anime/movies/books/television shows based on their clear connection through flaws, personality compatibility, ambitions, strengths and weaknesses. 

I understand that this factor is applicable to every ship in existence, pretty much, but I firmly believe that, since each mind is unique with its own preference, that the actual conclusion one can come to when applying these principles to their chosen ships can yield multiple different results.

So, back to BakuDeku with this. 

Katsuki Bakugou and Izuku Midoriya are foils of each other. 

To clear some questions regarding the usage of the word “foil” here, I’m speaking of the traditional literary term. 

A foil in literature is a character that exhibits qualities that highlight and contrast with another character as means of highlighting the traits of that particular character through their personality, actions, etc. 

Usually this is the case with the rival of the protagonist, and so forth. 

Think Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter, for example. They are a very typical example of character foils. 

Alright, so. With this in mind…

I value the complexities in character dynamics and the more introspective basis of relationships above everything else when deciding whether or not I ship two characters. So, the contrast between Izuku and Katsuki’s personalities and ambitions are fascinating to me, and as a result, I fell in love with their dynamic as characters outside of the realm of romantic potential.

I’ll get more into the “romantic potential” part later. But, honestly, that part of the context is only the footnote to what I love about these two.

Katsuki and Izuku, despite their differences, are essentially quite similar in what they wish to achieve as characters in their universe. 

I’ll go through both characters individually with their bullet point contrasts that I can think of at the moment.

Katsuki Bakugou is…

  • He is egotistical, yet insecure. 
  • He is reckless, yet he is methodical. 
  • He’s aggressive, yet he’s meticulous. 
  • He appears like a typical delinquent, but he’s undoubtedly very intelligent. 
  • He’s straightforward and brash, yet standoffish and focused. 
  • He is entitled, yet an extremely hard worker. 
  • He’s presumptuous and self-indulgent, and believes his skills and himself are all he needs.
  • He is, essentially, the most insecure when it comes to Izuku due to their connection and history. His pride is, ultimately, his downfall.

Now, by contrast, we have Izuku.

Izuku Midoriya is…

  • He is selfless, yet insecure. 
  • He is analytical, yet he, too, can be reckless. 
  • He lacks self-preservation, but sees it as a necessary strength, rather than a roadblock. 
  • He is emotional, yet also quite meticulous. 
  • He is an extremely hard worker, yet doesn’t believe he deserves anything worthy of praise. 
  • He believes his achievements are based on luck rather than skill, and that he can only achieve his dreams based on what others have done for him.
  • He is too damaging to his own self-confidence for his own good and far too willing to appraise the ego of characters like Katsuki to allow himself room to appreciate his own accomplishments.

Ah. There are many, many more to choose from than just these. I could go on about that particular listing for hours. But, I won’t.

With this all being said, Izuku is constantly chasing after Katsuki in the beginning. He yearns for his approval, for his attention, because of his intense admiration and fondness of his friend. Katsuki, however, could not care less and bullies Izuku on top of saying honestly the most horrible things.

There is one thing I want to make clear about this particular ship. I understand the concerns with the abusive context and I’m never going to defend Katsuki’s actions towards Izuku because they are, most definitely, extreme. 

It’s tragic, actually, how Izuku is willing to be patient with Katsuki and still consider him to be a valuable person in his life and even a close friend. Which, at this moment, they are not. 

That being said… I find it tragic, but all the more admirable of a character like Izuku to ultimately admit that what Katsuki has said and done is truly horrible (taken in context from both the manga and anime) and that he is willing to acknowledge Katsuki as a “jerk,” but also as someone who is, despite all of that, very talented and driven.

Izuku is, himself, driven and ambitious. His reasonings for becoming a hero and Katsuki wishing to become a hero are on polar opposite ends, yet their drives, their passion, their vigor are so incredibly similar in length that I can hardly see that matched in any way by other character dynamics in this series.

And that’s what I love the most about them in general, romantic context aside.

Now, still, the extremely damaged history is also what makes this ship so incredibly complicated. And I love that about it. 

What I want in this ship is to see growth, forgiveness, change, reluctant acceptance, and understanding between two characters who have always been on the same spectrum, but have never acquired the true level of insight to reach that same wavelength.

Katsuki and Izuku could never have a successful relationship at their current age, under their current circumstances, and without any forgiveness or acceptance taking place. 

The road to trusting and respecting one another is long, torturous, and riddled with pain and learning. It takes time, it takes energy, and by applying the romantic context to these two characters outside of their already marvelous and fascinating (albeit saddening) dynamic, it allows a new perspective to take place.

This, my friend, is a perspective that requires no easy path. 

I love that Izuku has such incredible faith in Katsuki and will always want to protect him or defend him at the drop of a hat. I love that we’re slowly seeing Katsuki’s growing respect and acceptance of Izuku as a person in the series, and the incredibly slow and (dare I say, explosive) build to their potential friendship. I love that we’re able to see the unfolding complexities and hurt and anger and passion that have driven them apart with blinded perspectives on both sides. 

I could go on for hours about this, Anon, but I think I kind of summed up most of what I can in one sitting without this going on for too long. 

I hope this satisfies you for now, Anon! Thank you so much for the ask. :)

Blackwatch Genji x Mercy NSFW

A little side-note… feel free to scroll past all this if you want. This is my first publication on this blog, I am very shy about my work but figured I should give it a try. This story is just a small excerpt, if people like it maybe I’ll look into writing longer stories. I really hope whoever is reading this gets some kind of joy out of it… my blog is quite new but a follow or share would REALLY help. Thank you so much.


Backstory:(Time-Period: Uprising in King’s Row) A few days ago Genji had pleasured Mercy in secret in the locker room after a training session with Tracer, this was a random act and Mercy had no idea Genji had such feelings for her. 

It had been two days since the incident with Genji in the locker room… It plagued Angela’s thoughts every waking- and sleeping moment. She could hardly focus at work, and while adrift in sleep she could only think of those glowing red eyes and expertly skilled fingers. She had admittedly tried to touch herself in the privacy of her own room several times, but they could never satisfy her or bring her to the climax like Genji could. Her inner devil begged her to go back and satisfy her wild fantasies.

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thoughts from my Raven Boys reread:

highlights include some rambling analysis of Adam and Ronan’s dynamic in the first book, yelling about how Gansey definitely has social anxiety, gushing about the Henrietta library, and trying to accept the fact that this is probably the best book out of the whole series. WOO. ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

  • Blue is impatient and vain along with being sensible and I love her for it because it helps her feel so real to me yknow? she constructs her difference so carefully and owns it and all that but unlike most YA protags she still feels BELIEVABLE in spite of how intentional she is about being “different” because she does it in a way that doesn’t feel contrived to me
  • there may be other issues with the writing in TRC but Maggie got that right good job
  • “I thought you were dead in a ditch” oh honey just wait :^)))))
  • I know we talk about Ronan’s oral fixation like…. all the time….. but. Okay I just really love this fidgety boy and his habit of chewing on those bracelets. Someone please get him a fidget cube or something
  • (jumping ahead to TRK but I loved the detail of Opal chewing on Adam’s watchband, it’s a nice tic for her and Ronan to share and it reminds you that she’s been living in his head for most of his life)
  • “All night. This was going to bother him all night” did you mean the moment I vowed to protect this socially anxious child with my life
  • Persephone is working on a graduate thesis?? She listens to angry music when she’s working on it??? Why didn’t we get to explore that more I have SO MANY questions (does she listen to Halestorm when writing like I do omg I would die)
  • “ARE YOU LISTENING, GLENDOWER? I AM COMING TO FIND YOU!” Gansey….. my nerdy son…… a dweeb…….
  • The gang doing traditional library research!! Digging through courthouse records of land ownership! Making maps!!! 
  • Honestly I’m probably biased as a current library science student but I would read an entire book about the staff at the Henrietta Library dealing with these weird teens and their magic quest.
  • …..yeah i gotta put the rest under a read more this got SO MUCH LONGER than I meant it to be just like every other post I make whoops

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Ten Years (Part 6)

Summary: AU. When a major account is on the line at work, reader is forced to revisit some old connections at her ten year high school reunion for a chance at success. Will she let the past consume her, or will she see the future in her grasp?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3,014

Warnings: language, sarcasm, fluff, mentions of past cheating, drinking, potentially anxious situations

A/N: Tags are closed!! It’s winding down, I think.

*Jean-Ralphio voice* We’re at the reuuuUUuuuniooooooooon!

Part: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8

Originally posted by elves-n-angels

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27| Pas De Deux

Pairing: Jimin x Reader
Genre: Ballet au, Romance, Angst
Warnings: None
Wordcount: 10,208

Masterlist | Prev | Next 

A/N Because of upcoming exams I’m gonna post the last couple of chapters. (So I have time to focus)

The second floor corridors were dark and ethereal as Jimin and you walked through them. The night had closed in, and though you knew that in the theatre it would be bright and loud, here it was so peacefully hushed.

You leant heavily on Jimin’s strong body, keeping your bad leg from any pressure. “I’m sorry.” You said softly. “You must be sick of having to half carry me everywhere.”

He smiled. “It’s what we ballerino’s are trained to do.”

“Usually the ballerino’s does a little more to help, though.” You pointed out. “I can walk.”

He rolled his eyes. “I think you’ve already done way more than you should on it. Really, I should be handing you off to Doctor Hill, not making you move even more.”

“As soon as Doctor Hill gets at me, I’ll be locked in a dance-proof cell for the rest of my life.”

Jimin grinned, as he helped you down the senior corridor. “You’ll find a way out, just like you did this time.”

“I didn’t want to break the rules.” You said.

He raised an eyebrow. “But you had a decent reason.”

You paused as you reached the door to the Senior Common Room. “What do you mean?”

The two of you went in. None of the lights were on, but the heater in front of the deceased fireplace glowed a warm orange. Jimin helped you over to one of the couches and sat you down, pulling up a coffee table and a cushion to rest your ankle on. You felt so helpless, but warmth spread through your chest. You had always fended for yourself, this was strange, but so nice.

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Kai Parker x Reader 
word count : 5 397
warning : smut
summary : dom!kai  / Kai goes away for a couple of days and when he comes back he finds Reader at a bar with some guy’s hands around her. [sorry, jealous Kai was too h o t  to pass on 😅😈]
*gif by me

   “You have lost your mind !” she opened the car door, slammed it shut and stormed down the driveway towards their house. “How can you even think I’d do that to you ?! To us ?!”
Y/N kept walking, her skin feeling as if it was on fire due the emotions coursing in her veins and the colder air outside did nothing to help her cool off. and by the looks of it – it did nothing for Kai either because when he gripped her forearm forcing her to turn around, his eyes burning with anger, jealousy and pain. He didn’t want to believe what he had seen or what he thought he had seen because the events unfolding before his eyes made no sense. But a part of him was terrified it had been exactly what it had looked like.
   “I know what I saw!” he snapped. “I come home after five exctruciatingly painful days without you and instead being home, you are at a bar … with – with some guy’s hands around your waist and you about to kiss him ! What am I supposed to think ?! Or do for that matter ? That guy’s lucky you were there or he would’ve exploded in blood –”
   “You are supposed to believe me when I tell you nothing happened !” she yanked her hand back and kept walking up the stairs towards the porch. “I am your –”
   “– everything. You are my everything, Y/N! Which is why this hurts so much.” he braced his hand against the door, pressing his body against hers from behind. “I can’t erase that image from my head. Every time I close my eyes it’s right there ripping my heart out all over again.”
   “You know what I see every time I close my eyes?” she asked unlocking the door. “A stranger. Not someone who has been in my life for two years and knows me better than I know myself.”
Y/N pushed her jacket off her shoulders and tossed it over the stair railing, storming towards the liquor cabinet while he lit up the fireplace and closed the door with a flick of his wrist. He watched her bend over, her skirt lifting up her legs while she looked through the bottles until she found the oldest whiskey and opened the bottle. Or tried to before he grabbed it from her hands, shoved it back from where she had taken it and pulled her up. Electricity coursed through her veins from the spot he was holding her wrist and they gazed into each other’s eyes, both of them standing so close she could feel his breath on her face.
   “A stranger ?“ he questioned. “Is that what I am to you now ? I thought I was your boyfriend. The one person you couldn’t live without…”
   “Malachai –” she protested. “Let go off m–“
Purple/black veins flashed under his eyes and his lips crashed against hers cutting her off mid-sentence. Without realising it he slipped in her mind, more specifically the memory from about 30 minutes ago.

Y/N sat at the bar, glancing at her phone screen and a smile showed on her face seeing a picture of her and Kai on her screen show up followed by a beep. Her fingers tapped on it and she read a message from him ‘I miss you. Be with you in a jiffy.’ A smile spread across her face, her heart fluttering at the thought he is probably on his way and she’d be in his arms again. Her fingers moved swiftly on he screen as she started typing a message to him, a text he had gotten just as he was parking the car down the street from the bar. ‘No one says jiffy anymore. ;) I can’t wait. Miss you more than words.’ Not too long after that the guy he had seen with her showed up, sitting next to her. He eyed her up and down and put his hand on her waist which she instantly pushed away.
   “What is a beautiful girl doing all alone sitting at the bar?”
   “None of your business. Why don’t you get lost before my boyfriend gets here and makes you feel sorry you were even born ?”
Y/N took her phone and bag deciding to wait outside for Kai and started to get up when the guy grabbed her and his lips almost forced themselves on hers. She stepped on the guy’s foot with her heels causing him to flinch, pushed him off her and her palm connected with the guy’s face who
still refused to let go off her. His grabby hands found their way where they shouldn’t be, which had been the exact moment Kai had walked in and the guy had ended up choking at first and nearly set in fire afterwards before Kai had dragged her to the car without saying a word to her until they were on the road.

Kai pulled away, his eyes piercing into hers for a long moment before she slapped him, the sound hanging in the air.  “What the hell was that I just saw?” he demanded. “You kissed him ?!”
Y/N stared at him. Every now and then when he caught her off guard this would happen and on purpose or not he’d slip in her mind. He was still new at the vampire thing and mostly this happened by accident and usually she didn’t mind much because there were no secrets between them, except now it only fuelled her anger towards him. How can she be upset with him and want to tear his clothes off him at the same time ?
   “Stay out of my head Malachai !” she shouted pushing him off barely taking two steps when he grabbed her hand and spun her back until her body pressed against his. Y/N stared into his eyes. He looked so beyond hot right now, unshaven with his hair a bit longer and slightly messed up her breath got caught in her throat and a tingly feeling spread through her body like wild fire. “I didn’t kiss him. He tried to kiss me and if you saw the full memory you know I pushed him off –“
   “And that’s supposed to make it OKAY ?” he snapped.
   “Kai –“
   “Is that what happens when I am away ? You act like you are some kind of sl–” he didn’t get to finish when she slapped him so hard his neck cracked. Or maybe it was her wrist, she didn’t know or care. For a moment he stood frozen. Silence fell in their home and the only sounds audible were the light cracking of the fire in the fireplace, her heartbeat and breathing. Then he turned around with his jaw clenched and she tried to get herself free but his grip on her tightened. Five days without her and all his emotions were running on complete overdrive – he missed her touch, her lips and her entire presence. Jealousy courses through his veins burning everything in its path with his lust for her following right after burning everything that remained. His self control was slipping fast and the slap only added to it.
   “Hmmmm….” he stared into her eyes.
   “I suggest you carefully pick what you say next. You are about to cross a line.” she warned, pushing him off but he didn’t give up and pulled her towards him so suddenly she didn’t have time to react before his lips smashed against hers again more demanding than ever. Without realising it he slipped into her mind again, only this time he got pulled in a different memory and when he pulled away, his expression softened. It didn’t seem she had noticed because she raised her hand and he barely managed to grip her wrist before her palm had connected with his cheek again. They stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment and his lips smashed against hers again. Y/N thrashed against him for a few seconds and then melted in his arms. Her fingers tangled in his hair, lightly playing with the scruff in the back of his head while he shoved her against the wall by the fireplace kissing her as if his life depended on.
Five days without each other combined with everything that had happened boiled over in an instant in one emotion – hunger for the other. Their lips barely parted with each other, craving more with every second and Ka pushed his crotch against hers, making her moan into the kiss while she pushed his jacket off his shoulders and lightly pulled at his shirt. His body pressed against hers and he slipped his hand under her skirt, brushing his fingertips against her bare skin while his lips moved down her jawline towards her neck leaving wet sloppy kisses on their way.
   “You are driving me completely mad.” she muttered, her eyes fluttering closed. Her back arched off the wall lightly as she threw her head back. “You and your jealous rage… How is my first thought  ‘how fast can I tear those clothes off him’ ? How is that thought capable of overwriting almost everything else?  What have you done to me?”
   “Same thing you have done to me.” he said into her skin. Y/N pulled his lips against hers, kissing him so hard it almost hurt. Everything that had happened in the past half hour seemed to both dissolve and fuel their actions at once. Their lips moved fiercely passionate against each other, leaving both of them completely breathless before he suddenly wrapped his hand around her neck lightly, holding her up against the wall and gazed into her eyes. A different fire burned in them as she gazed back at him, her gaze drifting slighly towards her finger’s movements as she gripped on his shirt, tearing it in two. Her hands roamed his bare chest as she lightly dug her nails in his flesh. His eyes fluttered closed for a second and his grip on her neck loosened. Instantly she pulled him towards her, their lips colliding in such a deep passionate kiss she nearly dissolved into atoms in his arms. Her hands shot for his jeans, undoing the belt and button when he gripped her wrists and chucked.
   “No, no.“
   “Kai, I –”
   “Shhh – “ he lovingly brushed his fingers against her cheek and leaned in whispering in her ear. “I think you are in need of a reminder to who you belong to so accidents like this don’t happen again.”
Kai scooped her up in a flash, seating her on the large desk. He tore off her panties, ripped her shirt to shreds and her bra flew off her body while their lips moved fiercely against each other. A split later second her skirt was gone. Her legs hitched around his waist, holding him towards her and his crotch grinded against hers making her moan into the kiss. A devilish smirk flashed in his eyes and the second her hands reached for the bulge in his jeans he gripped her wrists and tied them together with her panties, pushing her down onto the desk. Kai’s hands roamed all over her chest, not taking his eyes away from her for a second while he cupped her breasts and his lips connected with her bare skin. His tongue swirled around her left nipple lightly tweaking the other, sending shivers through her body all of which concentrated on her core. Quiet moans escaped his lips and he sucked on her nipples, lightly pinching and nibbling on them it almost felt as if she could cum just from his actions in that moment. Everywhere his lips touched her skin or his fingertips glazed against it or his nose lightly brushed against her skin felt like fire while his fingertips brushed against her inner thighs so agonisingly slowly it drove her completely nuts. Her back arched off the desk the closer to her heat he got, every particle in her body craved his touch like never before.
   “No, no.“ he said as if scolding a little child. “Keep those beautiful eyes on me. And no touching or I will have to stop and start all over again. No sounds either.”
Y/N’s eyes widened, trying to figure out how she could possibly comply with the last one knowing how when his fingers and tongue start to play there is no stopping him. “You are not serious.”
A devilish spark flashed in his eyes and he laughed under his breath. “No, but you should’ve seen your face. I missed listening to you moan my name too much to punish myself like that. You, however, are in so much trouble young lady.”
Her legs spread wide with a snap of his fingers and he leaned in, his tongue lightly lapping around her clit. So lightly it was almost as if he wasn’t touching her at all. Y/N bit her lip and moaned quietly unable to look away from him.
   “Look how wet you are.” he cooed, blowing a light stream of air onto her clit before brushing his fingers against her folds spreading her arousal around. “So wet you are dripping. Hmmm – ”
He leaned in licking a bold stripe directly through her clit, slurping some of her arousal about to drip on the desk before sliding his tongue in her warmth as deep as it could, twirling it around slowly. Her heart was racing in her chest, her breathing becoming a little more ragged every time his nose brushed against her clit and his scruff rubbed against her heat. He was driving her completely out of her mind and he had barely started. His fingers brushed up her stomach towards her breasts, cupping them and playing with her nipples while his tongue slid inside and out of her faster each time. His tongue curled inside her going in a little deeper every time and her eyes started drooping but what drove her completely insane and truly set her skin on fire was the way he was looking at her. How hadn’t she noticed how dark his eyes were before ? There was hunger in them, a thurst he couldn’t satisfy and the longer he devoured her, the more it appeared he couldn’t get enough.
    “Such a naughty girl.” he cooed replacing his tongue with his fingers, pushing them into the last knuckle, slowly curling them around and pulling out to the fingertips again and again.  “Do you have any idea what you did to me?” he started, slowly picking up the pace with each curl. “I’ve never had anger like this burning in my veins. I didn’t even know it was possible to get that jealous.” he said a little amused. “Feelings are… hard.”
His fingers curled inside her feeling every inch so agonizingly slowly it drove her completely out of it, but not as much as when he roughly pushed them inside her going in deeper every time until his fingertips hit her spot. It felt as if he had thrown her into a wild fire and slowly poured more gasoline, with each pump. They’ve been in situations like this before – they bickered, argued and fought which always ended up with them nearly breaking every horizontal surface in the house, going at it for hours until they were both completely exhausted and everything was forgotten. And even though she hadn’t told him about it, she had a suspicion he knew the dominant side of him turned her on like crazy. His entire personality did, especially the danger vibe around him that had pulled had her in like a magnet since the moment she had laid eyes on him for the first time.
   “What am I going to do with you ?“ he thought out loud. “Maybe I will keep bringing you right on the edge, not letting you cum. Or maybe I will make you cum again and again.” he pushed his fingers roughly inside her, feeling an animal instinct slowly take over him. “Or I will fuck you so hard you will feel it for a week.”
Kai watched her squirm, trying hard to keep her eyes open as he had demanded while he pumped his fingers faster, going in a little deeper every time and her walls clenched around them. Her mind was getting foggier by the second with her orgasm building up fast and her moans turning into small screams until she was right at the edge and he slowed down his finger’s movements long enough to delay her release before starting all over again. Whimpers started mixing with her moans while he flicked her clit with his tongue, his fingers slowly curling around inside her and he enveloped her clit between his lips, listening to her breathing become erratic all over again and her heart rate increasing to dangerous levels. Her eyes fluttered closed and almost instantly he grabbed her face, chuckling, forcing her to look at him. She bit her lip moaning a little louder when his fingertips hit her spot, lightly throwing her head back without taking her eyes off him while he sucked and tugged on her clit as if his life depended on it.
    “Please –“
    “No.” he moaned, the vibrations directly hitting her clit. Y/N blinked and her breath got caught in her throat. There weren’t just devils dancing it his eyes. It was almost as if the Devil had positioned himself between her legs in that moment, lighting her on fire with every pump of his fingers with every moment he tugged on her clit, slurping on her arousal from time to time. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she grabbed on the desk to stop herself from reaching for him while he grabbed her face again, forcing her gaze on him. Her grip grew tighter with each second until her knuckles were almost white, the vibrations of his moans as he devoured her and the way he was looking at her alone enough to push her right over the edge.
    “P-please Kai –“ she begged.
    “Please what ? You want to cum ?” Y/N hummed. “Naughty girls don’t get what they want. They get punished, you know that. Or did you think I’d let it go that easily ? Tonight you cum only when I say so.”
    “FUCk K-Kai –“ she semi-screamed, feeling her walls clench around his fingers a little more intensely while he curled and pumped them inside her at a steady pace, getting her right to the edge and delaying again until suddenly he pulled out. Y/N almost groaned in frustration before he shoved them in her mouth. Her tongue swirled around them, their eyes locked on each other the entire time. He hummed quietly, a quiet moan escaping his lips feeling his jeans tightening around him more and more with each second while his mind got flooded with thoughts about her and he leaned in, continuing to eat her out as if she was his favourite ice cream. His tongue lapped round and around going directly through the middle of her core before sliding in her warmth; his nose brushed against her clit and his scruff tickling her folds, getting her closer to another release. Y/N moaned around his fingers, her hips lightly grinding on his face and she reached her hands towards him pushing his mouth further. Her entire self was vibrating at a different frequency because of his actions.
   “Fuck Kai –“
Kai felt her fingers tug on his hair and closed his eyes for a second enjoying the feeling, humming and moaning while devouring her as if wanting to swallow her whole. He trailed his wet fingers around her nipples, lightly pinching on them making it even harder for her to hold it.
   “K-Kai, ple-ase – I need it.”
   “No.“ he hummed, slowly crawling over her leaving kisses on his way until their eyes were on the same level. “I don’t think you realise the trouble you’ve gotten yourself into going out looking so bloody irresistible. I would’ve torn your clothes on the spot then and there –” he thought out loud. “I almost did in the car –”
Y/N swallowed air, lifting her head up enough to kiss him. He pulled away studying her face. His anger had subsided and the only thing that remained was his lust for her. Kai loved seeing her like this – her eyes rolling in the back of her head, moans and whimpers leaving her parted lips along with his name constantly rolling off her tongue. He loved how she responded to his every movement, how her walls clenched around his fingers so intensely she nearly let go. A devilish spark flashed in his eyes and he leaned over her whispering in her ear.
   “You can’t cum.“ he cooed. “Must be torture to be right on the edge, feeling your skin on fire. Now you know how I feel every time I see you wearing that skirt and those heels. I just – hmmm – ”
   “Please –“ she begged again, watching him smirk at her. He mouthed a ‘no’  and curled his fingers inside her again while his thumb drew slow circles on her clit. Just as she was about to tip over he stopped and pulled out his fingers, watching her hips grinding on air for a few seconds before slowly sliding them in again to the last knuckle. “I want you. I need you…”
Kai smirked devilishly at her, feeling his jeans tightening around him even more and laughed for a second.  “So eager. You are dying to feel me inside you, aren’t you?” he whispered in her ear. “To have the air being knocked out if your lungs while I make you scream my name –”
   “Yes.” she said, barely able to take a breath. Her heart was thumping like crazy, almost as if trying to push its way out of her chest. “Please Kai –”
He snapped his fingers, his remaining clothes flying off him in a second and getting her hands free. Y/N reached for him but he held her hands behind her back, rubbing his hard lenght against her soaked core. His forehead rested on hers, his hot breath hitting her face and their eyes piercing into each other while he continued to drive her nuts. With every passing second her skin flamed up even more and the unusually cold air from outside entering the room through the cracked open window somehow turned her skin on fire even more.
   “Please Kai –” she begged, lifting her head enough for their lips to touch but he pulled away, pulling his signature smirk and pressed the tip of his thick shaft against her entrance.
   “Please ‘what’?”he asked innocently. “Tell me, what does my girl want.”
Y/N bit her lip trying to wriggle her hands free and pull him towards her just as he pressed just the tip inside her, slowly sliding it in and out and rubbing it against her clit from time to time, watching her lose it completely.
   “Fuck me. I want to feel every inch of you inside me –“
Kai grinned at her and his lips collided with hers drowning her scream as he entered her with a heavy thrust going in all the way, and withdrawing slowly making her feel every inch before he filled her in to the brim again. At first his thrusts were slow but hard and deep, each of them knocking the air out of her lungs almost completely, picking up speed every time. His grip on her hands loosened a little and he pulled her towards the edge until she was almost off the desk and lifted one of her legs over his shoulder allowing him to go deeper. He held onto her hips with one hand, the other exploring every inch of her body lighting a thousand fires on its way as he slowly leaned in towards her, almost resting his forehead on hers. Kai couldn’t get enough of her, of her lips on his, her touch and the way her walls tightened around him. Or the way her eyes rolled in the back of her head while he withdrew slowly. Y/N’s eyelids kept drooping and each time they closed he entered her with a heavy thrust waking her up turning her soft moans leaving her parted lips into small screams. She held onto his biceps with one hand, pulling his face towards hers with the other. Every thrust that followed was rougher and deeper than the last leaving her craving more and she couldn’t possibly get enough. It felt as if he was trying to catch up on five days without her in one go while trying to bury his entire self inside her and even though it wasn’t possible he kept trying.
    “M-Malachai –” she moaned. Kai growled, purple/black veins flashing under his eyes hearing his full name. “– fuck me harder.”
He smirked at her and a blink of an eye later she was tossed on the soft carpet by the fireplace. Kai crawled over her and his lips collided with hers. He held her hands on either side of her head and entered her so hard the carpet shifted the floor, withdrawing slowly and entering her rougher and deeper every time. Every thrust lit her entire body on fire and the warmth from the flames in the fire licking up her skin feeling more like a slight chill compared to the way Kai and only Kai alone could make her feel.
   “So tight around me.” he moaned, brushing his nose against her cheek his lips barely touching her skin. He hummed quietly, moaning into her ear feeling her walls contract around him more intensely than ever and he knew she was close. “Cum for me baby girl.”
Kai watched her throw her head back, feeling her chest pressing against his and her orgasm tore though her body while he used his vampirism to thrust inside her faster.  A loud moan tumbled off her lips and he gazed into her eyes, smiling to himself. He loved seeing her like this, knowing only he can make her feel this way. His bloody lips crashed against hers slowly loosening the grip on her hands, and instantly her fingers tangled in his hair lightly gripping on it while he continued to pound her senseless. Her entire body felt as if it was on fire and for all she knew the flames from the fireplace have consumed them both. Not that it mattered if thats what had happened. All that mattered to her was Kai – how his hard lenght filled her in perfectly hitting her spot every time, how their lips and bodies were seemingly made for each other… and like an addict, she couldn’t get enough and wanted more.
   “Oh Fuck K-Kai g-go faste-r –” she moaned, her nails digging in his back almost drawing blood while his lenght twitched inside her almost at the same time her walls contracted around him.
A louder moan tumbled off his lips and he pushed her legs almost over her head allowing him to go deeper and leaned in their foreheads almost touching, neither of them wanting to look away from the other. He couldn’t even remember what they had argued about this time, all he could think about was how good and right it felt to be with her in that moment. To feel her come undone around him and fall apart because of him. To listen to their moans colliding in perfect harmony completely drowning the sounds of the wind blowing outside and the cracking of the fire a few steps away from them.
   “S-so close –“ she cupped his face, lightly playing with the scruff in the back of his head. Purple/black veins flashed under his eyes, his hot breath hitting her face every time his thick shaft slid inside her knocking the air out of her lungs. His thrusts were becoming a little sloppier yet keeping their roughness and speed. Her walls clenched around him and she felt his lenght twitch inside her. Y/N bit her lip mouthing ‘So hot’, watching his vampirism showing again and he sank his fangs in her carotid artery, lighting up her skin on fire yet again just like every time he fed on her.
Kai moaned a little louder in her ear, his lenght twitching inside her again and he whispered ‘Cum for me.’ almost the same second he came in hot spurts inside her and her orgasm tore through her body, his thrusts never stopping or slowing down until they were both finished and he collapsed on top of her. Kai buried his face in the crook of her neck, his tongue swirling around the two holes in her skin not letting a single drop of her blood go to waste. Y/N’s tangled her fingers in his locks, lightly pulling his head up until their eyes met and their lips collided in a gentle kiss and he rolled on the floor next to her, pulling her into his arms. For a few minutes they just stayed like this, enjoying the other’s presence and watching the flames dancing in the fire place. Y/N closed her eyes and sighed when he brushed his fingers against her cheek. Instantly her eyes opened, both of them gazing into each other’s eyes.
   “I am incredibly sorry … for the way I reacted. For almost saying that word.” he said softly. “You are right. I should’ve trusted you. You’ve never given me any reason not to. You’ve always been ready to sacrifice it all for me.”
Y/N studied his face remembering his eyes after the second kiss. “Which memory did you slip into this time ?”
   “Oh, um…” he smiled nervously. “Remember that time at the Salvatore house right after the wedding when I was chained up in the cellar while your buddies were trying to figure out what to do with me ? You never told me what you told them that day.”
   “‘If you kill him, you will have to kill me too because I can’t be without him.’” he quoted her word for word. “And then you slapped Damon who said it’s not up to you. I was delirious when you opened the cellar but I can swear you looked like an angel and – I after the way I acted tonight, I don’t deserve you. I should let you go. Allow you to find happiness with someone else, someone deserving. But I can’t. I can’t because the only way for me to continue living is if you are by my side.” he said softly. “That’s a little selfish to say, isn’t it?”
   “If you are selfish, then I am selfish too because that’s the exact same way I feel. I am a human, you can have any girl you want. A witch or a vampire … they throw themselves at you all the time –”
Kai listened to her heart beat noticing a slight change.  “Awwh you get jealous ?“ he teased. “That’s kinda hot.”
Y/N rolled her eyes and tossed herself onto the carpet starring out the window. Where those snowflakes ? No. Not possible.
   “Those girls can’t even remotely compare to you.“ he brushed his palm against her cheek, lovingly gazing into her eyes. “You are human. So beautifully human. So brave and strong. Stubborn as hell, so defiant sometimes. You made me fall for you in an instant and I know I am horrible at feelings but I love you and –“
Her lips smashed against hers not letting him finish. “I love you too.” she tapped his nose, leaning in to whisper in his ear. “You look so hot when you are jealous. I just –” she bit her lip. Kai grinned at her and tried to roll on top of her but she was faster.  “– I can’t get enough of you.“ she finished.
   “Round two ?”
   “Five days without you. What do you think?” Y/N smirked devilishly at him and her lips crashed against his more greedy and demanding that ever, giving him the answer to his question.
note : so, i may have strayed a little from the request … tbh i wasn’t even planning on posting this one 😅 (sometimes when i hit writers block i ‘distract’ myself writing something else) but i hope you guys like it anyways 😈😜


Podcasts & Structure

Every time I get around to sitting down and actually writing these articles, I have to seriously consider what I’m going to talk about. It seems the conversation of audio drama is becoming more widespread lately, oozing its way into mainstream media faster than I can keep track of. 

And so many are being made at such a rapid pace, catching up with it all can be its own challenge. A lot of people are starting to see the power and potential of audio plays and it’s a slow burn revolution I am a hundred percent behind. 

When I achieve my dreams of becoming a licensed journalist under that sweet, sweet trademark PodCake©, know that I’ll be somewhere in the front lines, keeping everyone up to the date and in the zone until I’m old and gray and still very, very pink.

So with this exciting idea in mind, I find it appropriate to do a somewhat different type of “Podcasts&”. This is still very much an article dabbling into my specific interests and experiences though also a guide of sorts to those who may be wrapped up in the creative hype. Allow me to pull you starry-eyed artists aside for some well-meaning advice. May you follow in the footsteps of your idols, though know you are above any of their common mistakes.

I had a few options in store to pick from when it came to another topic covering audio drama critique, though I felt that I wanted to address this first. This is another dabbling into the more specific structures of my podcast journalism and the consumption and creation of audio drama in general. 

In a similar vain to my latest article, “Podcasts & Critique”, I’ll be talking about something that perhaps not many are willing to discuss out in the open but is certainly touched upon enough that I feel the merits to bring it up in more depth. What we will be discussing today is the element of effective story structure.

Get comfortable, this is gonna be a long one. 

Keep reading

My Top 5 Captain Canary Moments

I’ve been thinking a lot about my favorite Captain Canary moments, sooo I decided to rank them, because why not?

5) The bar fight – It’s hard putting any of these moments at the bottom because I love them all so much. This is the scene in which I fell for Captain Canary. The challenge in her tone and expression with, “Wanna dance, Leonard?” The way he lingers over his words, telling her he’ll watch, and the intensity in his gaze as he follows through on that. The genuine, almost soft smile when she starts fighting and he looks at Mick like, “This woman is pretty awesome.” Seriously, I’ve watched the show just looking for genuine smiles out of him. He doesn’t have many. Leonard is intrigued and a bit enamored already, and Sara trusts him, enough to invite him to dance when she was clearly fine dancing alone, enough to let him hold her open drink, enough to stay out of the fight when she had it, enough to back her up when she needed it.

4) That’s not you anymore – Where do I even start with this one? I mean, okay. They’ve been bickering and bantering and using nicknames all episode, and he’s already been sort of working toward this, but when it comes down to the wire, “Sara, don’t do it.” His voice is rough, sincere, and he uses her name, her first name. I’m not saying it’s the first time he’s done it, but it’s definitely intentional here. He’s not talking to the assassin, the fighter, the White Canary. He’s talking to Sara, telling her something he believes, something he knows she needs to hear. “That’s not you anymore,” he says. She listens. This is the moment that made me finally create a Captain Canary blog and start writing.

3) The kiss – I’ve said some of this before, but it’s worth repeating. This kiss is something of a goodbye, something of apology. Each of them put as much as they can of themselves into it, given the circumstances. You can see it, in their eyes, their necks; this kiss is desperation followed and preceded by memorizing the moment they know will be their last together. Why isn’t it higher in my list? Well, it hurts, for one. It’s a goodbye, for another. The rest of these moments are beginnings, in their way, growing closer. This one’s the end, for now. Still, though, it’s a kiss, an emotional one at that, and I’m glad we got one.

2) Freezing – Tropes abound here, which is the first point in its favor. Sara and Leonard are trapped together and freezing to death. They’ve still got barriers between them, like they do with everyone, but they’re coming down. They talk about death, about beginnings, the people who matter to them. When it gets too cold to talk—sometime after Leonard gives Sara his jacket off-screen, I might add—Sara leans against him and pulls him close. It’s only comfort, emotional and physical, but Sara seeks it out, and Leonard allows it, and I’m a disaster okay?? They’re already getting to know each other, already growing close, but I think this moment goes a long way toward pulling down the walls they keep up between themselves and everyone else.

1) Me, and you, and me and you – I will NEVER be over this conversation, okay?? Never. Okay. So Leonard knows he’s messed up. He comes bringing cards and conversation, hoping maybe she needs either a distraction or to talk things through, because he could use one or both, but in this moment, questioning his life, even knowing he messed things up with her, Sara is the one he seeks out. He leads with an apology, Snart style. And then, okay, here’s part of why this conversation gets me so much; Leonard uses the flimsiest excuse to segue into talking about their potential future together. You know Leonard has to have regrets; hell, we saw him try to change his own past. But here, he ignores all those, instead using it as an excuse to turn the conversation. “It’s the things I didn’t do that keep me up at night.” His words that follow are innocent enough; it’s the tone and the expression that let Sara know he’s talking about a future together.

for me, and you, and me and you.

He’s considered their future, decided he wanted it, and intentionally sought out a chance to broach the idea with Sara. For someone with as many walls as Leonard Snart, someone who doesn’t do touchy-feely, to intentionally start a relationship talk? Hell. And on top of that, as upset and distracted as Sara is, she doesn’t say no. She says he’d better be one hell of a thief. She challenges him, says something she knows will encourage him to keep trying.

Both of them are interested in a future together, and after this conversation, they both know it. The timing sucked, and season two didn’t fix it, but you know what?

I still think about their future. Always will.

Hey guys! This is Amiya and I’m leaving...

Hey guys! This is Amiya. I know this is very sudden, but Ive been thinking about this for a very long time now. I promise myself to post this once i reached 10k and it’s time…… I am officially closing “Jihanlife”. This includes mmeanielife, verkwanlife, and jicheollife…… 

I dont even know how to write this without getting emotional ahahahah. 

Being a part of this community is an eye opening experience. Unexceptionally. It gave me more than what ive asked for. All i wanted is a place to store jisoo and jeonghan photos. but then i met you guys and made alot amazing friends, supports, and love. OVERWHELMING LOVE. I was able to show my arts and edits and gain alot of skills through the process. Overtime the purpose of “jihanlife” had changed. It is now to spread the love and share out seventeen information to you guys. To make people learn more about seventeen and gather together as a fandom and i think my job is done here. I’ve complete my goals. Over this past 2 years, Im so glad to be able to make you guys happy. The best part of tumblr is that i can really connect with you guys like no other platform could. I love answer your question funny or serious. i love making shit post. i lovelovelove many thing about this place. it makes me feel warm and welcoming everyday. A year ago, i cant imagine leaving this place. “Jihanlife” mean so much to me…………

Now to the hard part….. as to “why im leaving…” 

The closing of jihanlife (tumblr) does not mean the ending of my love toward seventeen. Don’t worry. I’m not leaving seventeen or this fandom any time soon. I’ve been in this fandom since before they debut. I’m WAY to invested in seventeen. It’s too late to turn back now ahahah. Perhaps I even love them more that ever and will always do. But there are some reasons why i decided to leave…. and im gonna keep it very real.

1. I cant keep up with my blog. I cant work like i did before. My normal routine is to upload EVERY SINGLE PHOTOS of jisoo and jeonghan onto this blog EVERYDAY. and I run this blog alone. Once i missed a day. Its hard for me to go back and reupload it. Sometime it can take up to 6-8 hours per day. And thats just too much. I know i dont have to upload every single photos out there but its just my thing you know. and it starts to become a burden to me. Almost like task i need to complete. It starts to feel like work instead of hobby. I somehow pressure myself into it and i started to “hate” this blog. Someday it left my heart heavy and i want to get it off……. 

2. Unpleasant personal experiences with fansites. Ive been in the fandom for sometime now. For 3-4 years. I know things and experience things that are fairly unpleasant. Something most people dont know about and i wish you will never know.. ever. Since then, i dont feel the same. It’s hard to explain you directly but it is what it is. I really do wish i havent experienced those negative stuff but it hit me hard and yep life is life. Shit happened once in a while and its okay. i get it. i get over it. moved on. But little bit little, I lose that motivation, I gave them those “maybes”. The will to run this blog as energetic as before, its slowly disappearing. i highly respect fansites. I was one before (and pls dont dig up my history lol its ancient). It takes alot of time, money, effort, and passion. Since this blog is highly involved with fansites. I gave them credibility of their works, respect their works and understand their tricky circumstances that most people wont understand, but unfortunately Ive never recieve any form for mutual respect and instead an “unpleasant” experiences. Dont get me wrong, there are alot of good fansites out there. Ones that respect you as a human being. But Im just never lucky to met/known ones. It sucks. (At the end, you do you. Me do Me. Im good. No hard feelings <3 )

3. It’s time. You know when you do so many cooking to the point that you can just tell by instinct that your chicken is cooked. No? me neither. I dont cook lol. All jokes a side, i really mean it. I just feel it is the best time to leave it like this and move on.

4. I’m Confused. There are alot happening in my life right now and im confused. So I need to make the decision and cut something out. A huge sacrifice. Jihanlife is my life and i love it so much. Ive worked on it so so hard 24/7 for the past 2 years but we need to make that decision to move on. Maybe I just need a break. Sorry for not being able to do this anymore…. Im so sorry…..

5. I ate too many gummies bear. I ate too many gummies bear. I ran out. I need to buy a new jar. so i cant blog. (lol)

Im not gonna deactivate this blog (yet). Im gonna leave it like that because damn i worked on it everyday for the past 2 years for nothing ahahahh . If you guys want to check out old photos of Jihan. You can still swim in the archive! 

After I posted this in my blog, ill be here for the next 48 hrs before permanently leaving. So i can answer and talk to you guys <3 

Even though im leaving tumblr but you still can find me screaming about seventeen, retweeting Jihan photos, doing this same shit on

Twitter: https://twitter.com/jihanlife

Follow my personal life! You can stalk me on youtube and IG. I just started a youtube channel! Yes im moving from tumblr to youtube now ahhahha. I have alot planned ahead and it would be nice to have my friend here go along on a journey with me! <33 im not quite sure with the content yet but im trying! So Join the Journey to the wildness of random shit LOL! So stay tune!!! 

Youtube: Amy Choo

IG: gam.choo

It has been an amazing and precious experience. Truly. I hope you guys will keep continue loving seventeen and support them and yeah i hope you guys will do amazing…. as always. I will always be there for you even if im not in here anymore. Thank you for being so kind and caring to me. Thankyou for cheering me up when im down. Thankyou for adoring my work. Thankyou for being positive. Thank you for making this place a special place <3

This has been Amiya. Thank you for having me. Be kind, stay humble, believe unicorn and eat alot of cotton candy. I love you all.

Continue to spread the love.

Jihanlife (amiya)

Shabby Sandcastles Pt 2; C.H.

A/N: Due to popular demanded, I’ve given this part 2 a go. Happy reading.

“Y/n! Y/n wait!” She stops in her tracks, but doesn’t turn around at the sound of my voice. I wouldn’t blame her. She doesn’t speak, just stands there completely motionless, waiting for me to do something. “I’m sorry.” I mutter, probably not completely genuine if you ask me, but all the well, I meant it.

“I saw that yeah. I haven’t done anything wrong to you so in what right mind makes you think you can treat me in such a way?” Her voice is strained, but full of emotion - anger, maybe even hatred, towards me. I can’t come up with something proper to give her as an answer and decide to just stay quiet.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” She speaks louder this time and I can feel my cheeks heating when a few people down the corridor turn their heads. “Y/n, I’m sorry it’s just…” I trail off. She won’t be too happy with me when I just tell her she isn’t cool enough for me, because she most definitely is.

“Just what? You’ve got a reputation to uphold?” She cocks an eyebrow at me and a devious grin makes its way into her lips while she stares at me. I can feel the guilt and shame become apparent on my features and I think it fuels her anger she’s storing - just for me. “You don’t understand. Luke and - well you know - I can’t go back to how it was before Y/n. I just can’t.”

“Then I guess you can’t talk to me, right? Let’s end it now then and get it over with.” She huffs and turns on her heel again, ready to stalk away from me. “Y/n babe come on, wait.” I speak a bit louder while my fingers curl around her wrist. The death glare I receive speaks a thousand words, but I do not release my hold.

“Why didn’t you text me back?” I mumble, eyes cast towards the floor when I feel her pulling cease and let go of her wrist. I cross my arms over my chest, something defensive about it, when she slowly shakes her head at me. “We still aren’t completely housed in, Calum. I’ve been working on our new home for almost two weeks alongside my parents to get it a little bit more home-y. If I did get a chance to look at my phone I wouldn’t be awake long enough for a full text message.”

I don’t respond because somehow I knew she wasn’t like the other girls and wouldn’t keep me hanging on some thin line while talking to ten other males. She wasn’t like that. “So I’m sorry that I may have hurt your feelings, Calum. But sometimes life doesn’t go easy on you, it’s not like I want to be here.”

“I was enthralled when I saw you on the courtyard this morning.” I lazily smile, hoping to pull a small smile - any smile would suffice - from her lips. I fail.

“I didn’t notice any of that when you just blatantly ignored me two minutes ago.” If her words would be poisonous, I would’ve given up by now and accepted my faith. But I’m not giving up this easily.

“Let me take you out. I could show you around, and I can make it up to you. It’s a win-win for you.” I take both of her hands and feel more and more people stopping to stare, ignoring their conversations and focusing solely on ours. “And what’s in it for you?”

“I get to hang out with this awesome friend I made during the summer. And who knows.” I throw her a wink and I see the hint of a smile appear but she decides to scoff. “No and who knows Calum. I’m not someone who lets people walk all over her without consequences.” She smiles up at me and I feel my chest warm up - the same feeling I have felt all summer while I was around her.

“Tonight?” I ask hopefully while I let her hands go, taking a step back. “Can’t. Have to help my mom with the basement.”

I can feel my heart drop into my shoes that she might blow me off every single suggestion I make. “But how about this weekend? I’m free Friday night.” She chuckles when she sees the humongous grin that probably will remain for the rest of the day.

“I’ll make time. I’ll see you then?” I grin taking a few steps back towards the doorway as I watch her grin shyly, nodding her head. “Great.”


“I’m sorry I’m late. Got held up at the boys.” I sheepishly grin as soon as Y/n opens the door. The small smile playing on her lips shows me that she isn’t angry with me. “Where do you wanna go?”

“Well, I told you I’d show you around, didn’t I? So, let’s start with something to eat at one of my favourite places.” I start guiding her towards my car to start a night she hopefully would forgive me with and would be unforgettable all the same.

“This is the best pizza I’ve ever tasted! I think I’m in love.” Y/n mumbles with a mouth full of pizza, nodding her head along to emphasise her words. “Well, eat up. Because I have ice skating planned after.” I wink at the beautiful girl in front of me and her face lights up immediately. She shoves another bite of pizza past her lips before she drops the crust onto her plate.

“Let’s go then. I’m excited to see what you have in store. I can’t skate though.” She purses her lips and I chuckle, shaking my head as I stand up. While I hold out a hand for her to take, I speak. “Maybe that way you will be too busy to laugh at me falling flat on my ass.” It draws a high pitched giggle from her lips as she winds her arm around my biceps, pulling me closer.

“Believe it or not, I missed you.” I feel my heart constrict as she speaks the words and don’t speak up, just press her closer towards me.

Ice skating went just as I expected it would go. I was a complete and utter failure, while all of a sudden she decided to find a knick at it. It was nice to hear her laugh so heartily and carefree. If hearing that some more meant me falling down an awful lot more than necessary, I’d do it over and over again. It would also mean I would feel pretty sore at practice tomorrow.

“Well, I had an amazing night. Thank you.” Y/n mumbles as she ties her own shoes back up and raises to her feet, wiggling from leg to leg in front of me. “Who said the night was over yet?” I grin up, raising to my own feet so I could return the skates. “What do you mean?”

“There’s something I’d like to show you. Nothing all too special.” I pull her along for the short walking distance uphill. I already feel my heart hammering in my chest although I don’t know why, when I take the last few steps up to the edge.

“Oh my god, Calum. This – this is amazing.” The twinkling lights of the city does itself justice. It seems a bit magical, maybe even movie-worthy as both of us stand there, enjoying the scenery. “This concludes the end of our tour. Thank you for choosing Calum Tours.” I proclaim proudly, turning towards Y/n as she bursts into a fit of giggles.

“You’re such a moron. Thank you for this, it’s beautiful and I really enjoyed myself.” Y/n smiles at me, her hands curling around my arm as she sneaks closer towards my frame. The wind was picking up and the night was setting it – it was turning harshly cold rather soon. We had to leave shortly. “Any time.”

“So, aren’t you going to kiss me?” Y/n questions as her gaze keeps locked on the twinkling lights, smirk covering her lips. She doesn’t have to tell me twice.

Yuri on Ice AO3 Fic Recs!

Hi. I am one of those terrible people that consume a lot more fic than I comment on, because I’m a shy and lazy child. So: fic recs. To promote lesser-known authors, I’ll list from least to most bookmarked (I’ve left out some really popular ones, you can likely find those on your own). Feel free to give me recs in return!

If you’re an author on this list (and somehow see this despite my small following) and are like “mothereffer who’re you we’ve never talked” I plan on commenting on all of these this weekend, because #ficrecdays.

Symphony in a minor by Anicaruscomplex: This adorable 2 part drabble was published around Christmas and it’s been with me ever since. It’s a slice of life, but also Yuuri dealing with the temporary nature of their relationship.

what he notices most is the quiet by fishingclocks: Long distance fic. Did you know that a scene about Viktor making blini in the morning could send your heart into conniption fits? Well, now I do.

Nightfall in Osaka by ryukoishida: A perfect and soft date night for Viktor and Yuuri at the start of them being competitors. Also, the author researched actual beautiful locations for them to go to.

Step three: I’m calling you baby by polly_perks: Viktor deals with the fact that Yuuri isn’t the same man he met at the banquet. It’s sweet and crafted so well.

Scents of home by espritneo: This is the best fic I’ve ever read about Makkachin. Have you ever heard of espritneo? NO? Allow me to introduce you to this gift of a human being. Everything espritneo puts out has wonderful characterization of both Viktor and Yuuri and everyone else in their lives. Also, espritneo is versatile: canon continuations, folklore AUs, sex, time travel, and this whole puppy fic. You have no excuse not to check them out.

Seagulls on the shore (that which we grasp) by Gintsuki: Everyone has daemons and this story makes me wish daemons were canon, because it works SO WELL. This story flows like poetry.

Heart Lines by thelonelywriter: Yuuri reads Viktor’s palm, Viktor is ridiculous, and it’s adorable. Thelonelywriter, despite being lonely, has written some very quality fluff, so check them out.

Infinitesimal being by sarahyyy: An Otabek/Yuri fairytale story where Otabek is an immortal goblin, and it’s… written from OTABEK’S POV sometimes. I feel like this is so rare but it’s done so perfectly, and the lore behind it is bittersweet.

Every inch of you is perfect by lazulisong: *fans self* Every inch of lazulisong is perfect and I’ll say it as many times as I need to. Just go read everything. You’ll thank me later.

Again and Again by grayclouds: A reincarnation AU that is heart-wrenchingly beautiful and unconventional. It’s a whirlwind of different forms of Victuuri and some have me turning over in my bed at night—in one of them they don’t even exist at the same time and it still makes my stomach flip.

The road that stretches out ahead by hellodeer: Yuuri and Viktor go on a road trip. THIS FIC. I’ve read it so many times, and it’s just raw and so convincing in its story of how Yuuri finally realizes that Viktor actually loves him and intends to stay with him. It doesn’t get all the attention it deserves.

Undertow by Mhalachai: *heavy breathing* this fic is beautiful and creative and almost made me cry for Viktor Nikiforov. It’s one of the few fics that demonstrates Viktor’s insecurities and doubts and does it by successfully using supernatural Russian folklore. I am so impressed by this piece and it’s still messing with my head—it also has a companion piece that’s Yuuri-centric.

Understand Someday by triste: A wonderful piece of Victuuri family fluff, starring Yurio. You will want to hug the little tiger by the end of it. Triste has other excellent works, too!

Rumour has it by lunaetude: Viktor and Yuuri are at Hogwarts together, and are ADORABLE and very in-character, and it alludes to Viktor’s loneliness softly but emotionally. Lunaetude has multiple AUs for YOI that are gorgeous, so go read everything by that author, even if you don’t think it’s your cup of tea, because you WILL like it.

Of Dahlias and Deadlines by ingthing: have you ever read a fic and been like, this is so cute? Why isn’t this a show all by itself? Well, ingthing has a florist/wedding planner AU series that makes me say this every time they post, and everyone should read it. Viktor was born to be a wedding planner.

Easy on my knees by ineptshieldmaid: A Viktor-centric relationship study that has such a careful and touching path to them getting together, and Viktor trusting and loving Yuuri. Ineptshieldmaid has written other equally squeal-inducing fanfic, too!

High-Flying, Adored by terra_incognita: I’m a sucker for superhero AUs and this is amazing. Everybody has secret identities and it’s a love square between Viktor and Yuuri and their superhero personas—it’s quirky and emotional and addictive. Also, Yuri Plisetsky is amazing in it. You will have to suspend your disbelief a bit though, because Yuuri somehow doesn’t realize that two silver haired Russians arriving in town at the same time ARE THE SAME PERSON.

The measure of the year (the mind of men) by geckoplasm: A fic where Yuuri and Viktor are a real couple with actual communication issues, just like in the show! They screw up and make up and you always get both sides of the story in a way that is personal and eye-opening as to how two people that love one another can still have misunderstandings and cause major damage.

Adoration (noun) by crossroadswrite: pre episode 10, but an incredibly convincing and thoughtful explanation of how Viktor fell in love with Katsuki Yuuri—an AU where Viktor had originally intended to leave Hasetsu after a year.

Chasing Tail by Metallic_Sweet: This is the only fic on my list that I think is probably dead but please read it just for an A/B/O experience that you’ve likely never had before. Viktor has his scent glands removed and he is calculating in a way almost nobody depicts him as, but which I think is true to canon.

From june to September by bigspoonnoya: “This is the summer they fell in love.” This fic is essentially canon to me, it’s so well written.

Body music by fan_nerd: Um, everybody probably already knows fan_nerd because they’re a magical presence in the YOI fandom, but their reverse AU is the best. Viktor looks up to five-time champion Katsuki Yuuri and some things stay the same (being drunk at the banquet) and some things hilariously change (Yuuri actually emails Viktor before he just shows up at his house).

Dear Mama by Ferrero13: Viktor writes letters and emails to his beloved mother throughout the YOI series, and it’s HILARIOUS. Also sweet. Viktor’s writing and drama is spot on, and this whole fic is just well done.

Specks of silver in the evening sky by winchilsea: “Viktor’s kink is taking care of Yuuri” in a way that’s both eros and agape. This fic is breathtaking. *sobs into hands* I love winchilsea. Sometimes I read things by winchilsea that I don’t even know about (I read a Pacific Rim AU of YOI and I’ve never glanced at Pacific Rim) and it doesn’t matter because they are such high quality.

I’ve been up nights making you my god by kevystel: Oh, kevystel. I’m reccing this fic because it’s one of the first I found, but anything by kevystel is golden. It’s a brilliant and gorgeous relationship study.

On top of the world by springsoldier(ladydaredevil): Another superhero AU, where superman Viktor takes on Yuuri as his superhero protégé and Yuri Plisetsky fails terribly in his attempt to be a villain (he rescues kittens, y’all). It’s so, so precious and I love its Viktor.

I have my body (and you have yours) by astoryaboutwar: *UNINTELLIGIBLE SCREAMING* if you haven’t read any of her works, you need to go read astoryaboutwar RIGHT NOW. This is a heart-stopping soulmate AU where Yuuri keeps his soulmate a secret and then everything is emotional and stunningly written. *points helplessly at ‘our doubts are traitors’* Look, she’s writing this too and nobody is worthy of it. Nobody.

Nerve Endings by Phyona: Yuuri moves to St. Petersburg, and they deal with Yuuri’s anxiety. Yuuri has A LOT of anxiety, and it’s depicted at length here in ways that feel real and devastating. Later, Viktor has anxiety too, and overall I was just sitting there clenching my head in my hands, having a lot of feelings. 

Healthy Impropriety by mtothedestiel: Viktor and Yuuri in Victorian times!! Viktor is EXTRA extra, in the most perfect way, and Yuuri is just a normal Victorian guy trying to live his life. The author clearly worked really hard to keep it true to novels written during that time (Pride and Prejudice, etc).

Closer, Still by sciencefictioness: *spits out beer* did you know that A/B/O could be incredibly poetic and full of gorgous yearning and make you feel like you’ve been missing out on someone for your entire life?! Go read this.

The naming of cats by csoru: Another Yuri/Otabek rec. It’s realistic and Yuri is so in character it hurts. It actually spends time depicting their ice skating careers, and doesn’t just focus on their relationship, in true YOI style. Also it’s wonderfully written, so go check it out.

Stargazer by Fahye: No ice skating, just amazing space AU sports. Yuuri is a commoner that gets taken under the wing of space royalty to learn how to ballist.

From Almaty, With Love by BoxWineConfessions: another one that I probably don’t have to rec because if you like Yuri/Otabek, you’ve already discovered it. Yuri goes to visit Otabek for a summer and they fall in love. It captures both of them very well, and its scenes are written out so stunningly that even them lounging around in Otabek’s apartment is like a painted picture in your mind. I’m not even a huge Yuri/Otabek fan and this fic is just… sigh.

Always My Soulmate by Watermelonsmellinfellon: obviously, I’m a sucker for soulmate AUs and compilations and this is a good one. Watermelonsmellinfellon contributes a massive amount to the YOI community, and has done everything: soulmates, an AU where Yuuri is deaf, and time travel, and they actually research everything. So, so impressed.

A glide in your step by Yuu_chi: this was one of the first fics I read that threw me into the pit of YOI. It’s so, so sweet and masterfully crafted and something I always go back to; it’s a beautiful depiction of how Yuuri and Viktor got together in Hasetsu. It’s pining Viktor written before pining Viktor was even canon.

Maelstrom by feelslikefire: Viktor relives the a day of the Sochi Grand Prix over and over. A fic in which Viktor is actually initially a terrible person that gets to do character development, AND the worst day of Yuuri’s life is handled masterfully again and again.

Victor Effing Nikiforov by shysweetthing: so I would like to recommend both the story and the author, who despite being a writing god constantly descends from heaven to grace everyone with reviews and tumblr musings (her tumblr is the same as her author name on AO3). Yuuri doesn’t fail the Japanese nationals after GPF1, makes it to Worlds, and Viktor Nikiforov steamrollers him with love that Yuuri is incredibly confused by. Go read everything by this author and pray that she updates Viktor!!! With Swords at some point.

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by Reiya: They’re rivals! Do I even have to rec this? It’s so frickin popular and THERE’S A REASON. I daydream about this fic and the worldbuilding for the AU is sublime. The author plans everything out so beautifully. In case you’ve somehow missed it, Yuuri meets up with Viktor as a kid, Viktor is Viktor and is blunt, and Yuuri’s heart breaks, resulting in him ferociously working to beat Viktor in competition. Then, there’s incredibly respectful one-sided hate sex.

Like your French girls by ebenroot: Viktor is an artist, and Yuuri his figure skating muse. Everybody knows this fic. It’s perfection.

Pretend (Drabble)

Anon, you’ve slayed me. That’s so cute and pure and my heart is just tearing itself apart. I just love these sorts of prompt. THEY’RE PURE AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY, SO I’M HAPPY FOR THEM. I hope you enjoy, and thanks for the request. I have chosen to subject Jesse McCree to this because this guy needs some McLovin’. (I’m just in a Jesse McCree mood for some reason.)

A romantic relationship in this line of work was a dangerous thing, and if you both valued your lives, you would never enter one. Attachment is dangerous, you reminded yourself daily. But your traitorous heart ached anyway, unheeding of your rationality and logic.   

Dealing with this whole thing would be tremendously easier if you and Jesse McCree weren’t on a long-term mission mission as a duo. It took every scrap of self-control (and more) to prevent yourself from embarrassing yourself with some over-the-top reaction when this mission was announced. Though, Torbjorn did receive a nasty glare when he shouted, “About damn time. I’ve got projects to fund, you know.” 

It’s been weeks since you both came to this city, setting up camp in a residential neighborhood where there were suspected to be a weapons trading ring. It was hard to believe at first considering just how peaceful everything seemed when you and Jesse moved in, pretending to be recently married. When you questioned the decision for this scenario (not that you were entirely against it), Soldier: 76 explained it was to blend in and get among the trading ring’s ranks. It was a very family-orientated neighborhood, after all. Jesse, always the one to roll with the punches, took your hand and tapped you where a ring would theoretically sit. 

“So, d’you wanna take my last name or should I take yours?”

That lit a fire so bright inside you that you felt like you were going to become a victim of spontaneous human combustion. 

It wouldn’t be the last time you’d feel such a way. 

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Linkin Park: Through Black Eyes

Featured Photo: Myself in 2007, in a Linkin Park t-shirt

Trigger warning: This article discusses the recent suicide of Chester Bennington, and his past, dealing with drug addiction, mental illness, and sexual assault.

Exactly a day after the news broke that Chester Bennington of Linkin Park had died, Afropunk posted a heartfelt and somewhat personal reaction, which encouraged black kids from ages 35 to 15 to respond in droves. For a certain age set of the black community, Linkin Park was our reintroduction to rock music, via the DJ styles of Joe Hahn, and the poetic bars of Mike Shinoda. They gave Chester’s lyrics and voice an edge that could cross barriers. It’s why the band resonated with so many people.

Unfortunately, not everyone could see that. An older generation of black people also weighed in on the article, unsure of what to make of this band, being herald by AFROPUNK as having given black kids the gift of rock. But if you were like me, in 2001, the internet was just a baby. My mother and nana, who both raised me, didn’t raise me on rock n’ roll, or its origins. How could I have known this glorious, and complex genre was invented by a queer black woman? Or even known that Chuck Berry came before Elvis? Enter Linkin Park.

They were one of the earliest bands I ever got into, with maybe Green Day coming in first. Linkin Park were the only band that showed me a side to rap that I hadn’t seen before. A sensitive, poetic branch. An album like “Hybrid Theory” gave me the space in my mind to later be able to consume or even conceive something like, Jay-Z’s 4:44. They were the first to show me how two seemingly different genres of music can meld together. They were one of the first bands I was truly devoted to.. if only for a passionate childhood and pre-teenhood. They were also the first band to teach me about depression, and trauma, and how it’s all connected. And I want, somehow, to further connect by writing down my experience of knowing Linkin Park, as a black person, the full extent of their contributions, and Chester’s legacy.

When the news first broke, I was in Sapelo Island. My partner and I were on vacation. We had only just gotten settled, when my friend Daniel made a vague Facebook post about Chester, that didn’t allude to situation.

I found out through Google. I couldn’t cry.

The thing is that, Chester isn’t by any means, a legend. Not even one his main influences, Stone Temple Pilots (for whom he front for a while), were legends. They were both products of legends (i.e. Mother Love Bone, the beginning of grunge), and they successfully rode that train of influence to a lucrative career. But despite this, Chester Bennington is someone that means something, to MILLIONS of KIDS. It is mostly kids who listen to Linkin Park. How on earth do you tell your young teen or preteen that their favorite singer couldn’t cope with the world? With 2016 having passed, I think we can all say we have had our fair share of heavy loss. But as an adult, how do you navigate the death of a portion of your life? That was what Linkin Park was, for black millennials; a gateway to a lifestyle

        Photo: A photo I took on the endless beaches of Sapelo.

This is also a story about trauma.

I don’t know how many know his story, but Chester was sexually abused for several years, by an older male friend. I know I have friends who have experienced sexual traumas. I know based on their experiences that recovery is so hard. And the trauma eats its way into habits (think “Breaking The Habit” from 2004’s Meteora), like drug addiction and eating disorders, and self harm. Chester had ALL of that, and then some, and while it may not have been the sole reason he took his life, it was one of many. A myriad of thoughts and actions, weighing him down to nothing. 

In a world where black pain is weakness, and often ignored, I sometimes felt kinship with Chester for the pain that, while expressed creatively, existed between the lines, that hid inside himself. He was an empath. I am an empath. And we exist in a minority circle of people who probably get hurt, a lot. 

Late at night on August 4th, I watched footage of Chester doing an interview, not too long before he died.

He was so alive. When Chester was alive, he was SO alive. He had the personality of the sun. His smile, and laughter, and playfulness, were all still incredibly infectious, up until he died. What has been hard is knowing that as intensely as he felt joy, he probably felt pain just as intense. But that was Chester. My only images of Chester in my mind are of two, radically different faces: His wide, open-mouthed smile, and his wide, open-mouthed screams, when performing. 

Part of what made Linkin Park relatable from the jump, and for almost 20 years, was their ability to tap into the angst (and beyond teenage angstiness) of an entire nation.. and farther. And that emotion is directly descended from Chester’s personal experiences with being a person, trapped in the memories of trauma and substance abuse, which he was very, very, painfully open about.. which made him, and the band stand out from the likes of Evanescence, Slipknot, and Limp Bizkit. So you can imagine, that anything that Linkin Park commits to tape for an album, is coming from a genuine place of heavy emotion.

With that said, despite them being honest songwriters until the end, the backlash towards their newest release (One More Light, May 19th), was, and still actually is, very severe. People genuinely do NOT like this album. Linkin Park have had their fair share of harsh criticism over their career, but I don’t think there’s been a single album of theirs that’s been met with such universal scorn.. despite it charting at number one, high numbers around the globe, before Chester’s death.

On August 16th, I got through listening to the album. It is not the worse thing I’ve ever heard. It’s just not what I expected. For half of it, I was simply bored. There is one song that I just had to skip, “Sorry For Now”, because it had a beat drop, and some synth stuff happening that made me feel like I was listening to Halsey or some shit, and I feel bad, but I just couldn’t do it. That one I genuinely hated. But there are highlights. The first single, “Heavy”, featuring Kiiara, is growing on me, mainly because the music video for it is so captivating. Mike’s verse in “Good Goodbye” was strong, but it’s his only rapping part on the entire album. “Halfway Right” would have been a better choice for a single than the last two that were released.

Photo: Hybrid Theory-era Linkin Park, photoshoot outtake | Credit: Jen Luciani

The saving grace of this album is its title track, “One More Light”; an entirely stripped, almost acapella take, that is heartbreaking, and sadly prophetic. I cry whenever I hear it. The final track, “Sharp Edges” is a wonderful, folksie song that should’ve been put before “One More Light”, instead of being the closer.. but that’s just how I feel. The album is not a total dud, it’s just not Linkin Park at their full potential.

Even an opinion like mine, paired alongside the harsh insults they have received, was probably incredibly painful, and damaging to Chester, who since the album’s release, has been accused of being a “sell-out”, prompting him to lash out in interviews and on social media in the immediate aftermath.. causing some musician friends, i.e. Slipknot’s Corey Taylor to tell him to take it easy, and try to tune out the negative, because at the end of the day, they’re still one of the biggest millennium bands in the world.

That probably didn’t help. Our “criticism” didn’t help. Based on interviews given before his death, clearly was having a hard time personally, leading up to the recording of the record. That’s something none of us probably ever take into consideration when listening to an album: the artist’s mindset. And I’ll be honest, since I haven’t consistently been listening to Linkin Park in about 10 years, I thought that because they had all these things going for them–charities, millions of fans, nice houses in California, the same band line-up for 15+ years, and the most upbeat personalities of any band i’ve ever seen, I assumed things were fine.

But Chester’s a person with clinical depression. Who had a therapist. Who probably took medication (or maybe not). Who experienced YEARS of trauma, and then years of substance abuse to try and silence his mind. How stupid am I to think that everything is fine, just because it’s been x amount of years, and he’s in a successful rock band?

I’m disappointed in myself, and as guilty as anybody, for accusing Linkin Park of “putting on” the angst in their recent work, thinking that they’re just trying to keep up with writing what they always write about. That the lyrics are “just words”, to fill in the instrumentation.

In that way, I’m pretty sure we’ve let Chester down. How fucked up is that?

Last night, I got high at a party with my partner, and inevitably, our conversation ending up toward Linkin Park. I thought it was drabble, but he said I should commit it to paper (or iPhone). That I had something to say.

I’ve mentioned earlier the lyrical content of Linkin Park’s songs. They are incredibly personal, and the last album is no exception. I’ve mentioned that, when Chester was alive, he was very much ALIVE. He radiated intense amounts of joy… but how that also means his pain was probably felt just as hard. Throughout his career, and particularly (and eerily) in the last year of his life, Chester had been candid, open, about his struggle with mental illness. There were hardly boundaries between him, the band, and his fans. Viewing the Instagram and Snapchat videos they’ve done in the last few months of Chester’s life, you can see how active of a participant Linkin Park is, in their fan base. And that’s what I want to single out, here: Chester’s death, was like the loss of a childhood friend.

Linkin Park’s fan base consists mostly of millennials. We grew up with Linkin Park. Those feelings of anger, depression, and anxiety that they knew too well, resonated with all of us. That’s what propelled them to the top of the charts. That’s what won them Grammys. But what made Linkin Park completely transparent, and still relevant after 18 years, was their kindness, namely Chester’s.

Chester made you feel like you were his best friend. It was in his physical enthusiasm. It was in his voice, and the way it engages with you. His sense of humor. His humility. Linkin Park were never a cocky band. The strength of their dedication and transparency with their fan base, made it feel like we knew them. And yeah, I felt like I knew Chester. It was like one of us moved away, but every now and then, one of us would make it back home to visit, and catch up. Was I listening to new Linkin Park, and keeping up musically? No. But I would play the old stuff, and reminisce about the intensity to which I carried a torch for LP, once. And now that Chester’s gone, there’s a significant chunk of that era that has died. He was brilliant. He was warm. He was kind. It’s still not fair.

I lost my best friend, that day.

If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, and suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255), CrisisChat, or the Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386).

I am also selling original, Linkin Park artwork, where 20% of month-end sales on all designs will be donated to Music for Relief (which has been redirected to the One More Light Fund, for Chester). Link below.


Origins of the Friendly Ghost

I guess that’s how I got my name. My parents are cartoon buffs, so when their baby popped out off-color and half-dead, there was only one thing to do. If you haven’t guessed it yet, my name is ******-Ghost. I’m Ghost.

I have anemia, caused by a severe iron deficiency. But that not the only thing I’m referring to when I say my heart wasn’t quite right. It’s three sizes too big, or I like to say so. It’s normal sized in reality, but it sure seems like too many people can fit inside at once. It makes it kind of hard to breathe sometimes. Too much weight in my chest. You can’t really blame me for having bad posture, can you? With a chest full of people, you’d probably do the same.

My heart was an okay size when I was very young, but it grew at a much faster rate than I did. My body grew in a linear way, and my heart exponential. I always cared a bit too much, even when my heart was the right size, though. I grew attached to anyone who stuck around long enough to let me. We moved often when I was younger, because my dad was involved in the military.

Eventually, we settled down in good old Elkader, Iowa, a town where everyone knows your name. I was in middle school by now, and my heart was heavy from all the people I had left behind.

So one day in eighth grade, I ran as far as my feet could carry me- which ended up being about 35 miles, until I had to stop because I was going into shock- and I emptied everyone out on the side of the road. I held onto two people, my parents. I sat there for who knows how long, until the sun set, and my mom had finally gotten our junky old minivan to drive out far enough to find me.

Soon enough, I was in high school, with my heart two sizes too big and a reputation two sizes too small. I was known as Ghost, mostly, or sometimes Spooky, or Jeepers. I was the kid who ran from Madison Middle School, from Elkader, from myself- although no one knew that part. People mostly left me alone when they weren’t poking fun at me. The two things balanced each other out in sort of a funny way, I suppose.

And then there was her.

She transferred to Elkader High (our school chant was ‘Goooo Elks!’ -very original) in my sophomore year. She was new, she was pretty, she was my light in the dim town that was Elkader.

It wasn’t dark there, because my heart glows for a couple yards around it. Not red, not pink, but grey. A heart that glows grey is a funny sort of concept, I guess, but you’d know if you saw it. My photos of other people always show their hearts. Hidden behind collars and scarves and jackets and hands, sometimes you can’t even see them glow. But they all do. Every single one.

Hers was golden, mixed with red sometimes when her emotions leaked into it. I could have seen it from a satellite.

She decided she liked the kid with the too big heart and the too small reputation. Maybe it was because I was the only one who had run from this place. Every other kid had lived in Elkader their whole life. They didn’t know what it was like to leave the place. I knew that Elkader’s generator could only make enough light for a dim glow in each heart. I had to get out of there, fast. And so did she. I could see her light fading by the days.

So we stuck together, us kids with slowly fading hearts. And eventually, we fell in love.

I wish I could tell you it was the pretty kind, where I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her, and I only fell further. Or maybe that it happened all at once, and never went away. None of that is true. It just kind of, happened. And I didn’t know what to do, because her soul was too big for even my heart.

But she tried anyway. She fit, just barely, squeezing out everyone else, and left the door to my heart wide open for her feet to stick out.

She never knew about how weak its walls were, I suppose. They were thin stained glass, made thinner by my anemia and my heart being stretched too big. She wanted a promise. In our little town, there were no rings that I could give her. Nothing was big enough for her Saturn-like soul. Maybe I was just too late to keep her heart from dimming too far.


The only thing I remember after that is blood. Maybe I just fell too hard and too fast for her. Maybe my walls finally broke. Maybe that was my promise. To die for her.

And I almost did. Would have been more fitting, I guess. When I woke up, she had left my heart in shards, my body bruised, and my plug pulled. My heart doesn’t glow anymore. I’m still trying to piece it back together.

So here I am. A crazy university called Elsewhere. The only place I’ve ever felt I belong. A boy with a shattered heart that doesn’t glow like it used to, and a name just big enough to fit all the pieces of myself behind, running from the only person who ever got close enough to break me.

Because if no one knows your weak spots, no one can hit them. So I hide behind the false front of a proud, brave, stupid kid, naïve enough to never have had his heart broken. And if you look close enough, you’ll see the real me behind it. Plug in hand, welding my heart back together, ready to start again.

P.S. You can find me @ghostinthejukebox if you promise not to hurt me.

Iron Fist Review (SPOILERS)

Generally speaking, I only like to review shows, movies, or games that I like, because my enjoyment of those things compels me to dissect, understand, and share what I believe led me, and usually other people, to enjoy them.

This review is an exception to that. I did not like Iron Fist. I thought it was bad. And I, in fact, thought it was such an underwhelming and at times frustrating show that I felt the need to articulate why I think I and so many other people were deeply dissatisfied with it.

As a preemptive to this review, I will be giving full spoilers. If you still want to watch the show, don’t read on. I also am writing this acknowledging that I am of Asian American descent, but will not in any way be allowing that or the choices of the script with regard to its portrayal of Asian culture or possible appropriation thereof to influence my review of this show. I’ve also never read a single Iron Fist comic in my life, so please don’t tell me that if you segregate the show from the comic, it works. The review will be based solely on what I view to be the merits of its scripting and storytelling alone.

Also, this is going to be long. Just a heads up. I’m going to be rambling a lot, because that’s how I write. I’m sure about two of you will actually read all of this, but this is just catharsis for me so that’s fine.

That being said: on with the review.

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answering asks!

SOME GOOD QUESTIONS UNDER THE CUT!!! idk how many ppl read these but u def should if wanna kno more abt my goofy ocs >:^)

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Take it Out on Me

Originally posted by forassgard

(Steve Rogers x Reader) 

After everything he went back to them, leaving Steve broken and you to try and pick up the pieces.

Words: 2021 Warnings: Angst, sad Steve, language

An: Just a little something, got a new part to Bad Habit on tuesday and Mischief on thursday. :) x

Tags: @lexbugz, @goal-mine

(Let me know if you want to be added/removed to Steve fics or anything else!)

Requests  Masterlist

Losing Bucky to Hydra had broken him, you saw him slip away more and more each day. He would deny it, tell everyone he was fine, but you knew, beneath the facade he put up, behind the false smiles and empty words he was losing himself to his depression. Every bit of news about Bucky made things worse, every act he committed for Hydra was another weight on Steve’s shoulders, another reminder he had failed his friend.

It was another damage control mission, the latest in an endless list since the Winter Soldier had returned to Hydra. Fury had intel Bucky was due to raid the SHIELD base for files on a new serum and you were there to stop him killing everyone to get them. By the time you arrived, half the base was dead or injured and the files had been uploaded to Hydra.

Steve’s hands were shaking as he aimed the gun at Bucky, his shield discarded beside him. Bucky was mirroring Steve’s stance, but he didn’t waver, didn’t show any signs of emotion.

“Please Buck, don’t make me do this,” Steve pleaded, getting no reaction from his friend, “you have to stop killing people, this isn’t you.”

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