but it would be weird if i bought them

the story of the underwear cockles op

y’all wanna hear the story of how @amazinmango and i got this photo op at phxcon this weekend?


so here’s the thing: n o n e of this was planned. it was amazing, hilarious, ridiculous kismet. 

mango’s had his birthday recently, and so i brought his birthday present with me to phxcon. part of the present was a pair of jensen’s underbears (i think the text i sent mango right after jib was, “we’re close enough that it’s not weird if i buy u underwear right????”) bc i thought that was hilarious from jib and mango is a huge jensen fan and dean!boy. so the original joke was just that mango could have the bear underwear. i also got him a second pair in orange, bc orange is his fav colour. this was as far as i thought this would go. 

so i get into phoenix thursday night and give mango his present. we didn’t know there were cockles photo ops until friday afternoon when we saw hard tickets for sale. i distinctly remember being bummed that my hometown con had cockles photo ops for sale online but phxcon, the one i was actually going to, did not. but obviously once i saw they were available, like. THERE WAS ONLY ONE CHOICE. so after deciding it was completely financially irresponsible when we have no money, i bought the op. 

i can’t remember when it occurred to us that we had both the underbears and a pair of lucky orange underwear for misha in our hotel room. we wanted to do something fun and funny for the op, and cracked ourselves up at the idea. but we were also aware that it could be, you know, kind of sort of maybe intensely uncomfortable to be like (a) i know what underwear u were wearing and (b) here i brought pairs of them for you to further laugh over. i have a T E R R I B L E akdslkjkas embarrassment squick, so we didn’t want to do anything that made us uncomfortable, and we definitely didn’t want to do anything that would make misha or jensen uncomfortable. we wanted them to have fun with us and play around with us. 

we ran our idea passed our roomie, who has some good con experience, to see if she thought it would fly or not. we agreed on judging our plan based on their mood on the day and asking them if they felt comfortable enough to do it was the best course of action, with a back-up plan ready to go immediately just in case, so j+m knew we were serious that they could totally pass on it if it was weird. CONSENT AND SAFE SPACE. we were hella concerned about this. 

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A-level results

I got my results 9 years ago (I know, I’m old, it’s fine) and over the years I have learnt some important things that I wanted to share.

1. Your grades do not define you as a person. You are a brave, beautiful, brilliant human being, not a load of letters on a piece of paper. You are not your grades.

2. (This one is a bit harsh, sorry to those who have just got their results). With every day that passes, your a-level results become less relevant. I can’t remember the last time someone asked me what grades I got at a-level. I’m fairly convinced that about 99% of my friends don’t know, or care, what grades I got. Other things become more important, like your experiences and your personality. A levels are just there to use as a stepping stone to something else. In the working world, it’s not that important.

3. You are not, and never will be, a failure. Thats just a fact. Accept it.

4. Life throws up weird shit at unexpected times, and this may be one of them. Go with it, you will look back and realise how different your life would have been, the people you wouldn’t have met, the places you wouldn’t have seen.

5. Social media is a bitch. It feels like the whole world is posting about how well they did and what university they got into and what presents they have been bought. I never experienced this with my a levels, that’s how old I am, but I did with my degree results. I know it’s the worst, but please know that you are not alone.

6. Please don’t compare yourself to anyone else. They have different life experiences and different shit going on in their life, they have a different way of working and of remembering things, and they are not you.

7. You know that friend that doesn’t do any work and then does really well anyway? It will catch up with them. And they will need you to be there and care for them.

8. Your grades do not define your worth as a human being. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s important, so needs to be said twice.

Feel free to drop me a message if you would like a girl in her late twenties to take care of you for a bit, or if you want some help deciding what to do next.

Kim Jongdae//Collision Course - Part 2

Originally posted by baekintime

Summary: You were the typical girl with big dreams who moved to the city as soon as she had the chance, and somehow ended up in the wrong part of town - but you manage to get swept up in an entirely different situation than you’d planned. (1 / 2/ 3/ 4 /5)
Scenario: mafia!AU/hacker!AU
Word Count: 5,165 

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B99 + Cooking Class AU: in which Kevin is a renowned but jaded food critic, who starts teaching a cooking class in an attempt to rediscover his love for food. 

Kevin had been chief food critic for The New York Times for over a decade, had published four best-selling cookbooks, and had appeared as a guest judge in hundreds of Iron Chef episodes. He had attained everything he once wanted as a culinary student (and more), yet he found himself unhappy; eating was no longer a joy, reviewing restaurants seemed like a chore, and appearing on TV felt unbearably fake. 

After a great deal of coaxing from his husband, he finally decides to take a sabbatical from the Times. He spends the first couple months of this break vacationing in Paris with Raymond and returns to New York considerably less burnt out. 

It takes another few weeks of soul searching, but he finally settles on starting a small beginner/intermediate cooking class for adults outside of the culinary arts field. (He isn’t quite ready to face pretentious aspiring professionals just yet, and he knows there’s a special sort of joy in helping someone make a perfect soft boiled egg for the first time.) 

The students of his class all sign up for different reasons:

  • Charles had been following Kevin’s career since his grandmother had given him a Times subscription for his twelfth birthday. 
  • Terry just wants to learn how to make healthy, delicious meals for his babies.
  • Amy’s convinced taking this class will help her get to know her boss, Kevin’s husband.  
  • Gina saw Kevin on Food Network once and is convinced this is her in for meeting celebrities. 
  • Jake had been dragged there by Gina and “wasn’t interested in this stupid cooking class at all” – until he saw Amy from outside the kitchen doors.
  •  No one knows why Rosa is there.

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Pairing:  Tony Stark x Reader

Featuring: none

Words: 1498

Warnings: none I think

Tags: @gingie4life

Request: requested by @gingie4life:

“Hello, would love a Tony Stark reader best friends fic that’s like work husband wife relationship, that maybe turns into something more. Maybe Tony takes the first move kinda deal. Thanks.”

Notes: sorry it took me so long! Uni got me really really busy, probably you already forgot about the request but I hope you like it!

Originally posted by stark-industries

Roller coaster. That was the best way to describe the past year of your life. Somehow, a year ago, Tony Stark itself showed up at the company where you used to work demanding you to work with him. He didn’t even ask. He just told you to do so. At the beginning you weren’t too sure about working with him. He had a name and a reputation behind him so of course it made you hesitate. At the same time, you knew it was the opportunity of your life so that same week you signed your resignation letter and left the job you had been doing for the past five years.

It was a huge step, and huge change. Specially, when you found out you weren’t going to work for Stark Industries, you were going to work for the Avengers. When you first found out about it fear was all you felt as you remembered all the chaos caused in New York and so many other places because of them. Yet, when you thought about it, you saw a chance to make a difference, to make the world a better place. Maybe the caused chaos, but it was their work and it had to be done. Immediately, you signed your contract. Tony had you move there the moment you signed your contract since it was safer. You used to live alone so you didn’t have a single complain about it.

Ever since, the Avengers had become your family and the Avengers Tower had become your home. You loved your work at the lab with Tony. What did you do? Well, you were an engineer so your work was create or improve the team’s weapons and suits. You loved it. And they were so happy with your job and with you. Some of them were sceptical with someone new at the beginning, especially Bucky, but you ended up making your way through him eventually and at that point he was like a big brother to you. An overprotective one, you had to admit. But you loved him and you loved every single one of them.

“Morning Tony” you said walking a Monday morning into the lab with two cups of coffee. “You spent the night here again?” You asked as you saw the rings under his eyes.

“I had to” he said taking the cup you offered. “Thanks, love” he said.

You smiled a little. It had been a time since the pet names between you two became a thing. It started out accidentally but now you were both used to it, and you liked it. It made you feel special somehow.

“You have to sleep, Tony” you said sitting at your usual spot.

“Sleeping is overrated. The sooner I figure this out, the sooner we defeat that freak” Tony sighed.

You had spent a week now trying to figure out how to defeat a guy who could create breaches and move to whenever he wanted. It looked cool, but it became a problem when he suddenly appeared behind anyone on the team and attacked from behind. Not funny.

“And what will happen when you fall asleep while you’re flying?” You asked raising an eyebrow.

“Unlikely” he replied turning again to the screen.

You shook your head as you watched him work all focused. It was true that you had become close to everyone in the team but it was more with Tony. You had been his protégée from the very first day you started working there. Soon, you had found yourself trusting that man with your problems and fears, with your life and stories. With everything. Eventually, he opened up to you as well. By that time, you two knew each other better than anyone else in the team. You had a special connection that no one else shared.

So you knew better than talking him out of keep on working. He wouldn’t sleep until he found a solution and you knew the only way to get it done was helping him, so you put the coffee down and turned on the computer, opening all the files with the data you had about this guy.

“The world is crazy” you sighed as you read all over the info again.

The morning went by quite fast and before you knew it, your stomach was asking for food so you got up and headed towards the kitchen to make sandwiches for you and Tony. Meanwhile, you thought it would be a good idea to make a milkshake as well so you opened the fridge looking for the strawberries but they were nowhere to be seen. That was weird considering you bought them yesterday.

“Stark” you mumbled and closed the fridge before going back to the lab. “Tony! Where are my strawberries?” You asked the moment you walked into the room.

“3 am cravings. Sorry not sorry” he said not looking up from the screen.

“Couldn’t you just tell me?” You asked crossing your arms.

“I forgot” he shrugged looking at you with a small smile. “Sorry, I’ll buy more later today ok?” He said with an innocent smile. You rolled your eyes and left the lab once again. You knew he wasn’t going to buy any strawberries anytime soon.

Like you had planned, you made a sandwich for each one of you but this time you didn’t put mayo on his, knowing he really really liked his sandwiches with mayo. You put his plate next to him and went back to work.

“(Y/N)?” You looked at Tony when he called your name. He was holding his food. “Where’s the mayo?” He asked.

“12 p.m. craving. Sorry not sorry” you said smirking.

“You ate all the mayo!?” He asked horrified.

“No, but I craved not to put it on your sandwich” you replied trying your best not to laugh.

“But…I love mayonnaise…” he mumbled.

“And I love strawberries” you shrugged before turning to your screen once again.

You knew you were overreacting but it was the only way Tony would actually listen to you. Suddenly, you heard him getting up. When you looked up, you saw him walking out of the lab with the sandwich on his hand. That was weird. You imagined he would be back soon so you just went back to your work.

But it took him longer than expected to come back and when he did he was carrying a big wooden box that was put next to you.

“What the fuck?” You asked as you looked at him.

“I’m sorry” he said uncovering the box.

When you saw what was into the box you started laughing. He had bought a stupid amount of strawberries just for you as an apology. This man had no filter.

“Can I have mayo now?” He asked.

“Did you really buy all these so I would put mayo on your sandwich? Wouldn’t it have been easier go to the kitchen and get some yourself?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe but it tastes better when you do it” he shrugged before going back to his work.

You smiled warmly while you looked at him. He may get on your nerves many times but there were no sweeter man than him in the whole world. With a smile, you took the box and went to the kitchen having no idea what you were supposed with so many strawberries. Probably a cake. Or many milkshakes. For starters, you made another sandwich for Tony, with mayo this time and also a milkshake for each one of you.

“Here” you said going back to the lab. “Extra mayo” you told him with a wink.

He looked at you the whole time until you sat down and even then he didn’t look away from you. Eventually, you forced yourself to look at him since he didn’t stop staring.

“What?” You laughed.

Silently, he got up from his spot and approached you. He kneeled down in front of you so he was at your height, took your face and kissed you slowly, out of nowhere and catching you completely with your guard down. It was true you had feelings for him, it was true the whole team had told you Tony had them too, that you two were already like a couple and sometimes like a married one, but you didn’t believe them. Until that moment which was too short. Soon he pulled away.

“What was that for?” You asked as he went back to his chair.

“I love you” he shrugged typing away. “I thought you knew, I just wanted it to be clear” he added.

Hearing those three words from him made you melt. Slowly, you got up and pushed him away from the computer just to sit on his lap and kiss him again. This time, he wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing you back.

“What was that for?” He asked when you pulled away. You shrugged smiling.

“I love you too”, you replied.

anonymous asked:

Papa Nordics hcs? Individually, not together!

I’ve been waiting for this


  • He is child in an adults body. Raising his own children would be a walk in the park! He’s always up for playing pretend or dress up with them and you better believe he will get them a mountain of Lego to play with!
  • Protect of his child, very. He’s one of those dads that will give his children alot of freedom but as soon as they’re going out with someone he wants to know who they are with and where. No harm shall come to them.
  • Dad jokes are extremely common, in fact he probably tells his child to call him ‘dadmark’! Every time he makes his child sigh or ugh he laughs and gives them a hair ruffle.
  • Sometimes it will feel like his child is looking after him, especially when he take them to the toy shop. On many occasions he will be the one buying the toys for his own entertainment. 
  • Pushes his children to their absolute limits and cheering them on every step of the way. If he knows that his child can do something he will bribe them, cheer them and whatever else to help them achieve their goals!
  • To annoy his child he does many things. His personal favorite being to tickling their hips till they’re crying with laughter and putting them on his shoulders (Still laughing) and running around the house!
  • He adores it when his child lets him do their hair, no matter the length or texture. If it’s short he gives them a quiff, if it’s long he’ll give them a danish braid! if it’s mid-way he’ll do plaited pigtails! 
  • Sometimes when he’s bored and his child is nearby, he’ll make a game out of trying to put his tiny hat on their head without them noticing. If he achieves it he’ll take a picture and posted it on Snap chat.
  • Trips to the shops to get ingredients is pretty common, he loves to bake with his child! Only the best danish pastries recipes will be taught and anyone who even smells them will being to drool!
  • When nobody is around or is coming over he will turn the living room into a giant pillow fort! He loves to see the look on his child’s face as they dive into the fort of pillows and blankets he’s made.

Dad rating: Everything is awesome 


  • He is a very caring and fathering man, he is always doing everything he can for his children; the cooking, cleaning, general family bonding, anything to keep them happy!
  • Strictness wise he is rather flexible. MOST of the time he will brush of misbehavior and give his child a quick scold. Just, don’t make him angry. For the love of everything holy and your safety don’t!
  • The amount of worrying he does over his children is almost enough to worry about him. He is always on edge when his child is staying at a friends, you better believe he has the friends parents phone number!
  • You know when your mum/dad/guardian see a friend outside the shop and starts to talk for them for about fifty years? Yeah… he’s that dad. Best bring something to entertain yourself with!
  • He is very relaxed when it comes to emotional issues, if his children have any problems at all he’ll talk them through it and then give them words of encouragement and enthusiasm!
  • Also that dad that takes his children to the park and has a flock of mothers surrounding him. All of them are very kind and such, but can he please watch his baby whilst they’re swinging on the monkey bars?
  • One of the Parent Council dads, he is very involved in his children’s education. Plus he can prove that he’s the best at making cookies! No one can beat Santa’s cookies after all~
  • Speaking of being Santa, he’s children always get the best presents! But they do have to stay over at uncle Estonia’s house for Christmas eve. Only because he needs to do his job though.
  • Sauna days with his kids! He loves to just sit back and let the steam engulf him. If the steam is too intense for his child, they can always go for a nice swim in the pool!
  • He is always giving his children hugs. He will find any excuse to give his kiddo a tight snuggle, good moments and bad! Unless of course they don’t like hugs in which case, hair ruffles are good too! 

Dad rating: Baby in a box (If you don’t get that click: here)


  • At first, he has no idea what on earth he is doing. For those who are friends/family of Iceland will likely receive 3am phone calls with the topic; ‘What do I do when my child cries?’ 
  • He is probably that dad that is completely awkward dad that makes jokes at the wrong time, Denmark does that right? Denmark raised him so jokes are a thing that good dads do right? (Send the lad some help please)
  • Mr.Puffin is the official “HELP ME PARENT PLEASE!” bird, as much as it may annoy the poor puffin it will keep him busy. Family chill time is probably everyone’s favorite time.
  • Saying all of this, he does try his best. He tries to show his children the wonders of his land and others, as odd as it may seem he knows that the world is very large and he hopes they will see it all!
  • He enjoys telling them old folktales for bedtime stories! Sometimes he’ll go on for long after his child has fell asleep, so many tales that have been passed on to tell from the people lost in time.
  • They’re raised to be able to speak more than one language, He can get pretty embarrassed speaking his own language (Source: X (Trivia point!)). He wants his children to be able to wonder the world understand others!
  • School wise is eeh… He believes that education is the way too success but coming to him with homework or school drama is not the best idea. He either doesn’t know or doesn’t really care.
  • Discipline wise, he’s got it down to a T, he knows that as soon as the Wifi password is changed and the remotes have been hidden his child is all of a sudden going to be rather nice to him~
  • To add to the point above, he cannot stand bratty children. From day one he will tell them “You respect me, I respect you” and if they follow that rule then they will be very close!
  • He can be pretty clingy to his child, he doesn’t like to be surround by people but he’s not a big fan of being all by himself. His child will probably be around him alot to stop him from being too lonely.

Dad rating: How to be a good papa?


  • The chill parent™ literally. He is very tolerant and patient with his children. He will let them do as they please as long as they stay within their boundaries. So long as they do it’s chill™
  • He will probably put his children on a pedestal like he does Iceland. He’s always going on about how his children are amazing and how cute they look in that outfit he bought them(like Maes from FMA? please tell me if i’m wrong)
  • To any out lookers, they would say that he’s got a good hand on raising his children. They would be right! Besides the mental screaming and the worrying coffee intake from lack of sleep due to worrying about them, he’s fine! 
  • Dad jokes are a thing, but in a weird way. His child can say anything and he would pause, stare and murmur a really bad pun under his breath. I.e. ‘Whoa, papa! Look at this!’ ‘……I can’t believe it’s not butter...’ 
  • He spoils his children more than he is willing to admit, they could see something on TV and he would surprise them with it the next day. He can’t really help it, he doesn’t want them to live like he used to.
  • Emotional stuff he’s pretty good at! He is able to sit there and listen to any problems his children are facing for hours if he must. He is also willing to hug them and sooth their worries with comforting songs!
  • Adores telling his children myths and folklore! Sometimes he’ll even take them on drives to the places and introduce them to the creatures that the stories are based around!
  • Whenever the midnight sun or the Nordic lights are on show he’ll let his children stay up to see them. Joined with the forces of caffeine and warm blankets he’ll sit outside with them all night if they want.
  • To him, his children are a blessing and something to live for. If he is ever lacking motivation or inspiration he’ll think about his children and BAM! You’ve got one very determined Norwegian.
  • He takes alot of time off work to spend with his children. He wants to be apart of their lives and for them to always know that he loves them, for him nothing is more important than his family.

Dad rating: Butter hurry up with that homework


  • This man is a papa and a half! He is already raising two kids (Sealand & Ladonia!) so the man knows what he’s doing. He is always alot more relaxed when with kids and is happy to care for them!
  • He is very good at keeping his children in line, how exactly? Star charts. He knows that losing a gold star is everyone’s worse nightmare and he will use this to his advantage. Gold stars are given to good kiddos only!
  • Want a tree house? Because his children are getting a tree mansion! Nearly all of their room’s furniture and toys are made by him, but don’t worry they’re made entirely out of love!
  • Super protective of his little ones! He would never let any harm come to them whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. If anyone dares to hurt them he will be knocking on the culprits door at 3am!
  • Sometimes he’ll take his kids with him for a small fishing trip if the weather is right. Sure camping may be a little boring but it’s the bonding that counts! Plus fishing can be rather relaxing~
  • He is always willing to participate in games with his little ones, even pretend and sports! If it means that they’re gaining an interest in a possible future career or dream then he will do his best to guide them.
  • To his children he can seem like a rag doll at certain times, he doesn’t mind them climbing onto his shoulders or letting them borrow his glasses. If it keeps them happy and they’re safe then it’s fine.
  • Education wise he is the man when his children need help with homework. He will talk them through the problem and give them as much motivation as they need, sometimes in the form of pastries! 
  • All drawings and school achievements will have a special spot on the fridge for all to see. Any of his little ones achievements will be rewarded with a meal out wherever they want!
  • His absolute favorite thing in the world is to wake up with his little family all fallen asleep on the sofa with him, he thinks it’s so cute seeing them all snuggled up on top of him with a blanket covering them all~

Dad rating: Swedad

anonymous asked:

could you write some headcanons on sana/yousef expecting their first baby and the balloon squad just being a bunch of protective future uncles™ because it's yousef's and elias' sister's baby so there's no child that could be more theirs, that's pure balloon squad blood

  • okay so elias found out first OKAY sana completely freaked out and yousef left early that day for work and sana called elias crying and he rushed over she was like ‘elias you are going to be uncle’ and he was like ‘no, are you serious’ and he starts tearing up ‘does yousef know’ ‘no, he left early today’ ‘he is going to be so happy, you guys are going to be so happy’ and there is just lots of tears and hugging
  • the boys can’t comprehend it ?????? like sana is pregnant ?????? yousef is going to be a dad ????? our yousef ???? *cue the tears* “HE IS GOING TO BE A FATHER”
  • all the boys worked on the baby room and they were like what colour should we paint since we don’t know whether it is a boy or a girl let’s go with yellow it is a neutral colour right ???? is it ??? should we look it up ??? that is how the balloon squad spent a whole afternoon looking for the perfect colour and they give sana these long explenation why she should go with their colour and sana is like “blue seems nice”
  •  *sana goes down the stairs* SANA BE CAREFUL *picks something up from the ground**sana does literally anything* “SANA PLEASE SIT DOWN AND REST” I’M PREGNANT STOP ACTING LIKE ILL BREAK”
  • all the boys read parenting books with yousef !!!!! and they are learning so much but then they act cocky thinking they understand how parenting works until the mama bakkoush shuts them down
  • everybody looks to elias for guidance for the being a good uncle ™ because all of jamilla’s kids love him and he is just great with kids
  • adam : if something ever happens to you i’ll take care of sana and the kid for you yousef : why would something happen to me ???? wait what ??? 
  • “man, i hope the kid looks like sana because let’s be real she is prettier one of the both of them’ ‘……..true’
  • the boys went ahead and bought a bunch of things for the baby sana didn’t have the heart to tell them that most of the things were either useless or for toddlers
  • sana has so many weird pregnancy cravings and yousef and elias constanly have to go out to buy her fried chicken and kiwi and she seriously needs to have turkish desserts
  • she can’t stand carrots during her pregnancy yousef cried when he found out
  • “sana we are not naming our kid tupac” “no stephen curry acar” doesn’t sound good either sana
  • okay but sana is the type who gets super emotional when she is pregnant and like everything makes her cry and yousef and the boys always freak out ‘sana what is wrong is everything alright’ ‘we are out kiwi and i really wanted some’

anonymous asked:

The way that you drew draco's hair is fucking amazing. And I totally think that Draco would be that uncle that gets the kids the presents that their parents won't let them get and he'll be like, "don't tell potter"

pfft he would spoil them rotten like scorpius is talking w his dad one day ‘oh yeah al loves chocolate but his fam won’t let him have sweets it’s weird’ then albus just gets an owl the next day w this huge bag of chocolate from draco w a note attached ‘don’t tell potter’. & you know around xmas harry’s bought a shit ton of stuff for the kids muttering ‘malfoy can’t outdo me this time’ but xmas day they wake up and find a huge ass pile of expensive gifts under the tree all from draco, half of which are for albus. harry’s like ‘really’ and draco just shrugs.

Bring the Heat

You wanted to celebrate your three-month anniversary with Kang Daniel, but instead of a loving date with your boyfriend, your world collapses around you. As you’re left to pick up the pieces of your heart, you uncover a scheme that runs a lot deeper than just your own heartbreak, and you’re not going to take it sitting down.

  • aka, daniel and his friends are fking scumbags and girls supporting girls
  • heavily inp. by this scene in riverdale
  • literally this is what happened:
  • anon: can i pls get daniel angst
  • me: but girl power
  • warning: daniel is a bad guy in this. so are his friends. 

You smiled at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, reaching up to quickly fluff up your hair. It was the day of your three-month anniversary with Kang Daniel, and you wanted everything to be perfect.

You two had decided to meet up at a cute café downtown, and you’d even bought matching couple phone cases for you two to share.

The story of how you two began dating was definitely interesting, to say the least. Daniel was one of the more popular guys at your high school, and never really looked your way. You’d always thought he was handsome, and had a crush on him, but during a party, suddenly, he started talking to you. You figured it was because your best friend and his had started dating then, but even after they’d broken up, Daniel would meet you after class and greet you in the hallways.

Finally, on white day, he’d asked you out, and you’d been thrilled. Now you were here, three months later, almost before school ended before summer, and still going strong.

You decided to leave the bathroom, heading out. You spotted Daniel, sitting casually at one of the tables—with his friends?

“Oh, Daniel, you’re here,” you greeted him with a smile, taking a tentative seat across from him, “and all your friends.”

Daniel shrugged, “they wanted to tag along.”

You nodded, trying to contain the frown that wanted to appear on your lips. Daniel knew how much you cared about anniversaries, and it was weird for him to be acting so flippant.

“Oh,” you nodded, “well, I bought these cute couple cases for us!” You reached into your purse excitedly, setting them down on the table, “We can start using them now.”

One of Daniel’s friends picked one of them up, examining it, “this is kind of ugly, don’t you think?” You flinched at his harsh words, looking down at the table. Suddenly, you were reminded of back in your first year of high school, when Daniel’s friend group would tease anyone and everyone mercilessly. Daniel had always reassured you that they’d changed, but apparently, they hadn’t.

“Give that back,” you said weakly, not even wanting to look back up. This date was supposed to be one of the best days of your life, not totally embarrassing. “Daniel, do you want to start using them?”

Daniel looked at you slowly from across the table, a smirk creeping across his lips, “You know, Seongwoo, I think you owe me $100 (usd).” You faltered, looking up at him, totally lost. “(Y/N) and I have been dating for three months. Pay up.” You watched, stunned, as Seongwoo slapped a crisp bill into Daniel’s outstretched hand, the realization slowly sinking in.

“So this whole thing…” you trailed off, not wanting to even say it out loud.

“It was a bet, sweetie,” Seongwoo snickered at your expression, sliding the couple phone case back to you, “you really thought that the Kang Daniel would date someone like you?”

Keep reading

Finally Safe (part 2)

This is second part of “Quite Big” - you can read part one


PLOT:  Y/N is attacked by crazy fans

I’m so so so sorry but I was going through some things and didn’t have time to write or even be on Tumblr so that’s why I post it after two months.

Originally posted by thedailystyles

You heard something beeping every second. Or it could be longer than one second but you weren’t sure, you felt so good and comfortable and sound was so annoying. You tried to move your body and turn over but something didn’t let you. With a sigh of resignation you gave up and decided to rest a little bit longer.

”Y/N…?” Harry asked, tickling your hand.

You gave him a smile and wanted to tell him how exciting your day was going to be but you didn’t hear your voice. You made a sound but it wasn’t words. Actually you were sure that you were still sleeping.

”Fuck, Y/N, I was so worried, I’m here, shh,” he tried to comfort you,”I’m not leaving you again. God, I’m so so sorry. I’ll go tell doctors that you’re awake.” You heard a note of relief in his voice. However, you were feeling excatly the opposite.

You didn’t know how much time you had been sleeping, but it wasn’t enough – you were exhausted.  Opening your eyes was hard and everything hurt. First instinct was to check out if you could move your legs, arms, hands and fingers. Little did you know about medicine but you were okay.  

Somehow you managed to glance over a room but couldn’t see much of it. You wanted to stand up but suddenly Harry came in with a doctor.

”Love, you can’t do it right now,” Harry said, putting his hands on your shoulders in order to get you to the previous position. ”You had a concussion,” he explained.

”What happened?” You were confused. Couldn’t remember the accident or whatever happened to you. ”Is anyone else hurt?”

Harry seemed to be confused as much as you were. To be honest, he looked like crap. You didn’t know if you had ever seen him in such a condiction, even in Cheshire or after long flights. His hair was a mess, eyes were almost red and face was grey because of tiredness. You didn’t know that he never left your room unless doctors or nurses asked him to take off and that he couldn’t sleep at nights because he was so scared of losing you.

Harry knew it was his fans who had attacked you. Police caught them. He couldn’t imagine how sick they must have been to almost kill you. Remorse and anger were eating him and he couldn’t look at a mirror. He felt guilty. Telling you that he was a reason that you were in hospital was the hardest thing he had ever done.

”You don’t remember?” And then Harry wanted to tell you about everything but a doctor interrupted him.

”That’s completely normal and there’s nothing to worry about. How do you feel?”

She asked you a lot of questions, some of them were stupid like do you know where you were or which year it was. Besides, she explained that you were very lucky and except bruises and wounds you were fine. You also found out that you weren’t sleeping all the time but couldn’t remember being awake during last days. They wanted to keep you in the hospital for a few more days, just for safety reasons because of a concussion. Soon she left you and Harry alone.

”I don’t remember, Harry. Did I cause an accident? I’ve always known that getting a driver licence was a coincidence, a lucky one. Did I hurt anyone?”

He was stroking your hand, playing with your fingers.

”It was my fault,” Harry said. His eyes were full of grief. You couldn’t belive it.

”What? You’re amazing driver, Styles,” you chuckled. ”Or… you tried to throw me down the stairs? Was I so annoying?” You kept making jokes because seeing him was a painful  and you were sure it wasn’t actually his fault. It was Harry, yeah?

”Y/N, I’m not joking. We split up, you went to the store? Bathroom?”

You did your best, focused on  the last day but nothing happened. You remembered flight, airport, apartment, hanging out with Niall and Liam, studio sessions, skyscrapers, hot dogs, New York, walks with Harry and your secret dates in Central Park so the rest of the world couldn’t find you, crowds and screaming fans outside of the hotel. And it finally hit you. Images from that night hit you. How happy you and Harry were. How desperately you wanted to get some chocolate and how those two girls attacked you.

“You saved me,” you nodded.

You were staring at a man who had found you in this freaking bathroom and you felt relieved.

“For God’s sake, you were attacked by those psychos because of me! They were my fans. FANS!” he yelled.

Suddenly you felt like you were going to throw up. You were attacked. Beaten up. Someone did this to you. You held Harry’s hand tighter but it didn’t help you to feel safe.

“I understand if you need a break. I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me again. I’ll do anything but forgive me, Y/N. I love you and I need you so bad,” Harry spilled.

“What? NO! Oh my God, Harry, I’m alive. It’s not your fault, right? You can’t control every damn person on this planet,” you explained but it was hard to belive.

“I was so scared. Seeing you laying here without a life, not knowing when you wake up. If you ever… I’d never forgive myself for tha’. Still, I don’t know if ever will. I should have been there with you, I should have protected you.”

“No, Harry, listen to me. It’s not your fault, okay? You can’t protect me everywhere. Shit happens. Those girls… anyone found out who they are?” You wanted to change topic so much, knowing that Harry would blame himself and that conversation would never end.

“Yep, police found out. They’ll never hurt anyone, I’ll make sure of tha’”

Days were passing by and you didn’t know who was the biggest pain in the ass. Your mum and Anne kept calling you every hour while your dad learnt what Skype was. Moreover, Gemma, Lou and Jeff were texting you all the time. You got a chance to meet Harry’s family over a phone that  he didn’t even know that existed. You needed to add Niall who brought you flowers, Liam who discovered his new “talent” that was cooking and of course, Louis who was playing FIFA with you and Eleanor who brought all new magazines. And of course, Harry. Harry didn’t leave you for even one second, helping you to move and bringing things from apartment. But the day of your discharge finally arrived.

“You sure you took all of your stuff?” Harry asked, carrying your bag.

“Yes, I guess.”

Harry had a mysterious smile all the time. He was very secretive but you thought it was all because of were leaving the hospital.

“So, tell me,” you demanded, knowing something was up.


You squinted at him fiercely.

“Okay, so I did something. For safety, of course!”

“Yeees?” You were actually expecting the worst.

“Remember when I was with the guys in that crazy city I never remember the name of?”

“Oh, here we go again. Please, not this story again,” you begged, not wanting to hear about them hiding in weird places again.

“So I bought you a bodyguard,” he laughed.

“WHAT!?” You screamed.

“Y/N, I think you woke everyone up in the whole building.”

You knew Harry was overreacting but… a bodyguard? A big man who would follow you everywhere you go? You were scared a little bit to walk alone again but not as much to hire anyone.

“First, you can’t buy people,” you both chuckled. “Second, thank you, Harry, really. But I’m not scared as long as you’re with me.”

“In my deffence, there was a big discount,” he explained. “Excited to see world again?”

“Don’t know how much longer I’d stand these walls.  That was depressing.”

“Let’s go then, love,” Harry encouraged you and stepped aside to open a door for you.

You saw a couple of paparazzis outside of the building and a bunch of fans. You hugged Harry and he wrapped his arm around your waist.

“It’s alright, I got you.”

“Don’t leave me here,” you begged.

You were scared. You felt people touching you and they were screaming so loud. You hid your face in Harry’s shoulder and a few tears fell on your face. It was few steps more and you were in the car.

“You’re safe here, you’re safe with me, Y/N. I love you.” Harry kept telling you, holding you in his arms.

Finally safe.

Nashcon 2017 things

because I haven’t seen a post like this yet (it’s probably been done anyway tho)
- gold row a seats 37 to 42 never showing up and greatly irritating r2 because those are the best seats and they were sold but the people who bought them just didn’t show??
- “go jacket off”
- organ vs piano, “pianist”, “fiddling with my organ”
- r2m were asked if they could switch parts (meaning roles) what would they do with each other’s parts, and r2 immediately started talking about how they’d fondle Matt’s…parts.
- a certain someone with a suspiciously high voice with a weird attempt at some accent started going on about how much r2m love Misha and how one of them, but they wouldn’t say who, even calls his wife Misha (it was Misha, of course.)
- Misha saying he stopped doing Cooking Fast and Fresh with West because his kids got camera shy and “it’s espionage”
- “where’s Samantha?”
- a little girl dressed as Iron Man going on stage with Sam
- j2 in hysterics over “bumhole” (edit: I have been informed that it was actually “bunghole”. Pretty funny either way though.)
- Jensen responding to a question with “I got it! I don’t know.”
- Jared talking in an exaggerated southern accent and Jensen saying that was his new fear
- Jared being scared of bears because “they’re big”
- Jared’s version of talking with an accent is saying where he’s from
- Jensen thought the ending of Supernatural should be left open for the movie a couple years later, but Jared said they need to die because as long as they live they’ll be hunting and having a movie afterwards “isn’t ending it Jensen”
- Mark Sheppard saying if he was stranded on a desert island and could only bring one thing, it’d be Donald Trump: “it’s called taking one for the team”
- Mark S replying to a fan introducing herself by name by saying “no you’re not, you’re perfect”

feel free to add on!! I know I missed a heck of a lot

Glitch In The Matrix Stories #23

I Had A Month Or Two Where Weird Things Kept Happening To Me

For about a month or two, inexplicable things kept happening to me. It was like I had a guardian angel who was helping me with small, trivial inconveniences. Here are 3 things that occurred that really stood out:

First: In band camp, we stayed in dorms that had our own bedrooms. The doors of these bedrooms locked automatically when you left the room, so it was important that you had your key with you at all times. I specifically know that my door was always locked after I would exit the door and close it, because often I would forget something in my room and turn around and (forgetting that it was locked) try to open it and be unable to. 

One day I was running late to one of the practices. I left my room and closed the door and realized I left the key to the room on my bed. Shit, I was locked out. Or so I thought. I then tried to open the door anyway, and for some odd reason, it did open. Not sure how the door managed to malfunction just when I needed it to. I then grabbed the key and closed the door again, tried to open it, and it was locked like it should be.

Second: One night, I had a bunch of acne creams on my face and had nothing to hold my hair back as I slept. I did not want stray hairs around my face to get in the acne medication, but I did not want to use a head band to keep my hair back because then there would be a crease in my hair when I woke up. I remember thinking that bobby pins would do the trick. I often needed bobby pins and looked for them a lot, but could never find a single one because I hadn’t bought any in a year or two. 

That night I decided to look around my room to see if I could find any anyway. I opened my drawer in my vanity and I found 10 bright yellow bobby pins. Immediately I was weirded out because I had no idea where they came from. It was a drawer I used a lot, and I had never seen them in there before. Also, who owns bright YELLOW bobby pins? Blonde makes sense, but these were yellow. I then put them all in my hair and went to sleep. 

The next morning I took them out and put them on a tray on my vanity so I could use them the next night. That night when I returned to my room and reached for them, they were gone. I haven’t seen them since.

Third: My best friend and I like to paint walls. I was at his house one day and we were sitting on the ground with open cans of paint all around us, planning our mural for the day. At one point he took a small paint brush, dipped it into a can or grey paint, and then realizing he did not need it, tossed it into a paint tray on the ground. The paint brush ended up going a little too far, and skipped the tray and landed on my jeans. It actually landed on my jeans twice, so there was a stain of wet paint on both legs of my jeans. 

I pretended to yell at my friend because they were my only pair of jeans, though I didn’t really care much. We talked about it for a minute or two and then moved on. About 15 minutes later I looked back down at my jeans. There was absolutely no paint anywhere. Not a single trace. Not even a faint stain on either leg.

Credits to: prepperproni

I Had An Unexplained “Result” With An Electronics Experiment In 1997

I’m currently graduating with an electronics-related degree, with a lot of knowledge in electronic circuits and how electronic components work. However one experiment I did almost two decades ago still eludes me to this day.

When I was a lot younger and had a lot more free time, I used to build electric model cars. They aren’t the fancy remote control ones, just basic motors and batteries to make them move forwards or in circles. Electric motors can only spin when both wires are connected properly to a power source, since a complete circuit with proper connections are required for any electronic component to work.

Well, one November in 1997, I was trying to win an electric car drag race with a few friends. I decided to use four motors in parallel. My idea was to put one motor on each wheel.

To try if a single D-cell can power four tape deck motors, I connected four motors together and then connected my D-cell battery. The four motors, placed close to each other, started spinning up and reaching maximum speed with no issue.

Totally normal. Or so I thought.

I clearly observed Motor #3 spinning at top speed with one of it’s bright yellow wires clearly disconnected. This is impossible, Motor #3 should be stopped. But it’s clearly spinning at top speed.

In shock, and in awe, I just had to get my giant Sony Handicam to record this phenomenon. After digging for 5 minutes for a blank 8mm Cassette, I attempted to reproduce the condition fruitlessly for three hours. Motor #3 behaved normally and would not spin up with the same conditions as before (one wire disconnected). Unfortunately, I gave up on attempting to reproduce and just went ahead as normal.

To this day I have no explanation of how one motor was able to operate in an open circuit. One of my theories was I had the four motors clustered together, and somehow the changing magnetic fields of Motors 1, 2 and 4 were able to somehow induce an electric current to the Rotor of Motor #3. However I must have tried millions of positions, moving and positioning each motor in specific places. None of it worked.

To this day I was unable to reproduce the “Wireless Motor Effect” (as I called it in my notes) of November 1997. I think I just encountered a momentary glitch with the matrix.

Credits to: HyperionTypeX2B

Was I In Two Places At Once Or Just Dreaming?

Full disclaimer: This happened after I had been awake for over 20 hours, and previously only sleeping about 3 hours. I am definitely not a reliable narrator here, but there’s still enough of a “That was weird?” to make me wonder and share.

As I said, I was completely exhausted. It was a bit after 8PM last night, and we had just gotten the kids to bed. My wife was running to the grocery store to pick up a few things, and I trying to decide if I wanted to turn in for the night, or try to stay up a bit longer to check out the Olympics opening ceremony. I was debating this while lying on the bed, which of course means I fell asleep.

A bit later, I woke to some commotion downstairs I went down to the kitchen to find my wife putting groceries away. She asked if I was going to bed, and slightly perturbed, I replied with something to the effect of I was sleeping but her being so loud putting groceries away woke me back up, so I might as well stay up at that point. She was confused and asked what I meant - I was coming down the steps to the living room as she came back in the front door from the grocery store, and even asked if she needed any help putting the groceries away.

Credits to: jmritenour


Approximately 3 years ago I was walking to bed one night and it was pretty late and pitch black in the house. I get to my opened bedroom door and try to get in (I was going to bed). I say that I was trying to get in, because something rather large was blocking the doorway. The way it was blocking it was from inside the door frame- which means if someone did put it there, they’d be in the room as well because it would have been impossible to get out of the room with it in the door frame. 

Immediately I thought it was a mattress from the bed, because it had the right feel to it and the right size, just about. I kept pushing against it, to no avail. It wouldn’t budge. My daughter was asleep in her room, my boyfriend was in the living room. I ran back to the living room scared to death freaking out. The way my house is was living room, kitchen, hallway a bedroom on the right (my daughter’s) our bedroom at the end of the hallway. The bathroom was next to my daughters room in between her room and ours. So it’s a straight shot and nobody can walk down the hallway without making noise (very creaky floor) and I was just sitting on the couch trying to calm myself down. This took about 30 seconds and there were no sounds of anyone walking in the hall. 

I walked into the hallway and turned on the hall light this time. I could see nothing blocking the doorway of the room. I went in and the bed was still made, not messed up like it’d be if someone did that as a gag and 30 seconds is not long enough to put a mattress back and make a bed like that. Still creeps me out whenever I think about it.

Weirder yet: A week before that, I had moved the bed- guess where the mattress was put while I did that? Yes, against the door frame stood up. But it was broad daylight. Somehow I think I had a time/space overlap from a week prior to that night.

Credits to: falling_into_fate

bts as shit i say pt 2

seokjin: who cares about hashtags when there are hash browns?

yoongi: so i bought one of those bath bomb thingies online, you know to give it a go because literally everyone has them. i put it in and the water turn so red, it looked like i was bathing in the blood of my enemies and it turned me on a little.

hoseok: …AHHHHHH…sorry, i thought screaming would lighten up the mood a little bit.

namjoon: WHY ISN’T THIS WORKI- oh i forgot to turn the tv on.


taehyung: do you think kim get’s yeezy’s for free??

jungkook: *watching a man get killed on tv* well that’s fucking dreadful

Toner- Dylan Strome

Originally posted by connrcarricks

(It looks halfway decent in this GIF)

Is Dylan brunette again? Like his brothers’ hair both turn dirty blonde but not his! And they didn’t use toner! It’s a disaster! But I understand the idea behind it! Anyway… enjoy!

Warning: none!

Anon Request: So I saw Dylan Strome play in person tonight and it got me in the feels, and I wanted to know if you could write an imagine where the reader helps him dye his hair for playoffs. Pwetty please


              “Ok so… why are we doing this again?” you asked, looking at your boyfriend as he handed you a plastic bag.

Keep reading


Josh: I would, with great frequency, find my way into Brad’s trailer when he wasn’t there, just to see what I could do. He’d keep weird, life-affirming post-its on his mirror and I’d change them into horrible insults. Janel came to me one day and said, “We should send some sort of bouquet from Brad to Jimmy for Valentine’s Day,” and I thought, “Oh my god, that’s brilliant. Plus, I have personalized stationary, which will certainly add artistic verisimilitude.” We bought something ridiculous like three dozen roses to be delivered to Jimmy.
Bradley: I remember I had a check written for $3,000 to the guy who was editing the In Memoriam reel at the SAG Awards because I thought “How great, let’s kill Josh.” But the guy chickened out. So when I wrote my second West Wing script, Josh had to say several times on national TV, “I’m a terrible actor. I can’t act.”

A Few More Sportarobbie Headcanons

•Robbie stands up straight after being hunched over at his work desk and the most ungodly noise is produced
•Sportacus fucking screams and thinks Robbie is dying
•"What was that?! Humans aren’t supposed to make that noise!“
•Robbie looks at him then cracks his back again
•Sportacus covers his ears and just sits him back down
•"You are getting a massage and I don’t wanna hear a word about it!”
•Only Sportacus is allowed to lift Robbie

•Like, someone else picks him up and Sportacus just quietly watches like
•"That’s not how you do it. Put him down. No, stop this. You don’t lift him like that, sTOP.“
•Sportacus always hugs Robbie from behind and it scares the shit out of him

•He doesn’t just hug him, he hoists him up as well
•Sportacus shows up at Robbie’s lair with fake reindeer antlers
•"Sportacus, take those off.”
•Sportacus runs in the other direction
•"No, I shan’t! It’s Christmas!“
•Sportacus does not understand certain human things and needs Robbie to explain them

•"Why would I need a coat?”/“MAYBE BECAUSE IT’S 30 DEGREES BELOW ZERO??”

•"Humans willing ride on these rollercoasters even after eating a bunch of sugary food?“/"Humanity has its ups and downs, I’m not gonna lie.”

•"Robbie, what’s a meme?“

•These explanations always with Sportacus laying his concerned head on Robbie’s shoulder and just hugging from the side
•"Humans are weird.”
•Sportacus eats flowers


•He always knows which flower he’s about to eat, its meaning, and if it will kill him or not

•"Do you like these flowers, Sporty? I bought them for you.”/“Robbie, they’re amazing!” *Immediately bites a petal*/“spORTACUS WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.”

Dear journal,

Hey, it’s Teddy. James Sirius is starting to feel better. And I know it because I can see his smile. Whenever it disapears, I give him tickle-kisses on the neck and his smile comes back. He was sleeping in the blanket fort I had made yesterday to make him feel better. I was brushing my fingers in his hair even if he was asleep, scared that it would wake him up if I stopped. Then our family owl entered by the open window and dropped a letter with a moving picture. It was from the dads. I took the picture and smiled. Regulus was home! I miss him a lot. I hoped he would wait for me to come back before going back on his “around the world” adventure with Sophie. I took a closer look at the picture and noticed Sophie’s belly. She was pregnant? Wow! I was going to have a little baby cousin! Excited to get new information, I opened the letter, my hand leaving James’ curls. He didn’t move a tiny bit. Merlin he could sleep through anything! I took the letter in both of my hands and noticed Sirius’ handwritting.

“ Dear Teddy,
Look who showed up today! Regulus, Sophie and your future cousins! Yes, there are two of them! Twin girls! How crazy is that. We are so incredibly happy to see Regulus here. We miss you a lot and he cannot wait to see you again. Don’t worry, he’s not leaving for some crazy road trip again. They are moving in town! They bought this pretty house by the River and now, uncle Reggie will always be close to us. We terribly miss you Ted. I hope Sophie goes into labor before your break because I would love for you to meet the twins soon. I felt them move through her belly! How weird! I feel like having a few girls around will be good for us! Anyway, we all send you kisses and hugs and hope to see you soon!

With a lot of love, Sirius. ”

I smiled to myself and stared at the picture a bit more. Remus was laughing, Sirius had his hands on Sophie’s big belly, Regulus was kissing her cheek and she was blushing and smiling. I’m glad they were all doing well. I couldn’t wait to see the twins and show them the world.

“You got a letter?”

It was James Sirius. He was awake.

“Yeah. Sophie is pregnant with twin girls! They also sent me a picture..” I said, looking down at what I call my family.

“They look happy.” James Sirius said, smiling.

“Yeah.. I miss them.”

“I know. But we got eachother yeah?” He said, trying to make me forget about my parents being far.

“We do. And I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here!” I laughed.

“I don’t either! I would probably be at the hospital wing in some uncomfortable bed.. But I have my personal healer with me!” He said, kissing my cheek.

“My father taught me all of it. I would help him heal my dad after full moons. And now I can take care of my little boyfriend when he’s sick!” I said, chuckling.

“I’m not little!”

“Yes you are! You’re still a baby!” I joked, knowing it bugged him when I laughed about him being younger than me.

“But i’m your baby.” He smirked.

“Oh yeah you are!” I giggled, kissing him.

“Stop! You’re going to get sick too!” He blushed.

“Okay then, i’ll stop kissing your really soft lips.” I said, sitting up.

He blushed and pouted.

“Actually.. You can kiss me again!” He said, realising he never wanted me to stop.

I laughed and layed both of my big hands on his cheeks. I pulled him close to me and kissed his lips. Merlin He had soft ones.


Blood of the Covenant

Grouping: Reader x Jungkook

Word Count: 3476 lol

Summary: You’re an unregistered vampire trying your hardest to save up enough to go to school by working long hours and giving up meals. Unfortunately, the local university refuses to enroll starving vampires like yourself because they’re seen as threats. Desperate to get in, you take up Jeon Jungkook’s shady offer to help.

You wiped the sweat from your brow and leaned next to the front door of the laundromat. The most recent delivery run you made really tuckered you out more than you could afford. You only had one more whole blood bag left in your fridge and you were already rationing the current one strictly until your next paycheck. Only a few more days until payday, you reminded yourself as you went inside to pick up the final delivery for the day.

When you walked in, you saw your boss talking to another vamp you had never seen before. Your boss turned his head and looked sheepish, but you couldn’t figure out why.

“What’s going on,” you smiled to disarm the tension in the room. You could smell your boss’ B.O. as his pulse sped up.

“Y/N, this is Jenni. Do you know each other?”

“Of course not,” Jenni said at the same time you sighed, “Not every vamp knows every other vamp.” The disgust in Jenni’s tone made you take a moment to look her over. While she wasn’t dressed in high couture, she was definitely dressed nicer than you. It was clear she was a registered vamp, just like it was clear you weren’t. Suddenly you were reminded of how dingy and ill-fitting your clothes were.

“Well,” your boss cleared his throat awkwardly, “Jenni is applying for a position here.”

“I thought we didn’t have any vacancies right now,” you furrowed your brows.

“Yes, there are,” Jenni piped in, “The front desk and delivery driver position is open”. Your mouth fell open before you could pull yourself together.

“What? That’s my job. There aren’t any vacancies. Tell her, sir.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I feel so weird about shakespeare's histories bc they're so much fun and richard iii is such a great villain but they also come off as such blatant tudor propaganda that i feel weird how much we've bought into them (especially richard iii lol...) as fact. do you have a way that you reconcile it?

There are a few points that spring to mind as a I read this. First, Shakespeare wrote for a company called The Queen’s Men - and later, The King’s Men, so it was in his best interest to keep his royal patrons happy and appeal to their sensibilities. Depicting history as it truly happened would be dumb as hell for his own personal safety as well as from a dramaturgical point of view, since history doesn’t tend to conform neatly to an exciting five act structure without some modification here and there.

The other thing to note is that Shakespeare’s not the only guy who wrote history plays at this time. Different companies would tell the histories in different ways - some specialised in fight scenes, and would stage big, bloody, exciting battles. Others might focus more on courtly love scenes, like King Henry V’s wooing of Catherine. If someone had already written a successful play about Henry IV, then you might try to cash in on that success by writing your own version, which tells it from a new perspective. Shakespeare’s plays are the only ones that are widely remembered today, but he certainly wasn’t the only one writing history like this; he just happened to be the best at it, or so posterity seems to say. It was standard practice.

On the subject of history plays, my students sometimes ask me whether audiences in Shakespeare’s time believed what they saw, or whether they knew they were getting the Tudor/Stuart censored version. Here’s what some contemporaries say:

Heywood’s essay, Apology for Actors, 1612, pleads the case that “Plays have taught the unlearned the knowledge of many famous histories, instructed such as cannot read in the discovery of our English Chronicles: and what man have you now of that weake capacity that being possest of their true use, cannot discourse of any notable thing recorded even from William the Conqueror, until this day?”

Ben Jonson, in his play The Devil is an Ass, has this exchange:

Fitz-Dottrell: I know not that, Sir. But Thomas of Woodstocke,

I’m sure, was Duke, and he was made away,

At Calice; as Duke Humphrey was at Bury:

And Richard the third, you know what end he came too.

Mere-craft: By m’faith you are cunning i’ the Chronicle, Sir.

Fitz-Dottrell: No, I confess I ha’t from the Play-bookes,

And think they’re more authentic.

Obviously this is a joke at the foolish Fitz-Dottrell’s expense. It appears from these sources that the common folk, having no access to history books, generally accepted history plays as true representations of history. Now, using theatre for propagandistic purposes - especially convincing the people to accept a ruler’s sovereignty - is as old as the theatre itself, so it should not surprise us to hear that these doctored versions of history, which showed the Tudors and Stuarts in a good light, were so commonly presented and accepted as fact.

And a further note, it wasn’t just Shakespeare’s history plays that contained propaganda. The story of Macbeth was taken from Holinshed’s Chronicles, which describe Scotland’s history and the enigmatic figure of Macbeth. In this “true” version, you might be surprised to find Banquo is just as evil as Macbeth, and complicit in the king’s murder. Whereas in Shakespeare, Banquo is Macbeth’s opposite - good, faithful, loyal to Duncan. Why this change, I wonder? Could it be because the reigning monarch at the time this play was written was King James, who liked to trace his ancestry back to the historical Banquo? It would certainly explain why the witches make a point to prophesy that Banquo’s descendants will be kings, wouldn’t it?

To sum up, the way I reconcile the falsification of history in the history plays is simply to accept that this was standard practice at the time. Changing history also frees a playwright to write a more compelling five act arc, with more compelling characters and heightened emotional scenes. All I can do is recommend that you read the history plays as separate from history, and enjoy them for the stories they are; or alternatively, you can read them alongside history and try to work out why Shakespeare cut, edited or changed events and characters, whether it was to please the queen or simply to create a tighter story or character arc.

It is a shame that people accept the representations of characters like Richard III as fact (historical Richard really does not deserve that), but honestly it’s no different to people today getting their history of Scotland from Braveheart, their history of Egypt from The Mummy, or their history of Rome from Gladiator. Not everyone is going to read history books and although it can be frustrating to see these films form the basis of most people’s understanding of the past, at the end of the day it’s just entertainment, and if it makes a good story then why not?