Do you cry or think residency is just sometimes so overwhelming some days? I know that surgery is something you want to do for the rest of your life, but do you think somedays that you regret choosing residency because its too hard?
I think this is normal in residency. It’s really hard. I will tell you that as the year has gone on I’ve had fewer and fewer of these days. I expect to have more of them once I start being a PGY2 and everything is new and insane again.
I think that residency is like this:
Someone takes a bar and sets it just above your head and then says jump it. And the first couple of times you run at the bar and don’t come anywhere close, and that’s frustrating. And you start to cry. Then, you don’t give up. You get up the next day, and maybe you find a box, and you stand on the box and you try to jump again. And you’re not quite there, but you’re getting closer.
And you get closer and closer by stacking up the boxes until one day, you jump over the bar.
Then… someone takes the bar and resets it higher again.
So the day after someone moves the bar, or the day after someone comes along and kicks the box out from under you, it’s okay to come home and have to cry.
Crying isn’t bad. It isn’t giving up.
You come home, you cry. Maybe someone you love holds you. Maybe your dog comes and lies down next to you. Maybe you just curl under the blankets alone and go to sleep a couple extra hours early.
Having these days in residency happens. I think everyone goes through them.
Just don’t give up.
Keep going. Keep fighting.
Cry now. Feel the impossibility of the task ahead.
But get up the next day and go back and go on.