but it was too funny

this is one of those moments where i am actually kind of glad his nickname is bread. its perfect for this absolute bullshit. 

The signs as annoying things that happen to me too often

Aries:  losing something and freaking out for 10 minutes but it was in plain sight the whole time

Taurus: getting a wedgie in tight jeans

Gemini: falling up the stairs

Cancer: accidentally biting your finger when eating french fries

Leo: filling your bowl of cereal only to open the fridge to find no milk

Virgo: texting a new person and having to be very careful with your words cause you don’t want them to know you are a weirdo

Libra: ads popping up for the last thing you searched on Amazon or any online shopping website 

Scorpio: getting a bloody nose in bed and thinking it’s just a runny nose and getting blood all over your pillow

Sagittarius: armpit sweat

Capricorn: spilling turtle food all over the carpet and having to pick it up

Aquarius: your phone dying right when you plug it in

Pisces: standing up too fast and getting dizzy

idk if i would have seen deadpool regardless of how it was advertised but the marketing is making want to deliberately avoid it. if someone texted me right now and said “hey do you want to see deadpool” i would say “no, but i would be open to seeing the force awakens again, or maybe watching an infomercial about vacuums”