but it was kind of hard to tell who was speaking

♀Venus Signs and Seduction♀

Aries Venus - The Burning Flame

how they seduce: When they feel a strong pull towards you, they must have you, so they will immediately try to get your attention. They are normally very open and blunt and they will tell you what they want and how they want it. They are very likely to take the lead and show you how they like it by guiding your hands or just straight-off telling you. They will take your breath away with their tremendous passion and intensity and they know how to touch and kiss you until you are begging for more.

how to seduce them: They love the thrill of the chase, so make them conquer you because they want to earn your affection. They probably like little fights under the sheets with a lot of body touching.They possess an incredible amount of energy and passion, so give them all you have and more. Heat is very important, hold them, trace your fingertips over their skin, they want to feel your warmth. Playing with their hair, running your finger through it or even pulling it a little and touching their face is a big turn-on since Aries is the ruler of the head area.

Taurus Venus - The Sensualist

how they seduce: They will make you feel so adored. They will enjoy touching you, hearing you breathe, tasting your lips and skin. They take their time because they need to capture every inch of you and every moment you have together. They just generally like to have you around them which is why they are great cuddlers and will hold you very tighly to make you feel safe. They looove spending every free minute in bed where it is warm and they are alone with you .

how to seduce them: Let them see and know you completely.They will love to know every inch of you because they are best with the things they know. Give them a lot of physical affection, they want to really feel that they are loved. They probably like some good and alluring lingerine or a nice wine since they appreciate everything that intensifies the pleasures of love. They might also enjoy kisses on the neck or dirty talk since they are the ruler of the throat.

Gemini Venus - The Siren

how they seduce: They will bewitch you with great stories and words of kindness that will make you want to know more about them. They are very charming and know exactly what to say according to the situation you are in. You will feel like their best friend because they want to tell their loved one everything they feel and all that has importance for them. They are unbelievably stormy lovers who love to spice it up, take you on adventures and try something new and they know damn well how to kiss.

how to seduce them: Whisper sweet nothings in their ear and do not be too shy to talk about what you want and how you want it. Open communication is very important for this placement. They need fun in a relationship which is why they love playing games. Tease them, try new things, role-play and kiss them in every way possible because they love this shit. Intellectual and deep conversations are extremely arousing for them, so take your time, listen to them and discuss things with them before you take it to the next level.

Cancer Venus -  The Rose

how they seduce: This sign is especially known for seducing their lovers through caring for them or protecting them. But most of all they want you to be theirs entirely, they want to be able to touch and kiss you as often as possible. Venusian Cancers can sense your feelings and are able to adapt to them. Suprisingly, they know every trick there is to win the affection of their crush: they can use every feminine/masculine wile theres is, from mother/father to beauty queen/king and sex symbol. They will not only love but admire you for the beauty you possess inside out. Once they feel comfortable around you they will want to explore the adventures of love with you but they will most likely enjoy staying in because there they will not have to share you and are not afraid to be themselves.

how to seduce them: They looooove cuddling and touching you. Hugs and every other act of physical affection means security for them and therefore is a way to show them that they are safe. Their ideal men/women are typically masculine/feminine, at least in their fantasies and they are the sign most attracted to breasts. Not only physically but also mentally they search for a deep connection, so do not be afraid to show how you feel and what you want. Feeling is immensely important to them and you have to give them time to sort out what kind of emotion they sense when they are around you. But when they know what they feel around you, they open up to the point where everything is just natural, warm and suprisingly passionate.

Leo Venus - The Femme/Homme Fatale

how they seduce: This sign knows damn well how to seduce the subject of their desire. They enjoy looking good and getting the attention of those around them. They will dress, walk and talk to impress you and their facial as well as physical expressions sparkle with sex appeal. Probably most of all, they are persistent to the core and if they want you, they will hunt you like a lion(ess). They are very energetic and wild and most likely intoxicate you with their honesty and straightforwardness. While they want sex to first and foremost be a pleasure for them, they can not stand to be anything less but the best lover you had, which is why they will want to indulge you until you are completely satisfied just to see the gleam in your eyes or the smile on your face. They like to know that you want to be exclusively with them and desire to possess you.

how to seduce them: People with Venus in Leo want to be treated like royalty, showered with affection and romantic gestures. They can only feel good in your surrounding when they are comfortable with who they are around you which is why they want to look good for you. This placement wants to experience love with burning passion and just a hint of drama which is why they usually enjoy trying out new things in the bedroom or other locations. You need to stand out from the crowd to catch the attention of this sign (speak with passion, show your unique talents,..). It’s hard for them to separate love and sex which is why they need to sense a deep-reaching understanding between you two before they take it to the next level.

Virgo Venus - The Good Girl Gone Wild

how they seduce: This sign is fiercely devoted to you and enjoys handling the trouble in your life. They are very intelligent and reliable which is why you will feel safe in their surrounding. While they may come off as shy, sweet and polite, Virgos in Venus have serious potential to be aroused by kinks and everything unusual. They pay close attention to your body language and therefore know exactly what turns you on, determined to use that knowledge to your benefit. Most of all, this sign  is always good for a suprise, they are spontaneous and curious in bed and love to learn new things and show you new sides of themselves.

how to seduce them: Although they seldom ever tell you, those born with Venus in Virgo have some very dirty or unique fantasies and love experiencing something new in their bedroom. If you take the lead and express your ideas and desires in an open manner, those fantasies can turn into reality and bring some real passion under the sheets. They might feel a little insecure about their looks but they will give you all the love they have when you show them that they are the most beautiful person on earth for you. They generally expect you to be thoughtful and to see the details. They can not be with someone who is not able to read their body or face or think of something to make them feel better when they are sad.

Libra Venus -  The Enchanter/Enchantress

how they seduce: They carry an aura of aristocracy and elegance others admire and long for from afar. They are sweet and caring and love to spoil you with kisses, flowers and other affections in any form. Their smiles are usually disarming and they are polite from their head to their feet. They want pretty much everything to be beautiful which is why they will set the mood before having sex, lighting candles or arranging the sheets. Being beautiful themselves is also very important since sensual lingerine or red lips can get them exactly what they want. They are gentle lovers who enjoy being touched softly and with meaning but can definitely roughen up when they feel a strong connection to you.

how to seduce them: Since Libras in Venus worship harmony, they can not stand people who constantly need confrontation or drama. A surrounding of peace and understanding is more than arousing for their sexual appetite and they will want to spend some time in bed with you when they feel comfortable and loved around you. Romance is what keeps them lively and happy in a relationship and they will care for you if you fulfill their fantasies fuelled by movies and books now and then.

Scorpio Venus  - The Enigma

how they seduce: Their gaze conveys power and it seems like it is looking right into your soul. They can be very intimidating and mysterious but you long to uncover and know them although they may seem cold and reserved when you first meet them. They seem to promise intensity and commitment and are deeply sensual when it comes to sexual pleasures. They want to feel everything and combine deep physical and mental understanding to a sort of ecstatic experience. A Scorpio in Venus partner makes you feel understood and desired and sweeps you off your feet with their overwhelming passion which can be sensed in a very high sex drive.

how to seduce them: Lay your soul and heart bare at their feet and show them who you really are because they have no interest in people that barely ever express their feelings or true self. They love warmth and fire and people that sparkle with energy and life and passion is one of the essential things they need for an exciting sex life. Intimacy is also very important for them and they will not like it if you are someone who kisses and tells or drags your private life into the public. Honestly, there is not much you can actually do when the connection between you two is lacking. A Scorpio Venus will always love deeply and unconditionally when they sense a certain depth, loyalty and chemistry.

Sagittarius Venus  - The Adventure

how they seduce: They come across as optimistic, idealistic and lively and they just take your breath away with their love for life and all it has to offer. They can easily slip into excessive behaviour and you start to wonder where all those life inside them comes from. They are not bound by restrictions or rules and everything is just so easy and exciting with them, no secrets or taboos or pudency. They have a certain innocence about them and in bed they just charm you with endless giggles because they love to laugh. They are very direct in their approach to love and sex, so do not expect them to play with ambiguity, it is more likely that they will straight away tell you when they want to have sex.

how to seduce them: In a relationship honesty is essential to them, they do not like to hide their feelings and thoughts and they do not want to have a romance which is based on misunderstandings. So you should better tell them what you want straight away and they will surely appreciate that. Be open-minded and adventurous because they enjoy giving their love and sex life a new direction. They are easily  bored when sex or romance get too predictable, so try new things, change locations or positions or just generally soften or roughen up. Also make them feel alive, take them to beautiful places or challenge them with a different opinion/point of view, be everything but ordinary. They want love to feel like it is light and pure joy instead of serious business.

Capricorn Venus  - The Lady/ The Gentleman

how they seduce: They provide an alomst unreal amount of stability and warmth and you just have to feel at ease in their company. They might charm you with some very traditional flirting rules, like holding the door for you or taking your jacket. They can be real charmers, because they seem aloof and considerate at the same time. Alpha-males/females is one term especially accurate when it comes to Venus in Capricorn because they just naturally like to take the lead and show you that they can care for you. Their sexuality is deep and powerful but not a thing they want to be dragged out in public. What they do in the bedroom is a silent secret between the two of you and they would never hurt your intimate connection by kissing and telling.

how to seduce them: They generally fall for people that convey power, confidence and stability as they search for comittment and long-lasting relationships. Their approach to love is very mature, so they probably will not connect with persons that are volatile or unreliable. In bed they trust in experience and consistency because they probably know how they like it best and how it feels perfect for the both of you. If you want them to do something for you or to try something new, you have to challenge them because they are eager to prove their love for you every day. In fact, Capricorn Venus is a placement that feels very deeply but may never tell you about their emotions but you can show them that you understand this by holding them or just being there for them.

Aquarius Venus  - The Rebel

how they seduce: Those born with their Venus in Aquarius may seem unapproachable and a little cold which is not necessarily less magnetic than the burning heat of an Aries or a Scorpio. They just generally are not that good with commitment and like freedom, which is why some of them may not like the idea of a relationship at all. They are, however, very experimental when it comes to their sex-life and they love to try new things, although they might be too shy to turn their fantasies into reality.

how to seduce them: They need someone who is not only able to satisfy their physical but also intellectual needs. Talking about your ideals, philosophies or mantras is very interesting to them and also kind of arousing. They like intelligent people who look behind the nature of things. They can be quite turned on by situations that are unusual, like a love-affair with a married man/woman or cyber and phone sex (any situation where no direct commitment is needed is attractive). This placement is one that has no problem separating love and sex and might has a “friends with benefit”-relationship. They need their freedom under all circumstances. If you can show them that you will not try to change them or restrict them in any way and make them feel like they are in the company of a good friend, you stand good chances of receiving their undivided love.

Pisces Venus  - The Dream

how they seduce: Venus in Pisces is gentle and soft with a dreamy gleam in their eyes and an indescribable patience and acceptance. People with this placement will love you for who you truly are and they would give up themselves to please you. Nothing gives them more joy than to give and receive love and being their partner leaves you fulfilled and strangely complete. Their fantasies often mix with reality and they often seem more like a desired dream of yours. They pay attention to the details and love physical affection, so it is not unusual that a little touch from your fingertips leaves them with a racing heart. They want physical and mental intensity and search for purity and immense feelings in bed.

how to seduce them: They love romance and fantasy and sometimes they may search for their knight on a horse or their princess in the tower. Not only a connection to reality but also a strong contact to dreams and fantasy is required if you want to understand them. They search for someone tender-hearted who holds them when they are sad but is also able to turn their romantic ideals into reality. You should not be too straight-forward but gentle, also in bed. Although they enjoy caring for you and fulfilling your pleasures, you should definitely show them that you adore and admire them for who they are. They actually enjoy to try out new things and passionate people really turn them on.

ENOUGH AREADY! WE GET IT - YOU THINK YOU *KNOW* SLYTHERIN...

We get that you think Slytherin girls are ‘winged eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man’. We get that you think our aesthetic is blood-red lipstick, the clack of stilettos on marble floors, and nails filed to a sharp point.

We get it.

We get that you think Slytherin boys are ‘jaw lines sharp enough to kill a man’ (perhaps we have that in common with the girls, you think?). We get that you think our mood is bitter black coffee, Shakespearean insults, and the burn of vodka as it cascades down your throat.

We get it. So enough already.

You think you know Slytherin? You think our girls are ‘bad-ass bitches’ and our boys are ‘refined gentlemen with wicked sharp tongues’?

Well, let us tell you what it really means to embody power, pride, fraternity, cunning, and ambition.

We’d be lying if we said Slytherin wasn’t that warm feeling of sinking deeper into your seat on the bus after you watch someone miss their stop. But, for all that, Slytherin is also when you were a child sitting on your dad’s shoulders - that feeling of being literally on top of the world, made all the more proud for knowing not only that the people who love you will raise you up but will be there to catch you if you fall.

That’s Slytherin - it’s what you wanted to be when you grew up, it’s your imaginary friend, and it’s getting an A on a test you studied damn fucking hard for.

And, sure, Slytherin is also silently thanking yourself that you looked your best on the days you ran into an ex partner. But Slytherin is the courage to end a going-nowhere relationship in the first place. Slytherin means willing to do what no one else can or will, to put aside desire, fear, and comfort and to just shed what doesn’t serve them; that means being cruel to be kind and knowing, in fact, that cruelty and kindness are not black and white concepts.

That’s Slytherin - it’s your little black dress, it’s self-help books, and it’s drunken chats with strangers in nightclub bathrooms.

We are so much more complex than men in suits or women in doc martens. If all you can think of is conceit when you think of cunning and if all you can think of is dominance when you think of power…then you do not know us. And we will not ask you to try harder next time because we would rather speak for ourselves.

So, enough already; we want ‘us’ done right, so we will do it ourselves.

That’s Slytherin.

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 3

And we did it again, amigos! 

  1. “My sock is missing.”
  2. “I must say it can be rather therapeutic”
  3. “Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
  4. “You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
  5. “What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
  6. “I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
  7. “If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
  8. “What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
  9. “I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
  10. “I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
  11. “You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
  12. “I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
  13. “What is this, a concert for ants???”
  14. “I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
  15. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
  16. “When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
  17. “The wolves eat tonight.”
  18. “Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
  19. "When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
  20. “Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
  21. “Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
  22. “How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
  23. “I think I misplaced my right hand”
  24. “I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
  25. “Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
  26. “Have your eyes always been that colour?”
  27. “I’m going to fight the sun!”
  28. “You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
  29. “I’m not into that kinda thing.”
  30. “Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
  31. “I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
  32. “Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
  33. “Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
  34. “What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
  35. “What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
  36. “Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
  37. “Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
  38. “This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
  39. “Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
  40. “ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
  41. “Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
  42. “Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
  43. “Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
  44. “Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
  45. “Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
  46. “Wait. You’re aroused?”
  47. “Why would that surprise you?”
  48. “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  49. “okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
  50. “I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
  51. “I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
  52. "Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
  53. “how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
  54. “…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
  55. “For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
  56. “Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
  57. “Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
  58. “_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
  59. “What the heck happened while I was at the store?
  60. "What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
  61. “Despreate times call for cows.”
  62. “Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
  63. “You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
  64. “Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
  65. “Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
  66. “Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
  67. “Dude, no.”
  68. “I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
  69. “I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
  70. “I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
  71. “Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
  72. “So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
  73. “dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
  74. “Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
  75. “What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
  76. “WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
  77. “PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
  78. “PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
  79. “What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
  80. “Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
  81. “You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
  82. “Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
  83. “Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
  84. “So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
  85. “Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
  86. “Tell me why,  exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
  87. “Look, I’m not a liar, alright?  And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me.  So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now.  And maybe a million dollars.”
  88. “Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
  89. “Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
  90. “Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
  91. “Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
  92. “Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
  93. “This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
  94. “So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
  95. “I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
  96. “Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
  97. “Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
  98. “I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
  99. “Every time you speak I literally die a little”
  100. “One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”

“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)

The Reason I Don’t Do Cold Readings Anymore…

by reddit user Skarjo

I don’t do ‘Cold Readings’ anymore. I don’t tell fortunes. I don’t read tea leaves.

And I do not do contact ‘the other side’.

Look, don’t judge me alright? It was an easy gig. I mean, the first time I did it, it was a joke. I did it just to impress a girl. You’ve been there right? It was something I’d read about online and I thought I’d give it a go.

Keep reading

° • ? ( QUESTION SENTENCE STARTERS.

❛ What are you doing? ❜
❛ Where are you going? ❜
❛ Where are you taking me? ❜
❛ How is that working out for you? ❜
❛ Is everything okay? ❜
❛ Why are you acting like this? ❜
❛ You think I would lie to you? ❜
❛ Are you telling the truth? ❜
❛ Are you sure you want to do this? ❜
❛ This is your bright idea of a plan? ❜
❛ What else do you want me to do? ❜
❛ What else can I do? ❜
❛ What do you think I should do? ❜
❛ What makes you think that? ❜
❛ Who told you that? ❜
❛ Who are you? ❜
❛ Why are you here? ❜
❛ Who invited you? ❜
❛ How come you ever asked me? ❜
❛ Did you really mean all those things you said? ❜
❛ Why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave? ❜
❛ Why is it so hard for you to see that? ❜
❛ Why don’t you understand? ❜
❛ What don’t you understand? ❜
❛ Are you joking? ❜
❛ Did I miss anything? ❜
❛ You don’t remember? ❜
❛ Did you really say all that stuff about me? ❜
❛ Did you think I would forget? ❜
❛ How can you sit there and say that? ❜
❛ How do you even sleep at night? ❜
❛ Are you coming or not? ❜
❛ Am I the only one freaked out right now? ❜
❛ Are you laughing or crying? ❜
❛ Who did this to you? ❜
❛ Did someone hurt you? ❜
❛ Is it just me or are you, like, ignoring me? ❜
❛ You want me to apologize for something you did? ❜
❛ Are you going to kiss me or not? ❜
❛ Aren’t you the one who said it though? ❜
❛ So, you don’t like me like that? ❜
❛ Where do we go from here? ❜
❛ Are you being serious right now? ❜
❛ How was I supposed to know that? ❜
❛ Oh, is that a challenge? ❜
❛ Are you flirting with me? ❜
❛ Are you going to let me go now? ❜
❛ Are we done now? ❜
❛ Why didn’t just ask me? ❜
❛ You’re going to believe them over me? ❜
❛ How can possibly think that? ❜
❛ Did you even miss me? ❜
❛ Did anyone even notice that I was gone? ❜
❛ Why do you go around and kiss everyone? ❜
❛ Did you kill them? ❜
❛ Who’s blood is that? Is that your blood? ❜
❛ Do you think this is a game? ❜
❛ Are you having doubts? ❜
❛ Why haven’t you been at school/work? ❜
❛ Is there something going on that you need to tell me? ❜
❛ You said you wanted to talk? ❜
❛ What am I supposed to do? ❜
❛ What did you expect to happen? ❜
❛ How long you think you can keep this act up? ❜
❛ You don’t like me? Do you? Like in a more than a friend way? ❜
❛ Is that what everyone is saying now? ❜
❛ Who do I remind you of? ❜
❛ Are you hungry? Want to go get something to et? ❜
❛ Are you drunk? ❜
❛ Are you lost? ❜
❛ What’s so great about any of that anyway? ❜
❛ Are you even listening to yourself? ❜
❛ What are you going to do about it, huh? ❜
❛ What are you staring at? ❜
❛ What are you doing out here? ❜
❛ Why did you call the police? ❜
❛ Wait, do you hear that? ❜
❛ Why don’t you tell me anything? ❜
❛ Hey, did you get me anything? ❜
❛ Why didn’t you come over last night? ❜
❛ What did you find out? ❜
❛ Can I stay here for the night? ❜
❛ Are you throwing rocks at my window? ❜
❛ Are you crying? ❜
❛ What are you laughing at me? ❜
❛ Are you laughing at me? ❜
❛ Do you not understand the word no? ❜
❛ Is that it? Is that all? ❜
❛ Are you in some kind of trouble? ❜
❛ Yeah, but, you have me. So why bother? ❜
❛ What’s love got to do with it? ❜
❛ This is where we kiss, right? ❜
❛ Do you ever not just only think about yourself? ❜
❛ Are going to leave me again? ❜
❛ What’s wrong with that? ❜
❛ Do you have anything you need to say to me? ❜
❛ I think I’m going to puke. Is there a trash can in here? ❜
❛ You really don’t know why I’m mad at you? ❜
❛ Why do you treat me like I’m not important to you? ❜
❛ Why are you telling me this?
❛ Are you ready? ❜
❛ What’s with all the questions? ❜
❛ I thought this is what you wanted? ❜
❛ Where do you think you’re going with this? ❜
❛ You’re just going to leave? ❜
❛ Do you trust me? ❜
❛ You love me? Or you think you love me? ❜
❛ When will it ever stop? ❜
❛ Do you think it’ll ever go away? ❜
❛ What are you doing this weekend? ❜
❛ You called for back up? ❜
❛ What did I just witness? ❜
❛ How do you cope when the one you love is with somebody else? ❜
❛ Have you ever thought it? ❜
❛ Are you wearing a wire? ❜
❛ Is there something wrong? ❜
❛ Is it something I said or something I did? ❜
❛ What’s wrong? I thought that it was okay? ❜
❛ Are you going to hold that against me forever? ❜
❛ So, tell me, what else is new? ❜
❛ You never actually cared, did you? ❜
❛ You went to a party without me? ❜
❛ Why wasn’t I invited? ❜
❛ Do you think that’s a little fucked up? ❜
❛ Oh, so you do speak? ❜
❛ Do you think it’s really worth it in the end? ❜
❛ How many more times do I have to tell you? ❜
❛ You didn’t think that it would bother me? ❜

Listen I know we all love bilingual Lance and boy oh boy guess who’s here with some bilingual headcanons!!

•Lance used to speak fluent spanish as a child, but when he started going to public school, he just … Lost that ability.
•Lance can understand some words and phrases in spanish but doesn’t really know how to form sentences. (he knows all the cursewords and tries to use them as much as he can bc that’s Cool™)
•He can understand enough words to get the gist of what people are saying.
•Lance started to feel kind of detatched from his family since he couldn’t speak spanish and basically everyone else (save for the younger kids) could.
•His family doesn’t put any effort into teaching him spanish bc they want him to be more American than Hispanic (a sad truth that I unfortunately experienced)
•Lance starts to take spanish classes seriously when he gets to high school. He slowly learns how to form proper sentences, and he’s at the top of his class bc he wants to connect with his family language-wise. He tries hard, and grasps the language without any help from his fluent-spanish-speaking parents.
•One time, he had to do a project in spanish class, but he didn’t know how to form the sentence he wanted. So, he goes to his parents for help.
•Big mistake.
•His parents are from different regions of south america, so they speak different forms of spanish. Whatever he’s learning at school is. Not. The same.
•He had to go back and forth from his dad to his mom for one goddamn question like holy crow.
•"No, no! Your father is wrong! I speak PROPER spanish!“
-That was an actual quote from my mother it’s legit.
•His father ends up being right. At least in terms of School Spanish.
•Lance’s teacher ended up taking points away anyway bc she knew he wasn’t capable of speaking in such eloquent, complex spanish.
•He once went over his vocab list with his fam since he forgot his spanish dictionary at school. Another mistake. Don’t ask your different-spanish-speaking parents for translations when they’re in the same room.
•They spent more time arguing about the translation than actually translating.
•Mom: “Aficion? I’ve never heard that word in my life! It doesn’t exist!”
•"It means ceiling fan, mom.“
•M: “Oh! Then you mean ‘hincha’!”
•Dad: “Hincha?! Are you trying to teach our son slang?!”
•"Wait, that’s slang?!“
•"Well, ya-”
•D: “Aficion es the tiki tiki.”
•M: “No. El tiki tiki es la hincha!”
•They slowly seep into full spanish and Lance is watching on in amusement.
•He ends up texting his aunt about the right answer, and she tells him that it’s aficion.
•Mom loses the argument.
•He has a presentation in class for an oral test. He knows he has a great accent and great understanding of spanish, but when he goes up to speak, he can’t say anything.
•Everything comes out slow and stuttered, but he still gets an A+ bc his pronunciation is on point.
•There’s a non-hispanic/latinx kid in his class. They get straight A’s and speak faster than Lance. Lance is jealous of them. It’s not fair that a person who isn’t surrounded by latin culture can speak it so well, while he can’t.
•They’re the top 2 in the class, but Lance is always second. He’s always second in everything.
•Eventually, Lance learns enough Spanish to understand full sentences. He gets a giddiness in his chest when he can understand EXACTLY what is being said in spanish. He loves it.
•Even when his parents are scolding him in spanish, he tries his best not to smile bc he UNDERSTANDS!! •He tries to get his parents/family to communicate with him in Spanish more bc he’s so proud that he can FINALLY understand them. He feels connected to them again, and loves the feeling of embracing his heritage at last.
•Then … His family asks hin why he never talks back in spanish.
•Lance is still shy and insecure about his spanish, bc sometimes he makes mistakes. And sometimes, fluent speakers are not the nicest when it comes to that. He’s afraid they’ll make fun of him bc he’s still learning.
•He goes to a restaurant that has people who only speak spanish in it. He then has to order from the menu.
•He asks for a soda. When the waitress leaves, his entire family is beaming at him. He asks why.
•They gush about his perfect pronunciation and format. They’re proud of him. They had no idea he knew it so well.
•Lance is almost brought to tears bc his family is just as proud of him as he is - especially on something so important to him.
•He talks and laughs with his family at dinner again after that.
•When he gets in space, he tries to keep himself knowledgeable in spanish. He doesn’t want to forget again.
•He listens to old spanish radio shows and songs all of the time. He listens to sports, no matter which kind, in spanish.
•He tries to teach the other paladins Spanish. He grins when they start cussing under their breath in spanish. Sometimes, the paladins will just slip into it and they’ll forget that they’re speaking another language bc it’s so second-nature to them.
•But Lance notices, and it feels a little more like home.

on the new Iron Fist series

So after binge watching a ton of Marvel’s new Iron Fist series, I went onto tumblr, wondering what the fandom was up to now, what with all these new gifs and stuff to make. ‘Maybe I would find some fan art or something’ I thought innocently to myself,

BUT BOY WAS I WRONG

instead, I was greeted with SO MUCH DISCOURSE on how Iron Fist ‘needs a chinese-american actor’ or ‘has terrible dialogue and is slow’.

the best part is when I found out that some of y’all are trying to get this show boycotted like ‘????’

Now as a Chinese-speaking Asian female, living in Asia, with an Asian background and a good know-how of Chinese history, as well as a decent knowledge of comic books, (although I confess I got into the animated series first) I’m here to end the discussion before y’all get your full rage on and start fighting fans of the show like it’s Lord of the Flies up in here

So keep reading if you want to be educated or if you just want to fight me before you know what you’re even talking about

“THE SHOW INSULTS CHINESE CULTURE”

Uhhhh…no? I’ve seen a few episodes and I mean so far there isn’t really anything that screams ‘insult’ or even offensive in the slightest. Besides maybe the fact that they take the beliefs and twist them a little bit but honestly even that ain’t that bad as to what I’ve seen elsewhere.

I’ve read the boycott post and let me say that yea, they dressed him with an eye for Asian elements, but maybe that’s because it’s supposed to be resembling Asian clothing? I mean how is that offensive? Is it the part that it looks Asian? Or that you simply feel that white people that direct these shows should not be using Asian stuff for entertainment? Because I hate to break it to you but it’s still not offensive. Even the dragon tattoo is totally fine because it’s supposed to resemble Asian elements yea but also have y’all read the comics? Because he punched through a dragon and basically took it’s heart. So I mean a dragon tattoo kinda matches the theme.

I mean in the first episode they speak almost flawless Chinese for Pete’s sake! Hell, I was surprised that they even had it in them to have a non-Google translated line. Sure the accent was a little overdoing it cuz not even I have that thick a Chinese accent but I’ll excuse it since he was apparently learning and speaking 15 years. (I speak it maybe a few times a day for like the last 14 years or so only)

So no, the show doesn’t really insult Chinese culture, sure they might be ignorant, but you must understand that after generations of stereotypes and misconceptions that that can’t just go away with one show

“Danny Rand should be played by an Asian guy/be a Chinese-American”

I can’t even begin to tell you my frustration about this.

Y’all do know this show is based on the comics right?

You know, the one with the white guy.

I know Marvel is infamous for not including enough representation in their shows but seriously? This is like the Harry Potter thing all over again with Hermione being black, it’s not that we don’t want representation or anything, but it’s the fact that this hero that us comic fans have come to already love has been replaced. Or at least it feels like it. Like when a movie is made from a book and people go crazy because character XYZ suddenly has different traits or isn’t quite what was described as compared to the book.

Frankly, it sucks.

So even though yes, Marvel should have more Asians in their shows, don’t expect them to completely give the main character a makeover, even if the makeover was supposed to provide representation. And honestly? I don’t want them to change him because I really freaking love Iron Fist, just as he is.

“This show just villainizes Asians”

So you tell me that my race is being made villains because Marvel decided that most of their Asians on their shows are evil ninjas (aka the Hand) and at most there are like 3 sorta good Asians. Oh and I’m sorry, you want more Asian men that are good guys? You want a balance of Asian heroes?

Well I guess that would be kind of hard to fit into the story since, oh, I don’t know, everything happens in the USA?

If you want more Asian characters well then look no further because you do have them. Daisy Johnson from Agents of Shield? What about her extremely brave mom? Or maybe Colleen in Iron Fist? Everyone seems to be blatantly ignoring her badassery and only seeing the part where she’s a sorta love interest.

Facts are, there are Asian characters, you’re really just looking hard enough. I agree wholeheartedly when you say that more Asian men need to be in the Marvel universe that aren’t part of the bad guy team but you gotta say that they are still awesome.

Does anyone even remember the Japanese ninja yakuza guy from Daredevil? Dude got set on fire and STILL came back to kick ass. That’s a plus in my book because even though he’s considered bad, he’s been proven to be cunning, smart, and overall awesome.

“The show has terrible stunts/acting/dialogue/fight scenes”

From here on out it’s mostly just me trying to explain why the directors and writers of the show made decisions in the show to make it what it is, so let’s dive right into it.

  • STUNTS

Actually the stunts weren’t half-bad. If you’ve seen other shows or movies that are heavily reliant on stunts and action, and compare it to this show, they really aren’t that much different. Sure it might seem a little unbelievable sometimes like they’re breaking physics or something, but he already has a glowing fist. I think we’ve crossed the line of believable long ago.

  • ACTING

I have nothing to say about this except that go and take some acting or drama classes before coming and criticizing these awesome men and women who did indeed try their best

  • DIALOGUE

Now I get the dialogue might be a little weird at times and what not, but you must understand that this show was partially written with the Defenders series in mind. So almost everything that was said in the show is meant to lead to something more. Thus, you must take it as a bigger picture. Sorta like how everyone said that Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them wasn’t as good as they thought it would be, that movie was also meant to lead on to a bigger story so you might want to excuse the weird speech and cryptic lines at times.

  • FIGHT SCENES & ACTION

Okay seriously people, please read the comics. Danny Rand is supposed to be an accidental hero, one that doesn’t want to fight unless he really has zero choice in the matter. So yea, the fight scenes won’t be that interesting, but only because the character in question is more interested in ending the fight than anything.

~

So there you have it, my whole slightly angry info-dump on Iron Fist and Marvel’s representation problem in general. If you want to correct me or scold me even then by all means message me or shoot me an ask. But just keep in mind that Marvel can’t make all your problems go away in one show, and please for the love of all that is good read the comics before coming to rant okay?

i found this post in my drafts and have ZERO memory of writing it (thank u alcohol) so im gonna put it in my queue lol
  • ok but imagine 
  • Bitty comes out to his parents but he doesn’t tell them about Jack, thinks it’s for the best, maybe to ease his parents into things or maybe to keep the pool of People Who Know as small as possible 
  • and like yeah Ransom and Holster are super oblivious but Suzanne Bittle is not, not when it comes to her son, because she is a certified Nosy Southern Mother and she can see he’s been acting differently, happier but quieter, always on his phone and blushing when she asks about boys
  • and he talks about the team a LOT 
  • Jack’s one of his best friends and he’s just started his NHL career, so of course Bitty’s never gonna shut up about Jack
  • (Same goes for Shitty and law school. And eventually Ransom and med school. Dicky is proud of his friends and wants everyone to know. He gets that trait from Suzanne, she understands)
  • but he keeps talking about this one Boy, how sweet he is and how his smile is like a sack of puppies and how bitty’s always making this boy do things with him like baking and getting froyo and going shopping and Suzanne is like. Yes. This must be Dicky’s secret boyfriend. 
  •  the next family weekend or whatever, Suzanne demands to meet this Chowder boy who’s stolen Bitty’s heart
  • Bitty is both confused and mortified

Keep reading

catfruits  asked:

Okay, so, I'd love to read a little something by you set in a world where Lavender made it out of the Battle of Hogwarts. Maybe not okay, but alive?

Once upon a time, Lavender had wanted everyone to look at her. She had been the kind of kid who put on dramatic plays for her stuffed animals, for any visitors to the house, and for any neighbor or passersby she could snag from the front yard.

Dating Ron in sixth year had been fun, most of all because everyone had kept sneaking glances at her. She had heard her name in curious whispers and she had grinned and giggled into Parvati’s shoulder.

Everyone was looking now, or pretending not to. She heard the whispers– oh it’s that poor Brown girl. Can you imagine, if it was your daughter, if it was you? Oh and she was so pretty before, too–what a pity–almost makes it worse, doesn’t it?

“You know Professor Lupin was a werewolf?” Hermione said, ten minutes into a very awkward lunch she had asked for in an equally awkward letter.

Lavender pushed a sauteed carrot through a little puddle of pasta sauce. “I think everyone heard about that one. Someone told the papers, or something, right?”

“Er, yes,” said Hermione. “Snape did. Which is what I– I mean, it’s related. Oh, I wish you’d gotten to talk to Remus about this. He was a lovely man.”

“Not as lovely as Lockhart,” Lavender said and she and Hermione spent a moment in wistful remembrance. “God, I feel old,” Lavender said.

“Anyway, Snape,” said Hermione. “Snape and Lupin. When Lupin was at school, Snape would make him a potion that would… tame him, on full moons. He could just curl up in his office and sleep by the fire. If you’re interested, I’m trying to learn how to brew it myself.”

Lavender shook her head. “We’re not friends,” she said. “Never have been. So why are you doing all this?”

Hermione looked like she was trying to say “we’re friends,” but she couldn’t get it out. “I was there, once, when Lupin turned without the potion. I was so scared. I thought we were going to die.”

“Afraid I’ll sniff you out on a dark night?” Lavender said, face twisting as she sank back into her wicker chair.

“No, I–” Hermione squeezed her eyes shut, and all the hesitation was making Lavender more and more uncomfortable. Even at eleven, Hermione had bulldozed through things. She didn’t waver. “I was so scared, but I think it was even worse for him. It hurt, but he looked so scared, too, I–”

“I know how it feels,” said Lavender, very quietly, and Hermione snapped her mouth shut. Lavender took a big sip from her tea. It was still steaming– it had not taken long to exhaust small talk, between the two of them.

Hermione cleared her throat and tried again. “I’m trying to do the right thing. I’m trying to make amends. I’m trying to– make things better. Do you want this?”

Lavender put her mug back down, shaking out scalded fingers, and said, “Yes.” Then, because her mother had raised her right, she said, “Thank you.”

“That sounds like a weird conversation,” said Parvati, whose door Lavender went and knocked on after she and Hermione had split the bill with the precise-to-the-Knut math of the vaguely acquainted and recently employed.

Lavender kicked through the fall of autumn leaves that had collected in front of the porch swing. “She was trying to be nice, I think.”

“She’s not very good at it,” said Parvati.

-

Her father wept. He tried not to but he was a crier, always had been.

“You were so brave,” said Lavender’s mother, cupping her cheeks in her warm hands and not even flinching at the scar tissue under her palms. “We are so proud.”

Lavender’s mother was a Muggleborn, daughter of a math teacher and a door-to-door salesman (“now there is a profession that requires some magic,” her grandfather used to tell her).

Her father was a wizard and he was trying hard not to cry, bending down to pet the dogs weaving between all their ankles. Lavender bent down, too, scratching behind Fiddlestick’s floppy ears while Mopsy cleaned her cheek forcefully. “Hey,” she said, and her father looked up, trying to firm his wobbly chin.

“You know I’m proud of you, too,” he said, trying not to tremble on it. “I just…” He reached out to squeeze her knee gently. “You did everything right. You did everything good. I’m so proud of you, chickadee.”

“I know,” she said, and she did. He was a Gryffindor, too.

-

It took Hermione more than a month to figure out the potion sufficiently well enough that she’d let Lavender try it. She was founding a non-profit for nonhuman rights, too, after all, as well as doing a fair few local speaking gigs, petitioning the Wizenagamot on a half dozen issues, getting an advanced degree, and supposedly, at some point, sleeping.

It took more than a month, so Lavender spent another night locked in her parents’ newly fortified cellar. She didn’t remember much, but she woke up with her throat sore and her nails ragged. The door was gouged from the inside. She wondered if she had been screaming. She wondered if that’s what the howls were. She felt like screaming, maybe, a little.

The door cracked open the moment the moon had dropped down below the horizon, outside. Her mother came in with a tray of her favorite breakfast foods– danishes and boiled eggs, steaming hot cocoa with the barest splash of bitter coffee in it.

Parvati came stomping down the stairs after her. “Graceful,” said Lavender. She winced at the roughness of her voice.

“Look who’s talking,” said Parvati. “Up, c'mon, eat your breakfast. We’re doing midnight manicures. Your dad says he’ll let us doll up his nails, too.”

The next full moon night, Lavender locked herself in the cellar again. “It should be safe,” Hermione had said. “It should. I mean, I’ve done all the tests. I followed all the instructions. It should work.”

Lavender didn’t remember, because she never remembered– she didn’t recall the cellar door unlocking and opening after ten minutes of post-moonrise silence. She didn’t recall Parvati Wingardium Leviosa-ing a comfy chair down the stairs, or her sitting down and pulling out a stack of Witch Weeklys, nor did she remember curling up on Parvati’s fuzzy button slippers and going to sleep.

But she did remember waking up in the morning, her cheek pressed into a soft pillow. She was tattered under a thick blanket, but she was human and looking upward at Parvati’s slack, sleeping face. Her dark plaits tumbled, curling, over the soft pink polka dots of her pajamas.

Lavender pulled herself up to sitting, stole the open Witch Weekly, and waited for Parvati to wake up.

-

“You’re going to be alright,” Professor Trelawney said and she wasn’t even looking at Lavender’s palm, just holding her hand tight in her cold fingers. “You’re going to be happy. You’re going to be fine. People are going to love you and stand by you and we will be there.”

The tower room was just the same as Lavender remembered it, down to the spicy-sweet tea and Trelawney’s big blinking eyes. Lavender squeezed her hands back. “I love you, too, professor.”

“You know, I think you can call me Sybil. It seems the time for it.”

Dean and Seamas’s housewarming for their ugly little first flat was a crowded mess, but the afterparty wasn’t. Lavender and Parvati came by with paint swatches, opinions, and hangover remedies. They ate greasy Chinese food on the floor, because it was about as comfortable as the couch.

They came back the next week, and the next. Parvati conjured a crackling fire in a big fruit bowl Dean’s mother had given him and they all sat around it like they were back at Gryffindor Tower’s hearths, procrastinating on homework.

On nights like that they sometimes talked about Hogwarts, but most of the time they didn’t. Dean had started drawing again and he walked them through his notebooks– his sisters, caricatures of the customers he dealt with in Ollivander’s wand shop, the snarky little comics he’d always scrawled in the edges of his notes. Parvati told them about the Auror trainees’ antics, going ut on their first field missions with their mentors. “All bravado and caffeine,” she said. “Bunch of show-offs.”

“So you fit in well, then?” Dean said.

“Nah, that’s Lav,” Parvati said. Dean and Seamas glanced warily at Lavender, but she just giggled and reached for another potsticker.

Seamas was considering going back to school. “Hermione’s been badgering me about it,” he said. “Says I have a talent for pyrotechnics, and there’s a whole major for fire magics at Brinxley.”

“What about you, Lav?” said Dean. “You still thinking about vet school?”

“What?”

“Oh, uh, that’s the Muggle word. Veterinarian– a medimagizoologist?”

“The schools aren’t too interested in a werewolf as a student,” Lavender said, shrugging.

“Not that that stops Hermione from showing up on the doorstep with half-penned anti-discrimination lawsuits she wants Lav to star in,” Parvati said.

“When does she sleep?” said Dean.

Little children asked about it in the street sometimes. “Mum, why’s her face like that?” “How come she’s walking all funny?”

Sometimes their parents turned to Lavender with eager bright eyes in the grocery store line, expecting her to answer. (“I got hurt, but I’m okay now.”) Sometimes they shushed their kids and gave her little apologetic half-smiles, glancing away from the raised lines of scar tissue. Sometimes they pulled their children closer to them and crossed to the other side of the street.

Harry Potter had a godson. Teddy Lupin was four the first time Lavender met him, just outside Gringotts. Teddy clung to Harry’s pants leg, peeking past his godfather’s hanging robe. “Why’d her face do that?” he said and Harry dropped a hand down into Teddy’s hair, which was bright green.

“She’s just like your dad,” said Harry.

“Puppy,” Teddy whispered, eyes wide with joy, and his skin shifted until scars stood out stark on his smiling chubby cheeks.

Lavender bit her lip and sank down to her knees in the street, holding out a hand. “Why aren’t you handsome, chickadee. What’s your name?”

Once, Lavender had wanted everyone to look at her.

She hated stories that told you to be careful what you wished for. Were you not supposed to want things? Was that the answer? She was nearly twenty two and she could make things fly with a few whispered words. She had lived through her seventh year at Hogwarts, had stepped out into that battle with her wand out and her eyes open. She had woken up–hurting, wounds tended, poison in her veins–to Parvati sleeping on Sybil’s shoulder at her bedside.

She had cried when they told her about the lycanthropy. She had cried over her bunny because a fox had gotten to it. Both times it had been with her face buried in Parvati’s shoulder and Parvati’s hands stroking her hair. She wished and she wanted– animals that never left you, bodies that never betrayed you.

Once, Lavender had wished that everyone would look at her, and now they were. Everyone was looking– so Lavender held Parvati’s hand in the grocery store at midnight, because they had both been craving green apples. Everyone was looking– so Lavender curled her hair and pinned it up, wore tank tops and little skirts on any day hot enough that she could get away with it, laughed aloud in public spaces. Everyone was looking– so Lavender knocked on Hermione Granger’s door one evening and asked, “What would it take to get me into magical vet school?”

Hermione had her bushy hair all tied back and a quill behind each ear. “A lot. There’s some statutes we’ve got to fight, and even if we can handle that you’ll still be under intense scrutiny for years.”

“I can work with that,” said Lavender, and Hermione grinned.

When Teddy marched down the aisle with the rings, his hair was a shimmering swirl of pink and purple to match the flowers woven into Parvati’s braids and Lavender’s curls.

The honeymoon would be short–a week in magical Paris in the townhouse of a Beauxbaton girl they’d befriended fourth year. Lavender had more medical textbooks packed into her luggage than anything else. Parvati’s bags were lined with half-finished reports that she’d owl to Auror headquarters from a rumpled Parisian morning, getting croissant crumbs in the bedsheets.

But for now the hall was filled with pink and purple blooms, white candles, familiar faces. Hermione stood in a violet bridesmaid’s dress, and Dean and Seamus in matching ties at Parvati and Lavender’s respective backs. Padma was luminescent with joy over Parvati’s shoulder. She had taken Lavender aside that morning for a short quiet walk in the mist and told her, “I know tonight’s what makes it official, but I’ve thought of you as my sister for years.”

When Lavender leaned forward and kissed her wife, her father burst into proud tears in the front row. He was a crier, always had been. Lavender buried her face in Parvati’s shoulder, smiling so hard she thought she might come apart. Her scars creased and puckered in her dimples, and she was beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

Through Their Eyes - One Shot

Happy Valentine’s Day to my lovely readers with a Happy Birthday one shot to him that is almost exactly two weeks late! Inspiration and time are funny that way – always against you, you know? ;) Enjoy, loves. xx

Anybody would have to be blind not to see it, and his mother thinks he is and you are, too.

 Her beautiful boy has always been a bit oblivious. He’s incredibly smart, she’s proud to say, and very astute, but sometimes – only sometimes – he can’t see past the end of his own nose.

 He’s in love with you. She’s suspected it for awhile, but tonight it’s painfully plain to see. Her son, her youngest, her baby, loves you.

It’s more than a passing fancy, because he would have stopped lighting up in the same way when you walked into any room if it was as simple as that. And it’s more than the love that comes with strong friendship, because if it stopped there he wouldn’t look at you the way those thousands of adoring fans look at him – like he just wants one chance, just the one, to show you how good he’d be for you and to you.

 None of his friends see it – they’re all too far gone into the alcohol and guffawing as they have go after go at him in the name of good fun, and he just laughs along with them with crinkle-eyed, dimply humor.

 You don’t see it either. You don’t see it when he looks up at you with adoration that shines, unbridled, thanks to the liquor in his veins.

 You don’t even see it when he leans his head against the gentle curve of your hip while you stand next to him, one eye drooping just a little more than the other as he listens to whatever story is being told before giving in and letting them fall shut as you rake your fingers through his thick curls and massage his scalp. He does love a good pet, but he doesn’t reward all the people who comply by turning his head inwards and giving a little kiss to the hip that’s been his pillow.

And her boy – her birthday boy – he doesn’t see it at all.

Keep reading

Joker Imagine - You Lose Your Virginity

WARNING: SMUT!!!! This is not for kids (But are any of my imagines tho?)

Originally posted by fuckyeahumbrellaboy

Originally posted by relationshipaims

Your P.O.V.

Being Joker’s girlfriend wasn’t easy, but I loved it. I loved spending time with him, stand by his side and feel special. He made me feel like I was one in a billion. Even tho he could be scary and really crazy, I loved him. Most people feared Joker for his behaviour which was good, but I knew him better. We’ve been together for just a few weeks, but it was enough. He was crazy and I was crazy, a perfect mixture for Gotham city. A crazy couple that likes to play with Batsy. We had a lot of fun, but then came the more personal part.

I was still a virgin.

The fact had made me nervous and to be honest I was scared. Joker wasn’t a gentle man, he was more dominating. I knew he had a rough grip so I was stressed about when the time would come. I was mentally ready, but I was just scared as heck. My old friends had told me that they were in pain, that it stung and some of them even bled. Knowing Joker he wouldn’t be any gentler than an ordinary guy, perhaps he was worse.

 Damn he didn’t even know. I had always came up with an excuse like ‘I’m on my periods’ ‘the wounds I got from the heist hurt’ or ‘I’m tired, sorry’ when he tried to take kissing a step further. Now he probably suspected something, which was ok. I knew I should tell him.

It was Valentine’s day, 10 p.m. and he would come home anytime soon. I had been up all day as he was on a heist with Frost. I had stayed on purpose, trying to prepare myself. Joker was surprised when I a blood thirsty little monster didn’t come with him to kill a few people who didn’t pay him back. While he was gone from the luxurious penthouse, I was thinking. I knew that I’d give him my virginity tonight. So I had taken a warm bath, I read loads of blogs where people talked about losing it. It was the same pain and blood kind of shit. But then I saw more positive posts. Some said that foreplay and lube could make it better. Also not everyone would bleed. So I felt a little better.

I sighed and grabbed my laptop. Then I sat down on our bed, on the dark purple sheets and I sat comfortably. Then I opened a tab and decided to do something I didn’t do that often, but I felt like I had to. If Joker would catch me, I’d be so embarrassed. I watched some more mature videos, yes porn. To be honest it was kinda hot and impressive how these people did all that. Maybe one day J could take me like that? Damn it was a thrilling thought. I got so lost in my thoughts by watching the video that I forgot to follow the time. The volume was quite high and a girl was moaning really heavily. I bet her moans were echoing through the house. I just watched keenly, slowly getting wet.

Then I heard footsteps coming closer loudly. My eyes widened and my breath hitched in my throat. Before I could sit up, Joker walked in with a gun in his hand. There was an angry look on his face. My heart jumped to my throat and I froze on the bed. ‘’Oh’’ He muttered and lowered the gun. Instead of being angry, he smirked. ‘’Is my kitten horny?’’ He purred at me. He still had his silver jacket on. He probably thought that something was happening here so he just hurried to me. A blush spread on my face and I shut the tab and then put the computer away. Way to go.

‘’We need to talk’’ I cleared my throat and looked away from my boyfriend. It was really embarrassing to be caught watching porn. ‘’Hmm I’d love to talk’’ Joker told me deeply and crawled in bed next to me. I noticed that I got tense. He grabbed my jaw and made me look at him. His usually ice blue eyes were dark and his pupils were bigger than normal. ‘’I should..um..there’s..can you..no do you want to..ugh..’’ I wanted to tell him about my virginity, but I was so nervous that I didn’t make sense. I stopped stuttering when he put his fingers on my lips. ‘’Do you want me to fuck you?’’ He asked me shamelessly. My eyes widened a bit and I felt like I was a heat lamp by now. Why was this so bad?

‘’Kinda.. yes’’ I whispered and watched how his smirk turned into a grin. ‘’But there’s something..you should know’’ I hurried to say before he got started. Joker nodded and waited for me to tell him. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it was ok. He should know. ‘’I’ve..I’ve never done this before’’ I spat it out shyly and expected him to laugh, but nope, he didn’t laugh. ‘’I figured’’ He replied calmly. I looked at him with surprise. Before I could ask him how, he kept going. ‘’You always had an excuse kitten. You could have just told me’’ He let me know and climbed above me. I looked into his eyes quietly. Joker sat on my hips, but he put most of his weight on his legs. 

‘’Sorry’’ I apologized for not telling him earlier. ‘’Hmm..it’s ok. But why didn’t you tell me kitten? Why’’ He pried while taking off his silver jacket, revealing his red shirt that wasn’t buttoned. I saw his toned chest and to be honest I liked that sight. ‘’I was scared’’ I admitted, knowing that being honest with him was the best choice. Joker took off his shirt as well before he leaned closer to my face. ‘’Why were you scared?’’ He purred quietly and cupped my face. I put my hands on his and took a deep breath, noticing how his scent of gunpowder and cologne calmed me down.

‘’I was scared because I know it hurts..and it’s kinda embarrassing’’ I admitted, finding it hard to speak when he started kissing my neck. J licked my skin and then started kissing me until he found my sweet spot. I whimpered,but muffled it by biting my lips together. ‘’It’s not embarrassing’’ He told me seriously before looking back into my eyes.This side of him wasn’t really familiar for me. He wasn’t angry nor overly happy and cheerful. He seemed like he genuinely cared about my safety. But there was also that smirk there since he caught he watching that video. 

‘’You know I won’t hurt you right?’’ He whispered into my ear. I licked my lips and closed my eyes for a while. ‘’..unless you want me to’’ He added darkly, but I knew what he meant with that. ‘’I trust you J’’ I let him know. All this got me hornier and I just wanted to get started. I felt impatient, but also shy and vulnerable. ‘’Look at me’’ He demanded and so I opened my eyes. His face was right above mine. ‘’I’ll take care of you. Why would I ever want to hurt my queen?’’ He looked at me seriously, but he didn’t seem angry. I cracked a smile and it was enough for an answer.

Then J pressed his red lips against mine. I relaxed into the kiss and shut my eyes again, kissing him harder. Joker opened his mouth a little so he could push his tongue out. I gave him access to my mouth and then he started exploring me like never before. His hand travelled down on my body so he was cupping my right boob. I tensed as he touched me and of course he noticed. J pulled back and looked deep in my eyes. ‘’Relax kitten’’ He demanded calmly. I nodded and took a deep breath. 

Then he grabbed the hems of my black shirt that I was wearing and he dragged it up until I was shirtless. I watched as he threw the shirt away somewhere on the wooden floor. The cool air made contact on my skin and I felt goosebumps rising. Then J got up, standing next to the bed. He unbuckled his belt and got out of his black jeans. I was wearing golden pajama shorts and black underwear. When I saw J in his boxers, I realized that this was real. He had a boner and man it looked huge. How could all that fit inside me?

‘’What did you think of when you watched it baby?’’ He broke the silence and got on the bed again. I sat up next to him and sighed. Was it so obvious that I had been thinking of him? Of us doing those things? ‘’You’’ I replied shortly. J put his hands on my shorts and dragged them off, making me raise my legs so he could take them all the way off. Now we were both in our underwear only. I couldn’t help but to be nervous, but I was getting really wet. ‘’Mmh baby..’’ He growled with a smile and suddenly dragged me on his lap. I put my hands on his muscled shoulders and bit my bottom lip.His grip was strong, but sure. I liked it.

‘’I’ve thought about you very very much baby..About you and me, together’’ He purred and then his hands played with my bra. He unclasped them and I felt them hanging by the straps. He had never seen me buttnaked before, but I didn’t mind that he would now. Then he slid them off of me and threw them away as well. My nipples were hard and I knew he noticed. I mean, my boobs were nearly in his face. ‘’You’ve got really nice tits’’ he smirked and cupped both of them. Then he gave them a squeeze, making me flinch because the sensitivity came so suddenly. ‘’I know you like them because you’re always staring’’ I chuckled and tried to feel comfortable. I wasn’t uncomfortable either, just nervous.

‘’Have you touched yourself?’’ J asked me seriously and then licked my left nipple. I bit my bottom lip and nearly moaned when he blew cold air on the spot before nibbling me with his teeth. He used his hand on the other one so I wouldn’t feel lonely. ‘’Tell me’’ He reminded me and kept going. As I opened my  mouth to speak, he bit me a little harder, making me moan. ‘’That’s my girl, don’t hold it back’’ He let me know more happily. ‘’Now tell me, have you ever touched yourself while thinking of us?’’ He wanted to know very eagerly. It made me think of the few times I had done that. It had all been very recently. He was making me a horny mess.

‘’Yes J mmh’’ I whimpered, getting wet for him. Then I looked at my horny boyfriend who got a dangerous dark twist in those pretty eyes. ‘’Dirty dirty girl’’ He rumbled deeply. Then he used his mouth on my other boob. I leaned closer to him so his face was hugging them. I wanted to get some friction, but I was patient enough. I knew that foreplay was important so it wouldn’t hurt so much. His warm hands squeezed my boobs a little harder, making me jump a little every time, but I liked the feeling. Suddenly he pinched both my nipples, making me gasp. ‘’I need to punish you for being a naughty girl, but not tonight’’ He warned me and then moved his hands on my back, sliding them down until he clutched my bum. He did it to press our clothed crotches closer. Then he leaned back against the bedpost and attached his lips on my neck.

‘’Damn..I can feel how wet you are’’ J admitted and grinded his hard on against me. My eyes nearly rolled to the back of my head from the unfamiliar touch, but the feeling it made. My clit was pulsing by now because I was so eager for his touch. ‘’Oh baby girl..how long have you been waiting for me?’’ He licked his lips and kept planting kisses on my neck and chest. ‘’A few hours’’ I answered shortly, focusing on the small amount of friction that felt good already.

‘’Maybe..just maybe I won’t tease you too much now’’ He thought out loud. Then he rolled us over so he was on top. I looked into his eyes and now it was my turn to smirk. ‘’It must be tight in those boxers J’’ I whispered and touched his back with my nail, gently tho. ‘’Trust me, it is’’ He growled and then pressed his crotch against mine again, way harder than earlier because he was on top now. As I was about to moan, he pressed those sweet lips of his against mine, making me moan into his mouth. He grabbed my hair with his left hand to keep me steady. The feeling of him dry humping me was so good after waiting so long.

Then he let go of my lips, looking into my eyes silently for a while. He was probably finding it hard to keep control over his actions. ‘’Daddy’s hungry’’ He let me know. At first I didn’t get it, but I was quick to catch on. J went down on me and soon he bit my last piece of clothing, my undies. I watched as he slid them off very slowly, keeping eye contact while teasing the hell out of me. ‘’J’’ I whined impatiently, but couldn’t help but to admit that it was hot. His hands touched my thighs and then moved closer again. He moved his eyes away from my eyes to look at my heat. I felt a little shy and embarrassed again. No one had ever been this close to me.

‘’Oh you’re glistening..something needs to be done here’’ He purred excitedly and placed a kiss on my inner thigh. I squeezed the bedsheets and waited for him to do something. I didn’t even realize that I was holding my breath until he told me. ‘’Relax kitten, I’ll make you feel good’’ He promised me. I let out a long breath and then encouraged him with a smile. ‘’Please daddy’’ I begged him. Something twisted in his eyes and his grip got tighter, but I didn’t feel any pain. Then he licked my pussy slowly, from my clit to my opening. I gasped and then held my breath for a few seconds. J didn’t stop now. He kitten licked my wetness and then attached his mouth of my throbbing clit. I moaned loudly in pleasure. It didn’t hurt, yet.

J nibbled my clit with his teeth and made me arch my back. He put his right arm on my hips to keep me on place. ‘’Damn baby you taste so good’’ He complimented me and kept licking my clit. ‘’harder J’’ I whimpered, wanting more. I wanted him to take me harder. It was probably because I was so horny. ‘’Baby girl..I feel like after a few times you’ll be one feisty beast in bed’’ He chuckled and then pushed his index finger inside of me. He had long and kinda thick fingers. I had never felt that before from anyone else than myself and I had smaller fingers.

I chewed my bottom lip and whimpered as he started fingering me. It hurt a little, but it felt so good as well. Then I moved my hand to touch his arm he used to keep my hips down. J looked at my face to see if I was in any kind of discomfort.  He wasn’t smiling and he had a dark look on his smug face, but I could tell he was both happy but worried. He truly cared about me. ‘’Does my kitten enjoy this?’’ He purred and curled his long finger against me soft walls, hitting a spot that made me moan loudly. He noticed and kept pressing his finger against that magic spot. 

‘’Y-Yes’’ I answered him and tried to buck my hips, but it was useless. Suddenly he grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers while using his other hand to pleasure me. Once he pulled out his finger, he pushed back two. This time he had more difficulties getting both in smoothly. I gulped and realized that it hurt a little. J saw it on my face and he stopped. ‘’Relax’’ He reminded me and used his thumb to rub my clit. ‘’Keep going’’ I told him a little unsurely. He listened to me and fingered me with two fingers, but he couldn’t get both fully in. My head leaned against the pillows and I squeezed his hand, but I still moaned out in both pleasure and pain. Soon he managed to get both fingers in and he pressed the magic spot again. 

‘’Fuck yes’’ I breathed out sharply. ‘’It wasn’t that hard to find’’ He told me proudly. I guess the magic spot was my G-spot. He was still slow with his fingers, but I wanted more now that I got more used to it. I wanted to feel him in me, to be connected with him. ‘’J’’ I whispered nervously and looked into his dark eyes. ‘’Yes baby?’’ He answered quickly and stopped moving his fingers. I felt how my juices stained the sheets. I couldn’t help but to think of the chance of bleeding.

‘’I want you’’ I told him honestly. J pulled out his fingers and climbed closer to my face. ‘’Do you want me now?’’ He questioned me with his sexy raspy voice and touched my bottom lips with the fingers he just used to finger fuck me with. I nodded and opened my mouth so I could taste myself. J pushed his fingers in my mouth and I sucked them clean. ‘’I’ll get a condom’’ He let me know. J pressed a kiss on my stomach, making me smile, before he got up. He walked to the dark brown drawer and opened it, grabbing a condom. Reality hit me again. This was it. I just hoped that he managed to remain as calm as possible. J wasn’t normal, but I couldn’t be happier to share this moment with him. No one else could replace him, never ever in a gazillion years.

J took off his boxers and then I saw his cock. My eyes widened. Now it looked even bigger. Pre-cum was dripping from his tip. He was stone hard. It would be a miracle if this wouldn’t hurt. I mean I barely managed two of his fingers and now that? He was at least nine inches long, at least! ‘’Do you want to put it on?’’ J asked me, knocking me out of my thoughts. He had holding the condom near me. I grabbed it from his hand and then ripped the small package open, revealing a slimy piece of rubber that would keep us away from infections and kids.

Then I looked at his cock. Was I supposed to touch him? What if I’d screw up? J noticed that I was staring, so he decided to speak. ‘’You’re adorable’’ He chuckled and then grabbed my wrist, bringing my hand close to his erection. My hands were trembling because I was so nervous, but damn I wanted this. ‘’Um..How do I know when it’s right?’’ I mumbled, feeling like my brain was running in circles. ‘’I’ll know, just roll it on’’ He encouraged me. His voice was raspier than normally. I grabbed his shaft and tried to keep a gentle touch. I had no idea if it hurt or what it felt like for him. Then I put the condom on his tip and tried to remember what I had learned earlier. I pinched the tip while rolling it on. Then I let go and looked at J for approval.

‘’Good, was it so hard?’’ J asked me and licked his lips. I shook my head no, but to be honest I just wanted to begin. ‘’Now baby girl you need to relax, okay?’’ He looked deep in my eyes while making me lie down on my back. ‘’I will’’ I promised him and took a shaky breath. Joker grabbed my legs and put them on his shoulders. Then he positioned himself close to my entrance, letting the tip touch me but he didn’t push in yet. My nerves were about to kill me.

‘’Hey, look at me’’ J demanded and I was quick to do so. He grabbed my hand and looked deep into my eyes. ‘’Do it’’ I whispered and prepared myself for the pain. I gritted my teeth as he pushed his length inside of me, stretching my walls that had never experienced this. First I couldn’t feel pain, until he got an inch or two in. ‘’Fuck’’ I hissed nervously and tensed my muscles.J stopped and clenched his jaw. This wasn’t easy for him either. ‘’Y/N, take it easy baby’’ He reminded me. Tears stung my eyes, but it was mostly because of my nerves. I had been thinking too much all day and this was the moment all that stress and worry came out. It didn’t hurt so much that I couldn’t handle it.

‘’You’re doing good, now be a good girl for daddy and relax’’ J spoke slowly, but deeply. I nodded and relaxed after taking a deep breath.He kept going slowly. I felt the struggle, since everything was so tight down there. J never broke eye-contact while he entered me. Then as I thought things wouldn’t get worse, I felt a stinging pain. ‘’Ow ow ow’’ I whined and gritted my teeth. J didn’t stop, he kept pushing himself in. I knew that he had torn my hymen. ‘’I know it hurts baby,but it’ll be over soon’’ He promised me seriously. The tears rolled down my face, but I didn’t sob. Then he cupped my cheek and wiped away a tear with his thumb. I liked J like this, which I never expected. 

Soon he was all the way in. J stopped, wanting me to adjust to his size. I was breathing heavily because my nerves were unravelling. It stung and hurt as my walls stretched, but it didn’t get any worse. Actually now that he wasn’t moving, it didn’t hurt too much. ‘’You’re doing so good’’ J purred and tried to stay still. Man he had been weeks without sex and now he had to contain himself, which was a hard task for Joker. I was so glad that he cared about me enough to not hurt me on purpose.

‘’Move’’ I whispered after a while. He nodded and pulled back. I gritted my teeth, but tried to stay relaxed as he moved. J was almost all the way out until he pushed back in, this time a little faster without stopping. I grunted in pain but the pleasure made it bearable. J growled under his breath. I untangled our hands so I could hug him by putting my hands on his strong back. J supported himself a little better now and found a better position. Soon he was finding a slow but steady rhythm. One more single tear rolled down my face until I started to find pleasure coming above the pain. I moaned quite loudly now, allowing J to know that the worst pain was over. He smiled, but it quickly faded as he started to pace up.

My nails raked his back without me noticing. ‘’Fuck J’’ I cried out in pleasure. The feeling was new but so lovely. His big cock rubbed my soft and sensitive walls by every move and once he was in me, his tip hit the magic spot that made my eyes roll to the back of my head. ‘’Do you feel good?’’ He asked me darkly and he gritted his teeth. We were both getting sweaty, but neither of us minded. ‘’Y-Y..ah fuck yes!’’ I wailed out happily. J started breathing heavily and so did I, but I was a moaning mess as well. I bucked my hips against J’s to get more friction. I wanted him to go faster and not be so careful anymore. Just like I read the pain goes away after a few minutes. Now I felt simply amazing.

‘’Faster..’’ I whispered quietly, but he didn’t quite catch it. I knew he wanted to go slow to keep me safe which was sweet. J probably found this hard, since he actually gave a fuck about me. I knew how to make him take me harder tho. ‘’Fuck me harder daddy’’I told him loudly. J slowed down until he stopped. My ass was wet because I was legit dripping arousal. J put his hand on my jaw and looked into my eyes seriously. ‘’Y/N..don’t get me to the point where I can’t control myself’’ He warned me, but I knew he wanted it. Me being the crazy girl who didn’t follow rules anyway did something else.

‘’I know you want to..I can take you daddy’’ I purred and bucked my hips, already missing the feeling of him fucking me. I wanted more. I didn’t even care if it hurt a little bit. ‘’Y/N’’ J growled and shut his eyes. I smirked, knowing that I got him. ‘’I’m all yours daddy, look at me’’ I said innocently. When he opened his eyes I used my left hand to touch my clit. J looked at my actions for a few seconds until he lost it. He grabbed my wrist harshly and pinned it next to my head. ‘’Oh darling you’ll cry soon’’ He warned me angrily. Finally. 

Before I could answer, he grabbed the bedpost and let his anger out on me, just as I expected him to. J pounded himself balls deep in me, making the sound of skin slapping against skin echo in our room and probably the entire penthouse.’’Yes..Yes daddy’’ I gasped and rolled my eyes to the back of my head again. Then I curled my toes and felt a knot forming in my stomach. J was going really hard, harder now that I thought he would. ‘’Is this what you wanted?’’ He growled heatedly. I couldn’t even answer him. The pleasure and pain mixed together had me overwhelmed. My mouth was open and I was gasping between my loud cries of pleasure. The look in J’s eyes was so sexy but dangerous.

I had awakened a beast.

J kept slamming his entire length in me, until a strong feeling seemed to come closer. I guess I was close to an orgasm. Although I also read that most women don’t come the first time, or even the first few times. ‘’J’’ I tried to say his name, but it came out as a whisper. J growled and kept doing this hard work. A shiver ran down my spine and I struggled to breathe. It felt so good. ‘’J’’ I tried again and it came out a little louder. ‘’You’re close, I know’’ he let me know. Tomorrow would be a day I’d find it hard to walk. I just felt it.

As the feeling grew stronger, tears stung my eyes again. I wanted to let go so bad, but I found it hard. I blinked, letting the tears wash down my face. But the roughness was fucking amazing. I knew I wasn’t normal. ‘’Ah-’’ I screamed, but fell silent as a wave of pleasure washed across my entire body, feeling like a good slap. It’s like all my other senses numbed down, only allowing me to feel the amazing feeling. It made my abdomen muscles tense. I curled my toes and used my free hand to dig my nails into J’s back.

After a while I came back to my senses, still feeling like heaven, but something unexpected happened. I got super sensitive. It’s like every move J did was like twenty times more sensitive. ‘’J’’ I whimpered, still recovering from that hard orgasm. He didn’t stop yet. I screamed out and my body started shaking. I was pushing him, but I wanted more. I wanted this, but my body couldn’t handle much more. J noticed and then stopped. He pulled out and put my legs down. I squeezed them together, panting hard on the bed now. J took off the condom and I watched as he came seconds later. His cum cum shot on my body, landing on my stomach. His entire hot load just pooled on my skin as I panted.

For some reason I liked that dirty sight of being covered in his cum. But now I felt like I was on fire, but it was so worth it. J was breathing heavily and he ran his hand through his hair. I cracked a smile and I looked at my boyfriend. Suddenly I felt much closer to him, it’s like we were more serious. ‘’Thank you’’ I whispered tiredly, but I was so happy. J  looked into my eyes more calmly now. ‘’Well it’s not over yet doll face. I need to run you a bath, you’re bleeding’’ He let me know. My eyes widened. Then I sat up, ignoring the burning sensation. He was right. There was a little blood on the sheets. Fuck.

I wasn’t sure if he was angry or not, but I still grew nervous.’’Shit sorry..I-I’ll clean up’’ I promised him quickly. Before I could panic more, J cupped my face and kissed me. It took me by surprise, but I kissed him back. The kiss was sweet and salty, but it sure calmed me down. Then J grabbed my wrists and let me put my hands on his chest. ‘’Oh kitten just take it easy, it’s fine. Daddy isn’t mad at you’’ He assured me. ‘’I lov..’’ I started, but quickly shut up. His smile faded. Joker never told anyone those three words, at least not that I knew of it. He knew how to show his emotions, especially when he got protective over me or when he wanted to spend time with me. He knew it as well ,but so far he had never said that he loved me. I was kinda nervous now. Everything went well, but I went and tried to say those words to him.

Way to go.

‘’I loved it’’ I cleared my throat, talking about the sex. Maybe he’d think through it. J sighed and then stood up. I thought he’d leave me alone, but instead he picked me up in his strong arms. So he carried me to the master bathroom. ‘’I know what you were going to say Y/N’’ he admitted ,but I was unsure if he was angry at me or not. He wasn’t obvious like an open book. No, Joker was a nut that was hard to crack, but I was going the right way. ‘’Sorry’’ I whispered and looked down. He put me on my feet and locked the white bathroom door. My legs were numb, kinda feeling like jelly. So I sat on the edge of the tub quickly. Then I watched as J let the warm water fill the big tub, big enough for two.

‘’Don’t be sorry’’ He started a little angrily. Well sherlock it wasn’t easy not to be. I didn’t want to ruin a perfect night with my own stupid feelings in words. J kneeled down in front of me and rested his head on my knees. ‘’Do you mean it?’’ He wanted to know. A blush spread on my already rosy cheeks. Then I nodded, a little scared if I had to be honest. Instead of getting mad at me like I expected him to be, instead of hitting me neither, he did the opposite.

‘’Well..I think that’s good, so I know our feelings are mutual’’ He let me know mysteriously. Just as I expected, he wouldn’t say ‘I love you’ but he found a way to let me know. 

Well this was a perfect valentine’s day..

Negative things about the signs
  • Aries: Why must you be so damn impatient? When someone is speaking and they are speaking kind of slow for your taste or whatever you interrupt them and start talking about something else, preferably about yourself. Just no.
  • Taurus: Ok girl just chill, you are not always right and even though you know you're not you're just too damn stubborn to admit it that you were wrong. Seriously chill.
  • Gemini: Omg make up your damn mind, do you want this or do you want that? You can't play people like that. Oh and think before you speak because you tend to hurt people's feelings because you're not really thinking that it might hurt them or just don't care. Please no more.
  • Cancer: Oh dear Cancer please don't take everything so harshly. Not everyone is out to get you, you know? And even though someone tells you that you need to improve on something it doesn't mean you are a failure and should give up on everything. Not everything is that black and white.
  • Leo: Oh my god. Why are you like this? You don't have to act so egoistical all the time because in reality you are just so damn insecure. You get angry too quickly and are way too possessive. You might scare people off if you keep acting like that.
  • Virgo: You're very dismissive when things aren't going your way and if you don't think something is perfect you judge people really harshly. And for some reason this doesn't apply to you. Hypocrite much?
  • Libra: You may act all nice but in reality you are the biggest gossiper out of all the zodiac signs. You might even backstab people and not realise that you are actually in the wrong and not the one you were just "gossiping" about. You're pretty shady my guy.
  • Scorpio: You're pretty manipulative and you don't even realise it. Things have to go your way. Also you must take revenge on someone who wronged you 10 years ago. Relax and drink water or something. The person who wronged you has probably forgotten anyways.
  • Sagittarius: Well...you people are pretty moody. Actually you are in a great mood most of the time but when something isn't going your way you get reaaaallllyyyy moody. And everyone will know about it because you take it out on everybody. Even that guy in the store you don't know has to know and feel that you aren't in a good mood.
  • Capricorn: You never take responsibility for anything that happens in your life. If something happens you make someone elsa take care of it for you because well it wasn't your problem. Or so you believe.
  • Aquarius: You're sooooo...Unpredictable! What's going on in that head of yours!? Where are you going? Anywhere you feel like going. Please stop.
  • Pisces: If I'm going to be completely honest with you, you can be a total bitch when something you want just isn't happening. Also overly emotional. You cry over everything! Honey, get a grip!
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James Potter to Mrs. Wife: lily can we have another baby?

Lily Potter to Wears Socks to Bed: R u going to text me that every time Harry does something cute?

James Potter: yes

Lily Potter: U know if we got one every time u asked we’d have like 35 babies by now??

James Potter: i’d be okay with that

James Potter: they might give us our own tv programme

James Potter: lil and jim and their kin 

Lily Potter: Ur right what’s the point of having children if not to pimp them out for reality television

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A white guy’s thoughts on “Get Out” and racism

This weekend, I went to see a horror movie. It got stuck in my head, and now I can’t stop thinking about it—but not for any of the reasons you might think.

The movie was Jordan Peele’s new hit Get Out, which has gotten rave reviews from critics—an incredible 99% on Rotten Tomatoes—and has a lot of people talking about its themes.

First of all, I should tell you that I hate horror movies. As a general rule, I stay far, far away from them, but after everything I’d read, I felt like this was an important film for me to see. This trailer might give you some inkling as to why:

Creepy, huh? You might know writer/director Jordan Peele as part of the comedy duo Key & Peele, known for smartly tackling societal issues through sketch comedy. Get Out is a horror movie, but it’s also a film about race in America, and it’s impressively multilayered.

I left the theater feeling deeply disturbed but glad this movie was made. I can’t say any more without revealing spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie yet and you don’t want to have the plot spoiled for you, stop reading now and come back later.

Seriously, this is your last chance before I give away what happens.

Okay, you were warned. Here we go.

Our protagonist is Chris Washington, a young black man who has been dating Rose Armitage, a young white woman, for the last four months. She wants him to meet her family, but he’s hesitant. She acknowledges that her dad can be a little awkward on the subject of race, but assures Chris that he means well.

After unnerving encounters with a deer (echoes of The Invitation) and a racist cop, Chris and Rose arrive at the Armitages’ estate. On the surface, the Armitages are very friendly, but the conversation (brilliantly scripted by Peele) includes a lot of the little, everyday, get-under-your-skin moments of racism that people of color have to contend with: Rose’s dad going on about how he voted for Obama, for instance, and asking how long “this thang” has been going on. Chris laughs it off to be polite, though he clearly feels uncomfortable.

There’s a fantastic moment here, by the way, when Rose’s dad offhandedly mentions that they had to close off the basement because of “black mold.” In the midst of the racially charged atmosphere of the conversation, it’s nearly impossible not to take this as a racial remark, and Chris certainly notices, but what could he possibly say about it? Black mold is a real thing; his girlfriend would surely think he was crazy and oversensitive if he said it sounded racist. Chris never reacts to the remark, but that one tiny moment is a reminder to the audience of a real problem people of color often face, when racism can’t be called out without being accused of “playing the race card” or seeing things that aren’t there. (Incidentally, it turns out that the basement is actually used for molding of a different sort.)

There are other reasons for Chris to be unsettled: The only other black people on the estate are two servants, Georgina and Walter (Rose’s dad says he knows how bad it looks, but that it’s not what it seems), and something is clearly “off” about them. Later, more white people show up—and one more black character, and he, too, feels “off.”

By the end of the film, we learn the horrible secret: Rose’s family is kidnapping and luring black people to their estate, where they’re being hypnotized and psychologically trapped inside themselves—Rose’s mom calls it “the sunken place”—so that old or disabled white people’s consciousnesses can be transplanted into their bodies. The white people are then able to move about, controlling their new black bodies, with the black person’s consciousness along for the ride as a mere “passenger.” In a shocking twist, it turns out that even apparently-sweet Rose is in on the plot, and Chris must fight her and the rest of her family to escape.

This isn’t a “white people are evil” film, although it may sound that way at first, but it is a film about racism. I know many of my friends of color will connect with this movie in a way I can’t, so I won’t try to say what I think they’ll get out of it. I do want to say how I connected with it, though, because I think what Jordan Peele has done here is really important for white audiences. 

If you look beyond the surface horror-movie plot, this film actually gives white people a tiny peek at the reality of racism—not the epithet-shouting neo-Nazi kind of racism that white people normally imagine when we hear “racism,” but the “Oh it’s so nice to meet you; I voted for Obama” kind of racism, the subtle othering that expects people of color to smile and get along and adopt white culture as their own whenever they’re around white people.

So many of the moments in Get Out are clearly intended to work on multiple levels. When Chris confronts Georgina about something being wrong and she smiles and says, “No, no no no no no,” with tears streaming down her cheeks, the symbolism is blatant. How often do people of color have to ignore the subtle indignities they face and hide their true emotions in order to avoid coming across as, for example, “the angry black woman/man”? How many times do they find themselves in social situations—even with their closest white friends!—where people make little comments tying them to an “exotic,” supposedly monolithic culture, where they have to respond with a smile and a laugh instead of telling people how stupid and offensive they’re being? 

I can’t tell you the number of these stories I’ve heard from my friends, and I’m quite sure that the stories I’ve heard are only a tiny fraction of the stories that could be told. So there’s something in that moment that speaks volumes about the experiences of people of color in America.

The same is true for so many other moments. The black characters Chris meets at the Armitages’ have all symbolically given up their identities and conformed to white culture; when Chris meets one character, he turns out to be going under a new name, with new clothes and new mannerisms; when Chris offers him a fist bump, he tries to shake Chris’s fist. Again, within the story, there’s an explanation for all this, but every moment here is also about assimilation and culture differences. 

For me as a white audience member, all of these moments did something remarkable: They showed me my own culture—a culture I’m often blissfully unaware of because it’s all around me—as something alien. They reminded me that I, too, have a culture, and that expecting everyone else to assimilate to my culture is just as much an erasing of their identities as it would be to expect me to assimilate to someone else’s culture.

And that’s a big part of what Get Out is about—the erasing of identities, and the power of racism to destroy people. I think it’s really significant that racism is portrayed here very differently from how it’s normally portrayed in movies written by white people. In most Hollywood movies, you know a character is racist because they shout racial epithets or make blatant statements about a certain race’s inferiority. That allows white audiences to say, “I would never do/say that, so I’m not racist!” We really don’t want to think we are.

But notice something important about Get Out’s treatment of racism: This is a film about the literal enslavement of black people—racism doesn’t get more extreme than that—and yet Peele doesn’t go for the obvious by having the white characters admit that they think black people are inferior; instead, they subjugate and dehumanize people by claiming to admire things about them. They turn them into fashion accessories. 

When Chris asks why only black people are being targeted for this procedure, the response is telling: It’s not (supposedly) because the white characters think African Americans are bad, but rather, because they like certain things about them and they want “a change” for themselves. They want to become black—it’s trendy, we’re told!—but without having had any of the actual life experiences or history of African Americans. White people need to see this: to experience the ways in which Chris is othered by people who tell him all the things they like about him—isn’t he strong? Look at those muscles! Does he play golf like Tiger Woods? And he must be well-endowed and have such sexual prowess, right, Rose?

The white people in the audience need to be reminded that just because you’re saying positive things about someone doesn’t mean you’re not being racist, that turning someone into an exotic “other” may not be the same as shouting an epithet, but it’s still taking away someone’s identity and treating them as a commodity.

The film is filled with these kinds of moments. When we realize that Rose’s white grandmother has inhabited the body of Georgina, the fact that she keeps touching her own hair and admiring herself in the mirror takes on a whole new level of significance. (White people, please don’t ask to touch your black friends’ hair.) When Chris connects with a dying deer on the side of the road and later sees a deer head mounted on the wall at the Armitages’ estate, the symbolism is hard to miss. Black people are being turned into trophies in this house. And, oh yeah, they’re being literally auctioned off—as they were in real life in the not-too-distant past.

One day, I’d like to see the film again to pick up on all the ways things read differently the second time through. I noticed several things in retrospect that gain new significance once you know the ending, and I’m sure there’s a lot I didn’t notice. For example, Rose’s dad says he hired Walter and Georgina to care for his parents, and when his parents died, “I couldn’t bear to let them go.” The first time you see the film, it sounds like the “them” is Walter and Georgina. But in retrospect, it’s clear the “them” he couldn’t bear to let go was his parents, so he sacrificed Walter and Georgina for them. Which, again, is an example of how the supposed care of the white characters for the black characters (his care for Walter and Georgina, Rose’s care for Chris) is really all about caring for themselves and treating the black characters as completely interchangeable objects.

The message of the film isn’t simply that the black characters are “good” and the white characters are “bad.” There are presumably—hopefully—many good white people in the world of this film, and many others who wouldn’t do what the Armitages are doing but also probably wouldn’t believe Chris or make the effort to stop it. Peele’s mother and wife are both white, so he’s clearly not trying to paint all white people as villains. 

But I admit, as a white guy, I really, really wanted Rose to be good. I’ve been the white person in an interracial relationship introducing my black boyfriend to my family. I’ve been that. So I related to Rose, and I really wanted to believe that she was well-intentioned and just oblivious; even though she misses the mark on several occasions, there are times that she seems like she gets it and she really does listen to Chris. When a cop asks to see Chris’s ID early in the film even though he wasn’t driving, Rose stands up against the obvious racism, showing us all what it looks like for white people to do the right thing. “That was hot,” Chris says to her later, and I thought, yeah, that’s who I want to be.

So I have to admit, it was really upsetting to me to see Rose, the only good white character left in the film, turn out to be evil. But I realized that part of that is that I really wanted her to represent me, and that’s really the point. Just think how often horror films have only one black character who dies early on, and how many films of all genres have no significant black characters for audience members to look up to or identify with. I think it’s really important for white audiences to experience that.

As I’ve reflected on the film, it seems to me like there are three kinds of popular movies about people of color. There are those that feature POC characters that are essentially indistinguishable from the white characters—as if they just decided to cast Morgan Freeman instead of Tom Hanks without giving any thought to the character’s race. Then there are the movies that deal with racism, but in a way that allows white people to feel good about ourselves, because we’re not like the characters in the film. (This is especially true for movies about racism in the past; some of them are very important films, like Hidden Figures, which I loved, but we need to be aware that it’s still easy for white America to treat it as a feel-good film and think that we’re off the hook because we no longer have separate restrooms.) And finally, there are movies that focus more directly on the lives of people of color but tend to draw largely audiences of color; not many white people go see them, because we think they’re not “for us” (even though we assume films about white people are for everyone).

Get Out isn’t any of those. It’s drawing a broad audience but it’s not afraid to make white people uncomfortable. And if you can give me, a white guy, a chance to have even a momentary fraction of an experience of the real-life, modern-day, casual racism facing people of color in America, I think that’s a very good thing.

anonymous asked:

Ooh in that case a 10 times sex went hilariously wrong list??

top 10 times things went wrong during sex!!

Could you do a Top 10 With the FUN STORIES ABOUT THINGS GOING WRONG DURING SEX? This is from the ASK about Yuuri more silly and confident.

You mentioned “amusing ‘things going wrong during sex’ stories” and now I’m wondering if that could be made into a top ten list? (≧∇≦)

Top ten ‘things going wrong during sex’ stories!!!!!!

 Since you mentioned it in a previous ask, would you mind doing a top 10 things going wrong and / or funny things which happened during Victor and Yuuri having sex? :P

 The Top 10 ‘things going wrong during sex’ stories should definitely be a thing, but i’m not going to press you to write more (even if not explicit) sex scenes. But it would be and absolutely hilarious topic (and it would be definitely be commented in some drunk-ish after party, just let it on Chris hands). 

————–

wow, you guys really wanted this one so I bumped it to the top of the queue! 

————–



Top 10 Times Things Went Wrong During Sex:

10) One time they were in a single bed and Yuuri was riding Viktor but halfway through Viktor decided to flip them over so that he was on top. The only problem was that he was used to having a king-sized bed and so instead of rolling them over he just dumped them both on the floor instead. It took Yuuri five full minutes to stop laughing

9) In reference to one of my previous top tens, during their first visit to Yuuri’s parents Yuuri refused to have sex at all in his parent’s house surrounded by his family. And Viktor totally respected that but after two weeks of blue balls he and Yuuri were taking Vicchan and Makkachin for a walk on the beach and he basically jumped Yuuri, who was very down with that idea. Which was great in the moment but afterwards Yuuri kept giving him death glares like ‘I have sand in my clothes, I have sand in my hair I have sand in places where sand is never supposed to be’.

8) During their second visit to the onsen, Yuuri refused to have sex in the onsen itself but Viktor did manage to convince Yuuri to let Viktor give him a blowjob after they got out of the water. But since they had just spent a really long time in very hot water and most of Yuuri’s blood was…not in his head, he ended up fainting at a really not opportune moment. Viktor freaked out and was terrified that Yuuri was seriously hurt but he woke up after a couple of seconds and Mari just stuck a cold cloth on his head, told him to suck it up and smirked at them both because Yuuri had been using the hot springs since he was a kid so she knew their story about him fainting from it just being too hot was complete bullshit.

7) Once they were being pretty athletic and adventurous which was going great until Viktor accidentally pulled a muscle and Yuuri teased him mercilessly about being an old man who couldn’t keep up with his athlete boyfriend anymore. The main problem came when Viktor had to explain to people at the rink how he pulled a muscle because neither of them wanted to tell the truth. Everyone figured it out anyway.

6) Once Viktor forgot to lock the bedroom door and Makkachin jumped onto the bed between them mid sex. They both screamed and jumped apart and it completely ruined the mood and then they couldn’t bring themselves to push Makkachin off the bed and lock him out again to continue because he looked too happy.

5) There was a time when Viktor convinced Yuuri to try being blindfolded which Yuuri decided to try out. But they didn’t bet on Yuuri being really jumpy without his vision and prone to startling so at one point Viktor leant down to give him a blowjob without warning him first and he jerked on instinct and accidentally kicked Viktor in the face. It took them about 10 minutes to stop the nosebleed but they were able to laugh about it afterwards once Yuuri stopped panicking.

4) They were once in the shower together and Viktor decided to try and pick Yuuri up like in chapter 13. Except he didn’t account for the fact that it is a lot harder to pick someone up in the shower surrounded by water and so he slipped, dropped Yuuri and broke their shower rack by grabbing onto it to try and stay upright.

3) Yuuri really likes pulling Viktor’s hair during sex and Viktor really likes getting his hair pulled during sex. But one time Yuuri pulled a bit too hard and accidentally yanked some of Viktor’s hair out. It was only a few strands and didn’t actually hurt that much but they then had to stop because Yuuri needed to comfort an inconsolable Viktor over the fact that he thought that he was losing his hair.

2) At the start of their relationship Viktor did a lot of the dirty talk which they’re both really into. But he was really keen for Yuuri to try it too. But Yuuri wasn’t that confident at the beginning and he could never think about what to say and felt really awkward so he was never confident enough to do it. So one day during sex Viktor suggested that Yuuri try dirty talking in Japanese to see if he felt more comfortable doing it that way (and because Viktor has a very badly hidden language kink). But Yuuri kind of panicked and just blurted out the first thing that came into his mind which was ‘I love katsudon’. Viktor didn’t speak fluent Japanese but he still recognised the word Katsudon and so they had to stop because he was laughing too hard to continue. He managed to convince Yuuri that it was actually pretty hilarious after a while of Yuuri being mortified and it became a private joke between them.

1) At one point Yuuri started to get a bit more open and comfortable with asking to try out new things with Viktor, who is ecstatic about it. One of the things he suggested was trying out handcuffs but he got really embarrassed and just bought the first cheap pair that he could find. Everything went fine until after they were finished when it turned out that the locking mechanism had jammed which meant that neither the key nor the emergency switch worked. So Viktor was stuck handcuffed to the bed and they were both way too embarrassed to call anyone for help. They eventually managed to get them off and laughed about it once it was over. Later Viktor bought Yuuri some high quality handcuffs as a present and made him promise never to use cheap sex toys again.

Yuri on Ice 2017/02/11 all night event report

I’m back from the event and I’ll write a report before going to sleep, mostly because I’m sure I will not be able to decipher my scribbles when I wake up… It’s not the full talk show since you can’t record it and also I couldn’t possibly write down everything, but I tried to take note of most things, especially stuff that has never been mentioned elsewhere. In the end it became quite long so I guess I was able to get most of the stuff down…

Needless to say it’s my notes, so other people might write about parts I omitted, etc. To be honest quite a few of the things they said especially in the beginning, like what the seiyuu think about their characters, is something I’ve read so many times in interviews that I could almost answer in their place, lol… I was a bit disappointed that one of the questions that was answered is the one about Chris’ mysterious acquaintance, because actually Kubo answered that in Pash already (it’s in the Q&A part I’ll be translating later), and I hoped they would feature questions about stuff that hasn’t been explained yet. Well I guess not everybody reads interviews, but still…

Due to the format of the report you can find my comments here and there, mostly in brackets.
Under the cut because it’s long.

I forgot to mention something important: the ones participating in the talk show were Mitsurou Kubo, Toshiyuki Toyonaga (Yuuri), Junichi Suwabe (Victor), Kouki Uchiyama (Yurio).

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anonymous asked:

Hey so you prob have v v many prompts but like I would love to suggest one.. Okay so, Dan is a very confident slutty pastel teenager and Phil is a badass punk boy that everyone fawns over.. and they absolutely hate each other but one thing leads to another and they end up at the same party where Phil is dared to fuck Dan in front of everyone.. (LOTS OF DEGRATION, and dom Phil and sub dan)

a 👌 classic 👌👌

*small mention of rape*

dirty talk + degrading + lots of language idk it’s one am

-

“You look like a slut.” PJ handed Dan a drink, leaning against the counter next to him, raising his eyebrows.

“Thanks, that was the point.” Dan winked, hiking up his already far too short baby blue shorts. PJ rolled his eyes.

“You’re gonna get raped.”

“Um, excuse me, I can take care of myself.” Dan took a sip from the red plastic cup, frowning. “I haven’t gotten raped yet, have I?”

PJ shook his head, staring at Dan like he didn’t understand him one bit. “I just don’t get why you want to look like you strip for truckers.”

Dan pursed his lips, shifting his pink sweater so it hung on him perfectly, showing just the right amount of collarbone. He smirked.

“That’s probably because you’re a virgin, honey.”

PJ pretended to flinch, shaking his head. “Ouch. That was harsh.”

Dan just shrugged, licking his lips.

“Hey Dan,” PJ started, his eyes lighting up as he stared at something across the room. “Your boyfriend’s here.”

“Shit,” Dan groaned, not even having to look, but he did anyways.

Phil Lester had just entered the room, fully clad in black and far too many zippers.

He was wearing a black leather jacket and t shirt, his jeans the same shade, what a surprise. On his feet were large motorcycle boots. Dan scowled.

He had about five people practically hanging off his arms, Dan hated him.

“He thinks he’s so hot,” Dan grumbled, glaring at his cup. “He thinks he can get anyone he fucking wants, what a twat.”

“Aw,” PJ grinned. “Dan’s got a crush.”

“Fuck you,” Dan growled, punching him on the arm, hard. “I’m as close to having a crush on him as I am to fucking him.”

“Dan, you’re literally the sluttiest person I have ever met.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I’ll fuck almost anyone BUT him.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. Positive.”

~~~

Dan raised his eyebrows, amused. “No. You’re drunk.”

“C'mon Dan,” his friend Chris whined, tugging at his sleeve. “It’ll be fun!”

“No, it won’t.” Dan pulled his hand away. “It’ll be a lot of drunk guys daring me to jerk them. I’m not playing.”

Chris sighed, crossing his arms. “Dan, I hate to do this, but if you don’t come I’ll tell everyone that you hooked up with Mr. Parker over the summer.”

Dan’s eyes widened, and he glared at him. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would.” Chris smirked. Dan scowled at his friend.

“Fine. Fuck you, fine. Let’s get this over with.”

The game of truth or dare was happening in one of the bedrooms; Dan was fairly certain it belonged to the kid’s parents. It consisted of a bunch of drunk sweaty teens that had formed a circle, passing around risky orders and questions in excited whispers.

Dan sat down between Chris and PJ, running his fingers through his hair. He shot a glare at Phil across the circle, who was staring at him.

The first ten minutes were normal. The other kids basically ignored Dan, focusing on one person after another. They seemed to change their focus often; singling out one poor soul after another. Soon the focus was on Phil.

“If you had to fuck anyone in this group, who would it be?” Some guy asked Phil, and Dan looked up, for some reason interested to hear the answer.

Phil smirked, glancing around at everyone before his eyes landed on Dan. He laughed.

“Probably not him,” he said, grinning cockily. “I wouldn’t want to catch anything.”

Dan felt a pang shoot through his chest, and he crossed his arms.

“Fuck you, Lester. At least I don’t have to wear animal skin to look bad ass,” he shot back. Phil glared at him.

The rest of the group fell fairly silent, and Dan was highly aware of everyone’s eyes on them. Finally Chris spoke.

“Okay but, you guys should fuck.”

There was some mutual agreement, and Dan’s eyes widened.

“What? Why!”

“Yeah, no, for once I agree with you. Hell no.” Phil shook his head, looking shocked.

“With a few more drinks, you two will be all over each other.” A boy, Dan thought he remembered his name was Charlie and that he was the kid this house belonged to, said, taking a swig of his beer. There was some nodding from the other people.

“That’s not true,” Dan mumbled, crossing his arms.

“Alright, is no one going to say it?” Chris glanced around the circle. “Fine, I will. I dare you two to kiss.”

“Fuck no,” Dan said immediately, before Phil could even respond. “I’m not doing that.”

“Dan, don’t be a pussy,” Phil growled in a voice Dan was fairly certain he had never heard from him before. “It’s a dare.”

“You’re seriously agreeing to this?” Dan scoffed. Phil shrugged.

“Well, I’m not scared of a little dare.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Dan mumbled, sighing and moving closer to him, on his knees. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”

Phil smirked, leaning forward and pulling Dan forward by his shirt so he was practically sitting in his lap. Dan hardly had time to react, let alone speak, before Phil was pressing their lips together. Dan just let it happen; it only lasted a second before Phil was pulling back and it was over.

“No no no,” Chris said, grinning. “That doesn’t count. You have to really kiss, for at least ten seconds.”

“Seriously?” Dan asked, and his friend just shrugged. Phil mumbled something under his breath, tangling his fingers in Dan’s hair and tugging him back roughly.

This time Phil kissed him open mouthed, their lips clashing and sliding together. Dan was highly aware of Phil’s tongue invading his mouth, and he fought back with his own.

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck, kissing him deeper and clutching at his shirt, so lost in the feeling that he didn’t hear Chris shouting that their time was up.

Finally Dan pulled back, mostly because he needed to breathe, and frowned when he realized everyone was staring at him. Including Phil.

Everyone was quiet, mostly in shock, until a boy in the back spoke up.

“I dare you to ride him,” he said, grinning drunkly.

Dan and Phil made eye contact, and Phil smirked.

“Well?” He asked cockily.

“You’re really putting this up to me?”

Phil nodded slowly, licking his lips and tangling his fingers in Dan’s hair, tugging his head back roughly. “Well, Dan? Are you too scared?”

“I’m not scared,” Dan breathed, frowning at him.

“Well then prove it, pretty boy.”

Dan gasped as Phil bit down on his neck, sucking thoroughly on a spot under his ear. It felt completely wrong to have the guy he absolutely despised leaving marks on his neck, but kind of fucking sexy in a way. Or maybe that was the alcohol talking.

Dan felt himself tense up as Phil slid his hand down his stomach, brushing the hem of his shorts.

“Couldn’t we use a different room or something?” Dan asked, grabbing Phil’s wrists instinctively.

“No,” said the boy from before, quickly. “We won’t have any proof you did it.”

“You thirsty fucker,” Dan hissed at him as Phil played with his zipper.

Phil hummed against his neck as he pushed down his shorts, and Dan let him. None of them would remember this in the morning, and most of them had seen Dan naked anyways.

“I bet you love this,” he whispered, biting down on Dan’s ear, scratching his nails down Dan’s thighs. “You’re such a fucking slut, I bet you love being exposed like this.”

“Says the guy who’s erection is digging into my back,” Dan shot back, and Phil shrugged.

“So? I’m turned on. At least I admit it.”

Dan jumped slightly as Phil brushed over his bulge, and Phil chuckled.

“I hate you,” Dan breathed as Phil palmed him, drawing a whine from Dan’s mouth.

“Mmh, doesn’t sound that way.”

Dan felt Phil messing with his own jeans, pushing them down his hips.

“Do you know how many people would love to be in your place right now, you ungrateful slut?”

Dan smirked. “Yeah, just about every thirteen year old girl in our school.”

Phil pulled Dan’s hair roughly, exposing his throat, and Dan couldn’t help letting a whimper escape him.

“You don’t get to speak to me that way,” he growled, and Dan could feel his hard on grinding against his ass. “Understand?”

Dan couldn’t help but moan, grinding back on Phil’s lap. “Yes sir,” he gasped.

Phil put his fingers to Dan’s mouth, and Dan took them obediently. He carefully covered them with spit before Phil pulled them out.

“I figure you don’t need stretching,” Phil muttered, smirking meanly. Dan just nodded, unable to think of a snarky comeback in that exact moment.

Dan felt Phil lining up, and then gripping his waist.

“Push back,” he breathed, pulling Dan back on his lap slightly. Dan moaned, pushing back on Phil’s cock completely.

He grinded back slowly, his eyes closed and whorish moans falling from his mouth nonstop.

“That’s it, baby, moan like a dirty fucking slut for me,” Phil groaned, biting down on Dan’s neck. “Such a good fucktoy, that’s it.”

Dan whined, letting out little gasps and “ah ah ah”’s as he bounced and grinded expertly, fucking himself on Phil’s dick. They seemed to have both forgotten anyone else was in the room, except for a faint prickle on Dan’s neck, the feeling of being watched, which was honestly turning him on even more.

Phil grabbed Dan’s wrists, pinning them behind his back and thrusting up into him roughly.

“Think you can cum without me touching you?” He asked huskily. “Because, that would be really fucking hot.”

Dan nodded almost immediately, speeding up his movements with a loud whimper.

“Fuck, daddy,” he gasped, and Phil practically growled.

“What a pretty toy, acting like such a slut for me, in front of all these people,” he whispered, meeting Dan’s hips with his own. “Everyone’s watching you, Dan, watching you call me daddy and fuck yourself on my cock. I bet you fucking love it, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Dan whimpered. “Yes, daddy, god yes, l-love it.”

“Good boy.” Phil pulled Dan’s head back on his shoulder. “Now cum for me, princess.”

Dan let go with a loud continuous feminine moan, his hips twitching as he thrust forward automatically. Phil groaned, burying his face in Dan’s neck as he let go inside of him.

Dan slumped onto the carpet, completely fucked out, his eyes still closed.

“Jesus,” he breathed.

Phil was suddenly very aware of all of the people staring at them, and laughed.

“Hey, Charlie, I can use your shower right?”

The boy nodded slowly, still shocked into silence.

“Cool.” Phil grinned, scooping Dan up bridal style in one motion and standing carefully. “Uh, if you hear noises from the bathroom, you probably have rats and it’s totally not a second round.”

Haven Craft’s Tips for Beginner Witches, Part One

Tips for Beginner Witches

Let’s start with this – I am not the witch Pope. I cannot speak for the witchcraft community as a whole; only for my own tradition.

5 Things I Believe Beginner Witches Should Ask Themselves

Note that the answers to these things will change, but that a firm grasp of the answers at any point in your practice may be helpful to you. I recommend actually writing your answers down, and every now and again check back and see if your stance has shifted.

1. Is magick real?

If yes, then what do you mean when you say, “Magick is real”. (Do you mean that you can effect reality with your will, intent, and energy? Do you mean like, Harry Potter real? What will disappoint you to realize might not be probable? What will inspire you to realize you can accomplish?)

2. Where are your lines? (What do you firmly believe is true/false, right/wrong? Violence, doing harm, controlling others, etc. Would you punch someone if they threatened a friend? Would you curse someone if they threatened a friend? What would you do, if your coven head told you it was right but you felt it was wrong?)

3. What are you looking for in a magickal path? (Pro Tip – no one has all the answers and there is no one right way.)

4. What are you prepared to do in order to accomplish your goals? (How many spoons do you have to give this practice? Can you devote one night a week, are you going to randomly pick stuff up on Tumblr, are you going to leave society to pursue your studies under a waterfall, etc.)


I recommend that no one make any oaths or vows in their first year of practice. Get to know yourself, how you feel about magick, and what you actually want to do before you do any big commitments. (Historic anecdote – this is what the original year and a day was for.) More strident, but still personal, recommendation: if someone tries to get you to oath to them within your first week of being a witch, run.


Things People Should Tell Beginner Witches, But Often Don’t

1. Don’t be afraid to change your mind.

2. Don’t throw good energy after bad by continuing to do something that isn’t right for you.

3. Don’t be afraid to continue your education, even if that means learning something that was right for you before is no longer right for you.

4. There is no one right way to do this. There is no Witch Pope - there is no dogmatic enforcement of the path to being a witch.

5. There are absolutely as many assholes in Paganism and witchcraft as there are anywhere else. Don’t think that these people are all spiritually enlightened beings who mean you well and who will give good advice.

6. Yahoo Answers is not your friend. You have the internet – which has access to both all of human information and all of human misinformation. Look for credible sources. Anything that seems too easy or too good to be true probably is. Work on critical thinking.

7. Try Scholar.Google.Com over “this article says so on Patheos.com.” Seriously, recently an article on there claimed Friday the 13th was a sacred holiday in goddess centered pre-Christian Paganism before the patriarchy ruined it. There is no historical validation for that, but a bunch of witches reblogged it. (Things you learn from scholarly sources rather than the latest poorly edited Llewellyn mess: the Burning Times didn’t happen, different kinds of Pagans warred amongst themselves long before Christianity came onto the scene, there was no great unified Pagan religion before Christianity, and Gerald Gardner was probably lying about almost everything he said.)


You Should Probably Learn the Difference Between Paganism, Wicca, and Witchcraft

What is Paganism?

Pagan is an umbrella term for a member of a religious, spiritual, or cultural community, other than those of the main world religions, so:

Non-Abrahamic – it is not Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, or Mormon

Non-Eastern – it is not Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Sufism, or Sikhism

Theistic – The belief in some kind of divine power, which is sometimes polytheistic (a belief in more than one god), but not always

Some Pagans practice witchcraft – others do not.

This definition isn’t quite right, though it’s in hugely common usage, because there are Abrahamic and Eastern persons who consider themselves Pagan. Keep in mind that there will be exceptions to this definition and that those exceptions are valid.

There are also secular Pagans, so it isn’t even always Theistic. I know – it’s complicated. Though this is the largely accepted Academic definition, it doesn’t really work when applied to the real world, if you’re considering someone saying, “I’m Pagan” as a self-identifying definition, which I do. 

Wicca

Wicca is a religion. Most people consider Wicca as falling under the Paganism umbrella, although not all Pagans are Wiccan. Not all Wiccans are witches, and not all witches are Wiccan.

Wiccan is generally defined as:

Dualistic – There is a God and a Goddess

Pacifistic – Wicca has a rede that requires Wiccan do no harm to themselves or others, though not all Wiccans (such as those who follow Doreen Valiente’s suggested guidelines) are Pacifistic, so there are definitely exceptions to this

Earth-based – Having a respect for and acknowledgment of the powers of the Earth

Witchcraft

The spiritual or secular art, craft, and/or practice of the witch, defined many ways by many different people.

A witch is a witch who says they are one.

Again, there is no witch Pope and no witchy excommunication because you define yourself as a witch differently than someone else does.

Yes, male identifying and/or presenting persons can be witches.


Pagan and Witch Fallacies

There are certain ideas that most beginners in the witchcraft community will encounter over and over again. I’m going to run down some things – with the reminder, again, that I can only speak for my personal tradition.

1. “You should remove all negative influences from your life! You should purge all negative feelings! Be positive all the time!” Not everything that is negative is bad. Not everything negative can be avoided – we can’t all just quit our jobs and live in a witch shack in the mountains. We have to endure negative things, both because it is healthier to experience the full range of human emotion rather than to ignore a large chunk of it, and because it isn’t possible. What we should do is stop victim blaming witches who are going through hard times and stop telling witches they can’t be angry when they encounter something that should be angering.

2. “But, tradition!” Just because an affluent white guy in the 1400-1600s said something, doesn’t mean you should do it. We don’t follow their medicinal advice anymore; we don’t have to follow their magickal advice either. Seriously, I don’t care if tradition says a trans woman shouldn’t be in a sky clad ritual – that’s bullshit. We don’t put leeches on our bodies anymore – let’s leave the past nonsense where it belongs.

3. “We have to make sure everyone feels included and welcome!” Not if they abuse the welcome of others, we do not. The problem with making some people feel included and welcome is that you make their victims feel excluded and unwelcome because you’ve made them unsafe.

4. “We have to support each other and love each other and be a positive force in people’s lives.” Okay, yes, in small doses, this is a great aim. It doesn’t work for everyone (some witches are spite and malice fueled and they are still witches), but okay, it’s a nice idea. Until it becomes ableist or demands free emotional labor from people, which it often does.

5. “We have to educate them!” Okay, it’s great that there is this effort in the community to educate others. But if you don’t have the spoons or if it seems like they’re using the demand for their own education as a way to still have access to a community they are abusing, then no, you have no obligation to put their education over your well being. None. They have access to Google (even if they have to go to a library to use it.)

6. “You have to earn your right to be a witch.” No, no you don’t. Seriously, though, from whom? Dusty white men in graves? A Llewellyn author who couldn’t fact check themselves out of a paper bag? Again – no witch Pope. I’m just gonna keep pointing out the lack of a witch Pope until people get it.

7. “You have to be ________ rank, degree, etc. to have an opinion on this topic.” Yeah, okay, I’ll be sure to wave my certificate in your face before having an opinion on my own tradition. No. Your opinion may be an uneducated one and you may be corrected for it, but that doesn’t mean that you didn’t have the right to it before you completed your O levels at Hogwarts.

8. As a corollary to above, “This is just my opinion and you can’t be mad at me for it!” People absolutely have a right to their opinions. And everyone else the right to decide those opinions make them an asshole.

9. “I’m super special and powerful because xyz, which means I get to tell you what to do.” People only get to tell you what to do if you let them. Sometimes, that’s an exchange we willingly make, but other times, people will feel they have the right to tell you what to do because they are a hereditary witch or because they’ve been practicing longer. Just remember – their position doesn’t trump your humanity and you don’t have to kiss the feet of someone who kicks you.

10. “The person really wants _____ from you, and you should help them on their path. Helping them on their path helps you on yours!” Just because someone wants something from you, doesn’t mean they get it. Being a witch doesn’t take away your right to say no.  


Please remember that you don’t have to earn your right to be here. This one is tricky on some level – to be the respected person in your community, you need to put in your time. However, in order to be part of a group you don’t need to give the High Priest a blow job (seriously, run).

You don’t have to earn admission to witchcraft, but you do have to earn specific positions and other people’s trust. If you teach people not to trust you through your actions, they won’t trust you.

NHL!Bitty, Pt. IV - RPF

@missweber requested NHL!Bitty dealing with Hockey RPF. This got a little longer than expected, with a side pairing of Jack/philly-cheesesteak. Takes place a few months into Bitty’s second season with the Schooners. 

Origin: From Samwell to SeattlePart I - Hug Check | Part II - Chirping | Part III - Post-Season




The most annoying thing is that for all of the ‘Jack/Parse’, ‘Jack/Tater’, ‘Jack/Sid’‘Jack/fucking-every-player-on-the-east-coast’ fic, there are a whopping SIX  ‘Jack/Eric’ fics on Ao3. Six.

On one hand, Eric’s proud they’ve hidden their relationship so well, on the other, Eric is insulted. But really, with their disappointing portmanteau of ‘Jeric’ or ‘Zittle’, it’s not surprising they’re horribly under-appreciated.

“I just wish my fans were more creative.”

Over Skype, Eric watches Jack plow through a Philly cheesesteak with no small measure of jealousy. He’s lonely and hungry, and his asshole boyfriend is doing this on purpose.

“You know,” Jack says, talking out of the side of his half-full mouth, “if you let the Schoons call you ‘Bitty’ our name could have been ‘Zimbits’. That’s kinda on you.”

Keep reading

sworn to the sword rewrite:

  • pearl is hesitant to train connie at first, because she is so young. connie insists
  • pearl turns out to be a kind, patient teacher who who starts it slow, and even goes overkill on the safety precautions. connie is annoyed and insists that she can handle serious training and lies that pearl is overestimating how fragile humans are. pearl believes this, since she doesnt know so much about how full humans work
  • steven quickly finds out that connie is pushing herself way too hard and hiding her physical pain from pearl. she tells steven to keep it secret or else the gems will look down on her. she blames herself for being “just a human” with none of the cool abilities steven has. steven understands bc he also often felt looked down upon for being weaker than the gems
  • the song is from connie’s point of view. pearl sings the training instructions; connie sings to herself about not being good enough. she’s the one that calls herself “just a human”, not pearl
  • steven doesnt know what to do. he goes to garn and ame for help. they freak out and tell him that pearl would want to know, that she’d be the most concerned of all of them because she personally knows what it’s like to push herself too hard
  • garnet describes how dangerously self sacrificing she was during the war and how long it took for pearl’s self-worth to recover. the backstory is shown not to say ‘oh wow poor pearl!!!’, or to say that poor mental health makes you hurt others. it’s shown to say that pearl knows what it’s like and wants connie to be safe.
  • steven rushes to tell pearl. she FREAKS and pulls connie aside to tell her how harmful that mindset is. that no one should see themselves solely as an asset to another. that she would never want connie to suffer how she did. and that pearl vowed to protect humans, not hurt them. 
  • there are still parallels between pearl/rose and steven/connie, but healthy ones. pearl says “rose never wanted me to do that to myself, and steven would never want that for you either.” not “oh hi im the Crazy Lesbian Stereotype and im harming you kids by being gay!! im gonna push my unhealthy lifestyle on you bc thats what we lesbians do!!”
  • pearls crush is still heavily alluded to, with pearl blushing while talking about rose and other lighthearted cute stuff. not “wow being gay made me hate myself! :)”
  • pearl gives a very explicit heavy moral about how those who love you also want you to love yourself. she then tells connie that she’ll only train her if connie is responsible and honest about her limits
  • there is no implication that pearl only is overprotective of steven bc he has rose’s gem, or that she sees him as her at all. it’s revealed through pearl’s delicacy with connie that she was overprotective of steven bc he’s half-human
  • maybe steven speaks up about feeling weaker than the gems. pearl says that he shouldn’t have to be physically strong, that she’s there to protect him. this resolves stevens earlier worries that she’s disappointed in how human he is, as shown in the healing tears ep.
  • the episode focuses on connie and her pain, not pearl
  • on that note..connie’s low self esteem wouldve been better established as being from bullying or w/e, not her strict parents, bc that plays into the tiger mom stereotype