but it was also really funny and so good; i loved it!

Oh my god, in last night’s Bob’s Burgers, Bob takes Gene to a laser light rock show at the planetarium (super important to Bob, because it was his favorite when he was a teenager, and this is the last night before they’re closing the exhibit because it’s old and no one goes anymore, also it’s Bob’s birthday), and Gene has no idea what he’s in for, but he gets pumped for it anyway ‘cause Bob’s so excited about it, and finally they get in there and they’re watching it, and Gene has a sensory overload and kinda starts freaking out ‘cause he can’t handle it, so Bob takes him out and they sit in the car for a bit.  Gene’s angry because Bob didn’t tell him it would be so loud and scary, so Bob offers to play the album for Gene at a normal volume, and Gene starts to enjoy it, so he reclines the seats, takes out the cigarette lighter, tells Gene to pretend it’s a laser, and starts drawing in the air, explaining the plot to him (it’s like a full on Pink Floyd or Rush-esque rock opera about a bunch of robot overlords telling rockers that they can’t play music anymore, and one Rebel rising against them).  Gene gets really into it and decides he wants to see the finale of the laser show (which Bob regards as a life-changing experience), so they sneak back into the planetarium (there’s no re-entry allowed) with a few tricks that parallel the story from the album, and watch the climax of the show together (Bob fashions some earplugs for Gene out of a napkin).  On the way home, Bob’s asking Gene how he liked it, and Gene says “I loved it!”, Bob asks him to speak louder ‘cause his ear’s are shot, and Gene yells, “I LOVED IT, DAD”.  Bob yells back “I love you too, Gene”.

I FUCKING!!! CAN’T!!! DEAL!!!! WITH HOW GOOD THIS SHOW IS!!! I know i don’t talk about Bob’s Burgers a lot but this show is flawless and charming and gross and funny all at the same time, the characters are written like people with actual fears and anxieties, and unlike a lot of comparable shows, the comedy doesn’t come from the family being pitted against each other, it’s always the family against the world… I love it, I love it, it’s so pure and refreshing and still somehow manages to be funny without sacrificing it’s heart, and I fuckin’ love it, please watch Bob’s Burgers holy CRAP okay I’m done.

Escape:  the residency years

Claire sat cross-legged on the bench outside of the hospital.  She was trying to decide if she should call Jamie or take the bus home after her appointment. Her OB-GYN had given her the all clear today.  

Six weeks.

Six weeks since she’d lost her daughter.  Six weeks since her body had survived a bloody nightmare.  

You can resume a normal life, her doctor had said.  

There was nothing normal about her life, except for the hospital.  Her life as a doctor was normal in that chaotic, hectic way.  

Her home life wasn’t normal.  Jamie was quiet, and distant.  Some nights she would see him at his drafting table gazing off, unfocused, his face a mix of sadness, and introspection.  Some nights she would get home from working late, and see him on the fire escape sipping from his tumbler of whisky.  He was a strong man, yet even he had his limits.  

She wasn’t normal.  She felt and looked different.  She was softer now.  Her mind, her body, her strength all so much softer than before.  Her stomach was far from the flat plane it once was.  Her mind was plagued by insecurities, what ifs and why me. 

You can resume a normal life.

It was time to reconnect.  Reconnect with her husband, with herself, and with her dreams.  

Claire unfolded herself from the bench, gathered her things, and began walking to the bus stop.  She was standing at the corner waiting for the light to change when the small shop caught her eye.  Normally she would walk past. That was for other women.  Life was no longer normal, so maybe a trip to that shop would be what she needed.  A suit of armor, so to speak.  

She crossed the street and pushed open the glass door.  


Jamie was waiting for her text.  He’d asked her to tell him what the doctor said, and she nodded absentmindedly.  He didn’t want to badger her, so he waited. He checked his phone obsessively, and fought against the impulse to call her and ask. By three o’clock he’d had enough of waiting.

“Gu ifrinn le e!” Jamie said, and started to pack up for the day.

 “Willie!” he shouted to the outer office.  

His assistant lifted his head.  “Aye, Jamie?”  

“We’re done for the day, mate.  Let’s go.  It’s Friday. We’re knocking off early.”


Jamie walked into the flat laden down with his computer bag, and two grocery sacks.  He bustled in banging into the door frame, his keys wound around a finger, and the post in his mouth.  

“Claire!” he said, and dropped the envelopes in surprise. He laboured over to the kitchen trying not to drop anything else.  “What are you doing home so early?”

“I could ask you the same thing?  And what’s all this?”  Claire got up from the sofa to check out what her husband had brought home. The floppy leaves of fresh leeks were sticking out from one of the brown bags, and in the other she could see the tiny spears from a bunch of asparagus peeking over its edge.

“Ach.  It’s been a long week.  Willie and I skived off early.  Also,” he said a little sheepishly, “I saw this dish on Instagram today and I wanted to try it.”  

“Jamie Oliver?” Claire laughed.  Ever since she started her residency Jamie had done the cooking, and once she got pregnant –

You can resume a normal life.

“Aye.”  Claire’s breath caught at his smile.  Jamie really did have the most beautiful smile.  “Risotto.”

“Oooooo!”  Claire started removing the foodstuffs.  

Jamie looked at this wife.  She was freshly showered, her curls drying around her face. She had on one of those wee dresses she found so comfortable, and that he found sexy.  He could see most of her legs, and the fabric clung to the curve of her bottom.

“Ye look beautiful, Claire.”  

She paused for a moment, and glanced up at her husband.  It was his voice that stopped her.  That mixture of wonder and awe that sometimes crept into it. She could see truth in his eyes.  After all he had witnessed, after all the ugliness, he still found her beautiful.  His compliment was a soothing balm to her mental wounds.  She walked around the counter, and placing her hands on the sides of his jaw, kissed him softly on the mouth.  

“Thank you.  Now go change.  I’m starving.”  


Dinner was amazing.  The risotto was delicious, and it did his heart good to hear Claire laugh as he tried to juggle the recipe on his phone and imitate Jamie Oliver while he cooked.  They’d had wine, and talked.  Claire told stories of people at the hospital that made him laugh until he ached.  He caught her up on the recent projects at the Distillery and showed her a couple of his newest designs.  

When he sat down on the couch with a beer and turned on one of his many recorded rugby games, she stole upstairs.

You can resume a normal life.

Jamie stretched his long legs out in front of him. He sipped from his beer, still content from dinner and the fact that Scotland was winning.  It took him a minute to register the shape at the top of the stairs.

“Jesus.  God.  Claire.”  He fumbled trying to put down the bottle without knocking it sideways.  He almost missed the table because he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her.

Her breasts were plump over the barest of lace cups.  He couldn’t tell from this distance but there was no way they covered her areolas.  The panties hugged her low on her hips.  Her hair was a riot of curls dancing over one shoulder, thick and full.  She smiled like the devil herself, twirling one curl around her index finger.  Well, if that wasn’t a damn metaphor for how he felt right now.      

Red.  She was wearing scarlet red lingerie.  

She set him afire.  

Mesmerized he walked slowly, one bare foot in front of the other, to the bottom of the stairs.  

“Holy Mother of God.”

Claire laughed out loud.

“What?  What did I say?  Are ye laughing at me?”  Jamie’s brain was completely addled.  

“Yes, I most certainly am!”  She couldn’t stop giggling.  

What had he said that was so funny?  

“You can call me Claire, darling,” she added, teasingly.

Jamie bit his lip.  Aye, she wasn’t exactly the image of an angel.  “Don’t make fun, Claire, or ye’ll get what ye deserve.”  

“Promise?”  The vixen turned, and walked away.  The scrap of lace from behind framed her bottom in such a way that her bare skin resembled the shape of a heart.  

He groaned and missed the first step, swearing as he stubbed a toe.  The sight of her bare arse swaying in front of him was too much.  He sprinted up the stairs two at a time.  

Their bedroom was dark, just the light from the hallway seeped through his first few steps into the room.  He moved to turn on a lamp but she stopped him.

“Please don’t.”  Claire stood by the foot of the bed, twisting her fingers.   She was nervous.  She had been offered so many opinions. Women telling her it would be different.  It would hurt.  Don’t expect too much.  

“What’s this, then?”  Jamie approached her cautiously.

She shrugged.  Her eyes begged him to acquiesce to her request.    

Jamie moved to the window and opened the curtains. The pale gray light of the streetlights coupled with the moon bathed her in a pearly glow.  She was luminescent.  Claire covered her tummy, just below her belly button.  Ah. So that’s how it is.  Jamie moved toward her slowly, linked his pinky fingers through hers and slowly drew her hands away from her body, and the flesh they covered.  One red striation snaked down the left side of her tummy.  Her belly button was droopy.  Jamie looked at his wife, and saw the insecurity in her eyes.  

“It’s ugly,” she whispered.  

You can resume a normal life.

“Aye,” Jamie whispered back.  “I ken a wee bit about scars, Sassenach.”  He let go of her hands, and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the side.  “I ken how they make ye look at yerself.”  He turned his back to her, and spoke over his shoulder.  “Because I once looked at myself, and felt ugly, too.”  

Claire made a small noise that made him turn around and face her once more, fingers tapping nervously on his thigh.  Claire needed his reassurance.  He would give her the same gift she gave him years before.

“I remember every minute, every second of that first time we made love.  Ye walked around me, and ran yer hands over my back.  I waited to see revulsion in yer expression, and when I looked at ye, weel, I saw lust.”  Jamie chuckled. “Ye’ve no idea how relieved I was because by then I was so turned on I couldna bear it if ye walked away.”  

Claire smiled at the memory.

He ran his index finger lightly down her stretch mark, and hooked it under the lace edge of her panty.  He heard her breath hitch.  He tugged at the fabric, just enough to knock her off balance so she had to take a step toward him.  He placed his big hands on either side of her, and slowly ran them over her hips and down her backside.  He cupped her, lifting her slightly.  Her face was close to his, her mouth a fraction away.  “Now kiss me, mo neighean donn, and let me show ye how beautiful ye are to me.”

Claire grabbed her husband’s shoulders, and hung on. He kissed her, pouring all of his love into that first meeting of their mouths.  She ran her hands over him, feeling his familiar scars.  The scars that made him Jamie, and no one else. This big man who was the gentlest of lovers when she needed him to be. 

Tonight, she needed him to take the lead.  She surrendered herself to him, let him turn her around in his arms and hold her against his chest.  Let him run his hands over her body, feeling the weight of her breasts as he kissed the side of her neck.  Let him slide a hand down over her soft stomach, and find the heat between her legs, making her feel warm, and sexy while he nipped at her lobes.

Jamie led her by the hand to their bed.  He slid off her panties, murmuring in Gaelic, his eyes hooded.  He worshiped her body, kissed every inch of her skin.  He ran his tongue down her stretch mark, and kissed her misshapen belly button.  He took her slender legs and placed them over his shoulders, making her writhe and buck, and finally shatter.  

Then, he stood and shucked his jeans.  Climbing onto the bed, he nestled himself between Claire’s thighs before she could catch her breath.  He balanced on his elbows, and kissed her again.  

He felt her tense beneath him.

Jamie pulled back and looked at her.  “What’s wrong, mo graidh?”  

“I’m scared,” she breathed.  “I’m scared it will be different for you.”

You can resume a normal life.

“Och, aye.  After 2 months without my wife, it’ll feel different right enough.  It’ll feel like Heaven.”  He bumped his nose against hers, waggling his eyebrows.  

Claire did not smile.  “They say,” she swallowed, rubbing the back of his neck. “They say after you give birth that it’s….it feels….looser, down there.  To a man.”

A Dhia, she was struggling. Jamie had no idea that Claire had all of these thoughts battling inside her head.  While he appreciated her honesty, she picked a fine time to reveal her anxieties, when he was fit to bursting.  He took a deep breath, and brushed her hair away from her face.  Laughing through dinner relaxed her.  Their banter on the stairs relaxed her.  He’d carry on with the humour.  

“Is this yer way of saying size matters, Sassenach?”  He teased her with the tip of himself.  “Are ye afraid ye’ll find me lacking?”

Claire grinned, and slapped his bottom.  “That is not what I meant, and you know it!”

Jamie took that moment, when her legs relaxed, to enter her.  She arched her back, and gasped.

“Can ye feel that?” he asked, breath hot against her neck.  “For I surely can.” He kissed her, licking her bottom lip.  “And it feels like I’m home.”

You can resume a normal life.

It did feel like home.  Jamie was right.  He was in her arms, and in her body, and it felt like it had a hundred times before.  It didn’t matter what she looked like, how many stretch marks she had.  Even the damn lingerie didn’t matter. This was right.  This was perfect.

In response Claire locked her legs around his back.  She shifted and settled him deeper between her thighs. Reaching up, she brought his head down for a scorching kiss that had him rocking instinctively.  She gave him all of herself and took nothing in return.  When Jamie shouted and stiffened above her she felt the joy of loving him fill her heart.


Jamie’s head was pressed against her neck as he tried to catch his breath.

“So, where did ye find this?”  He pulled at the strap of her bra.  

“At that lingerie shop near the hospital bus stop.  The doctor said I could ‘resume a normal life’ and I wasn’t sure I could without a bit of help.  A suit of armor, so to speak.” She ran a hand over his bicep.

“Christ, Sassenach.  Dinna show up to battle like that again.”  He dropped a kiss on her shoulder, and mumbled sleepily.  “My heart canna take it.”  

Claire woke up some time later to the sound of cheering. Slipping out of bed she stole downstairs to find the television still on, and Jamie’s beer warm on the table. She hit the button on the remote, and silence fell. She took his bottle to the sink, and turned off the lights.  

Darkness in the flat allowed her to look out the window at the lights of Edinburgh.  She could see the fire escape that mirrored their stairs inside. She had taken those outside steps, cautiously, years ago, not knowing where it would lead her.  Now, she was on the inside, having taken those steps towards love, marriage, medical school, and a family.     

As she climbed up on her way back to bed she laughed softly thinking of how Jamie had bolted up these stairs tonight at the sight of her.  Honestly, why had she worried so much?  Scars be damned. They didn’t change how she looked at him, how could she have been so shallow as to think hers would have mattered to him?  Resuming a normal life had made her think that how they had been living for the past six weeks was somehow abnormal.  Wrong. Flawed.

It wasn’t.  

They would carry their scars together.  The ones on their bodies, and the scar of losing Faith on their hearts.  Together.  Forward in life.  

She crawled into bed next to her husband,and stroked the russet coloured curls back from his forehead.  He smiled briefly, and her heart melted. Jamie was still Jamie.  They still found pleasure in each other’s bodies.  They still had the same dreams.

Everything was normal.  

Hey, it’s me again, subverting your favorite tropes,

So we all know Yuuri Katsuki would be the kind of person who wouldn’t tell you he didn’t like mushrooms and would let you feed him mushrooms three meals a day rather than actually let the words “I don’t like mushrooms” emerge from his mouth

Because Anxiety™ am I right folks

But here we can flip this on its head.

Yuuri loves mushrooms.

Mushrooms are Yuuri’s favorite part of any given dish, which is why he separates them out from the rest usually and eats them last. That’s some excellent fungus right there.

Along comes Viktor Nikiforov, he of the lust-inspiring good looks and astoundingly poor social intuition. He watches the Love of His Life pick the mushrooms meticulously out of his dish and says, “Are you going to eat those?”

Yuuri Katsuki is still in a state of complete and utter stupor at this point, because within the last week two discrete–not discreet, mind you, which they are the opposite of–Russians have arrived uninvited to his fucking house, ingratiated themselves to his family an are currently dismantling the very threads of his existence. One of these Russians is his longtime crush (who is currently occupying most of his time lounging around in a provocative manner all but holding a sign over his crotch that reads Reserved seat for Yuuri Katsuki but Yuuri is a little bit feelings-blind so he’s reading it as Look how beautiful and untouchable I am! If you stare at me too long I will literally scar you like the sun and also I CAN HEAR EVERY THOUGHT ABOUT ME YOU’VE HAD SINCE AGE TWELVE! I’M DISGUSTED!) and the other is the actual inspiration for the My Chemical Romance song Teenagers.

So Yuuri can’t quite be blamed for saying no when Viktor Nikiforov asks him if he’s going to eat his favorite part of the dish.

“I’ll take them, then,” Viktor says, and picks them off his plate.

HOW ROMANTIC, Viktor’s brain screams.

Thus begins Yuuri’s mushroomless existence. Viktor loves Yuuri and wants him to Be Happy Always, and so makes a point to ensure that a mushroom never even so much as winks at his fiance ever again. He doesn’t put them in food and always ensures that, if he’s ordering something for Yuuri, it’s without mushrooms. When a dish shows up with mushrooms in it, Viktor deftly picks them out.

“Excuse me, my husband does not like mushrooms,” Viktor says so often that it could be his catchphrase, or perhaps a nickname. Viktor “My Husband Does Not Like Mushrooms” Nikiforov.

This continues until they return to Hasetsu for a visit and Yuuri’s entire family watches as Viktor picks every mushroom off Yuuri’s plate.

It’s a dish with a lot of mushrooms in it.

“You must really like mushrooms,” Mari says to Viktor.

“Oh, not particularly,” Viktor says, picking away. “But Yuuri hates them, so.”

“Oh no,” Yuuri whispers.

“Um,” says Mari.

“That’s funny!” says Hiroko, smiling and leaning her head on her hand. “Yuuri used to love mushrooms! He stole them while I was chopping them.”

“Wow that’s weird,” Viktor says.

“Yeah,” Yuuri mumbles. “Haha, weird. Yeah, weird.”

Viktor slowly turns his head. His plate is now Mount Mushroom. “Kitten,” he says slowly.

“Ahhhh,” Yuuri whimpers.

“Do we need to have that conversation about communication again?” Viktor asks.

“AHHHHH.” Yuuri attempts to crawl under the table.

The answer, for the record, is yes. They’ve had this conversation fourteen times since Barcelona.

“Why am I like this,” Yuuri whispers to himself later that night. Viktor kisses his shoulder and, when they get back to Russia, makes him a pot of Stroganoff that is roughly 89% mushrooms.

why i ship minjoon and you should too

homegirl effie back again with those rarepairs and aggressive bullet point lists

  • first of all jimin and namjoon have very similar hard working and level headed personalities

Originally posted by minjooninlove

  • of the two, jimin is more outgoing and open with his emotions, and he’s always there to support namjoon

Originally posted by jiminiminii

  • jimin understands namjoon’s shyness and he’s good at getting him out of his shell in interviews and whatever?? like he’ll comfortably tease or cuddle up to him and you can see how namjoon loosens up
  • n then he laughs at namjoons suffering
  • ok n below like this lil shit joking about tae hating joon lol AND THAT LAUGHTER HES SUCH A PLAYFUL BRAT

Originally posted by yoongichii

  • a mean lil koala !!!! love

Originally posted by eyesmiletrash

Originally posted by chimchiminie13

  • they are dorks together rip me
  • namjoon is really intelligent and passionate about music and jimin admires that about him and that’s why he asks his advice on lyrics and all that aka for Tony Montana
  • JOON LITERALLY LOVES JIMIN OK LIKE HES ALWAYS SQUEALING OVER HOW CUTE HE IS AND NAMJOON HAS THE MOST COMFORTABLE SKINSHIP WITH HIM

Originally posted by mnnsuga

  • FUCK THIS IS SO CUTE
  • *punches wall* IM NOT cryING 
  • *chokes back tears*

Originally posted by officerjenissi

Originally posted by jimin4everyone

  • Jimin is insecure and needs validation and namjoon is always the person remembering to compliment jimin and remark on how handsome he is and how important he is to bts

Originally posted by jitonic

  • WHEN THEY LAUGH OR SOMETHING EXCITING HAPPENS THEY ALWAYS FALL INTO EACH OTHERS ARMS?!??!?

Originally posted by joonjuly

  • so FUCKING cute !!!!!!! ugh!!
  • JUST IN GENERAL namjoon just naturally gravitates towards jimin?!?!

Originally posted by taegied

  • wow LOOKS LIKE BOYFRIENDS TO ME!
  • also joon loves making jimin laugh!??!?! HE LOVES TAKING CARE OF HIS BB !!!!! 
  • LASTLY DRUM ROLL PLEASE
  • THEY EXCHANGED “I LOVE YOU”’S WHILE WATCHING FIREWORKS


please love them because they fr love each other

I'm sure they know.

I’m sure Sean knows he’s a wonderful inspiration and and the cutest green bean ever, he’s been on the internet and popular for a while. He’s heard it before.

Same goes for Mark. I’m sure he knows we know that he is so damn impressive and smart in everything he does, he’s heard it before.

And surely Felix, by now, knows that his audience is there for a reason, and that he’s got a good head on his shoulders.

Ethan must know that he’s wonderful and can do almost anything at 20, and we support him through that.

I’m sure they’ve been reassured that they’re beautiful, too. Hell we make art of them daily.

They know.

But does Tyler know HE was the actively saving my life? Not Mark? That he is a walking miracle of a human in the way he acts, and WE KNOW IT.

Does Robin know that when some of us see a really funny part in a JSE video, a close up or a few pop up things. We think of that funny Swedish dude that we barely see but god we love him. (Additionally hes so impressive? Like??? Antisepticeye is part jack but also a HUGE part Robin go dude)

Does Katherine know, as the resident brown haired woman with glasses in teamiplier that she makes me accept myself as the brown haired girl with glasses because she is so damn beautiful

Does AMY know, that she is so passionate about what she loves and that drives some of us everyday. I want to be like Amy Nelson! And FUCK NO, when I say that I do not mean I want to date Mark. I want to be loving, passionate, and talented. And she’s a fucking good inspiration. (Even though she has a channel, still saying this, because it’s true and it might not have reached her yet)

Does Signé know she makes some of us feel not so alone anymore? That woman dealt with depression and anxiety and still deals with some today. She’s creative, she’s wonderful, she’s beautiful and when I say I want to be like Signe Hansen I don’t mean Sean’s girlfriend because I want to be creative and I want to fight off my depression and I am, with her help. (Even though she has a channel, I’m still saying this)

Gods sake, does MARZIA KNOW she is a sweetheart and smart and talented and not just Felix’s girlfriend because just a little scroll through the comments on her channel saying she’s using him for views makes me sorta insulted. Marzia is loving, and sweet and beautiful and when I say I want to be like Marzia Bisognin I don’t mean Felix’s girlfriend I mean a kind, loving and sweet woman with an impeccable fashion sense. Do all these people get left slightly behind and never told this, only getting indirect praise because it’s targeted at Mark? Or Sean? Or Ethan? Or Felix? I want Tyler, Robin, Katherine, Amy, Signe and Marzia to know they’re just as important as their friends/ significant others to some of us. Reblog with your own thoughts on these guys! Spread the love!

anonymous asked:

WHAT are you bestist favouriteist and longest klance fics or voltron fics that you can recommend

aaaa!!! ok so i have a really bad memory so i just picked out a few longish ones that i distinctly remember liking!!

so baby, pull me closer by redburn

this one is !! just amazing!! there’s a brief nsfw implied secition but i can overlook that bc the writing is beautiful, it the does enemies to friends to lovers trope and the pining trope justice.. it’s just really beautiful as a whole

nothing’s quite as sweet by dimpleforyourthoughts, thebrotherswinchester

ok. i have a lot of feelings about this fic. i read it in one sitting and it left me sOBBING and completely reevaluating my life, it was just.. so soft? aaa i don’t know how to describe it but it’s one of my favourites, anon.

Foreign Scenes by bwyn

this fic is completed now, but every time it updated i was… over the mOOn ok?? the chemistry between the characters is.. incredible.. it was just so fun and raw and wONDERFUL?? it made me want to write again !!!

The Hustle by morvish, sinelanguage

vvvvv good im !!!! listen, i’m going through my bookmarks and clicked on this one to refresh my memory and now i’m rereading the entire thing, so that should sTRONGLY indicate that it’s Good. read for Ultimate Pining

Baby, Take Me High by yeahyouresocool

soft pining at a carnival,,, do i have to say any more??? this fic made me really happy it was just?? so lovely?? at some points i had to stop reading for a few minutes and pull myself together jkfjg

First Day of My Life by eso (cazzy)

!!!! bed sharing !!! texting !!! i love tropey fics but i love them even more when they’re done well, and this one is just!! good content m’guys

Red is the Coldest Color by EnglishCivilWar

see,, i think i know what pining is and then this fic!!! just comes and blows it right out of the water!! i generally tend to read au fics more, but this is canon compliant and sO. GOOD. also as a sidenote i love the characters so much

it’s quite bizarre, and will remain this way by mayerwien for strikinglight

this is one of my favourites, partially because of the setting, partially because of the writing itself, and mostly because i loved the character portrayals. they were just.. teenagers!! they were complex and silly and i loved them!! there was something about this that just,, resonated with me. it was really, really lovely

i’m riding higher than the sky and there is fire in every kiss by nikkiRA

ok i think its obvious by now that i’m hopelessly in love with roommate aus so i’m not always objective about them, but i pROMISE,,, this one is is sPECIAL and fUNNY and !!!! read it!!

Better than coffee by peralta

another cafe au for the hell of it, and also because im love the pining so much, and keith here is !!! mY keith you know??? god fanfiction is amazing

Sweeter Than Pumpkin Pie by konekat for kenbrah (OliviaxxMarie)

i know i recommend this one a lot, but it’s just.. so soft and in character and makes me feel at ease ya know??

Location by inelasco

i either really love wormhole/start of s2 fics or i don’t, and i really loved this one. i love lance’s character being focused on, and this one does it so well.

i hope u like some of them!!!! (btw proofreading is for the weak im sorry for any mistakes!!!)

Sexting (Jimin smut)

Originally posted by minblush


Summary: On a lonely night, you decide to sign up for an anonymous sexting site. Of course you are matched with the notorious fuckboy you’re constantly trying to avoid. Park fucking Jimin.

Themes: Sexting, Fuckboy Jimin, College AU.

Pairing: You x Jimin

Word Count: 4k

This fic contains: Explicit and graphic depictions of smut, sex over the phone, swearing. 


ENTER USERNAME:

Cleopatra123

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Male/Female

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

I’d rather not say/enter here:

WHAT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?

Decent conversation/making friends/finding a language buddy/other

PLEASE INDICATE YOUR AGE PREFERANCE:

19-24

CLICK ‘CHAT’ TO BE MATCHED WITH A PARTNER!

YOU HAVE BEEN MATCHED WITH ‘THOR562’.

THOR562: 21 years old- Seoul, South Korea- also interested in ‘other’.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHAT?

Yes/No

YOU ARE NOW IN A CHAT WITH THOR562, ENJOY!


Keep reading

anonymous asked:

If you don't mind me asking, do you have any recommendations for Check, Please fanfic?? Like what are your favorite ones? Bitty and Jack are just so cute and every time I read a fic I just want to read more! Also, I love your blog so much. Your tags are always so funny 💛

I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me about this. 

Keep reading

Positive things about the signs:

(//These are based on people I know\ &based on sun signs)

Aries: are always so adorable, even when angry. They can be really reliable and down to earth people. May seem a bit cranky sometimes but they are still the cute little fluff on the inside. They are sometimes kind of impulsive and obsessive about things, but it just shows how determined they can be.

Taurus: loyal and people who you can rely on, who care more than people sometimes assume. They strive for peace and are good communicators. Tauruses are caring towards whom they love. They can also be very passionate once they find something that they enjoy to do.

Gemini: towards friends, they are real protective and kind. Very daring people, who are always fun to have around as they seem to love learning new things, and having new experiences. 

Cancer: interesting to have those long deep conversations with, because they are good listeners and can always relate. They are also very committed in life and with ambitions.

Leo: the wisest people I know, who know what they want in life, and are organised enough to get there. To me, they hold a mother-like figure and deeply care for all loved ones.

Virgo: moderately confident, they are very sociable and willing to sacrifice a lot for others. These people are quite bold and accepting, sometimes very crazy (especially as children) and organised. Plus they enjoy a little bit of change once in a while, which is good.

Libra: can bring people together, to me they hold this social power, however, they are considerate and generous. They are approachable, therefore always there to help you, or support you.

Scorpio: perceptive, I find that these people do not judge others that much. Probably most understanding, and funny people to generally hang with. Extremely magnetic and yes - charming to a high degree.

Sagittarius: hard-working and caring, Sagittariuses are also very charming, and sometimes I feel this goes unnoticed. These people are usually(however not all)risk-takers, and enjoy extreme sports or the outdoors.

Capricorn: funny, humorous people, who always know how to make you feel better. They always try their best and are born poets sometimes. Caps are also quite realistic yet very creative.

Aquarius: They don’t judge, and are always there to support you, truly caring for you. Furthermore, they never fail to bring your mood back up and are very individual. I love how independent and strong they are.

Pisces: Independent and talkative, these people are very gentle and nurturing. They are warm people who can be a bit impulsive yet are likely to be family oriented. Plus, they are really passionate and committed to things.

Rejected Badge Ideas

By Draco Malfoy, 4th year

I LOVE POTTER Too revealing

FUTURE MR. HARRY POTTER I said too revealing. Pull yourself together, Malfoy. Anyway, Potter will be taking my name.

POTTER IS THE CHAMPION OF MY HEART Clever, but also disgusting

I SUPPORT POTTER Wow, this is boring as fuck

POTTER IS FUCKING HOT True, but I don’t want him to think I only want him for his looks, you know?

I WISH POTTER WOULD SUCK MY COCK WOAH! Too needy!

SUCK MY COCK POTTER Better, but a touch demanding.

FUCK ME POTTER Also should consider that I will not be the only one wearing these buttons

FUCK YOU POTTER Funny! But actually, let’s leave fucking out of it. Wouldn’t want to deprive the first years of supporting Potter via button due to inappropriate language. Hmm, what else do I like about him…?

POTTER SMELLS LIKE EVERYTHING GOOD A bit of an exaggeration. I don’t want to seem too smitten. 

POTTER SMELLS GOOD True, but does a bland statement like this really deserve to grace a badge?

POTTER SMELLS LIKE QUIDDITCH Okay, now it’s too specific

POTTER SMELLS LIKE SWEAT I might be the only one who likes this smell? Does this make me weird?

(Pansy is looking. GO AWAY, BITCH!)

POTTER STINKS LIKE SWEAT Haha, right, Pansy??? He’s so gross, I hate him. This isn’t very catchy though. What about…

POTTER STINKS Short and sweet (just like Potter!!) (NOT!! lol jk Pansy! Obviously that was a joke. Potter is not sweet). Anywaaaaaay, let’s just go with this, shall we?

(from the universe created in this post)

dare :: zach dempsey

word count: 1635

warnings: lil bit of bryce the predator but mostly fluff and :)

a/n: this is my first time writing an imagine for Zach / 13 reasons why so !!!! I love ross butler !!!!!!!!!!!


“Y/N, come and join us!” You glanced over your shoulder, spotting the gang crowed into a circle in the sitting room but more specifically, you spotted Bryce who was waving you over.

You rolled your eyes, smiling slightly as you told Clay you’d be back after a round of whatever they were playing. He nodded, turning to Hannah to continue their conversation and you left to join the rest of your friends.

You ignored Bryce who was insisting you sit beside him but you had very little trust in that boy, so instead you sat in the empty space beside Zach.

But Bryce was a persistent little guy, unused to the dismissal of his efforts from a girl and so he shooed the guy on your other side and seated himself next to you.

You rolled your eyes, relaxing your head back against the sofa to which Zach released a bout of laughter. You smiled, resting your head against Zach’s shoulder as you watched your friends decide on a game.

Keep reading

What’s wrong with me?– Jeff Atkins x Reader

Request: Can I request a Jeff imagine me where he’s been asking you out for a while now and you always turn him down? So one day you hear him talking to clay about how it’s actually starting to hurt him a bit cuz what’s wrong wit him? And his jock buddies give him shit and tease him about which upsets him so you shock all of them by going up and kissing him which leads to a hot makeout and ask him on a date.

Words: 2703

Enjoy it!

Reader’s point of view.

Your name: submit What is this?

I smiled looking at myself through the rearview mirror. I loved when my mom had the day off, that meant I could get the car to school, save me the monotonous and disgusting bus rides. It isn’t as if my mother went out to have fun, her days off from work, she is doing yoga in front of the TV, it wasn’t too much that the “coach” was too attractive. I shivered and concentrated on the road, until that point I was already entering the Liberty High parking lot. The disadvantage of bringing the car is that I mistrusted and was late, something that wouldn’t happen if I were traveling in the yellow device. Now finding a parking lot would be a challenge.

After a full turn, I finally find a decent place, not so far but not so close to the door, perfect. Before maneuvering to enter that space, a car closed the way and got into MY place. I stepped on the brakes and glared at the bold.  I knew the car perfectly. Instead of staying there, I found another place to two cars away, from that to stay grumbling. Yes, I was too lucky.

“Are you serious, Atkins?” I raised my voice after getting out of the car and hanging my backpack over my shoulder.

Jeff was walking toward me with a big smile and fiddling with the keys of his carriage. Asshole.

“This becomes a danger zone every morning, Y/L, you would know if you brought your car every day”

“Funny”

I started to walk with him to my side. We were in the same course, connected in our first year, we were good friends, maybe I could even consider him my best friend, it’s not like I had many in high school. Most were either useless sportsmen, or just people who weren’t worth it.  He was taking me with a few, especially since Jeff was very close to them, almost entering his social circle. They were not bad guys, but somewhat immature for my taste. Sometimes they made me laugh.

“So I heard that this new movie will be on Saturday … Let’s go together?”

Yeah, we were good friends though Jeff was determined to change that. My friend was attractive, too much to admit, but my mind was somewhere else to focus on a boyfriend. In addition, our friendly relationship worked perfectly, we sometimes studied together, I was going to see him at his baseball games, and I even stayed after school with him and Clay for his tutorials. I could come and go as often as i wanted and he did that too. We were perfectly fine, why did we need a label? What if “being dating” didn’t work? All those years of friendship would go away. Just to think about my last months in this institute without the company of my best friend, to be avoiding it by the corridors and to meet us in uncomfortable looks, left me the sensation to be without air. No, I wouldn’t let him lose it for a silly etiquette.

“How on a date?” I remembered that I hadn’t answered him.

I turned to look at him and he smiled in embarrassment. Jeff Atkins was never embarrassed. He was the most honest and funny guy on the whole site. If I didn’t know Clay Jensen, I would sign with blood that Jeff was the only one. Everyone else behaved more like idiots.

“Yes?” His answer sounded more like a question. Well, he left the decision to me again.

I sighed and settled the backpack as a reflex act.

“You did a good swing, Atkins, but I’m sorry to say you got a strike”

He raised his eyebrows and I smiled, wanting to erase the rejection I had given him. It hadn’t been the first, but sometimes I felt like the bad in this relationship. Our “dates” were reduced to exits between friends, and that was because I was in charge of enlisting Sheri with us and him, usually Clay. At one time, we invited Hannah, but lately she was walking in her own world, feeling the tension only to approach her. Too bad, it turned out to be a really fun girl.

I increased my pace. We didn’t have to stay together in the hall, our first period was different, while he was killing himself in history, I had to endure the headache of algebra. I also needed help but no one threatened to get me out of a team simply because I didn’t belong to any. That was how it was.

“Are you serious?” The good thing about my best friend is that he took rejections with grace. “You are very rude to me, Y/N!”

“I see you at rest!” I shouted at him in response and unconsciously stepped up. I never let him see guilt in me after an Olympic rejection.

At lunchtime, we took our usual table; Clay kept his eyes on his task that ignored our mini meal fight between Jeff and me. He made me eat one of his fries, but they were too greasy for my liking. Thanks to that, we didn’t go unnoticed, neither by his companions as for the rest of the school. Suddenly, I noticed how his teammates were passing by and said things to Jeff that I couldn’t grasp, used as keys that I didn’t understand. I looked at Jeff who looked down for a few seconds before turning to see me and smiling as if nothing.

“What was that?”

“It’s nothing.” He grabbed his backpack and stood up. “See you after school, Jensen?”

For the first time, Clay looked up and nodded. Jeff said goodbye to both of us and left in the opposite direction to his companions, I frowned even confused; it was incredible how my friend’s mood changed in a few seconds. I bit my lip and pushed aside my tray of food, strangely I was without appetite.

“What’s wrong with Jeff?” I asked. Clay knew him as well as I did.

The boy shrugged and looked in the direction where our friend had disappeared. I said goodbye to Clay, especially since I had just seen Hannah Baker enter the cafeteria. Jeff and I had a plan, before we graduated, we had to get these two to have something. They were too shy to approach the one and the other that we decided to intervene, rather I joined the cause, because it was a kind of deal between the two men. However, it was difficult, I was going to take care of Hannah, but she was very distant, I couldn’t approach. I sighed and left the cafeteria. I’d waste my time in the locker.

I doubted if it would be a good idea to interfere with the tutoring hours of my friends, I don’t know what was different now, if I always did, but my best friend’s behavior was too strange after the cafeteria. It made me panic to approach him. Among my doubts, I ended up in the school library, if I wandered around maybe in the end would encourage me to approach your table. I ended up on one of the closest shelves, Jeff and Clay seemed to be talking about something that didn’t look like tutorials since neither of them looked at their respective books. I went a little closer, covering my face with a book chosen at random. I pretended to read it.

“Jeff Atkins, asking me for advice on relationships?” I listened to Clay with humor. “The deal was supposed to be that you would help me with it, not the other way around.” I lowered the book a little to notice my best friend with his eyes on Pencil playing between his fingers. I went back to cover “I was paying my salary in the Cresmont that you would never go through this”

I bit my lip, afraid to know now what they were talking about, or rather … of whom. I repressed the book down again.

“I don’t know what else to do, dude.” Jeff’s voice broke my heart, but why? “She’s not like the other girls I’ve dated, it’s a challenge, but not that kind of challenge.” I started to consider whether it was a good idea to stay or not to listen, but my feet were stuck.

“Don’t stop trying” Clay encouraged.

“I don’t do it. I invite her to go out and it is always the same result: No. “I fear that someday she will get tired and send me to the devil”

My blood ran cold. They had not yet pronounced my name but knew perfectly well that they were talking about me. My hands began to tremble.

“I don’t think so. You two make a good team. It’s hard to see a Jeff without Y/N, or a Y/N without a Jeff” I glanced over and watched my friend smile. I did too. It was true; we could complement us in an incredible way.

I watched Jeff’s profile, again thinking away from his friendship, made me feel short of breath. I couldn’t imagine my life without having met him; he managed to understand me, my problems, my follies and occasionally my pessimism. The random memory hit me on a Saturday that taught me to hit, I could feel his body on my back and his arms around mine, even his hands on mine to help me hold the bat well. It had felt good, I didn’t have the imperative need to get away like when Bryce Walker tried to get too close to me. That guy gave me a very bad spine. Instead, with Jeff, I sometimes needed to have him close to feel that I breathe well, that everything is going its natural course. There was no Y/N Y/L without a Jeff Atkins, it couldn’t, and there was no consistency. It was like going against nature. My heart sped up and I hid my face again between the pages.

“Clay. What is wrong with me?” I had a gasp, only a few verbal rejects, at no time I distanced myself from him, after my negatives we were as normal as ever. Nothing had changed. I had the need to jump and give him a zap, Nothing was wrong with you, Atkins, you’re amazing, the best guy I’ve ever met! But I stood still with the lump in my throat.

“Nothing, dude. Let’s go back to your history essay, you need to distract your mind”

I listened as he agreed to the idea and I moved from shelf to the place where they didn’t see me. I put my hand to my chest and inhaled deep breaths. Why did i feel like crying? Maybe because Jeff didn’t notice the way I did, what could be wrong with him? He was a committed boy, especially now that his position in the team depended on his qualifications, attentive, pleasant, he isn’t of those who believed in rumors … and above all, he was an excellent friend of Clay and mine. How could there be anything wrong with that? Why cann’t you see yourself as I see you? I bit my lip.

“I saw you” Jessica came out of nowhere and gave me the shock of my life. She started laughing “Spying on people’s conversations? That’s too much for you”

I rolled my eyes.

"I guess I couldn’t help it,” I murmured.

“I heard them, too. I’ve never seen Jeff that way; he always has a smile on his face."I nodded to the cheerleader’s words. Suddenly, she started to laugh "Don’t you realize, Y/N?” I looked at her strangely “He’s in love with you! The whole institute knows this, obviously everyone, except you”

“We are good friends”

“So? That doesn’t take away the feelings, the question here is, Are you in love with him? ”

I was silent, I opened my mouth to answer her but I couldn’t, Why couldn’t I? I should deny it, but why didn’t i? Jessica Davis smiled.

“Do I confess something?” I waited quietly. “The way you look at Jeff, is the same way I look at Justin. Think about it. "She winked at me before leaving.

If my best friend’s words had left me frozen, Jessica’s words hit me. I looked over my shoulder toward the boys’ table, was I in love with my best friend? As I would know, I had never fallen in love with anyone in my life.

I ran as if my life depended on it to the baseball field, simply because my friend’s fool had forgotten his bat in the car and I as a good person i was, and because I knew the combination of his locker to get the keys, I did him the favor. Anyway, at home I was expecting some of those Mom’s smooth naturist, I wasn’t very excited to return soon. Before giving me sight in front of the team, I heard the boys howling and booing. I stopped and looked out, Jeff was in front of them, pretending to have difficulty raising the zipper of his sweatshirt. As I perceived quickly, they were making fun of him.

"Give it up at once, Atkins.” One of them said. I frowned. “You’re losing your good reputation for just one girl”

Not again, please. I pressed the bat in my hands.

“Let go and pass her, I assure you that I get an appointment with her long before you,” another of his classmates boasted. I was getting angry.

How could it be that they messed with him for some nonsense? I was nothing special, why did they all talk as if I were some sort of trophy? I looked at Jeff, he was still focused on his feigned task, but the gesture on his lips told me that he was having a bad time, so I got sick, it couldn’t be that my fear of losing him by spoiling everything with a label, So much harm to him. My eyes filled with tears, but I didn’t cry, instead, I smiled and walked resolutely towards them.

“Eh!” Shouted one of them with joy.

I didn’t look at any of them, my eyes were on my best friend’s, wanting to pretend he was more than okay. I didn’t stop until I felt my lips against his. I dropped the bat to our side and wrapped my fingers in his hair pulling him closer to me. His response, in the first place, was that his mouth was sealed by surprise, when he caught what was happening, he joined the same rhythm as me, bringing his hands to my waist. I didn’t part until the shouts of joy of his companions became present.

“Damn!” I recognized the voice of the one who at the beginning bet that I would go out with him.

I looked into Jeff’s eyes and smiled broadly. This kiss, which at first wanted to taste something, simply felt good. I began to feel that I was complete, even though I thought I had been before.

“I thought better, why wait until Saturday? Let’s have a date now.” My best friend’s eyes shone, I felt an extreme happiness inside, not for him, for me. “Oh, better, did you tell me that your parents are not going to be home all day? How about a bit of Netflix and chill? ”

His friends laughed, he too, but a little more shy.

“Come on.” He took my hand firmly.

“Boys” I gave a single glance at their companions, they began to cheer and push, like vile apes.

I laughed and looked back. When we lost sight of the team, Jeff stopped and looked at me even in shock.

“You were serious?”

“About the kiss or Netflix and chill?” I couldn’t stop smiling.

“Both of them”

“Now I know that I’m sure of the kiss” I bit my lip “Of the other, of course I was serious, a little more seriously in the chill part”

Jeff’s smile was the biggest i had ever seen. My heart skipped a beat.

“Then I drive. Later we’ll get back for your car”

trash-tears  asked:

hi! could you rec me some life-changing (eighth year maybe) drarry fics in the range of 30-40k? thanks so much!! :)

Omg 8th year fics are my jam! The word range may kinda cut out some of my favourite fics from this list, but maybe I’ll rec them in another list later. Hope you enjoy reading these! :)

  • Sealed with a Kiss - by Faithwood (46k)
    Harry Potter will fall in love with the first person who kisses him. Draco knows what he must do.
    (Ah this story was so cute and lovely to read! As the summary says, Harry will fall in love with the first person who kisses him. Honestly such a fluffy and charming fic!)

  • A Series of Unfortunate Events - by unmonsterlike (25k)
    Harry Potter has a tendency to show up whenever Draco’s in trouble. Draco’s not quite sure he hates it as much as he’d like. 
    (This fanfic had me in stitches! Draco always ends up in constant danger, and Harry always saves him just in time. Draco shows his gratitude in the best ways possible ;) Honestly though, this fic is super funny and makes me laugh whenever I think about it!)

  • He Was He and I Was Bunny - by bryoneybrynn (37k)
    Harry’s looking for an escape from everyone. Draco’s looking for a friend. A little black bunny is the answer for our boys.
    (Ahh this fic is one of my all time favourites! Bunny!Harry is so adorable, and I loved how Draco was able to relax and be himself around Bunny!Harry. But then the drama starts kicking in when Draco realises that the little Bunny he’s been caring for his Harry all along and arrggh, I won’t spoil anything more but this story is a must read!)

  • For all the marbles - by Veritaso3 (28k)
    Harry receives a long-lost gift when he returns to Hogwarts to finish his last year of school. Draco could be just the person to help Harry understand the gift – if the two of them can learn to talk to each other. 
    (This is such a sweet fic! The idea of the marbles Harry receives is so charming, and Draco and Harry’s relationship is so well-written!)

  • Lumos - by birdsofshore (41k)
    Harry never expected to spend eighth year listening to Draco Malfoy wanking. 
    (Apart from masturbating and the sex drive of angsty teenagers, this fic also has many beautiful moments of Draco and Harry’ getting to know each other, and progressively delving into a relationship that isn’t founded on sexual desire. I honestly loved this fic so much!)

  • The Ties That Bind Us - by Faithwood (27k)
    An accident leaves Draco and Harry bound tightly together. Literally. 
    (An accident causes Draco and Harry to be bound together in ropes in a very compromising position - and they’re unable to get free. This is incredibly entertaining and funny!)

  • Not You Face - by khasael (26k)
    After an unusual late-night encounter with the Mirror of Erised, Harry finds himself with the unexpected (and rather unwanted) ability to see aspects of everyone else’s deepest desires. Harry really wishes things like this didn’t happen to him. 
    (All thanks to the Mirror of Erised, Harry now has the unique ability to see one’s deepest deisres whenever he touches someone. But, Harry wasn’t able to see what he yearns for, that is until he touched Draco Malfoy. This fic is just so enchanting and sweet!)

  • No Greater Victory - by dicta_contrion (26k)
    Back at Hogwarts after the war, a defeated Draco Malfoy is prepared to settle for life’s simpler pleasures: snark, sex, and Slytherin scheming. That is until Pansy, newly in possession of Malfoy Manor, offers to return his ancestral home. Just one condition: he has to win, and break, Harry Potter’s heart to get it. That’s no problem. Draco’s got this situation completely under control. 
    (I never knew one fic could hold so much fluff and angst! It’s so lovely to watch Draco and Harry’s relationship grow and develop in this story. And I loved the format it was written in as well - journal entry style is amazing!)

  • The Potter-Malfoy Problem - by who_la_hoop (28k)
    The room of requirement’s gone mad - at least, that’s what Harry thinks. There’s no way that Draco Malfoy ‘requires’ him, of all people, but why does it keep dragging Harry there like he’s some kind of furniture, every time Malfoy enters it? 
    (Whenever Draco enters the Room of Requirement, the room magically summons Harry as well. But, the room won’t let them leave until they get along, needing more passionate “getting along” each time they’re stuck together. So good!)

  • Unexpected Consequences - by lauren3210 (39k)
    Harry was going back to school. He was going to play Quidditch, sleep in lessons, hang out with his friends, and generally just enjoy being a kid for a change. And he was also going to do it while being bonded with Malfoy, because apparently life was just going to continue throwing curveballs at him.
    (SO MUCH UST!! As punishment for his crimes in the war, Draco is bound to Harry (who grudgingly accepts))

  • Draco Malfoy, It’s Your Lucky Day - by Faithwood (37k)
    Even though he’s unarmed, injured, lost in the Forbidden Forest, and facing a possible murder charge, Draco Malfoy gets lucky. 
    (A very enjoyable and entertaining fic with heaps of mystery! Harry attempting so flirt with Draco was hilarious. And Draco was endearingly delusional and utterly helpless of being honest to himself)

  • In plain sight - by oldenuf2nb (37k)
    Draco Malfoy had stopped believing his wishes would be granted long ago. He could perhaps be forgiven for being startled, then, when one of them came true.
    (Not gonna lie, I cried a little during the scene where the Board of Governors decided “in the best interest of Hogwarts” to close down Slytherin House - my inner Slytherin Pride weeped tears at this moment. But Draco is so sweet and lovable in this fic, and I loved every word of this story!)

  • Master Work - by mahaliem (35k)
    Harry’s eighth-year at Hogwarts is going about as well as all the others. Someone is out to get him, Aurors keep questioning him about the final battle and, worst of all, Draco is determined to repay his life debt to Harry. 
    (Draco becomes a sort of “protector” to Harry for 10 months to repay his life debt to him. The humour in this story is brilliant, and adored it from start to finish!)

  • The Standard You Walk Past - by bafflinghaze (46k)
    On returning to Hogwarts for their Eighth Year, Headmistress McGonagall decided to room Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter together. She may have hoped for a leading example of house unity; the other students fully expected insults and fights. But nothing happened. 
    (”But nothing happened” until Harry started sleep walking into Draco’s bed ;) Draco and Harry’s relationship in this fic is a perfect mix of fluff and angst, it’s absolutely perfect!)
Introverted Intuition (NI) Problems

*Your brain is a web of context and patterns, and it’s too easy to get tangled. All it takes is one weird thought, and the next thing you know, you’ve been staring into space contemplating the inevitable heat death of the universe for the past 45 minutes

*Speaking of context, you can only view things in relation to other things, including yourself. Who are you when you’re removed from your hobbies and loved ones? Who knows!

*You’re really good at remembering general concepts, and can recall vaguely how to do just about anything. This would be super useful, except you can’t remember the details to save your fucking life, so good luck applying it in any remotely practical way.

*“Wow you’re really smart you know a lot about this thing” “Thanks I’ve never studied it a day in my life I literally pulled everything I just said out of my ass based on general knowledge about similar subjects”

*When left to your own devices, you generally retreat inside yourself and start using the information you’ve gathered to predict how events will unfold next. In other words, hello naughty children welcome to o v e r t h i n k i n g H E L L t i m e

*You see an interesting connection between two unrelated things. You point it out to your friends, and everybody laughs at how weird and unexpected it is. You laugh along with them, but you’re crying inside because it wasn’t supposed to be funny, you just thought it was neat.

*Somebody asks you to explain your reasoning. Half an hour later, you’re halfway through your train of thought, and all you’ve managed to do is confuse both the other person and yourself.

*Based on your Superior Web of Previous Experience, you are very confident you can predict The Thing with great accuracy. You fail to predict The Thing with great accuracy. Now you’re forced to re-arrange your entire Superior Web of Previous Experience, plus you also look lame in front of your friends.

OFF THE CUFF HOMESTUCK THOUGHTS #3: THE SELF PILE DOESN’T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER OR: THE PROBLEM OF DEAD MARIOS

DISCLAIMER

IMPORTANT THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

[CHECK THE TAG FOR MORE THOUGHTS]

So, a long-ass time ago, Rose and Dave had a conversation like this:

TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me?
TT: Will I just cease to exist?
TG: i dont know
TG: i mean your whole timeline will
TG: maybe
TT: Maybe?
TT: Is there a chance it’ll continue to exist, and I’ll just be here alone forever?
TT: I’m not sure which outcome is more unsettling.
TG: the thing with time travel is
TG: you cant overthink it
TG: just roll with it and see what happens
TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded
TT: What do you think I should do?
TG: try going to sleep
TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think
TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen
TT: Ok.
TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through
TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word “self” and still understand what we’re talking about.

This is the most important sentence in Homestuck.

I am dead serious.

Well, OK, I mean, it’s pretty important for understanding some major Homestuck themes and shit or something like that.

Also, I totally should have said: Pre-Retcon Doomed Timeline Non-Dreamself Rose but ultimately about to become Dreamself Rose who semi-merged with Pre-Retcon Alpha Timeline Rose and Doomed Timeline Dave aka Davesprite AKA future Davepetasprite^2 or as we all call them around the office, Davepeta, had that conversation.

Maybe you begin to see what I’m going to talk about here.

One of the major frustrations a lot of people had with the retcon was that the characters we ended up with at the end weren’t the ones we’d come to love and know throughout the story. Was it even worth it, to lose the characters we loved to the tyranny of Game Over? The victorious kids, with the exception of John and Roxy, were other people, with other histories, other goals, and other choices.

Allow me to submit that that may be the whole point.

SBURB is cruel. We’ve known that for a long time. It’s cruel not as Caliborn is cruel, but as the cosmos is cruel, as a supernova is cruel. It wants what it wants, and doesn’t care about how that intersects with the needs of humanity. It wants to make universes through a complex game-playing method, and drags hapless, vulnerable adolescents along for the ride. And most of the time it doesn’t even succeed, leaving its champions to rot in a doomed timeline or similar! Skaia’s victory is an amoral creation myth where individual human beings are just the carved pieces on the chessboard. (I mean, the other ones. Not the carapacians.)

Again, let’s consider the theme of VIDEO GAMES vs. REAL LIFE.

Homestuck, let’s be real, is basically some postmodern horror timey-wimey Jumanji. For a generation way more familiar with pixels than cute little tokens It’s easy for teenagers and in fact, basically everyone, to fantasize about escaping their life and slipping into some game world forever, where they get to do awesome things and be a heroic person.

Homestuck makes that literal. Congratulations, everything you ever knew is dead. You will never see it again, except your internet friends, who turn out also to be your family and other important people. I mean, from a distance, SBURB sounds like an awesome game, right? You figure out who you are and get to wear a cool costume displaying that identity. You get to make anything you want and enjoy this hyperflexible mythology tailored to YOUR CHOICES. HS fans talk all the time about how cool it would be to play a real version of SBURB. That’s a big part of the appeal of SBURB fan adventures. They put you and your friends in the story. Or your favorite characters! It sounds like a fantasy come true.

The thing is, as fantastical as it is, it’s also really fucked up, and ultimately you and your friends are being used. By a giant frog to let it have its babies. By the universe. By a smug blue cloud thing that doesn’t care about you at all.

SBURB does not care about you at all.

The funny thing, SBURB features a mythology with so many layers and nuances and seemingly human motifs about growth and self that you might search for some grand ultimate meaning behind it, but it’s not even human enough to have a personality, to be something you can argue with or fight. It just is. It’s all the cruelty and power of a god without any of the dazzling personality. It’s empty. It just wants to make universes all day long, or fail trying. It is a great, weird tadpole-making machine that eats children.

One of the big ways it doesn’t care about you is its attitude toward the self. Humans and trolls and whatnot prefer not to be relentlessly duplicated. SBURB says, oh yeah, let’s make tons of copies of the player characters and use them for a lot of different purposes.

There’s the dreamself, an essential bifurcation of identity (you are now and were always the dream moon princex) that sometimes gets merged into god tier but sometimes doesn’t. There’s doomed timeline selves, who exist ultimately to augment an Alpha timeline whose Alphaness is decided very arbitrarily and frequently by Lord English. There’s the you who exists before a scratched session and the you who exists afterward, who are two different people but started as one baby in an act of ectobaby meteor duplication, your player self and your guardian self. Dead timeline yous fill up the dreambubbles made by the horrorterrors and get endlessly confused with each other. Any one of these could be the you experience being at any given moment, and which one it is entirely arbitrary. Don’t like being Dead Nepeta #47? Tough hoofbeast leavings, kiddo.

To top it all off, in Terezi: Remember, we learn that every single time we thought someone changed from one self to another, was resurrected or something like that, it was another act of duplication. For every time someone’s died, there’s another version of them waiting in the Dream Bubbles, surprised that they’re not the main character anymore. And we have no way of knowing which is which. Even John, good old everyman John, may or may not be the person who died three or four times. It’s really impossible to say whether we’ve been following the same person throughout our story, or just the illusion of the same person, like a horrifying cosmic flipbook.

The retcon is a return to this same theme. Ultimately, there’s very little new in the changes John makes to reality except that they drive the point home.

John’s friends all died. John and his friends won the game. These things are both true at the same time, except those things may not have happened to the same people. There was a happy ending. Hooray! For, um, some folks who may or may not be the ones we care about. In fact, it’s very confusing, because from Rose’s perspective, Roxy is dead but came back to life, and from Roxy’s perspective Rose is dead but came back to life, except also she came back to life as a weird tentacle catgirl of pure id and self –indulgence. So there’s that. Um. Which Rose are we rooting for again?

Or wait: is it none of them, because the first Rose died in a doomed timeline, hundreds of panels and a number of years ago?

There’s a tension here which one experiences between saying it’s okay because it’s still the same people, and saying it’s not okay, because it’s not the same people at all. This tension is exactly what we’re meant to wrestle with. To put it another way, Homestuck asks if identity can work in aggregate. Are all Johns John, all Roses Rose, and do they all share in what they accomplish? Or are the final victors only accidents created by the whims and needs of the frog baby machine?

What I’m saying, basically, is that the retcon, in the sense that it pointed out our confused relationship with these characters, was already here.

In interviews and questions put to him over the years, Hussie constantly compares HS and SBURB to other video games, particularly Mario, which he frequently returns to as a baseline of comparison that most of his readers will know. One answer, from a recent Hiveswap interview, is particularly revelatory. To the question of “Why do you kill off all your characters?” Hussie replies:

[…]HS is supposedly a story that is also a game. In games, the characters die all the time. How many times did you let Mario fall in the pit before he saved the princess? Who weeps for these Marios. In games your characters die, but you keep trying and trying and rebooting and resetting until finally they make it. When you play a game this process is all very impersonal. Once you finally win, when all is said and done those deaths didn’t “count”, only the linear path of the final victorious version of the character is considered “real”. Mario never actually died, did he? Except the omniscient player knows better. HS seems to combine all the meaningless deaths of a trial-and-error game journey with the way death is treated dramatically in other media, where unlike our oblivious Mario, the characters are aware and afraid of the many deaths they must experience before finally winning the game.

The big man hass the answer.

Homestuck is the story of those dead Marios.

Other works, like Undertale, have engaged with this topic as well. But one of the major differences between Undertale and Homestuck is that in Undertale, between “lives,” one’s consciousness is preserved. In Homestuck, it’s discontinuous, and the value of the overall trial-error process is called into question by the fact that you, the player, may not even get to experience the victory. What meaning does victory hold if that is the case?

So, to put it in a nice thesis format:

One of the central themes of Homestuck is the challenge of reconciling an arbitrary and destructive pattern of growth and victory with the death and suffering you experienced along the way. Homestuck asks: is victory worthwhile if you’re not you anymore? And would you be able to know?

What even is the self? Is there such a thing?

If you were left feeling somewhat disconcerted by our heroes’ tidy victory and departure to their cosmic prize, or by how which Rose gets the spotlight is so deeply, deeply arbitrary, there’s a good reason for that. You’re supposed to be.

The philosophical problem of Wacky Cat Rose is insignificant next to the bullshit of SBURB.

And don’t forget—John and Roxy’s denizens helped them achieve the retcon. Ultimately, the victory they achieved was mediated by the same amoral system of SBURB, and was a victory over an enemy, Caliborn, whose power was created, perpetuated, and ended by that same system.

Okay, so here’s where it gets contentious. There’s an argument to be made, which I’m not sure how I feel about, that some of the character development that could have been in post-retcon Act 6 was left out precisely to push this feeling and play up this tension. Note that this is not the same thing as saying that they were deliberately badly written, but that they’re deliberately written to make us uneasy.That Hussie deliberately played with the balance between making these retconned characters feel familiar and making them feel eerily different to leave us feeling uneasy with the result.

I’m not sure I like that idea. It smacks a little too much of that “everything is perfect” thinking that comes sometimes from the far Metastuck camp. Some of the differences may also be the result of flawed writing. (See: Jane and Jake’s character arcs, which I might talk about later.) And I want to be able to critique those flaws. Ultimately, I think we still needed more time and development to figure out who these new people were—even if our goal was ultimately to compare them to their earlier selves. And again, more conscious acknowledgement of the problem from our heroes—especially John, the linchpin in this last and biggest act of duplication—might have helped drive this theme home.

Still, I think the Problem of Dead Marios is one of the most fundamental questions of Homestuck, maybe THE biggest question. It’s essential to understand it to understand what Hussie’s doing—or attempting to do— in the retcon and the ending.

I don’t know that Homestuck offers us a clear answer to that question. There are some confusions around the issue, too. Where do merged selves fit in, exactly? Clearly they’re a big part of the discussion, because Hussie spends some time in Act 6, especially near the end bringing the identity-merging powers of the Sprites to the forefront. (See also: the identity-merged nightmare that is Lord English.)  Can we even come up with a clear answer to what it means when a dead Mario returns to life grotesquely fused with Toad? How does he beat the game? Does he tell himself that the princess is in another castle? Or what if he merges with Peach? Are they their own princess? How do they know if they’re in the right castle?

Um. Anyway—

Interestingly, it’s not all grotesque—spritesplosions suggest that personalities that are too different don’t stay together long, so a fusion might rely on some inherent compatibility between the two players. Erisol’s self-loathing, sure, but also Fefeta’s cheerfulness. Davepeta seems to be a way of bringing out the best in their players, a way of getting Davesprite past his angst and Nepeta past her fear. Honestly, I know a lot of people don’t like Davepeta as the ending of these two characters’ arcs, but I can’t help but love it. They’re the ultimate coolkid. Cool enough to know they don’t have to be cool. Regular Dave got there, too, of course. But was his retcon assist from John ultimately any different?

Then, of course, we come to Davepeta’s speech to Jade in one of the last few updates before Collide. Davepeta suggests that there is such a thing as an ultimate self beyond the many different selves one piles up throughout the cosmos. A set of principles that describes who you are that’s larger than any individual instance of you. Your inherent Mariohood. (Maybe this is comparable to your Classpect identity, which attempts to describe who you are?) Davepeta even tells Jade, strikingly, that one might learn to see beyond the barriers between selves. Be the ur-self, in practice, rather than theory. This would be incredible news for Jade, who wrestles with the issue of different selves perhaps more than any other character. (There’s a lot to say about Jade.)

Honestly, I wish this ur-self idea had been developed more, and I honestly expected it to be. It doesn’t fully come to fruition, I feel. (Same goes for Davepeta’s character. Ohhhh, ZING!) I’m not sure it entirely makes philosophical sense, especially with fusion—I mean, doesn’t Davepeta themself disprove it? Or at least complicate it? Like, are they part of the ur-Dave or the ur-Nepeta? They seem to imply they’re BOTH? Does that even work? Does that mean that Marieach is all the Peaches and Marios at once?

(In fact, Bowser/Peach/Mario are but the three manifestations of one eternal principle. Also, Bowser/Peach are the true power couple. Read my fanfiction plz.)

And what, say, of Dirk, who ultimately ends up rejecting aspects of his other selves? It feels like there’s a lot more you could say here, and I wonder if Hussie would have said more, if he’d had time. What’s weird is, none of our victorious kids never reach an ur-self (though to their descendants, they become archetypal to some degree), which one might have expected. They’re just individual selves who happened to get lucky. Does that make them representative of the whole? It feels like something’s missing here, or like something got dropped at the last minute.

Same goes for the idea of the Ultimate Riddle. You’d be forgiven for missing it, but there’s been this riddle in the background lore of SBURB that seems to have something to do with personal agency in this overwhelming, overarching system. Karkat called it predestination, saying something like “ANY HOPE YOU HAD OF DOING THINGS OTHERWISE WAS JUST A RUSE.” But others have interpreted it more positively. My favorite interpretation, from bladekindeyewear: the answer to the Riddle is that YOU shape the timeline through your existence, personality, and choices, even when it looks like it’s all predestination. Ultimately it’s your predestination, your set of events, based deeply on your nature, that you are creating. Someone like Caliborn can use his innate personality to achieve power; someone like John might be able to use it to achieve freedom.

I definitely expected something like that to be expressed more explicitly. Like, a big ah-ha moment that helps John or Jade or whoever understand how to escape Caliborn’s system. Something like that would have been very helpful for a lot of our heroes, actually, who’ve been pushed around by Skaia and SBURB together, in finding a cathartic ending.  Once again, I wonder if something was dropped or rushed because there wasn’t time to put it all in. There’s places where you can see hints of that Answer being implied, maybe? But it’s kind of ambiguous.

You can see how the Answer to the Ultimate Riddle ties into some of Davepeta’s ideas. If your personality, the rules of your behavior are a fundamental archetype that goes beyond each individual self, then the answer to whether it matters if one self of yours makes it through to victory is an emphatic YES. You are all of those people, and by winning one round with Skaia, you’ve won the whole game, despite all the arbitrary challenges and deaths it heaps upon you along the way.

This may strike some as too positive for Skaia’s brutality, or again, some way of excusing flaws in many characters’ arcs, or unfair things that happen to them. To be fair, I don’t know that Davepeta’s necessarily meant to be taken as authoritative or the voice of Hussie. They may simply be offering a purrspective.

Hussie not choosing to come right out and engage with the Ultimate Riddle leaves the question of Dead Marios and what they mean for the victorious versions of our cast very open. I like that in some ways—let the reader decide—but I can’t help but wish we had more to work with in making that decision. Plus, it might have brought the thematic messages of Homestuck all the way home to tie them more closely to our characters and their experiences—character development being one of the things most people found most lacking in the ending.

NEXT TIME: All that wacky gnostic stuff probably

"I'm not your blind date but you came over and I was eating alone so I went with it and now you're calling me by a different name" AU

I found this prompt on a Tumblr blog but I accidentally deleted the post and now I can’t find the prompt anymore

Lena was sitting alone. She twirled the neck of the wine glass in her left hand, her phone in her right as she responded to work emails. Jess kicked her out of the office almost an hour ago, going on about how she shouldn’t be working on her birthday and she deserved one day off for herself. Problem is Lena always had days to herself. Her days were always “her” days if she didn’t have anyone to share them with. She looked down at the red rose on the table before her, Jess’ gift to her, and let herself smile slightly. Jess was a good assistant, she meant well, and she seemed to care when no one else did.

So that’s why she listened and came here to this restaurant when she really wanted to finish responding to her emails and get a head start on tomorrow’s project. The place wasn’t the fanciest she’s been, but she wasn’t about to go to one of the high-class places she frequented when she didn’t have a date. It was nice enough: low lighting, decent wine selection, and she got a small booth in the back so no one would bother her. Her plan was to come out, grab a quick bite, and then finish work at home.

She was so focused on her phone that she hadn’t noticed the woman walk up to her booth. There was a small tap on her shoulder then, and she was slightly annoyed that anyone would interrupt her when she purposely picked this booth to avoid being bothered. She turned to look up quickly, an annoyed “Can I help you?” on the tip of her tongue, when she came face-to-face with a literal angel, the words dying before they formed. Her jaw went slack as she took in the stunning being before her.

The woman had the bluest eyes Lena had ever seen, even under the minimal lighting of the place and the black rimmed glasses she wore. Her hair fell in soft golden waves, across the shoulders of her beige jacket and blue top. She had a pair of black pants that hugged her hips and a nice pair of boots to match. She looked dressed up, yet still casual, and it suddenly made Lena feel self-conscious about the tight fitting black dress and tight ponytail she wore.

“It was supposed to be yellow,” the woman said, pointing at the flower on the table.

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carly’s pynch fic rec

basically, i’ve read a lot of fic, some of which i haven’t seen on rec lists on tumblr anywhere and i just thought that had to be remedied so: here we go. ten fics sorted by word count. most of them are multichapter, and rated M or E.

★★★★★144k+ words, rated M, completed

light with a sharpened edge by poetic_leopard aka @winterblues

Adam Parrish works as a sober companion, but he has no idea of the storm that’s soon to hit him when Ronan Lynch turns out to be his newest client. (Or the one where Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch are trapped underneath the same roof for six weeks.)*Ronan, to his surprise, opened his eyes. For a breathless moment, Adam was transfixed in them. They were the color of the ocean on the most azure of nights, lightning right before it struck the ground, damp hydrangeas on a fog-swept morning. Those eyes gave him chills.

this fic!! solidly one of my favorite fics! (although, i’m only recommending my favorites) ronan is a little more of an asshole than usual, but, it’s an AU so.. it works. the writing in this is lovely and poetic and leaves you hanging off of every word. 

[more recs under the cut]

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anonymous asked:

what do u think would happen if jeremy walked into the bathroom while michael was crying (like during the party)

OK SO i asked em ( aka @gayradwhitedad ) to help me with this ask and they came up with some really good headcanons ( like wtf they’re the best ) and i drew some of them so!!! the drawings are here and the headcanons are under the cut ( PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING, IT’S SO GOOD )

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Favorite Fanfics Forever

Guys. Look at that alliteration in my title, it is definitely intentional, I hope you appreciate it as much as I do. 

Anyway, I have listed my all time favorite Bucky x Reader fanfics that have accumulated since my ascension into the Marvel fandom and the lovely authors accompanying them. This list had twenty fics, I scaled it down to six. Boom.


Story: Heart On the Line

Summary: (Smut, phone sex, NSFW) You and Bucky had your differences in college, but now you need a place to stay and he needs a roommate, and in order to make ends meet, you two start a phone sex line together.

Why I love it: It is clever, it is funny, it is fascinating, and it draws you in. Take a look at the first chapter, you’ll see what I mean. 

Author: @buckysbackpackbuckle - An omni shipper, and Team Iron Man, Dahlia is one of the most creative forces here on tumblr, if you ever need a good read, and you’re craving smut worth your time, she is definitely someone you should follow and extend your support too. Not only is she lovely, she is brutally honest, opinionated, and absolutely stunning. 

Dahlia’s Masterlist (Make sure to check out Heavy and Hollow, it’s another fave, and I have yet to read something that will ever top it.)

Story: Catch Me

Summary: In which a bet leads Bucky to have to catch you every day for a week, no matter what.

Why I love it: It is so well thought out, the premise of the story, Reader’s exasperating tendencies, and Bucky’s equally exasperating antics are so entertaining it cheered me up on my lowest day. 

Author: @buckyywiththegoodhair - A total babe and a proud feminist that doesn’t let dramatic anons bother her, she is one of the best authors on here, she reblogs the funniest, and most accurate nonmarvel posts on here, and reblogs some of the best marvel related stuff. She is witty, kind, superbly helpful and one of my all time faves!

Check out her masterlist here and her tips for first-time writers here.

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anonymous asked:

Why do you think Jake was running away from Dirk and complaining about him? I just can't imagine what was happening in his head to do such things, also I have a hard time believing that Jake loves Dirk romantically although I want to. I've been reading your analysis and I'm still not sure.

So remember when this was going on:

While Grandpa was off doing…fucking this:

Jake’s fundamental problem is the same as Grandpa’s: Escapism. In Grandpa, that misery and desire for escapism seems to grow into outright delusion–the guy seems plain old not that in touch with reality.

That’s how Jake operates when he has problems he doesn’t like and he doesn’t want to do better. Jake runs away because Dirk is needy and suffocating–the dude ain’t perfect, and he’s not any better at talking about his problems than Jake is because he likes to pretend they don’t exist by subsuming them into his (fake as shit) hypercapable persona.

But Dirk was needy and suffocating in the first place at least partly because Jake had already hurt his feelings pretty badly several times over, and led Dirk to believe he was most likely straight. Jake is aware of this!

But Jake would, in all things, prefer to resolve his conflicts in a way that doesn’t require him to acknowledge or address any way he might have possibly fucked up or hurt his friend’s feelings. That’s why neither of them can make actual progress on improving their relationship–Jake is as willfully ignorant about the core of their issues as Dirk is willfully burying them to keep up his front. And neither of them will likely talk about how Jake really felt about Brobot or about the whole AR situation for that exact same reason. Jake is busy immediately trying to forget any of that existed or could, in fact, have been parsed as a problem. Dirk is terrified of hearing Jake’s real answer. 

My friend Sburb (who I mysteriously can’t tag?? sorry about that) made a really good point about Jake’s planet–Xenon. Xenon can be used as an anesthetic, numbing one’s perception of the world, and that lines up with Jake’s modus operandi perfectly. It’s not that Jake doesn’t like Dirk, but that he is deeply terrified of confrontation and numbs himself to any possibility that may require it. Like, it’s no mistake that Jake’s innate sense of happiness and ignorance ramp up in intensity PRECISELY to match the most depressing thing he’s confronted with–Erisolsprite. Jake knows how miserable and angry Erisol is on some level, but acknowledging that would be really sad and require Jake to do something probably uncomfortable! So he doesn’t, and he pretends there isn’t a problem instead. Like. Really aggressively.

After like SIX MONTHS of enjoying Dirk’s company despite all these issues on BOTH their ends, long past the point when people who weren’t teenagers who don’t know what they’re doing would have sat down and said “Ok there’s definitely a problem here, let’s talk about it,”–yeah, all these underlying problems stress Dirk out enough that he gets to be too much for Jake and he runs away. Where he goes right on thinking about Dirk all the time, subjecting Jane to long rambles about him, and when Caliborn comes calling Jake spends his time making comments like this:

Which is A) Trolling Caliborn to some extent and really fucking funny, I love you Jake, B) Indication that Jake is now a lot more comfortable positioning himself as mlm than he was when talking to Jane, and C) That last one is obviously a reference to Dirk that Jake is making intentionally. Jake is, again, sharper than he’s given credit for. He knows what classpects are and he’s spent six months in a session where there’s exactly four of them. Even while running away, Jake is still making comments about Dirk that would absolutely be flirting if he were talking to the guy himself, and still largely thinking positively about him. 

Jake running away doesn’t reflect his feelings for Dirk. It reflects his obsessive need to avoid confrontation, and his willingness to believe anything he can tell himself to avoid it.