but it can also be used by anyone else who is interested

i’ve seen a post going around about rachel not genuinely caring about chloe and in addition to ranting about it in private with friends, i thought i might as well try a coherent rebuttal to post here

some things about rachel we need to acknowledge up front. she’s 1) super smart and 2) able to use her smarts and social adeptness to manipulate people pretty easily. we see this with victoria in episode 2, how rachel plays her to get her to drink the spiked tea. we see this in episode 1, how rachel dissipates tension in the drama club meeting by shifting the focus of the discussion to chloe.

manipulation is a tool rachel has developed to help her navigate the world. manipulative =/= malicious. consider rachel’s reputation around blackwell in the first game - she has her detractors, sure, but overall she’s widely loved by students from all types of backgrounds and cliques. no doubt rachel achieved this using the same skills and tactics that people would label as manipulative. knowing what to say to endear someone to you, to make them feel better about themselves, to relate to them – it’s all the same skill set. there’s not an inherent moral value in that.

now if we’re going to talk about rachel’s relationships with frank and jefferson and how they took place apparently alongside rachel’s relationship with chloe, without chloe’s knowledge (which there’s some ambiguity about – chloe never confirms whether she and rachel were dating, though she was clearly upset to learn about rachel and frank) we need to do so analytically.

rachel’s goal was to get out of arcadia bay. to do this, rachel needed resources. what makes sense? taking advantage of the attention and interest paid to her by two adult men with means and using it to her own ends. frank has money, drug connections, etc that rachel could use to get out of town. jefferson had social capital, he probably made her promises or offered guidance for her career, that would also be an attractive option for escape.

what doesn’t make sense? trying to make a poor, mentally ill high school dropout from an abusive and controlling home your ticket out of town. if you refuse to give rachel credit for anything else, you have to believe she’s smarter than that. chloe has nothing to offer materially that rachel can’t already get from someone else easier and more reliably.

which means that what chloe has to offer is herself. her presence in rachel’s life, the relationship they have together is what rachel wants from chloe.

in game we see that chloe is obviously super eager to please rachel and to provide for her, because she cares about her that much, and they share the same goals. why then does it have to be rachel manipulating chloe and exploiting her for money and transportation that she can easily get from other sources? why can’t it be chloe acting of her own will to achieve a common goal?

because y’all are still super duper eager to vilify teenage girls for making what you perceive as selfish choices

i’ve also seen the dream addressed, particularly rachel being the fire william speaks about

if we’re going to interpret chloe’s dreams we have to recognize them as products of chloe’s subconscious. the things she dreams about are her fears and doubts manifesting

in the first dream, rachel is on fire and chloe can’t reach her. in the second dream, william speaks about rachel as the fire (though not directly) consuming herself and threatening to consume chloe, as well. it’s important to keep in mind chloe’s fears about rachel as evidenced by the “i’m leaving” quote from the bathroom graffiti scene. chloe’s scared of being used. she’s scared of being abandoned again. her feelings for rachel are so intense, have come on so quickly, she’s terrified that the consequence of trusting rachel, of giving into her feelings, will mean she’ll be destroyed in the process.

also worth noting that chloe appears to herself as the raven in both dreams. first on the playbill, second EATING HER OWN DAD’S FACE – which means chloe 1) doesn’t trust herself and 2) thinks she is to blame for every bad thing that’s ever happened to her or the people she’s cared about. that’s less to my rachel point, but i think it’s necessary context for analyzing the dreams in general

finally, going off-script for the play - there’s definitely lots of room for different interpretations of rachel’s lines here, but i think the answers you come up with have more to do with how you view rachel’s intent than anything. anyone suspicious of rachel or believing she’s out to do harm will obviously focus on the detail of prospera reneging on her promise to grant ariel’s freedom.

but if you’re interpreting rachel’s actions and words sincerely, it’s an entirely different meaning. chloe’s “excitement isn’t happiness” line and the line about her plainest self is an expression of doubt that rachel’s feelings for her are real. that rachel will still want her once the dust settles and they’re done planning their great adventure. she fears being abandoned again. rachel reacting to that by insisting she’s certain. that they can have a life together where they both are free. she’s asking chloe to trust her enough to take that leap with her.

for me, that’s just one teenage girl who feels alone and misunderstood asking another teenage girl that she cares about to take a chance on her. to be brave enough to explore the relationship developing between them. and i refuse to see that as a negative thing.

Things that frustrate me in the SPN fandom:

Not in any particular order

1) Shipper “wars” (which seem to be declared only by Destiel shippers of a certain ilk…but I could be missing a few others admittedly)

2) Sam-stans who think Dean is always wrong and completely belittle everything about Dean no matter how many times Dean is proven right. Even if you point out to them “Sam is wrong to say X to Dean in this scene” (which is not vilifying Sam or hating on Sam) they immediately make approximately a dozen excuses for why Dean was so out of line that he made Sam treat him like shit. Their arguments just make people dislike Sam (equal and opposite reaction), so it annoys the fuck out of me.

3) Dean-stans who think Sam is abusive. Sam can be a total shit to Dean, and he completely disregards Dean’s intellect and instincts regularly (see 13.02 for most recent example) in favor of portraying Dean as essentially feeling things wrong simply because he disagrees with Sam, but there is no one and nothing on the planet that Sam loves more than he loves Dean, and aside from S4 (my least favorite Sam season) and a pretty well-deserved middle of S9 he has never intentionally hurt Dean. Being dismissive too often is still not abusive. Also, I love that Sam is completely blind to his own flaws in how he treats/relates to Dean because it is so very real. I love Sam for his flaws. Also, sometimes Dean really is the one at fault or who hurt Sam first. Don’t make the Sam-girls hate Dean (see the above), it annoys me.

4) Castiel fans who haven’t apparently been watching the same show as everyone else since his second episode. He’s pretty much universally been an asshole to Dean since S4. It’s not always been intentional, and sometimes it’s even understandable, but he’s still been a total fuck and regularly a betrayer.

5) Lucifer apologists. HE’S FUCKING EVIL! Also, HE LIES! It’s what he does! 

6) Having a conversation with someone and thinking “fuck, haven’t you ever had a literature class and discussed complicated narratives and unreliable narrators” and realizing no, she hasn’t because she’s fucking 15 years old and too young (and possibly too dumb) to have had proper literature courses.

7) People who hate on Jared and Jensen for being normal guys. I love that they are normal guys, hell, it’s what I love most about them.

8) People who hate on Jared and Jensen at all.

9) “Fans” who think that “interpretation” is more important than fact/canon.

10) Stupid people. If your IQ is below 100, please vacate my corner of the universe. We cannot see eye to eye because I can’t lower myself that far. Not even sorry.

11) Shallow people. If you’re only here because Jensen and Jared are gorgeous (which, obviously, they are) I’m not interested.

12) Blind people. If you’re only here because you think Misha is gorgeous…well, enough said. He’s far from ugly, but really?

13) “Fans” who dislike both Winchester brothers and all the brothers’ scenes. What are you even watching - approximately 45 seconds of each episode?

14) People who police others and say “you can’t be in the fandom if you don’t like my favorite”. I’m not saying anywhere in the above you can’t be in the fandom, I’m just saying fuck off out of my corner of it. The two are entirely different things. Even the Destihellers are fine, if they’d just tag their shit with ONLY the ship tags not the general tags so the rest of us don’t have to be exposed to the homophobic bullshit, the rest of us wouldn’t care that they exist.

15) People who go into anti tags of things they love. Why? Do you just want to be upset or are you looking for a fight? 

16) The stans who try to pass off as BiBros. Uhm…no. If you only ever have good things to say about one brother, you’re a stan, or at least a Dean/Sam girl (or guy). Admit it. Stop lying to others and/or yourself.

17) Idiots who think criticizing a character’s actions in a particular scene, episode, or season equals “hate”. Every character on the show has been a jackass at least a few times. Saying that he/she was a jackass in X scene or Y episode is not “hate”. 

18) People who can’t or worse won’t tag properly. 

19) Ageism. This is my fandom, you stupid little teenie, I was here first (trust me, 12 years ago you weren’t even in school yet, let alone a fan of SPN) so it’s really annoying to have you try to claim the fandom from “old people” who are younger than most of the cast (except Alex…he’s young). 

20) The creepy girls who think the cast are actually interested in them, that way. Jensen is nearly 40, Misha is well clear of 40, and Jared is 35 - your age ends in teen. Even if they wanted to step out on their wives, normal men at that age are well past their “teenage girls” phase. There’s a reason people find it skeezy, because it is.

21) Everyone who wants to act like the “bad guys” aren’t bad. Aside from the Darkness/Amara, there is no canon to support this interpretation. 

22) Anyone who says that I can’t be a feminist and not want to watch the Wayward spin-off. Sorry, a show about teenage girls is not that appealing to a woman in her thirties. Wait, no, I’m not sorry. There’s a reason that SPN is the only WB/CW show I’ve ever watched more than one season. 

23) People who use the LGBTQ+ rights campaign to “defend” their bullshit which violates every single tenet of the LGBTQ+ movement. 

anonymous asked:

1. Hi! I guess I'm not totally sure if you'll relate but I feel like you'll at least get where I'm coming from. Do you ever feel like sort of a minority within a minority? I swear, so often I'll start, say, reading a non-fiction book about lesbians (& it doesn't even have to be terribly political or anything) & I'll get like 5 pages in & realize it's a book written by a bisexual masquerading as a lesbian. I also feel like I get so much disappointment from so many supposedly important pieces of

2. (academic, political, feminist) writing about lesbians because inevitably so many of them turn out to be written by political lesbians, about lesbianism as a ~feminist choice~, etc. & they carry such disdain for us simple, stupid “born this way” lesbians. Even less serious things like watching a lesbian movie or reading a lesbian fiction novel often ends up disappointing because half of the content is focused on men or some character’s long past (or even present, despite being marketed or
3. framed as a lesbian character) with men. It’s so frustrating. You seek out lesbian writing or media & so often it has non-lesbians at the helm. This is going off into a different direction, but additionally it feels like the vast majority of lesbian media & writings seem so focused on lesbians who have long histories with men. It just feels incredibly alienating as a lesbian who doesn’t relate to that at all. I don’t think that I’m better than anyone else, but it just sucks feeling like
4. there’s nothing for you or about you out there, even in what’s supposed to be your niche. I’m sure I’m hardly the only lesbian who feels this way & I’m sure other lesbians who are marginalized in other ways feel a similar sense of isolation, whether they’re lesbians of color who feel alienated due to so much lesbian media focusing on white women, they’re disabled lesbians who rarely see anything representing them, etc. It’s just getting old feeling tricked all the time when I start reading
5. some writing on lesbians only to find it’s about political lesbians, bisexuals masquerading as lesbians, het women waxing poetic about their ~choice~ to prioritize women (as if that has anything to do with lesbianism)…& basically anything but female homosexuality. Anyway I’ll quit clogging up your inbox now haha!

I share your frustration, anon… There’s really nothing for lesbians out there and goldstar lesbians even less so. We’re just anathema to this culture, and constantly reminded of it by the defeaning silence about our experiences.

“so many supposedly important pieces of (academic, political, feminist) writing about lesbians inevitably turn out to be written by political lesbians, & they carry such disdain for us simple, stupid “born this way” lesbians.” I talked about this a lot with oceanlesbian a few months ago when we were reading Tamsin Wilton’s Lesbian Studies. Although she makes a lot of interesting points, we felt that some parts sounded iffy or not like something a lesbian would say, and chalked it up to the fact that you can’t be a lesbian in academia and get anything published unless you are willing to toe the line and queerify your speech. But then there was a chapter where Wilton quoted a homophobic academic who said “Lesbians who protest that their relationship is better than any possible intimacy with a man do not know what they are really missing”, and her rebuttal was something like “This man is so ignorant that he seems unaware of the substantial numbers of women who choose lesbianism after years of heterosexuality!”
Even if you carefully filter your reading material so that all of it is (purportedly) written by lesbians, it’s always this guessing game, “Is the author a real lesbian making a few lesbophobic remarks here and there to pay lip service to bihets to get them off her back, or is she a lesbophobic mlw calling herself a lesbian?” and it usually ends up being the latter. It’s exhausting.

“Even less serious things like reading a lesbian fiction novel often ends up disappointing because half of the content is focused on men” So true, and it’s hard to imagine how we could get more lesbian characters with no history with men when we’re already vilified just for wanting lesbian fiction to have lesbian  rather than bisexual characters - I was talking with @supergiraffes recently about this “lesbian” publishing house that published a disgusting article on their website last month titled “Bitching about Bisexuality”, in which they essentially called lesbians evil for asking to have separate categories for “lesbian fiction” and “bisexual fiction” - so that they would stop stumbling upon hetero sex scenes in books marketed as “lesbian fiction”. Sounds evil, right? Of course the author called this biphobic and said “Whaaat? ‘Books written by bisexuals shouldn’t be counted as lesbian fiction. Books with bisexuals as main characters shouldn’t be counted as lesbian fiction.’ Lesbians said these things. Lesbians put these things in writing.” Evil, evil lesbians. This bi woman, endorsed by the “lesbian” publishing house, not only characterised this reasonable request as oppression, saying “a marginalized community still can’t help but marginalize others” but also compared it to racial segregation and lesbians to racist whites defending Jim Crow laws.
The last sentences of her article are “We’re all queer. Get the fuck used to it.”

That’s not even the worst part - supergiraffes wrote a post (not tagging them or anything) saying she was looking for books written by lesbians, with a lesbian main character, and this publishing house that claims to be a lesbian company publishing lesbian fiction replied on her post telling her to check out their books since they are “by and for queer ladies.” When supergiraffes said she was specifically looking for lesbian, not queer books, Ylva Publishing replied that they “used the term queer because not everyone looking for ‘lesbian books’ is determined to exclude all other queer women from the narrative.”
When a lesbian writing a post on her own personal blog about how hard it is to find any book that reflects her experiences is immediately shut down by a lesbian publishing house who writes “lesbian books” in scare quotes and scolds her for being “determined to exclude all other” groups, I think we can say we’ve hit rock bottom.

As you say, all of this “has non-lesbians at the helm.” That’s exactly the point Julia Robertson was making in that article I just reblogged - “Publications that are lesbian in name, make it seem like we’re okay with redefining ourselves, erasing ourselves… We’re not. Someone needs to fight and give lesbians a voice. Because lesbians don’t currently have a voice. We have the illusion of a voice. And the silencing of lesbian voices within the alphabet is unparalleled. It’s 2017 and we’ve been so heavily censored, that we’ve gone underground.”

I Don’t Think Jacob’s Captors Let Him Go By Accident

by reddit user nowwegotcha

Jacob became one popular dude during my sophomore year of high school, two years ago. In the middle of the year, he just showed up. His family had moved him away from their old home, but his reputation somehow got loose in the hallways.

At the age of twelve, Jacob had been kidnapped from his home in the middle of the night. His parents had been apparently drugged by an unknown person, and their son had been stolen. No one even called the police until the parents woke up. No witnesses, fingerprints, ransom notes, nothing.

Keep reading

Today is special.

Why?

Because today is the 4th anniversary of a group of boys who started from the bottom and climb, and are still climbing as high as they can.

These boys are Bangtan Boys also known as BTS.

Originally posted by sannal2054

For me BTS is one of the most special groups to exist.

Because not many groups are willing to tell their stories.

BTS does not have to rely on buying song after song after song. After all, they have the freedom to produce, experiment, write and create the art they want to create. It is amazing to see a group of people who write in an industry where many companies opt out of letting their idols write and create and instead choose to mostly buy songs, giving their artists minimal freedom in many cases. BTS, however, does have that freedom and uses it to their full advantage.

Originally posted by meandmyopinionss

Look at the solo songs or any of their solo work as an example.

Rap monster tackles society, Illness, pressures and so much more in his songs. He shows worry for the new generations and generations to come faced with injustice, anxiety and depression. He worries about his members and shows understanding and compassion. In fact, he uses lyrics as an expression of his inner struggle and philosophical thoughts and in turn opens conversations that are very much needed in society. He works hard to communicate with all the fans and in general, he works hard to communicate with people. He does not just show interest in his fans but in society as a whole.

Originally posted by momo-foam

Suga too wanted his voice to be heard. He said it himself, he was not content with just rapping. He wanted people to listen to what he has to say too. And definitely, Yoongi has a lot to say. At first, he seemed like such a closed person, but his mixtape gave everyone such an amazing insight into his mind. From the depression, to self hate, to allusions to suicide and social anxiety he bears his soul to all, in turn trying to help others realise that they are not the only ones going through a hard time. And if he continues to recover(because I believe that even if one gets better, some demons still remain and always have to be fought)  then hopefully so can we. And also, how can one not love a man who reveals a song called ‘first love’ only to reveal that his first love was his piano, when that is such a beautiful and sincere confession.

Originally posted by junghosyub

J-Hope’s mixtape is one I definitely cannot wait to hear. Because I feel like he is a member who also has a lot he wants to say without any constraints. Hoseok ’s song ‘mama’ just showed how amazing he is as a person. He had a solo song in the Wings album, like all the members and he chose t write a loving and sincere song thanking his mum for all that she has ever done for him. For how she loves and supports him in this difficult path. He seems to struggle with feeling like he is not good enough. As a member or son. I hope that’s not true. He also shows his emotion through his dance.

Originally posted by gdiminyoongi

Not these three members show us the most of what they are feeling through writing and producing. However, the other 4 are also working hard on developing as writers, amazing sure to develop and also express themselves.

Taehyung showed his inner turmoils and  guilt over an unknown action or feeling in stigma as he apologise see to his brother and sister and even worked with Namjoon to produce a new song, showing a different side of him, as well as a different singing technique deciding to tell different stories with his voice and songs. Taehyung is also proving himself to be a very good actor, telling more than than just his story.

Originally posted by pjkook

Jungkook, in my opinion, seems to struggle most with expressing himself. And I believe that that is normal. After all from a young age he has been a trainee with means that most things kids get to experience such as relationships, getting in trouble, love, sex and more this teen was not allowed to have. He was too busy being 'manufactured p’, as some may say, to be the perfect idol. However, since he grew up in the public eye for quite a long time we see how his story is his progress as he tries to gain confidence and express himself asking Namjoon for help with his songs 'Begin’ as well as by releasing amazing covers.

Originally posted by jeonity

Jimin, like Hoseok shows his emotions through dance but also has shown us how he can communicate through his vocal colour and his emotional expression. He worked on 'LIE’ showed confusion, loss and heartbreak as he is 'caught in a lie’ and while we do not know the reason for these emotions we can appreciate them better and can relate them to us and our situations.

Originally posted by jikookfantasy

Lastly, Jin is the member, who I believed was the least able to express himself, not because he doesn’t want to but because he doesn’t have the opportunity to showcase his stories as much. However, his solo song 'Awake’ is a true gift. It tells the story of a boy, not a man but a boy, who comes to the heartbreaking belief that yes, he may never be able to reach the top like others but he will continue to work just as hard and give his all to be better and better and better. It shows his loyalty and passion and that is what I love about Jin. But I would really love to see Jin tell other, different stories through acting.

Originally posted by catchsuga

So as you see they all have something to say and they all try their best to say it.
and let’s not forget all the amazing choreographies

And let’s not forget just how close their bond is

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Originally posted by pkjmnie

Originally posted by yoongiski

So thank you Kim Seokjin for always making us laugh, for being so kind and caring.

Thank you Min Yoongi for opening up to us and inspiring  us

Thank you Jung Hoseok for being a true sunshine, giving strength to all

Thank you Kim Namjoon for working so hard to create and for always choosing BTS and freedom of speech

Thank you Park Jimin for being so supportive, always being there for your me,beds, hugging them and making them feel supported and loved

Thank you Kim Taehyung for showing us your different sides and working so hard at writing.

Thank you Jeon Jungkook for showing us all your different talents and inspiring us to try new things.

Thank You BTS for being a part of out loves.

Thank you to all the staff for working so hard for our boys success, be it makeup lighting or anything else.

Thank you to all the managers, the CEO and anyone else helping them on their journey.

Thank you to the parents and family of the members for giving birth to such amazing, kind and talented people.

Originally posted by trashoferverything

Originally posted by lostinbangtan

As always, I hope BTS is healthy both physically and mentally and  that they know we are here for them and that we will always love and support them.

Originally posted by allforbts

BTS is already perfect as is and it is  we, ARMYs that have to keep replaying these boys because they do so much for us. They say and create so much for us. BTS is kind, thoughtful, they love their fans, show respect to all and are extremely humble, not taking what they have for granted but rather strive forward to improve.

Originally posted by jhopeloviu

So thank you BTS for being BTS

I hope you will remain together for very long.

I hope there will be no serious drama between you.

And I hope that we can stand together, BTS and ARMYs for many years to come.

If we can’t understand we will try to understand your problems. So please do not push yourselves and harm yourselves. We do not want that under any circumstances.

Originally posted by fullfangirling27

I’m so proud of being an ARMY.

Originally posted by btstaehyunged

So thank you and happy anniversary

Thank you for reading

Extroverted and introverted versions of the signs
  • EXTROVERTED ARIES: Talks to everybody, even the people that they don't like. Smiles a lot, loves shopping and travelling, loves partying, can't keep them at one place when they're out at night. They have to visit all the nightclubs and bars. Loves shopping and dresses colourfully most of the time, but can be really competitive at times which makes them even mean. A big foodie and can't get enough of anything they do
  • INTROVERTED ARIES: Speaks only to their mom, wishes everyone else could just die because they hate everybody, but is actually very VERY nice to people. Loves cats and inspiring quotes but can be a real backstabbing bitch. Even though they're introverted, they still love being the most popular one
  • EXTROVERTED TAURUS: Talks to everyone about everything, can sit with a serial killer and have a normal conversation. Spends millions of dollars on food and coffee, hugs every animal they see on the street, has LOTS of friends, but tends to forget some of their friends because they constantly make new friends and don't have the ability to keep control over the communication with all of their friends
  • INTROVERTED TAURUS: Very passive, VERY LAZY, doesn't want to get out of bed, loves watching films and TV series, loves listening to music alone or with their partner, very caring and kind, loves animals and they think that they have the hidden magical ability to communicate with animals while it seems like they're just being foolish talking to every pet of their friends
  • EXTROVERTED GEMINI: Very communicative, a literal drama queen, has tons of acquaintances but hates almost everybody and almost everybody hates them. Has like only 3 real friends who do not use the Gemini because this Gemini simply doesn't know when to shut up. Talks to everyone and can be really bitchy at times. Doesn't know how to keep secrets and spreads gossip and rumors like 104% of the time. Loves shopping and art, but also loves hoeing around to death. Also, loves champagne - be it cheap or expensive, it just needs to be champagne (preferably pink).
  • INTROVERTED GEMINI: Loves staying in bed all day, twittering, sitting on tumblr and instagram and basically every single social media. Really talented but for like very strange things. Doesn't like eggs. Gets bored of people very often and can't stand staying with another person in the same room for more than 20 minutes. Constantly wants to go home but when they go home they don't know why the hell they went home - they realized that they liked staying outside better. Has a very interesting blog, tries to stay healthy and always tries to start their life anew, but they just can't give up on their vices, especially smoking. Loves comfort and velvet clothing. Likes reading magazines and loves the fashion world but they have no clue how to dress because they're too anxious about their choices. Their mind is so fast and they learn quickly
  • EXTROVERTED CANCER: Literally a SPAMMER. Spams everybody in real life too, not only on social media. Obsessed with anime and japanese things. Likes k-pop. Thinks they're the master but can be really boring sometimes because they just can't stop talking about topics that nobody is interested in. But very pure and good. Gets kinda hellish when they're angry, they can't control their temper even 1%. Really strong physically and doesn't get sick very often. Loves their friends and their family and always gives GREAT advice. Obsessed with cats and dogs and animals in global
  • INTROVERTED CANCER: Always draws some cute anime things on their notebooks, really intelligent but just can't study because they can't stay focused because they overthink everything. Really intense emotions but seems unemotional because they don't even show 20% of their emotions. Has like only 1 or 2 friends, 3 tops. Loves their mom and is really connected with her. Has some hidden talents that nobody knows about, like, making pancakes or some weird shit that you could have never thought of. A really good cook
  • EXTROVERTED LEO: Gets on the verge of a nervous breakdown if they're not the center of attention. REALLY intelligent and learns really fast but there are things that they just can't learn, like, maths or some specific subject that makes them seem stupid. But they're not stupid, they're just over-enthusiastic about everything. Rolls their eyes very often and acts really bossy all the time. Loves people and loves visiting their friends and relatives. Doesn't like to get abused and manipulated while they use and manipulate people on a daily basis, just for fun. But can be easily manipulated into something, even if they're aware of that, because their pride doesn't let them "lose". Likes reading books and doesn't understand paintings. Thinks they're a good leader while they might lead people to hell .... just for fun.
  • INTROVERTED LEO: A cinnamon roll too pure for this world, learns things really quickly and loves helping people. They're a really good supporter. Totally connected to their cat and thinks their cat is secretly a human being or a miracle. Idolizes things and people. Quite afraid of things most of the time and really, really socially anxious but doesn't show it because their pride doesn't let them. But it can be obvious sometimes, believe me. Likes having long conversations with their friends, but has only one or two friends so they literally can't stop talking or typing when they're alone with their friend. Doesn't let their parents find out anything about themselves and makes everybody watch their favourite tv show
  • EXTROVERTED VIRGO: Really communicative and organized, a great leader, full of knowledge, doesn't really show their emotions by keeping a poker face most of the time. A really good supporter and knows how to lead people on the right way. A very good teacher in life. You can learn a lot from them. Their capabilities know no boundaries. Very, very intelligent and ambitious but not power-hungry... well, ok, sometimes. Really enthusiastic about the topic they're talking about but doesn't want anyone to find out that they're obsessed with that particular thing. Loves coffee and loves food. Always achieves their goals and it's mostly done the hard way
  • INTROVERTED VIRGO: Their mind is chaos, just unbearable. Certainly NOT organized, doesn't even know where they're going when they get out of their house. Hates most people and thinks that most people hate them, but really chill when they're outside with their friends. Just doesn't know how to communicate with people properly and they're really, really obsessed with themselves. They have a higher opinion on themselves (read egotistic). Intelligent but doesn't know how to use their intelligence and they always refuse advice
  • EXTROVERTED LIBRA: Communicative af, even when they don't know what they're talking about. Has knowledge in all spheres of life and is a really sweet cinnamon roll too pure for this world. Tons of emotions and needs constant reminders to stay organized like sticky notes and stuff. Has interesting style and has the best eyebrows. Really appealing and beautiful, both physically and mentally. Likes seeming normal just because they're keeping their kinky self for their partner. Really good in bed and really intelligent. Very, VERY committed once they find the true love of their life but can be a fuckboy/fuckgirl when they haven't found their true love because they love experimenting with people and is aware that they can get the most beautiful boyfriends and girlfriends
  • INTROVERTED LIBRA: Loves books and shopping and is really organized. Likes pastel colours and loves cats. Behaves like royalty and wants to be admired. REally feminine. A dreamy girl/boy who wants to find their soulmate. Enjoys coffee, tea, long walks and deep conversations. Likes staring through their window and is often absent-minded, daydreams a lot. Really good, genuine and kind. Cries after somebody hurts them but always forgives people and is really not combative. Likes poetry and loves speaking in public, although they're an introvert
  • EXTROVERTED SCORPIO: Loves meeting new people and can really be successful but often wastes that potential on getting drunk, partying, love and sex. But still, dazzles with their appearance and is really hot. Hides their low self-confidence by manipulating people and hurting others just to feel good and in control. Really loyal to the people who are their TRUE friends but often tends to skip going out with their friends because there's some diCc/puSsi on the plate. But still, loyal to death and never hesitates to reach their hand and help a friend in need of help. Can be really problematic and chaotic because they're unorganized but they live in their own world and know that everything is going to be okay
  • INTROVERTED SCORPIO: Way too socially anxious and doesn't care about anyone hurting their emotions. Really depressed most of the time but forgets about their depression when they're with their friends. They don't have too many friends because they're introverted af and they don't know how to communicate with people in public. Can be quite inappropriate but always knows how to make others laugh. Will act as a clown if it helps a friend to stop being sad. Really intelligent and rarely uses their intelligence and potential because they're busy eating tasty food while playing video games or watching movies. They're even socially awkward with animals - that's how far it goes with introverted people with this sign. But not to be mistaken, they're really good and emotional but they don't like showing their emotions in front of people, they think it makes them weak SADasd
  • EXTROVERTED SAGITTARIUS: Emotional as fuck. They're emotions are chaos and they're so fucking introverted that everybody can see what's going on in their life. In fact, they LOVE exposing themselves. Really physically beautiful, popular and active on social media. Has great aesthetics and is obsessed with shopping. Acts like royalty and loves commanding people. A little bit self-centered and egotistic and think that they're always right, so when somebody doesn't accept their opinion they instantly start raging about it
  • INTROVERTED SAGITTARIUS: Loves bossing people around, even though they're an introvert. Hates showing their emotions and can be a really big manipulator at times. However, very emotional and one of the biggest fighters there are. Really, REALLY intense. You don't want to see them getting mad. They can easily hurt you but you can easily hurt them too because they're fragile as fuck on the inside, but they will never admit that you've hurt them in any way because they're proud as fuck so nobody is messing with the queen
  • EXTROVERTED CAPRICORN: Really funny and interesting, talks to everybody about everything. Always says what's on their mind and loves buying unique things. Doesn't have good grades but that doesn't mean that they're unintelligent or stupid. On the contrary. Very intelligent and daydreams a lot, loves telling jokes and has a fucked up sense of humor. So unique. Loves money but doesn't like to admit it lmao. Very artistic and loves philosophy, animals, nature, music and languages. A fair player most of the time and knows how to support their friends. Selfless on the outside, selfish on the inside. Also, loves cooking some strange things which usually taste very weird but in a good way
  • INTROVERTED CAPRICORN: Doesn't speak at all and just sits there waiting for the world to end. You really just can't make them say a word because they're a little bit self-centered and they think that they don't have to waste their time talking to unimportant people about unimportant things. However, they can get really silly sometimes and burst off, even though they're an introvert. Can't stop talking about things they love, it's really strange how such a person who doesn't talk at all - turns into a youtuber the moment they find out that somebody likes the same things that they do. Money kinda rule their world and they really want to earn money with everything they do, but having no money doesn't stop them from achieving the things they want in life
  • EXTROVERTED AQUARIUS: You just can't see them sober. Parties, drugs, journeys, walks in nature and such things move their world. Just can't stop partying all the time. Has lots of friends and is really popular, probably is a DJ or a famous singer. Really seductive and beautiful physically. Simply everybody is their friend (except for the people they hate lmao) and they can always find someone to hang out with, because everybody wants to hang out with them. Really intense and quite bitchy most of the time, which makes them seem really arrogant but that's just how it is and they are fully aware of this
  • INTROVERTED AQUARIUS: You can't see emotions on their face. It's impossible. They might even question themselves if they're human beings because they aren't really aware of their emotions most of the time. Loves plants and things like aliens, unicorns, etc. Lives in a fantasy world and hates the real world. So impatient about everything and has nervous breakdowns when somebody complains about something they do. Really nice to people, even though they hate like 99% of them. Has probably a tumblr blog and rages on it about everything. Roasts famous people on twitter and doesn't even care about it
  • EXTROVERTED PISCES: Goal-oriented as fuck. Doesn't stop until they get what they want. REALLY emotional, maybe the sign with the most intense emotions out there. Is a really good friend with everybody but can be a little bit bitchy and arrogant at times, especially when things are not going their way. Actually, when it's hard for them to get or achieve something, they use manipulation to get what they want. As I said, their emotions are very intense so literally everything hurts them because they're sensitive as fuck. Eccentric af. When somebody hurts them in any way, they always find a way to hurt that person's back and nobody can even see that they're behind everything that's happening to that person. Sly. But very loyal to their real friends and will never let them down. When they love - they love with every piece of their soul and would put their heart into a person they love's hands, if it needs be. Because of their intense temper, sometimes they might seem like a fiery sign because they explode and hurt people really quickly
  • INTROVERTED PISCES: So fucking sensitive and their mind is chaos. Doesn't know what they're doing most of the time but in the end they always succeed in everything they do. People see them as fragile but that's just how they seem. They are actually really strong because they've been through a lot. Born with tremendous artistic tendencies and art is literally their life. They are very talented. Loves animals, shopping, nature, taking long walks, deep conversations and stargazing. Loves books and learning new weird languages and has tons of inside jokes with their 2 friends. They open up really hardly and they just don't let everybody in their life - they are really picky when it comes to people that they let in their life. Socially anxious as fuck and will look like a fool if they try to talk in public, so they avoid such situations

We’ve talked a lot about the repeated deaths, but that’s not all that can happen in this kind of situation. What kind of injuries do you think the IPRE dealt with until the year was up and they were reset?

Magnus loses an arm. It’s an early cycle and he shouldn’t have had to make that kind of sacrifice, but he did it to help someone else and no one is really surprised. No one knows what to do - should they offer to help him with things? Would that be insulting? When Magnus comes far too close to losing his other arm in the same year, he learns to ask for help when he needs it.

Merle is too close to an explosion and loses his hearing. Lucretia offers him one of her notebooks, and it’s both a wonderful idea and a mistake because he uses it both to communicate and to leave notes all over the ship. They’re very dad-like notes, commanding various crew members to pick up this mess or go do some chore. When they try to argue Merle just shakes his head and motions helplessly at his ears, even though they are writing him a note in return. It’s not long afterwards that they reach a world that has sign language and everyone learns the basics. 

Lup has been burned, badly, but it takes a while before she lets anyone help her manage the pain because she doesn’t want to feel better when she can’t do that for Taako because he died in a fucking fire. It’s Barry who finally catches her with her guard down late one night, and he and Merle find a combination of cooling spells and herbs that make the pain (the physical pain) more bearable.

Davenport is blinded, and for a while he won’t accept any help. He’s the captain, he’ll figure it out on his own. He tries to pilot the ship with muscle memory and crashes it somewhere remote, and he just screams in frustration at losing the one thing he’s the best at, even if it’s only for a year. He’s quiet for a while, not interacting and going through the motions as well as he can, until Magnus wanders into the cockpit and asks what the big, red button is for. Davenport explains, more of the crew wander in, and he ends telling all of them about the ins and outs of their vessel. It’s a good day, and after that (both that year and after) he spends less time in the cockpit and more time with his family.

Lucretia can’t walk anymore, not easily and then not at all, so Magnus offers to give her piggyback rides everywhere she wants to go whenever she wants. Lup and Barry make her a chair (permanently levitating so that stairs aren’t an issue), but she finds she likes the company while exploring the new towns. She takes up Magnus’s offer more often than anyone expects her to.

A landslide that takes Lup catches Taako, too; he takes a serious blow to the head. When he wakes up he doesn’t speak, and doesn’t really look at anyone. But he listens to them, he can hear them, and eventually Lucretia picks up some journals and sits with him. At first she reads, but eventually she just shares interesting things that happened that day and gossip; even though his expression doesn’t change she can tell he’s enjoying the conversation from the way his ears flick around with as much movement as always. When the year is done they still gossip, but it’s never one-sided. (Except when it is, years and years later. Taako has a bad day and Lucretia offers to read to him, and he lets her. It’s a little sign that things are… better. Improving.)

One year there are days Barry hurts too much to walk on his own, and Lucretia’s chair makes a second appearance. Lup isn’t there, or Magnus or Merle, so the ship is quiet more often than not… until Taako and Barry go barreling down the hallway together clinging to the chair and targeting Davenport of Lucretia. It shouldn’t be funny but it is - one light and fun moment during a particularly bad cycle.

Things We Learnt From the First Wave of EW Coverage

1. Luke believed Ben Solo was the chosen one

[Luke] made a huge mistake in thinking that his nephew was the chosen one, so he invested everything he had in Kylo, much like Obi-Wan did with my character,” Hamill says. “And he is betrayed, with tragic consequences. Luke feels responsible for that. That’s the primary obstacle he has to rejoining the world and his place in the Jedi hierarchy, you know? It’s that guilt, that feeling that it’s his fault, that he didn’t detect the darkness in him until it was too late.”

LOL, what a mess.

2. Luke gives Rey a chilly reception - and forces her to confront her sense of abandonment afresh

Luke definitely does not give Rey the warm welcome he received when he went in search of Alec Guinness’ Ben Kenobi in 1977’s original Star Wars. She is warned. She is given an explanation. Nevertheless …“She’s so hopeful to everything,” Ridley says. “And obviously there’s a hint of, ‘What the hell?’”

This rejection hits Rey’s abandonment issues. Hard.

Luke’s brush-off makes Rey miss the gruff warmth of Han Solo, Ridley says, giving us a peek inside the head of her character: “’Oh my God, this other man that I lost within a couple days was somewhat of a father figure. Now he’s gone, and instead I’m with this grumpy guy on an island who doesn’t want me here.’” 

But Ridley says Rey is also placing huge expectations on Luke. She arrives on the island of Ahch-To, site of a primitive Jedi temple, not to become a hero herself, but to shove Skywalker back into the fight. “I don’t think one girl, who he doesn’t know, turning up with a lightsaber is gonna make him go, ‘Oh, s—, yeah, of course I’ll get back into the action,’” Ridley says.

Poor bb Rey.

3. Kylo is fascinated by Rey 

As we know, the young scavenger was ditched as a child on the hardscrabble junkyard world of Jakku by unknown parents and left for years to survive on her own. But lately, she has gotten accustomed to making fast friends, like BB-8, Finn, Chewbacca, and General Leia Organa. Even the murderous Kylo Ren became fascinated by her strength and resilience after kidnapping her.

No shit.

4.  Ahch-To is home to a quasi-nunnery populated by vaguely amphibious caretakers - and they merely tolerate Luke Skywalker’s presence 

They’re kind of these sort of fish-bird type aliens who live on the island,” Johnson says. “They’ve been there for thousands of years, and they essentially keep up the structures on the island. They’re all female, and I wanted them to feel like a remote sort of little nunnery,” Johnson says. “Neal Scanlan’s crew designed them, and costume designer Michael Kaplan made these working clothes that also reflected sort of a nun-like, spartan sort of existence.”They can communicate with Luke through what Johnson describes as “a blubbery sort of Scottish fish talk” but they’re not thrilled to have him hanging around. Johnson says they “tolerate” his presence.

Please let this be Black Narcissus with extra aliens.

5. We’ll learn more about Snoke’s nature and goals - but don’t expect his lifestory

Johnson says The Last Jedi will reveal more about Snoke and his goals, but his history will remain somewhat murky. “Similar to Rey’s parentage, Snoke is here to serve a function in the story. And a story is not a Wikipedia page,” the filmmaker says. “For example, in the original trilogy, we didn’t know anything about the Emperor except what Luke knew about him, that he’s the evil guy behind Vader. Then in the prequels, you knew everything about Palpatine because his rise to power was the story.” In The Last Jedi, Johnson says, “we’ll learn exactly as much about Snoke as we need to.”

Hahahaha at all the emptiness of the inane Snoke speculation.

6. Snoke is no puppet on a string 

Will we see Snoke performed as a real-life puppet? “No, it’s entirely a mo-cap performance,” Johnson says. “[Creature designer] Neal Scanlan built a maquette that we had on set for lighting reference and to give the actors a sense of what it was going to feel like. And then we scanned that and [Industrial Light & Magic] used that in their renderings, but Snoke will be an entirely CG creation.”

Don’t take anything for granted - least of all spoiler reports!

7. Finn starts out desperate to leave the fight and find Rey 

It got really real for him,” Boyega tells EW. “And he just wants to get away and not be involved. His intention in the first place was to go to the Outer Rim. He was always brought back [in The Force Awakens,], but this is his chance to get away and perhaps find Rey and go off together. He’s trying to do that at first.”

I have a funny feeling of deja-vu!

8. Rose is a true nobody

Poe Dameron is super cool. Finn’s super cool. Even though [Rose] is good at what she does, she’s not known,” Tran says. “She’s not cool. She’s this nobody, this background player, which is what makes her interesting. She’s not the best. She’s not royalty. She’s someone who is just like everyone else.”

Rose is a gearhead, a grease monkey, a behind-the-scenes jack-of-all-trades, while her sister Paige (played by Veronica Ngo) is the dynamic one — a Resistance gunner who fights on the front lines alongside Resistance luminaries like Poe Dameron, Oscar Isaac’s X-wing ace.

Rose - nobody or not - sounds pretty awesome, imho.

9. Rose and Finn drive each other forward - but people can struggle to live up to others’ expectations

Rose is starstruck by Finn: “He appreciates the adoration for a second, but when he meets her, Finn is trying to escape the whole war. He’s trying to leave,” Boyega says. “And she comes in and basically gives him a depiction of himself that wasn’t necessarily true.” But he likes the impression Rose has, the vision she has of him. A good guy. A brave guy. Seeing himself through her eyes gives the ex-Stormtrooper something to live up to. “It’s now an opportunity for him to be the best he can be. He has to make a decision, and Rose is there to help him make that choice.”

It shouldn’t be a spoiler to reveal that, yes, she helps Finn stay in the fight, although the urge to get out is still burning inside him.

Also… living up to Rose’s high expectations is not a task anyone can truly fulfill.

Colour me intrigued…

#switching #owling #bumping into each other

Prompts: @crazyconglasses
Author: @queenofthyme

Dearest Potter,

My mother insists that I write you to formally thank you for speaking on behalf of us at the Wizengamot. Without your testimony, we most certainly would have faced time in Azkaban.

So: thank you.

If you were expecting any heartfelt words of gratitude, then you’ve mistaken me for those hero worshippers who submit their amateur poetry about you to The Daily Prophet. Even as a child, I could write better poetry than that. 

Hoping to never speak to you again,

Draco Malfoy


Malfoy,

Please pass my appreciation on to your mother. I sincerely hope she is well.

As for you, I don’t need or expect your gratitude. That’s not why I helped you. You wouldn’t understand this of course, but those of us who have a heart, help others simply just to help others.

I also happen to enjoy and appreciate the notes people leave in The Daily Prophet for me. I’ve never heard any poetry from you, so I wouldn’t be so quick to throw stones.

Wishing you horrible misfortune,

Harry Potter


Don’t give me that load of crock, Potter. Even heroes have ulterior motives.

I also highly doubt you enjoyed last week’s poem: “I see Harry Potter’s emerald eyes, they sparkle and shine, all magic defies.” What does that even mean?

Seeing through your media-trained lies,

Draco Malfoy


Malfoy. You only think I’m lying because you can’t comprehend anyone’s perspective but your own.

That poem was heartfelt and thoughtful. I have a copy of it on my fridge - that’s a muggle appliance.

Rejecting your rude assumptions about me,

Harry Potter

Keep reading

the signs as friends

aries: they will be direct about how they like you, but they’ll roast you to compensate. “i love you…. you dumbass.” when you first befriend them, their humor may come across as bold or inappropriate. the future of your friendship essentially depends on if you laugh or find it stupid. and if you do laugh, there will be plenty more where that came from. but when you need help, their serious, emotional side will emerge to support you.

taurus: taurus can be moderately social and gets along with many, but you will know if you are one of their close friends. they will find activities you both enjoy to spend time together. hell, they’ll even find activities only you like and take an interest to make you happy. they listen to your stories, even if they see pointless or silly and give sound advice any hour of the day.

gemini: gemini wants a friend who isn’t afraid to get in trouble or try new things. they’re the friend who always has something for the two of you to do, as long as you’re game. while they’re not much for staying in or having a quiet night, outings with gemini are often memorable and worth the trip. though at the end of the day, they’re willing to slow down and make sure you’re doing well. their advice may not be the most logical, but they know how to cater to your emotions and cheer you up.

cancer: you know you’re a cancer’s friend when you share a hoard of inside jokes. if they care about you, they tend to remember little details about you that you may not remember telling them. cancer and their friends will share sarcastic banter and teasing jokes. until the day you’re upset-then they’ll put their usual antics aside and be there for you. cancer is sensitive and will detect your true feelings, especially if you are close.

leo: leo loves a spontaneous friend, like gemini. friendship with a leo likely involves many fun outings. these probably include activities you would’ve never found had it not been for them. that being said, leo is often content to sit and talk for ages when you have a connection. just be sure to remind them of their importance to you, and they will be a generous, long term friend.

virgo: once you are close, virgo may take on the role of mom friend. they will joke with you, but also look out for you. whether you are hurt physically or emotionally, virgo will be there, often with verbal support. at times, they may seem like a lecturing elder, but it’s only because they care. you may have to encourage them to relax once in a while, but once they do, they are just as fun as anyone else.

libra: libra often take a liking to many people, though from afar. if you approach them first, you’re likely to get a friendly response. if you’re close friends, a libra will be grateful to have someone to open up to and laugh with. they can become someone to count on and share ideas with, no matter how silly your thoughts may seem. they are also genuine, kind listeners. as long as you give them the same in return, libra will be a sweet, caring best friend.

scorpio: scorpio needs a friend who probably likes them more than vice versa- at least at first. their sense of humor can be similar to that of aries, though they may continue to tell their brand of jokes even if you don’t like them. they are unabashedly themselves, and they need a friend who accepts that. and if you do, scorpio may view you as one of their closest companions. scorpio develops a deep love for their friends and would defend them in a heartbeat.

sagittarius: sagittarius often attracts friends rather than approaches them. potential friends may admire their sense of humor or independent spirit. though they seem independent, they always have room for friends in their life. they may not verbally communicate their appreciation often, but you will notice it through their texts or time spent together. if a sagittarius wants to befriend you, they may compliment you, or even seem jealous at first. (take this as a compliment too, and return the gesture. soon, you’ll get along just fine).

capricorn: this sign has two levels of friendship. you are either an acquaintance, or a treasure in their life. capricorn may seem to use friendliness as a means of social climbing, but when a friendship is real, they will give you all they have. this is why they usually only have a few close friends. if a capricorn shares a secret with you or looks to you for advice, it means you’re definitely doing something right. if you are a capricorn’s best friend, they may not say it, but rather show how deeply they care for you through gestures.

aquarius: aquarius probably considers anyone who hasn’t overtly offended them as their friend. that being said, there is a difference between their friends and the people they spend time thinking about. to be an aquarian’s close friend means being someone they may secretly admire. they love someone that can impress them in some way, but they are not superficial. their best friend must be able to support them in their vulnerable times, as rare as they may seem. in return, you will have an unconditional friend.

pisces: again, a sign that seems to love everyone. pisces is like a puppy that just wants some time with everyone around them. if you are on a deeper level with pisces, they will always be sure to let you know they love you, oftentimes verbally. they may be tactile and enjoy hugs/hand holding etc more than the other signs. a pisces friend is a friend for life, even if you do not speak for a while. they will remember your connection, though be sure not to take advantage of this and please remind them how you love them too.

How to win the sign’s heart

Aries:  Be persistent, calls and texts and conversations about everything and anything catches their interest.  Also be willing to go with their plan.  An Aries will be most attracted to someone with ambition and a dream, just as long as it fits with theirs.

Taurus:  A Taurus will be attracted to an uplifting friend, someone who wants to pick everyone’s spirits up.  Validation and attention is very important.  A Taurus will be attracted to someone with an appreciation for the things important to them, someone who will listen to their opinion and respect it.

Gemini:  Gemini is incredibly different from most people.  They want to talk, but they don’ t want to be around people.  Show them that you understand their swings, or at least are trying to.  Let them play their music when you hang out, let them show you the places they find exciting.  A gemini will be attracted to someone who is weird and unlike the rest, accept your strangeness and be proud for it.

Cancer:  Be loving, sensitive, and treat them kindly.  Also be conscious of the fact that some cancers like to do things their own way, even the little things like using the vacuum, they do their way because it is best.  Cancers love the cheesy rom-com type.  Plan cute little outings and show them you can be the sweetest person alive.  Cancers are attracted to people who live for fairy lights, Christmas, and cuddles.

Leo:  They like people who dress and look well, you don’t have to be the prettiest person in the world, but act like you are.  Don’t be confused though, they do not like cocky people, just confidence.  Take care of yourself and spend time on your look.  Leos are not attention seeking in the way that they want the world to revolve around them, but more in the way of they want you to check in or respond quickly to their texts.  Leos are attracted to the happy, secure, and fashionable.

Virgo:  Virgos will look at how you treat others and what your mind is like.  They like people who show they have depth and the willingness to learn.  Reading books and having a large vocabulary will make you look extremely desirable.  Be their partner in learning a new language, or trying a new exercise program.  Virgos also like the luxurious things in life, keeping your living space clean and keeping up with the times will win you a place on their list.  Virgos are attracted to the kind, respectful, and intellectual.

Libra:  Treat a Libra like they are you world, and know that they will be understanding when you cannot always be talking.  Be cute with them and show you have an interest in dorky things, they find this interesting.  Movie marathons, reading books, and having a poetic nature is attractive to them.  Libras often have a diverse population in personality.  They either want the popular to be on the homecoming court with their girlfriend or boyfriend.  If not that, they want a partner in singing a duet or dancing.  Libras are attracted to those who are naturals in being companions.

Scorpio.  A scorpio will be very analytical about the person they date, the person will often be a reflection of them.  Scorpios see what you wear, how you do your makeup, how you show your personality by external appearances.  If this scorpio is the stoner, skater, let’s watch the regular show until 3 AM type, they will be attracted to those who showcase they are similar throw fashion and expression.  A scorpio is attracted to an interesting and exciting personality, someone to decode.

Sagittarius:  Sagittarius doesn’t want to sit around all day when it comes to dating.  They want to talk about travel and they want to go somewhere.  Express your interest of going on daytrips to unusual places, like uncharted ghost towns and a ski town hours away from your local suburbia.  A Sagittarius is often attracted to someone who’s first language isn’t theirs, who belongs to a different religion, or someone who comes from a separate culture all together (being from a different part of the country or the world).  Sagittarius is attracted to people from far away, or who have the dream to go far away.

Capricorn:  Give Capricorn your full attention, for whatever they might be talking about.  A Capricorn will fill the house with conversation, it is their first instinct for expression.  Don’t be condescending to yourself, them, or other people.  Show that you are confident in yourself to the point that you do not need to drag others down.  Capricorn do not get along well with the overly emotional, as they are sometimes a lot more busy thinking about themselves than anyone else.  Be able to understand sarcasm and deliver it back.  Capricorn are attracted to the intelligent, independent, and reliable.

Aquarius:  An Aquarius will be drawn to those who make themselves know, not always in the way of being outgoing though.  They like those who express themselves in creativity, whether this be drawing, painting, dancing, film, etc. they will appreciate it beyond measure.  Aquarius likes the people that understand space, that it is okay to be alone for a while and to need to not be with people all the time.   Give them time to make the first move.  An Aquarius will be attracted to those that go with the flow and want to make their dreams work.

Pisces:  Pisces are interesting people.  They are emotional, and in these emotional times they might want a hand to hold, or they want you to leave them the fuck alone.  Pisces want someone who can keep up with their ever-changing wants and needs.  Like gemini, they want to surround themselves with the weird who are proud to be different.  Pisces is attracted to easygoing commitment. 

Are You A Koreaboo?

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject.

So, yes- Koreaboos are a thing. They exist, and they can be annoying, but whatever. Do your thing. Hopefully they grow out of it though. This post will not be about all of the annoying things that Koreaboos tend to do. Instead, this post will be about how to differentiate between someone who is a Koreaboo, and someone who is not. Because apparently, there is a lot of confusion surrounding this topic. 

Some things commonly used to identify Koreaboos are-

  1. They listen to K-Pop
  2. They watch K-Dramas
  3. They write fanfiction (about people associated with the previous two)
  4. Learning Korean

None of those things indicate a Koreaboo. Someone liking K-Pop just means they like music, regardless of the language. Someone liking K-Dramas just means they like a TV show that they need subtitles for. Writing fanfiction is something a lot of people do if they like a certain celebrity, and why would that change just because the person is of a different race? Also, it’s a good way to improve a person’s writing skills in a way they can enjoy. Learning Korean is probably the worst reason to label someone as a Koreaboo, because it’s a language. People are typically required to learn a foreign language in high school, and for a lot of schools, the options are limited to Spanish or French. So, it’s totally understandable as to why you might want to learn something other than those two. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with challenging yourself to learn a new language, and it looks good on applications, especially since it’s less common for people to know Korean as a second, (third, fourth, etc), language than it would be for Spanish or French. In short, having an interest in something that happens to be Korean does not make you a Koreaboo.

So what does make someone a Koreaboo?

The short and general answer would be OBESSION. However, fangirling does not qualify, because it’s likely that someone would fangirl over any celebrity they like, not just Korean ones. Let’s just jump right into this and list a few things that make a person a Koreaboo-

  • They act like they know everything about Korea
  • They try to look Korean
  • They try to ‘act’ Korean
  • They get overly excited about everything remotely related to Korea 
  • Only listen to Korean music (+ brag about it)
  • Are only attracted to Asians
  • If they find someone attractive only because they are Asian (not even necessarily Korean, because they don’t care about the difference)
  • Only eat Korean foods and get upset if they can’t
  • If they lie and say they are Korean or that they lived in Korea
  • Only use common Korean phrases, and use them often (ex. 안녕하세요, 진짜, 누나, 오빠, 언니, etc), usually with horrible pronunciation, and use romanization when writing/typing them (this one is more of just an annoying habit people may have, because no one has a problem with the random use of Spanish words like hola or adios)

There are plenty of other things a lot of Koreaboos do, and not all of them do ALL of these things. I’ve just listed some common indicators. Now, this post is already rather lengthy, (I could go on and on), so I’ll state the main difference in bold text.

The difference between someone who is a Koreaboo and someone who isn’t is:

Having an interest in something that happens to be Korean vs. Having an interest in something because it is Korean.

This post is not meant to shame anyone, and PLEASE feel free to explore your interests without fear of judgement, because you have that right. And if something makes you happy, just tell that annoying ranting girl on Tumblr to fuck off, and go be yourself. Just maybe take it down a few notches, because you low key seem a little crazy sometimes. Also, if you are interested in something that happens to be Korean and you want to try something else from there (like kimchi or  비빔밥) GO AHEAD. I only made this post, because so many people accuse others of being Koreaboos with literally zero backup for their claim. So, think before you label, or just keep your judgey mouth shut, thanks. 

[TRANS] ‘Seventeen’ Magazine 2017 Aug Issue - BTS Interview (P1)

Scan © myheaven0624
JPN - KRN © mondomizel1
KRN - ENG © ktaebwi

RAP MONSTER

- Why are you called “the destruction god”?
JIN: He might seem intelligent and cool, but he’s actually very slow and clumsy. He breaks all kind of stuffs in our dorm from electronic equipment to kitchen tools. That’s why we call him “destruction god”. (laughs)

- What’s your favorite place?
RAP MONSTER: The lake park nearby. I really like going for a walk at the park on nice days.

- What do you want to do in Japan?
RAP MONSTER: Shopping!! There are many clothing brands I like in Japan. If I go to Japan for work, I can’t eat out much, not to speak of shopping… But it’s okay. I’m not upset. I want to travel off-work to Japan and have fun as much as I want some day!

JIN

- What are you interested in these days?
JIN: Nintendo DS. I always play it whenever I can, in my room or in the car. I have to fly a lot because of the world tour, so It’s a perfect way to kill time.
JIMIN: I bought one right before going to Japan because of Jin-hyung too. Just a few more week and other members will be into this too for sure. Except Suga-hyung. (laughs)

- You’re called the trendsetter of the group, is it true?
JIMIN: Once Jin-hyung is into something, other members will somehow be into it too. It happens a lot. The only exception is Suga-hyung, he’s way too unwavering. (laughs)

SUGA

- What are you interested in recently?
SUGA:
There’s a convention about music equipment from all over the world, I watch the videos from that convention and check out the newest equipment. I’ve been liking up-to-date equipment since I was young. I adopt computers or electronic equipment faster than anyone else. 

- Any episode that can tell you’re like a music maniac?
RAP MONSTER:
His room is flooded with equipment. Those music equipment emit so much heat that his room’s hot like hell!! No one would be able to stand it without air conditioner. We plan not to come near his room in the summer. (laughs)

J-HOPE

- Tell us J-hope’s secret!
V:
A secret would no longer be a secret if it’s disclosed. But if I have to tell one… He gave me a present not long ago, a watch I wanted to have, as a surprise. He even put in a handwritten letter ♡

- What is the main choreography point in ‘Blood, Sweat & Tears’?
J-HOPE:
The ‘blood, sweat and tears’ chorus. The dance move of stroking from the neck to the face like wiping tears!

- If you can live one day as another person, who do you want to be?
J-HOPE:
Jungkook. I want to be young. What do I want to do? Hmh, I think I would do nothing like a maknae would!

JIMIN

- Where does your nickname (Slow Jimin) come from?
RAP MONSTER:
The reason we call him that… It’s because Jimin’s always late. (laughs) He wakes up late and does many thing slowly. He tends to be slow.

- Anything you were slow on recently?
JIMIN:
May 8th is Parents’ Day in Korea. It’s like ‘Father’s Day’ and ‘Mother’s Day’ in Japan, a day for children to express their gratitude to parents. I wanted to give them something on that day, but I kept thinking of what to give to make them happy… Two months passed and now I still can’t decide what to give. I’m late with presents too. (laughs)

V

- If you can live one day as another person, who do you want to be? 
V: No one. I know the members too well so there’s probably nothing I want to know from becoming them. And I know every secret of Jimin and Jungkook. Right? Right?
JUNGKOOK: …….Right. (laughs)

- What is V’s secret?
JUNGKOOK: He sometimes pretends to be cool. He’s always playful but on some certain days he can be cool depending on his mood. I was saying “Those who are good at English are so cool” and he suddenly spoke in English. He started to appeal himself “I’m cool right?”. It’s cute.
V: That’s right. I’m cute ♡

JUNGKOOK

- If you can live one day as another person, who do you want to be?
JUNGKOOK: Rap Monster-hyung. He’s really smart. I want to be smart too!

- No one can beat me on this!
JUNGKOOK:
Listening to music. I listen to music all the time. Also I don’t lose when it comes to passion. My heart is flaming more than anyone else!! I’m warm-hearted ♡

- Tell us Jungkook’s secret!
J-HOPE:
Secret.. Does he have any? We live together all the time so I don’t know what is a secret anymore. (laughs) Should I say it’s that Jungkook has a lot of greed? Not like doing as he pleases but in a good way. He’s greedy like “I want to challenge this to improve myself”!

P2

anonymous asked:

Wait, i just... I need to ask you 'cause i'm really confused. You think sheith will be canon? Please don't take it as an attack, you can of course ship it in fanon but i really don't see how it could ever happen in canon? It's been mentioned multiple times that Shiro is a mentor/brother figure to Keith (and even said by Keith in the show) and hinted that there's this big age gap, and we actually saw Keith in his student uniform while Shiro's wearing his teacher one in the flashback so?? pls tell

Alright, so–the fact of the matter is, I just don’t see how Shiro or Keith could end up with anyone besides each other in canon. All of their major character development coincides with one another, they’re each integral to each other’s story arcs. They care for one another first and foremost, are closer to each other than anyone else. Keith in canon has this desperate desire to see Shiro–in his trial, Kolivan says as much. Keith’s constant fear of losing Shiro and this sense of longing for him–you don’t see that in a platonic, brotherly relationship. Keith’s fear of Shiro walking away and abandoning him is far more characteristic of unrequited love. 

Shiro and Keith’s dynamic is built up like a romantic relationship rather than a brotherly one. It’s written with clear parallels to zaggar

and the dynamic is noticeably different from Matt and Pidge–two actual sibling characters. This isn’t an accident, it’s very much apart of the narrative. Compare the way Matt looks at Pidge to how Shiro looks at Keith. There’s an obvious difference:

Keith’s overarching quest to save Shiro “as many times as it takes,” is also incredibly romantic. The way Keith mourned Shiro like his grief was the only pain that mattered, like no one else could’ve possibly cared about Shiro the way he did, like he’ll keep carrying a torch even when everyone tells him Shiro would want him to move on, that reads far more like someone grieving a lost lover than a brother. And you could see it in how differently Pidge reacts to losing Matt. 

There’s also the fact that Shiro always gets these very personal, tender goodbyes with Keith, something you’d expect from a love interest. Not to mention how Shiro is the only one Keith will prioritize over the mission. And even Shiro and Keith’s first scene would’ve established them as clear love interests if Shiro were a girl. The longing gazes Shiro and Keith share certainly aren’t brotherly either. And so many sheith scenes are very purposefully given a mood, framing, and intimacy of romance. Consider how Keith reunites with Shiro in the first episode compared to him seeing the other paladins. The closeups, softness, and tender way Keith reaches out to turn Shiro’s head closer. Or how they both hug after the BOM like they’re the only two people in the world, with Allura staring on and then quickly turning away guiltily–as if she’s intruding on something very private and intimate.

Or how the reunion between Keith and Kuron was exclusively for them and no one else. No team, no loud excitement or group celebration. Just two people longing gazing out at one another as they slowly drifted into each other’s orbit. Or look at any scene where Shiro and Keith are having a tender heart to heart. They’re usually either under a sunset or lowlight. The bedroom scene is especially telling, particularly when you compare it to Keith’s talk with Lance afterwards

One shows Keith and Shiro in the dark and vulnerable, there’s a heavy atmosphere and gravity to the scene that you didn’t get with the lightheartedness from Lance. The way Keith and Shiro are so close yet so far, closer to one another than they’ve ever been with anyone else, but still backing away and holding their distance–that’s not brotherly. It seems more like two people who are trying to suppress their feelings and are afraid to make that breach. And there’s always that sense of gravity that draws them together anyway

There is the “Shiro, you’re like a brother to me,” line. But curiously, I’ve never seen anyone say kl/ance was impossible because Hunk throws his arms around Keith and Lance and says, “We’re brothers.” I’ve never seen people say ka/llura or all/urance or sha/llura is impossible because Allura says “I’ve grown to consider you and the paladins my new family.”

I’ve never seen people say you couldn’t ship Keith with anyone on Team Voltron because, prior to the brother BOM line, holo Shiro says, “We’re all the family you need.” We as in, everyone on team Voltron is seen as Keith’s found family. Keith singling out Shiro with his brother line response is interesting though, because–yes, he does see all of Team Voltron as family. 

But he only focuses on his bond with Shiro, because it runs much deeper than what he feels for everyone else. Focusing on one line out of context as if Keith and Shiro is the only instance of found family is really transparent to me. If you’re going to discount sheith for that, every other ship between Team Voltron is out too. All of them. 

And as a bi guy, I’ll tell you that I’ve pulled the “you’re like a brother/sister to me” card before because I was scared of admitting my feelings for someone and it was a way to backpedal out of the situation without worrying that the other person would leave me for it. And we do know Keith’s worst fear is feelings, know that Josh said “[Keith’s] constantly scared he’s gonna say or do something wrong and he’s gonna lose Shiro.” It makes sense for Keith to hide his feelings. Plenty of people who’ve felt romantic attraction have done something similar. Also–Harry and Ginny, Ed and Winry, Aang and Katara–why is it that thinking of someone as just being like a brother or sister and then having it evolve into something more is seen as a natural progression if you’re straight, but somehow doesn’t apply if you’re gay? 

We already know that age isn’t a problem in canon because Matt flirted with Allura. He did that. That was fine. Allura has been said to be about the same age as Keith (who started at 18 and now is either 19 or turning 19) and we know Matt is the same age as Shiro. They were in the same class, and they graduated together. One wears the cadet uniform though and one wears an officer uniform. This is because, despite age, they have different ranks. Shiro has never been referred to as a teacher and has only been acknowledged as a past student at the garrison by staff. And we also know that Shiro graduated only a few years prior to Kerberos. You also don’t go up to your teacher and say you think of them as a brother. That’s not how it works and they’re not student and teacher. And if Shiro mentored Keith a bit in piloting, I don’t see a problem. Katara mentored Aang in water bending, but they still got married.

Staff have repeatedly supported Shiro and Keith in a romantic context, and have done so since the very beginning. To the point where Shiro’s VA came up with the ship name for it and one of the episode Directors drew fanart of it. Doesn’t sound to me like they were trying to push the whole “brotherly” idea very much. 

And we’ve been told that the show runners are fighting for lgbt representation, and that it’s something they’ve been working towards since the very beginning, that the start of that has been there since the first season:

  • Lauren (after being asked about the lgbt rep in korrasami and whether Voltron would ever “take that step”): “We have those first 13 episodes and if we ever went beyond that, we would like to push the envelope.” (source here)
  • Will we be seeing any lgbt representation?
  • Lauren: “It’s super important to us.”
  • Joaquim: “Just know that from our prospective, we’re fighting to create as open and broad a spectrum of characters as we can.”
  • Lauren: “We can’t give you any definite answers, but just know that–”
  • Joaquim: “We’re fighting for as broad and open representation as we can.” 

The only possible relationship I can think of that could’ve grown between two characters since season 1, that the writers have been steadily growing and still supporting, that has even a fraction of a chance of happening and would be worth fighting for in how prominent and well written it would be–is sheith. I know people like kl/ance too, but the writers have already said point black it isn’t happening and have only used female pronounce to describe Lance’s future love interest:

  • Interviewer: “I feel like there was a little tease? It seems shippers want to ship Lance and Keith together, so are there gonna be any hints of that at all? Or is it just more like–okay, they’re friends, they’re starting to become friends.”
  • Lauren: “I think we had a very natural arc in mind for those two. Which is, they start out at odds, but then they grow to kind of respect each other. And if that leads into people being like–they’re spending time together! Then that’s a ‘thing,’ but…We’re not trying to cater to or bait anyone into anything, we’re just trying to do what’s right for the story.”
  • Joaquim: “We also try not to be overtly affected by what popular opinion might be.”
  • Lauren: “And we’re working in animation. Our schedule is so far in advance for that–even if people shipped Keith and Lance, we couldn’t go back and just change the story–to be like and now they’re in love!
  • Joaquim: “There’s just no way. We’re already years past that storyline, you know?” (source)
  • Interviewer: What would Lance look for in a future Mr. or Mrs. Blue Lion? I’m gonna guess she meant Red Lion now. I think she’s trying to fill out her space Tindr profile. But yea, what is Lance’s–And I like this, because Lance is kind of all over the place. He hits on anything that moves and is pretty, which all the aliens are pretty. But what would he look for, really, in a partner or a soulmate?
  • Lauren: I don’t know if Lance knows what he needs. I know what he might look for, but what he might look for is not necessarily what he needs. I think he needs someone who is self-assured and knows herself, so that he can kind of become that same person and know himself.   (source)

So if there’s going to be any lgbt relationship, I’m certain it’s sheith. Recently, Lauren has also talked about fans pointing out the sheith cameo at the garrison, and excitedly said, “I put that shit in there!” And added that, “Shiro was still his guiding light. It was good.” I honestly think part of why she got so enthusiastic over it was because they’re coming closer and closer to revealing a relationship they’ve worked very long on and fought hard for and have kept under wraps. This was also teased when Jeremy said, “Hey, backstory guys. There’s more of it.” And Joaquim added, “It exists!” So there is a big story there, and we’re definitely getting it. (source)

Unlike Matt and Pidge, any inkling of Shiro and Keith’s backstory prekerberos is something the narrative’s always very secretive about it. Why keep that hidden unless it was going to reveal something monumental about their relationship? Like say, Keith harboring feelings for Shiro? Even just throwing in this little cameo like that, people might say it’s nothing. But we saw a similar background cameo with Zarkon and Honerva in the Black Lion’s flashback–and that leads to a whole love story. It honestly makes sense to me if they were planning something similar with Shiro and Keith. 

Hot Off The Press

Another AU where Jacky-Boy is a hockey player and Bitty has a job that involves hockey bc that’s my aesthetic. Anyway, I really know nothing about how the world of sports journalism works so there is probably some inaccuracies in here, but it’s an AU so who cares. Artistic license and all that. Very slightly NSFW (i just wanted to get all the warnings out there). 

***

“Are you into men?”

Jack has been asked this question before, but in such a subtle way (and typically involving Parson) that it’s easy to avoid. No reporter has ever straight out asked him. Besides, he’s not gay. He’s bisexual. So when Jack usually tells them, “No.” it’s not a lie. However, this time it feels different. Maybe it wasn’t just this particular time, but all the times added onto each other that’s finally causing him to really think about what hole he’s digging himself into.

The blunt question has him feeling panicky and the other presser notice his reaction too. Jack can’t say no, because that’s not true. He is into men. Jack’s panic quickly shifts, and now he just feels like shoving the microphones away and storming out, because this is hockey goddammit. Not E! news.

“Excuse me?” Jack clears his throat, trying to buy himself some time to think of a properly crafted response. Over the years, he’s developed a talent for that.

But everything is on overdrive and he feels his breath start to quicken again–

“Are you into men?” Another reporter asks, and it takes Jack a moment to realize that the reporter isn’t asking him. He’s asking the man who popped the question in the first place.

 All attention, including Jack’s, turns to the small blonde that got lost in the bundle of people. He holds up his mic towards the reporter who popped the question in the first place. 

Keep reading

history of the entire world, i guess; a transcript

hi. you’re on a rock, floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you. how did this happen? a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why its been everywhere. it’s been so everywhere, you don’t need a “where”. you don’t even need a “when”. that’s how “every” it gets. (pause). forget this. i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start. and that’s exactly where it started. (background noise) woah. i… paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. (about no seconds later). great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a “proton” or a “neutron”. and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still to (HOT). (about ten minutes later). great news! the protons and the neutrons are now happily married to each other (some of them even doubled up). (about 380,000 years later). great news, the electrons have now joined in. congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together. it’s a staaaar. new shit just got made. some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into even crazier space dust. so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kinda made a mess. which is now the moon. weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside them and now there’s Hot Steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. weather update: its raining. severe flooding alert: the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert: that’s land. there’slifeintheocean. what? something’s alive in the ocean. oh cool, like a plant or an animal? no. a microscopic speck! it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. oh yeah, and it can do that. it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight. using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun. side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue. then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while, maybe even a coupla times. it’s a sponge, it’s a plant, it’s a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it’s the Cambrian explosion. “wow, that’s animals and stuff.” but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NoO. why? the sun is a deadly lazer. oh okay. not anymore there’s a blanket. now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet so i don’t care.” (100 million years later) ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here? “maybe,” said some bugs, and fish. “uh. uh. uh.” (five million years later) “ok so i can go on land but i have to go back in the water to have babies.” (idea) learn to use an egg. “i was already doing that.” use a stronger egg, and put water in it, have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg, baby, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean. aaand now everything is huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. ah fuck, now everything’s dead. just kidding here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one because its about to become the dinosaurs. here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. and the dinosaurs are gone. its mammal time! here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they’re gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like ‘that’. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make… pointed rocks. “ouch.” and set things on fire. “yeouch.” and make crazy sounds with their voice (“gneurshk.”) which can mean different things. that’s a human person. and now they’re everywhere, almost. ice age. what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore. i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review. there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food. fuck it, time to plant some grass. look at this, i control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next. more food, and more people who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in, and people to make the houses. and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come. and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people. and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power. sociiiety. coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing bronze, made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land. i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what - egypt. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also, china. and did i mention indusrivervalleycivilization. norte chico. the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east. knock knock- er, clop clop, it’s the people with the horses? and they made an empire! and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks, or a beta version of the greeks. let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization. they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china. new arrivals in india. maybe it’s thosehorsepeopleiwastalkingabout or theircousinsorsomething. and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff. you could make a religion out of this. there’s the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business. also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in god. just one though, he’s got like a ten step program. here’s some huge heads, must be the olmec. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. nevermind it’s the babylonian- median- it’s the persian empire. “wow, that’s big.” ah, the buddha was just enlightened! who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says, “get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye; time to conquer all of india- or most of india”. but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve got spices. who would like to buy the spices? “me,” said the arabians, swiftly buying them and selling them to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy. actually they have three main philosophies. out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload! “bye,” said the parthians, “bye,” said the jews. “hi,” said the parthians, taking over the entire place. “heyyyyyyyy,” said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular, and then gets arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china! they just made a brand new road to the world…or you can get there on water. “sick, new trade routes,” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again. “remember the persian empire? yup,” said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together. china is whole again…then it broke again. still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels. “hell yeah, now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves. “hi i live in the roman empire and i was wondering, is loving jesus legal yet?” “no” “actually ok sure,” said constantine, moving the capitol way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall. it’s the golden age of india. there’s the gupta empire. not chandragupta, just gupta, first name chandra, the first. guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. or actually, just half is just fine. but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the staaars. oh, and here’s a huge city, population everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together. how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this. and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors. here’s all the wisdom, in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom, just in time for the islamic golden age. “let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise, you’re the new roman emperor,” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france. the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have that much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north, and they find some land. two types of land, and they name them accordingly. they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as vikings. there’s the rus, the kievan rus. are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. ok, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire, the holy roman empire. it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms! christianizeallthekingdoms. which brand would you like? “mine’s better,” “mine’s better,” “mine’s better”. “time to conquer england,” said william. it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the seljuk turks. “ahh!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small it almost doesn’t exist anymore, “we need help!” they need help, so they call the pope. “hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you wanna take back the holy land.” “yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.” crusade. they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail, but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs, goodbye toltecs, hello mississippi. look at those mounds. there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who’s here? khmer. where? here, and pagan is there, and vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis. i bet that will last a long time! some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time. i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold. look at this chad (means lake), there’s an empire there, right in the middle of africa. the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said. the christians are doing a great job of conquering iberia which will soon be called spain and not spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you are still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming. china’s back, yay. hey khmer, time to share, new kingdoms here and there. oh look who controls all the islands, its the mahajapit. majahapit, mapajahit, mahapajit, mapajahit, majapahit? oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth. here’s a printer, lets make books. so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? “yep,” said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. whoops, you missed a spot; don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. “what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless. well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india. “wait,” said christopher colombus, probably smoking crack, “if the world is round, lets go this way to india!” “nah, don’t worry we already got this,” said portugal. so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to go find india by going around back of the world?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.” so he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean, and then discovers ‘the indies’ and ‘japan’. let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other. move over lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let’s make it the other kind of islam, the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy. hey christians, do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell. “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church, here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. “you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman, wearing an onion hat, “what if the ottoman empire was really big, which it is now.”  “what if russia was big,” said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade, and then that dream was real. and spain realised that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” question one: can you get to india through north america? no, but at least there’s beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question but the dutch did it anyway. sugar. guess where all the sugar’s made? in brazil. stolen! in the carribean, and it’s so goddamn profitable you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did, it’s britain. guess who’s broke? also britain. so they start taxing the hell out of america.

“fuck you,” says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it. france helps them win, now france is broke. and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a reli- no don’t. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?” wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back. luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin america wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains, and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. “hey china,” said britain, “buy stuff from us.” “nah, dude we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked actually, but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy-fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afganistan. also the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now, that’s just where he lives. india had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before. technology is about to go crazy. the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. “it’s bad,” they decided. and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land, and maybe kick out the mexicans too. “i know, let’s rape africa,” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia.  britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand. the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more. hawaii. cuba. wait spain controls cuba. “well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on them? let’s blame the maine on spain!” so they blame the maine on spain. now we’re in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go. china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns. it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany. russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government. now everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism, in the soviet union. the arabs revolt, and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind. “let’s cut the cake,” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire. except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey. and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. hello? yes, it’s the 1920s calling. let’s get in a car and drive to a party and listen to the jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever. just kidding. germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model. he’s mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all the jews is a bad idea, but he kills himself before they could explain it to him. that’s world war two. bonus round: pacific showdown, united states versus japan. fight! finish him. let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace. seems legit. “hi i’m gandhi and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india i’m going to starve myself in public. wow, that worked?” bonus: now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans. one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me”, they both said at the same time. “let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.” sike! they both get angrier. look out china, there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! “no thanks,” said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china. there’s the korean war, korea versus korea, nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever. let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. fight! wait no that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. “i’ll race you to space. now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.” europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map, with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let’s check the world population. woah. okay. technology’s better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money; except britain because they don’t feel like it. let’s check the mail. surprise! it’s on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america, i bet they’ll remember that. phone call, surprise, it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise, it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket. whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to. surprise, flying robots! with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic. “let’s save the planet,” said everybody, not knowing how. “let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we?

✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’
‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’
‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’
‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’
‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’
‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’
‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’
‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’
‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’
‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’
‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’
‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’
‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’
‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’
‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’
‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’
‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’
‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’
‘  i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’
‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’
‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’
‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’
‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’
‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’
‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’
‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’
‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’
‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’
‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’
‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’
‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’
‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’
‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’
‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’
‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’
‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’
‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’
‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’
‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’
‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’
‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’
‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’
‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’
‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’
‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’
‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’
‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’
‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’
‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’
‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’
‘  honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’
‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’
‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’
‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’
‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’
‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’
‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’
‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’
‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’
‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’
‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’
‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’
‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’
‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’
‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’
‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’
‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’
‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’
‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  you can start again anytime!  ’
‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’
‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’
‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’
‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’
‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’
‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’
‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’
‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’
‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’
‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’
‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’
‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’
‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’
‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’
‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’
‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’
‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’
‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’
‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’
‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’
‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’
‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’
‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’
‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’
‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’
‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’
‘  you son of a mumford!  ’
‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’
‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’
‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’
‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’
‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’
‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’
‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’
‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’
‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’
‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’
‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’
‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’
‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’
‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’
‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’
‘  i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over?  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’
‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’
‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

my what a guy, gaston!

okay so i know i already did one of these for beauty and the beast (for fuck’s sake shana write about some new fairytales why are you like this) but i listened to sam tsui’s cover of a tale as old as time and OH BOY, OH MY HONEY OH MY DARLING

okay, so in the very early stages of the original beauty and the beast, gaston was an aristocrat. that eventually got scrapped, but oh what if it didn’t

so say gaston is the son of someone very high up in the royalty chain, someone who’s parents are important enough that he spends an awful lot of time at the castle? and our prince adam isn’t really down with this whole ~being a prince~ thing, he’s a brat, like so many other kids are brats (but these kids don’t get turned into beasts by random witches, like i’m sorry but i’ll never not think that beast didn’t get the short end of the stick there) and so he spends the least about of time possible parading about with a crown on his head. he likes going outside, like riding his horses and playing in the woods, and all sorts of other things that make his parents shake their heads and despair at the inability to have another child, because their son is a small disaster.

and here comes gaston, who’s older and more long suffering. gaston in naturally dramatic, okay, he likes being flashy and fun and loud, all the things the son of a noble shouldn’t be. so by the point he meets adam he’s listened to his parents, folded himself up nice and tight into this quiet boy who just doesn’t want any trouble. adam loves trouble. if he can’t find it, he invents it.

so he grabs onto gaston like glue, and gaston is irritated, but he’s the prince, he can’t say anything or his parents will kill him. so he lets adam keep dragging him out horseback riding and hunting and rock climbing and all sorts of things little noble boys aren’t supposed to do. they spare, and no matter that gaston is bigger and older he never wins, adam always ends up pinning him to the ground with his arm to his throat and he’d more irritated about it if the prince didn’t look so delighted every time he won. adam loves all the animals that he’s not interested in eating, and gaston tries to point out that it’s a little weird how thrilled adam is to take down a deer when two minute later he’s trying to entice a wolf to come closer so he can pet it, and also holy shit adam that’s a wolf what’s wrong with you

adam loves his staff, the people who do their best to reign in this little terror but don’t try that hard, because the thing about bratty kids is that they’re rarely brats all the time, as an adult you swing between wanting to strangle them and finding them so adorable and charming your chest hurts. so mrs. potts indulges him, likes the way he’s only ever really patient while he’s playing with her son chip when he’s snuck into the kitchen to beg her for some extra cookies. lumiere and cogsworth are his tutors and spend more time arguing with each other than teaching him, and he’s delighted by that.

and so adam is this loud, exuberant little prince who slowly but surely picks at gaston’s barrier until gaston almost feels like himself again, and adam doesn’t do what his parents did. adam doesn’t make fun of him for how much he cares about his hair, about how he hates dirt under his fingernails. as long as gaston keeps following him into dangerous situations, adam doesn’t care about much of anything, and gaston loves him for it.

and gaston’s on the cusp of teenagerhood when he realizes he loves adam, the prince, this is awful and he immediately has a panic attack over it, he’s to be lord and adam is to be king, it will never work, oh, and adam probably doesn’t like boys, and – oh my god, all those schoolyard taunts about him being gay we’re right this is a nightmare.

he’d freak out about this properly and probably go charging to the castle to confess his love in true embarrassing 12 year old fashion – except his parents set him down, pale, and say, “they’re gone, they’re all gone, the king and queen were found dead and the prince is gone and now a monster lives in the castle.” and of course gaston takes this to the most logical conclusion – a beast broke into the castle, killed the love of his young life, and now he’s claimed the castle for his own.

this is gaston’s defining moment okay, this is the point where he snaps and never goes back. he rebels against his parents, refuses to fit himself back into the mold of the perfect son, tries to live his life like adam would have wanted him to. that means being exactly who he is and damn the consequences. he focuses on his hair and his clothes and his looks, he pursues hunting because it reminds him of adam, because so much of their friendship took place in the woods, covered in mud and laughing. he pursues hunting because, one day, when he’s the very best he’s going to go the castle and kill the beast that killed adam. and his parents are furious about all of this and they disown him in favor of his young siblings and he just. doesn’t give a shit.

so he moves to the town, and everyone loves him, of course they love him. he’s loud and arrogant, but – he’s not cruel. he’s beautiful and brings in more pelts and meat than any other hunter and gaston doesn’t miss the days of being a young lordling in the slightest. but girls keep throwing themselves at him and he doesn’t know how to keep refusing either outing himself or hurting their feelings, so he goes to belle. belle, who is every inch as pretty he is. belle, who is smart and quiet and kind in a reserved sort of way. if there’s anyone who won’t judge him, it’s her.

so he goes to her, and tells her the truth – that he only likes men, that he’s not interested in advertising the fact, and asks her to pretend to be his lady. and belle, kind sweet belle, agrees. she does it out of sense of duty to help those in need, because nothing she knows of gaston says she will enjoy this. but she’s proven wrong, because gaston was raised to be a lord of course he’s educated, just because he doesn’t really care about any of that stuff doesn’t mean he doesn’t know it. and belle can speak with him like she can no other, because gaston has more formal education than anyone else in this village. and to their surprise, gaston and belle become friends, become the closest of friends, and gaston hasn’t known this closeness since adam, although it’s different because he loves belle but he’s not in love with belle.

and one day belle and her father are out traveling and sudden snowstorm forces them into the castle. belle knows there’s some sort of monster that supposedly lives there, but it’s either the castle for refuge or dying of cold outside, so into the castle they go. and instead of a hideous monster there’s adam, the beast. he’s rude and gruff and calls them twelve kinds of idiots for getting caught in a snowstorm in the first place. he offers them a room before sulking back into his study, watching the last petal threaten to the fall from the rose.

the castle is so excited to have guests, to have a young girl that may be their saving grace, and beast doesn’t know how to tell them that he likes girls well enough, but the only person he’s ever loved is a prickly, stuffy little boy who used to wring his hands together whenever they went looking for wolves. the storm doesn’t abate, and belle and her father stay. beast likes belle, likes how much she loves his library and the courteous way she speaks to all his staff even tho they’re all furniture, and he wishes he could love her, she is a woman that deserves to be loved. but he can’t.

back in the village, gaston has had it. the beast took adam from him, and he wont allow that thing to take belle. he rallies the villagers and goes marching to the castle, determined to save belle and her father, determined to kill the thing that killed adam.

so they storm the castle and he and the beast fight. belle and her father rush forward to stop the rest of the angry village men, and belle is screaming at gaston to stop, that things aren’t as they seem. but he’s mad with bloodlust, with revenge, and he’s about to take the beast’s head off with his axe when the beast lunges and pushes him to the ground, pinning him with an arm to his throat. and the muscle memory is so sudden and visceral that gaston freezes and stares at the snarling beast and whispers, “adam?”

and the beast blinks, and pulls back a little, and goes …… “gaston!?”

literally everyone is so confused, but they only get more confused when gaston throws himself at the beast and there’s a rush of magic as the last petal falls and the spell is broken. gaston sees beast for who he really is, loves him wholly and completely in the way only children can, and the curse is broken.

so gaston goes from having the beast in his arms to having a man, and he kisses him, outing himself in front of the whole village and not caring in the slightest. “i’ve missed you,” adam says, reaching out a hand to cup gaston’s cheek.

his staff are people again, and the cloud of darkness that had fallen over the castle is lifted. the old and irritable third cousin twice removed who’d been running the country is more than happy to hand it back over to adam, so happy in fact that he doesn’t question anything about this incredibly weird situation.

gaston and adam were children with a children’s love, but as adam gets his castle and kingdom up and running again, gaston is there. and their love deepens, and strengthens, and becomes something much more real and true than it ever was before. and gaston knows he can’t keep this, that adam will need to take a queen and gaston won’t be able to be with him after that.

except no one told adam that, because he goes to belle who just, never left the castle because she likes it and it likes her and her two favorite people are here. and also they’ll pry her from that library over her dead body. “hey,” adam says, “so, i’m kind of the king now.”

“i noticed,” belle answers, and doesn’t look up from her book.

adam considers closing it, but also considers that he likes his hands attached to his wrists. “want to get married? we’ll need to produce an heir or two, but beyond that you’ll get all the books you want and a whole country to boss around.” one of the things adam had quickly learned was that belle loved bossing people around.

belle doesn’t look up from her book. he hadn’t honestly expected her too. “okay. I’m dating plumette. im going to keep doing that.”

“nice,” he says, because plumette is a lot prettier now that she isn’t a feather duster.

so adam find gaston and tells him that he’s marrying belle, and gaston’s whole heart breaks but it makes sense, adam and belle make sense together, and he wishes he could make himself hate either of them but he can’t because he loves them both. but then adam is talking about how belle will have the rooms next to theirs, and gaston should probably stop paying rent for his house in the village, he lives in a literal palace, come on now.

and gaston figures out that adam is planning to stay with him, that belle is his wife and queen in name only and and gaston will continue to be the one in his heart and in his bed. adam is talking about how they all really need to sit down and do something about the redistribution of tax revenue, and they should probably do it before the wedding because otherwise their subjects will only show up to throw fruit at them. gaston cuts him off by pressing his king and love of his life against the wall and kissing him breathless.

cogsworth and lumiere walk by and pause mid-argument to wolf whistle at them before continuing on their way. gaston and adam end up having to hold each other up as they laugh so hard they can’t breath.

and everyone lives happily ever after.


read more of my retold fairytales here

I’m gonna go on a quick rant on feminism/femininity and Disney here.

Originally posted by disneylandwheredreamscometrue

It just riles me up when people seem to get the idea that femininity means a lack of feminism. When people take a look at the girl in the pants and the girl in the ballgown and says the one in pants is more feminist and empowering than the one in the dress. The whole point of one of the many aspects of feminism is that as women we have the right to choose to be and wear whatever we want. A woman in a dress is just as feminist as a woman in a burqa, and they’re both just as feminist as a woman in a suit or a woman in a bikini. And beyond clothing, a woman who’s married and in love is just as feminist as a woman who’s single. Here’s where Disney comes in, no one princess is a better more feminist role model than another. It’s important to have more than one type of role model yes, but just because one girl likes to fight and another girl likes to sew, it doesn’t mean that one is a better role model. All the princesses and other Disney ladies have good values to teach us and our kids in different ways and I’m gonna go through them with you.

Originally posted by badxbaby

Snow White:

For one thing this girl is 14. She is a child and her outlook on the world and her dreams in life shouldn’t be measured up to an adult’s. She’s kind, caring, and yes, she does dream of true love’s kiss. But she’s 14. When I was 14 I was dreaming of the same damn thing. But what we can learn from her is that when you care for everyone, even strangers, you’ll see that kindness returned. When she’s lost in the woods and scared for her life, she still finds the strength to be kind to the animals. In return they show her to the Dwarves’ cottage. She’s sweet and decides to clean up the place and take care of the dwarves out of the kindness of her heart and they return the kindness by giving her a home when she had none. At the end she’s rewarded with the true love’s kiss she wanted. We can even learn from the Evil Queen that vanity is a terrible thing. 

Originally posted by snowwhitecinderellaaurora-blog

Aurora:

The main thing to remember about Aurora is that for one thing, she met Phillip when she was a baby. The other thing is that while the good fairies did love her and take care of her, she grew up isolated and alone. She’s always had these dreams of meeting someone (anyone) else to break that isolation. But in that isolation she’s still strong, kind, and trusting. She loves her adoptive aunts, and for a side character(might make a post about that later) I would still count her as a good role model because of that kindness. 

Originally posted by goldensilverdisney

Cinderella:

Her, I’m definitely going to expand on in another post. But, she’s one of my favorite princess. Ironically, not one of my favorite movies, but she’s an amazing character and I love her. She’s a survivor of child abuse. That’s the very first thing that you need to understand about her. She doesn’t stay happy and content with a grin and bare it attitude, she got mad. She was snarky, and she only found happiness in the little free time she had and in her pets/friends. All she wanted that night was to go to the ball. All she wanted was one night to have fun and get out of the house. She wanted one night where she wouldn’t be berated and yelled at and ordered around. And when she met the prince, she didn’t even know who he was. She didn’t even mind that she would probably never see him again. And at the end she more or less saved herself. She didn’t wait around and sing a song from her tower to get rescued, she asked her friends to get the key and help her out. She was smart enough to pull out the other slipper. There’s nothing wrong with getting help from those around you and there’s no shame in asking for it. There’s nothing un-feminist about getting help, especially when you’re an abuse survivor. And that’s what Cinderella is about. Her fairy godmother coming to help her. Women helping women. 

Originally posted by disneymoviesanywhere

Ariel:

The one big thing that made the Disney renaissance so great is they decided to follow the rules of Broadway musicals. One of the trademarks of this is the “I want” song. That’s the motivation for the main character and it’s the driving force for the plot. 

Ariel wants to live in the human world. That’s her dream. She desperately wants to be a human. Eric was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Ariel is strong willed and curious. She’s the undersea equivalent of an anthropologist. She’s 16, so of course she’s going to make stupid mistakes, but she gets to live out her dream in the end and become a human. The main point and what makes her a wonderful feminist role model is that she uses that drive and curiosity to pursue her passion. 

Originally posted by mkgaud

Belle:

I’m not sure I have to go into too much detail about her although I will mention, she is not a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. And to be honest how would being an abuse victim make her any less feminist? Anyway, of course she’s smart and loves reading. She loves adventure books and that’s what her “I want” song is about. She wants adventure and she wants someone who understands her and doesn’t think she’s weird for her interest. She’s a good role model not only for her love of reading but also of course for her kindness and seeing the good in people despite their appearance. 

Originally posted by moviewhorexo

Jasmine:

She. Is. Not. A. Prize. To. Be. Won. Moving on,

Kidding. But anyway she’s great because what she values is freedom and love. I feel like a lot of people forget is the line, “when I marry, I want it to be for love”. She wants to make her own choices in all aspects of her life and she decides to leave her life of privilege to pursue that freedom. You can hear and see it sprinkled in all around the movie (and the stage show). She sees herself as a bird in a cage and she’s happiest when she’s free and litteraly flying. And at the end she chooses Aladin. It’s all about her choice. 

Pocahontas:

Originally posted by anightmarefantasmic

So unintentional racism, stereotypes, white savior trope, erasing history, and pairing her with the horrible monster aside for a moment…

Let’s talk about 18 year old Disney Pocahontas as her own character. The main thing that comes to mind when I think of her is strength and bravery. She knows herself and she knows what she loves, and she’ll do anything to protect it. She also cares about the earth and environment. All of those are wonderful traits to have as a role model. 

Originally posted by magical-rasputin

Mulan:

Again, I don’t think I have to go into much detail about why she’s a great feminist role model. She’s usually who everyone thinks of when it comes to great feminist characters.

But what I will say is one thing not a lot of people mention in her great feminist role model-ness is that she doesn’t mind being feminine. She knows the ”perfect porcelain doll” isn’t her, but she doesn’t mind dressing up when she can make it her own. Another thing that I’m surprised get’s as ignored as it does especially since it’s scattered through the whole movie including her very first scene, she’s smart. She’s not a fighter, she’s a strategist. She makes her chores easier for herself. She wins the game of Go on her way to meet the match maker. She figures out how she can protect her dad. She uses the weights to her advantage. She does trigonometry in her head on the fly. She comes up with the distraction and using the fireworks. And the epitome of it all, she uses the symbol of femininity in the movie, her fan, to outsmart Shan Yu and take his sword. 

Originally posted by definite-disnerd

Tiana:

Can you believe I’ve heard people say Tiana isn’t feminist enough? Most people know how hardworking and practical she is, but she also learns a very important lesson that you’ll never be truly happy if you don’t let loose and have fun in reasonable amounts. She’s an amazing role model just as wonderful as everyone else in the line up and her morale is one of my favorites to try and live by. “Fairytales can come true, but you’ve gotta make them happen. It all depends on you.”


Rapunzel, Merida, Anna, Elsa, and Moana:

Honestly I feel like I don’t have to do much defending for these four. Everyone on this site has already pointed out what great feminist role models they are and many people regard them plus Tiana and Mulan as the “best” most feminist princesses. I love them all too, and of course they’re all great feminist role models, I just don’t think there’s much I could add. 

Anyway, I think a /lot/ of other Disney ladies are also wonderful feminist role models but this was supposed to be just the princess lineup. and I might make separate posts for them. But if you’ll notice I didn’t take relationship status, style choices, hobby choices, sexuality headcannons, or appearance into account when talking about what great role models they are because you shouldn’t. Of course women and girls deserve more than just one type of girl to look up to, but one type of girl isn’t any better or worse than another. You can be hyper feminine like Cinderella, Not feminine at all like Merida, or a little bit of both like Mulan. You can be smart like Belle, or naive yet kind like Snow White. All of them are wonderful. 

I’ll go ahead and leave you my favorite Disney feminist hero.

(she’s amazing. google her real quick)

A Killer First Chapter

Anonymous asked:

Do you have any advise on how to open a story? I have all my characters and my plot and my conflict and everything but I don’t know how to start. How to keep a reader hooked and interested enough to keep going.

This is a little ironic, because I’m about to rewrite my opening three chapters for The Warlord’s Contact from scratch for about the tenth time. But practice does make perfect, and boy have I learned a lot through this process.

Sometimes you look at a story and you just know how it needs to open. It’s the most obvious choice in the world, and it’s clear why no other option would work.

Unfortunately, that’s not often the case. Usually, the beginning to your book will take preplanning and rewriting and replanning and bit more rewriting, and all the while you’ll never quite be sure you chose the best spot to open to, or the right characters to introduce, or the proper setting. 

Here are a few specific methods of thought for tackling your first chapter…

Keep reading