but im not an angel

it’s interesting too cause (if you’ve been following me for a while you probably remember this) but when i went to the tallest man on earth concert like a year and a half ago i felt really strange before i left to go. when i was getting ready i remember feeling like i was about to meet somebody very important to my heart and i actually thought to myself “how do i want them to see me for the first time?” anyways when i got there it was really hot and the humidity/downtown/the crowd made me anxious so i went back to the parking garage and when i was standing by my car something in me was like “don’t leave, you have to go back” and so i was like aight aight and i went back and i walked by this group of guys and i felt like i knew them. i was drawn to the pretty one of course and it’s funny now to think about it because i was totally convinced at the time that the universe lead me to that person. and i just have to shake my head at myself now for getting caught up in some external beauty when that’s all there was to it… i walked outside when the concert was over and this group of guys was standing there and the wind was heavy and a storm was going wild far in the distance and a stranger walked by and handed me a red rose, and i handed it to another stranger because i felt like i didn’t need it. when i was leaving there was a guy with me and he just kept talking, and this pretty guy was standing behind me and i wanted to talk to him, but i decided to give up and leave. so i walked like 3 blocks and this dude just keeps talking and talking and i had to cut him off mid sentence because i just felt this pull in my chest. the further i walked away from those people the more i felt it. so i turned around and actually ran back and i introduced myself to that pretty guy and we dated briefly and it was not good or anything really, it was like a hologram, a fog. and i felt confused afterwards, like why did the universe lead me there? and now i look back at it all, at that night and at everything that happened after, and i just think about how the universe wasn’t misleading me at all. it just had me take the long route to the person who was standing right next to him. like girl, look a little to the left. just a little. go there instead. i don’t feel that we should have done this sooner. i’ve realized so many important things since the moment i met these people. some deeply personal realizations. and now was the time for this. it’s just interesting. you don’t know why things happen until after it happens. there always has to be that space for things to settle in afterwards. 

anonymous asked:

You don't have to publish this but I just wanna say that I know it super hard not to feel like you've let yourself down when mental health gets in the way of education but making any kind of stride in recovery is so much more important. A similar thing happened to me and I've been putting so much pressure on myself and being egregiously hard on myself so to even see someone else going through this when everyone else seems to be livin the dream is so helpful. Thanks.

ahhHH thank you for this bc i feel the same way and its rly comforting to know im not alone (i mean i hate that other ppl r goin thru it but like. u kno what i mean)!!  like i keep finding myself being super bitter/jealous when i see ppl achieving their dreams and i HAte that bc i used to b totally different and like literally i would sometimes cry bc i was so happy and proud of ppl but like since this stuff happened ive been like. so upset/angry when i see it so im Really Trying to make an effort to b #thankful and #supportive

anonymous asked:

She sounds like the kind of person that act all sweet and stuff but if you mess with her or someone she cares about, she would rip off your head and bury you on her backyard

no she’s fast and furious 24/7 she’s a fuckin Machine, ….The Machine….. there are no misunderstandings u meet her and instantly know that if u do her dirty ur Dead ….. But other than that she’s a soft, sweet, angel and im love her with me whole heart :’)