but ill put it up for now

Initial Thoughts: Tiger Philanthropist

This episode marked a change in the way the story in SU would be progressing from now on. Many times it’s been pointed out how the Gems are ill-equipped to be Steven’s caretakers, and how usually, they themselves are the ones for whom Steven needs to put his own needs aside. 

The Gems have deep personal issues that they refused to acknowledge for a very long time, centuries in fact. Their suddenly being guardians of a teenage boy was not going to make those things go away. So early Steven spent a lot of time being ignored and left behind. It’s a fact he brings up in Rocknaldo. While we’ve been analysing it and pointing it out, it’s more than clear that Steven has been aware of it himself.

As the Gems engaged with him more, he found himself in the middle of meltdowns, arguments, and panic attacks. And we’ve seen how having to put aside how he feels has worn him down and given him issues of his own, about never being a good enough Crystal Gem, and never matching up to Rose.

These feelings culminated in the latest Steven Bomb (Bomb 5), when Steven decides to put his feelings first and refuse to listen to the Gems, instead seeking out Blue Diamond. What he realises is that doing to Greg and the Gems exactly what the Gems did to him was not going to make things better.

But I think it was a wake-up call for the senior Crystal Gems as well. Their becoming more accommodating of Steven has been a long, slow process. In this episode, Steven actually feels comfortable enough to tell Amethyst how he felt about wrestling, that he disagreed with her decision to quit, or at least the way she quit. 

And that’s something relatively new, because Steven doesn’t often talk about how he feels when he’s with the Gems. Instead of making light of it, Amethyst engages him on the same level. She tells him about wrestling’s personal relevance to her at a particular stage in her life. 

When Steven goes back to the ring, we expect he can take down human beings easily. When Amethyst appears, we know it’s not to save the day. That is how much our expectations of the characters changed. It’s a far cry from season one in which we believed Steven couldn’t defend himself.

Contrast to episodes like Joking Victim, Amethyst didn’t just stand by and let things happen. She washed her hands of wrestling but went back because part of her knew Steven had unfinished business. And she put aside her own desire to quit so that Steven could have closure.

I would say they end the match on their terms, together. Wrestling was never about feeling like he was good enough. His reason for doing it was to spend time with Amethyst. He was hurt because she decided on quitting without telling him, as if those memories didn’t matter.

In a turn of events, it is Amethyst, not Steven, who makes the speech that says exactly those things. In what I hope becomes a more common occurrence, someone who cares about Steven pre-empts how he feels instead of his having to do it the other way around all the time. 

What Amethyst gave him was assurance that the memories he treasured of their being together meant something to her too. And it implied that finding something else to do was always going to be an option. Wrestling had gone stale for them, but their relationship did not.

I’m glad this kind of shift occurred in a daily life type of episode. It is small acts that people decide to do every day that make them who they are. Becoming a totally different person in a dangerous or extreme moment loses the meaning of the act if only because the change is not as organic and nothing sustains it after the adrenaline fades.

I hope that this shift continues on. It was one thing to begin to care about Steven, but I find it significant that the Gems are also learning how to care about Steven, because it does make a difference.

skam fic rec masterpost

so i love reading fic, its like my favorite pass time and that’s all i’ve been doing for the past three months so here’s a huge fic rec list of some fics that i have read and am currently reading and im in love with

big thanks to fic writers! yall are amazing and so important to the fandom <3

a lot of these authors are also on tumblr im sure but i don’t have all the urls so i’m gonna put the ao3 usernames for now. please if you’re on tumblr and would like your url to be in this instead of your ao3 username, just holla at me and ill change it! <3

(ps i’m so sorry i had to shorten up the summaries on some of them so it wouldnt be too long!!)

(pps i update this very frequently as i read so feel free to come back from time to time to look for any new fics!)

make sure you read the trigger warnings for some fics as they can get angsty

okay here we go :) happy reading <3

Keep reading

Lmao so like, I’m on valium right now, I’m schizophrenic and have borderline personality disorder, and I was put on valium because I had kidney stones surgically removed, now … before I had been put on this for my physical illness, I never would have been given the opportunity to try valium to treat my mental illness.

The psychiatric community fear mongers over it so much, but the valium has vastly improved my life, and if I hadn’t almost died I never would have known that there was a medication out there that could actually help me live my life easier? Isn’t that fucked up? 

They’re more afraid of the evil mentally ills getting “addicted” than fucking treating our symptoms.

Even though like, I’m literally fucking addicted to my antipsychotics, which I have to take for the rest of my life, but apparently that’s ~just not the same~

Romance, Representation And You

So the last post I reblogged got some interesting comments I want to touch on, namely people stating that they don’t dislike Romance because it’s fluffy and feel good, but because it is often sexist, misogynistic, ableist, heteronormative and woefully lacking in diversity, which yes, absolutely, yes. Those are entirely valid criticisms of the genre—indeed I find them to be valid of any genre, whether it’s sci-fi, fantasy, young adult or otherwise. There is a shocking lack of diversity in our fiction and media—and not because people don’t want it or aren’t trying to make it, but because publishing houses and media can’t see the co-relation between what their marketing teams are telling them, and the actual reality that of course straight white stories are selling the best, of course it is, because you won’t sell anything else, that’s why there’s no sales numbers for anything else.

I worked in a romance publishing house for a good few years, I also worked for their erotica team, and do you know, not once did I ever come across a manuscript with a disabled person? Not a single one. There was also never a manuscript that featured a character with mental illness who wasn’t the villain, or whose issues couldn’t be Fixed With Love™(*vomit*). 

The few times a story featured non white characters, it was usually “The Best Friend Who Gives Sassy Real Advice”, or so horrifically racist that our modus operandi was to nuke it from the office servers rather than try and deal with it because how do you politely tell an author, hey, you’re a fetishistic piece of shit please find God and change the entirety of your story so we can print it, (Answer: you don’t there is no polite way to tell someone they are a  fetishistic piece of shit and you never want their work to darken your inbox ever again.) when you can instead say “Sorry, not what we’re looking for a the moment” and retreat to the relative safety of the slushpile where maybe, just maybe, a hidden gem awaits excavation.

And our publishing house prided itself on diversity because we had an LGBT section, and oh boy let me tell you I was so excited when I got moved over onto that side…only to realize, there’s no w/w fiction because “it doesn’t sell well” and 90% of the m/m fiction is being written by women for women and they fired the one gay author cause his work wasn’t “what was selling” and every bisexual character I ever encountered was either Actually Gay/Actually Straight, or surprise! The Evil Greedy Homewrecker who needs to pick a side, booo hiiiiss, grab your pitchforks and burn the witch.

And I remember, I remember looking to my senior editor who was also my friend at the time, a poly bisexual, mentally ill woman and saying “what the fuck Rebecca” (yes, her name was actually Becky) and she looked at me over our skype call and said “You want to keep your job? Deal with it.”

Because you see, Marketing reigns supreme, and Marketing doesn’t give a shit about people like you and me. It doesn’t care if the neurodivergent person wants to see people like them in fiction, it doesn’t care that people of color want to be more than just the friend/villain, they don’t care that there is more to LGBTQIA+ than the L and specifically the G, it doesn’t care if disabled people want to be represented as more than someone ele’s story arc prop. They don’t care they, don’t care, and do you know why so many publishing houses look down on indie publishing and self published authors and try to call them hacks? Because we don’t give a fuck that they don’t care and we’re doing what we want anyway.

Oh sure you get the usual “but the work is so unpolished, no one has vetted it, it’s just bad, this is why we need publishers to stop the crap from rising to the top”—and yet Fifty Shades of Grey still gets a multi-billion dollar production budget and to the top of the best seller list—do you see, where I am going with this? They’re not interested in selling the best they are just interested in selling, and we are living in a society that has a system designed specifically to a quite literally straight and narrow demographic. So of course XYZ stories sell well, of course they do, because that is where the vast majority of marketing goes, to make sure you buy into it. And Romance…Romance is a lucrative industry to be in if you can get the weight of that campaign behind you…but if you can’t? Well, not only do you have to compete with lack of funding and resources, but also the pervasive lie that because you’re not affiliated directly with X Publishing House or Y Agency, you are not good enough, and no one will want to read your story.

And that’s a bunch of baloney. It’s so much baloney you can slap it between two slices of bread and cover it in mustard because the whole thing is a ham.

Do you know what I would have loved growing up? (And still would) Stories about girls who liked people regardless of gender—and who wasn’t conflicted over it because people are people and gender is fluid and irrelevant to love. Stories about people with mental health issues, where the person is still loved and shown as functional, with their mental health issues, not despite. Stories about disabled and ill people who have fulfilling lives whose arc doesn’t revolve around being brave for simply existing or how much of a saint their families/loved ones are for putting up with them. And do you know what I get instead, even now as an adult who has worked in the industry that sells these stories? I get things like Fifty Shades of Domestic Abuse, and train wrecks like You Before Me where the death of the disabled person is seen as a romantic gesture of selflessness that sets the love interest free to fully live her life. HOW FUCKING FUCKED UP IS THAT. Oh you can argue with me all you want that wasn’t  Moyes intent when she was writing it, but it damn well was the end result.

Yes, Romance is lacking, and yes it needs revamped, it needs more cultural diversity, it needs more inclusion, it needs so many things—but it also needs for people to not want to not write for it because it’s “fluffy” and cheap, like somehow they are selling their souls away. 

I’ve got friends who have written amazing, diverse stories told from their point of view…but they won’t ever get them published because as soon as you mention self publishing or the Romance industry they turn their noses up. And they’re shooting themselves in the foot in doing so, because there ain’t no way a story about XYZ is going to make it in a sci-fi house, no matter who much tech you add in. On the flipside of that, I’ve also got a friend who has written about her experiences as a Black queer disabled woman and it’s filled with relationships and great life stuff and so funny…but she can’t get it published anywhere because she’s been explicitly made to feel like she doesn’t belong in the genre because her stories are too complex, they’re too different they’re too comedic…too…too…too (the list goes on). And that’s awful because Romance is a genre that is primarily about people and if you as a Romance house are telling me you can’t sell a story about people, boy are we well and truly fucked.

The biggest criticism of the Romance genre shouldn’t be that it’s too damn happy and therefore unrealistic and nothing but fluff. What’s unrealistic is the complete lack of diversity and inclusion in the genre that makes it so alienating that a huge part of our society immediately feels like they don’t belong. 

And that’s a bigger problem than fluff.

So great, yes fine, Romance isn’t for you, you can tell me all the time that you don’t like Romance and I will cheerfully talk to you about literally anything else. But don’t ever tell me you don’t like Romance because it’s simple and fluffy when there’s a whole wealth of actual problematic shit to dislike it for.

And to you, yes you, I’m talking to you. You with the idea in the back of your head and the worry that you’ll never be a Serious Author because all you want to write about is romance and people and angst and fluff and also thinking no one wants to read stories about people like you: take that idea and run with with it, learn from your experiences and keep doing it some more and maybe one day we’ll have the publishing industry we deserve that will acknowledge you. But until then: Rebel and Do It Anyway.

Acts of affection ( shippy/ fluff edition )

💝 - your muse says “I love you” to mine

❤ - our muses stay up all night talking

💔 - your muse gives up _____ for mine

💓 - our muses have their first kiss and its not exactly perfect

💗 - our muses are wrestling playfully and yours suddenly kisses mine

💕- your muse cares for mine while ill

💘 - our muses have been friends for quite a while, and yours suddenly realized they have deeper feelings for mine

💋 - my muse covers yours in lipstick kisses

💄- your muse covers mine in lipstick kisses

😍 - your muse notices mine for the first time, and its love at first sight

💏- our muses have been “friends with benefits” up until now and they are both realizing they want more than that

🌸 - your muse puts a flower behind mine’s ear

🎊 - my muse is pregnant and yours is ecstatic upon hearing the good news

🍟 - your muse steals a fry from mine and says “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

💯 - our muses wake up together after a one night stand

Introducing TD and Chastity Play, What i did wrong......

To me FLR has SO many different angles and when introducing your partner its important to be careful. See where as i took my time, slowly introduced more and more bits into it before eventually plucking up the courage to put the cage on and show her, i still made some real big mistakes.

See my wife is not a Domme, i dont really want to know about her previous life before me but im kinda guessing im the first person that really wants to explore all these roads and possibility with her. I originally made this Blog to share things i found sexy in some way shape or form with her and looking back now i should have kept it more Vanilla and slowly introduced my interest in things like pegging. See you follow all these people then one day they reblog some Sissy stuff, some Anal Torture, Some Ball Busting. From my wife’s perspective she probably sees that and thinks FUCKING HELL.

The reason i am writing this is because somethings have been lost in translation, see she was under the impression that i wanted to become her bitch, a groveling sissy whore who wanted to wear her clothes and make up and suck strapons all day long. Now if that’s your thing im all for it but that wasn’t what i wanted.  

I came across chastity play and tease and denial play a while back, i have always been aware of bondage and always had a thing for tying or being tied up sexually. I saw it as a fun way for a male and female to have a laugh, be intimate and grow together as a couple. As much as i love her Locking me up, tying me up, teasing me and laughing as i quiver on the bed in a desperate need to cum only to deny me for another day i also would love to do the same for her. Its about exploring each others bodies, each others fantasies.

Its only fun for me if its fun for her, if she wants to lock me for a day, a week, a month or a year ill play the game as long as she finds it exiting and gets a kick out of it. If she doesn’t want it its just not going to work. But don’t give up that easily pick it up and put it down, its keeps it exiting. After a chat with my wife in the week she said she likes the cage but doesn’t want a bitch of a husband, so i explained the above and below to her and now i think it makes sense.

I am writing this because i get lots of messages from people asking how did i break the news? how did i get her on board? Truth is we are still working on it, still exploring it. I haven’t been in the cage for months, as real life is more important. This morning after our chats and fun this week i put it on.

I guess im very lucky to have such an amazing wife, i put it on gave her the keys and she smiled. That’s all i wanted. She is one of a kind, trusting and fucking gorgeous.

For anyone out there toying with this i hope this has helped, below are few images i have stolen from others. I hope they don’t mind. Good Luck and go have some fun.

I love making her moan, and its true i work harder when my dick is locked up and im working to earn a release, its common knowledge you put more effort into thngs if your getting something in return. (Or at least you think you are) 

Then there is this, after a night of teasing and a great time she didnt let you cum, your going to wake up in the morning and WANT to do this for her because your still super horny. You know your not going get to cum but pleasing her is at least some sexual activity.

Then on the other hand there is nothing sexier than doing the same to her, make her feel how you feel, i remember once back in the early days i edged my wife and then just turned the wand off and said nah, night night. She was mortified, grabbing my cock, trying her hardest to get me to fuck her. In the morning she woke up horny and we fucked. But it can work both ways.

This is also one that i agree with, the lust i have towards her, the want to constantly touch her, to kiss her its just amazing. Then once you cum its takes a good few days to get that back. Its the strongest drug i have ever felt and its awesome. 

I love it when she feels sexy the sexier she feels the more she glows the better the experience. 

Turn it into a game, a guessing game and have fun with it.

Tease him, if he is anything like me he will enjoy it.

But most importantly talk about it, discuss it find out what you both want from it and just have fun.

I guarantee it will bring you closer together. 

Ginger apparently works for nausea??? I mean I’ve been told forever but I finally just now tried chewing on raw ginger and 2 minutes later it’s like night and day. 

I sliced it up, put a little salt on it, chewed and then ate it. It’s not 100% pleasant, but it could be worse.

Idk if this is partially a placebo effect or what, but I don’t even care at this point. I feel so much better.

do you ever just look at something you used to do, and stopped because of your illness.

and you just sit there and wonder “do i want to do that again? could i? how would that go with what- who- i am now?”

its just depressing, because i realized alot of my hobbies ive given up either because of my illness, or because ive gotten too busy and too exhausted to do them, because of my illness.

i want to try again, but i dont feel like putting in the effort for something that might not work out.

sometimes my illness doesnt take away my ability to do something, just my motivation to try.

Surprise (3/?)

Summary :  You die while being on a mission with the team. At least , that’s what you thought. What happens when you suddenly wake up alive ? What do you do now? & how will the team handle the news after thinking you’ve been dead for months?

Warnings : swearing, angst, violence , fluff( tiny, tiny bit for now).

Pairing, (so far) : Avengers x reader, Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader( No permanent pairing yet!)
* Bold is readers thoughts,  &  italics are memories. *

Surprise Master List          Marvel Master List


“ I CALLED IT! BANNER YOU OWE ME $100." 

 You laugh at Tonys outburst as he pulls you to him, returning the tight hug. ” Welcome Back Y/n. “ He whispers into your ear . 

The rest of the teams welcome was the same, except Steve, Sam and Buckys. 

  Sam lifts you off the ground, swinging your around .” I fucking hoped it was you ! “ he cheers as he sets you down. You kiss his cheek and giggle. Bucky tugs you into a bonecrushing hug as he swears under his breath .  

” Hi Buckaroo “

  ” I cant believe its you Y/n. “ he admits as he steps back to look at you . A smirk forms on his face, ” Damn, looking as good as ever darling .“ he flirts. A blush blossoms over your cheeks.

 ” Bite me Barnes. “

” With pleasure .“ he shoots back with a wink. You roll your eyes .

Steve is still standing there with his eyes bugging out of his head.  ” Hi Stevie .“  your voice shy & quiet . 

” Oh my  God. “ he whispers, still staring at you .

Is he not happy to see me?

  Tears start flowing down your cheeks at the thought. When Steve sees the first one fall he steps forwards, swiping It away gently. He pulls you to him, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your hair. You swear he sniffs your hair, but you ignore it , hugging him tightly to you .

Originally posted by peoplealwaysleave-99

All too quickly his arms disappear , and he is stepping back from you . He doesn’t say a word, just walks out of the room like his life depended on it.You , Bucky & Sam all exchange confused glances at Steves behavior .What the hell? Bucky races after him, while Sam pulls you towards the bar.

  ” You know, he wasn’t the same after that mission.“ Sam tells you as  he knowingly watches you look for your friends.You sigh, bringing your glass to your lips. ” He blames himself for losing you . Me & Barnes have caught him sleeping in your old room a handful of times.  He wouldn’t let any of us pack up your things. “ Your heart breaks at the information sam feeds you ,I never wanted him to blame himself, dammit.

 ” Its not his fault though . He didn’t know-“

” You know you told him you loved-“

” Shut up Sam. “   

He starts laughing loudly , ” Damn , I missed you.“ 

” Yeah yeah , I missed you too bird butt.“  You hear him groan . You giggle, and pull him to the deserted dancefloor.  

” Come on Sammy!“ he doesn’t fight it, just lets you drag him  . The song changes to something a little more upbeat, and he starts twirling you around the floor. You giggle as you two dance, knowing you look anything but suave . 

Originally posted by giftedmotherfucker

  The team surrounds you two ( minus Steve and Bucky) and laughs while they watch you and Sam horribly dance. You manage to coax most of them into dancing, and before you know it the dancefloor is filling with people.   

    You take a break from dancing and weave through the crowd and back to the bar.  You see Steve and Bucky leaning against it ,so you dart towards them . 

” Can we talk?“ you ask Steve as you approach  .  He sighs, and nods towards the door leading to the balcony. Bucky sends you a symphathetic  look before you follow behind Steve.  When the door shuts behind you , you decide to make the first move ,

” Steve -“

” You died. I watched you die in my arms from bullets that were meant for me.“  You don’t know how to respond, so you don’t. 

” You’ve been gone a year , and ive spent every god damn day blaming myself.“ "It wasn’t your fault !  I- ”

“ Your right ,it wasn’t my fault. It was yours. What the hell were you thinking  jumping infront of me like that ! ” he bellows . You’ve never seen this side of him, hes never been angry with you before and its terrifying.

 " I was saving your damn Life Steve!“

” No one asked you to y/n! You aren’t enhanced, you weren’t even a part of the damn team! , I didn’t need you to save me!“Tears escape your eyes, his words sinking in .

 ” I couldn’t watch you die Steve.“ you whisper  


Steves POV

  I let out a dry laugh at her statement, ” So you made me watch you die instead? You were selfish and naïve. You had no place being there that day. You aren’t special  like the others on the-“ As soon as the words leave my mouth I realize just how bad they sound. Before I get a chance to rephrase she speaks,

Originally posted by heartfulloffandoms

 ” I’m so fucking sorry , did I hurt your fucking ego saving your life?!“ she spits, her voice dripping with anger. 

 Fuck , I didn’t mean to - ugh I really need to learn how to not look like an ass.

” Y/n I didn’t-“

” Fuck off Rogers. I thought we were friends, i thought youd be happy to see me but clearly i was fucking wrong. “ She says before storming back into the party . ” I’m an idiot.“ i say to myself,

” Yeah you really are.“  I look seeing Bucky in the doorway . ” What the hell were you thinking ?! That girl saved your ass because she loves you ,Did you forget that ?  Or are you still trying to deny your own feelings . “ he barks  at me.

 ” I need to find her. “ I say as i push past him , I know he is right, i think about the fact that i never got to tell her how i felt about her everyday  .  I search through the crowd of people, but come up empty .

 ” Her and Pietro just left, it was a big night for her . Let her sleep it off.“ Sam says as he approaches me.

 Son of a bitch .


Y/n POV

 You’re thankful Pietro is just as exhausted and overwhelmed as you  .He jumped at the chance to head to bed when you announced you were calling it a night. You’ve spent a lot of night together back when it was just the two of you , never in a sexual way though .    Tears start falling the second you step foot in your old room .  Everything was the same way you left it that day , except your bed. You always made your bed before you left,   right now though the blankets tossed to one side and the pillows are strewn across it. You step closer and Steve scent find your nostrils. He really has been sleeping  in here.

    You shake off the sadness that starts to form, and begin digging through your drawers for pajamas. You both switch from your party clothes into pj’s , then fall into your old bed. 

 ” P, even though its not just the two of us anymore, we are still going to stay close right? “ you question .

He pulls you closer to him , placing a light kiss on your forehead, ” You cant get rid of me that easily Y/n . I never really thought id be this close to someone other than Wanda , I don’t plan on giving it up.“    You lean up to kiss his cheek,

” Neither do I “ .    


  ” Sex must not have been that good, we didn’t even hear you doing it.“  

You groan , rolling on your back as you look towards your open door. Tony is standing there with a smug look on his face . You hear Pietro mumble as he stretches next to you .

"  For all you know Tony, I’m a quiet lover. ” you say through your yawns . 

He lets out a loud laugh , “ I’d love to find out. ”

You fake gag as you stand , all your bones cracking as you fully stretch  .“ What do you need ironballs?”

 " I wanna run a few tests on you two, see how your insides are looking.“ he simply states, you watch as his eyes go to your bare legs .

” Eyes up here perv. You want to do this now?“  You slide on the first pair of shorts you find. 

” Yeah , might as well get it out of the way .“ he shrugs  .You hear Pietro lightly snoring then look to see him asleep again and wrapped in your blanket.

"Seriously?"    you yank Pietro out of bed by his foot . He yelps as he lands on the floor. A strong of curses flows from his lips as he stands .

” We have to give Tony blood, stay awake for like 20 minutes then you can go back to bed ,lazy ass. “ He mumbles but follows after the both of you .      It doesn’t take long for Tony to poke and prod at the both of you. You decide to head to the communal kitchen,  your stomach kept grumbling while  you in the lab . As soon as you step off the elevator you hear laughter echoing through the floor. 

 You keep walking towards the sound, finding Sam , Bucky and Steve sitting on the couch watching cartoons. Are they watching Scooby doo? !

  You fight the urge to yell at them for not inviting you , you still don’t want to speak to Steve after last night. You walk straight to the kitchen  ,but since you have to pass by the couches Sam sees you .

 " Well good morning Sunshine!” he calls, you wave but keep moving.  

You go right to the fridge, finding a bowl of fresh cut fruit.God yes.

You grab it then hop on to the counter as you begin eating.  You moan at the taste of the strawberry ,

 " so that’s what gets you hot & bothered, huh?“  Buckys voice startles you ,causing you to almost drop your fruit.

 ” I’m putting fucking bells around your neck.“ you playfully threaten .

 He lets out a booming laugh while he walks closer to you . He opens his mouth , silently asking for a piece . You roll your eyes as you feed him a grape.   

" Why don’t we go  out and do something today ?” he asks,  you hum in agreement before adding,

“ If I don’t eat right now Barnes, ill be your worst nightmare."  He rolls his eyes at you with a chuckle.

 ” Shes not kidding, I’ve seen her up close when she hasn’t eaten Buck. I’m glad you found the fruit I left you . " Steve says as he enters.

Oh so now hes friendly? Fuck him and his dumb delicious fruit.

 You don’t acknowledge Steves words, or even his presence . You place the bowl of remaining fruit on the counter , hopping down from your seat . 

“ Y/n , can we -”

 " No, I don’t think we can Captain Rogers. “ 

Originally posted by wonderloves

Bucky sighs at the two of you .

 ” Told you she wouldn’t talk to him !“ Sam yells from the couch . You snort, and grab an orange off the counter and lean towards the doorway to toss it at him. You hear a thud then Sam grunt.  Bucky bursts out laughing, and you can see Steve shake his head at your antics.

 ” I’m still kinda tired Buck, maybe we can go do something another day .“ you offer

 ” What about a movie day ?“  His puppy dog eyes on full display as he asks.Jesus, I don’t think anyone can say no to him.

” Damn it Barnes.  Fine. “   You invite the rest of the team for a movie day , but only Sam, Steve , Pietro and Wanda join the two of you .  The twins sat next to each other , laughing and teasing each other the entire time.  Watching the two of them made your heart swell with happiness. They both looks so complete in each others presence, you’ve never seen Pietro so happy  .   

Originally posted by e-dna-e-mod-e

” Mr. Stark is requesting everyone in his lab in 5 minutes.“ FRIDAY announces.

I wonder what new toy he wants to show us  .

    You make your way down, sitting next to Natasha on a stool .

 ” What did he build now?“ you whisper to her

” I have no idea, but whatever it is better not be alive. “ she hisses. You cant hide your snort at her comment. The team breaks out in smiles at the sound 

 ” I cant believe I’m going to say this , but I think I fucking missed your laugh snorting. “ Clint says . You hear everyone agree , making you blush  .

” Guys stop .“ you say bashfully.   

” So get this , “ Tony says as he strolls in .

” You know you’re the one that called us here , and YOU were late. “ you point out

” I do what I want.“ he says with a shrug. Of course you do Tony.

He has FRIDAY pull up two screens, one showing your blood cell samples, and the other Pietros . They looked drastically different, yet with some similiarities.  His have specks of silver in them, along spikey balls attached to some .Ewh is that normal?

  Yours is what makes your eyes nearly pop from your head, you had the same spikey balls , but they are blue, & multiplying every few seconds.

 ” Tony what the hell is that !“ You shriek

 ” Calm down .  Pietros looks the way it does because the particles that came from your TAHITI bonded with his already mutated ones from his enhancements. Weird bonded with weirder and seemingly complimented eachother well and balanced him out. You my dear, didn’t have the prior enhancement, but the program seems to have created some. “ It did what now?

” I’m sorry what? “ He clears off Pietros screen and zooms onto yours.   

” Tony what are you saying ?“ Steve asks as he watches your screen . 

” I don’t know how to make this anymore understandable. Speedy over there, already had mutated cells when TAHITI was administered. He is already enhanced so his cells were trying to heal him the minute he was injured, the program only slightly helped since they were already laced with all the mutation possible. Y/n, had completely normal cells , hence why TAHITI helped her heal so much faster. It seems it also mutated her cells. “  

 You all are still sending him ’ wtf ’ looks, Tony pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration . ” English Tony.“ you say, annoyance clear in your tone.  

” You . Are.Enhanced. Whatever abilities you have just haven’t surfaced yet.“   

  Your mouth drops open,  ” you- I - but - what?“  Your mind cant seem to stick on one question ,the team stays silent as they watch your face scrunch in realization .

 ” It’s going to be alr-“ 

” What the hell Tony !“ you bellow ” How did SHIELD miss this !?!“   

” They didn’t miss it , they sent it over to me  so I could get a closer look and see if I could trigger-“ 

” THEY KNEW AND DIDNT TELL ME!?“

  You hate this, you hate being left out of the loop , and you especially hate being left out when its concerning you . 

   ” Y/n, calm down -“ Steve starts, he puts his hand on your shoulder but you rip yourself out of his grip .

  "  Back the hell off Steve. ” you growl   

 " Sir, it seems Miss Y/n’s vitals are skyrocketing into dangerous numbers .“ FRIDAY announces.

  ” Y/n, you need to relax. “ Tony says as he slowly approaches you .   

” Wait , Tony did you know about Y/n and Pietro all this time?“ Natasha asks suspiciously .  

He hesitates before answering, ” I didn’t know about Maximoff, but I was informed about Y/n when she woke up and they saw the abnormalities in her cells. They sent me her bloodwork when their team couldn’t- "  

“ You knew ? ” Steve slams his hands against one of the tables.   

“ It was confidential ,and even if it wasn’t, I couldn’t risk telling anyone. What If something went wrong and she didnt come back? You’d all be heartbroken  !” Tony defends.

 " I WAS ALREADY HEARTBROKEN!“  Steve snaps at Tony.  At this point, all you feel is pure rage flowing through you .

How could Tony know ,and not even call me ?  I sat in that damn facility for months, and he fucking knew?! And who the hell is Steve to say he was heartbroken! Did he forget our conversation from  last night already! 

  You try to even your breathing ,but nothing seems to help .  You register your name being called but you’re so focused on not trying to kill Tony or Steve that you cant answer. They are still bickering about you like you aren’t even in the room .   ” SHUT UP. BOTH OF YOU , JUST SHUT THE HELL UP !“ You scream at the two infront of you .  They go silent, locking their eyes on you.

 ” Miss Y/n, I advise you take a seat your vitals are showing-“  You don’t hear the rest, everything goes silent  and your vision fades to absolute darkness.

Originally posted by misskathgifs

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anonymous asked:

I'm suuuuper sick rn so I'm curious how would the fallout 4 companions react to sole getting sick? I'm sure there's some new viruses in the new world they're not used to.

I hope you feel better soon!!!

Cait: She didn’t know what she was doing and she didn’t hide it. She made them tea once, but actually it was just warm water with literal grass in it. Every time Sole tried to instruct her, she just yelled overtop of them, “I KNOW I KNOW.” 

Curie: She was ON it. She’s has the medical knowhow for most illnesses, so Sole getting sick was no problem. Even though she knew she could take care of them, she still stayed with them at all times with a worried look on her face. 

Codsworth: He’s no stranger to human illnesses. He had taken care of Sole back before the war while they were sick, so this time should be no different. He didn’t realize that illnesses could change too. When Sole didn’t get better quickly, he worried a lot, and had to ask around on what to do. 

Danse: When Sole got sick, you could see the panic on Danse’s face. He never had to deal with sick people, because they just stayed back on the prydwen. He treated them as gentle as he could, and constantly asked if they were alright with what he was doing. 

Deacon: “Don’t worry, IIIIIIII got this.” Deacon acted confident that he could take care of them but failed miserably. Accidentally spilled soup on them, he just kept saying, “it’s fine,” while he cleaned them up. In the end Sole had to yell at him how to actually take care of a sick person. 

Dogmeat: He doesn’t know what to do! Laid next to them until they felt better. 

Gage: He didn’t really worry about them, he knew that they were strong enough to get through it. That doesn’t mean he didn’t do some things to take care of them. When they were asleep, he’d adjust the blankets on top of them, and would sometimes leave food next to them for when they woke up. He got embarrassed when Sole called him out on it. 

Hancock: As soon as Sole started feeling ill, he worried immediately. He wasn’t sure if it could have been radiation poisoning, so he did his best to take care of them. Their symptoms didn’t look like radiation, so he was relieved. Stayed by their side the entire time. 

MacCready: “Okay okay don’t worry, I remember some stuff from when I was a kid….” MacCready checked their temperature by putting his hand on their forehead. “Yep, that’s a fever alright,” he sat down next to them and paused. “So what now…?” He didn’t actually know anything about how to cure ill people, but he did his best. 

Nick: “Hmmmmmm..” Nick gave them a puzzled look. All Sole could do was look up at him, they couldn’t even breathe through their nose at this point. “Hoooow about this,” Nick’s method of trying to help them was really just trial and error. 

Piper: Nervous as heck. She ran around in a panic looking for something to assuage their pain. Sole kept telling her to calm down but she just replied with, “but just LOOK AT YOU.” Eventually she tired herself out from running around, and fell asleep next to them. Piper ended up getting sick too. 

Preston: Preston was a mom. He knew exactly how to take care of them. Whenever Sole tried to get up and do something, he’d tell them to stop and rest. Probably brought them soup with an apron on. 

Strong: “Weak human should rest. Strong look after you.” By ‘look after’ he meant, make sure nothing killed them. 

X6-88: He knew the basics of how to cure human illnesses. He acted calmly but was secretly a little worried about them. They looked awful and it made him feel bad to see them like that. 

jieun is tired of your shit

anonymous asked:

Hi! Can you please do a RFA+V reacts to an MC that constantly trash talks Rika please ❤️

A/N: God damn I hate Rika lemme at her ~Admin 404

if y'all are reading this and actually like Rika im sorry but she can catch these fists

*YOOSUNG:

           -MC please stop that

           -He like WORSHIPS his cousin

           -Even after everything is done he still does and he just

           -Why would you say such nasty things about his cousin??? MC that isn’t alright

           -Throws fits all the time. Full on will pout and throw himself to the floor until you apologize

           -HATES IT

           -Loves you, but hates the things you say about his cousin

           -He’s very loving to absolutely everyone and cannot wrap his head around why you would say such mean things about his own family???

           -You work on keeping your opinions to yourself and he’s so proud of you <3

           - but you mainly hold your tongue because you love him and yandere yoosung is scary

*ZEN:

           -MC!

           -TALKING SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE IS VERY RUDE!

           -He thought Rika was really sweet!

           -Of course he was closer with V than he was with Rika and all, but he never saw a reason to dislike her

           -Every time you go to say something bad about her, he’s right there with a finger to your lips

           -“No MC, you don’t talk ill about people, it makes you ugly on the inside”

           - you talk bad about jumin though so like um should we talk about that zen

           -Now yes, you’re allowed to have you opinions, as long as you express them without hate

           -Hate is very strong, MC, don’t just throw it around

           -Eventually you just…kinda stop? Because you don’t end up saying anything anyway since he’s always right there to remind you that it’s bad to talk about people

*JAEHEE:

           -She wasn’t very close to Rika (Since she joined the RFA late and all)

           -But she thought she was a nice and kind person

           - so pure so innocent

           -So when you say something negative about her the first time she’s surprised

           -First, she never expected you to be the type to talk shit about others

           -Second she just can’t see why you would say such things about Rika???

           -Most of the time she just lets you say what you want because they weren’t close enough to know what she was truly like and defend her

           -Like she can’t confirm nor deny that she’s crazy, it’s your opinion and she can’t change that

           -Isn’t the type to talk shit but she’s definitely down for a little gossip if you wanna tone it down a bit

           -As long as you take into consideration other people’s feelings  *coughYoosungcough* and don’t say anything to intentionally harm someone, whatever MC

*JUMIN:

           -“MC you shouldn’t talk like that”

           - i can talk how i wanna thank you very much mr trustfund kid

           -He obviously knows she’s done some bad things but he can’t talk ill about her

           -Sure he used to have feelings for her and all but that’s not what keeps him from being negative

           -He’s just not the type so see a point in it

           -What will talking shit bring you? What will it fix? What use is it? There is no use for it

           -You can talk all you want but most of the time he just stays quiet and lets it slide

           -But some of the words that come out of your mouth MC, how can such a pretty mouth say such dirty words

           - lets see how dirty your mouth can get, wink wonk im soRRY

           -Just please don’t say anything extremely rude, he doesn’t like it, people deserve some sort of level of respect

*SAEYOUNG:

           -Preeeetty sure he’d hate her at the end of it all because???

           -She brain washed his brother and all this shit?????

           -No thank you

           -Wouldn’t say anything when you say negative things about her

           -Gets quiet and just nods

           -He doesn’t bring anything up but if you’re already talking about her, he’ll input his opinion if you want it

           -Actually thinks it’s a little funny? Because you’re just so feisty and just bring it up randomly

           -Y'all could be laying in bed, 2 AM, almost asleep, and you just whisper “god I hate her”

           -And he can’t help but laugh because it’s just so out of nowhere

           -Just wow MC, you can hold a grudge can’t you?

*V:

           -MC that was the love of his life at one time

           -Yes, he knows that she’s crazy but he still loved her

           -Yes, he loves you now, but still

           -He isn’t the type to hold grudges or to really talk ill about someone

           -Understands that you’re angry about everything she’s done and everything she’s put him through

           -Lowkey takes it as a compliment because wow you love me this much to hate this person

           -But is also like “MC hate is a strong word- MC YOU SHOULDN’T CALL ANYONE THAT NAME THAT IS A BAD WORD”

           - okay but listen v,,,,, am i wrong???? no i am not

           -Just quietly listens to you rant and say what you want most of the time because you’re allowed to have your own opinions

           -But you can’t help but apologize because?? He’s so sweet and it’s kind of heartbreaking to talk about his past love that way when it was very obvious he really loved her

*SAERAN:

           -“Fuck her she’s crazy” “I know right?”

           -Seriously I think he’d talk shit too

           -Like sure at one point he was like “THIS IS MY SAVIOUR” but once he’s gotten help and like out of her control

           -Wouldn’t you talk shit too??

           -At the beginning I’m sure he’d get angry and tell you to just knock it off

           -But as time goes on I think he’d start to realize how terrible she really is

           -So go ahead MC, trash talk all you want

           -He’ll just nod along or tell you some things you didn’t even know about her

           -Loves the fire you get in your eyes when you talk about it though because WOW

           -You care about him that much??? To have these feelings towards her??? That strongly???

some general tips for people with executive dysfunction

1. invest in a can of dry shampoo!!! they’re not particularly expensive (mine is batiste brand, i got it for $8).  showering a lot can suck for low energy people, esp people who are trying to get their hair to adjust to getting washed less offten (hair gets oily very quickly after long periods of being washed every day) and this can save lot of time while also making you feel clean!! 

2. BANANAS ARE A GODSEND. i get very sick in the morning, and im also perpetually low on energy, which usually makes me opt out of breakfast. but bananas are quick, easy, filling, and (fun fact) make you less nauseous somehow? idk. they’re great. if you never eat breakfast like me, try to start buying bananas more often as its a really good backup 

(this one’s kind of big so ill break it down so its easier to read) 

3. clean stuff as soon as possible rather than waiting for it to build up. it doesn’t have to be huge, time consuming tasks. just small steps to save yourself from some stress in the future. 

  • pick up clothes from the floor the second you take it off and put it in the washing machine. you don’t have to turn it on or do the washing now, but now its off your floor which is great!
  • throw stuff in the trash can the first time around instead of having it pile up. take empty cups/plates into the kitchen right away (you can go around the house, or even just your room and pick up dishes whenever you need to take a break from working or studying)
  • quickly do your bed first thing!! it doesn’t have to be extremely neat, honestly just dust off your covers, fold it at the foot of your bed and fluff your pillows a bit!! it took a minute but now your room looks a lot cleaner!

4. break up everything into small tasks/create routines that are very specific! my example will be showering.

  • when i shower, i break it up into very very specific parts. the first thing, probably the hardest, is getting myself in the shower. focusing on how showering is not a stressful activity, how it feels good and how good you feel after can definitely minimize the amount of time i spend psyching myself to get up, as overtime the idea of showering becomes an intrinsic part of your day rather than a task or chore. 
  • after i get myself in, the hardest part’s done, and i can relax. i do my routine, which at this point, has become a no brainer. my routine is: shampoo, conditioner (but i dont wash it out), body wash/soap, face wash, brushing my teeth (yes i brush my teeth in the shower fuck off two birds with one stone), and then finally i wash the conditioner out! this is weird but if im done extra quickly, i’ll let myself just stand there until the water runs cold bc idk i really like showering?? 

starting a new routine is always difficult but just stick with it. you can start introducing a routine one task at a time, you can remember to just wash your hair and then get out if thats all the energy you have today. and dont be ashamed about music in the shower!!! i played music on my phone in the shower every day for a year maybe? ive stopped now bc my last phone’s headphone port broke bc of water damage but anyway thats not relevant 

5. keeping a calendar and planner is great in feeling good and organized. you dont have to get a super expensive bullet journal, just start small. i got my current calendar as a christmas gift (theres food puns every month i love it) and my school provides planners. dont feel obligated to use it EVERY DAY and constantly have the best handwriting. just keep it on your desk in class and at home for whenever you need it

6. music and podcasts are good for any time. waking up but feeling super anxious and you dont want to get up? music/podcasts drown out your thoughts and can help you start your day in a nice way. studying and feeling really bored and annoyed?? listen to your favorite songs. trying to go to sleep but your annoying brain wont shut up? nice chill podcasts, or even just longish youtube videos help. 

  • music (especially instrumental music) is best for when you need to think and focus on a task. podcasts are good for menial tasks that dont require you to think that much, as podcasts are more engaging and have you focus on something so you feel less bored/procrastinatey!!! 
  • my favorite songs to listen to when studying are actually playlists ive made! (here and here) and my podcast/video recommendations are off topic and grumpcasts/long game grumps videos, but i understand that this isnt for everyone (cw: lots of swearing, dark humor, stupid casual racism/sexism/transphobia/ableism but its just something i put up with bc i really like michael jones)

i can’t really think of anything else right now!! these are just all the things i do that actually do help a lot

i see lots of sentiment in the studyblr community that basically says “your future self wont be pleased with your pathetic excuses right now :)” and stuff like that and just…please remember that executive dysfunction is never “just an excuse”, it is a legitimate reason for not being able to complete tasks. feeling frustrated with yourself is normal, but you should never be made to feel guilty for not being able to do something, no matter how menial or how crucial. you’re great and you can do this <3

Please help me get my life together!

Hello followers and non followers do I have a story for you

The name’s Madison but you can call Me Maddie Im a 20 year old lesbian who is so mentally ill that it has been effecting me physically Ive lost almost 20 pounds in over a month as well as having little to know appetiteI’ve been very emotionally unstable recently,Feverish off and on,I have a suspicion i may have schizophrenia, And i’ve been having problems i’ve been watching im concerned about and not too sure what too do  ive been getting with chest pains and once a week sometimes two weeks my heart feels like its struggling and i cant do anything for a few seconds??? its terrifying and of course my heart racing feeling its going to beat out my chest when im just sitting around

somewhat came out to my mother a few months ago but really she looked at my private information on my phone when i was going through some serious lesbophobia and trying to get some advice with friends shes been off and on about accepting me that night i had told her even though i already knew that she knew she made me feel like something was wrong with me and I had some sort of demon and PCOS

The money I’ve made I’ve gotten through my job gifts through holidays and some help from other people have been taken by my parents as well

The point is I really need some money If any of you have a couple of extra bucks to share I would be soooo Greatful! It will go to: 1. Putting aside savings for emergencys 2. Giving proper care to my dog (Who needs medicine to prevent heart worms and his rabies shot soon) 3. A laptop so i can draw away from home 4. Getting some money aside for driving lessons (I’ve been too mentally ill and let my parents walk over me for too long its hard to get a job when i have to rely on them i had to sob to my mom to take my dog who was bitten to the vet and tell her to please take me to the doctors for a week when i was sick) That’s what im starting with for now im trying not too overwhelm myself My mom put me through three anxiety attacks in almost 2 weeks i called my brother up telling him i was not doing well and he rescued me about two weeks ago today which i am so greatful I will immediately follow you!

I really need help and made these examples today to show my improvement and what i can do

Heres a simple but cute sketch which will be 5$ or lower Depending on how complex the character (I’ll leave out the guidelines at the face and put more effort)

Colored and cute 9$

Detailed sketch 6$ (Again i’ll put more work in it I most these examples in several hours today)

Lineart 8$ added characters 2$ each

Colored 10$ shaded 12$

Background an extra 2$ (Old example)

Memes 4$

Im not the best with humans,Backgrounds,and Inanimate objects but I will do my best! Thank you so much for listening and if you cant help me out please spread the word! To those who are willing to help me out I can’t thank you enough

To those willing to help me out please give me time to get it done my anxiety has been through the roof lately and I really want to make sure you’re all happy with all i make for you in return!

Thank you so much!

Support me here:

paypal.me/Rawringrainbows

Thorin x Reader: Evermore Pt. 1

Originally posted by tallian

(Author’s note:  Oh my gosh, you guys, this turned out to be longer than expected.  It’s just too interesting of an idea to sum up in an imagine, so I’m making it into two parts.  Hope you enjoy it!

Warning:  Thorin is kind of a jerk in this, but only because of the dragon sickness.  He’s not really dangerous or anything.  

I ALSO feel the need to tell you ladies that if any man yells at you or makes you feel afraid or unsafe in real life, then kick his sorry rear to the curb and get help!  Don’t put up with anyone’s crap, okay?  You’re better than that!  Love you all!) Oh yeah, all you Richard Armitage fangirls might recognize one of the lines from one of his other roles!  (Gif, song lyrics are not mine!  Credit to original owners!)

    “_________!”  Thorin bellowed.

    You winced at how his deep voice echoed throughout Erebor.  He definitely did not sound too happy.  As usual.  The anxiety was quickly replaced with anger as you closed the book in your hand and slammed it down on the table, causing Bilbo, Ori, and Balin to look at you in surprise.  

    Ever since the Company reclaimed Erebor and the gold fell into Thorin’s possession, he had not been himself.  All he ever did was mull about the halls and throne room, not speaking to anyone unless he wanted to give an order regarding the search and recovery of the Arkenstone.   He had been obsessed with finding it. Not to mention he would take time out of his day to just stare at the heaps of gold that Smaug had previously guarded.  It was as if the treasure had some sort of hold on him.

    To be fair, you had been overwhelmed the first few days by the glittering wealth. However, it started to get old the moment Thorin commanded the Company to search each and every pile of gold to find that Arkenstone.  Now you just wished for it all to disappear.

    “If he is calling me in to make me search that treasure room one more time…” you muttered bitterly, standing to your feet.

    “I know you’re frustrated, child.  You have every right to be,” Balin told you gently.  “But I would advise you not to say anything of it.”

    “We don’t want to set him off,” Bilbo agreed.

    “I know,” you replied with a sigh.  

    Balin looked at you worriedly with a frown.  He began to get up from his chair.  “Maybe it’s best if I go with you.”

    “No, it’s fine.”  You didn’t want to stress out the elderly dwarf any more than he already was.  “This is Thorin we’re talking about, after all.”

    “He is very…unstable at this time.  If you were to provoke him…”

    “I’ll try not to.”

    “_________!”  The angry voice called once more, making you jump. Bilbo shot you a look of concern as you left, and you could’ve sworn there was a twinge of guilt in his expression. He had been asking a lot of questions about the Arkenstone lately.  Perhaps he found it after all…?  It didn’t matter either way.  The longer it was kept from Thorin, the better.

    You tried to maintain your composure as neared the throne room.  If Thorin kept being a jerk, it was going to be a lot harder to refrain from losing it.  Upon entering the room, you were faced with a scene that you saw every day now, but still broke your heart every time.

    Thorin paced back and forth across the room, his royal robes trailing messily behind him.  His hair was greasy and unkempt, a result of his carelessness towards anything that didn’t have to do with the treasure.  His skin had become pale from not eating, and there were dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep.  You and the others tried your best to make sure he took care of himself, but it was no use.  To think you had once admired him.  Loved him, even.  You still cared for him, but he was not half the leader he once was.  No longer deserving of anyone’s admiration now that he had broken a promise to the people of Lake-town.

    “Can I help you?” you asked, keeping you tone calm and even.  

    “Why are you not searching?”

    “What?”  You were taken by surprise by how utterly cross he looked that the question barely registered.

    “Why are you not searching?” he repeated the question with greater emphasis, taking a step closer.  “The whole lot of you insists on wasting time while my Arkenstone remains lost!”

    You held back an exasperated sigh.  “We’ve been searching most of the day, every day, for nearly a week.  It’s time that we rest, or else we risk losing our energy and getting ill.”

    “Nonsense,” he growled. Then, his expression took on a cold look.  For some reason, it was more unsettling than his previously angry state.  “I suppose I cannot expect you to understand the importance of finding the Arkenstone.  Since you are not a dwarf of Erebor.”

    You stared at him for a moment as the words sunk in.  That was it.  You had put up with his bossiness and mood swings this entire time, searching desperately for his precious Arkenstone while trying to find time to take care of yourself and the others…And now he had the nerve to imply that you simply didn’t care as much as he did? Because you weren’t a dwarf of Erebor? You were normally a very easy-going person, but that sent you over the edge.

    “How dare you tell me that I don’t understand the importance of the situation!” you snapped, unable to hold back any longer.  

    “How dare I?” He looked appalled.  “How dare you speak to me in this manner!”

    “I have travelled alongside you as a member of the Company from the start!  I’ve fought and risked my life several times for this cause. For your people.  For you.” You let out a frustrated sigh, avoiding his burning gaze.  There was no way he was going to just let this go.  You feared what he would say next.  So, rather than stick around to find out, you turned to stalk out of the throne room.

    “Where are you going?”

    “Away.  Anywhere to get away from you.”

    “You cannot leave.”

    “Oh yes I can.  And I will.  I think I will go pay Thranduil and Bard a visit.  I hear they’re treating their subjects a lot better,” you retorted angrily, not even sparing a glance at Thorin over your shoulder.  Footsteps pounded on the stone floor as he raced to catch up with you.  A warm, calloused hand found its way to your wrist.  It was a firm grasp, but not menacing or painful.

    “I command you to stay,” he said, although the anger in his voice faltered.  It sounded more like a plea than an order.

    You turned around to see him standing right there, blue eyes focused on you intently as he waited for your response.  It was hard to miss the fact that they looked much clearer now, as if the dragon sickness had less of a hold on him in this moment.  As if this was the real Thorin talking now.  It filled you with enough hope to almost make you reconsider the decision to leave.  However, if you gave in, there was a good chance he’d fall right back into the sickness again and things would go back to normal…with you searching the seemingly endless pile of treasure for that stupid Arkenstone while he lounged around in the throne room all day.  You couldn’t go back to that.  You just couldn’t.

    “I don’t have to follow your orders, king under the mountain,” you replied curtly.  “You said it yourself; I’m not a dwarf of Erebor.”

    With that, you pulled your wrist from his grip and left the room.  Your feet carried you swiftly down the halls back to the library where all your things were kept.  Balin, Bilbo, and Ori glanced up when you entered, looking worried.

    “What happened, child?” Balin asked, his eyebrows furrowing with concern.  

A roar echoing from the throne room seemed to answer his question.  He looked at the doorway solemnly.

    “Are you alright?” Bilbo asked, noticing the tears trickling down your face as you gathered things for the short journey.

     “I have to leave,” you told him.  “Right now. I’m so sorry.  I thought that once we reclaimed Erebor, this would become a home of sorts for me.  I wanted so badly to stay here with you and the others, but I just don’t belong here. I’m sorry!”

    Balin breathed a small sigh, his eyes glistening with tears that threatened to fall, as he patted your shoulder gently.  “It is alright, dear.  I understand. None of us blame you.”

    You pulled him into a hug, then Bilbo and Ori.  “Thank you for everything.  I hope this whole thing ends soon so we can all be together again.”

    “Me too,” Ori agreed sadly.

     “Safe travels,” Bilbo added.

   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    As soon as you had left, Thorin stood there by the open door for a minute, as if waiting for you to come walking back in and saying it was all a big mistake.  That you’d stay.  When you didn’t return, he paced away from the door angrily.

I was the one who had it all
I was the master of my fate
I never needed anybody in my life
I learned the truth too late

    How ungrateful, he thought to himself, that you should leave so suddenly!  He had offered you a home, a place among his people.  And here you were running off!  He let out a desperate roar, hearing it reverberate through the room.

    The door creaked, signaling someone’s arrival.  Oh, here you were.  Crawling back to him to beg for his forgiveness.  Thorin halted in the middle of the throne room, fists clenched, lips pulled back in a sneer as he whipped his head around to glare at the door. But it wasn’t you.  It was Dwalin.

    The usually rough and tough warrior stood before him, crestfallen.  “She’s gone,” he said simply, and those two words made Thorin feel strangely empty.  It sparked a moment of clarity in the ever-present cloud of sickness.

    How could he have let this happen?  How could drive you away like that?  He cared for you deeply, though he had never brought himself to tell you.  Perhaps he should have.   Maybe you wouldn’t be running away now if he had told you his feelings.

    “That’s that, then,” Dwalin sighed.  “It’s about time.  With the way you treated her, she was bound to leave eventually.”

    Thorin shot his friend a glare, but inside he was in agreement with the warrior.  You had put up with so much the past few days. Searching and searching for that Arkenstone.  At the thought of the jewel, the dragon sickness took hold of him again, and he felt justified in his actions.  This was the Arkenstone, after all.  No effort should be spared in trying to find it.

    Dwalin lingered in the room for a moment longer before deciding it was no use.  Thorin would not be snapping out of it anytime soon.

    After he had left, Thorin whirled around and stomped his way towards the treasury.  Looking at the gold always made him feel better.  It drowned out the battle taking place in his mind.  He no longer heard the voice of the real Thorin trying to make him see reason. All his senses were instead filled with the glittering mess that spread out before him.    

 I’ll never shake away the pain
I close my eyes but she’s still there
I let her steal into my melancholy heart
It’s more than I can bear

    Thorin paused when he heard footsteps stepping gingerly across the treasure, scattering coins and creating miniature jewel avalanches.  The sound was accompanied by sniffling and muffled sobs.  It was you.  Thorin jumped behind a column to hide his form from your view, only tipping his head slightly to watch as you picked up a handful of coins.

    The sickness raged inside of him.  Did you dare to take his treasure?  To steal from the king under the mountain?  He was about to leap from his hiding spot and confront you, when he saw you narrow your eyes at the coins in hand.

    “I hate you,” you muttered as if the coins could hear you.  “I hate you so much.  You’ve destroyed the lives of so many.”  Then, you cast the handful of coins aside bitterly as you continued on your way.

    Guilt and shame gripped Thorin as he watched you leave, empty-handed.  This was you, after all.  He always knew that you were much too honorable to take those coins without permission.  Deep down, a part of him knew that even if you had taken the coins, you had every right. You did have rights to one-fifteenth of the treasure.  The dragon sickness pushed the thought out of his mind.

    Mine.  It’s all mine.

     Thorin followed, staying in the shadows, as you headed for the front gate.  It was no matter that they had recently built the wall up with debris and broken boulders from when Smaug broke through.  You simply lowered a rope and began a careful descent until you reached the ground below.  

Now I know she’ll never leave me
Even as she runs away
She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me
Move me, come what may


Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I’ll fool myself she’ll walk right in
And be with me for evermore

    Your boots touched the grass below, and you took off running for where Thranduil’s army had set up camp. Thorin stood on the balcony in silence, watching as you ran without stopping.

    “Look back.  Look back at me.”

I rage against the trials of love
I curse the fading of the light
Though she’s already flown so far beyond my reach
She’s never out of sight

    He watched as your form grew smaller and smaller in the distance, realizing that this was really it.  You had gone.

Now I know she’ll never leave me
Even as she fades from view
She will still inspire me, be a part of
Everything I do

Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I’ll fool myself she’ll walk right in
And as the long, long nights begin
I’ll think of all that might have been
Waiting here for evermore!

    But even as you ran away, he couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t the end.    

(PART 2: HERE)

am I the only one who can’t seem to keep any hobbies because if I’m not “the best” at whatever it is I become obsessed with, then I just give up and find some other new hobby. Like, I’ll think me becoming a pro at whatever hobby is impossible/unattainable or I just want to be good at it NOW without putting in the effort to learn. I just want to finally be good at something!

❤ - go blind/speed dating and happen to find each other (w/ idol!yoongi)

You would like to think of yourself as someone who had nothing to be afraid of (other than spiders because fuck that eight-legged piece of shi-). But in this moment as you’re making your way down to a place you never had a chance to agree to (but screw Jung Hoseok, just because he thinks he’s all famous now he can pull this shit on you), there’s no other choice. 

Hoseok was a great friend, you’ll give him that. He was patient, kind and loving but an asswipe who could guilt trip you with just one try of: “Are you really going to put him down like this by not showing up and giving him a chance? After all I’ve done to trying to get him to agree to this?”

Yeah, screw you.

Brushing off all ill thoughts and the many, many possibilities of how this could go wrong, one last breath before you push the door open to enter the restaurant wipes everything off to give this guy a shot. So far, in all your life, blind dates… hadn’t ended on the most positive notes. The other end would always be a mismatched piece to your puzzle, leaving the image of what could be and might be to incomplete.

You’re crossing out the previous… unpleasant dates to start afresh and maybe, just maybe things would be fine.

Fuck it things weren’t fine. The guy’s head was clearly too big for his body, throwing slurs and spewing words without much consideration if someone around him could haul his ass down for the things he’s said. Or the fact that he blatantly stated how your outfit didn’t seem to match your choice of colors (which by the way, fuck you dude, black matches with anything) so one last straw of him making a rude comment about how women deserve to be talked down regardless of the situation has you grabbing the cup of water before giving him the taste of how it feels like to be sitting here, listening to his crap as the coldness of iced water shocks him to his face.

With one last smile, you get up and leave.

As you’re walking down the sidewalk, you plan on leaving Hoseok a generous length of a voice message but white paints your face at the missing presence of your phone but - “H-Hey, miss?”

You spin around with your guard up, ready to pounce if it was that asshole that did nothing but waste your time with inconsideration and ignorance but - “Woah, easy there,”

When you realize it’s not him, you sigh and face him properly, shaking your head with an apology ready to be said but then - “I’m not that idiot who thought women deserved to be talked shit to,”

Your mouth opens, with a question ready to be asked but you only get out a soft how… and it seems like the stranger understands what you mean when he chuckles and makes you hold onto your phone before he leans back with his hands in his pocket, a smile on his face that somehow makes you feel like he understands.

“I was sitting at the table beside you,”

He finds it endearing when you start to think back of whether he was there or not and he waits patiently as you dig up through your fresh memories. He chuckles when you snap your fingers, eyes wide as you blink at him, “Ah! The one with the girl who argued the world was a cube?”

He groans and throw his head back, “Don’t even begin with that,”

There’s a mutual laughter being shared, as if comfort towards one another to make up for a - “Bad date?”

He blows his fringe that’s not covered by his beanie and rolls his shoulders, pouting a little at you and that’s a little cute to you, “I think yours was worse,”

“Well, I wouldn’t be so mad if he argued about the world being a damned box than all the crap he said,”

There’s another pause for a laugh, before this stranger puts his hand out, offering a smile, “I’m Yoongi. Hopefully, I don’t say as much crappy things as the last one,”

“Yoongi?” Your head bobs forward, yet, you put your hand in his with a small brow raise. He feels his heart dropping at the possible realization you might have. Cross his heart, over and over, please don’t but - “Ah! You’re Hoseok’s friend, right?”

She might be living under a rock, but that’s a rock I want to be under with.

“H-Hoseok? You know him?” He lets your hand go, and while it does make his heart yearn to hold it for a while longer, curiosity gets the best of him to straighten facts out before he jumps to conclusions. “Are we talking about the same guy here?”

“Yeah! He calls himself J-Hope but really, J Hope he can get some girls with that name,”

“I take it as you’re not too much of a fan of BTS?”

“Maybe if you were in it, I might be,”

“What if I told you I was?”

He’s stunned when you hold your hand out, palm facing up, eyes boring into his own with a hint of charisma that hooks Yoongi on, “Proof or it’s fake,”

He can see through that you’re doing this because it’s fun, and he returns the favor with narrowing his eyes at you with pressed lips. You mimic him and try to see if you can get him to crack if you lean in to stare at him but it doesn’t work when he too, holds his hand up and you lean away with your eyes widening at his arm raised in midair, “Dinner for proof,”

Although you could easily google (like Hoseok tells you to because woman if you don’t believe me, that’s your problem), you think, it is way more interesting when you slip your hand in his, allowing him to tug you to another restaurant with a deal.

((the real deal here is that yoongi didn’t even need to have proof to prove to you the legibility of such existence of a group. he finds that you find it much more interesting to know about him as a person, and vice versa when he enjoys listening to you speak.

oh, even more when you’re able to lead him back to his dorm, which is also where - “jung hoseok, i’m going to murder you!”

“h-hey! how come you’re with yoongi-hyung? how was the date-y/n! it hurts!”

yoongi only stands a distance away as he watches you tackle hoseok to the ground, hitting him non-stop and it’s a bit too fast for this but yoongi thinks he can get used to seeing you around in the dorm.))

Her Having a Big Argument w/ Her Friend and Coming to Them for Comfort: BTS

Jin:

He would be very concerned for you, almost to the point where he felt and shared your sadness, maybe whipping something tasty up to cheer you up at least a little bit.


Suga:

No but, he would honestly just motion you over to himself with his hand and kinda like squeeze you very tightly, telling you all the words of comfort through that one action, kissing the crown of your head to reassure you that everything’s going to be fine.


J-Hope:

It would be one of those rare moments where HoSeok would be completely serious, trying to reassure you by saying that your anger will cease eventually and then you two will be able to apologize and talk to each other again, the argument behind you two.


Rap Monster:

“Sure, it is also a part of friendship to get into arguments with the ones you hold dear. Without them, there would be too much pent up frustration at each other. Now it is up to you two to make up and be friends once again. It’s life.”


JiMin:

Very serious very quickly. Your problems the most important thing at the moment, and he will be asking how you were feeling, asking what happened and how it did. He will be the one that will try to help you come up with a make-up strategy.


V:

“Now we put our hands together, take in a deep breath and then release it through our mouths to help us relax. Then, you will tell me everything that has happened and we ill call your friend and make you two friends again.”


JungKook:

“Yeah, well, she doesn’t realize what she lost.”