but ill allow it this time

in SU something i really want to just. see more of is how OTHER PEOPLE are mourning rose.

we see it with pearl. every single time. over and over. sometimes we see it with greg but even then it became more about how pearl was mourning. im not saying she isnt allowed to mourn, im just. look im tired of watchign everyone else’s emotions be pushed aside by the narrative so pearl can mourn more and more (and yes, this being said by a very mentally ill person– i get what mourning is like and having no control over your emotions. but pearl isnt a person shes a character in a story. the writers make all these decisions)

i wanna see more of garnet being forced to be the leader. how unsteady she was. how she felt as the future she always saw quickly became replaced by a future where rose didn’t exist anymore. how amethyst reacted to hearing rose, someone she always knew, one of the only constants shes always had, wouldn’t be around anymore–ever again. did garnet feel guilty? if she drove greg away this wouldnt happen, but also rose wouldn’t be happy. was amethyst not enough? amethyst could try being a baby if thats really what rose wanted and greg and her could just raise her instead of rose going away forever. garnet heard that some humans cant have a child on their own so they could get a human baby no one wants anymore right? 

and i wanna see all this without pearl being or turning into the main focus. she can be there. she can cry. she can rest her hands on their shoulders. she can say “i understand. im sorry i haven’t–i haven’t let you grieve have i? i am so used to feeling like rose’s everything i forgot how much she meant to you and i’m sorry. i want to hear you out, i want to hear about how you feel” 

i would legit rather watch this than see that cursed fucking barn again okay 

6 Steps in Learning to Love Yourself

1. See the good in your past. There will always be things that we wish had never happened; there will always be bad memories and things that we regret. But they are part of who you are – so accept that they have happened and celebrate the person they’ve allowed you to become.

2. Invest time in the things that bring you happiness. It’s important to identify the things that you enjoy, and that make you come alive, and are all a part of “you”. Spending time on those things will help to raise your self-esteem, as you’re valuing yourself when you pursue happiness.

3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. We all make mistakes - and when we think of them we cringe. But that doesn’t make you any worse than other people. Just try and learn what you can, and then move on with your life.

4. Stop criticising yourself. So often we’re really our own worst enemy. We look for our flaws, and we put ourselves down – instead of being understanding of our own limitations. It’s time to change that behaviour – so start loving yourself.

5. Listen to your instincts and intuitions. If you want to love yourself, you must listen to yourself. Pay attention to those instincts and your instant gut reaction – and trust that you are right when you hear that inner voice.

6. Appreciate your life. Of course there are things that you wish that you could change. But some things are good, and are worth appreciating. So, focus on, appreciate, and make lots of your strengths.

if you’re stressed about your grades/future: “you are young and you will take your damn time.”

A few days ago I had an emotional breakdown about my future (surprise lol.) It’s not as though this doesn’t happen daily, but it’s dawned on me that I couldn’t even discern my true desires from what my lack of self confidence was trying to feed me.

I allowed self-deprecation to get the best of me, and it turned an erroneous decision into one that seemed the most “right for my situation.” I had a plan. But I was not confident nor happy with that plan, so I fell apart. 

Parked in front of my dad’s house, I voiced the concern that–although I thought was a result of flakiness–actually stemmed from an acute source of insecurity. 

My dad then turned around and told me something that I’m positive will stay with me forever. 

“Don’t you dare feel like you have limited options based on your past mistakes. You are not limited and you will never BE limited. Don’t rule any opportunity out right now. You’re not running out of options, you just haven’t found all of them yet. You have so much power left.

I asked him what power a teen/young adult could have, and he looked at me with so much conviction and said, “Youth. You have youth, and youth itself holds so much power. You’re only 17. I wish I were 17. I wish I had that much more left in me, but I don’t. You are 17, you are young, and you will take your damn time.” 

I initially interpreted this as a projection of his own regret. But now, I interpret it as empowerment. I think about it whenever I feel completely overwhelmed by all that I have left to do. Why should I consider quitting now? I’m only 17. Many of you are also of high school, college, or graduate school age, and we have such a long way to go. We’re only so young, and compared to our parents–people who have so many decades of experience under their belt–we don’t know the half of what life has to offer us. And that’s ok, because we have so much left to experience. 

In college, I want to explore different courses. I want to find something that’s right for me, but in order to do so, I need breadth of experience rooted in thoughtful discussion and exposure to a range of things. Although I love art, I want to obtain a liberal arts education as well. And finally having said this, I realized that whatever I thought was “right” was only only a thinly veiled attempt to evade my insecurities.

Records don’t matter. Grades are trifling in the grand scheme of things. My future job is only a portion of what will comprise the best days of my life. Bad teachers, vague assignments, tough environments–I can trudge through the difficulties and I will prosper, because that’s what I can do as someone with youth on my side. This isn’t to say that someone who is older doesn’t have the same privilege. My dad wants to continue to program, and all the more power to him!

But that only exemplifies how much time we have as people who are so young. We have a leg up, and I’m certain that we need to utilize the extra time, stamina, opportunity, and youth that we have to make decisions based on our own situations–not on what other people expect of us, and certainly not according to what our stress and anxiety wants us to believe. 

(The last bit is incredibly difficult, I know. But it’s a process!) 

This isn’t to say that I’m not going to worry and stress. I will! Hell, I’m stressed right now just writing this. But I’m improving. 

Ironically, this studyblr doesn’t thrive in standardized education. This studyblr struggles not with content, but with structure. This studyblr is really nervous about the coming year. But even then, I still have so many choices that it’d be insulting of me to become my only limitation. Obstacles are not impenetrable–not when I have so much power on my side. 

Sometimes (actually most of the time) I don’t really feel like I’m mentally ill or allowed to say I’m mentally ill. Like, my problems aren’t cause by mental illness, it’s just an excuse for my laziness and lack of self discipline and my own character flaws. I feel like I’m just faking or playing it up and that I’m not really mentally ill. Then if I just got my shit together, all my problems would go away. It’s a really weird feeling and does little more than to make me feel worse.

There’s this “Hierarchy of Abuse” in abusive families and environments, it’s like an unsaid law about who is allowed to hurt who, for example take the most dangerous, most terrifying parent, they’re allowed to abuse everyone in the family, to use any measure to dominate the field and have their way every time, and everyone else is to endure it and put their heads down and obey, and this kind of continual abuse is going to build up frustration and anger and family members won’t be able to keep that down for long, they can’t confront the main abuser or call them out because that’s too dangerous, too risky, they might end up punished even worse for daring to speak up, so they pick their targets, family members who are more unlikely to retaliate, the ones with less power, and take it out on them instead. 

That’s how you get a mother taking out abuse on her children, (or father, if mother is the main abuser) because if he is allowed to abuse her all he wants, then at least she should get to treat children any way she wants, since they’re lower in the hierarchy of power, they can’t defend or strike back, and she will feel safe to hurt them, she will even demand that they have to understand that she has it rough so they should at least let her take it out on them. She’s in that way “re-claiming” some power, in a twisted way because hurting a child does not give you power, it makes you a piece of shit. I’ve seen this turn around though, sometimes the children will be allowed in actual higher place in hierarchy and will get to abuse the mother! If the main abuser favours a child over the mother and supports the abuse of mother, the children will follow because they don’t want to end up the last in hierarchy and take the worst of the abuse. But the original structure is, one parent abuses another, sometimes children too, and the other parent gets to take it out on the children, and children then get to take it out on each other, older child on the younger, or sometimes it will be the reverse, if the main abuser favours a younger child it will actually get to beat and abuse the older one. 

This kind of “Abuse Hierarchy” will stay rooted inside of a child’s brain and the person will study every new environment to find their place in hierarchy, to figure out who they need to tolerate abuse from, and who they can hurt all they want because they can and will get away with it, that’s how you get bullies, violent children, and later, people who will fight to be at the highest possible position in hierarchy, at work and in society, merely to abuse that position and abuse and humiliate as many people as possible, they’re still living out their childhood, fighting to be the main abuser so they could control everyone and get their way every time, that’s what the hierarchy creates, a fight to always be on top, to always be the strongest abuser. 

And of course, there’s those who have always been on the last place in Abuse Hierarchy. The ones who took abuse from everyone else. They learned they have no worth and no sense except to take abuse from others. They blame themselves for being in the last place, as if it’s their fault they were born into a situation that destroys them slowly, for other’s benefit. They don’t want to be on the top, they don’t want to hurt anyone, because they know how bad it feels to be on the other side. They wont fight to abuse anyone. They try to help others, to do good, to deserve better. They’re not harmful, but they carry a heavy burden of guilt and shame that isn’t theirs to carry. They’re exploited so everyone else in the hierarchy would have it better. They’re taking all the frustrations, pain, insults, emotional abuse, psychological damage, even physical damage in their bodies and minds so that others wouldn’t have to carry it. They get destroyed. Nobody acknowledges it. They get no credit. They’re dehumanized. Their lives used to make everyone else’s lives easier.

Abusers would be nothing without the last ones in hierarchy. Abusers would never be able to feel superior, strong, powerful or great without having someone to humiliate and hurt. Abusers are empty, just a shell of a person, no worth or humanity inside, they think the ability to destroy what is good, to hurt and abuse what is good makes them powerful, that damage, rather than creation, makes them great. They’re not great. They’re nothing. They don’t do anything for this world. They’re a burden to society, their family, and the ones they force into the toxic hierarchy. They owe everything they are, and everything they have, to those they abused the most.

Secrets to Success

1. Move outside your comfort zone and try doing something you’re afraid to do.

2. Don’t overplan your week, year or life. Allow yourself the chance to be taken by surprise.

3. Meet new people and make new friends. It’s an excellent way to grow and learn.

4. Make a note of your thoughts and ideas. They may be creative – and lead to something great.

5. Allow yourself some time for peace and solitude. Being quiet and alone will recharge your batteries – and provides a fertile ground for thinking through your new ideas.

6. Be honest with yourself, and what you want from life …. And what you need to do to make your dreams reality.

7. Show an interest in others, and what’s happening in their life. Reaching out and helping people is part of true success.

8. Have fun. We’re attracted to people who seem to love their life – and since we only get one chance, we might as well enjoy our life!

Trans Joker Rambles (because I'm self indulgent)

- J used to bind with tape or bandages because whilst he’s one fancy motherfucker he really has no sense of self preservation and has way too much pride to steal some binders and have people find out he’s trans

- He does, however, get Harley to loot drugstores for painkillers and period products, and shark week is the only time that Harls is allowed to look after him (J gets real bad cramps and sickness and shit when he’s on his period)

- Bruce finds out long before they start dating; Batman bursts into the Jokers hideout, ready to arrest the clown, and is thoroughly confused to find his arch nemesis curled up on a worm armchair, crying and whimpering. At first Batsy thinks joker is ill, but J can’t help but make the empty threat of “I started my day in a pool of my own blood, is that how you’d like to end yours?” And everything sort of clicks in place for Bruce

- J is kinda scared because Fuck, now batsy knows and if he already had slim chances of his enemy ever respecting him, then now he had no chance whatsoever

- as much as Bruce hates joker (well he should anyway, but he can never manage to want the clown gone forever) he’s not a total dick. He decides to let J off for a week, and a couple days later Harley comes home with a package containing two binders and a tub of painkillers, claiming Nightwing had awkwardly handed them to her in the Narrows

- Once Bruce and J start dating (I really need to come up with a backstory for their relationship tbh) Bruce pays for his boyfriends T and binders, and later his surgery too. At first J felt a little annoyed that he’d never managed to pay for these things himself, but it wears off after he gets top surgery and walks around the manor shirtless for weeks until Alfred reminds him it’s winter

- J getting emotional when everyone in the batfam is accepting of him (gender wise anyway, not so much about the “murderous clown dating Bruce” thing)

- Joker being trans but that not meaning he can’t be feminine or wear dresses

- Joker being trans and still smashing the gender binary

- Joker being trans and Bruce still loving him completely and cutting off anyone who claims J isn’t a real man

You Make Me Better

BASED ON THIS POST by @bleebug and subsequent comments from @thesschesthair and @seethelovelyintheworld Thanks ladies for this inspirational prompt, I had a great time writing this.  Thanks to @laschatzi and @xhookswenchx for read through and beta services!

Also on ao3 and ffnet

CS Neighbors AU where Emma is a nurse and Killian is her definitely-faking-it hypochondriac neighbor who uses illnesses and injuries as an excuse to talk to her.

*~♥~*

Emma had just put her dinner together and sat down on her couch with a nice glass of red wine, and Netflix ready to go. The upside to working in a small private practice was for the first time since attending college, Emma Swan had a somewhat normal schedule. It allowed her peaceful evenings to herself to do what she pleased. Tonight she’d been home from another long day for a mere half an hour and was beyond ready to relax.

“Swan!”

“I should have turned off the goddamn lights,” she muttered.

“Swaaaan!” the interloper persisted, pounding on her door again.

The downside meant a certain pesky neighbor soliciting free medical advice on the regular. Rolling her eyes, she put the television remote and her glass of wine on the coffee table, knowing he wasn’t going to let up.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t be neighborly, but Killian Jones was a menace. The man was a hypochondriac of the worst kind - a fake hypochondriac - some new illness ailing him weekly. She flung her door open just as he was poised to knock again. The breeze it caused carried in his scent, and Emma was olfactorily assaulted by just one of the real reasons Killian Jones drove her crazy.  The next havoc he wreaked on her was the sight waiting before her. Killian Jones, shirtless… again, gingerly propped up against the frame of her door. Last time he’d shown up shirtless he’d insisted that a tiny mosquito bite on his back was a case of the shingles. She wondered if his shirtless visits were nothing more than a chance for him to flaunt his altogether delicious chest: just the right amount of definition and muscle covered by taut skin that pulled as he gesticulated his every word, all overlaid with beautiful black chest hair that descended into a thin trail disappearing under the waistband of his pajama pants.

“Swan, thank the gods you’re here, lass. I need medical assistance.”

Keep reading

Humans are Weird

Adding to the idea that aliens would be so confused by how aggressively social humans are, I just learned that the reason humans (and other primates) developed color vision was literally to help us understand each other.

With better color visions we’re able to better pick up on the emotional, mental, and physical changes in our fellow humans.

Humans change colors all the time. Humans go red when we’re expressing certain emotions like fondness/embarrassment or anger. Our skin changes shades when there’s something physically wrong with us like when we’re sick, when we’re having an allergic reaction, or when we’re not getting enough oxygen, just to name a few examples.

And color vision allows us to be very in tune with these changes in each other. It helps us interact with each other in social situations and helps us take care of each other when our loved ones are ill.

Imagine a species of aliens learning this information and being so fascinated by how everything down to the little nitty gritty details of our biology evolved for the purpose of interacting with each other.

This alien species works with individuals of their own kind and other species for practical purposes mostly. Imagine how baffled and amazed they would be when they learn how important social interaction is for our overall health that we evolved so we’re hyper-specialized to understand our fellow humans’ emotional and physical states.

reminder my guys

if a disabled person doesnt go to their gym class, doesnt eat the food at lunch/eats something different at lunch, uses the elevator, has extra time on tests/assignments/etc and in general does things that a healthy student isnt allowed to do.

please remember that these are most likely accomodations that they NEED due to their illness. and that its not special treatment.

do not treat a nessessity as if it were privilege.

that bpd feel (?) when you hate ur mental illnesses and want them all to go away but at the same time you don’t want to get better and instead allow yourself to suffer ,, because guess what folks Public Suffering? = More Attention™

Imagine that you’re the daughter of the librarian in the palace and because of that are spending lots of time there. You are not allowed to wander off to anywhere else, so you usually just sit somewhere in the corner and read. That’s how you became acquainted with the younger Prince. But when you got older, you went to school and could no longer visit the library your mother worked in. After finishing school you go to college and after that, you finally return home. But to your horror, your mother has fallen ill. You look after her with great care, but after few days, she dies.

Now you’re in need of a job to pay the rent of the house you live in. And the palace needs a new librarian. They hire you immediately when you say who your mother was. After only two days of working there, the younger Prince Loki visits. You almost don’t recognise him. He asks, where the other librarian went and you say that your mother passed away. That’s when he recognises you and after offering his condolences, he smiles at you as his eyes wander over your body. You blush at the way he looks at you. The last time you saw each other, you were toddlers. 

You talk to make up for the lost time; you can see that there are some things bothering Loki that he tries to hide, so you do not push him. He visits the library every day and you chat for hours, and you start suspecting if Loki has taken a liking to you. But you push that thought down; just because you are attracted to him, doesn’t mean he feels the same for you.

One day, when you are helping Loki find a book somewhere back in the library, he proves you wrong by suddenly pushing you up against the shelves and kissing you. Since then you start courting, in secret. Sometimes he sneaks you into his chambers to have his way with you, other times you do it in the library.

During your courting, Loki admits to you that he’s a Jotun and is ready for whatever horrible reaction you might have. But when you hug him and tell him it’s okay and you still love him, he breaks down. Never has he ever felt so accepted like now in your arms. This makes your relationship even stronger. There are no secrets between you anymore.

Enchanted Glasses: Spell to See Through Lies/Deception

(Alternate spell at the bottom for contact lenses)
Because why shouldn’t your glasses have a little magic in them?

Items Needed:

  • Your Glasses
  • Cleaning Cloth
  • Fluorite - 2 pieces
  • Lavender Water

Step 1) Put on your glasses and look around you. Visualize all of the lies and impurities that you want to see through. Imagine them as energy, clinging to things and people, hanging in the air as words. Confirm that you want to see past these and see the truth in things.

Step 2) Take the glasses off. Using your cleaning cloth, clean the lenses. Imagine this cleansing the lies and deception from your vision. Think of your glasses as being able to magnify situations and see what is really going on. 

Step 3) Clean the frame of the glasses with lavender water to cleanse deception from your sight and promote positive energy. Say the following as many times as you want:

Let this glass allow my eyes to see through falsities, negativity, and lies.
Magnify the truth, cut through ill will.
I see honest reality in all before me.

Step 4) Overnight, leave one piece of fluorite on top of each lens. If you’re worried about scratching, you can put a thin cloth between the fluorite and the lenses. The fluorite promotes wisdom and knowledge!

Step 5) You’re done! In the morning, you can put on your glasses and the spell should work. This typically lasts a couple weeks depending on the amount of energy you put into the spell. I would recommend redoing it at least once every two weeks or once every month if you want to use this enchantment for a long time.

Contacts alternative:
Do the spell the exact same way, only with your contacts. Use a little bit of the lavender water to clean the outside of your lens case. I know this should be obvious, but don’t mix your solution with the lavender water, for god’s sake. 
When saying the incantation, replace “this glass” with “these lenses.” Place one piece of fluorite on top of each side of the lens case overnight (don’t put it inside with your lenses, again, for god’s sake).

@ people with disabilities that are still in school

you are smart

you are strong

you are just as good as any abled person

you are allowed to be stressed out

you are allowed to feel like everything is too much

you are allowed to take time away from school to focus on your health

your health should come first, never be ashamed of caring for yourself first.

dont be ashamed if you need accomodations for your illness

don’t feel like your burdensome on your teachers or classmates if you missed something due to medical absentses

dont ever feel ashamed for missing school due to your medical issues.

it is okay to feel like you cant do things, its okay to feel resentment towards your disease

dont apologize for breaking down, youre young, you shouldnt have to deal with these issues.

and most of all

you are strong, you can make it, there is so many things ahead of you and you can suceed, in alot of different ways.

i believe in you.

“Thus the American public was already familiar with practices disciplining the male body into hegemonic masculinities and it was also alerted to the perils of obesity that befell a culture with an increasingly sedentary life-style, when in 1863 the British undertaker William Banting published A Letter on Corpulence. The Letter is the first modern diet program written by a layperson. Originally slender, the pamphlet increased in size with every edition. It declared that weight was not hereditary but could be willed down, and prescribed a nutritional regimen that promised weight loss for anybody educated and determined enough to follow it. Banting promoted a low-carbohydrate, high-protein diet that limited starchy foods and sweets, but allowed for copious amounts of meats and liquor. In contrast to earlier regimens that had promoted restricted diets to alleviate certain symptoms, this text explicitly focused on weight loss as a goal in itself. The Letter defined obesity as illness, thus removing the responsibility for the affliction from the individual, while at the same time making obese people fully and solely responsible for their recovery. Banting tapped into a vein of growing popular interest in science coupled with Christian awakening. He called his “recovery” from obesity “miraculous,” and stylized himself an apostle, a witness to the scientific miracle within his own body, a transubstantiation of fat into thin air caused by sheer force of will. With thinness comes happiness, promised Banting, establishing a long-lived and unsubstantiated common wisdom.”

- Regime Change: Gender, Class, and the Invention of Dieting in Post-Bellum America

I don’t know about you guys, but—

This scene breaks my heart.

It’s one of the precious few moments where Ardyn drops his persona. (Yeah, he also stabs and slaps Lunafreya, but that’s beside the fact) Lunafreya says “When the prophecy is fulfilled, all in thrall to darkness shall know peace.” She is healing him while she says this, and he is also allowing it. 

I’ve been hiding under a rock for the past couple of weeks, so I don’t know if anything has been released about it or not, but did he kill Lunafreya because she was becoming overwhelmed by the daemons she was healing—which I thought was why she was ill? 

I still believe the concept that he killed her to make Noctis hate him even more, but there are multiple reasons why you might want to kill someone.

If anything, this is the first time we see him appearing hurt and sad, and there are very few moments when he’s not smirking. 

Political and Compassion Fatigue - Self-Care in Troubling Times

Managing stress and flare-ups is a regular challenge for any person experiencing fibromyalgia. In recent times, however, it’s hard not to get emotionally invested in our sociopolitical climate, and these heightened tensions can wreak havoc on our systems. A brilliant commentator put it so well: “Being woke shouldn’t mean your spirit’s broke”. Now is the time when demonstrating the principles of self-care is seriously important - when attending to your own function means you’ll be that much better equipped to offer yourself to your community.

  1. Take a rest from social media - or at least feel okay with disengaging for a while. You’re allowed. It becomes a psychological trap and that is like a tornado tearing through our well-being, with obvious repercussions on your chronic illness.
  2. The same goes to news outlets - the world will continue to spin without you constantly observing it. You will still be doing humanity great service by looking after yourself and taking time to recover. The toxicity of being exposed to those triggers over and over throws your immune system out of whack and promotes chronic stress, and we know what a clusterfuck of a state that is. Not only that, but compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma are legitimate, serious, damaging things.
  3. Recognise the signs of burnout, which include: Increasing apathy towards other areas of your life (a defense mechanism against anger), cynicism, deeper fatigue than normal, feeling overwhelmed, hypervigilance, depression, triggering reactivations of your own mental health issues, and a sense that nothing you do is making a difference. These are warning signs that you’re about to crash. Hard.
  4. Share your feelings with others - this is a safe way to vent so long as the motivation is to release, not burden or attack.
  5. Spend more time with people and things that ground and settle you. Be with your loved ones, get stuck into your crafts, sleep your precious sleep, nourish yourself - do whatever you need to do to start bringing yourself back down to your baseline.
  6. Remain aware of your own needs and put them #1 on the list. First off, no one else will, so you’ve got to be your own most passionate advocate before you can even consider being that for anyone else. Secondly, you’re going to be most effective and kind for yourself if you come from a place of balance. Make looking after yourself a routine, not just something you do after the damage has been done.
  7. Give yourself permission to say no. This is just a really good rule for managing your fibromyalgia all-round.
  8. Ask for help when you need it.