but if she does i am going to buy it

hello, it’s a beautiful monday and i’ve come here to share a series of headcanons about kara being the ultimate boob girl, you know how many regrets i have? zero, none. (@luthorbitch)

  • when kara and lena first start dating kara is not quite sure as to why she loves certain attires on lena, because well duh she always looks great with whatever she’s wearing but she has come to realize she really likes when lena wears tight dresses or low cut blouses. kara convinces herself the first few times she catches herself staring it’s because lena has really nice collarbones    all sharp and kissable but her eyes always end up at lena’s cleavage for some strange reason.
  • making out with lena is great, especially when she’s still wearing work clothes, sometimes her skirt rides up and kara can catch a glimpse of creamy skin, lena’s lipstick always ends up smeared over her mouth and jaw, her usually perfectly combed hair turns into a mess and most importantly, when lena presses closer to her, she can feel her boobs against her own chest and it’s… weirdly enjoyable. 
  • lena is not stupid, she notices just how flustered kara becomes whenever she’s wearing a particularly tight shirt or how whenever they kiss kara grabs her waist to pull her impossibly close to her, or how if they’re in the middle of an interview sometimes kara stares at her boobs. and she would be lying if she said she doesn’t find it thrilling, so she decides to tease, because why not? she makes it her mission to see just how long kara can take it before actually acting upon her desires. 
  • “come to game night! lucy just came back from chicago and she’s dying to meet you, i’ve told her a lot about you!” and lena knows she shouldn’t be a little shit but the opportunity is right there, so she shows up to kara’s apartment wearing skinny jeans, heels and a shirt that shows off her goodies. when kara opens the door and catches the outfit she squeezes the door knob so hard she breaks it. “wow, kara, are you alright?!” alex instantly stands up from her place on the couch and lena has to fight the smirk that threatens to give away her plan. 
  • lena spends the entire night making it hard for kara to control her impulses. she bends down way too much whenever she has to roll the dices to monopoly and unlike any other regular game night, this time she has decided to sit right across from kara so she can watch her every movement. kara squirms, every single time lena straightens her back and flashes a smile her way poor kara is red faced and struggling to breathe    lena loves it.
  • when finally everyone’s gone, kara basically launches herself at lena. she kisses her everywhere, her enthusiasm is overwhelming but still kara doesn’t touch her boobs and lena’s patience is running low, so while they’re kissing, lena grabs kara’s hands and guides them both to rest on top of her breasts. kara stops in her tracks, opens her eyes wide “are you, are you okay with that?” lena doesn’t answer she arches her back into kara’s warm fingers and that’s all kara needs, she kneads for an entire half hour before lena’s driver is at the door to take her home, lmao.
  • “my back hurts,” lena says a week or so after their heavy makeout. “i’ve had one hell of a day and i don’t know why i decided to use this awful bra, it doesn’t give me all the support i need,” kara, little b cup angel doesn’t have idea what lena’s talking about but because she’s an amazing girlfriend, she offers to give her a back massage, “that’ll help, right?” and of course lena is one of those girls that have an entire lush store in her closet, she comes back from her room wearing shorts and a tanktop and carrying tons of lotions so kara can pick one. kara has never in her life given a massage, she’s regretting the decission as soon as she starts reading the tags on the back of the bottles. she’s so fixated in finding the difference between vanilla/coconut and cocunut/strawberry that it’s not until lena clears her throat that she sees her standing there, hands in hips and without a shirt on. kara breaks the two bottles she’s holding when she sees lena’s bra is almost transparent. “kara, honey! those were my favorite!” 
  • they’re making out instead of watching the film kara picked on netflix, lena straddling kara’s lap and grinding against her softly, “god, it’s too hot in here” lena says with a single drop of sweat running down her temple and kara doesn’t know what comes over her when she tells her to take her shirt off, most certainly she also didn’t expect lena to actually do it. kara barely has the time to register the black bra with pink details because lena’s kissing her hard again. lena is a terrific kisser, she truly is but right now she can’t concentrate on how her tongue does wonders because she feeling lena’s boobs bouncing ever so lightly and it’s driving her insane, she wants to see that. so she breaks apart and lena’s a little confused, she quirks an eyebrow and is about to ask if something’s wrong, if they should maybe stop. but kara suddenly grabs her ass and forces her to grind harder and lena’s mouth opens in a silent scream. lena comes grinding against kara’s thigh and kara doesn’t think she’ll ever find something as beautiful as the sight of lena luthor’s boobs covered in lingerie bouncing.
  • she’s wrong. lena’s boobs without the bra are more beautiful. 
  • the first time they have sex kara spends solidly twenty minutes sucking on lena’s nipples. lena has to push her away because, “i am horny you need to fuck me right now or help me god,” and kara does… bless.
  • alex is going to kill everyone. the whole gang’s at the bar, a little bit drunk and a lot giggly when lucy asks “spill the truth everyone, james and i had a discussion yesterday on how asses are better than boobs, so we’re running a consensus. what do y’all prefer?” alex says asses, james and lucy agree with her, winn says thighs, lena says she refuses to live on such a binary and close minded system and then kara shrugs and says she doesn’t have a preference, just as they are about to move on lena scoffs and says “yeah, right” kara looks genuinely confused and lucy, of course being the horrible person she is, asks lena to elaborate. “kara is a boob girl.” everyone laughs but alex’s face matches kara’s offense. “i am not!” kara almost screams but lena, composed as usual takes a sip of her whisky and smirks, “you spent an hour and half kissing my boobs yesterday and when i asked you if you were in the mood you said you weren’t, you just liked burying your face in them.” kara wants to hide under the table, james and lucy high five lena, alex is actually going to kill someone because, christ, that mental image won’t leave her head. 
  • “it’s a little weird,” kara says blushing and looking at the floor. she’s been texting lena the whole week about a thing she wants to try but just as she’s about to say what it is, she changes her mind and insists it’s nothing that important. lena is not letting her off the hook that easy. not today. “promise me you won’t laugh!” and lena kisses her cheek and promises. “i want to… well i don’t know how to say it, if it has an actual name or something… i want to try and, i don’t know, eat whipped cream… off your boobs? is that weird?” lena bites her lower lip… food in sex means mess and she’s not into messy stuff, but if kara is then she’ll give it a try “okay, but you have to promise me you’ll lick it up clean, i don’t want my tits sticky.”
  • so it turns out lena actually enjoys it. whipped cream, chocolate syrup, nutella, ice cream… she has to draw the line at tomato sauce though, “no kara, i am not a pizza” 
  • kara hates shopping, she doesn’t understand why people take so long in clothing stores, if she finds a pair of jeans that fit well then she’s buying four more because what’s the point on wasting more time and energy in things she won’t even use. however lena loves shopping. she spends hours looking at shoes, and bags, and dresses, and makeup and kara loves her, she does but she just wants to go home and watch cut throat kitchen because they’ve been standing in the middle of swarovski for two hours now only because lena doesn’t know if she wants that cute diamond ring with emerald details or gold. “i have to do one more stop, just one more and then i promise we’ll go home.” kara groans but follows her anyways. they get to victoria secret’s and lena just ponders around the shop, “love? do you want me in red or in blue?” kara almost trips with her own feet as she sees lena grabbing two similar lacy bras, “both?” kara answers sheepishly and the smile that lena flashes her way is enough to make her knees go weak. “i want both of these in 36D.” 
  • the next time someone asks her if she’s more of an ass girl or a boobs girl all she has to think about is lena on nothing but lingerie, boobs going up and down as she rides kara and the answer comes to mind easily, “you know… i love boobs. i just… i love them. they’re soft and cushiony and you can kiss them and bite them and leave hickeys on them, boobs are… wow!!!! boobs are great.” alex smacks her in the head.
Taehyung takes being mean to you too far. Part.3

[Part.1] [Part.2] [Part.3] [Part.4] [Part.5] [Part.6] [Part.7] [Part.8END]


Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Taehyung’s p.o.v

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know how I suddenly ended up walking my way here. But here I am, standing right in front of her front door. I knocked and I heard slow shuffling on the inside, I could’ve sworn she took five minutes just to get to the door. I hear the door unlock and the door handle turn. 

“Ya-” I cut myself off from telling her how she took so long to open the door. “You look like shit, what’s wrong with you?” She honestly looked as though she was about to pass out any second now. So I held her arm. 

“What are you doing here?” She slowly spoke out, obviously didn’t have the energy to fight back when I said that she looked like shit.

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more au ideas no one asked for
  • “you’re super short and i’m sorry but it’s really really cute whenever you try to reach that book on the top shelf here lemme help you- oh no don’t be embarrassed, your face is all red and you’re even more adorable now i am going to die” au
  • “i’m a biker and one day i was biking in your neighborhood while you just happened to be outside watering the plants and since you’re so goddamn cute i accidentally steered into a pole and now you’re giving me first aid (holy shit you’re even cuter up close)” au
    • “you’re biking through my neighborhood and you ran into a pole so now i’m really concerned and patching you up, oh my gosh you’re really hot even though you have a bloody nose” au
  • “i’m at a karaoke bar and i’m sober enough to realize that your voice singing my absolute favorite song is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever heard, and you caught me staring and winked at me oh shit” au
  • “you fell asleep on my shoulder on the plane ride and i would ask you to move but you look so comfy and adorable when you sleep. also you smell really good and the feeling of your breath on my skin is somewhat relaxing, maybe we can go out to lunch in this shitty airport when you wake up?” au
  • “you’re so perfect and i’m in love with you but i’ve never actually met you and you keep avoiding meeting up, so i called nev and max to help me figure out whether or not you’re catfishing me” au
    • “whoa it turns out you were actually just super shy and you’re even cuter in person pls kiss me in front of all these cameras” au to followup with that
  • “i’m a quiktrip worker and whenever I work a night shift, you always arrive and buy like 3 cans of redbull and you look exhausted, do you need some help? are you okay?” au
  • “you invited me to your brother’s/sister’s wedding as a plus one bc we’re hella best friends but we end up making out at the afterparty and now everyone thinks we’re fucking so uh,, u wanna go out for a drink sometime? try this whole couple thing out?” au
  • “my sister tried to set me up with her friend but little does she know that i am hella gay and i end up falling in love with her smoking hot brother, and whenever i hang at her place we always tell my sister that it’s for a date when really she’s now just trying to set me up with her brother” au
    • (this can be tweaked in any way to fit your otp :p)
  • “i’m one of those talk show stars that walks up to random people on the streets and asks them really obscure questions, and you’re really cute and camera shy and i’m sorry but it’s adorable how you stutter when you’re nervous, uh, perhaps when there aren’t so many cameras surrounding me i can buy you a drink?” au
    • “you just came up to me on the street and asked where the weirdest place i had sex was and i’m assuming it’s for one of those talk show things, but i’m really nervous because you’re really really hot in that suit holy shit” au
  • “will you stop flirting with me you just got seriously injured and i’m the EMT trying to tend to your wounds in the ambulance, i don’t give a fuck that i look cute when i’m concerned, you’re lucky you’re not dead you dipshit” au
  • “my mom/sister/dad/brother/best friend doesn’t know we’re dating but one day he/she/they walked in on us making out and started cheering oh my god this is so embarrassing i’m so sorry” au
  • “you have fire powers and i have ice powers and one day you save my ass and even though we’re supposed to be rivals, you’re actually really really cute and warm can i just stay in your arms forever bc i am perpetually cold” au
    • “you have ice powers and i have fire powers and i save your sorry ass from getting hurt/killed, okay i know we’re supposed to be rivals according to every legend ever but you’re adorable and wow you’re really cold, would you like me to warm you up?” au
  • “i’m so sorry i’ve been stowing away on your ship but i’m lonely and tired and starving with nowhere to go so please take pity on my poor soul bc you’re the sweetest pirate i have ever met and since we’re in the middle of the ocean now there’s no way you’re taking me back to land anytime soon” au
    • “i would be furious at you for stowing away on my ship if it weren’t for the fact that you look really sick and sad can i help you” au
  • “dude why did that siren take on my image to try and seduce you, is there something you wanna tell me” au
  • “I’m an elf with really bad aim so while hunting i accidentally shot you in the shoulder with an arrow i’m so sorry can i make it up to you in any way? oh shit you’re a wizard, please don’t turn me into a frog i’ll do anything you want me to” au
  • “we’re coworkers and all the other employees ship us so just for fun we all go out clubbing/to a bar but little do we know its actually a plot they set up to get us to realize our supposed love for each other. wait you’re actually a really good dancer and your laugh is so endearing and, holy shit, maybe our colleagues were right” au
  • “i catch you at the bus terminal shivering your ass off because it’s 30 degrees and for some godforsaken reason you’re wearing a short sleeve t shirt, so out of pity i lend you my hoodie and you look so surprised it’s the cutest thing i’ve ever seen, setting aside the fact that you’re a goddamn idiot, do you want to get sick?” au
    • (cont.) “you look so sad and cold that i just tell you to keep my hoodie b/c you obviously need it more than i do. a week later i see you at a coffee shop/book store/etc. and you’re wearing my hoodie which you look so fucking tiny and cute in, and you just saw me and you look super embarrassed; you offer me it back but i tell you it suits you more and we end up talking and i buy you a drink” au
  • “we’re partners in cupcake wars and i never realized how cute you look with frosting on your face until now but no distractions, we have to fucking pummel these other teams because we are the best goddamn cupcake company in the universe WE CAN DO THIS” au
  • “i’m swimming laps in a lake alone at night and i thought no one else was here but i just swam right into you and uh?? you’re not wearing a shirt and you’re hot as hell pl ease take me right here” au
  • “i took you to my family’s lakehouse and we went jetskiing which you were so adorably excited about b/c you’ve never been, and when we drove around on the water at ungodly speeds u held onto me b/c there was nothing else to hold onto” au
  • “my friends dared me to buy 20 condoms but i didn’t realize that the cute cashier would be working tonight so i avoided eye contact as i piled them onto the counter and please stop laughing so hard, oh my god it’s for a dare okay i’ve never had sex in my life and once you stopped laughing, i swear i fell in love with that sparkle in your eye as you grinned wildly at me and asked me out for a drink” au
  • “i accidentally called the wrong skype number and it turns out the person i called was you and you’re in a different time zone, so it’s 3am where you are and you just woke up and look fucking pissed but you’re cute so… let’s do this again when you’re not asleep. i’m more than willing to stay up into the dead of night to talk to you” au
  • “i’m a radio host who indirectly mentions you and flirts with you on my show but you’re so goddamn clueless, please just notice me i’m so desperate for you it’s kind of sad (see: welcome to night vale)” au

Understandably, a lot of people are upset about the price of merch - myself included. As an international fan, it particularly sucks because we have to pay so much postage.

But as others have pointed out, we don’t all have the privilege to spend that much on merch AND concert tickets. And to be honest, I can afford it, but I just don’t want to spend that much money on merch + shipping when I would rather spend that money on something for my children. (I know we don’t all have kids, just using that as an example - other people have bills + rent etc).

I did splash out and buy a Rep shirt, which cost me $85 dollars, including postage and even though I love my shirt, I feel guilty every time I wear it because really, it’s a t shirt! And it cost me close to $100!

I know I’m not getting lurked or going to get picked to meet Taylor, and it’s because I don’t post photos or videos of myself and don’t stand out as a “real fan” but I am just as much of a fan as anyone else, and we all deserve to be able to afford/feel comfortable buying merch, and we all deserve to enjoy seeing Taylor in concert without spending up to $500.

Taylor has proven time and time again that she is an angel who adores her fans, and constantly does nice and beautiful things for us - but if I have to spend nearly $500 at the chance of meeting her at a concert, I would honestly rather put that kind of money towards my mortgage, bills + food for my family.

To those where money is no object - that’s ok.

To those who live pay check to pay check and can’t afford merch or tickets - that’s ok.

To those who don’t have a job and don’t want to ask for money - that’s ok.

All of 👆🏻 doesn’t make you any more or less of a fan.

Rant. Over.

Entanglement: Part 2

Entanglement: Part 2 

Paring: Namjoon x Jin x you

Word Count: 8.6k

genre/warning: smut, dirty talk, double penetration, dom!Jin, dom!Namjoon

Parts: one 

Originally posted by theseoks

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the signs as things i heard at school today
  • aries: (you look like an elf on the shelf) you look like a bitch that's about to be dead
  • taurus: i'm gonna be late to class, please make sure no one jumps out the window. (what if i jump out the window?) fine, you can, but make sure no one else does.
  • gemini: he's probably going to become homeless from buying too many video games. and she's gonna die alone with her crystals
  • cancer: DUDE WE TALKED ABOUT WHY YOU CAN'T SAY FURRY
  • leo: I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING CALLED ANGRY. I JUST HAVE EMOTIONS. IM VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT SHIT. I WILL FIGHT A BITCH.
  • virgo: YOU'RE AN EGG. YOU'RE A FUCKING EGG AND YOUR FOREHEAD IS HUGE. YOU LOOK LIKE A TOMATO.
  • libra: let's vote her most likely to be a furry on broadway
  • scorpio: she only looks at sonic and my little pony porn on tumblr and i'm so tired of walking in on her scrolling through it
  • sagittarius: look i only smashed this raw egg against the desk to see if it was hard-boiled
  • capricorn: (completely out of the blue) i miss smoking
  • aquarius: *throwing lifesavers across the room* give me the fucking pizza
  • pisces: (how's ninth grade going?) well, i love my teachers and— (no, the NINTH GRADE PAGE FOR THE YEARBOOK) oh i forgot we're in yearbook right now
Big Bang Reaction || Getting An Erection In Front Of Their Best Friend They’re Crushing On
Similar Reactions:

| BTS | Block B | Monsta X | SHINee | - Coming Soon

G-Dragon

/ She didn’t notice, did she? /
*You look at him and look away laughing to yourself. You were so going to tease him later*
*Awkwardly looks away too*

/ Of course she noticed. /


T.O.P

*Done with himself. Done with his body. Done with life*
/ It’s not the circumstances in which this should happen… /


Taeyang

*Grabs whatever and plays with it at crotch level. Very well thought out if not the fact that it looks kinda funny and awkward*


Daesung

*Very uncomfortable. Moves way too much, does everything so you don’t notice the bulge*
Y/N: “Are you ok?”
“Of course I am!”
*But he’s dying inside*


Seungri

“You… Wait here, I must use the toilet. I’ll go buy a hotdog on the way so stay where you are, it’ll take me some time”


[ MORE BIG BANG REACTIONS ]

— windy days.

Genre: Angst + Minor Smut ➝ Sword Art Online AU

Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader.

Plot: Windy Days: an interactive game for the one’s who are brave enough to challenge it.tackle the 300 levels, select your difficulties, beat the game. Will you survive?

Warnings: Suggestive sexual content, threesomes, could have ended up as a full on gang-bang but I decided to against it, sexual language and character death.

Notes: Take a shot every time I include a meme in a sentence. Any mistakes will be fixed later!


“You’re seriously going to play this game?”

Jungkook leant over the back of Jimin’s chair, staring with curiosity at the neatly packaged video game sitting on Jimin’s desk. Opposed to Jungkook’s crazed stare and the panic in his eyes, Jimin couldn’t help but let out an excited yelp as his eager hands peeled away the packaging, his eyes soaking up the colours of the front of the box.

“You know people have died from this game, right? Already.” Jungkook reminded, trudging away to sit on the elder boy’s bed, letting his back lean against the plain wall. “And you want to willingly go inside of it?”

“Come on, Kook,” Jimin sighed, holding up the package. He couldn’t quite believe that it was in his hands, at last. “I’ve been saving up for this game since it was rumoured. And now, only a day after the release, I am ready to play. Isn’t that cool?”

No! Did you ignore the part about people dying?” Jungkook hissed. “What does your Mom think about this?”

Jimin shrugged, “She didn’t buy it. So, she can’t do anything about it.”

“What did our school say about this?” Jungkook inquired, and Jimin laughed loudly.

“Do you not know how many kids have brought this game, and are living the life inside of it right now?” Jimin reasoned, and Jungkook could only sigh with agreement. “I’d be surprised if more than half of the school returns next week.”

“Make sure you’re one of them,” Jungkook begged finally, playing with the threads in the blanket placed over the foot of the bed, which he had suddenly occupied his time with. “Mark keeps trying to call me, he’s so weird.”

Jimin wasn’t really listening, but nodded anyway and continued to stare excitedly down at the game.

He bloody well hoped so.

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4x01 Recap - Echoes (The 100)

Alright folks, it’s time. My show has returned, and I am throwing myself back on this ride with wild abandon.

I’m adopting my Discussapalooza style from here on out. Which is to say that this recap is going to be very long. If there are any sections that you’d like me to pull out and post seperately, let me know. Otherwise, you have been warned - I like to go in depth.

We ready? LET’S GO.

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anonymous asked:

Hello love! Can you do an h/c with the rfa + v & saeran where the reader is a huuuge nerd? Like doctor who and comic books and many more. And she's a fangirling of them too? Thank you! Love you!!

Sure! 

YOOSUNG:

  • he’s quite a nerd too let’s be honest 
  • so he usually share some comics with you
  • lots of talks about what super hero is better 
  • always asking you “dc or marvel?” like every time a new movie of one of them comes this question is there 
  • of course you too spend hours in silence reading comics and theories about them 
  • “I really hope you don’t like them more than me” 
  • but you always say you do because being a fangirl is life 


ZEN

  • He doesn’t get it at all 
  • of course he has seen some movies 
  • but you are on a whole new level to him 
  • “you want to go to a convention?” 
  • well he goes with you but you are the one running from side to side 
  • watching EVERYTHING and buying a lot of things
  • “babe you need this much time to see this things?” 
  • of course he is tired 
  • but you WANT to meet the actor of your favorite movie 
  • also he’s pretty hot so there is a huge line to wait 
  • and Zen is there to bring food and water 
  • “OMG OMG I HAVE A PICTURE WITH HIM!!” you scream
  • and now he is so jealous 
  • “He’s not that handsome” 
  • but he knows the actor is 
  • “I am way better” 
  • now he’s trying hard to get in the casting for any hero movie 


JAEHEE

  • super supportive 
  • she knows what is to be a fangirl (zen) 
  • and every chance she gets to give you something from the comics she does 
  • like she made Jumin buy and special figure limited edition in one of his trips just for you 
  • “MC what did you say is called that comic you like that much?” 
  • “Maybe we can go to the premier of the movie? You went to see Zen with me so I want to do this for you” 
  • kind of gets into it a little bit too 
  • “Can you let me borrow that book? it looks interesting” 
  • of course not as much a fan as you but now she gets what are you talking about half of the time (bc the other half is for eating and sleeping) 


JUMIN 

  • “Manga?” 
  • he doesn’t know where animes come from 
  • you have to explain him that they made books before the animation 
  • “like when a movie is taken from a book” 
  • and he sees how much of them you got 
  • “what is your favorite?”
  • he doesn’t know what are you talking about and forget half of the names of the characters but loves it 
  • just loves how much happier you get when he ask about them 
  • and how excited you are while talking about the plot 
  • TONS of gifts
  • “I got this books for you” 
  • literally more than 50 
  • you will always have something to read 
  • he even bought a costume of your favorite 
  • and Elizabeth have a collar similar to one in the manga you read


SAEYOUNG 

  • he does likes comics and manga and video games and EVERYTHING 
  • so he’s always trying to make you try new things 
  • “you watched enough anime, go read some comics” 
  • and then games and back to comics 
  • “come on, you can’t like this one that much is not that good” 
  • but he notices how much you like that specific character he cosplay as it 
  • just for you 
  • so you woke up from a nap and he’s there dressed just like your fav and WOW 
  • you ask him to dress like that EVERYTIME 
  • sometimes he does 


V

  • he’s amazed on how much you know about comics
  • “so does all heroes come from different dimensions?” 
  • is a little hard for him to get all the information 
  • but always ask a couple times to get it right
  • tries his best to have a conversation with you 
  • so does reads a little bit too 
  • mostly what you like 
  • “Now I know what you were talking about last week” 
  • gets you an autographed copy of your favorite comic on your bday 


SAERAN 

  • notices how much you like this series 
  • and in has books too 
  • doesn’t say nothing and just watch you 
  • but deep inside him he’s the same 
  • so doesn’t really blame you 
  • he has is own favorite show and movies so just stares at you talking about yours for hours 
  • keep his secret so you don’t make him talk about it 
  • but loves to see that he’s not the only one who’s obsessed 
A Wild Night in Vegas -- Part 12

Two chapters in two weeks! @outlandishchridhe and I are rather proud of ourselves, honestly. And, because this chapter is INCREDIBLY long (13 pages on our Google doc [a new record!]) I’m putting it after a break. If it won’t load for you, you can read the full chapter over on my AO3 account HERE

I have to dedicate this chapter to my wonderful mum @thatwetwomaybeoneagain who kindly requested we put in a bit of canon dialogue. So we did, and I hope you enjoy it mum!


Fraser Bairn Watch: Month 6

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So you know those little plastic bags that go over the stems when you get bouquets? Well, apparently we didn’t have any.

So this older woman walks up with 3 sunflower bunches and she says that we should give her a bag for free since we’re out of the bouquet bags.

I looked at her in vague confusion and I was like, “you mean like a plastic bag?”

She said, “yes, but don’t you charge a nickel for them? You should give me one for free.”

“No, not here.” I replied and just handed her one.

Even though we don’t charge for our plastic bags where I live, I was kind of annoyed at her sense of entitlement… as I understand it most places banned them by law, not just to fuck with you so why would you think that you could just demand one from me because we were out of a specific one…? It’s not my fault and I don’t control that and I don’t have to give you shit.

Anyways, I remain pleasant and she starts telling me that every place she’s looked hasn’t had sunflowers so I’m like, “well I’m glad we had them for you!”

Then she moves on to tell me something about how she’s wanted to paint a blue vase for a while now and she finally has time tomorrow and it’s going to be gloomy anyways so she thought she’d finally get around to doing it, especially since she found her sunflowers.

So me, of course, cheerliy tells her, “oh that’s perfect! That’ll be nice and relaxing for sure!” :)

What does she do but scoff and say “it’s not relaxing when you’re a perfectionist like I am.”

I just said “….okay well, have a nice day.” And moved onto the next transaction.

For buying sunflowers she wasn’t a very sunny person.

Southern Girl - Ch. 13 {Roman Reigns x OFC}


Author’s Note:
W R E S T L E M A N I A

So… this chapter is incredibly long because there was so much that I wanted to fit in. The actual Hall of Fame and Wrestlemania parts are short because I needed to focus on what happens at the beginning of the chapter. Don’t worry. The Mania after party and aftermath is in the next chapter. It’s also photo heavy.

I LIVE for comments! xoxox

Warnings: Definitely smut. Daddy kink.

Word Count: 6,646 words

Chapter 12


Chapter 13: Mania Moment

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anonymous asked:

Okay so I also watched the Bronze, but is it just me or is his character super hot??? Like when he says "my girl(s)"!!! I want to be one of his girls lmao

AHHHH SO YOU JUST STRUCK MY INSPIRATION NERVE!!! LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD, SHALL WE? WE SHALL!

Originally posted by vintagefangirll

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the-opal-mermaid  asked:

1) public, 2) Please write a story about the queen eating her way through a line of royals. Please.

WELL! OKAY!! YOU ASKED!!!

white queen, red heart

a prequel to snow white, blood red

[cw: blood and murder!!!! murder murder murder!!!!!]

the hut where grimhilde is born has only one window. she has no father. she has the woods.  she knows this because her mother tells her, over and over: i cut my palm so deeply that it can no longer curl into a fist. the blood was hot. it melted the snow, and was swallowed by the dirt. the woods accepted. the woods gave me you.

when she is born, the first sound she makes is the same sound all babies make: she cries. but grimhilde is not the same. grimhilde does not stop crying.

grimhilde’s mother holds the baby close. she rocks her, arms shaking. this is the price, she thinks, of wanting: the woods give you a child and you must watch her die. you must listen to her crying until the crying makes you want to kill her yourself.

she rocks. she sings. she presses kisses along the baby’s head. the crying never stops.

she does not know why she cannot fill the girl’s aching stomach, why the touch of sunlight blisters her skin. she does not know why until she opens her finger while slicing an apple and grimhilde surges forward, eyes rolled back so far that they are nothing but white.

red on white on black. grimhilde’s  mother watches the child come away with blood on her mouth, appeased, and understands.

she flexes her fingers, but cannot make a fist.


when the baby is six weeks old, grimhilde’s mother brings her to a witch. she has no money, but she has her hands, and she is strong. someone has to tend the witch’s garden.

“what have you done, you stupid girl?” the witch asks as soon as they walk through the door. the witch does not look how witches are said to look: no hooked nose, no fingernails so long they wind into hypnotizing spirals. but there is a bitter curl to her lips.

“i don’t know,” grimhilde’s mother answers over the constant wail of her too-pale daughter. “i cut my hand. i asked.”

witches do not know sorrow, but they can feel pity. this witch is old. she has seen a hundred stupid girls who opened their veins and poured their desire out. she has watched them get what they want and she has watched the blood come back for them.

this witch opened her own veins, once. the blood will come back for her, too.

“can you fix her?” grimhilde’s mother asks.

“she is not broken,” the witch answers. “she is old magic, and old magic is blood magic and cannot be unmade. promises made in blood must be paid in it.” the witch reaches out a hand and touches grimhilde’s head. she tips a vial of red liquid into her small mouth.

“come back when she starts crying again,” the witch says. “and make sure the apples are sweet.”

grimhilde stops crying.


grimhilde’s mother plants asphodel and nettle and nightshade in the witch’s garden. the apples grow round and juicy. grimhilde plays on the grass, beside the winterblooms. when she is hungry, the witch comes out from her hut and offers her finger.

on long summer days the witch makes soft brown candy in a pot. she shows grimhilde how to make it, one step at a time. the candy is sweet. it makes the house smell sweet. sweet things come to sweet places, the witch tells grimhilde. remember that.

grimhilde grows quickly, her dark hair long. she looks nothing like her mother, who was raised to work. grimhilde is lithe and soft and floats. the sun seems to shimmer through her skin, but never browns it. when she smiles at the world, it smiles back.

this is what frightens grimhilde’s mother. it is not the way grimhilde tears into vole hearts and comes away bloody. it is not even the way she can feel grimhilde’s eyes, sometimes, tracking her pulse.

what frightens her is the way the townspeople fall to their knees before her, mouths curled up in delight. she is a peasant woman, and grimhilde is her peasant daughter. there is no reason why the butcher should give them free cuts of lamb.

grimhilde’s mother gives her two drops of the witch’s blood every morning and wonders: whose desire for life cut my hand? mine or hers?


when grimhilde turns nine, the witch begins to die. grimhilde’s mother didn’t know a witch could die, but then, grimhilde’s mother doesn’t know a lot about witches. it is a slow process, so slow that at first neither grimhilde nor her mother notices. but as the witch dies, so does the garden: one at a time, first the asphodel then the nettle then the nightshade.

the apples stay fresh. grimhilde’s mother slices them into pieces and feed them to the witch as grimhilde sucks blood from her fingertips.

“what is wrong with you?” grimhilde’s mother asks. “what medicine do you need?”

the witch shakes her head. she holds up her hand and cannot make a fist. “i asked, too,” she says. “nothing is free. promises must be kept.” she cuts a long line into her arm and let’s the red river run into an urn. she and grimhilde’s mother watch the blood fill it up while grimhilde’s nostrils flare. “this will keep her alive. but it won’t last forever.”

grimhilde’s mother loves her. grimhilde’s mother loves almost nothing else.

“what do i do when it runs out?” she asks, but of course, she already knows.


grimhilde’s midnight hair is so long it pools in the space between her knees. witch blood has made her strong. the sun no longer burns her. she plays in pools of it outside in the garden, where the dead nettles stick to her skin.

“bargain-child,” the witch says, voice weak, “are you hungry?”

grimhilde laughs. it sounds like music coming through a window, far away and beckoning. “mother-witch,” she answers, “i am always hungry.”

the witch closes her eyes. she nods. “then when the urn is full, eat.”


grimhilde grows. the witch’s blood keeps her alive, but it is not what she wants. grimhilde does not want to survive. she wants to eat. she wants to chase down the iron in her mouth all the way to its source. she wants to taste it before it has gone stale. she wants to touch it while it’s still hot.

“come on,” grimhilde’s mother tells her, lashing an ax to her back. “you have to eat.”

“i’m not hungry,” grimhilde says. she is small, still small enough to be settled on her mother’s hip while they walk. she presses her thumb to her mother’s pulse and counts her heartbeats as high as she knows how.

“you’re always hungry,” her mother reminds her, and touches the top of her head.

“i don’t want more voles,” grimhilde mutters.

“well, what do you want?”

sometimes the hunger hurts so badly that grimhilde can feel something small and primitive clawing against her ribs, asking to be let out. the primitive thing knows how to eat. it knows how to feel full, and because it knows grimhilde knows too. when she dreams, she dreams of the witch’s heart in her hand, still fluttering. she had felt the witch when she ate it. she feels the witch still.

she can hear her mother’s heartbeat in the kitchen, can smell her sweat when she has been working in the garden. vole hearts are small, compared to a human’s. she can eat them in one bite.

she is hungry. she loves her mother. both things are true in equal measure.

“voles are fine,” she says.


the urn empties.

it takes time. they ration. two spoonfuls in the morning, and half a spoonful at night, to prevent her aching stomach from keeping her awake. the blood keeps the ache at bay but does nothing to quench her need for the taste of iron at its source, tangy and rust-red.

“am i going to die?” grimhilde asks as they get to the last spoonfuls.

her mother’s eyes are hard. she takes grimhilde’s face between her hands. “i asked the woods, and they gave you to me,” she says. “the woods will provide.”

the woods do. they send a boy. he is lost. the path had disappeared between his feet. when he found it again, it led him here, to the edge of the wood. to a small hut shaped like the candy his friends buy in the market. he knocks on the door, dirt smudged along his cheek. grimhilde’s mother is in the woods hunting voles, so grimhilde lets him in to wait. he sits on her bed and taps his toes.

the boy is taller than grimhilde. older, maybe, but not much.

the urn is empty. grimhilde can feel the primitive thing that hollows out her bones and blows dust through them. grimhilde knows how to feel full. grimhilde knows that she will never again be given permission: if she wants to eat, she will have to take without asking.

“whose are you?” she asks, and the boy shrugs when he says, “no one’s. whoever they were, they’re dead. i don’t remember them.”

who will miss a boy who doesn’t belong to anybody? grimhilde is her mother’s. her mother asked the woods and the woods gave her grimhilde. grimhilde would be missed.

the boy’s eyes catch on the curve of her mouth when she smiles. he smiles back. he smiles like the butcher when he is giving them free meat. he smiles like the blacksmith who always fixes their shovels when they break. he smiles like the witch had smiled when she said, are you hungry? then eat. the primitive thing reaches out grimhilde’s hand and cups the boy’s cheek. “thank you,” she murmurs when he tips his head to expose the vein in his neck.

“you’re so little,” he tells her, dreamy. “what will make you happy?” and she is grateful to be able to give him the comfort of her joy when she pulls him close and eats.


“i brought you a boar,” grimhilde’s mother says, her voice hopeful. grimhilde wipes the last vestiges of the boy’s blood from her mouth with her sleeve. she feels–not full. but better. better than she has in a long, long time.

grimhilde kisses her mother’s cheek. she eats the boar’s heart and says it tastes delicious. she burns the boy’s clothes in the oven while her mother sleeps.


after the boy, she sticks to what her mother brings her. she sees the way her mother looks at her sometimes, afraid. not of grimhilde but for grimhilde. the witch blood is gone, and grimhilde’s bones begin to hollow.

“i’ll find another witch,” grimhilde’s mother promises, when the boy’s heart is gone and grimhilde begins to wince if the sunlight touches her. “the world is full of witches.”

what other witch would give her heart to me? grimhilde wonders. her mother’s hands are rough from work. they are tired. her mother is tired. her mother works all day and then hunts down boar hearts for grimhilde to eat, and they taste like nothing and she is always still hungry.

she waits as long as she can. she waits until the sun is so hot that she takes care not to step into the pool of sunlight from the hut’s only window. she waits until she cannot sleep, until she can almost taste the one-two-one rhythm of her mother’s pulse. she waits until the primitive thing inside her ribs curls its fingers around her bones and whispers eat.


her mother goes into the town and grimhilde goes into the woods. she brings the soft brown candy that the witch taught her to make, sweet. the caramel is hard until you place it beneath your tongue. then it becomes soft and gummy. but the sweetness stays.

the woods are vast, and its thorns are sharp, but grimhilde is beloved of the woods and she does not bleed. on the far side of the woods is a village, and behind the village is a town, and behind the town is a castle. the boy had not filled her up like the witch’s heart, but he had been enough to keep the primitive thing from taking a hold of her wrists. to keep her bones from feeling hollow. to keep the sun from burning her skin.

grimhilde is still small, her face still round. when she smiles at the world, it smiles back. the world curls its arms around grimhilde to shield her. the world knows that grimhilde is precious. that she must protected. that she must be obeyed.

she does not have much time. not nearly enough to venture into the village or the town behind or the castle behind. she has only enough time to lay some of the candy at the mouth of the trees, and then a trail of it into the heart of the woods, a heart so deep there is no getting out unless you are beloved by the woods and they let you.

grimhilde goes back home and waits for her mother, who sings while she works in the garden. grimhilde closes her eyes to listen.

at night, when the window is shut, grimhilde climbs out of bed and runs to the woods. she can ear the soft cries of what the woods have brought her: a girl, seated in a neat circle of mushrooms. she has sticky hands and a sticky mouth, sweet from candy.

sweet things come to sweet places.  

“whose are you?” grimhilde asks, and the girl says, “no one’s.”

grimhilde smiles. the girl smiles back. she climbs into grimhilde’s lap and offers up her wrist, at peace. “no more tears,” grimhilde tells her, and the girl nods, salt drying on her cheeks.

“whatever makes you happy,” the girl murmurs, and grimhilde kisses her forehead.

happiness is a full stomach. grimhilde eats.


grimhilde is not careful to avoid the pool of sunlight on the floor, which is how her mother knows. grimhilde can tell by the way her mother gardens, dirt under her nails, planting. making something come alive.

you made me like this, grimhilde thinks. you opened the palm of your hand. i did not open it for you.

her mother does not ask why grimhilde makes the candy, huge batches of it that make the house smell sweet. a silence falls on the little hut on the edge of the woods. her mother stops bringing boar home. at night, she runs her hands through grimhilde’s black hair and whispers, over and over, the woods gave you to me.

grimhilde has never smiled at her mother the way she smiles at lost children, the way she smiles at the baker and the butcher and the blacksmith. she has never wanted her mother to smile back.

but in the dark her mother whispers the woods gave you to me and grimhilde can hear the sorrow in the words. she can hear the way her mother does not say sometimes i wish they hadn’t.


when grimhilde is fifteen, her mother becomes sick. the whole town becomes sick. no one knows why the crops have died, only that between one sunset and one sunrise, the tips of all the fields turned black and ashen. only grimhilde, who does not eat or drink, stays healthy. she stops making candy and makes soup instead, dripping it into her mother’s mouth with the same spoon her mother used to give her the witch’s blood.

“i am yours,” grimhilde murmurs, her mother shaking and sweating in her lap.

her mother shakes her head. she holds tight to grimhilde’s hand. “the woods gave you to me,” she agrees. night falls and the sun rises and night falls again. her mother sweats. her mother stops eating the soup.

“promises made in blood must be paid in it,” her mother says at last. she meets grimhilde’s eyes. “the witch knew. she understood.”

“i can make the pain stop,” grimhilde tells her, though the words stick in her mouth and taste like rust.

her mother nods. she closes her eyes. “do you make it stop when you give them candy?” she asks. “the children in the woods?”

grimhilde kisses her mother’s forehead. she meets her eyes and smiles. “there are no children in the woods,” she says. “i was born the way any child is born. i eat the way any child eats. you are my mother. i am yours. do you believe me?”

her mother’s eyes are glassy. she smiles. the pain is gone. “yes,” she says. “i want to make you happy.”

grimhilde does not cry. she strokes her thumb along the vein in her mother’s neck and counts the familiar heartbeat. grimhilde is beloved of the woods, grimhilde’s mother is beloved of grimhilde. but this was the bargain, and to be beloved is to be beholden. “i am happy,” grimhilde promises. “happiness is a full stomach.”

grimhilde’s mother sighs. she does not open her eyes, not even when grimhilde takes the heart that has always been hers, anyway, and eats it. it tastes of iron and of dirt. grimhilde holds her hand out to the sunlight and does not burn.


click for part two

Sunday Shenanigans

Thanks to @left-cheek-sneak who gave me this prompt: Going to a farmers market or something similar, finding something strange. (to the two anons who also left prompts: THANK YOU! I’ll try to get to them, too, at some point)

“Mulder, why are we at a flea market?” Scully stands there like a reluctant child; she’s wearing casual clothes, or at least clothes she herself considers causal. Mulder looked her up and down when he picked her up, smiling knowingly and receiving a raised eyebrow in return. He himself is wearing plain jeans and a rumpled t-shirt. Maybe that eyebrow had been for his poor choice of attire. She crosses her arm in front of her chest now; casual is gone and replaced by professional. No matter what she’s wearing.

“The other day you asked me if I ever did anything just for fun.” Mulder shrugs.

“You go to flea markets for fun.”

“Would you rather we go to a farmer’s market?” She stares at him and eventually shakes her head no.

“See. This is fun. You can find the most amazing treasures here, Scully. Just you wait and see. So are you coming or not?”

“I should have asked you where we were going when you picked me up.” She says and it sounds like an endless sigh causing him to grin; Mulder thinks about taking her hand, but decides against it. At least for now. They fall into step easily and their shoulders bump once or twice as they make their way through the well-attended market. Of course Scully stops at every booth to admire second hand trash. Mulder fidgets next to her, or when he gets really impatient, behind her and looks over her shoulder (she hates that), to make her move on. He knows where he wants to go and what he wants to show her. Old vases and dishes are not interesting to him.

“Hm, Mulder this really was a great idea. We should do this every Sunday.” Scully muses when she finally tears herself away. Mulder considers taking her hand again, contemplating the implications of what she’s just said. When she starts moving away from him once again, he just grabs it without a second thought.

“Mulder?”

“Hm?” He doesn’t let go of her hand and she is more or less forced to follow him. She squeezes his hand and he slows his steps, looks at her.

“What was that just now?”

“What?”

“You taking my hand and dragging me away. I wanted to look at those paintings.”

“You already looked at paintings.” He is trying to get going again, but she’s not having it. She tugs at his hand with a surprisingly strong force (he’s not really surprised, though) and gives him a stern look.

“But those are different paintings. Why are you in such a hurry? I thought we were doing this for fun.”

“Yeah, we are,” Mulder grumbles and lets her lead him back to the booth with a wide variety of paintings. Even as she sorts through the pictures, some of them framed, she doesn’t let go of his hand. He wonders if she’s worried that he’s just going to wander off if she lets go or if she wants to hold his hand – in public, no less. Mulder is not going to question it, he decides, and tries to be as still as possible beside her. Boredom creeps up on him soon and he shuffles his feet when Scully gasps.  

“Mulder, look at this.” He does. It’s a painting of two people. He stares at it, looks closely at the people, at her, and back at the painting.

“What am I supposed to see?”

“Don’t these two people remind you of someone?”

“No. Should they?” Scully sighs, lets go of his hand, and points at the man in the painting.

“Look, Mulder. He looks just like you.”

“He does?” Mulder squints; is that really how Scully sees him?

“Yes. And this,” she points to the woman standing next to the man refuses to see as himself, “this looks like me.” Mulder squints – again – and tries to see what she’s seeing.

“I think I want to buy it.” She muses, tracing the painted faces.

“You could just put up a picture of us.” The words just tumble out of him as he tries to make sense of this painting and he blushes. Why would she put up a picture of them? So she can tell her dates that look, here’s a picture of me and my work partner? Yeah, right.

“There are no pictures of us, Mulder,” Scully tells him, snipping her fingers to attract the seller, “at least none that weren’t taken at a crime scene. How much is this painting?” She asks when the young man approaches them. Mulder doesn’t care for the guy’s grin and stands closer to Scully.

“How about $50?”

“What?” Mulder basically yells.

“Well, $35?”

“I’ll give you $20.” Scully tells him; her voice lets him, and Mulder, know that she is not accepting anything else. The young man swallows hard and nods.

“You know, you kind of look of my grandmother,” the young man say as Scully searches through her purse for the money; she shoots him a surprised look and his face takes on the color of a ripe tomato, “in the painting that uhm, those are my grandparents. They were painted by my great-aunt. You look like her,” he chances a look at Mulder and his eyes grow huge for a moment, “you both do.”

“Thank you.” There’s a smile in Scully’s voice as she hands over the money and motions for Mulder to carry the painting.

“I told you. They look like us.” She gently elbows him.

“I still don’t understand why you want a painting of us in your home.”

“So you admit it looks like us?” Scully stops Mulder to admire the painting again. If only she’d look at the real him the same way. Not that the man in the painting was him. Or looked like him.

“No, I don’t,” Mulder admits.

“Then why do you worry about it?” Scully cuts him off, tilting her head.

“I’m not worried, Scully, I just-”

“You just what?”

“This is not how I expected this to go. Should we just kiss to break the tension?” It’s a joke, obviously, but Scully startles and she lets go of the painting. Mulder, in an almost ninja-like move, catches it before it crashes to the ground.

“I saved us.” He tells her.

“You said it didn’t look like us.” Scully takes it from him again, her cheeks slightly flushed. He shouldn’t have mentioned kissing, he figures, but he can’t find it in himself to feel too bad about it. He thinks about kissing her way too often, after all, and they’re on duty; apparently his brain is on weekend modus, too.

“All right, it might look like us a little bit. Happy now?”

“Very.” She grins at him. “Let’s put it into the car. You can help me put it up.”

“But Scully,” Mulder whines, following her anyway, “We haven’t been to my favorite booth yet!”

“You can show me next week, Mulder.”

“Are you serious?” He asks, falling into step with her.

“Am I ever not serious?”


P.S. When I was in Iceland last year, I saw a painting in a shop that I swear looked like M&S. I guess it was partly inspired by that.

anonymous asked:

Hi Cate, I'm curious for your perspective on this question (and I don't want to inadvertently start something that will end up in an uproar, so I understand if you don't publish this ask): What is your feeling on people who have said that GA had the opportunity to purchase these pics and didn't (with the insinuation that she therefore approved their release)?

Hi anon. I actually don’t know who is making these claims (since I stay far away from the crazy around here) but this is on the same level of imagination and idiocy as the marketing theory. Remember how reliable that was? 

So let’s look at the scenario that is being suggested in a real way: freelance tabloid photographer takes photos of Gillian. Before selling them to a publication or wire service he/she goes to Gillian:

Photojournalist: “I have these photos of you. If you don’t buy them for XX, then I am going to sell them for publication.”

Does that sound….legal to you? Or does it sound like what it actually is: extortion? Which is actually…you know, a CRIME.

Let’s also look at what’s published on a regular basis. Let’s look at Gary Hart - who lost the presidency due to tabloid shots of him and his girlfriend - let’s look at the many photos that exposed Britney Spears and other celebs getting out of cars and so on. Do you honestly, rationally believe that these celebrities were given some kind of Right of First Refusal? How in the name of fuck does anyone think this is something that actually happens?? It’s so asinine, it makes my blood boil. And if this actually were a thing (which I assure you it isn’t), would you allow yourself to be extorted?

How about we look at the root of this and the people who are perpetuating this bullshit: THEY. WERE. WRONG. ABOUT. GILLOVNY. They have egg all over their faces and they are angry about it. They don’t have anyone else to blame for planting false stories and dividing the fandom. Now they are getting proof in spades that Gillian and Peter are together and happy, so guess who has to be the villain? Yup, Gillian. A 48-year-old woman in love for the first time in a long while. A woman who spent the better part of the year promoting the idea of embracing each other as women, rather than turning on one another. Who embraces her fandom and her charities with her time and fundraising. Who works hard to be a better person. And this is what she gets in return: to be completely fucked over by her “fans” and slandered after she has already been hideously violated by photographers. I have been in the fandom for a long time and I have never been more embarrassed in all my life at being remotely associated with a group of people who reblog and “like” this nonsense. It’s repulsive. 

Anyone putting out or buying into this messaging needs to check themselves. What content are you putting out into the world right now? What messages are you getting from certain blogs? One can sound kind and understanding but still be putting out PURE HATE. What are you promoting here? How would you feel if this happened to you?

Royven au

Based on a convo I had with @bloodyalphonse

So ok, you know that hawk riza au I’ve been doing stuff for where riza is just a hawk but no one realizes this? Well what about an au where Roy is actually just a Raven Berthold taught how to make fire. Like, not even fire alchemy, just straight up light a match.
And the thing is, he’s still just a bird, so he flies around like a maniac setting things on fire, including himself. After Berthold dies Riza is kinda forced to take care of his pet and to make sure he doesn’t kill anyone or himself on accident. She and like three other people are the only ones that realize he’s just a fucking bird and not a person.
The others being pinako, maes, and Olivier, who is still extremely confused and furious as to how a bird is her rival for furher. Seriously. He’s not even trying to become furher. He’s a bird.
Just picture it:
–He doesn’t even apply for the military. They just show up to riza’s door one day and are just like, “We want your bird.”
–Riza responds, “WHY?!?!?!?!”
–she ends up going with him because he’s still her bird and she doesn’t want people to kill him
–Maes steals the kishe from riza this time
–roy steals his glasses and hides them as a result because corvids hold nasty grudges
–still ends up liking hughes after enough treats
–He’s still made a state alchemist even though all he can do is light matches
–some how still becomes the hero of ishval despite accidentally setting himself on fire ten times while there
–”how the hell is my bird a higher rank than me”
–Still is sent with riza to go recruit the elric brothers
–When riza shows up and finds out what happened, she just wants to leave quietly and not report them.
– the Roy decides to fly around the room with “his” pocket watch, smack into something, and sit in Ed’s lap and caw at him for a few minutes before Riza can grab him and leave
–this somehow inspires ed to become a state alchemist and a year later he comes to take the test claiming that Roy told him to become one
–”HOW????” Is Riza’s response.
–pretty much everyone is able to understand what he’s saying except her it seems
–he rides around on Riza’s shoulder
–and black hayate
–keeps trying to bring her food when she’s sick
–Ravens can learn how to speak a little, so he learns how to say everyone’s names
–he calls ed pipsqueak
–Likes nuzzeling Riza
–Imagine sad Roy at Maes’ funeral just sitting on the head stone.
–He suddenly says “it’s raining” Riza never taught him to say that. He insists that it’s raining despite her saying otherwise.
–When framing maria ross Riza has to be very careful with roy
–”Roy this is very important” she tells him, holding his face to look directly at her, “You cannot set maria on fire. Only the dummy, got it?” “CAW” “*sobs* why did I think this was good idea”
–He ends up playing with the bracelet around the fake maria’s wrist at the crime scene
–Bird Roy managing to kill lust completely on accident
–also healing havoc completely on accident
–Riza is in complete denial that day even happened
–imagine the scene with bradley cornering Roy and separating him from his subordinates
–Roy isn’t listening to his back story at all, he’s flying around the room, playing with shiny objects, and trying to drink the fuhrer’s tea
–”Mustang you are being very childish about this” is all he has to say.
–Riza begs to stay by his side. Mostly because she is 100% certain he will burn down central completely on accident.
–Bradley gives him a new handler instead
–Roy does not like this handler and proceeds to steal one of his fingers
–Ed applauds him for this
–Ravens can learn how to pick locks and use tools
–he sometimes takes riza’s money and buys random things with it
–one time he bought a whole flower cart
–Riza: HOW MUCH MONEY WAS THIS
Roy: Caw! *starts placing each individual flower on her shoulder
Riza: *sighs in exasperation* what am I going to do with you
–The homunculi still plan to use him as one of their sacrifices
–Riza tries to explain to them multiple times that he’s a bird and can’t actually do alchemy
–they do not believe him and force him to open the gate anyway
–On his door is just a match stick
–when he comes out of the gate, he is blind like before, but now he can actually transmute and speak in full sentences
–This freaks riza out when he asks if she’s ok
–”The fuck did they do to my bird?!”
–Riza is pissed and kills father herself as a result
–no one fucks with her pets and gets away with it
–Roy somehow manages to become fuhrer one day
–Riza is not sure how this happened as she nor he never announced his candidacy, and she actively told people not to put him in office
–Olivier is ready to murder someone over this
–He he still some how has a fruitful reign as fuhrer, establishing peace between nations and helping to get the ishvalan people back to their now rebuilt home land
–Riza is still pretty sure this is all one big joke on her and everyone was in on it all along
–once, someone glued a fake mustache to his face
–he liked it. Alot. Riza, not so much.
–it was three weeks before it fell off on its own
–One day riza gets him a duckling to let him take care of
–he names it maes
–He takes good care of it, but freaks out when he tries to swim because baby ravens can’t swim
–Riza has to help him chill by petting him and such whenever he sees the little guy swimming around
–He tries to teach maes how to speak. that does not work.
–he successfully teaches him how to light things on fire though.
–At the ripe old age of 58, Royven passes away the way of Alex the parrot, his last words being “you be good. see you tomorrow. I love you.”
–Riza never gets another bird after that.
–Even though Olivier hated him, She respected Riza. After he’s gone she admits to her “he was good bird.”

And there you go. I made it sad. Hoped you liked this au!

EXO Reaction when you and your child wear matching clothes

I hope y’all like this! Ara~

/I don’t own any of the gifs used, unless stated otherwise/


Chanyeol:

*Jelly* “Hey! Don’t leave me behind! I have that jacket too! We are the awesome three Parks here!”

Kris:

*Trying to get some info* “Tell me little one, where did your mom buy those clothes? I want some too… wait, she made them? How am I going to match now?”

Sehun:

*Pouts* “Why do I feel like a third wheel here? They are my family….”

Tao:

“I want matching clothes too- wait no! I’m not going to wear a dress!”

Kai:

“Did you just buy the same clothes for Jongin Jr and you? This is why I’m in love with you, you two look so cute” *Proud dad*

Xiumin:

*He’s actually the one who does the matching clothes* “So today… they’ll wear something golden”

Baekhyun:

“Papa wants to eat you! You two are so cute… next time we three should dress the same” *Loves how cute his family is*

Luhan:

*Judging* “Why are they dressing the same… why can’t I be part of this… I’m the dad… I want to look cute-manly too!” *jelly*

Chen:

“I swear jagi.. it never gets boring with you. I bet our little girl loved looking as beautiful as her mom”

Kyungsoo:

*Always checks Instagram to see your new updates* “Woah boys look at this, they are dressing like Disney princesses today” *Fan number one*

Lay:

*Confused* “Baobei? When did you become a baby? You look exactly like our little girl… wait… did we have twins?”

Suho:

“Ughh I want to hold you both and squeeze you and never let you go because you look so cute with those clothes and ahh!” *Being the weird dad he is*

[Masterlist] [Guideline]

The Gang Buys A Boat
  • Kurt: We got to pop by the department store, pick up the mattress. I want to get a nice one too. You know?
  • Ram: The what? The mattress? What do we need a mattress for? Kurt: What do you mean what do we need a mattress for? Why do you think we just spent all that money on a boat? The whole purpose of buying the boat was to get the ladies nice and tipsy topside so we can take them to a nice comfortable place below deck and, you know, they can't refuse - because of the implication.
  • Ram:
  • Ram: Oh. Uh, okay. You had me going there for the first part. The second half kind of threw me...
  • Kurt: Well, dude, think about it. She's out in the middle of nowhere with some dude she barely knows. She looks around, and what does she see? Nothing but open ocean. "Ah, there's nowhere for me to run. What am I going to do, say no?"
  • Ram: Okay. That, that seems really dark.
  • Kurt: No, it's not dark. You're misunderstanding me, bro.
  • Ram: I think I am.
  • Kurt: Yeah, you are. Because if the girl said no, then the answer obviously is no. The thing is, she's not gonna say no.
  • She would never say no, because of the implication...
  • Ram: Now, you've said that word "implication" a couple of times. Wh-what implication?
  • Kurt: The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Now, not that things are gonna go wrong for her but she's thinking that they will.
  • Ram: But it sounds like she doesn't want to have sex with you.
  • Kurt: Why aren't you understanding this? She doesn't know whether she wants to have sex with me. That's not the issue.
  • Ram: Are you gonna hurt women?
  • Kurt: I'M NOT GOING TO HURT THESE WOMEN! Why would I ever hurt these women?
  • Ram: I don't know!
  • Kurt: I feel like you're not getting this.
  • Ram: I'm not getting it.
  • Kurt: Goddamn. Don't you look at me like that. You certainly wouldn't be in any danger.
  • Ram: So they are in danger?!
  • Kurt: No one's in any danger! How can I make that any more clear to you? Okay, it's an implication of danger. You know what? Just drop it. Let's drop it.
  • Ram: