but idk i'll get better as i go on

support ppl who’s mental illnesses may never go away or get better

support ppl for whom recovery may never be something they get to experience and have to learn to live with their illness/es

support ppl who’s hard times may never come to an end and who may not get thru it eventually

I hold six hospitalizations in my pocket like broken bones. pulling them out for stories later, screaming, ‘look how broken I am.’ screaming, ‘I am broken open and leaking, can’t you see can’t you see.’ screaming, 'I don’t want to be like this but I do, I do. this is all I have ever known, can’t you see can’t you see.’

another patient makes fun of me when she finds out how many times I’ve been here. calls me crazy. this isn’t her first time either but maybe she can see that this is all I’m ever going to be. drowning in this. willingly taking gulps of water in. screaming, 'don’t you dare pull me out.’ screaming, 'the water holds me better than air ever could.’ screaming, 'let me drown let me drown. can’t you see that the sea is ready to take me and I am willing to drown.’ screaming, 'even if I try to tread water, it always sucks me back under. it hurts less if I just let it, can’t you see can’t you see.’

you’ve been here before, everyone says. I’ve been here before, I reply. we all ignore the way I beg them to let me die in the nighttime. we all ignore the way I won’t remember it the next day. we all ignore the way I keep pretending to get better. we all ignore the way everyone keeps pretending that that’s something I can ever be.

You know, ‘that awkward moment when you have to ride an elevator while in a strange London in order to get to your boyfriend who’s currently fighting for his life and everybody is staring at your badassness.’  

Also, this might be a direct metaphor to me waiting for ACOL’s release, but who’s to say?

15 of 31

Chatting w/ the Avengers (2) - Peter x Reader
  • WARNING: LANGUAGE
  • Wade is online
  • Wade: I'M ABOUT TO KILL SOMEONE!!!!
  • Peter, Y/N and Pietro are online
  • Pietro: Why are you pissed?
  • Wade: SOMEONE STOLE MY MOST DANGEROUS WEAPON!
  • Peter: Your mouth?
  • Wade: Apart from my mouth
  • Y/N: Your face?
  • Wade: Apart from my face
  • Pietro: Your jokes?
  • Wade: MY FUCKING KATANAS!!
  • Wade: WHERE ARE MY KATANAS!!
  • Y/N: Idk
  • Peter: Same ^
  • Pietro: Ask Cap
  • Wade is offline
  • Y/N: I stole em :3
  • Pietro: He's gonna kill you
  • Peter: I'll protect you xxx
  • Y/N: Awww tyyyyyyy xx
  • Pietro: Wait are you dating?
  • Y/N: Maybe :]
  • Pietro is offline
  • Peter: That was weird...
  • Y/N: Ikr... Wanna come to my place? ;)
  • Peter: Of course ;)))
  • Clint is online
  • Clint: What Runner bean said better not be true DX
  • Pietro: Clint they're dating :3
  • Clint: I'm getting Steve!
  • Y/N: NOOO NOT STEVEE
  • Steve is online
  • Clint: Steve it's code red
  • Steve: NO. Not Code Red?!
  • Peter: What's going on?
  • Y/N: I hear footsteps coming towards my room
  • Peter: Y/N are you ok??
  • Y/N is offline
  • Peter: Y/N?
  • Peter: Y/N!!??
  • Peter: Barton if you put a finger on her I'll get you
  • Y/N: AHHHHHHHH NOOOOOO
  • Peter: Oh my fucking god Y/N are you ok??
  • Y/N: torturing mee...
  • Peter: That's it! Someones gonna die today
  • Peter is offline
  • Clint: And that's how babies are made
  • Steve: Make sure your careful when having special time
  • Clint: I can't to be the uncle of these babies. These laser shooting, spider babies...
  • Y/N: THAT WAS HORRIBLE!!!
  • Y/N: Peter probably thinks I'm dead.
  • Wade, Pietro are online
  • Pietro: She stole your katanas :))
  • Wade: Y/NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
  • Y/N: Oh shit

I want to go to school in philadelphia and possibly live there after college and I really want to open a store where I repurpose cool shit I find in thrift stores and!! there’s like 50 thrift stores in Philly alone! im so hype

in the midst of my current crisis i bought one of those dumb penny necklaces off etsy that has five by five etched into it because of, i don’t know, reasons 

TLC Shipweeks 2017- Week One Day One- Home.

tbh wolflet is as cozy as you can get honestly it was all i could think of when i thought of the theme. I wanted to make this look better but i haven;t slept in like,,,,a long time,,,and idk lmso. anyway yeah they went out dancing at the bar last night and she stole his shirt but Ze’ev was wearing those pants when they went out. idk how to draw him lol. i will probably go back and redraw this someday.

anonymous asked:

Hi zoë it's very late and I'm having a rough night. I didn't really have anyone else rn so that's why I'm here. I've been having a horrible semester at school. I'm failing everything and I don't even know if I'll graduate. I'm horribly depressed and suicidal and every time it seems to get better it just gets worse again. I don't know what to do I feel so hopeless. I try to tell myself it's ok to fail sometimes but I can't make myself believe it. Idk. I just need a word of encouragement.

hi love you have GOT TO KEEP FIGHTING keep pushing forward even if the most youre doing a day is just surviving KEEP GOING keep your head up youre so close to the end just because youre having a bad semester does not mean next semester will be bad or that all semesters will be bad Its just One Bad Semester ANON I LOVE YOU AND BELIEVE IN YOU

I’ve seen many sources say that it’s okay to experiment with labels. It’s okay to go through phases. It’s okay if, in the end, you realize that square one is where you actually belong.

As much as I’ve heard of this being okay, I’ve never actually witnessed it. I’ve never seen someone identify a certain way for a year, two years, three years, and end up on the flipside saying “nevermind” altogether.

Trying to imagine that happening, especially for people like me who change names and pronouns, is kind of terrifying. To tell everyone in your life that all the things you fought to help them understand about yourself were temporary? To stop calling you your newly chosen name and pronouns… what would that be like?

Would everyone point to you as proof that people who deviate from cisgender are all just going through the phase that you did? Would people not trust you anymore? Would they be disgusted, calling you a fraud, even though you had genuinely believed you were right about yourself?

How would you even revert back to the way you were before?

uh friendos idk if it matter so much but i guess im gonna be away for some couple of days…. its a lot of things happening in my personal life and i just want to solve and make sure everything its ok.
its a hiatus?? i dont know.. but im really fragile these days and i just want everything gets better.
i’ll miss u all, all the love 💗💗

You’re welcome for this blessed image.
After that talk with ya I actually thinking what imma do and I think if you launch a web comic now then maybe you’d be earning some money to save up your getaway and college.

—————-

Yah I mean nobody would read that tbh so Idk abt that. I’m actually going to get a job soon to save up some money but we’ll see how fat that’ll go!

ALS O  W H Y

Update : Back to uni

Hello everyone ! So it’s finally September, and I’m going back to university for my third and last year of biology. Next comes Master degree, and I have to prepare for that. 

This year’s schedule is busy and I’ll need to work hard to apply to neuroscience Master *crosses fingers*. So I won’t be as active as before (not that I’ve been very active lately LOL), especially around november/december (guess who will have to revise during the birthday……. yikes U____U)

Art and writing might happen, as well as streams. But it won’t be my priority. So I apologize in advance for the future late ask replies :p

Also, I might soon restrict my messaging box to mutuals only - but my ask box will stay open to everyone ! I hope you understand.

I will probably still come and like your art and writing and other amazing posts from time to time :D and reblog ask things because I’m weak haha and reply to those… okay i can’t promise that :p
I will post sometime soon (maybe this weekend if I have the strength) links to my OCs’ pages, or just their names lol (because not every page is ready, far from that, really).

I think that’s all… *breath in* oh my god this is going to be one hell of a year… 

Originally posted by muggleolmasakya

I’ve watched you grow up, you know. I’ve heard your voice deepen and watched you get taller every day. I know you better than I know my own reflection in the mirror. And yet somehow, you are nothing like the boy I knew, and nothing like the man he was meant to become.
—  from an unfinished story #472

anonymous asked:

idk if you remember me, but I just moved to France after only studying French 8 months, and today was my first day of school and I can't understand ANYTHING. I was too anxious/embarrassed to ask questions in English. so of course I missed all the important stuff and now I'm stressing. any advice?

HELLO YES OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU!! i’m sorry to hear that things did not go too well the first day, but don’t worry! i actually wasn’t too sure how to answer this question so i had to ask for help haha. here are some wise words from @lovelybluepanda:

tell them to befriend someone from their class so they could ask them for their notes and in this way they won’t miss out anything and if they have questions, just write them on a paper and ask that friend later and if they don’t know the answer, your anon should ask them to ask the teacher in their place; i have seen a couple of people who did this for their friends so if your anon finds an extroverted friend this will save them. also, they should try to speak French more with others, they studied french for 8 months but they didn’t interact with people enough so they need active learning now.

back to me: i do agree that you should make a friend in the class who knows more french than you, so when you don’t understand something you can go to them for help. with time, listening will get easier but it will take a while for you to get to a point where you understand everything. also you could always stay after a bit with the teacher and ask them to go over things a bit slower/clearer? are there any other english speakers with you in the class? if so you should all team up and help each other out haha. it may also help you to record the lecture and go back to wherever you live and try to listen, but i realize that this may be time consuming. as for not understanding, vocab is probably your main problem. i suggest doing a TON of memrise, vocab sheets, drops (a vocabulary app), and whatever else you can find about vocab. if it’s still too hard for you in the coming days, do you have a choice to switch to an english class before you start the french one? since it’s your first day it’s not too late to drop it. i hope this was of help to you in some way, and if not im sorry. you can always message me if u wanna talk in private :) does anyone else have suggestions for this anon?

So I’m getting surgery done tomorrow to get my gallbladder removed (which will solve my intermittent abdominal pain that’s been going on for the better part of the year) and the doctor said I’d only need a week for recovery time which was like, cool, totally doable. But apparently I gotta get approved as like work-ready by HR’s associate health and they were like since you work in the ER where you’re exposed to all sorts of illnesses as well as aggressive patients we really need you to not come back until two weeks after the surgery.


Taking two weeks is gonna use ALL of my accrued time off and I’ll actually end up missing out on one full shift’s pay since I don’t actually have enough time off to cover the two whole weeks. That’s on top of the fact that using my ATO actually robs me of money since they only give me base rate pay without any of my night/weekend differentials (i.e. I potentially lose $2-$4/hr depending on the night)


This is all happening on the week leading up to my birthday and the week after my birthday (which is technically a whole pay period since we’re on a biweekly schedule) so I’m not gonna be able to celebrate it at all since I’m gonna be so strapped for cash. I wasn’t even planning on doing much of anything either! I was hoping for maybe a nice dinner with a couple of friends or maybe a trip to the movies with my family, and now I won’t even be able to do that.


I’m just kinda stressed and bummed out about it. But there’s no way around it. It’s not like I could’ve put it off because even though the abdominal pain isn’t constant, it’s frequent and intense enough to affect my ability to eat like a normal person. I’ve basically been reduced to cereal and toast being the only things that don’t give me heartburn or otherwise upset my stomach.


It’s just been an all around sucky situation and I wish it weren’t.

anotherbtslaundry  asked:

I am looking for internships in S.Korea too! Idk if I'll get them tho, the competition seems too tough but I am trying😅

yeah it’s pretty severe but it depends on the industry and what the companies are looking for! so don’t give up hehehe