Favorite Doctor Who characters (1/?): Clara Oswald
The most important leaf in human history! It’s full of stories. Full of history. And full of a future that never got lived. Days that should’ve been that never were… Passed on to me. This leaf isn’t just the past, it’s a whole future that never happened. There are billions and millions of unlived days for every day that we live; an infinity! All the days that never came! And these are all my mum’s.
Kellan had always had this sort of calming presence that always seemed to comfort everyone. Usually it was always Eva or Ben who ended up in his room at one am cause they couldn’t sleep. One day Eva happened to need some advice and when she walked past she heard music coming from his room which wasn’t uncommon. It wasn’t until she actually entered the room that she realized it was him playing. She was completely mesmerized by it.
Ben found out next, obviously. He was doing his work while sitting in Kellan’s room with him when he asked if he minded if he played some music. He found himself unable to focus on his work after that because he was listening to Kellan playing instead. Adelaide found out from Ben and just had to see for herself. She’s started singing to herself under her breath. Kellan always notices but has never said anything about it.
Audrey is the only one out of everyone who ever asks him to play for her and he always does without fail. It helps her relax and it’s one of the only things that makes her forget just for a little while. Jane loves going into Kellan’s room because it’s the only place her mother never finds her. She’ll just lay on the couch and he’ll offer to play to help her relax.
Lonnie happened to walk by while he was practicing one day and couldn’t help herself. She’ll walk by in hopes that he’s practicing and ask if she can come in. Chad also walked in on him practicing once. He will never admit how much he like listening to him though. Whenever he hears music coming from the room he’ll walk in without hesitation and make up some excuse as to why he’s there.
Lana found out when she first came over from the Isle. He played her one of his favorite songs with ease and she loved it. Jay and Carlos found out the same way Ben did. Sometimes he’ll invite them in after their practice and he’ll play random songs while they play video games or something. Evie and Mal were looking for everyone else when they found them all just gathered in Kellan’s room doing their separate school work while Kellan played in the background with a smile on his face as he glanced around the room at everyone.
Uma was looking for Harry and Gil when she first heard Kellan playing. She stood outside the door listening for a good ten minutes. She’ll also never admit that she really likes hearing him play his soft, relaxing music. Harry and Gil’s room is next door so the first time they heard it was through the wall. It was so much different than either of them had head before.
Since he doesn’t go to Auradon Prep the first time Jasin heard Kellan play was when he went over to his place with Eva one time. He had absolutely no clue that Kellan could play. It surprised him quite a bit but still, he really likes it.
It’s not uncommon at all to hear music coming from Kellan’s room and seeing at least a couple of them laying around the room, dozing off, doing work, or anything else. They all really like hearing him play and Kellan loves making his friends happy.
Common experiences of lesbians who don’t know they’re lesbians yet
curiosity, I recently googled “Am I lesbian quiz”. Half the “Are You a Lesbian” quizzes just asked outright, “Are you attracted to women?” as though that isn’t the
very answer a questioning lesbian is trying to figure out. The other
half marked me as heterosexual for things like owning more nail varnish than
dogs. I hope this list will give you more nuanced ideas to think about
as you explore your identity.
These experiences are all really common among - but not universal or exclusive to - people who later realize they’re lesbians and find a comfortable home in the lesbian label and community.
It’s mostly stuff that I and
other lesbians I know have wished we knew when we were first coming to
grips with our lesbian identities, because the fact is it takes a long
time to discover how common a lot of these experiences are among
lesbians, and not knowing what to look for when trying to figure out if
you’re a lesbian can be hard.
‘Attraction’ to men
Deciding which guys to be attracted to – not to date, but to be attracted to – based on how well they match a mental list of attractive qualities
Only developing attraction to a guy after a female friend expresses attraction to him
jealous of a specific female friend’s relationships with guys and
assuming you must be attracted to the guys she’s with (even if you never
really noticed them before she was interested in them)
Picking a guy at random to be attracted to
to be attracted to a guy at all, not just choosing to act on it but
flipping your attraction on like a switch – that’s a common lesbian
Having such high standards that literally no guy meets
them – and feeling no spark of attraction to any guy who doesn’t meet
Only/mostly being into guys who are gnc in some way
Only/mostly being attracted to unattainable, disinterested, or fictional guys or guys you never or rarely interact with
Being deeply uncomfortable and losing all interest in these unattainable guys if they ever indicate they might reciprocate
Reading your anxiety/discomfort/nervousness/combativeness around men as attraction to them
Reading a desire to be attractive to men as attraction to them
Having a lot of your ‘guy’ crushes later turn out to be trans women
Relationships with men
Dreading what feels like an inevitable domestic future with a man
Or looking forward to an idealized version of it that resembles literally no m/f relationship you’ve ever seen in your life, never being able to picture any man you’ve actually met in that image
repulsed by the dynamics of most/all real life m/f relationships you’ve seen
and/or regularly feeling like “maybe it works for them but I never want my
relationship to be like that”
Thinking you’re commitmentphobic
because no relationship, no matter how great the guy, feels quite right
and you drag your feet when it comes time to escalate it
along with escalation because it seems like the 'appropriate time’ or bc
the guy wants it so bad, even if you personally aren’t quite ready to
say I love you or have labels or move in together etc.
Or jumping ahead and trying to rush to the ‘comfortably settled’ part of relationships with guys, trying to make a relationship a done deal without investing time into emotional closeness
like you have to have relationships with guys and/or let them get
serious in order to prove something, maybe something nebulous you can’t
Only having online relationships with guys; preferring not to look at
the guys you’re interacting with online; choosing not to meet up with a
guy even if you seem very into him and he reciprocates and meeting up is
a boyfriend mostly so other people know you have a boyfriend and not
really being interested in him romantically/sexually
Wishing your boyfriend was more like your female friends
Wishing your boyfriend was less interested in romance and/or sex with you and that you could just hang out as pals
Thinking you’re really in love with a guy but being
able to get over him in such record time that you pretend to be more
affected than you are so your friends don’t think you’re heartless
After a breakup, missing having a boyfriend more than you miss the specific guy you were with
Worrying that you’re broken inside and unable to really love anyone
Sex with men
Having sex not out of desire for the physical pleasure or emotional closeness but because you like feeling wanted
OR: preferring to 'be a tease’ to feel wanted but feeling like following through is a chore
Only being comfortable with sex with men if there’s an extreme power imbalance and your desires aren’t centred
Using sex with men as a form of self-harm
numb or dissociating or crying during/after sex with men (even if you
don’t understand that reaction and think you’re fine and crying etc for
Being bored with sex with men/not understanding what the big deal is that makes other women want it
Doing it anyway out of obligation or a desire to be a good sport/do something nice for him
having sexual fantasies about specific men, preferring to leave them as
undetailed as possible or not thinking about men at all while
Having to make a concerted effort to fantasize about the guy you’re “attracted” to
Early interest in women
Not recognizing past/current crushes on women until you’ve come to grips with your attraction to women
Being unusually competitive, shy, or eager to impress specific women when you’re not that way with anyone else
Wanting to kiss your female best friend on the mouth for literally any reason (”to practice for boys” included)
Getting butterflies or feeling like you can’t get close enough when cuddling with a close female friend
Looking at a close female friend and feeling something in your chest clench up and being overwhelmed with love for her - love you may read as platonic
had strong and abiding feelings of admiration for a specific female
teacher, actor, etc., growing up that were deep and reverent
Having had an unusually close relationship with a female friend growing up that was different and special in a way you couldn’t articulate
relationships would be simpler “if only I were attracted to women/my
best friend who would be perfect for me if she/I weren’t a girl”
a female friend is treated badly by a man, having your protective
thoughts turn in the direction of “if I was him/a man I’d never do that to her/my girlfriend”
Being utterly fascinated by any lesbians you know/see in media and thinking they’re all ultra cool people
your favourite character in every show be that one gay-coded or butch-looking woman
(like Shego from Kim Possible or Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica)
Feeling weirdly guilty and uncomfortable in locker rooms etc., when your
female friends are less clothed than they normally would be around men
and being more careful not to look than they are
The 'straight’ version of you
Thinking that all straight girls feel at least some attraction to women
that your interest in seeing attractive women/scantily clad women/boobs
is an artificial reaction caused by the objectification of women in
Being really into how women look “aesthetically”/“just as artistic interest”
Thinking it’s objective and uncontested that almost all women are way more attractive than most men
Being a really intense LGBT+ “ally” and getting weirdly
emotional about homophobia but assuming you’re just a Really Good Ally
and v empathetic
Having like half your friend group from school turn out to be LGBT+
Getting emotional or having a strong reaction you don’t understand to f/f love stories etc.
Having had people think you were gay when you had no suspicion you were gay
Exploring attraction to women
Feeling like you could live with a woman in a romantic way, even if you can’t imagine doing anything sexual with a woman
Feeling like you could enjoy sexual interaction with a woman, even if you can’t imagine having romantic feelings for a woman
you couldn’t be a lesbian because you’re not attractive enough, cool
enough, or otherwise in the same league as most of the women you know
with het sex/romance in media by imagining yourself in the man’s
position or just never/rarely imagining yourself in the woman’s position
Really focusing on the women in het porn
Being really into the idea of kissing/being sexual with a woman 'to turn guys on’
Being really annoyed when guys actually do express interest in watching or joining in when you do that
Only feeling/expressing attraction to or sexual interest in women when you’re inebriated or otherwise impaired
Having a lot of conflicting gender feelings that are only possible to resolve once you understand you are/can be a lesbian
that being gnc and feeling a disconnect from traditional womanhood mean
that you can’t be a woman even if that’s what feels closest to right -
many lesbians are gnc and many lesbians feel disconnected from
traditional womanhood since it’s so bound up in heteropatriarchy
you’re attracted to women and not being able to parse that (esp + any
gender nonconformance) as gay, taking a long time to figure out if
you’re a straight man or a lesbian
Being dysphoric about the
parts of you that make straight men think your body is owed to them,
having to figure out what that dysphoria means for/to you
you’re attracted to women, but feeling weirdly guilty and uncomfortable
trying to interact with them as a straight man, and only later
realizing you’re actually a trans lesbian
Knowing you’re gay, but experiencing a lot of the symptoms of comp het
when you try to interact with men romantically/sexually, and only later
realizing you’re a trans lesbian and not a gay man
nonbinary and taking a long time to sort through being able to
respect/understand your nonbinary identity and your lesbianness at the
Wanting to be a lesbian but feeling like if you don’t already know you are one you can’t be
guilty about wanting to be a lesbian, feeling like you’re just
attention-seeking or trying to be trendy
Suppressing your lesbian
dreams because you think exploring that desire would mean you’re a
bad/homophobic person using lesbianness selfishly
Wishing you were a lesbian to escape the discomfort of dating men
about how much fun it would be to be a lesbian and just be with women/a
specific woman, but thinking that can’t be for you
Worrying that some of your past attraction to men was actually real so you can’t be a lesbian
Worrying that bc you can’t be 100% sure you’re not attracted to men and can’t be 100% sure you won’t change your mind, you can’t be a lesbian
Worrying that you only want to be a lesbian because of trauma and that means your lesbianness would be Fake
Worrying that trauma-induced complications in how you experience sex (e.g., a habit of self-harming via sex w men or a fear of any sex at all) mean you’re not a Real Lesbian
Every item on this list is common among Real Lesbians. It’s all Normal Lesbian Stuff. If you’re worried that you can’t be a lesbian even though it’s the life you really want for yourself, I hope this gives you permission to explore that. You are allowed to be a lesbian.
And if you’re not sure yet – if you took the time to read this entire thing because you’re curious about your identity, if you identified with a bunch of items on this list – you may or may not be a lesbian, but friend, you almost certainly aren’t cishet. Welcome.
(I’d love to hear other things lesbians wish you’d known were A Thing when you were first exploring your identity!)
“Hey everyone! I just wanted to send you this quick video message to tell you how excited I am to be attending Clexa Con, the very first Clexa Con. I’ll be there next weekend in Las Vegas of course on Saturday March 4th and Sunday March 5th. Make sure you follow them on Twitter and Instagram @clexacon and check out their website so you know when and where exactly to find me. And I will see you in Sin City. So many queer ladies under one roof. That’s going to be a wild trip. Byeeee!”
So I decided to do an animatic of what was probably my favorite Klance moment of season 3. I was originally going to do screencap redraws but I realized that those wouldn’t do this whole scene justice lmao
The trouble with approaching your relationship the same way you approached your at-times contentious friendship is that apparently, no one realizes you’re actually dating. Or else Enjolras and Grantaire just have the absolute most oblivious of friends.
I’m so used to the “everyone except Enjolras and Grantaire knows they like each other” trope, so this one was really fun to read!
Grantaire really doesn’t expect Enjolras to force him to move in with him when he hears how shitty Grantaire’s apartment is. And he definitely doesn’t expect Enjolras to want him to stay, or how easy it turns out to be, or the way Enjolras has a habit of doing his studying in the sunshine on the living room floor …
Yeah, he may be in some trouble.
Everything. Everything about this. SO GOOD (ps there’s some smut at the very end, just in case you’re not into that)
In which Grantaire and Enjolras take a very long time to actually say those three special words, but if you pay attention, the words are there.
Love love love love love. I felt super content (in an “I’m wrapped up in a warm blanket sitting in front of a fire on a cold winter’s day” way) after reading this and honestly that’s one of the best feelings to have after reading a fic (for me personally)
In the almost four years that Enjolras had known his friends, he always managed to avoid ice skating with them. This was very purposeful. It had to be. After all, they lived in the Northeast, so plenty of opportunities arose for him to go ice skating. He just never took advantage of them. Because Enjolras had a secret. A dark, terrible secret.
Given how nosy and internet savvy his friends were, it was kind of a miracle that only Combeferre and Courfeyrac knew about his past.
But it was time.
(Or the Amis go ice-skating and find out a surprising truth about Enjolras.)
Ok I had to include this one on here too because when I was rereading it just now, it kinda reminded me of Yuri on Ice and that made me happy sooo :)