So I'm talking like post-everything they're in the avengers tower and these idiots still haven't admitted their feelings. Bucky doesn't feel like he deserves to be loved by steve and vice versa they're just dancing around each other. And this one night after a party steve is sitting on their couch and he's wrapped up in blankets and he still can't get warm and all he wants is for bucky hold him and have his way with him so buck comes in and see a shivering lil steve and can't help himself
Steve hated parties. In the past, it was because he felt insecure and out of place, people looked down on him and he hated the way he looked.
Now, he just felt awkward, out of place and shy. He hated talking to people he didn’t know. He loved interacting and forming friendships, but he couldn’t handle the anxiety that came along with that.
Tony was having one of his parties for a function and while everyone else was dancing and drinking, Steve stayed in his corner and watched. After a while, he got up and left. He wasn’t needed.
And he couldn’t keep watching Bucky dance with women. He couldn’t keep watching as the man he loved slipped through his fingers yet again.
Later, Steve found himself on the roof of the Compound. His legs hung off the side and a blanket was wrapped around his shoulders. He felt the cold, not like the average person, but always in his hands.
He was freezing.
But it was better to be cold than stiflingly hot.
The view from here was beautiful and if Steve closed his eyes, it was like he was sitting in his mother’s garden, listening to the world go by.
Steve opened his eyes and turned, Bucky had fallen into the spot next to him. “Is somethin’ wrong?” he asked, somewhat bitterly.
“Stevie, you left and -
“Yeah, I left. Sorry. Didn’t feel like watchin’ you have a good ol’ time, while I sat there throwin’ back shots,” Steve snapped, angry that tears sprang to his eyes. “You act like you don’t even know me.”
“Stevie, that’s not true -
“Oh, it isn’t?” Steve laughed harshly, “really? You barely say two words to me, you avoid me all the time. I feel like you’re not even here. I got you back, I’ve missed you so much. I woke up in this world with no one and when you were there on that bridge, I thought, I could be happy. But I guess not. Seen as you want nothin’ to do with me.”
With that, he stood up and began to walk away, when Bucky grabbed his arm and turned him around, asking brokenly, “is that what you think?”
Steve stared at him, “don’t you get it? I love you and you’re goin’ around like I don’t exist. I can’t - can’t keep doin’ this. It hurts, it hurts too much. If you want nothin’ to do with me, then fine. But can you just tell me, so that I can move on?”
“No,” Bucky growled, walking Steve into the wall, caging Steve against it, “no, I can’t. I won’t.”
Steve’s eyes welled up with tears, spilling over his cheeks and he squeezed his eyes shut, unable to look at his best friend. He was trembling now, feeling utterly helpless and small, he would let Bucky do whatever he wanted, leave and never come back, whatever it was. He wasn’t worth Bucky’s time.
And then he felt Bucky’s lips on his skin. Kissing up his tears, kissing his eyelids, his forehead, his jaw, his cheeks, his chin, his neck and before Steve knew it, he was shaking apart in Bucky’s hold, sobbing into the warmth of his best friend’s arms.
“It’s okay, Stevie,” Bucky whispered, hugging Steve to him. Steve buried his face in Bucky’s neck and clung on tight. “I’m here Stevie. I’m here and I’m never leavin’ you again. I love you too, I love you so much sweetheart. You’re so good and I didn’t want to be a burden, I ain’t a saint, doll.”
“You’re not a burden,” Steve said between hiccups, “I ain’t a saint either. You’re perfect as you are. But you don’t need to lie to me. If you don’t feel the same -
Steve was cut off by Bucky’s lips meeting his. It sang of love and all things sweet, a kiss to hold and protect. One that kept Steve grounded and present and made him feel alive.
“I love you,” Bucky growled, kissing Steve’s jaw, then neck and sucking there, “I love your eyes. I love your smile. I love the way you laugh. The little frown you get when you’re angry or confused.
I love the fact that you hate avocado but love guacamole, you smell like home and sweetness, like apples and safety. I love that you paint and express whatever is goin’ on in that big beautiful mind of yours.
I love the way you care and feel for others, always tryin’ to do the right thing. I love you. Stevie, I do.”
Steve broke down then, melting into Bucky’s arms and curled his freezing cold hands on Bucky’s chest, keeping them warm and safe there.
Right over Bucky’s heart.