but i'll be better

  • Ravenclaw: *sitting and listening to the rain* I like the rain, it's peaceful.
  • Slytherin: It'll help clean up a murder.
  • Ravenclaw: You wouldn't need the rain to clean up after you if you used an icicle as the murder weapon.
  • Hufflepuff: What is wrong with the both of you?
Humans are weird, apparently

Ok, I decided I wanted to try my hand at adding to this “Humans are Space Orcs” thing.  Apologies if it’s been done before, but I haven’t seen this particular thing.

Imagine the aliens coming to Earth and looking at our media, at the products in our stores, and all over the place they see the most obvious warnings and disclaimers.  “Caution, food will be hot,” “Professional driver on closed course,” “Do not attempt.”  And they just think that humans must be absolute idiots because who the heck needs to be told that, right?

But they don’t know about human litigation.

Sure, the aliens have laws and treaties and whatnot, but what with an intersteller community and all these different races and languages, they just naturally abide by the spirit of the law, because who would want all that precise translation and finicky language and loophole abuse and obvious rule patches?  Way too much work for the aliens.

So humans join the galactic community, start developing relationships and trade deals and agreeing to abide by whatever the aliens call their Geneva Convention.  Everyone’s happy.  Until the aliens start looking a little closer at actual human behaviour.

“Umm, Ambassador Joseph, we can’t help but notice that your people have been making more dreadnoughts than the Isni Treaty allows.  This is making us very nervous.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, President Gangril.  We only have four dreadnoughts.”

“You registered four, but when reviewing your fleet, we found there were at least twenty?”

“The other sixteen are heavy crusiers.”

“They’re clearly dreadnoughts.”

Joe brings out a large stack of papers.  “Actually, according to the treaty, dreadnoughts are over 906 metres, and these cruisers are 890 metres long.  The guns also…”

Until the aliens are collectively tearing out their hair analogues and somehow human lawyers get even richer as the galactic community desperately hires them in an effort to prevent this behaviour.

5

Originally, I wanted to draw an AU where Link and Zelda were normal human kids in a world like ours, but then I started thinking about Zoras and I got excited and a new AU within an AU happened?? I’ll probably make more of this.

Writers aren’t so special, I think. They listen more. They spend their lives looking for stories. They don’t wait for them.
—  That’s the difference