but i won't throw all my work away

anonymous asked:

I never understand people in school who want kids in their 30s cause it's like you won't get your degree until you're at most 25 and pay off all that debt till who knows how long&you're going to throw all that hard work away for a kid? What a waste.

I remember sitting with one of my friends when we were seventeen, trying to comfort her. She’d done some basic arithmetic and realised that 18 (university begins) plus 12 (years to become the qualified counsellor she wanted to be) equals 30, after which fertility sharply declines and the risk of complications shoots up. So, naturally, she’d wanted kids before then.

But that simple numbers game meant she would spend TWELVE YEARS studying, then only get to do the job she loved for a handful of years at the most, before it was time to ditch it completely or go part-time, and wave goodbye to any idea of promotions or having her own practice until she was… what, fifty?

Which isn’t usually the age people are piling promotions upon women.

Especially if they’ve been out of the game or just on the fringes for the bulk of the last two decades.

It’s a matter of maths. And it’s hard to argue with maths.

We’re humans; we’re mortal. We get a very limited supply of “prime years”, and sadly, children will take up a significant proportion of those - at the expense of other experiences.

This is why you should only have kids if you’re certain parenthood is for you.

You wouldn’t commit the same amount of life to becoming an astronaut “just in case” you regret not doing it.

Of course, if my friend had been born with penis-shaped genitals instead of the vagina-shaped one she got, all this would be a moot point. She could expect not only the degree, the job, the promotions AND the children, but dinner on the table when she got in, and nobody asking if she ever feels guilty for putting her own wishes first.