but i was tired of merging

Imagine Chris being there for you through it all.

A/N: This is a request from @brobrobreja, I don’t know if this helps. I mean- I cried writing this so I’m sorry if this makes you sadder, I just- it’s a really tough situation. Sending so much love your way. X

You swore time stood still when the words “acute myeloid leukemia” left your oncologist’s lips. Your mouth became dry and your heart started to beat in your ears; voices and background noises merged into a deafening buzz that somehow repeated one sentence, “you have cancer.” You couldn’t believe it- you didn’t want to believe it. You didn’t understand how what you’d thought was a really bad cold could turn out to be blood cancer. You thought because you were sick that it was normal: to feel tired, to have a fever, to get night sweats, to have reoccurring nose bleeds, to throw up, to lose weight, to have your bones and joints ache despite your use of pain killers. You didn’t think anything of it because you didn’t want to think anything of it; you knew something was wrong but you were too afraid to admit it, and as it turned out- you had every right to be afraid.

Your husband, Chris, was the reason you finally decide to go to the hospital. You were getting weaker with each passing day, and your pain was only just beginning. Today you couldn’t even get out of bed, which was the last straw for Chris; he forced you into his car and drove you to the hospital. The two of you met with a GP who took one look at you and your list of symptoms and sent you to their resident oncologist on the fifth floor. You sat in the waiting room with Chris, who held your freezing hand the entire time. He tried to reassure you, repeating the sentences that would usually rid you of your angst: “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart.”, “We’re just overthinking again.”, “I’m sure it’s nothing.” Usually they worked, but not this time. You knew it wasn’t going to be okay; you weren’t overthinking again; and it was definitely something. You could feel it everywhere: your gut, your heart, your mind, and your soul; it wasn’t just the numbing pain talking, it was every inch of your being.

“Hey,” Chris gently squeezed your hand, bringing you back into the room. You managed a small smile as you ignored the tears blurring your vision; it wasn’t you you were worried about, it was your husband. Death was going to be easy, but surviving a death wasn’t. “Did you hear what Dr. Michaels said?” He tried to keep his voice as calm as possible. “There are a lot of treatments you can undergo, okay? We’ve got um-” he glanced at Dr. Michaels who looked heartbroken for the both of you, “chemotherapy and biological therapy and target therapy and radiation-” He stopped himself when he heard his voice break. “There’s a chance for recovery, Y/N.”

“I know,” you nodded, squeezing his hand as tightly as your weak body could. “Don’t you worry, I’m going to do whatever it takes to fight this.” Chris broke down when you said that, burying his head in your lap. He wanted to be strong for you, but he couldn’t right now. You were so young and you had so much left to do with your life; he couldn’t lose you, you couldn’t leave him. “It’s okay, baby.” You kissed the top of his head, whispering into his hair. “I’m going to be okay, I promise.”

After that day, Chris never cried in front of you again. He promised himself he’d keep it together because you didn’t need to take care of him, he needed to take care of you. He stayed incredibly positive, reminding you every day that recovery was possible and it was- especially since they detected your cancer in its early stages. Acute leukemia was the kind of cancer that needed to be treated as soon as it was diagnosed, as were most cancers. The goal of treatment was inducing a remission which was an absence of leukemia cells in the body, that came with a lot of chemotherapy; pills, catheter- whatever form of inserting the drugs into you, you did. It exhausted you physically, mentally, and psychologically. You spent most of your time at either the hospital or the dialysis clinic with Chris, of course, who put his entire career on hold.

You didn’t want him to; you wanted him to go to Atlanta and film ‘Infinity War’; you wanted him to live his life like his wife’s wasn’t on the line. But of course, he wouldn’t because he couldn’t. As much as he wanted to keep you happy, he couldn’t agree to such a ridiculous request. Even if he were to agree, just to appease you, Marvel wouldn’t have allowed him on set. You’d been married to Chris for five years now, everyone he knew and everyone he’d worked with knew you too. They also knew you needed Chris in such a trying time, whether or not you were willing to admit it- you needed the love of your life by your side. So Kevin promised Chris they could postpone the filming schedule for as long as he needed, or at least until things weren’t so raw and fresh. You’d tried to argue against it, stating there was no point in him suffering with you, but he wouldn’t have any of it. He even reminded you of your wedding vows- for better or for worst, and in sickness and in health- which shut you up.

“Do you want some te-” Chris cut himself off when he saw you asleep on the couch with Dodger watching over you. He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, walking over to carefully readjust you and your blanket. “I’m not hurting her, bud.” He reassured Dodger, who growled slightly. “I’m just…” He trailed off, sighing again at the sight of your weary face. “What are we going to do, Dodger?” He looked over at his pup, chuckling with limited humor as he wept. He tried to stop himself from completely breaking down, but he couldn’t. “I feel so fucking useless. Tea?” He almost laughed at how ridiculous he sounded. “I’m offering her fucking tea when she’s-” he buried his face in his hands. “Oh God, why did it have to be her?” He cried into his hands. “She doesn’t deserve this, no one does.”

Chris cried for a little while then wiped his face with his t-shirt before leaving you to rest. He headed for his laptop where had several articles about leukemia and treatment plans and statistics of recovery. Things may have looked bleak, but it didn’t stop him from giving up hope. If there was a chance, there was a way. If you were willing to fight, so was he. You were stronger than anyone he’d ever known, and if anyone were to beat any shitty illness- it was you. You could do it, he could feel it as sure as you could feel the pain in your bones. Your treatment was going to induce remission, and you were going to recover, and the two of you were going to start a family and live happily ever after. Chris could picture the whole thing, he could see his future with you and there wasn’t a black cloud in sight. As long as the two of you stuck together, fought together, and stay positive together- things were going to be okay.

“Chris,” Chris heard your weak voice call for him and he poked his head around the corner. You were sitting up with a hand over your mouth, which meant only one thing. He quickly rushed over with a box of tissues and a bin so you could throw up. He held your hair back for you and gently rubbed your back as you threw up water and bile because you were too weak to eat any proper foods. You started crying as he cleaned your mouth for you, pushing his hand away and burying your head in yours. “I’m sorry,” you sobbed.

“Don’t apologize,” he shook his head, putting the bin aside so he could hold you. You melted into his arms and for a second, you almost forgot about everything. “Baby, this is not your fault. You’re doing everything you can, okay? You have nothing to be sorry for, do you understand me?” You managed a nod as you continued to cry. “I know how difficult it is right now, but you are going to get better. You just to believe because the mind is so much stronger than the body, and you have one of the strongest minds I’ve ever come across.”

“What if it’s not enough?”

“It is,” he assured you. “Believe me, it is. We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together,” he cupped your face in his hands and brushed away your tears, smiling. “I’m not letting you go anywhere, you hear? You’re stuck with me, Y/N, whether you like it or not.” You managed to laugh despite how utterly lost and broken you felt. “You’re going to get better,” he repeated. “Things are going to look up, I promise. You just need to keep fighting, baby. Can you do that?”

You nodded, managing a light chuckle. “I can do this all day,” you quoted Captain America’s most popular line and drew a genuine, heartfelt laugh from Chris. He brushed away the remainder of your tears then kissed your lips. Yes, things were bad right now, but he’d no doubt it was going to get better real soon. With a character as tough as yours, not even leukemia could keep you down.

Tags: @chrisevans-imagines @widowsfics @m-a-t-91 @xoxomioxoxo @imaginesofdreams @ateliefloresdaprimavera @katiew1973 @winter-tospring @shamvictoria11 @caitsymichelle13 @michellekeehlmello @letterstomyself21 @soymikael @faye22 @always-an-evans-addict @sammyrenae68 @brobrobreja @elizabeth-matsuoka @thegirlwiththeimpala @camerica96 @all-of-the-above11 @whenyourealizethisisntagoodname @yourtropegirl @smoothdogsgirl @createdbytinyaddiction @siofrataylor @dreamingintheimpalawithdean @imaginary-world-of-mine @wanderingkat77 @grantward3 @rileyloves5 @chrsmom302 @buckys-shield @mylittlefandomfanfictions @breezykpop @catch-me-im-a-falling-star @tabi-toast @ssweet-empowerment @hayleesteashoppe @chrixa @feelmyroarrrr @akidura79 @louisespecter @castellandiangelo @ccrossfire @assxmblesstuff @edward-lover18 @princessesnaddy @1d-niallerbieberforever @dxbrevgrey @bellastellaluna @christopher-or-steven @brokenwingsxix @yourenotrogers @im-a-fandom-slut @royalexperiment256 @palaiasaurus64 @mysteriouslyme81 @captainumeboshi @avengingalec @tacohead13 @badassbaker @pegasusdragontiger (Inbox me if you’d like to be added to the tag list)

Painty dood of Brei 

Lover’s Curse

“For one man, you have abandoned heaven. And so you shall follow his footprints… until… they lead you back to the flames.”

Damsel In Distress - Peter Parker x Reader x Tony Stark

Requested by anonymous: Hi! I saw that you what happened about your list of requests and I’m sorry to hear about that. If it makes you feel better I was the anon that requested 2 Spider-Man imagines. Both of them with Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Man: one was where the reader gets tired of him thinking/treating her as the damsel in distress and the other was where the reader was Tony Stark’s daughter and she started getting interested in Spidey and Tony didn’t like it. I hoped that helped out.

Since I have so many requests, I merged these two. I hope you don’t mind!

Side note: the reader is a mutant - imagine whatever ability you want her to have :-) continue 

Originally posted by imagine-that-marvel

Originally posted by 08s

You could feel his eyes watching you from across the room but you chose to ignore him. Whenever he came to meet with the team to plan a mission, he always stared at you until the meeting was over and once it was, he would flirt with you. In a really awkward way, you thought.

You definitely thought Peter was cute and sweet, but he always fought off your enemies because he didn’t want you to get hurt. His intentions were good, but you were just as much a part of this team as he was and you could prove it if he’d let you.

Of course he wasn’t the only one who felt this way. Your father, Tony Stark, acted the same exact way. He was always coming to your aid or saying “Hey kiddo, why don’t you sit this one out.” That phrase really got your blood boiling. Sure you were only sixteen and it’s definitely a dangerous job for a teenage girl, but you just wanted a chance to be somebody.

You shook the thoughts from your brain and focused on the rest of Cap’s lecture. The mission sounded more dangerous than anything you’ve ever encountered, but you were ready to take it on.

Once he finished, your dad stood up and patted Steve on the back. “Alright everyone, suit up. And (Y/N) I need to talk to you.”

Everyone exited the room but you remained in the chair at the conference table. 

He sighed and looked at you for a moment. “I really don’t know how I feel about you joining us on this one.”

You rolled your eyes and folded your arms across your chest. “Dad, you know I’m just as powerful as the others. Heck I’m more powerful than half of them! Wanda’s been training me.” You smirked.

“Hon, I know you’re talented…” He trailed off and you smiled. “…But you’re also young. Young girls shouldn’t have to put their lives on the line.”

Your smile faded. “I want to fight for humanity, dad. The world needs us. And if I’m able to help, then I want to. Even if I die trying.”

Disappointment crossed his face. “That’s what every father wants to hear.” 

“Sorry.” You bit your lip nervously and awaited his answer. 

He stared at you seriously for a minute before nodding. “Fine. Promise me you’ll be careful and remember everything I’ve taught you.”

You jumped up and hugged him. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” You held onto him for a little while longer. “I love you, dad.”

He gave you a tight squeeze and ruffled your hair. “Love you too, kid.”

You groaned and gave him an annoyed look as you smoothed your hair back to normal. 

“Hey you’re still my little girl.” He joked. “Go get ready.”

The others were loading up the Quinjet as you finished getting ready. You zipped your boots up and headed towards the ramp, tying your long hair into a braid as you walked.  

“Hey (Y/N)!” Someone called after you. You turned around to see Peter jogging towards you, completely in his red and blue suit except for the mask. He stopped in front of you and combed his fingers through his messy hair. “You ready for this?”

“Hell yes.” You smiled up at him.

“It’s gonna be a tough one so stay close to me, alright?” 

You scoffed. “I am so sick of that!”

His eyes widened. “Sick of what?”

“You and my dad acting like I’m useless! I will not stay close to you because I can handle myself.” You fumed.

“Whoa I’m sorry (Y/N) I didn’t mean to upset you.” He put his hands up in defense. “We just care about you.”

“I care about you guys too but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna baby you. I just want some respect.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I just want you to be safe because…well I kind of like you.” He laughed and looked down at his feet as he rubbed the back of his neck.

You sighed. “I’m sorry I got so worked up. I know you’re just trying to help. But Peter?”

He looked back up to you with his soft brown eyes. 

“I’ll be safe, okay? I promise. I’ve been training for two years now and nothing has taken me down yet.” You laughed and he joined in with you.

“C’mon you two.” Nat called from the top of the ramp. 

He turned around and headed towards the jet but you grabbed his hand. “Oh come here.” You pulled him back towards you and didn’t hesitate to press a soft kiss to his lips. 

When you pulled away he had the biggest smile on his face accompanied by tinted red cheeks. 

“I like you too.” You could feel your face slightly heat up as you heard clanking footsteps coming your way.

I really hope he didn’t see that.

You turned around a hurried onto the jet as you heard your father call out, “Peter, stay the hell away from my daughter!”

You giggled and then took a seat, strapping yourself in and preparing for a fight.


Here is my farm, it’s currently (and still after a month of real time or so…..) in autumn. I don’t have the time to play a lot so sorry if anyone’s tired of all the autumn photos, there’s nothing I can do about it! I couldn’t merge them together cause I dunno how and am too busy to figure it out anyway.

My farm isn’t finished at all but I tried my best.

Blood of Passage: Part Eight: Beginning of Bate


HAS BEEN EDITED Horns blared through the mountains, rippling the water in front of him. Three more days and Bay could see the stars. He almost didn’t recognize himself. His face was gaunt from three days without food, his eyes red from trying to hold back the tears and blood and sweat covered his face, hiding his freckles. Bringing up the water to his face, Bay scrubbed the blood and sweat away. He somehow looked older as if the weight he carried had aged him. He was seventeen years old and he felt a thousand.

He forced the grief and pain down as far as it would go. He didn’t need to have an emotional breakdown. In a place where it was either kill or be killed, it didn’t do to be weak; emotions would get him killed.

As hard as he tried to push them down, the memories hit him back with a force. He was forgetting the exact shade of her eyes, the way she smelled, the curve of her mouth when she laughed. He remembered so little of her. But what he did remember…the apples that covered the table at harvest, the laughter that filled the rooms. Sometimes he wondered if she left him at the Commander’s camp because she somehow knew Nate was there. He sighed and scrubbed at his face until it hurt, letting the cool water shock his senses.

Bastard born to a female who was a bright light to everyone around her. But when she got sick everyone left. No one wondered what happened to Caeli’s son. Where he went, if he was still alive. No one knew that her son was the ward of one of the greatest Illyrian’s of all time; ward of one of the greatest female warriors of all time.

No one knew that he fought to rise the ranks at the camps. No one knew that he had nightmares that plagued him as soon as he closed his eyes. No one knew how often he thought about closing his eyes and never waking up. No one knew that he was just waiting for everyone to leave as soon as they figured out he wasn’t worth their time anymore. It was better to expect the worst than get caught up in the moment being happy. The happier you were the harder the pain hit.

He took deep, even breaths. Keeping his emotions locked down so tight that they wouldn’t overcome and strangle him. He brought the water to his lips and he drank deeply, shutting out memory after memory of his mother.

“Baylor. I found you.”

He looked up, Nate stood before him, hands on his knees, blood on his face; His eyes were a mix of worry and exhaustion. He ignored the way he was looking at him. He ignored the rising heat in his face, the pounding of his heart. “What are you doing here. I told Blake to tell you to leave me the fuck alone.”

“You knew I would come after you. I kept my promise, Baylor. I’m not leaving.”

He couldn’t stop them as he broke apart. He couldn’t stop the tears as they came and flooded over him. “Baylor- It’s alright.”

“She’s dead.” He didn’t know who he was talking about anymore. His mother or Nesta; both faces merged together in his mind. He couldn’t stop crying and he was trying so hard. “She’s dead, Nate. And I keep losing people. I can’t keep losing people.”

Nate’s arms were around him and he was too tired to shrug him off. He just leaned forward into him, breathing in the lavender and mountain scent of Nate. “First my mother died, then Nesta and the baby died and Ash went an almost got himself killed…I am so tired, Nate. People keep leaving me and I don’t know why. I just want it all to stop.”

Nate pulled away from him, and met his eyes. He was close enough he could see his individual lashes, the depth of his brown eyes; so dark it they were almost black.“I’m not going to leave you, Baylor. I promise.”

He tried to ignore how hard his heart was pounding; the closeness of Nate; the sincerity of his promise. “You can’t promise that.” They were immortal and warriors. People die every day. Wars come and go and people get sick.

Nate sucked in a breath, his eyes bright. Their lips met and the warmth of his mouth sent a flood of starlight through every neuron. He found himself touching Nate’s face and he froze as they parted. Nate’s thumb brushed his cheek, the pad of his thumb rough. “Yes, Baylor. I can.”


He was so close to Baylor. His freckles lighted the greens in his hazel eyes; his eyelashes were so thick and his eyes were so wide; not from fear but from shock and they glowed despite the red splashed across his cheeks and into his ears. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

Baylor swallowed, his eyes flicked downwards and back up, “I’m- I’m not.” A heartbeat. “Sorry that is.”

His fingers were still on his face and they were frozen; time stopped around them or maybe it sped up. He didn’t know. All he did know was that Baylor was right in front of him and he was the male’s first kiss. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Nate whispered.

Baylor was hesitant as he leaned forward and met his lips again, sending fire through every nerve and neuron; Green apples and cinnamon flooded his senses and he didn’t want to move. He wanted to stay right where he was forever. He forced himself to part, his fingers wrapped around Baylor’s. “Baylor,” he said softly. “You are sad and full of grief. I can’t take advantage of that. As much as I want to, and believe me, I want to, I can’t. You need time to grieve without a new whatever-this-is confusing you.” He could almost see armor locking down piece by piece around Baylor’s heart. “Don’t lock yourself away,” he said quietly. “I’m not leaving. I just… want you to be sure.”


His numbness burned away as his heart pounded so hard; and his blood was on fire and he was. He was sure. “You’re not take-taking advantage of anything, Nate. People dying puts things into perspective and I’m tired. Of- of the lying to everyone about myself. I am tired of watching you without actually…being with you; And- And wanting what I want. So..I am. I am sure, Nate. I am very sure.”

Nate was fighting a smile and his face got redder and redder. He whispered, “Are you stammering?”


Nate pushed back his wet hair and kissed his forehead. His lips sent a jolt of warmth through him. He looked back down at him and grinned fully, “Sure you’re not, Baylor.” He found himself smiling for once in a very, very long time. “Why are you smiling?”

He swallowed, “I have something to smile for.”


It had been years since he had seen an actual smile that wasn’t forced on Baylor’s face and Nate found that he wanted to see that smile at least once a day and he wants to be the reason for it each time.

Those freckles were stark over the blushing on Baylor’s cheeks and they were going to be his undoing. He traced them with a thumb and brushed Baylor’s lip. Bringing up his face, their lips met again.

He didn’t know when he started falling for Baylor. Maybe it had never actually started all he knew was it never stopped; it consumed him and he wanted him more than anything and he knew he would have waited forever for him. The last relationship he had was… Cauldron..two years before? With Kapriel? The male broke it off with him for his supposed feelings for Baylor and he swore up and down that he didn’t. But maybe he did and he just didn’t realize it until that Starfall when Baylor came out of the study to watch the stars.

He knew then that he was irrevocably in love with him. The way his eyes lit up at the stars but didn’t smile. The way he leaned against the wall in his finery with a book in his hand; he didn’t dance, but he did watch the rest of them dance and he found himself stalking over to him.

He parted from him and ran his fingers through the ends of the hair curling below his ear. “You don’t have to worry about me going anywhere, Baylor. You could break my heart and I would consider it an honor. That’s what love is.”


They ran right through him, deep into the center and he felt the truth of Nate’s words. “You love me?”

Nate’s eyes almost glowed and Baylor found himself almost breathless at the look he was giving him. “Yes. I do. You don’t have to say anything; It’s not going to change the way I feel about you.”

“But why? There are better males out there than a bastard born nobody with abandonment issues.”

His thumb traced his freckles and Nate met his eyes, ”Sure there are. But there aren’t any that would get as excited as you do over a book. There aren’t any who would put their entire future on the line for their best friend, who lets an eight year old barge into their bedroom and sleep next to him as a way to combat their nightmares. There aren’t any that are you.“

He didn’t realize he was crying until Nate kissed away his tears. “I don’t deserve you.”

“We deserve each other and we deserve to be happy. Whether that is a minute or forever, we deserve it.” Nate wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer, flesh up against him and kissed him. “Are you… coming out? No pressure or anything..I just..um.”

“Nathaniel are you stammering?” He smiled at the blush finally, finally on Nate’s face.

“No, I’m not stammering.”

A bubble of laughter came from him and Nate grinned, his eyes alight. “Sure you’re not. But…I think so. I want to.” He knew it wouldn’t be easy, that it would take getting used to. But he was tired of the lying, the secrets. He just wanted to be himself for once. Maybe it would even help his nightmares.

He laced his fingers through Nate’s. “It’s not always easy, especially for Illyrians, but you have a family who loves you no matter what. And..you have me. The reward is worth the risk. And Baylor, Caeli’ will be proud of you.” The mention of his mother’s name on Nate’s lips sent a rush of bitter sweetness through him.

“I think I have an idea on what I’m going to do.”

Nate rose his eyebrows, “How so?”

He grinned, “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“I knew it. You are a tease.”

He snorted.

“Nate. Bay. I found you.”

He whirled around, “Blake? What the hell. I told you to leave me alone.” He snarled at Tarus, “You. If you come anywhere near Nate I will rip your throat out before you take your first step.”

Tarus rose his hands, “I’m sorry, Baylor. Threatening his life was a mistake I will not make again.”

“Damn right ‘your mistake’. Wait why did you threaten my life to begin with and who the hell are you?”

“Meet Tarus, Aurora Luxmea’s little brother.” Bay crossed his arms, “He tried to kill Blake becasue Blake was trying to kill Aurora.”

Nate snorted, “Blake kill Aurora? That’s about as likely as Dacia having sex with me.”

“I don’t understand why would Dacia Archeron have sex with you?”

“That’s the point. We’re both repulsed by the opposite sex. I’ll give you a slide for threatening my life seeing as how we’re in the Blood Rite where emotions run…high. But next time I’m siccing Baylor on you.”

Blake grinned, “What were you two doing before we showed up? You’re awfully close and Bay, are you blushing?”

Shut up,” Nate snarled. “What are you doing here? Maze is going to castrated you for not listening to her.”

“I couldn’t leave my brothers so I turned back around. But please, let me and Tarus here go and rescue Adrien while you and Bay rip each other’s clothes off.” He flicked his eyes to him, “I’m happy for you, Bay. Don’t hurt my brother.” Heat rushed through his face and Nate rolled his eyes.

“What happened to Adrien?” He turned to Nate and whispered, “You chose to come after me before your own blood?”

Nate brushed back Bay’s hair. “Yes.” Blake and Tarus disappeared from his mind and it was only him and Nate. He didn’t know how to thank him. The fact he chose him over his family.. Bay kissed him, letting his thanks show through action. Letting so much more through it. He let through the emotion he’d been numb to, that Nate somehow brought out of the numbness of his Depression and grief. “I’ll always come after you, Baylor.” He believed him.

Bay looked between Nate, Blake and Tarus, “Well. Let’s go get Adrien.”


This part centers mostly on Nate and Bay and omfg I almost cried writing it and ugh. Please, please leave a comment XO


My heart rate is slowing down.  Beat by beat.  Like someone gradually slackening their pace after a sprint.  Feet start to drag, toes grazing the earth a little.  Gravity taking over just a little bit more.  Soles skidding.  Eyes fluttering closed, like leaves taking their long arabesque down to the ground.  Everything is down, the earth itself tilts, my body tilts, everything is falling, collapsing, soundlessly, gracefully, all around me, colors turning to black. 

But no!  Fighting it.  Why fighting it?  Eyes surging open with a silent roar, frantic.  Heart rate elevates, ratcheting up with a sickly spike.  I can beat this, right?  It’s like falling asleep.  You choose to fall asleep, sleep doesn’t conquer you.  You aren’t distracted by sleep’s gray whispers.  They eddy around you.  They don’t increase in volume, you just modulate yours down.  You can see the colors around you fade, pale, like the petals on a flower.  I can feel the reality around me becoming slightly … squishy, and yes, I can still make out your voice.  Your dimly amused voice.  Is it you who is asking me why I am fighting it or is it me asking me why I am fighting it?  Have my thoughts and your voice merged, like someone playing the same note on a piano with two fingers? 

Admittedly, I am extremely tired.  I could pose like this all day.  Slumped down slightly, hands in my pockets.  I went to the gym earlier.  I worked hard.  It’s only natural that I’m a little sluggish now.  But … are these my thoughts, or is that what you’re saying to me?  I’m having trouble with the discerning of the words.  I’m even having trouble with the sentencing structure of my thoughts and buildings up words images to make myself understood in my own brain forest. 

And then again, the sound of your voice.  It doesn’t have words, really, anymore, it’s just a sound.  A murmur.  Like having been lost in the woods for hours and finally coming upon the sound of a rushing river, set just down in a small culvert.  And the instant relief that shoots through your veins - something chemical, something cooling - knowing you can just follow that river and you will make it out of the woods.  And even if that is something you are telling me now, something in your voice, it doesn’t even matter, does it?  You’re helping me find the river, and I’m going to find my way out of these gray woods.  But while I’m walking, it’s nice to have company, even if that company is just a voice, a conversational voice, because we all know that time passes so much more swiftly when there’s someone talking to us, right?


And there are things being said, things you are saying, about me, about who I am, and about who you are, and it’s like you’re telling me this story, this amazing story about these two guys who have known each other for - well, forever - and they’re almost immortal, and they walk together and that’s what they do.  They walk and they talk - well, one talks, really, let’s be honest, and the other listens, and which one are you, and which one am I?  I think that’s fairly obvious, right?  Right.  Although does it matter which is which, who is who?  If my words and your thoughts and your words and my thoughts are tied together, and they keep the thoughts tied together, then does it matter?  All that matters is that we get where we’re going, right?  And where we’re going is where I’m leading you, because we are walking hand in hand.

Right.  No, left, little bro.  Right, exactly. 

And it’s okay to be a little confused.  You might be a little confused a lot of the time.  And that’s not something that you’re used to, so your instinct is to fight it.  But it’s okay to be confused, a little confused, a lot of the time.  It’s okay to have questions.  It’s even okay to have so many questions that you don’t think you have time to ask them all.  Eventually they’ll go away, and you can stop thinking about them.  Besides, if my thoughts are your thoughts, and we’re thinking together, then soon your questions will have answers and you won’t even need to ask them!  Isn’t that great, bro? 

So you might be a little confused when I tell you things that you think aren’t true, that aren’t real.  You went to the gym this morning, right?  How often do you go to the gym?  If I told you every day, you’d believe me, right, because how often do you not go to the gym?  It’s kind of confusing, isn’t it.  If I told you that your shirt, the shirt you have on, the Muscle Monkey shirt, that that’s your favorite shirt, that you always wear that shirt, would you disagree?  It makes sense, doesn’t it, bro?

But all that matters is getting out of these woods, for now.  Thoughts and words don’t matter so much, you can just sort of let them go by and we can walk along the river together, little bro.  And if you get a little lost, you can just ask your big bro if we’re still going in the right direction, and you know what I’ll say, little bro?  I’ll say, big bro knows best. 

And I’ll bet you’ll just wanna repeat that, won’t you.

Big bro knows best.

And the sound of your voice is so comforting.  It’s like a song I’ve known since I was a kid.  Something that just feels so familiar that I trust it instinctively.  When you tell me to pose and show off my muscles, and you hold them, and you touch them, and you squeeze them, I just want to do it more.  When you say anything, it just feels so normal, so conversational.  There’s no reason to not to do it, you say, and I don’t even have to think about it anymore.  I don’t even know how much thinking I do or not do anymore.  I just turn and look at your face, at your eyes, at my hand in your hand, at your smile, and I know that I’m safe.  Sometimes I have to admit that I lose track of things sometimes.  That words don’t come out so good, or that I have questions or I’m confused, but I know that you’re there, and I know that your voice is my thoughts, and even if there’s another someone there, someone who asked me a question, a hard question - god, what questions aren’t hard - I can just look to you and you will say my thoughts for me.  What a relief.  What a cooling flow through my veins.  And there’s no need to fight - there’s no reason to fight that feeling - god, why would anyone fight that feeling? 

And sometimes it is difficult to tell who is talking, or if I’m even walking alone, or if I’m having a conversation with myself, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter.  As long as I follow the river, the murmuring river, the river will lead me out of the gray woods and back to big bro’s arms.  And I will open my eyes and see your smile and I will know that I’m home.

Today, I fucked up by getting my face smashed into my drivers side window.

So details you need before the story, I have to wear an apron for work with strings that are way to long(I have to wrap them around my body a few times before I tie them), I drive a small car, I drive on an expressway for work.

So I was running late for work, like tying your tie in the car late for work, so I was rushing and not paying attention to everything. And I forgot to wrap my apron ties around my body. In the beginning everything was fine I tied my tie at a stop light I ate my breakfast bagel. And then as I was pulling into the expressway, I felt a slight tug and realized my apron tie was hanging out of my door so I opened and then quickly closed my car thinking that, hey it’s tied around my waist it should hat fall back in the car, wrong. As I began to merge the string must have caught under my tire and it yanked my whole body against the car door and subsequently plastered my face up against the window. So I slowed down and pulled off onto the shoulder as people drive by and laughed at my face, smashed up against the car window. So yeah, TIFU!

TIFU: Internet`s best fucked up stories are here.

Code: Realize: Desk Calendar Cover 2015

The name is self-explanatory. The source is the official art book. The men look hot (especially Van) & and Cardia is gorgeous as ever (little black dress will work!). I keep seeing rabbit ears on Saint for some reason (don’t ask….I’m probably tired from this). Cleaning this up and merging both halves of the image was hell.

No matter how much I pressed on the spine of the book, I was unable to capture a portion of the gutter, which left me with having to get very creative on how to merge the two halves, make them look smooth while filling in what was missing. The end result? After zooming in so much and probably starting to loose perspective, I think the final edit came out very well considering it took me three days in total. Here’s to Code: Realize debuting in English on Oct. 20th. Cheers & enjoy!

If re-posting please credit to “flowermiko” at Tumblr or Twitter.  DO NOT UPLOAD TO ZEROCHAN. Thank you and enjoy!


make me choose
↳  inhisnameising asked: remus and tonks or lily and james

Confession #96 - Submitted by Anonymous.

Full Confession:

I ship Reylo but also support a Rey/Finn/Poe/Rose team-up happening at some point, even if it’s not until movie three. I’d also be perfectly fine if it only ever happens in an EU book. What I’m absolutely sick and tired of though is both certain Reylos and certain antis acting like I’m ‘silly’ or ‘delusional’ for hoping all of these relationships emerge at some point.

I don’t expect Reylo to end up being a sunshine and rainbows, happily-forever-after type fairy-tale romance, and I don’t expect Rey/Finn/Poe/Rose to end up as the Super Friends of the Resistance. But antis: if the newly-released poster in which Rey and Kylo’s lightsabers CLEARLY MERGE TOGETHER (and Rey herself is positioned in such a way as to mirror Kylo’s crossguard) doesn’t FIRMLY establish how important their connection’s going to be going forward, I don’t know what will.

And fellow Reylos–I’m allowed to want Rey to have significant relationships outside of Kylo and Luke. I’m allowed to want her to become close friends with Rose because with all the male ‘best-buddy’ friendships we’ve had in the saga, we still don’t really have any lady duos yet, and that’s a damn shame as far as I’m concerned. I don’t really expect it to happen in TLJ but we still have ONE OTHER MOVIE to go, and acting like a Rey/Finn/Poe/Rose alliance can’t happen AT ALL is incredibly short-sighted. ESPECIALLY since it would rhyme very nicely with the Luke/Leia/Chewie/Lando team-up to rescue Han in ROTJ.

To summarize, it would be REALLY. FREAKIN’. COOL if people on both sides stopped acting like they’re part of the Lucasfilm Storygroup and know for sure what they have planned going forward. Let people speculate/wish for whatever the heck they want without turning up your noses like we’re ALL twelve-year-olds writing fanfic. You’re not better or wiser for confining Rey to a small handful of relationships in this trilogy and beyond.

“Do You Know How Long I’ve Been In Love With You?” (Jay Park)

Requested by anon

Originally posted by jaywalkerzz

    You reclined your seat, closing your tired eyes as Jay merged onto the highway, the engine of his car purring subtly. It was the day after your wedding and you were off for your honeymoon; you were exhausted since you and Jay had been busy until very late last night. “You okay over there?” Jay asked, and then teased, “Did I wear you out too much?”

    “Maybe,” you replied, too comfortable and sleepy to be bothered to come up with a comeback. “But I’m not complaining.”

    “I’m never gonna forget last night,” he said after a few moments, slipping his hand into yours, his voice now sincere, and you knew he meant the heartfelt talk over glasses of wine at 3:30 AM and your innocent snuggling just before you fell asleep just as much as everything else .

    “Me neither,” you replied.

    “I still can’t believe you really agreed to marry me,” he said, and you looked at him, surprised.


    “I don’t know; it just seemed too good to be true. I mean, do you know how long I’ve been in love with you?”

    You shook your head, tracing your thumb back and forth across the back of Jay’s hand.

Keep reading

I’ll Make Love To You

Request: Virgin!Reader and Damon goes slow and gentle on her – Anon AND Hey I love your writing! Could you do a one shot where the reader and Damon are in bed and you have a night terror, so he tries to calm you down, but that doesn’t work. So he has to tire you out(sex) thanks. – Anon

Pairings: Damon x Reader

Warnings: swearing, smut

Word Count: 2477

I decided to merge two requests and it turned into a fluffy mess. PS: The song has nothing to do with this. I just wanted to title it that.

I’ll Make Love To You: Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

(gifs not mine, credits to owners)

You badly wanted to go home, aka, the Salvatore Boarding House. You’ve been stuck in the Grill with Tyler, Caroline, and Matt. You loved hanging out with your friends but, for God’s sake. You needed sleep. “Guys. Can I go home?” You whined. Caroline gave you her exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes. “So you can go back to your obnoxious boyfriend?” She asked. “You’re turning to him, (y/n).” She added. I pouted. “Damon’s not that obnoxious, well to me he isn’t.” you argued. “That’s cause you’re his girlfriend!” Caroline said.

Keep reading

  • <p> <b>what she says:</b> i'm fine<p/><b>what she means:</b> bighit that piece of shit has done it again. they done it again on my pretentious theorist ass which was certain seokjin's short film will be out but bighit got me again by releasing yoongi's instead. i should've seen it coming but they did another shit. yoongi's logo merged with jimin's and random ass clips of jimin's motherfucking bathtub made a cameo and there was whistling so is this yoonkook or yoonmin or are they going for yoonkookmin because i surely am not making any sense to myself. furthermore, his fucking short film is called first love what am i supposed to let my gay ass mind wander into when you merge yoonmin's logo together. and the last fucking circle is still untouched and i don't want to think anymore i am tired of expecting things and being proved wrong. i should live my life without expectations.<p/></p>
Things Genji and Zenyatta do when romancing each other

SFW things/Little-or-no sex headcanon

  • Holding hands
  • Leaning in or around or next to each other – sitting with their backs pressed together, leaning one’s head on the other’s shoulder or lap, lying down with one’s head in the other’s lap, etc.
  • They touch foreheads. The nine dots on Zenyatta’s forehead emit electromagnetic pulses at different frequencies and patterns depending on how he feels, and Genji’s sensors pick up on this, so it’s a very intimate experience.
  • Recharging together, or helping each other to recharge. If they aren’t in sleep mode while they research, they might play solitaire for the irony of it.
  • Genji likes to help Zenyatta refill his fuel and/or coolant reserves (fuel presuming he isn’t battery powered). This includes both serving his replenishments to him as he might have done in the monastery, or physically refilling his supplies for him.
  • Assuming Genji’s digestive system is not erased but greatly weakened, Zenyatta makes soft mushy foods or fluid foods that Genji is permitted to eat. He handfeeds him if he is ill or otherwise incapacitated or having a bad day.
  • Gardening. They have miniature gardens all over the base. Flowers go on windowsills and tables. Leafy plants in huge pots so they can show off their brilliant foliage, at the corners of various rooms. Ferns in darker rooms and crawlers over portions of the walls, over handrails and balustrades and fences. Succulents and cacti tucked wherever it’s possible. Bonsai on every bedside table, every shelf with empty place. Zenyatta had a terrarium phase. Their pet goldfish died so they started an aquatic garden in its tank.
  • Massaging over their sensor nodes, over thinner regions of plating, over the augmented muscle and cording. Sometimes Genyatta’s cabling gets disarrayed and Genji will help him arrange it back into order. Sometimes the joints between Genji’s augmented muscle will feel sore and Genyatta will massage those areas for him. Thin metal fingers are perfect for this.
  • Pulse massages/vibrating massages for the really bad days
  • Zenyatta weaves new scarves for Genji. He insists on a few in embroidered silk. Genji should take a page from his brother’s book, he says. It’ll look pretty on him, he says.
  • They really help each other with their frame upkeep, since they are the ones who understand it best. Cleaning, buffing, shining, making small adjustments where needed, fixing any issues with circuitry, repainting if it’s necessary – all of it that doesn’t require actual medical/engineering assistance.
  • One of their favourite poses is where they have a hand to the other’s chest, or a head on the other’s chest. For Genji, the former reminds him of his human heart and the latter reminds him of the genuine and intimate love and trust he shares with his Master. For Zenyatta, the former reinforces the belief that Omnics possess souls as well, and the latter allows him to comfort and protect and cherish Genji the way he wants to.
  • Meditating together
  • Taking long early morning or late afternoon walks with each other
  • Playing go or chess or other games of the like. They get very competitive and then make fun of each other for making it a competition. Sometimes they’ll devise new rules to play with to make the games more challenging, or to make it a pointless mess of a diversion because they both have a twisted sense of humour. If they’re playing board games with other characters, which they love to, they team up and do their utmost to ensure no one else can win, without actually attempting to win themselves, the little fuckers.
  • They light firecrackers together.
  • Genji braids new belts for Zenyatta, or re-braids his old ones if they fray.
  • Zenyatta gets a kick out of doing laundry and Genji gets a kick out of seeing him do it.
  • Genji really likes to play with Zenyatta’s orbs. It’s an affectionate gesture most of the time, but sometimes he’ll fiddle one (like a stress ball) if he’s anxious or restless and it’ll calm him down. Sometimes he’ll absently toy with one while he thinks about something, and sometimes he’ll study them with real wonder and amazement because his Master’s strength and abilities are a total mystery to him. Zenyatta indulges him but the answer as to whether he will juggle is always no. Genji tried once and Zenyatta ruined it for him by sneakily retracting the orbs one at a time to trip him up. (This idea is more or less taken from schmogg’s lovely sfm art.)
  • This is still a working theory, but depending on the extent of Genji’s cyborgification, he may be able to access, upload to and download from open networks/other systems? If that is the case, the most intimate act I can imagine Genji and Zenyatta doing is joining or merging their consciousnesses. It’s tiring and challenging for both of them, but it’s also one of those really powerful experiences they can claim for themselves that others cannot, and that means something to Genji.

NSFW things/Yes sex headcanon

  • They like to play with the sensitive spots in each other’s frames – Zenyatta’s orbs and dots, Genji’s scarf and antennae and the gaps between his armour
  • Their sex involves a lot of fingering and toys, besides primary sexual paraphernalia
  • Electric play
  • Circuit play
  • Denting as an indication of rough sex
  • Temperature play – considering the composition of their bodies there are some interesting they can do.
  • Playing with their power dynamic, which, yes is possible in any sort of relationship, but could be unique considering their history together.

anonymous asked:

Do you think Emma, her Hyde is Hook, that's why we see her clinging on to him, it would make seance fit with the scene when we see Hook used the dream catcher, it is really Emma trying to integrate herself again and not lying to herself, that's why there will be a marriage and when we see hook became sheriff it is Emma who as become whole again. Maybe he will vanish as they drive away. Heck even in the last ep they had Snow said hook is on his ship that ship as sailed... the real hook as died

There’s probably something in the FAQ about this. I think Hook is something like Emma’s Hyde, yes. Although I’d say it’s a little more complicated than that, but in the terms the show has given us…

I think them kissing and almost being tied to each other is - among other things - about the need to merge the pieces together. So it makes a large part of the audience tired of the romance itself while conveying the symbolism of them being part of the same person and merging. If I’m right about the symbolism their relationship should be over soon after their marriage.