but i want him to be hung like a god

What I’ve Done

Characters: Y/N Winchester (sister!reader), Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Warnings: Self doubt, self loathing, making wrong decisions. Canon typical.    

Word Count: 2200ish

A/N: This is 1 out of my 13 entries for @mamapeterson / @mrs-squirrel-chester’s Album Fanfiction Challenge where I chose the album “Smoke and Mirrors” by Imagine Dragons. The song prompt for this fic is: Hopeless Opus

This is kinda a rewrite of the ep The Man That Would Be King. I changed and took out a few things to fit in my reader but it is very much based on the ep. I stole and rephrased some of Castiel’s monologue from that ep as well. I do not claim to own any of that writing.

Thanks so much to the amazingly sweet @bkwrm523 for betaing this for me. I love you Sara!

The expression on her face, when she realized he had been lying to them for almost a year was burned into his mind. It was all he saw, no matter where he went or what he did. The hurt, pained expression on her face. His betrayal had hurt them all. His betrayal had angered them all.

For such a long time it had been so clear to Castiel he was doing the right thing. Working with Crowley had been a necessary evil. It had been the only way and Castiel knew the Winchesters would never have understood that. Nor should they have too. They stopped one apocalypse and now the angels or a portion of them anyway, was trying to start another. Castiel had never been more ashamed in his life. Y/N and Dean had lost a brother to this war. A brother Castiel unsuccessfully had tried to bring back. Y/N had gone to school and Dean had found love. They moved on. They deserved to have lives. Castiel hadn’t wanted to disrupt them but he had watched. He had thought about asking for their help so many times. He knew it was his best option, but he couldn’t. Dean looked peaceful and Y/N looked happy. Castiel knew they missed Sam, but it was his choice to not contact them and to keep hunting on his own. Or so Castiel had thought back then. He hadn’t realized it wasn’t all of Sam he had pulled out of the cage. He hadn’t realized until it was too late. As soon as Dean learned about Sam’s missing piece, he had called his sister back in. Castiel had not shown himself but she has watched the anger and pain on her face as she faced her oldest brother. The same pain he had watched on Dean’s face when he had realized Bobby had known about Sam being back, had been written all over Y/N’s face as she confronted Dean.

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I would never ever turn down a man like him. 😉Lick him, he wants your thorough attention. You’ll be surprised he is a gentle beast 😬😱😍

Meet Jordanian Muscle Tease Ali.

💯% Prime Arab Beef 💪🏻☑️
💯% Muscle God 🏋🏼☑️
💯% Muscle Hunk 🙌🏻☑️

<<Spread the love ——- Like and share these Arab gods>>


Request: I would love if you could write something sibling related! I’m a twin (I have a brother) and I think Negan would be a fun but way Overprotective Big brother. Maybe a day at The Sanctuary with Negan and his twin sister who likes Dwight. - @cherieann-2001

Pairings: Negan x Reader, Negan x Twin Sister!Reader, Dwight x Reader

Warnings: language.

Waltzing outside the doors of the Sanctuary, you were greeted by the brisk, warm air. Smiling to yourself, you hummed a quiet tune as you walked around, admiring your home. Sure it wasn’t the most beautiful place, but it was home to you, your brother, and a numerous handful of others. While entranced with your walk, you slammed into something and huffed a breath.

Your brother stood in front of you, with his usual shit-eating grin. Lucille was slung loosely over his shoulder as he whistled quietly. He slung his free arm over your shoulder and started to walk with you on your original path. You rolled your eyes as he walked with you.

“How is my favorite twin sister today?” Negan asked you, grinning at the Saviors that kneeled as the two of you walked by them. You shoved his arm off of your shoulder and punched him in the upper arm.

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All Started With a Song Part 9 // Conor Maynard

Word Count- 1058

Summary- conor sees your cover and contacts you

A/n- (feel free to change the friends name I was just too lazy to write y/f/n that may times) haha so here is the long overdue part 9! im thinking there will be two more parts but that all depends on where i take it. also have no idea when they’ll be up. hope you enjoy!


“How could you?” you whispered, then shoved past him running down the hall, down the stairs and out the front door. You had no idea where you where, but you couldn’t be there.

What the fuck just happened?

Conor was here. But why?

Back in the room Alice was freaking out.

“Liv, go find Y/n.” she said, still sitting in her spot on the couch.

“Okay,” she said, running out the door. She made sure to push Conor a little on her way out while muttering something that sounded like ‘jackass.’

“Bro, what the fuck did you just do?” Anth said, walking up to Conor.

“I was going to apologize,” he sighed.

“I’m on my way,” Conor said, immediately getting up and heading to his room.

“Wait, what?”

“I’m on my way. I’ll be in LA by tomorrow.”

“But why?”

“To apologies to Y/n, why else?” Conor answered, grabbing his suitcase.

“I don’t know, it just kind of seems like…” Anth trailed off.

“Like what?” Conor asked, grabbing a few t-shirts.

“It sounds like you love her bro.”

Conor froze where he was, “What? No! I don’t love her! I just need to apologize! I swear.”

“Okay,” Anth chuckled. “But I’m not sure I’m the one you need to convince.”

Anth hung up and just stood there. He didn’t love her, he was IN love with her.


“Apologize???” Alice stood up, furious. “You wanted to apologize??”

“Yes?” Conor said, slightly scared.

“God, you’re such a fucking prick!” she threw her hands up.

“How?” he said, flinching when she glared him.

“What exactly were you going to apologize for? Hmm?” she said, stepping even closer to the man who broke her best friend’s heart.

“For ruining the collab,” he said. “Wasn’t the obvious?”

After he said that, Alice just lost it.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You only had one thing to apologize?? God you’re so thick!” She began pacing the room. “How about how you ruined that collab. Or lying to face saying you forgot? Or how about unadding her on everything? Like can you be any more of a child. And right when she’s about to move on…” she walked up to Conor, poking his chest her between every word. “You. Fucking. Like. Her. Picture.”

“You’re right,” he sighed. “I need to apologize for everything.”

“You don’t get it do you?!?” she continued due to his questioning look “You fucking broke her. You broke Y/n. More than once. She cries in the shower because she thinks we can’t hear her in there. She won’t cry in front of us because she doesn’t want us to know how hurt she really is. She can’t even say your fucking name because it hurts so much. She blocked me out, her best fucking friend. All because of you. You broke her. And the only way you can fix it is by leaving her alone and letting her heal.”

By now Conor was upset, he hadn’t cried yet. But he was close.

“I was jealous okay?!?! I thought she liked me but then she started getting short with me and then I saw the guy on her Instagram! I was jealous and thought I should make her jealous too! I regretted it the second I saw what I did to her! I didn’t know what to do! So stop making me relive the worst mistake I ever made!” he was shouting. He didn’t meant to, he knew Alice was just defending you. But he couldn’t help it.

“Believe me,” he sighed. “I fucked up and I just need her to know I’m sorry.”

“Give me one good reason as to why I should let you anywhere near her.”

“Because I’m in love with her,” he sighed in defeat. “I am in love with Y/n and I need to tell her.”


You and Olivia had made your way back to hotel. But only after you went to the store nearby to get ice-cream.

You two were currently sat on the ground of the balcony outside your room. You were on a high enough floor that you could see all the way to the ocean, something you had to see before you left.

“So, wanna talk?” Olivia said, taking another bite of ice cream.

“Honestly? I don’t know what to say,” you laughed.

“He came all the way to LA,” she started.

“I know, but he’s ignored me the past two weeks. Why would he do something so drastic?”

“I don’t know babe. Maybe Anth will find out for us,” she wriggled her eyebrows.

You laughed again, “Maybe.”

“But in all seriousness, how are you?” Her tone had changed.

“I mean, I’m okay,” you started. “At least I thought I was. You know what pisses me off the most though?”


“I actually thought I was getting over him, then I saw him in person. And…” you sighed. “And I realized that I really am still head over heels for him.”

You heard the sliding glass door that lead to the balcony open and saw Alice walk out.

“Hey babes,” she smiled as she sat down against the railing that kept anyone from falling off. “What’d I miss?”

“Y/n still likes Conor,” Olivia said, handing her ice cream and spoon to the brunette.

You couldn’t look at either of them. So instead, you looked at the ocean. It was beautiful. Like nothing you’d ever seen, especially with the sunset. You saw as the tide came in and then retreated back. It was like you and Conor to be honest. You wanted so badly to not like him. He’s given you so many reasons not to. But right when you think you’re over him, you realize you’re not.

He came all the way to bloody California just too tell you that he’s sorry.

And you would’ve forgiven him, but he had ignored you for the two weeks prior to this. Maybe he only apologized because he realized that you were moving on. Maybe he’s still using you. Maybe he just wants your body. Maybe he’s going to leave you all over again.

“Babe, please don’t cry,” Alice whispered, wrapping her arm around your shoulder.

You hadn’t realized that you were crying.

But you had realized something.

You loved Conor, but you weren’t sure if you could forgive him.

And that scared you.


Yoongi looked up from his spot on the couch.

How would you know that’s true? He asked, his voice significantly smaller than it had been moments ago.

From these. You showed him a packet of records. From what you could comprehend, Yoongi’s father had been training and using Yoongi to hack into various government systems around the world. At a young age, Yoongi had tested with a higher IQ and his father ran with it, ultimately letting Yoongi take the fall.

So I can’t hack into my own records, but you can look at other files of mine? Yoongi asked and you shook your head.

I wasn’t looking for you, I was looking through logs to see how to handle people with your personality and I stumbled on your name. Why didn’t you tell me who your father was? You tried to figure it out for the nights leading up to today, but nothing made sense. He had a different name and his father wasn’t known to have a family.

I took my mother’s name at birth. I’m a bastard to my father and I was used like a militant child. They sat me in a room and tested me for various abilities. Finally, when I hacked into that guy’s account in high school, my father realized what they could use me for. So I began working in the government, hacking into security servers and formulating data so that the government could blackmail. You watched as Yoongi angrily spouted off his frustrations. His father seemed like a horrible politician who wanted nothing more than to control him and the country. A part of you cracked. You had been subjected to similar issues, your mother using you as a permanent test subject. But I got so tired of watching the citizens of my own country get fucked over. I cracked. I finally went off and released documents.

You went after your father. You said in a dazed way. You looked at Yoongi, who had his head hung.

He’s old, he doesn’t deserve me going after him like that. Although he treated me like shit, I’m still his kid. For the first time, you saw remorse in Yoongi’s action. A sweet side to a rather bitter man. But a part of you was angered by this.

How could you say that? He’s a horrible man for doing that. God, I thought that I wanted you to show remorse, but there’s a huge part of me that wants to beat the shit out of your dad. You responded, you didn’t have any idea what had gotten into you. Tears welled up in your eyes and your vision went red. I … I … UGH. You slammed your fist down on the coffee table and Yoongi let out a bit of a chuckle.

Hold on there, little miss feisty. I did what I could, but I paid for it. The people now have access to the documents and can see how the government fucked them over. I did my deed. He shrugged and you watched him lay back like he had done for the past week and close his eyes.

Oh shut the fuck up. You spat and Yoongi opened his eyes and looked at you. You continue to behave poorly. You’re not content with your circumstances, but you’re playing the noble hero card. You scoffed and Yoongi sat up, looking you dead in the eye. Huh, well, today’s session is over. You pointed to the clock and Yoongi continued to stare you in the eye. Not making any movements to leave, Yoongi just sat there, his gaze not budging from yours. You started to stand, when Yoongi reached out and grabbed your hand. You eyed the button that sat on the table next to you, it was meant for security situations, if you pushed it, the guards would rush in. Your mind contemplated pushing it, but Yoongi saw you look and quickly dropped your hand.

I’m not a bad guy. I just wanted you to know that. This entire experience hasn’t been the worst thing to happen to me, in a way, I’m free because I’m here. I’m not under my father’s constant watch. So I’m not remorseful because in a way, this opened doors for me. He shrugged again, but you saw something else in his eyes.

Okay. Well we can pick this up on Friday. You said and Yoongi’s eyes shot up at you.

Friday? Why Friday? Why aren’t you here for the week? He erupted with a myriad of questions. His eyes darted around the room and you realized so much from that small interaction.

You need to calm down. I’m going to come back. You reassured him, but he didn’t seem completely convinced. You realized that within a week, Yoongi had formed a connection to you. He saw you as a constant in his world and someone who was willing to vouch for him. Sitting back down, you timidly took hold of Yoongi’s hand. I have some connections of my own in the government and I think I have a case to help you. You said quietly. Yoongi looked into your eyes and it felt as though a scared child was staring back. A piece of your heart broke as you looked deep into his eyes.

A case? He asked and you nodded.

Everyone is in here for a reason that they caused, but a person who is forced to do a crime is seen as innocent and the person who forced them into the crime is the guilty one. You said before letting go of his hand and standing up again. Yoongi sat there, his eyes staring at an empty part of the room, and you could tell his mind was racing. Yoongi, you have to leave my office now. You said and he stood up only giving you a small wave and exiting without a word.

You packed up your things. The next day you made your way to your friend’s office, sitting in front of him, you laid out the case.

So Min Yoongi, the convicted government hacker, is actually innocent? Y/N, I thought you usually helped people that are insane, but looks like you’re the insane one here. You rolled your eyes.

Look at his documents, his statements don’t make sense. The government changed his transcripts so it made it look like he worked alone. I swear he’s innocent, his dad is the one who put him up to this. You ran your mouth at your friend who sat back in his chair.

I’m a second year at this firm, I can’t be bringing a case against one of the top government officials, saying that his illegitimate son was used as a pawn and that he’s actually a horrible man while his son is innocent! I’ll end up jobless! You looked at him and pleaded.

But that’s exactly what happened! You yelled and your friend looked around. Giving a sigh, he held out his hand.

Give me the documents, but don’t be upset if this goes nowhere. He said in an exasperated tone and you gladly tossed the documents to him.

This was the beginning of the trial of the century.

Addicted part 5 - Jughead x Reader

A/N: Part 5 is here guys!!! I will be having a wee break (tiny I swear) from this and Endgame, just so I can do requests and maybe find some prompts and such for you guys!!! Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Warnings: Same as the others <3

Word count: 1890

Jones.” Reggie said sternly, “Come with me now. We have to talk”  Jughead looked at his friends confused, but he followed Reggie’s orders, he followed Reggie outside, “What do you want Mantle?” he asked.

Reggie held his hand out and dropped the Tramadol pill into Jughead’s hand, “We need to talk about Y/N” Jughead looked at the pill then Reggie confused. Reggie then explained what state he found you in the night before.

You slept through the day and you awoke to the sound of the front door slamming, you groaned as you picked up your phone to look at the time.


It was late, Jughead must’ve been working on the Blue and Gold late with Betty, whatever, you thought, they can have each other.

You checked all your notifications, 5 texts from Reggie, you text him back telling him you fell asleep and you were save, you thanked him again for being so nice.

The sound of your door slamming open jolted you out of bed, you turned to your door and saw Jughead, “Jughead what the fu-”

“You know my dad?” he screamed, Reggie, you thought.

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We Need To Break Up

The moment you realized that you were no longer your own person, you knew things needed to change.

Without even realizing it, you had gone from being Y/N to being Y/N and Joe.

And that felt wrong to you, because you had always told yourself that you would never be one of those girls, one who was defined by her boyfriend. Yet here you were, being exactly what you had vowed to never become.

It wasn’t that you didn’t love Joe, or your time with him. Because you did. To both statements.

He had made you feel special and loved, like you were the only person in the world, but he had become an unmovable constant in your life, and you never had time to be you.

Which lead to you making one of the most difficult decisions you ever had to.

“We need to break up.”

The words slipped from your mouth one night, while you and Joe were cleaning up after dinner.

Of course, you had been rehearsing what you were going to say over the last few days, but you were also waiting for the weekend, knowing Joe had a busy week.

Yet for some reason, your mind decided that they needed to be said right here and right now.

“What?” He lowered the plate in his hand, staring over at you in shock. His blue eyes swirled with confusion and hurt.

“I’m sorry.”

“You just said we need to break up…and now you’re apologizing?”

“I didn’t meant to say it now.”

“And when did you mean to say it?” Joe leaned his hip against the counter, his arms crossing tightly against his chest.

“This weekend,” You admitted. “When you weren’t busy.”

“Right,” He nodded slowly. “I’m still confused. I thought we were happy. I thought you were happy.”

“I was. I am.” You corrected yourself quickly, “I love being with you, Joe. I really do.”

“Then why do we have to break up?”

“Because I’ve lost myself. I’m not my own person any more. We’ve become a person, and I just don’t know how I feel about that. I feel…I feel trapped.”

The word hung heavily between you two, but it was the truth, you realized. You were feeling trapped in the relationship.

“Have I done something wrong? Did I do something to make you feel like this?” He asked, and you could see the guilt settling over him.

“No, gods, no. Joe, you have been amazing, and loving, and so wonderful.” You stepped closer, rubbing his arms lightly. “And I do love you, and all that you’ve done for me.”

“But you want to break up.”

“I shouldn’t feel trapped with someone I love.”

“No,” He sighed, pushing himself off of the counter, his arms falling to his side, “You shouldn’t.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you either, Y/N.” His fingers danced with yours. “So alright, we’ll break up.”

“Thank you. For understanding. For being you.”

“If after you find yourself, and think you still love me, you know where to find me.” Joe smiled softly at you, and you felt a smile grow on your face as well.

“Yes, yes I do. And you will be the first one I tell if I still love you.”

Your foreheads fell together, a silent understanding passing between the two of you.

“Will you stay, just for tonight?” He asked quietly.


“I love you.”

“And I still love you, Joe.”

“But you need to find yourself.”



He leaned in, kissing you once more.

A final kiss goodbye.

A kiss of promise.

A kiss of understanding.

Stupid Misunderstanding

Requested by @belleorleslie - Can you do a liam/reader where liam is jealous of how the reader interacts with brett? With a fluffy ending please 💕 (sorry for sending so many requests omg)
As I jogged up the stairs of my house, walking to my bedroom, a smile spread across my face. I had gotten the answer I had been spending all week trying to get and I was beyond excited to text Mason to tell him. When I opened my bedroom door, I hit the light next to the door frame and walked in my room shutting the door behind me. I felt a pair of eyes on me, my heart falling to the pit of my stomach before I turned my head to the left to see Liam standing in my room, looking out my window, with his arms crossed. I let out a sigh of relief and a chuckle before I walked towards my bed.
“You could have told me, that you were there. You nearly gave me a heart attack.” I said sitting on the edge of my bed, plugging my phone into my charger, kicking my shoes off before sitting Indian style. I looked over at Liam who was still gazing into the darkness of the night time, whenever Liam and I usually hang out, he is a chatterbox. I have just been so busy with Brett this week that him and I haven’t hung out since last Friday night.
“Liam? Are you okay?” I asked, getting worried as to why he wasn’t saying anything or even looking in my direction. He just chuckled, turning on his heel and walking towards me, but still not looking at me. I turned my head slightly like a dog, confused as to what was going on.
“You didn’t seem to care if I was okay at all this week, why should it matter now?” He asked, his eyes finally meeting mine, his eyes brimmed with tears. I immediately jumped up from the bed and walked over to him, trying to reach out to grab his arm, but he took two steps back, causing me to freeze.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, knowing that he was talking about Brett. Brett and Liam had some bad blood but he was okay with Mason talking to him, but I couldn’t? In all honesty, I really hadn’t thought about Liam this week, which was beyond strange for me, seeing as he is all I thought about, all of the time.
“You know exactly what I am talking about. Do you really need me to say it?” Liam asked, looking down at the ground again, causing me to sigh and nod, even though he couldn’t see it. Liam took my silence as a yes and began pacing my room, looking everywhere but me, while doing so.
“You and Brett. What’s going on between you two? I mean, one minute you are arm and arm with me, walking to History and the next you are sitting outside school with Brett, giggling like a little school girl.” He said making me scoff and shake my head back and forth. I hadn’t paid Liam a lot of attention this week but I was only doing it to help out Mason.
“I mean, I thought you and I had something, I thought you really cared about me and when I finally earn enough courage to tell you how I feel about you, I walk into school to see you and Brett flirting with one another! Touching his arm and laughing at his every joke and giving each other ‘googoo’ eyes!” He yelled, taking me by surprise, his eyes beginning to glow a slight yellow tint, his anger and jealousy boiling up inside him.
“For god sakes (Y/N), I’m in love with a girl who likes the typical hot guy. What does he have that I don’t? I mean sure, he is taller than be but he is an asshole! I don’t understand, I just don’t get it!” He yelled, once more, his pacing coming to a stop in front of me, our eyes meeting for the first time since he started his little rant.
“I don’t know why I came here! You have something with him and I’m just the boy who thought that you liked me! I’m such an idiot! Why did I ever think that you wo-“ Liam started but I cut him off by grabbing his face with both my hands and crashing my lips to his. His hands still in the hair, his whole body freezing in shock. When I felt him not kiss back, I pulled away and took a step back from him. Now it was my turn to talk.
“I love you Liam. I only hung out with Brett this week, to find out if he was into Mason. Mason practically begged me to. I hated the idea, I don’t like Brett at all, certainly not in the way you are thinking. God, I love you so much. I didn’t want to spend time with Brett, I wanted to spend time with you.” I said, looking at Liam the whole time who just stood there in disbelief. His eyes, back to normal color, tears gone, his arms at his side, eyes locked with mine.
“You are all I want Liam, I don’t care about anyone else the way that I care about you. I would never intentionally hurt you. Hell, it hurt me knowing that I had to ignore you. I’m glad you came here, and I’m glad you said all of these things because I was going to text Mason tonight and tell him I was done and then I was going to rush over to your house and tell you everything, down to how I felt about you, but I guess you beat me to it.” I said, breaking eye contact with him, feeling vulnerable all of a sudden. I could feel my eyes start to water but before I could do anything about it, I felt one of Liam’s hands under my chin, urging me to look at him while the other rested on my hip, pulling me closer to him.
“You love me?” He asked, the hand that was on my chin, now cupping my face. I just nodded, knowing that my voice would break if I tried to talk. Liam, rested his forehead on mine, his hand now in my hair, while one of my hands reached up to touch his neck and jawline as he kissed my nose softly. Once tear fell from my eye which Liam wiped away as soon as it fell and pecked my lips a few times.
“I. Love. You.” He said in between each kiss before he kissed me for longer than the other kisses. It was like when I kissed him but he was kissing back this time. Our lips moved in sync, both our emotions running high from what had just happened. We broke apart with a smile on each of our faces.
“I’m sorry I yelled, I was just jealous. I thought Brett was stealing you from me.” He said causing me to shake my head.
“No one could ever do that. I’m sorry I ignored you for a week.” I said causing him to hum at my apology but his smile grew wider at my words. The rest of the night, we traded sweet nothings, while cuddling in my bed. At some point during the night I heard Liam, snoring softly in my ear as he spooned me, making me smile sleepily as I was wrapped up in the arms of the boy that I loved. Liam does really mean the world to me, and no one will ever change that.

anonymous asked:

Enjoltaire You’re always late to breakfast and usually I enjoy watching you run in five minutes before the hall closes but today you didn’t even show up and I had to see why not. That’s why I’m at your door with a plate of waffles

Enjolras coming to R’s door with a to-go box of waffles and juice and just
“Hey uh hi you didn’t come to breakfast so I got worried and I saw you hung out with Courf sometimes so I asked him for your room number because I wanted to drop off some food..”

And R is like
Bundled up
Sick probably
Staring at Enjolras
Like he’s a fucking god of breakfast

i don’t know how

as always, i don’t identify as ace and am open to revision if i get something wrong.

Tango is so, so confused.

He got what he wanted last night. He thinks. At least, it’s what he thought he wanted. He was sitting with Whiskey, and Whiskey was laughing at him (the good kind of laughing, Tango’s pretty sure), and all at once the smile fell off Whiskey face and he was leaning in and laying a hand on Tango’s face. And then Whiskey was kissing him, Whiskey’s lips warm and sweet on his. Tango’s heart had sped up and flown to his throat, and he’d kissed back, as well as he could. He didn’t know what kind of kisses felt good, because kisses … well, they were nice, but they weren’t the right kind of nice, somehow.

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Are You Trying to Make Me Hate You? (Loki x reader)

childishheart said: 19 (Are you trying to make me hate you?) with Loki

snooper1 said: aaa i love the prompts there’s so many i wanna choose but i think 20 (I don’t think I can stop thinking about you) with loki would be gr8

Sequel to Kneel Before Me

“(Y/N)?” Thor called out, peeking his head into the library but getting no reply.  He moved on to the gym, the kitchen, the lounge, and finally to the balcony where you were sitting quietly and reading on your one day off from the team.  “(Y/N), might I join you for a moment?”

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I Can’t Save Her: Part 17

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Violence Against Women (Unintentional) 

Word Count: 1871

Catch Up Here

Summary: You have been with the Avengers for three years and during that time you have developed a close friendship with Bucky. When you discover another woman in Bucky’s room you begin to question what your true feelings for him are.

Author’s Notes: So the next few parts were pretty tough for me to write, because I had enjoyed the fluff run. What I will say is this – I planned for this to happen and we aren’t close to the end of the story. I listened to a handful of songs on repeat while writing this chapter. Primarily (for the Harry Potter inclined): “He’s Listening to you Tina” from Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and Dumbledore’s Farewell from Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince. Tags are at the bottom!

I love your comments, messages, asks, likes, reblogs – all of it. <3

Originally posted by duckbuttt

Originally posted by stupidteletubbie

Originally posted by dailybuckybarnes

I reached out sleepily for Bucky. When my grasp came up short I remembered that he was gone. I sighed heavily, and turned to lay on my back. As I stared at my ceiling I couldn’t help but feel a sense of foreboding. I hadn’t wanted to analyze Bucky’s response last night when I had finally tried to push him to tell me what was going on, but now it was all I could think about. I wasn’t naïve, of course, I knew that we would always have secrets from each other because it was in the nature of being an Avenger – it just came with the territory. But this seemed different. I couldn’t quite reason out his reaction. He didn’t just say no – his body language, his tone, and everything else about him completely shut down when prompted for an answer. It had felt like the happiness at Clint’s and the holidays had slammed shut and suddenly we were walking on uneven ground again. I tried to shrug off most of it, but I found it impossible. Suddenly there was a knock on my door that caused me to jump. “Come in,” I muttered grumpily.

Tony strolled into the room and sat at the corner of my bed. “Hey kiddo – we need to talk really quick,” he said seriously. I swallowed hard – I guess my intuition was still right on point. I slowly opened one eye to look at him. “So Collin Henry…”

“Who?” I asked sleepily.

He rolled his eyes in annoyance. “You know – the guy you put in a chokehold and punched in the nose…”

I sighed. “Oh him… continue.”

Tony shook his head in slight disapproval. “Well I think you’ve made quite a formidable enemy for yourself. Or should I say us… I had to do some sweet talking because they wanted to march up to Barnes’ room and arrest you on the spot. Luckily, I managed to talk his father down. You can’t leave the city for a bit until I can deliver on my promises to Collin’s dad. If you do they are threatening to press charges and they have a pretty compelling case.” He frowned as he crossed his arms. I closed my eyes with an audible sigh. Tony made no notion that he was going to leave. “What’s up with you today?” he asked concern. “No witty comebacks, or smartass remarks?”

“Something is wrong… I don’t know what it is but I can feel it,” I said miserably as I turned in the bed to look at him. “Tony… something with these missions that Bucky has been going on… it’s just not right. Every time he has to leave something about him changes. His body language… the way he acts… everything.”

Tony was quiet for a moment. I could tell he was thinking through everything I had told him. “Have you ever thought that maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to leave you?” He asked seriously. I sat up and was about to protest but he held out a hand to silence me so he could continue, “Y/N, do you love him? Because I know the look of a man that’s in love… a man that’s afraid of losing everything because he feels like he isn’t worthy of it… Barnes has that look. He’s had it for awhile, but only recently has it become so noticeable. I know because I’ve had that… I’ve lost that… almost all of us have. Barnes has never been given the opportunity of having this or experiencing it… and I assure you he’s scared as hell of losing it.”

I sat in silence for a moment. “Tony… I want to believe it’s just that… but…”

“Have you ever thought that maybe you are equally as afraid of losing it?” Tony interrupted. “Listen kid, take it from someone who tried so hard to keep it from happening that he jeopardized everything… just…. just be happy, okay?” he smiled sadly as he asked. He stood up and patted me on the back before strolling out of the room. As he closed the door behind him he said, “Remember the deal – don’t leave the city until I can get this taken care of.”

I sighed as I rolled on my back and drifted to sleep

I awoke suddenly with a start. It had been a few days since Bucky had been gone and I hadn’t heard from him. I turned to look at the alarm clock – its neon numbers showed 1:00 a.m. I sighed as my eyes adjusted to the dim light. Suddenly I jolted upright in the bed. In the corner with his feet propped up on my ottoman and a blanket falling off of him as he slept was Bucky. Even from the distance I could tell that something was bothering him as he slept. I quietly slipped out of the bed and walked over to him. “Buck?” I whispered as I rested my hand on his. His eyes opened at the contact and his body tensed. He stared at me in silence for a moment. “Why didn’t you come to bed?”

He looked from the bed to me for a second as if the ability to form a response had escaped him. He looked exhausted. It was obvious that he needed to sleep in something other than a chair. He smiled at me sadly. “I didn’t want to wake you… I just needed to see you and I sat down and I guess I fell asleep…” he sighed as he pushed himself up from the chair. He touched my face affectionately and turned to leave.

“Buck?” I called after him quietly. He stopped at the sound of my voice but didn’t turn to face me. “Will you stay?”

With a sigh he turned around. His face was full of doubt, but I couldn’t understand why. After a pause he responded, “I think I better go to my room for the night… I’ll keep you up.” He was out the door before I could even open my mouth to argue. I sat on my bed in a huff – I hated feeling like all of my worrying had been justified. I felt like I was just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me and there was nothing I could do about it.

I laid back down and closed my eyes. I could feel the cool metal of Bucky’s ring on my hand – instead of a reminder it felt like a weight that was hell bent on sinking me to the bottom of whatever hole I was drifting down. Finally, my mind became too tired to process or question his behavior any further and I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

I woke to screaming. I didn’t even have to take time to think – I knew it was Bucky. I ran down the hallway to his room. I could hear the others stirring in their rooms from the noise as I passed. I opened Bucky’s door to find him laying in his bed, eyes closed, body covered in sweat, and thrashing about as he screamed in pain. He had had a lot of night terrors since I knew him but nothing compared to this. “Buck,” I said as I tried to calm him. “Buck it’s Y/N. I’m here.” As he continued to mutter and scream I gripped both of his arms tightly and gently shook him.

“No! It’s not true!” he screamed as his hand suddenly latched around my neck. I could feel his grip tighten as I clawed helplessly—drawing blood in the process. My struggling only made his reaction worse. I could feel myself losing consciousness as I struggled to breathe.

“Buck… please,” I tried to say but it came out as silence as I helplessly moved my lips. My head was spinning and my sight was darkening. I tried one last time with all of my strength to break away but it was no use.

“Dammit Buck!” Steve yelled as he frantically ran into the room and attempted to break the grasp he had on me.

“It’s a lie!” Bucky roared and suddenly I found myself flying from the side of the bed into the wall. I hit it with quite a bit of force and crumpled onto the ground. In the moments before losing consciousness I looked up at Bucky’s horror stricken face –

and then everything faded into darkness.

I tentatively opened one eye to see where I was. At first I thought it was a hospital with all the machines around me. Upon further inspection I realized that it was luckily just my room. I assumed the lab equipment that I was now attached to was Tony’s doing. I wasn’t sure how long I had been unconscious or the exact extent of my injuries. I looked around the room until my eyes rested on Bucky. His eyes were pressed shut as he reclined with the back of his head resting on the wall. He looked like he was in so much pain – all I wanted to do was reach out and comfort him.

I tried to talk but found the act too difficult. I slowly lifted my hand and rested it on his. His eyes immediately opened, and he looked down at me with concern. I smiled up at him. There were tears in his eyes as he tried to keep all of his emotions in check. I squeezed his hand to let him know I was okay. My head hurt. My body felt like it was covered in bruises, and it hurt to breathe but I was okay, and it absolutely wasn’t his fault. I could already tell the scenarios he was playing in his head by the look on his face.

“Y/N,” his voice was soft and sad. “I’m… I’m so sorry,” he said as he hung his head in shame. “I… god… the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you… And I did it…. I almost killed you,” he was trying to keep his composure but his voice waivered at the end. I squeezed his hand but he flinched. I could tell that mere physical contact was making him uncomfortable so I let go of him.

“Buck,” I finally managed to rasp. He looked at me sadly with his hands in his lap. “This isn’t your fault… those… those missions…” I struggled to get all the words out. I needed him to know I didn’t blame him, but the look on his face shattered my heart into a thousand pieces. There was no convincing. “I love you,” I whispered.

“Sometimes love isn’t enough…” he whispered as he stood up and began to walk towards the door. “I shouldn’t have come back,” I heard him mutter under his breath and suddenly he was gone.

The physical pain was nothing compared to how I felt inside. I wanted to tell him everything would be okay – I wanted him to believe it. Tears welled in my eyes and slid down my cheeks. I closed my eyes – I needed an escape even if it was only temporary. Through the haze of sadness and pain I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

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Dating Stiles Stilinski would include...

Anonymously requested

Originally posted by teenwolfobsessed

  • Starting out as friends
  • Him being extremely nervous around you
  • Literally everyone in the pack knowing about his feelings for you and constantly trying to get him to do something about it 
  • Scott trying to help Stiles get over his fear and just talk to you
  • Lydia bringing you over to the group constantly, the two of you becoming close
  • You fitting in with the pack
  • Stiles warming up to you and becoming less nervous
  • You knowing he likes you causing you to tease him a lot
  • Flirting
  • Sarcastic comments
  • Sarcastic flirting
  • Being asked out on a date by a flustered and babbling stiles
  • You cutting him off with a kiss on the cheek
  • Hand holding
  • Tight hugs
  • Kisses on the head, forehead and nose (his way of keeping you close)
  • A life full of laughter
  • Jawline kisses
  • Star Wars marathons (’Ready for round two babe?’ - ‘Is that even a question?!’)
  • Passionate make out sessions
  • Him always making sure you’re safe
  • His hand having a resting place on your lower back and mid thigh
  • Him placing your legs on him almost every time you sit or lay down
  • Lydia prepping you for hours before your dates 
  • Stiles constantly in awe of your beauty, inside and out
  • Stealing his flannels and jackets
  • A lot of cuddling (him usually being the little spoon)
  • Becoming the ‘it’ couple of the pack and the school
  • Being apart of the pack and knowing everyone’s secrets and promising to keep them
  • Helping the pack on missions
  • Helping stiles cope through night terrors
  • Singing him back to sleep
  • Massages
  • ‘Studying’ together
  • Nicknames (You- Angel, babe, baby, sweetheart, beautiful, my girl. Him- Sti, babe, hun, stilinski)
  • Staying up all night worrying about his safety
  • Begging him some nights to stay with you instead of going out on dangerous missions with the pack
  • Reassurance and trust
  • You being his ‘anchor’ and the only reason he keeps fighting
  • Loving each other completely
  • A lot of sex
  • Roasting each other and the other pack members
  • Lydia becoming like your sister
  • Movie nights
  • A lot of kissing, everywhere
  • Becoming like Scotts little sister
  • Having an amazing relationship with the Sheriff
  • Always having each others backs (’I still can’t believe Scott hasn’t watched Star Wars yet’-’I KNOW RIGHT?!?!’)
  • Tender kisses and other forms of affection
  • His sweet spot being his jawline and you constantly teasing him about it
  • ‘I love you angel’ - ‘Eh, You’re alright’ - ‘You better say you love me right now’ - ‘Just a joke, god stilinski., but I love you too. So, so much’
  • Sheriff constantly joking on how he has no idea how Stiles caught such a lovely lady like yourself
  • Stiles completely agreeing causing you to list every single reason why you love him, ending each reason with a kiss on the lips
  • Bone and Vein tracing
  • Watching Disney movies and getting up to belt them
  • ‘You’re my girl’ - ‘Wouldn’t want to be anyone elses’
  • Never not some form of physical contact
  • Stiles looking at you like you hung the stars and planets just for him
  • Looking at Stiles as the center of your universe
  • Planning your future together
  • Promises
  • ‘I don’t know what I would be with out you’ - ‘And you’ll never have to find out’
  • Falling asleep on his chest 
  • Him playing with your hair while lightly rubbing your arms
  • Being each others soul mates and never doubting each other
  • Supporting him at every single one of his lacrosse games
  • Wearing his jersey
  • Riding around constantly in his jeep, even learning how to fix it due to the many times she would break down
  • Piggy back rides 
  • His eyes glowing up whenever you enter a room and vise versa
  • ‘She’s a keeper Stiles’ - ‘Trust me dad, i’m well aware’ 
mind games

a/n: tHIS LITERALLY TOOK ME FOREVER IM SO SORRY (this also sort of veered off the prompt but ive rewritten this too many times)

request a prompt here

AU PROMPT #11: “We’re both psychology majors, and it’s great and all that we know everything about the topic, but it would be awesome if you could stop diagnosing me with being a dick - it’s unnecessary and definitely not a legitimate condition.”

 jimin x reader

Originally posted by holdmettightbts

      TO SAY PARK JIMIN WAS YOUR GREATEST RIVAL WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT. Every time his name was spoken, it would ignite some kind of fire in your heart and you blood would boil. Not only was he infuriatingly giving you a run for your money as the top student in the psychology department, he was also gorgeous. And boy, did he know it. 

Midterms were coming up and you were basically two pages away from reaching insanity. You were running on two hours of sleep and a shit ton of coffee, nose buried in your psych textbook. You could hear Jimin’s (glorious) laughter through your earbuds and you felt your eye twitch. 

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Next Time // Luke Hemmings

Requested; Yes

Summary; Nerd!Luke tutoring you in math and things get kinda hot.

Warning; Things get steamy man

It was your biggest weakness, the numbers and the irrelevant variables and graphs just didn’t make sense in your head. You tried and tried to study but you always ended up getting distracted and doing… not so great. Frankly, you were getting sick of it. 

Once again you received your test back and got a 59%, it was obviously going to have an effect on your grade for the class and you were on the brink of failing. Even though you could care less about the subject, you cared about graduating. So passing the class was a must, you decided to ask the teacher for some further assistance.

“Is there anything else I could do to bring my grade up?” You waited until just about everyone was out of the classroom, not wanting your nosy classmates to overhear you. Mr.Garcia, your math teacher, took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. Even he knew you were in too deep but you didn’t care what he thought you really needed a boost and it was going to happen one way or another.

“Here’s the key for the next test.” You completely ignore the 6'4", slightly hunched figure besides you, too caught up in your own needs.

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Love Yourself // Tom Holland (Part 4)

Pairings: Tom Holland + Reader (Y/N)

Description: Reader is fed up with Tom not expressing any feelings toward her, so she makes a move (with Ivy’s persistence).

Warnings: THIS IS THE LAST PART! Send me requests for something else! Hope you liked this mini series. :)

“It’s been three months, Ivy! Tom and I have been ‘hanging out’ for three freaking months!” She sighed heavily before shrugging her shoulders. I puffed my cheeks up for four seconds before letting all the air out. Tom and I have been together any time we can fit for the past three months. We would spend his breaks together at the coffee shop, he would come and “shop” at the grocery store I worked at. He would drag me to his favorite bookstores and recommend me his absolute favorites and I would drag him into my favorite antique shops and we’d walk out with a matching set of anything.

“Why don’t you just ask him out?”

“Because he obviously doesn’t want to go out with me. He wants to be friends. I’m such an idiot. I let myself like someone enough to hurt me knowing they don’t feel the same way.”

“But you don’t know that! You’re psyching yourself out.” Before I could say anything back, Ivy’s phone went off. We both sighed as she answered it. The conversation was short but I hadn’t listened to any of it. Instead I let my mind wander to three days ago when Tom took me up to the observatory. He said it gave him peace of mind knowing there was a place to go just to look at the stars. He said it was his sanctuary and he never felt comfortable bringing people who he knew wouldn’t appreciate it.

“I knew you’d appreciate it, though. Someone who resembles a form of art so expertly must love art itself, right?”

I smiled then and I’m smiling now just thinking about him thinking I’m as beautiful as art. How funny, isn’t it? Something that seemed so repetitive to you can now sound like a beautiful sonnet.

“That was Claire. She needs me to pick up someone’s shift at the store.” I sighed before letting my head hang. “Go talk to Tom, I know it’s almost his break. You usually leave around this time, anyway. You need to clear this up, if not for him then for yourself. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.” She side hugged me and then grabbed her person on her way to the door. She reached for the doorknob but then turned to face me again, “If it’s any consolation, I love you. Good luck!” I smiled at her as she left with a small wave.

It was now or never.

“Hey, (Y/N),” Tom smiled at me from behind the counter. I smiled and gave him a small wave. “I’ll be at our table in about two minutes, okay? Want something?” I shook my head and walked toward the table, ignoring his concern look toward my lack of words.

I looked out the window. The whole drive over here I rehearsed what I was going to say. I completely blanked out when I saw him smile at me. He was so innocent, so pure. I wanted to just consume him with every emotion I felt and hope he’d want to leave himself open to me. The past three months have been everything that I never had with Jeff in six years. He supported me when I needed him to get over Jeff, he encouraged me to get back into writing and he had just always been available to me whenever I needed to talk to someone at four in the morning. He had just been so easy to love.

“Alright, what’s up with you?” I was snapped back into reality as he sat down. “Why are you so quiet?”

“I – No, I’m just – God, Tom.” I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I needed to tell him, but every fear I had of being rejected came flooding in. I couldn’t go through this again, I couldn’t fathom the fact that I wasn’t good enough for Tom, too.

“(Y/N),” he took my hand from across the table, “you can tell me anything, love.”

“Tom, I just… I’m afraid.”

He looked taken aback by this. His eyebrows pulled in together as his grip on my hands tightened. “Afraid of what?”

“Afraid of how you’ll react. Afraid you may not want to talk to me,” my voice grew lower as reality started to be clearer, “afraid I won’t be enough for you.” My voice had lulled to a dull whisper now.

“Afraid you’ll – what?” I looked up to see the shock written in his face. His hands released mine and it took every fiber in me not to reach out to grasp them again and beg him not to let them go. “Are you really that oblivious?” It was my turn to wear his confused expression. “We never agree on anything do we?” I shrugged.

“What are you talking about?”

“For god sakes,” he rubbed his eyes toughly before continuing. “We can never agree on a movie, a TV show, we can never agree on where to eat lunch. You hate the color blue and I hate the way vanilla smells. You don’t like anything green in your food while I can’t stand eating only fruit at least once a day. We don’t have anything in common!”

My head hung at this. This was it. This was him ridiculing me for thinking we could ever be anything other than friends. I love everything he despises and vice-versa. God, I wish I could just –

“But, God, please,” he continued, his hands returning to mine. “Love yourself so we have something in common.”

My head shot up to look at him, my eyes wide, “What?”

“I love you. I want you to love all of you the way that I do. I hate vanilla but I would bathe in it just to see you relax in its smell, I’d rid everything of blue and decorate my life in lilac just to see you happy in its presence.”

“Tom, I –,” I didn’t know what to say. So, I leaned over the table beckoning him with my finger to which he smiled lightly and leaned in as well. “Tom,” my voice was at a whisper.

“What is it?” His hand came up to caress my cheek, his face inching closer.

“I would wash away all my insecurities if it meant you were to love me a lifetime. God, I love you.”



“Can I get that kiss now?”

I responded by finally pressing my lips against his. His top lip tapped between both of mine as his hand still held my cheek.

This is what it means to love yourself: providing yourself with the love you know you deserve.

REQUESTED TAGS: @usualfreaker, @143amberrose, @love-allthingsmarvel, @spider-hclland, @goawayimreadingbeach, @17palsth, @hista-girl

Missed Calls
This is an angsty play off of lyrics. The song is Missed Calls by Mac Miller. As always, feedback is much appreciated.

Long days, longer nights.
You keep startin’ fights, think you always right.
Call you up to tell you I ain’t comin’ home tonight.
Say you wanna leave me, it’s just talkin’ but I know you might.

“Hoseok, I haven’t seen you in five fucking days!” You couldn’t believe him. Another night at the studio? You might as well live alone at this point.

“Suga and I are working on something. It’ll be done soon babe, I promise.”

That’s what he always said. It will be done soon. He’ll be home first thing tomorrow. He fell asleep at the studio, but he can do lunch. Oh, too busy? Don’t worry, he’ll send delivery for dinner with the same note, “Might not make it home, I love you.”

Surprisingly, he made it home. The feeling of his hands settling against the curve of your waist was one you had almost forgotten. As quickly as he had crawled in bed, you crawled out. An unnerving knot settling in the pit of your stomach, as bare feet followed you to the couch.

“Don’t do this. Not again.”

His pleas were almost so convincing, so sincere. “I don’t want to fight Hoseok, just go to bed.” you curled up on the couch, refusing to let yourself cry. He put a blanket over you, and sighed a small apology, before making his way back to the bedroom.

Now get along, I get along, I go.
You sing along, to every song you know.
You play your part, I’m playin’ mine.
You breakin’ hearts, ain’t breakin’ mine.
Since growing old is takin’ time, I’m actin’ like I’m eight or nine.

People would talk. They would say how you didn’t support him, and how he deserved better. They were wrong. You did support him, you loved his music. You were always left in awe at the way his body moved so effortlessly when he danced. You knew how talented he was, and you were proud of him, believe it or not. You loved him.

But you were alone, constantly. You were left home to entertain yourself. Even when he was home he was completely wrapped up in his music, as if you didn’t exist. It was clear he didn’t love you nearly half as much as he loved his career, and that crushed you.

“What the fuck is your problem? You’re acting like a child with out a god damn cookie!”

“I’m acting like a child?!” You screamed in to the phone. “Because I want to spend more time with my boyfriend of five fucking years? Because I miss you Hoseok, I’m a fucking child?!”

“Baby, I’m sorry, just calm down. I will be home shortly, and we can talk, okay?”

“Yeah,” you chuckled, “whatever you say.” You hung up, and continued packing your bags. You honestly didn’t expect him to come home soon, or at all. So to see him standing in the doorway as you packed up your make up, and a few stray bathroom items, made you jump.

“What are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” You choked on your words, “I- Im leaving you.”

I’ve been on the same shit.
We run into each other, and it’s like we don’t even speak the same language.
I guess people always going through changes.
Didn’t think I would lose you once I got famous.

“Y/N! Hey, I didn’t think you would come!”

You forced a smile, “You were great up the J-Hope. I’m glad you’re doing so well.” You glanced around for an escape. You felt stupid coming to his show. You hadn’t seen him for almost 6 months since you left, and in such a short time his career had taken off for him. You were happy for him, really, but this person standing in front of you wasn’t someone you knew anymore.

“Look it was great seeing you, but I-” he cut you off before you could finish.

“I miss you Y/N. Why don’t you ever return my calls?”

You frowned at him, “I’m really proud of you, but I have to get back to my friends.” You didn’t glance back as you walked away, fighting back the tears welling in your eyes.

Nearly 1 AM, on que, your phone rang. It was him again, and you sighed sharply before sending him through to voicemail. He was probably drunk again, he always was these days. Spewing the same desperate please, the same promises. Part of you wanted to believe him, but the other part knew you couldn’t take the heartache.

“Y/N please, please answer me. I miss you. I want you to come home. This is still your home. I love you. I love you so much, and with out you this place isn’t home for me anymore. I promise things will be different. Please call me. Fuck. I love you. Please.”

You wiped tears from your eyes, and deleted the message. As much as you wanted to go running back to him, and tell him how desperately in love you were with him, you knew dating him now, in his rise to fame, would never be the same as it once was.

Kept breakin’ promises you said you’d keep.
So you can leave a message at the beep.

Nothing Like The Rain

Summary: “And I know that I’m drunk but I’ll say the words and she’ll listen this time even though they’re slurred so I, dialed her number and confessed to her I’m still in love but all I heard was nothing”

A/N: I haven’t written in forever! But I’m back and here’s this! Pretty angsty if I’m honest, but I hope you guys like it. Contains frequent flashbacks which are marked with italics. You know the drill, if you want a part two pls request. Thanks dolls:)

Approx. 3.4k words


The burning liquid went down his throat easier than it ever had before, the frosted glass icy to his fingers but he couldn’t feel a thing. The numbness had long since taken over and the alcohol helped blur his memories of days he wished more than anything he could go back to. But those days were over now and he had no one to blame but himself. He had wanted the fame so bad; the fame and everything that came with it in all of its bright and shining glory. But if he had known what he would be losing, if he had known what the emptiness would feel like without the one person in the world who could turn his dark days into a summer’s dream then he would have turned his back on all of it.

“Another one.” He waved his empty glass at the bartender, but his bloodshot eyes and his slurred speech gave him away.

“I think you’ve had enough tonight son.”

Calum scoffed. “I’ve had enough when I can’t see her face and I can’t hear her laugh anymore and unfortunately for the both of us I still can so pour me another fucking drink.”

He was angry when he got drunk now. He used to be fun and cuddly, or at least that’s what you would tell him when he stumbled home after midnight and wrapped his arms around you, snuggling his face into the crook of your neck. But not anymore. Now the memories of you had hardened him, the good with the bad blending together so that it was hard to determine which was which anymore. But he knew one thing. He was still in love with you, just like he had been the first time he saw you and no amount of burning alcohol tainting his system could change that.


“Just go talk to her mate. It’s not like she hasn’t seen you staring at her for the last hour and a half. At least if you talk to her it might make up for all the creepy.” Michael snickered as he took a sip of his beer.

“No way man. A guy like me does not just go up and talk to a girl like that. Snagging a girl like that require a six step plan and I am not fully prepared to-”

“Oh shut up you moron and go talk to her before I do.” Michael gave Calum’s shoulder a little shove, pushing him off the wall he was previously leaning on. Calum strutted over to where you were leaning against the bar, your bright eyes surveying the dimly lit nightclub but your posture straightened the moment you saw the tall, dark skinned boy walking towards you.

He stood next to you for a few moments, silently joining you in the onlooking before speaking.

“So how well do pickup lines work on a girl like you?”

“A girl like me?”

“A girl who’s clearly the most beautiful in the room.” He smiled, the crinkles by his eyes melting your heart.

“Oh well in that case I don’t know if they’ll work at all.” You teased.

“Good, because I prefer getting straight to the point. Do you wanna get out of here?”

“With you?” I don’t know, I was looking forward to a pick up line.”

“Well I was looking forward to telling you that this shirt is made of boyfriend material, but if the most beautiful woman here says I can’t then I guess I’ll just have to settle with taking you to dinner.”

“I can live with that.”


It took six phone calls for Calum to be able to drag Ashton out of bed to pick him up. Ever since that night, he had unofficially moved back in with Ash who had unofficially been tasked with keeping Calum out of the bars, a task in which he had obviously been slacking in recently. With a scowl and a shaking head, Ashton dragged Calum into his flat.

“This needs to stop Cal. You’re going to drink yourself to death and I am not going to let that happen. It’s not fair to yourself and it’s not fair to the band.”

“The band is what got me into this mess in the first place.”

“Jesus Cal, you’re so ready to blame everyone but yourself. Maybe that’s why she’s gone.” Calum was silent, clutching a pillow from the couch and trying not to throw up. “You’re better off without her anyway. Now you can go on tour without needing to take a skype break every forty five minutes. Maybe you can pick a girl from the crowd, help you forget or something.” He chuckled. Ashton was trying to make light of the situation, but Calum was in too much pain for any of his attempts at cheering him up to have an affect.

“You also thought taking me to a bar to forget her would work too and look where we are now.” Calum growled, standing up from the couch and heading to the liquor cabinet. He grabbed the first bottle he saw and went to take a drink, but not before Ashton could snatch it right back from him.

“You’re spiraling out of control Calum. You need help.”

“I need her!” He shouted, his hands gripping his hair and tugging at the roots as he slid down the wall and landed in a pile on the floor. “I need her.” His last statement came out in a whimper, your name a ghost across his lips as he whispered it to himself.

Ashton sighed, unable to come up with the right words to comfort his heartbroken friend. “Get some sleep mate, you need it.” He mumbled before turning back and heading to his room.

The flat was silent, before the buzz in his pocket jolted him. He fumbled for his phone, squinting to read the notification.


He remembered when you had stolen his phone to write that message in his calendar so that he would never forget your birthday. Ironic how now the idea of forgetting you seemed absurd to him, like the possibility of ever being able to forget was lost on him. He was stuck with you, the memory of the night everything went wrong permanently stamped on his brain.

With a soft smile, he remembered the day just one year ago when he had thrown you a surprise party, the look of joy on your face as your closest friends yelled your name. You had rushed into his arms, thanking him profusely with kisses and giggles exclaiming how you were the luckiest girl in the world to have someone like him. He would give anything to hear you say that now. To even hear you speak his name would be better than the silence. He needed to hear you. With the alcohol clouding his brain, he scrolled down to your contact and clicked.

It felt like it was ringing forever. Maybe you were already asleep, or maybe you had already deleted his number. If he was you he would have. Or maybe you just wouldn’t pick up at all. He was wrong on all accounts.

The ringing stopped, but your voice did not greet him.

He could hear the faint sound of your breathing on the other line and if he was sober maybe he would have hung up, but drunk Calum had no filter and he was going to say whatever he had to.

“Hey baby.”


“God I miss you so much. I was a fool. An absolute fool baby and I want you back. I need you back in my life Y/N. It’s only been a couple months but it feels like a lifetime and I’m going crazy without you. I still love you and I always will, I just need you to know that; you have to know that. I can’t bear the idea of you thinking those things I said were true. You’re perfect and you’re too fucking good for me. I love you. I love you so much.” His words were slurred, almost incoherent to his own ears as he babbled into the speaker. He could have sworn he heard you hold back a sniffle, but still your voice did not grace him.


The line went dead before he could even get a syllable of your name out of his mouth.


“I can’t believe you didn’t even think to bring an umbrella!” You whined, clutching onto your boyfriend’s arm as cold rain poured down on the two of you.

“I did bring an umbrella. It’s locked in the car just like everything else.”

“You really test my love for you when you do dumb shit like this Cal.” You laughed, giving his bicep a loving squeeze.

“Everyone has to lock their keys in their car at least once Y/N.”

“And you had to do it during a downpour didn’t you babe.” You shook your head. You should be annoyed that he had made a stupid mistake like this, especially when he had not only locked the keys in, but locked in both your cellphones, the umbrella, your coat, and the picnic basket on what was supposed to be your one year anniversary date. But that was just Calum and you loved him no matter what. Besides, you could make the best of getting caught in the rain with your overtly sexy boyfriend. Especially when he looked this good in his singlet and wet hair that was sticking to his forehead.

“At least I did it in summer and not in the dead of winter though right? I mean, you like the summer rain, I sing about liking the summer rain, so this really isn’t as bad as it could be right?” He leaned his head down to kiss you on the cheek, water droplets from his hair falling down onto your face. You reached around his neck, pulling him down to you again and attaching your lips to his. Every time you kissed him you felt the same butterflies in your stomach as the first time he had kissed you.

The two of you continued walking down the sidewalk, his arm protectively wrapped around your shoulders. He was silent for a while, his face telling you he was deep in thought. The rain had died down, a few stray droplets falling from the trees and landing on the pavement the only evidence of the previous showers.

“Can I ask you something?” Calum’s soft voice broke the silence, his eyes were shining as he smiled sheepishly at you.

“Of course Cal.” You nudged his shoulder.

He was quiet for a second more before blurting out, “I think we should move into together.”

“Move in?”

He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Yeah, I mean I just think it would be a good idea and stuff I guess because I just want to be able to wake up next to you in the morning and come home after a long day and crash on the couch with the woman I love more than anything. I just think that would be great.” His brown eyes were filled with adoration as he stared at you, awaiting your answer.


“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, I think it’s a good idea.”

“Do you know how much I love you right now?”

“Yeah I think I do.”


“Maybe if go I over there right now, then she’ll take me back!” Calum stumbled getting up from his spot on the floor.

“Cal, don’t. This is just hurting both of you.” Ashton groaned. This is how it was every night. Calum would make an elaborate plan to get you back after a few too many drinks and then Ashton would calm him down and bring him to his senses. But tonight he was serious. Tonight was going to be the night he finally got off his ass and did something to get you back instead of bitching to the boys about what an idiot he was.

“No I have to see her. Maybe if she knows how sorry I am and how much this is hurting me too then she’ll take me back.” He mumbled, mainly to himself. He wasn’t thinking straight. How could he, when the love of his life hated him. And how could he blame you? He was the sole cause of this. He was the one who had said all those things, the one who rashly jumped to conclusions. You were the one that walked away, but he was the one that let you go.

He was out the door in a flash, hailing a cab and repeating your address to the driver. He needed you to take him back. You were the best part about him, the part that made him happy. And without you in his life he wasn’t sure how to be happy anymore.

The taxi rolled to a stop in front of your house and slowly he got out of the car, a flood of memories rushing in. The last time he had been here was the night everything fell apart. Oh, how he would give anything to go back and fix it.


The moment he walked through the door you were on your feet, a large smile plastered on your face as he strolled into the kitchen to grab a can of beer. You followed him to the refrigerator, unable to contain your excitement.

“Calum I have something amazing to tell you.” You gushed, stepping closer to him.

“Can it wait babe? I’ve had a long day at the studio and I really just need to take a shower and go to bed.” He brushed you off but you ignored his flippant tone, too excited for what you had to say to sense his readiness to pick a fight.

“Trust me, you’ll want to hear this.” You grinned but he only sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose as he took a long swig from his drink.

“Alright shoot.”

“James and Callie are getting married, and guess where they’re having their wedding?” You didn’t wait for him to guess before continuing. “Maui! And she asked me to be maid of honor which means that me and my lovely boyfriend of course get to accompany her to the beautiful Hawaiian island no expense to us! Her dad’s paying for the whole thing! We’d get a suite to ourselves for a whole week! A week, me and you in Hawaii together! We leave in six days.” You shouted gleefully, grabbing his hands in excitement. You practically already had your bags packed and you had been searching online for the perfect swimsuit to bring along with you. Now all you needed was for him to be excited as you.

“The AMA’s are next week I can’t go.” He deadpanned and just like that your once joyous smile faded.

“But you do those every year, you can’t skip it this year?” You asked hopefully.

Calum snorted, “5 Seconds of Summer isn’t 5 Seconds of Summer without a bass player Y/N. I have to go.”

“Artists back out of award shows all the time, you couldn’t maybe just do that once for me?”

“I am not backing out of the AMA’s Y/N.”

“Calum please, this really means a lot to me. I have to sacrifice things for your music career all the time and you can’t sacrifice this for me?”

Calum glared at you. “My music career is what’s paying for this nice apartment you live in. My fucking music career is what lets you live the lifestyle you live, don’t pretend like you would be anything without it. You do not get to tell me what to do when you don’t know anything about the life I’m living.” He growled, slamming his beer can on the countertop.

“Is that what you think of me? You think I’m some gold digger who’s just in this for your money? Jesus Cal, is that what you really think?” You sniffled, shocked at his sudden outburst.

“You said it not me.”

“Calum what’s gotten into you?” You furrowed your brows. This was not where you thought this conversation would go. There had to be something else bothering him, because he rarely picked a fight with you unless something big was eating at him. “What’s going on Cal? Just tell me what your problem is and we can talk this out.”

“What am I to you Y/N? A fling on the other side that you can gossip with your friends about, maybe sell a couple stories to the tabloids once you’ve had your fun?” He shouted, his face red with this rage that took you so off guard.

You were silent, unable to process what was happening. Sure you didn’t have a whole lot of money. You were still in school, struggling to get by when you had met him. But it wasn’t his status that had attracted you to him that’s for sure and it wasn’t his money that made you stay. You were in love with him and right now he was breaking your heart.

“I saw the pictures.” He growled. “You and that guy, yeah I saw the pictures. I guess being with a famous person isn’t as great when you have paparazzi stalking your every move. Or maybe you love it, I don’t know. All I know is that we are done.”

“Show me the picture.”


“Show me the fucking picture Calum.”

He pulled out his phone, flicking through the pictures before he landed on one of you sitting on another boy’s lap in a dim night club. You recognized it immediately.

“That’s not what you think it is.” You said calmly.

“Oh really? It’s not my whore of an ex girlfriend cheating on me with another fucking guy?

“No Calum. It’s your ex girlfriend hanging out with her cousin who she is very close with and hasn’t seen in awhile which you would know maybe if you asked about my life a little more often!” You yelled at him, your voice cracking as you watched your relationship crumble before your very eyes. “How do you want me to prove it to you? I’ll call my fucking aunt and have her fax over a birth certificate. Fuck you.” You turned to leave, ready to be anywhere but with him.

“Baby, c’mon how was I supposed to know.”

“BY ASKING ME!” Jesus christ Calum, you could’ve just asked me! Or trusted that I would never, ever in a million years cheat on you. Anything other than assuming I was sleeping with him. How many girls are you photographed with every day Cal? And how many times do I sit here wondering if you’re fucking any of them? Never, because I trust that you wouldn’t do that.” Tears flooded your eyes and ran down your cheeks like two rivers polluted with mascara.

He reached for your hand but you pulled away. “No you don’t get to touch me anymore. We’re done remember?”

“Y/N don’t be like that, it was a mistake anyone would have made!” He protested.

“Not anyone. Not me.”

“This is stupid, let’s just go get in our comfy clothes and watch movies and forget this ever happened.”

“A gold digger, a whore, and now I’m stupid. Nice.”

“Babe that’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“No, I don’t know Cal. But I do know that you just fucked up one of the best things you’ve ever had.”

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes in an attempt to save his ego.

“Whatever.” You echoed quietly. You stared at him for a moment, as if you were expecting to wake up from this nightmare. But you didn’t. And those brown eyes that once felt like home now felt more like a warzone than anything else and you weren’t going to fight anymore. Without a word you turned and walked out of the apartment and out of his life for good. And he let you.


He didn’t know what made him act that way. Maybe it was the stress of the new album, or the couple drinks he had had earlier to offset the idea of you with another man. Whatever it was, it the cost was more than he could bear.

His shaking hand formed a fist, his knuckles wrapping on the door. He could hear you roaming around inside. The love of his life was so close to him but you had never felt so far away. The door creaked open.


“Hi baby.”


Part 2