but i spend forever on it so

I try to involve myself with callout culture as little as possible, but for those who do engage in it: do y’all really think it’s not blindingly obvious to the rest of us that the whole “this person said or did something moderately unfortunate in 2012 when they were sixteen years old, so now they’re a pariah forever and we’re going to spend the next several years loudly taking everything they do wildly out of context in order to ‘prove’ that they’re a monster“ thing only ever gets targeted at girls? Like, we can see what you’re doing there.

askspades  asked:

What does happiness mean to you?

The ephemeral sensation that everything around you is as it was always supposed to be, and that nothing that relates to you could ever be any better, even if just for a mere instant. Because we humans are defined by our needs, desires, yearnings and aspirations, It’s not something that is meant to last, and so we spend most of our living time chasing it. It’s just the nature of things.

As depression peers over my shoulder, I fear that it will make me forget how to feel it forever, and by doing it, remove my reasons for living. Before that can happen, and since you ask, allow me to share a scene that I associate with many of my most recent moments of happiness. 

I’m really so fortunate to be able to share a life with someone that always did their best to give me so many moments of happiness. Thank you so much, Jackie - and I hope to be able to keep on bringing you happiness as well, for as long as we’re together. I mean, you sure seem to enjoy those foot rubs! ;)

anonymous asked:

Amelia is about as predictable as getting the runs after eating Taco Bell. Didn't get the attention she wanted after declaring a "maybe gone forever" break, so she came back to snag a few hits and ass licking after the video. Predictable. Not the first, nor will it be the last, we she her and those infamous overdramatic incoherent rambles. Pray for me friends, I have to spend time with this women for close to two weeks in June. I need a strong drink just thinking about. -- Ghost

😎😎😎😎 it’s gonna be a long long few days.

Tequila helps. 😂😂😂😁

6

So Mark and Amy are spending her birthday renting a house in the middle of the desert for the day/night. I remember seeing this on Matthias and Amanda vlog channel years ago before Luna was born. Mark and Amy are being Models and they are becoming the most popular couples than Hollywood celebrities (in my opinion). I don’t know about you guys, but I think they are way more popular hottest couples than Felix and Marzia and Jack and Wiishu. Everybody is idolized them. I admit, idolized Mark like forever and sometimes Amy as well. But is this healthy to us, tho? Sigh…😕

I don’t know… Maybe not… And speaking​ of Jack, I forgot to mention, I dream about him last night. I been having dreams about Jack lately and Again, I don’t watched his videos anymore, but I still following him on Instagram….

It looks like my universe is trying to tell me something. I’m gonna re-subscribed to his channel…. I just wanted to shared my thoughts…

anonymous asked:

I just love all of your OCs and just want to keep hearing more and more about them. They're so lovely and i could spend forever listening to you talk about them

This is so sweet to hear…! I am a self centered hooman so I like to talk about my characters a lot >///< to see someone actually enjoys this egoist aspect of mine makes me so happy… 

So I’m gonna tell a bit of Gin’s story :)


Gin is Reiji and I’s first child, I have adapted our story to some historical facts of Dark Fate and Lost Eden’s Kino, but since I cherry picked the information…

I have as a headcanon that due to the unnatural existence creatures like vampires or first bloods have, pregnancy is rather difficult to achieve, specially if we are talking about two different races: vampire and “human”

Gin was a miracle baby not only for that but because Reiji was forced to poison me in the past in order to eliminate something. And that damage was basically disabling me from having children.

You may see Gin with predominant white hair but actually his hair was like Reiji’s when he was born: just dark purple with a single silver strand that gave him his name.

One night while Reiji was out of the castle (war times) Gin is kidnapped and my weak condition at the time didn’t help me on fighting back… nor Reiji or I were able to find him for a long time…

He was raised as a poor villager in the human world among some other creatures of the demon kind, participating on a very well assembled story that was created for him to hate the current emperor in the Demon World, which was his own father: Reiji.

Gin did find out things by himself, but all of them were lies, it was an intrincated plan that allowed him to think he had the truth in his hands and when he was old enough and confident… he decided to attack the castle, thinking on saving his mother from the claws of his “monstruous” and “evil” father.

The stress in his life determined the predominance of white in his hair, he went through a lot.

An open letter to my husband

by reddit user VenomousHeroine

A friend of mine recently bought a second hand laptop from a busy garage sale, the seller said that the thing won’t turn on. Being the nerd that he is, my friend got it working and found a strange letter saved on it. He mailed it to me after I asked him if I could share it here. So here goes:

“Dear Matthew,

I’m writing to you to tell you that I know everything that you do not want me to know. I know you must dread hearing this- especially coming from me, but I really need you to listen to what I have to say.

Keep reading

8

make me choose @jakesamys​ asked:
isabelle lightwood or clary fray

Aries: Your good with advice, just learn to find your voice. Your voice and opinion is so valid. Just learn to be loud
Taurus: The future you and the past you may clash. But know that the demons can come roaring back. And when they do, your friends are here.
Gemini: for all the times you got hurt, I’m sorry, even if they never said it. You deserved so much better than this
Cancer: Let the past be the past. Even with the nightmares. Sometimes letting go is all you can do.
Leo: Forgive who you use to be. You can’t spend forever hating yourself and your past actions.
Virgo: You can’t always fight every battle. You have to pick and chose my dear.
Libra: never be afraid to put yourself first. To grow into the person you want to be.
Scorpio: growing is worth every second of agony. I promise you, you need to grow to recover.
Sagittarius: Be happy with the miles you’ve covered because they are so good. And I am so proud of you.
Capricorn: Let the scars you once had heal over because reopening them will only make you bleed more.
Aquarius: Before you save anyone else learn to save yourself. You can’t rescue everyone.
Pisces: You’ve outgrown the small town we use to call home. Time to spread your wings and fly.
—  This weeks horoscope
OKAY BUT concept: Lazytown, but it’s meant for teenagers

Okay but- imagine how different Lazytown would be if it were meant for teens while STILL trying to be educational 

Like, it’s a few years into the future, and all the kids are now in middle or high school (depending on age. I like to think Ziggy 13, Stingy and Stephanie 14, and Trixie and Pixel 16) 

Of course, Sportacus, Robbie, and the other adults would all treat the children differently now that they are older. They are open to talk to the kids about more mature and serious topics 

The teens are a really confusing time to be going through, and I’m sure Sportacus would still be just as supportive and willing to save the day…he just does so in different ways now 

The show would cover and educate teens on  issues that teens might go through like 

*Ziggy being self-conscious about his weight to the point where he just- stops eating and Sportacus tells him that how his body FEELS is more important, rather than how it LOOKS (covering body positivity, eating disorders, showing that boys can have that problem too) 

*Stingy developing his very first crush on someone and becoming very clingy and possesive and needing to be taught that people are NOT like things and you can’t just CLAIM a person as yours (covering consent and healthy relationships) 

*Steph getting her period for the first time and she and the Mayor have no idea wtf is going on (cuz lbr, the mayor is kind of dumb) so Sport’s crystal beeps and they’re like “she’s bleeding!” and Sport knows what’s happening but doesn’t know what to do so they actually call Bessie for help. But after that, Sporto starts carrying pads/tampons along with him just in case cuz you gotta stick out for your friends 

*Given the amount of time Pixel spends with computers, I’m sure you can make at least one episode on internet safety with it. Pixel’s crush on Stephanie might be good material for episodes on teenage romance and healthy relationships too 

*Trixie maybe starting to realize that she’s “not like other girls” and doesn’t really pay much attention to boys like they do (covering sexuality) Perhaps she even likes Stephanie a little which could add the element of a love triangle

*Maybe in that same episode, Sport teaches them about gender and sexuality in general and he brings up non-binary gender and Robbie overhears and identifies it with himself, giving us a message that it’s never too late to come out or discover who you are 

*Imagine the drama of an episode where one of the kids gets their hands on a cigarette and Sport catches them just before they’re about to light it and for the very first time EVER, he’s visibly VERY ANGRY at and DISSAPOINTED in the kids, but it’s all out of a place of concern 

*Or an episode where Robbie slips Sport just ONE shot of alcohol in secret and given how sensitive his body is to just SUGAR, Sport instantly gets alcohol poisoning which leads to Robbie freaking out and probably asking the kids for help or something because not even sportscandy is fixing it (teaching kids to be careful around alcohol and also what to do if a friend happens to get sick) 

*Sport shown to actually be overwhelmed with worry about the safety of people in town every once in a while and having anxiety over it, and being confused because he goes outside a lot and eats healthy so WHY is it happening? And Robbie who also dealt with anxiety issues in the past actually telling him that sometimes, that’s not enough and how sometimes, medications and therapy may help (teaching that it’s okay to let people know you aren’t always ok, and that you shouldn’t hide it) 

And of course, Sport would STILL be promoting a healthy lifestyle in general. He’s the cool high school health teacher dad, who’ll talk to the kids about anything they want to know, from puberty to sex to crushes, anything. And Robbie has toned it down on the schemes a bit (since the kids are older and much less guillable now so there’s no point) and has warmed up to the kids a bit now that they are older. But, he’s still the lazy insomniac we know and love. Maybe sometimes, …Robbie might even be a better teacher in terms of MENTAL health than Sportacus even, given all the stuff that he himself has dealt with having 

…Not to mention, an older target audience opens up potential for Sportarobbie to actually be a thing? 

There’s just- so much potential that Lazytown could STILL have, even if it weren’t meant for younger kids

This is just- something that I really really want and like to think about 

EDIT: Some MORE ideas for you since I came up with more 

*Pixel’s crush on Steph just getting bigger and bigger but he has no idea how to talk to girls, so for whatever reason, he asks ROBBIE for advice on how to do that, who ends up bringing out Rottenella for him to practice on 

*That ends up being a bust given that Rottenella can’t talk, so he ends up asking TRIXIE to help him practice and even after realizing that the girl he has an eye on is Stephanie, …she helps him out anyway even if it hurts, because Stephanie and Pixel are her friends and she actually….sacrifices her own feelings for theirs 

*Sport is the one person that Trixie can talk to and vent to about her feelings for Steph, being the one guy she can trust, and then Sport totally hits us with the feels by being like “I understand what you’re going through….the person I like wants me out of town forever.” 

*Robbie going through one of his depressed states during the winter holidays (perhaps seasonal affective disorder? The episode covers depression) and isolating himself around Christmas because his self-esteem is in the gutter and he’s convinced that nobody wants him around, so he’ll spend the holidays alone, and Sport is just heartbroken and like “No, you’re very wrong, we WANT you to come be with us and we love you” and we finally get a translated performance of “Aleinn um Jolin” 

*Robbie reprogrammed Sugar-Pie to act like a normal dog, but one day he stops functioning  and is beyond repair and basically “passes away”, and everyone else is like “??? but it’s a robot, just make another.” But Sport reminds the kids that regardless, this was someone that Robbie was close to and that they should let  him grieve and be there for him (covering loss, death, and the stages of grief, which is something everyone goes through at some point) 

*Bessie becoming the unofficial mom that helps the girls out with the things that Sportacus and the Mayor might lack ability or knowledge to help in (like, bra shopping and shit like that because the idea of momma Busybody is just great, you guys) 

*Being the youngest, Ziggy is just entering high school and the older kids support him and help him get used to the transition from middle school 

*At least one episode with the trope where one of the boys is dealing with their voice cracking due to puberty (Stingy, because he would be the funniest) 

*There is still a Bing Bang at the end of each episode, but each one is different where sometimes, a different character sings it, or the music changes genres or parodies some sort of pop culture reference 

…You can make at least 12 episodes out of all this? That’s like, half a season right there 

ANOTHER EDIT: I’ve noticed how a big handful of you said that you fucking want this? Well, I’m not stopping you? Everyone, be my fucking guest if you wanna contribute to this in any sort of way. 

Actually…it might be kind of fun, making this into a sort of group project (collaborate on art, fics, etc) You guys can like, message me if that sounds cool

Someone recently asked me “do you see yourself years down the road with the same girl you are with now?” Without hesitation I quickly responded with “fuck yes”. They asked me to explain how but I just smiled and shook my head. But all I could think of was how she talks about me like I put stars in the sky. How one kiss, one touch from her and I feel like I’m flying. It’s the way my body aches when hers is just a little too far away. It’s the way her presence is the only thing that seems to calm my entire soul. How her smile, her laugh could take any bad moment and turn it into something worth while. It’s how her beauty is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. The way she makes me feel can be compared to the way kids feel when they are told they are going to Disney. Full of butterflies, full of excitement, full of anticipation. That’s how loving her feels like. So when someone asks if I can see myself with her in the future I’ll just smile and nod because for the first time thinking about a future with someone doesn’t come across as terrifying to me. A future with her feels calm, it feels right. I’m not much of a believer of soul mates but I do believe that our souls were meant to cross paths for a reason and I’ll spend forever finding out why.
—  this love was worth the wait
But like, i can’t really be the only one that considers “The Fortuneteller“ the second (or third)* most anti-kataang episode of the show?

(*Number one is without a doubt “The Ember Island Players“, number two or three, depending on my mood is “The Southern Raiders”)

Like, it’s an episode that dedicates 22 minutes and 43 seconds of it’s 22 minute and 59 second run-time to showing the audience how Aang’s crush is jut that: a crush.

It isn’t even subtle about it:

Her name is Meng, which is phonetically nearly identical to Aang, AS THE SHOW ACTUALLY TAKES TIME TO POINT OUT TO YOU (“That rhymes with Meng!“) and she’s two years younger then the object of her affection.

THIS IS NOT A SUBTLE PARALLEL PEOPLE

Like, it all but rubs in our faces how it’s superficial:

(It even plays the same music.)

Then it has them using the same technique in an attempt to flirt:

Meng: “Hey, Aang. Don’t you think that cloud looks like a flower?”

Aang: “Hey, Katara, don’t you think that cloud look like a flower?”

And getting dismissed.

Then the object of their affections shows complete and utter disinterest:

(Because, they aren’t actually interested at all.)

And so on.

And then this happens:

Meng: “You don’t like me, do you?”
Aang: “Of course I like you.“
Meng: “But not the way I like you.”
Aang: “Oh, I guess not.”
Meng: “It’s okay. It’s just really hard when you like someone, but they don’t think of you that way.”

Aang: “I know what you mean.”
Meng: “She’s beautiful, by the way.”
Aang: “Huh?”
Meng: “That Water Tribe girl. I can see why you like her so much. She’s sweet, she’s a bender and her hair seems so manageable.”

Aang: “Don’t worry. You’re going to meet a great guy who’s going to completely fall for you. I know it.”

And it’s just… such a GOOD and PURE scene? and such a good message to send to children? “You don’t like me the way i like you and, while it’s hard for me, that’s okay.“ What a wonderful thing to put in a children’s cartoon! Especially considering that we live in a world where “first-love-is-forever” is the norm.

I thought that those 16 seconds where Katara actually seems to consider him in a romantic light were there just so that they could milk the will-they-won’t-they for all it’s worth. I thought that there was just no way anyone could spend all that time telling one story, sending one message only to completely disregard it in the end. (aaand looooooool @mini-me what a fool i was, chakra opening rock anyone?)

Like, honestly, the first time i watched this episode I was completely convinced that this scene was foreshadowing the ultimate resolution of Aang’s crush on Katara: Aang realising that it’s one-sided and displaying emotional maturity and self-awareness. And giving his blessing for Katara to pursue other people.

Instead, the poor boy regresses completely, forces a kiss on her and is then rewarded for it by the narrative.

a page of seijou doodles

one. Every morning leaves me with a mouthful of sorrow. I tell myself that’s because missing you is like an ache but that’s not all true: I miss you, I do, but more than that I miss myself when I was with you, I miss the girl lost in the wildflowers with her eyes open. Eventually the mornings fade into afternoons spent on the couch sifting through maps and ticket stubs and photos littered across the coffee table, a shrine to all the places we’ve been and never will again, but the weight on my tongue never lifts.

two. Sometimes I spend hours listening to your favorite songs to drown out the sound of the girl in the wildflowers calling my name, I think about how you were always full of dreams and ideas and ink-smudged maps with roads that led on and on until the end of forever, you were always so much, you were always more, and I think I was more when I was with you, too.

three. One year ago I buried two fallen angels beneath the wildflowers in the meadow behind our neighborhood, two children with fragile, brittle bones and decaying wings, the evening light paling our haloes and washing the youth right out of our skin. I was too busy crying to realize one of them was still alive, still worth saving.

four. Today I’m going to dig up the girl in the wildflowers and kiss her dirt-streaked cheeks and hold her hand until it becomes warm again. (I won’t look at your body, but the thought of it will be a ghost in my head anyway, like it always is.) She and I will go traveling to all the places marked on our map that you and I wanted to—I think you would have liked that. We’ll hold hands and run into the horizon until, just for a moment, the light breaks around our edges and we blur into one person again, and it will feel just like coming home.

arlen c. | check out my books

8

Mother Nature decided to be decent for International Women’s Day, so I got to dress up and actually spend time outside today! I want to take a minute to recognize all of the powerful women that surround us, but especially trans women, WOC, disabled women, and fat women. A special thanks to the last group, who have helped me become unapologetically visible as a fat person, and taught me that it’s okay to love myself. I couldn’t have done it without you all. <3

Jacket: Forever 21+
Tights: H&M
Socks: American Apparel
Choker: Forever 21
Romper: Forever 21+
Boots: Baretraps

Picking A Human

Alien Crewmate: Human Sonia, you are leaking from your vision orifices. I am told this is a sign that you are sad. What is wrong?

Sonia: I… nothing just… it’s Valentine’s day and I’m single again. I swear I’ll end up single FOREVER at this rate.

AC: Are… Are you *supposed* to engage in mitosis? I thought humans were mammals?

Sonia: *sad laugh* Yeah we are. That’s the problem. I can’t seem to get a date.

AC: What is a date?

Sonia: It’s when two humans who are attracted to each other go so activities and spend time together to assess their mutual compatibility. And if they’re compatible, they continur their romantic relationship and then they’re called a “couple”. And a person who isn’t dating anyone - like me - is single. =’(

AC: I am confused… why do you want to be a couple? What’s wrong with being single.

Sonia: Nothing’s wrong with being single. But being part of a couple is *nice*. You’re in love and you have someone to spend your life with.

AC: So you’re telling me that… humans look at someone. And think they are attractive even though they don’t know this person. And then they do activities to confirm that this person is attractive. And then they… just stay with this person until they die. This ONE person amongst billions of humans is the one a human picks for an entire lifetime.

And you are sad because you do not have not yet picked this special human to keep. Even though you have a very large collection of humans on this ship and on Earth and on Spacebook that you also keep around and haven’t picked for some reason.

Sonia: It’s more complicatrd than that!

AC: … Sounds fake but okay.

Yuuri isn’t just a badass he’s also a good person. The reason he can come across ‘cold’ is because of his degree of self-loathing, which causes himself to sometimes not acknowledge how much people around him care about him (something he works on as the series goes on! this is a big part of his character arc). It’s got nothing to do with his view of other people’s value of individuals and how much he cares about them and everything to do with how he views himself. He has trouble forming connections with others because he views himself as someone people wouldn’t want to form connections with. This is not necessarily okay, but it’s literally a huge part of his character arc!! He becomes so much better about this as the series goes on, and it’s wonderful to see. 

Here’s the thing about Yuuri Katsuki. He’s a selfless person, to a fault. People completely misread the ‘I’ll let the whole world hate me’ scene. It’s not about selfish love. It’s not about possessive love. It’s about making a choice between caring about how people perceive you and not caring about how people perceive you. 

Yuuri thinks that if he goes out there and skates his best, people are going to hate him, see him as taking Victor from the world. He says so what, fuck that. It’s more important to me that I reach my goal. I’d rather me be hated than Victor be hated anyway. Hate me for taking Victor from the world, fine. I just want to skate. I’d rather skate and be hated than have you like me and give up on doing something I love. To help himself in that situation, to give himself confidence, he reminds himself that he is the only person who does know Victor’s love the way he does, which is absolutely true. He reminds himself of the love he has in his life. That it’s unique. That’s it’s special. 

‘Victor is the first thing I’ve ever wanted to hold onto.’

Victor is the first thing he’s ALLOWED himself to hold onto (and even then, he tries to let him go later on because he’s self-sacrificing). 

There’s nothing selfish about that– or possessive, or anything of the sort. It’s someone looking at adversity and going ‘my goal is more important to me than your perception of me’, and for someone as self-deprecating as Yuuri, someone who has struggled with forming emotional connections because they haven’t felt like people wanted to form emotional connections with them due to their own lack of self worth, this is a HUGE DEAL. It’s awesome.

Allowing Yuuri to in a sense, claim something as his, is actually a triumphant moment for him, because he rarely does this. It’s good and right. Yuuri is often selfless to a fault. When he says ‘I wish to eat pork cutlet bowls with you’ we applaud him. When Yuuri wants something and expresses it, we CHEER for him.

Yuuri spends the entire last third of the series trying to sacrifice Victor despite the fact that Victor, to the audience, CLEARLY wants to stay with him. But Yuuri, darling Yuuri, due to his own anxiety and self-worth issues, sees himself as holding Victor back. He ‘wants to stay in figure skating with Victor forever’, but he’s willing to give up everything he loves so Victor can be happy, no hesitations. He smiles, he doesn’t cry. Heck he’s willing to be called selfish without argument even though that’s obviously nonsense. He’s confident in this decision because it’s just what’s right to him. He’s wrong because it’s not what Victor wants, but never doubt that Yuuri is a good person, a selfless person, who would give up anything in an instant for someone he loves. 

Yuuri’s mental illness informs a lot of who he is, and it causes him to stumble and sometimes make it LOOK like he’s undervaluing people but he’s undervaluing himself, and he’s such a good person and he’s so filled with love. He’s loving and supporting and sometimes he just needs to find a way to express it and realize that it surrounds him and people love him in return, and the show is so much about that. Don’t underestimate how good a person Yuuri Katsuki is.

anonymous asked:

Honestly if pyro turns out to be anything other than a sentient giant balloonicorn I'm gonna be low key disappointed

Now that is a truly magical headcanon I could believe in.

Harry Styles - “Confessions”

I completely left this open(and have already planned) for a part two. So… if you would like a part two let me know! Enjoy! And be ready to have your heart broken.

Part Two - Part Three - Part Four


Harry sat on the edge of his bed in Los Angeles, his head in his hands, as he tried to hold back the tears and will his breathing to stay even and calm. His phone lay beside him, the screen still lit up to show him his recent calls - the last of which had just turned his world upside down. 

He eventually sits up, letting out a large sigh as his large ringed hands push through his short floppy hair, pushing it back from his forehead. His green eyes look across the room where on top of the chest of drawers sat a picture of the person he cared about most in the world. He stared at your smiling face, his own smiling face next to you and that’s when the tears came. He was going to lose you, he knew that he was. 

Just then his phone began to ring beside him. He dreaded it was her, the person who had called a few minutes before him and broke the news but instead he saw your face appear on the screen and that, in that moment, may have been worse. He picks up the phone, staring down at your picture as the phone continues to ring. 

He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t hear your voice, happy and still in love with him, when he now knew what he did. He couldn’t tell you over the phone. He had messed up, he knew that, and he had to say it to your face. After the phone finally stopped ringing he gave a sigh and pulled himself up and off the bed. 

He had things he needed to do in LA, meetings to attend, interviews to be done but he couldn’t. He needed to get to you and tell you as soon as he could so he called Jeff. He couldn’t say it though, he couldn’t tell him exactly the situation, just that he had to go home - and now. 

Once he landed in London the next day, his hands were shaking, his palms were sweaty and his breathing was shallow as he sat in the back of the car headed towards your house. He kept trying to play out and plan his words for this conversation. How would he go about it? Where could he possibly start? He had so many confessions to make and what he was most afraid of was the inevitable - losing you. He also knew he wouldn’t be able to handle that hurt, devastated, and heart-broken face that he was soon going to see before him. 

The idea brought tears to his eyes. He rubbed the back of his hand against his eyes, grinding away the tears harshly. He hated himself, his entire body was full of regret, remorse, and dread knowing that he could never take this back. 

“Hello?” Harry calls a few moments later as he enters your shared home. He knew you were home, it being your day off work and your car was parked out front but he heard nothing. “Love?” He calls out again. 

“Harry?” He finally hears from the kitchen. He couldn’t will himself to move towards your voice. He wanted to run back out the door to never have to face this situation, he wanted to pretend everything was okay. But it just wasn’t. And never would be again. “Harry!” You gasp once you see your tall, tattooed and handsome boyfriend standing in the entryway of the living room. 

“Hey.” He mutters, barely able to get his voice above a low gravel. He clears his throat and puts his bag down at his feet, sliding off his jacket. He was trying to delay this, anything to keep the truth from coming out. 

“What are you doing home? Why haven’t you answered my calls in two days?” You were full of questions but then in that moment you didn’t care. You had missed Harry so much and if he was home - that was all that mattered. So, you cross the room and burrow yourself into his chest. You wrap your arms tight around his torso, taking in that familiar scent of his cologne while his arms wrap around your shoulders. He buries his face in your hair, his eyes closing as the tears began to slide down his cheeks. This was surely the last moment he would hold you in his arms and he wanted it to last as long as possible. “What’s going on?” You question, looking up at him. You gasp when you take in his tears. “Harry, what is it?” Your mind was racing. What possibly could have happened to cause him to act like this? You reach up, brushing your thumbs under his eyes along the tracks his tears were making. 

“I messed up, love.” He finally says, his voice a quiet whisper as he stares down into your eyes. You frown, shaking your head a bit in confusion. 

“What do yo-” 

“I slept with someone.” The words were out before he could over think it. He watched the gears turn in your head as you processed this. As soon as he saw it click, you backed out of his arms, distancing yourself from him just as he knew that you would. “Please, love, i’ was while we were going through tha’ rough patch a few weeks ago. I was angry, you were angry, I didn’ know where we stood-” 

“So you fucked someone else and never told me?!” You interrupt as your blood began to boil. “You came back here acting like it was all okay?! As if nothing ever happened!” You also felt your heart break, a dull ache began in the center of your chest. Harry was the love of your life, the man you were going to spend forever with and yet .. he had hurt you in the way he always vowed he never would. 

“I jus’…” He scratches at the back of his neck, shaking his head a little as he gave a sigh. He looks at the floor, anywhere but at the hurt and angry face before him. He also noted the fact that your eyes, those gorgeous eyes of yours that he loved so much, had begun to well up with tears. “I don’ know how to make up for this bu’ tha’ isn’t all.” He knew he had to say it, he had to get everything out so just maybe, maybe, the two of you could start trying to work it out. 

“What else is there?” You cross your arms over your chest as the tears slide down your cheeks. What else could there be? Had he slept with her again? Was he leaving you for her? Your mind was racing and you weren’t sure you would be able to handle anymore of this. Harry was your life and even with him standing in front of you still you felt it might not be for too much longer and you already felt lost. 

“She called me yesterday mornin’,” He began, his eyes peaking at you through his lashes as he kept his head slightly down. 

“Okay?” You urged but felt that sense of dread begin to creep up in your head as you surely knew what was coming next. Why would you contact the man you slept with weeks before? There was really only two reasons - wanting to get together again or being pregnant. Your blood ran cold at the latter possibility. It couldn’t be that, it just couldn’t. 

“She’s… she’s pregnan’.” The words pained him to say out loud. He hadn’t spoken it since he heard her mumble it through her sobs on the other end of the phone the morning before. He saw your face crumble then. Your eyebrows furrowed together, your eyes swimming with tears, and he saw your breath hitch in your throat. 

“You got another girl pregnant.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t accusatory, it was just a statement as you took to trying to process this. Harry was going to be a father, and it wasn’t with you. This just couldn’t possibly be happening. 

“I don’ know what I’m goin’ to do, bu’ what I wan’ first is to try and make things work with you. Please, love…” He trailed off when you shook your head vigorously, the tears now falling freely down your cheeks. 

“You expect me to just forgive you for this?” You give another shake of your head. “Would you forgive me if I got pregnant by another man? If I cheated on you and got knocked up? Would you be willing to move past that?” Harry bit at his lower lip and stared at the carpet under your feet. He knew you were right, he would probably never be able to move past it if you had someone else’s child. 

“You won’ even try? For us? We’ve been together for-”

“I don’t need you to remind me how long we’ve been together, Harry! I don’t need you telling me about the life we’ve started here together because I remember, I know!” You felt your anger begin to flare up. “It was you that seems to have forgotten the life we have together while you were busy fucking someone else!” He cringes at your choice of wording as well as your now raised voice but he knew he deserved it all. You were of course right, after all. 

“Please,” He takes a step towards you, holding his large hands out towards you, his cheeks wet with his still falling tears. He felt a sob building in his chest as he felt this was it, knowing you would most likely never forgive him. “I made a mistake, I will pay for tha’ for the rest of my life but I need you.” His voice dropped off to a whisper. “Don’ give up on me.” It was then that the sob finally fell from his lips and he felt his knees give out. 

“Harry,” You whisper as you watch the man you loved fall to his knees right there in front of you, his face pressing into his hands as large gasping sobs fell from his mouth. You feel a sob of your own and you take a step closer to Harry. You fall to your knees in front of him and bring a hand up to brush through his brown hair. He lifts his head up, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes meet yours. “I don’t think I can ever forgive you.” You watch his face crumble even more as he takes in your words. 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers and the sobs resume. He then falls into your chest, his cheek burrowing into your t-shirt and his arms wrap tightly around your waist. You support his weight, your arms going around his shoulders, your fingers brushing at the hair on the back of his neck. “I’ll never forgive myself either.” He whispers through his sobs. 

You sat and held Harry, both of you crying and clinging to one another, knowing that this was it, for a good while until finally you pried him off of you and both of you stood up. 

“I think it’s best if you left.” You whisper as the two of you stood awkwardly facing each other. Harry gives a small nod, closing his eyes for a second. His eyes burned, the tears drying his eyes out but he knew he would probably spend the entire night crying. 

“Can I do somethin’, one las’ time?” You frown at him but he then takes a step closer to you and as his hand comes up to rest on your cheek you understood what he wanted. You don’t move as his face dips towards yours. You try not to return the pressure his lips press into yours but you couldn’t help it. As if by reflex you were kissing him back and bowing your body against his as your arms wrap around each other. It was as the kiss intensified and his tongue slid against yours that the reason this was to be your last kiss together reared back into your mind and you pulled away from him, breaking all contact together. 

“I can’t. I can’t do this, Harry.” You mutter, seeing that hurt and aching look in his green eyes as his chest heaved. He had hoped there for a second as he held you close again, your lips melded together perfectly like they always had, that just maybe you could forgive him. “I can’t be with you, I’m just going to picture you with her every time and I just can’t.” 

“I understand.” He gives a nod, hanging his head a bit. He pushes his fingers through his hair and looks back up at you. “I’m so sorry that I hur’ you.” He stares at you for a few seconds before backing towards the door. “I’ll always be jus’ a phone call away. I love you, with every piece of my soul.” You ignore the fresh tears sliding down your cheeks and simply give a nod. You look away from his heartbroken face and look anywhere but at him as he reaches for his bags and then a minute later was gone from the house. 

You fall to your knees right there where you stood and begin to cry into your hands, feeling like a piece of your heart had just walked out that door with Harry. 

Harry meanwhile had gone into the garage and got into his Range Rover but as soon as he was behind the wheel he rested his forehead against the steering while and let the sobs return. They were loud, chest heaving, sobs. Not only had he just lost the love of his life but he also now had to decide what he was going to do about his child on the way.