but i really tired to do that

Sometimes I feel really mediocre, you know ?

Like, I’m not particularily pretty, I want to have a sophisticated and cool fashion style but I end up dressing pretty blandly because I can’t accessorise for shit and every time I try on clothes that look cool they just look out of place on me.

I know stuff but I feel like there are always people know more about that subjects I’m passionate about that I do (namely video games, animes and stuff, I feel pretty illegitimate) or stuff that I want to know about but don’t really have the time or money to do so, like … makeup ? D&D ? Musicals and plays ? 

Heck, even if I write stuff for my blog (and I’m pretty proud of whate I write) I always find someone whose better, more analytical, smarter in what they say, more documented, EVERYTHING.

I just feel mediocre most of the time, and I guess there’s nothing wrong with that, but it gets me down really fast. 

Redamancy ; T.O.P

Requested
Characters: Seunghyun (T.O.P) / Fem ! Idol ! Reader
Genre: Slight angst, fluff, mention of blood and stabbing
A/N: i added to your request a bit~ hope you don’t mind ^^ this’ll take place in January, 2017 btw
S/N = stage name
:4NGELS is pronounced as angels

Masterlists

Originally posted by taeyangspecs

[Y/N] sighed as she stared up at the darkening sky, content with life. Another, much bigger hand was intertwined with hers as the owner followed her actions. [Y/N] smiled up at the man beside her, the famous Choi Seunghyun of BigBang.

“I’m proud of you,” Seunghyun stated, a look of adoration and pride on his face. [Y/N] grinned in gratitude, squeezing his hand gently. “I honestly didn’t think we’d win,” [Y/N] admitted sheepishly. Seunghyun clicked his tongue, bringing her into his arms, hugging her tightly. His warmth comforted her, greatly contrasting against the cold January air of New Years Day.

“Please,” he began, “you guys won a newcomer award even though you only debuted three months ago. That’s something to be proud of.” [Y/N] hummed in response, nuzzling her face into his chest. A smile etched itself onto her face at the thought of the award show.

The rookie group [Y/N] was in, :4NGELS, had in fact won an award at the prestigious Golden Disk Awards despite only having debuted a few months prior. It was quite surprising; many other rookies had been on that stage with them, and yet [Y/N]’s group won over the votes.

A peaceful silence overcame them as they started to walk again. [Y/N]’s mind wandered and she frowned. She rested her head against Seunghyun’s arm, gulping nervously. “What’s wrong?” he asked, sensing her unease.

“You’re enlisting in a few weeks,” [Y/N] mumbled, her frown deepening. Seunghyun sighed, stopping completely. 

“Don’t think about that just yet,” he said, his voice just above a whisper as he played with her hands. “Let’s just enjoy the time we have together before I go.”

“Okay.”

The peacefulness of their date was shattered when the two heard conspicuous whispering behind you. [Y/N]’s curiosity overcame her, and she turned around. Regret immediately filled her being, as the whispers turned into screams. A group of people stood behind them, both male and female, and it was obvious that they could identify the two idols, despite them wearing masks and caps.

Shit, [Y/N] thought, tugging on Seunghyun’s sleeve. Not turning around, Seunghyun broke into a sprint, taking [Y/N] with him. She could hear the sound of camera shutters and squeezed her eyes closed. “It’ll be alright,” Seunghyun said calmly, as if he weren’t running at all. “Just keep running.”

Unfortunately, a car drove past and blocked their way. Before they could maneuver around it, the group had caught up to them, surrounding and trapping them. The group shamelessly took photos, gasping to one another. Seunghyun pushed [Y/N]’s cap down, unsure of what to do. “Please let us pass-”

The group of, presumably, fans only gathered closer, this time they started asking questions. “Are you dating?” one of them asked, causing a ripple of shocked expressions within the group. “No,” another exclaimed, “they can’t be!”

[Y/N] kept her gaze to the ground, her grip tightening on Seunghyun’s jacket. She wouldn’t dare take his hand in front of the fans. “Is that [S/N]?”

[Y/N] instantly regretted not listening to Seunghyun when he suggested that they have a stay-at-home date. The glint of metal caught [Y/N]’s attention, her eyes widening in shock. She had heard of extreme sasaeng cases, but a fan wouldn’t dare threaten an idol like that, would they?  

Sadly, she was wrong. She let out an audible gasp when the fan took out a small knife. Her eyes shot to Seunghyun’s form, who was too busy trying to get the rest of the group to let them pass. It was as if time passed in slow motion as the fan crept toward [Y/N] and Seunghyun, though clearly going for him and not her.

When the fan raised his arm, [Y/N] panicked and closed her eyes, stepping toward Seunghyun.

Seunghyun suddenly felt [Y/N] slump against him. His arms immediately wrapping around her waist to keep her upright, his eyes widened when he saw the blood trickling down [Y/N]’s arm. His eyes raised to the assailant, meeting the horrified eyes of a lanky male, a bloody knife in his hand. 

“Call an ambulance,” he heard the group shout at each other. He moved his focus from the male to [Y/N] who had gone limp in his grasp. Dropping to his knees, ignoring the unwelcoming feeling of the freezing snow, he attempted to settle her in the most comfortable way possible, his shaky hands moving to her wound. “So much blood,” he gasped, the feeling of fright encasing him in its prison. True to his words, the crimson blood stained the once pure snow, leaving a pattern all of its own. 

The sound of sirens blared loudly as they neared, and it wasn’t long before paramedics arrived at his side. “We need to move her onto the gurney,” one of them called another and the gurney was at their side quickly. With the help of Seunghyun, the paramedics wheeled [Y/N] into the ambulance.

One of them made eye contact with Seunghyun. “Are you coming in?”

Nodding frantically, he jumped into the vehicle and took [Y/N]’s hands. Almost as quickly as it arrived, the ambulance sped off.


Seunghyun paced the small section in the corridor, members of BigBang, who [Y/N] had gotten close to after meeting Seunghyun in her trainee days, and :4NGELS filling the hallway. “Pacing won’t make the operation go by any faster,” Youngbae said gently, looking up at his elder with pity. Allison, a Canadian member, nodded despite the tears the flowed from her eyes. 

The three other members of [Y/N]’s group all had tears in their eyes as they huddled together, each one terrified for their leader. “It’s been hours,” Seunghyun mumbled, finally collapsing in a chair, dropping his head in his hands. Daesung bit his lip, rubbing his back comfortingly.

As if on cue, the head surgeon walked out of the operating room, blood covering his protective clothing.

[Y/N]’s blood.

“How is she?” Sonha, the youngest in [Y/N]’s group. “Will she be okay?”

The surgeon had a sympathetic expression as he took off the mask, along with his gloves and apron, and tossed it into the bin outside the door. “She’s alive.”

The group barely had time to let out a sigh of relief before he continued, a grim expression replacing his first. “However, she was stabbed in the brachial artery and lost roughly 62.5% of her blood. Luckily, we had her blood type available. If she had lost one more pint of blood, she would’ve died.”

The group exchanged nervous glances. The surgeon obviously had more to say, but none of them were sure they wanted to hear it. 

“The amount of blood that Miss. [L/N] lost was enough to induce a coma.”

The room went silent enough to have heard a pin drop.


Breaking News; Rookie Idol [Y/F/N], known as :4NGELS’ leader [S/N] was stabbed last night while out on a date with fellow idol and label mate, Choi Seunghyun from major boy group BigBang. She is currently in a coma because of Nam Jongsu, one of the few who had spotted the two idols out last night.

After being interrogated, officials revealed his statement. “I didn’t mean to stab [Y/N],” he had said in defense. When officers asked why he had targeted them, he had responded with this horrible answer. “[Y/N] was supposed to be mine. Someone like T.O.P doesn’t deserve her innocence.” He has been arrested for aggravated assault this morning–”

Seunghyun turned the TV off, not able to hear another word come out of the news reporter’s mouth. He already knew all of that; he had read a plethora of articles online and even had his manager run and grab a newspaper for him (since none of the managers wanted any of the members out).

He had also read comment after comment, each one filled with hate, that had been left on his social media. 

“It’s his fault anyway. If he wasn’t dating our [Y/N] she wouldn’t be in a coma!”

“I bet he’s jumping with glee over the attention he’s getting now…”

If anything, Seunghyun was filled to the brim with frustration. Toward [Y/N]’s attacker, toward her coma, toward the haters– he felt frustrated with everything at the moment. But at the end of the day, he had to accept the situation; he had no choice. [Y/N] was in a coma, and he had no idea when she’d wake up.

Or if.

That possibility, the if that hung in the air, was not something he could or would accept.


A month passed since [Y/N] fell in a coma and things haven’t gotten any better. The hate was piling up, VIPs sending hate toward :4NGELS while their fandom sent hate toward BigBang. Not to mention the fact that he had to act happy in front of cameras. It was exhausting and he felt as though he were mocking [Y/N]; smiling while she was confined to a hospital bed.

Hyungdon and Daejun had even asked him about the situation after filming their first Weekly Idol episode, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk about [Y/N].

And now, he stood in front of the four boys he’s spent over a decade with, his suitcase at his side. They were already shedding tears, not making eye contact as they swiped at their cheeks. “You’re going to make me cry, stop,” he mumbled, feeling the sting of tears. “You’ll see me again, it’s not like I’m leaving the country.”

“But you’re still leaving,” Jiyong mumbled through tears. Seungri looked away, patting his eyes with a tissue, before sending a sad smile in Seunghyun’s direction. “We’ll update you on [Y/N], okay?”

Seunghyun gave the youngest member a grateful smile, albeit a broken one. “Be careful,” Daesung added, not even bothering to wipe away his tears. Youngbae hit his shoulder gently, pulling a sarcastic face (although it wasn’t quite working as it was wet with tears). “You say that like he doesn’t already know.”

Upon seeing Seunghyun’s expression, Youngbae’s eyes softened. “Don’t worry,” he said, “[Y/N]’s a fighter. She’ll wake up soon.”

The five flinched when Seunghyun’s driver drove into his driveway. Following prior instructions, the driver stayed in the car, letting them have their moment.

Without saying a word, Seunghyun brought the five of them into a tight hug. “Don’t do anything stupid, alright? And if you do… don’t get caught.” Jiyong let out a broken laugh, wrapping his own arms around his fellow members.

They let go reluctantly and watched as Seunghyun grabbed his suitcase.

“I’ll see you.”


No more than three weeks after Seunghyun’s departure, nurses caught movement in [Y/N]’s hands. “She’s awake?” Kanghee, the last :4NGELS member, said after picking up the phone. Allison and Sonha crowded around her, hopeful expressions on each one’s face.

Kanghee hung up, enveloping the girls in a hug. “She’s awake!”

The drive to the hospital didn’t take long; it was barely five in the morning when they received the call, so there wasn’t much traffic. The three practically burst into tears after seeing [Y/N] sitting up in bed. The four hugged, happy tears wetting the bed sheets.

“Careful with her arm,” the nurse in the room reminded, despite the smile on her face. 

“So,” [Y/N] said after drying her eyes, “what’d I miss?”


[Y/N], to be frank, was devastated when she found out Seunghyun had already left to do the mandatory military service. She hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye. However, she didn’t have much time to grieve. She was swarmed wherever she went; reporters had even stayed outside the girls’ dorm waiting for [Y/N]. 

She had been asked about Seunghyun and the incident more times than she could count on her fingers three times over. Due to the excessive questions, Yang Hyunsuk had even given her permission to confirm the dating rumours.

Although, she hadn’t even heard from Seunghyun. A feeling of dread filled her once she read hate comments on almost all of BigBang’s social media, all directed toward Seunghyun, and all about her. “What if he wants to break up because of this?” she had asked Kanghee.

She wasn’t able to answer.


After [Y/N]’s arm was almost completely healed, which took more three months, YG Ent. had announced :4NGELS first ever outdoor concert to commemorate [Y/N]’s recovery. According to Hyunsuk, one of the ‘pros’ of getting stabbed was the popularity that followed.

“We’re going to do great,” [Y/N] said, raising a fist once the girls circled her. “I’m nervous,” Sonha mumbled, clinging onto [Y/N]’s uninjured arm. Makeup artists were currently hiding the scar on her injured one, much to her discomfort.

“You’re on in twenty-five seconds,” a staff member called. The girls quickly straightened themselves out, letting out nervous breaths. “Let’s do this,” Allison breathed, a bright smile on her face.

Fighting!”


Time passed too quickly for [Y/N]’s liking and the concert was nearing an end. The guitarist from their last cover, Butterfly by BTS, quickly left the stage, another staff member taking his place. [Y/N] looked around, confused when the staff member wrapped a blindfold around her head, taking away her vision.

“What’s going on?” she asked into the microphone. The crowd buzzed with excitement and confusion mixed together. “We have a special surprise for our leader,” she heard Kanghee sing. 

“Is it food?”

The crowd laughed at [Y/N]’s guess before erupting in screams. She could hear numerous things being called out, but amongst them one stood out.

“Seunghyun!”

She felt the blindfold being loosened and before her was Choi Seunghyun in the flesh. The crowd grew quiet, all eager to see what would happen. Sonha gave Seunghyun her microphone. “Hello,” he said with a smile.

[Y/N] couldn’t speak, her hand covered her mouth as her eyes shone with tears. 

“I missed you.”

The crowd screamed at his sudden proclamation, but [Y/N] tuned it out, moving forward to give Seunghyun a hug.

Any doubt [Y/N] once had about Seunghyun vanished into thin air. Her love, in the end, was returned in full.

I’m angry. I have been, for weeks now.

I didn’t want to make a post or say anything because I don’t think enough people will notice or care. But fuck that, because I’ve got something to say.

I’m a fanfic writer for Haikyuu, I’ve been one for over a year; going on two. I’ve written 50 fics for this fandom, and I’ve been posting one fic or chapter update every week since the beginning of this year.

I write because I love writing, because I have a lot of ideas, and because I love the characters. I post my work because I think other people might enjoy my work, too.

But I’m also sick of it.

I’m sick of spending all my free time on writing only to get ten notes max on my fics on tumblr. Which, you know - it might just be that people don’t like my work. But it’s not just me.
I’ve participated in events, and if you look at the pages for any fandom-related project that includes artists and writers, I can assure you that you’ll always find the same thing: art with over a thousand notes per pic, and fics with less than twenty.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the art that people are creating in the fandom, just as much as the next person. I buy every zine I can get my hands on. I commission artists when I can.

Recently, I commissioned a writer. I didn’t even know that was a thing until a couple months ago, and even then, I’ve seen writers offer 1k words or more for as little as 3$. Are you fucking kidding me. I paid 25$ for 4k and I wish I could have tipped more.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m done with this.

I’ve been thinking every single day for the last three weeks that I want to just say I’m not going to be writing anymore. Because I’ve got no more energy for this. I’ve got enough other shit going on, and constantly being angry about how writers are treated is not helping, and it’s not something I can turn off. Every day I’ve been thinking “you should just go. For your sake. Stop this shit.”

I can’t do that. When I finally reached that point, and made the decision today that I’d stop, I’m done, I’m out - I immediately felt AWFUL. I love writing, and I love the friends I’ve made through it. I get really sweet and supportive comments sometimes. I feel like my work has maybe impacted a handful of people.

But I hate this. I hate the way the fandom treats us. I hate getting 1k hits and 2 comments. I hate getting 20 notes, only one of which is a reblog. Who’s going to see my work? No one. I hate it, and I don’t know what to do about it.

I guess that’s all. Expect a new fic from me next week, as always. Because as much as I hate it, I can’t leave. But I’m done pretending I’m not angry. Because I am.

ridersofdickhan  asked:

tell us a story about an insect

parker insists that he doesnt normally sleepwalk. 

i have no idea if its true or not; for the sake of anyone who lives with him (myself occasionally included) i hope it is. 

however. when he’s sleeping off a few injuries and is pain-medicated enough that its effective on his jacked up metabolism, he does

which would not normally be a big deal. thor sleepwalks too, and the only problem with that is he sleeps naked. so i thought nothing of it when peterbird wandered into the common room late at night with his eyes closed. he kinda just showed up and then stood there, so i figured id let him be and went off to go make myself some hot chocolate. ten or so minutes later, i stepped around the divider wall back to the common room. 

and promptly had the everloving daylights scared out of me. 

why? you ask, why were ten precious years scared off your ridiculous life, bucky???

well. because parker was standing right on the other side of the wall, about two inches from my face. with an alarmingly vacant expression on his face. because he was sleepwalking. 

he was sleepwalking on the fucking ceiling

its au time you sons of hecks

Keep reading

Season 3 is confirmed for september and i want to play more with Lotor’s design  

4

What are girlfriends for ? ♥

I always find it amusing when they start “dating” someone during promo time. They want us to believe that they had all these months of just chilling and doing nothing and didn’t bother to date once, but the second they get busy and are flying all over the place, that is when they suddenly feel the need to date someone. Yeah, right. They just make everything so obvious. I mean he literally said that he hadn’t dated in forever like a month ago in the first promo interview, and then boom “Harry has a girlfriend.” two seconds later as he promotes the album the rest of the time.

8

she wasn’t interested in telling
other people’s f u t u r e s
 she was interested in going out
and finding h e r own

 lee ji eun as b l u e  s a r g e n t — the raven cycle

evakerlitvet  asked:

Hi Jo!So I'm super excited for the next ep, I'm hoping that it'll fix all of the mistakes that were made in 2x07. until that, let me sneak in a random question into your ask box: do you think malec call each other nicknames/pet names?

Hi Nitsa! Same here, I’m excited and I hope my internet here is strong enough to sustain my livestream~

I mean, we all know Magnus uses pet names with like, everybody. Biscuit here, darling there, sweetheart over at the back. So Alec isn’t surprised when he’s fumbling around the kitchen and Magnus shows up, one hand combing through bed hair and another muffling a yawn and mumbles out “what’s cooking, pumpkin?” As much as Alec thinks that’s endearing, he hates that he has to suppress the idea that he has used the nickname on one too many lovers. So the next time they’re kissing in bed; hands under each other’s shirts, long legs tangled in an organised mess and Alec slides his fingers along Magnus’ ribcage just right, tearing a breathless “Alexander” out of him, Alec steels himself. 

“I love it when you call me that,” Alec pauses, a few seconds longer, betraying the casual tone of his voice. And Magnus is astute, even when he’s seconds away from dragging Alec down towards him because his lips are not where they should be, and he drags out, voice thick as honey, “Of course, my Alexander”, with a steady gaze. And Alec knows that Magnus gets it, and he finally seals Magnus’ lips with his.

-

Alec’s awkward with nicknames. Now that he’s thinking about it, he realises that the only one whom he calls with a nickname is Izzy and doesn’t everyone call her that? Well, except Magnus; and now that he’s thinking of him, he’s troubled over whether Magnus would like to have that: a pet name. Darling? Too common, Magnus practically calls everybody that. Baby? No way, he’d rather die than have to call someone that. Mags? Alec makes a face. 

“What’s with that face? Wait, don’t tell me Izzy made this,” Jace glares at the spoonful of stew he was about to put into his mouth and his eyes dart between Alec and the pot in between them. Alec’s confused for a moment but he shakes his head and puts his spoon down, to which Jace sighs in relief and shoves the spoon into his mouth. 

“Jace, what did you call your…girlfriends? I mean, did you call each other using pet names? Does it come naturally? Like, how do you suddenly go from calling someone by name to calling them by something else? What’s that something else? How-”

“Wait, wait, wait. Slow it down, bud. Are you talking about things like babe, princess or things like that?” Alec nods solemnly at the question and Jace’s confusion suddenly turns to smugness. He was about to make a jab at that but Alec shook his head and Jace dropped it out of kindness from seeing his parabatai so troubled. He merely shrugs and offers, “Don’t think too much about it; it’s gonna come out forced if you overthink it, and yes, I can totally see you overthinking right now so don’t even deny it, I know you Alec,” Alec huffs but he takes the advice to heart and tries not to wince when he has to get his boyfriend’s attention and has to settle for “Magnus”. 

And when it finally happens, he just has to mess it up, or so he thinks, when he picks up a phone call mid-mission and in his distraction, he answers with, “Hi love, what’s up,” after which there’s a silence that’s a beat too long and Alec realises that he’s fucked up because he hasn’t even said the three words and this order is totally wrong and oh god, Magnus doesn’t feel the same yet, does he? He’s this close to flinging his phone to the furthest end of the world when Magnus clears his throat and replies, voice a little unsteady, “Well, Alexander, I love you too, if that’s what you were trying to say,” and Alec is amazed by how Magnus always knows and never in his life had he wanted to be a warlock so badly just so he could portal to right where Magnus was and kiss the stars out of him.

3

Furudate Haruichi-sensei’s sketch!! Special Manga. 

[translation.