but i picked jackie

*picks mic* this one is for Jacki @gonecrabbin, I’ve embraced the curse, I shall now live with hsm songs stuck in my head.

Thank you, you big nerd for making my life happier with the cheesiest songs and the loveliest art. Happy birthday!

Got home from work to find an adorable kitten playing by my front door


Me: *picks it up*


Kitten: *bites the living shit out of me*

….I’m such an idiot 

Imagine(Ronnie Radke) Willow's nanny *SMUT*



-Chrissy, do you think that Warped is the right place for Willow? She is only 3. I say

-Ronnie, I know, but she misses you. She keeps on asking to see you. She says through the phone.

-Fine, fine. I am going to discuss it with the guys and call you later. I say and hang up. I sigh and Jacky comes next to me.

-You alright dude? He asks

-We are going to discuss about it on the meeting. I say and we walk inside the office. I take a sit and we wait for our manager.

-Ok guys, let’s discuss about Warped. Tom, our tour manager says.

-Guys, I have a slight problem. I say, biting the inside of my cheek

-Speak up. Ron says

-Well, Willow has missed me and Chrissy suggested that I take her with me for 2 months or so. So I think that I might need a nanny with me. So that means 2 extra bunks- for the nanny and Willow- and your final permission. I say. Jacky hesitantly speaks up.

-You know we love Willow. But you also know that it is going to be difficult. Apart from that, I am in. He says smiling. The rest of the guys nod smiling.

-Thank you guys. It means a lot to me. I say.

-Now, does anyone of you has a girl that is suitable for the nanny’s position and that would like to come with us for the whole summer? I ask.

-My cousin could come. Jacky says that more like a question.

-Your cousin? Who? I ask

-(Y/N), she has recently moved in Cali. Jacky says.

-Could you call her and ask her if we could meet to talk about the details? I ask

-Yeah, sure. He says, picking up his phone out of his pocket.


I sigh, tearing the last box of my belongings. You see after moving to Cali, I have to organize again my whole stuff, my whole life. Although I am exhausted, I couldn’t be happier: It’s a new beginning. I finally live all alone. When I was in university, I had roommates. So now, I can finally do whatever I want.

Once I put the last thing to its place, I hear my phone ring, “Hollow Bodies” by “Bless The Fall” blasting through the speaker. I begin head banging, walking to the coffee table, where my phone rests. I pick it up and see the Caller’s ID. It’s my cousin Jacky. We hang out a lot, now that I am here.

-Hey Jacky. I say excitedly

-Hey (Y/N). How are you? He asks

-Good. I’ve just finished unpacking my stuff. I say

-Great. Listen, I know you know about Warped Tour. He says

-Yeah. I sigh. Truth is that I wanna go, but with the new apartment, I can’t afford it

-Well, you know Ronnie, the front man of my band? He asks and I innerly groan. Truth is that from what I’ve heard, I think he is an asshole.

-Yeah, I know him. I calmly say

-Well, he needs a nanny for his daughter. He is going to take her with us on Warped. Are you interested? He asks and myself battles between my opinion about him and the money I could make.

-Umh, give me 5 minutes to think and I’ll call you up. I say and hang up. I sigh, dropping my body on the couch.

I grab a paper and a pen and write down the prons and cons.


1. Money

2. Warped Tour

3. Practice on something I’ve studied

4. Hot Band Members

5. Time with cousin Jacky


1. I hate Ronnie

I grab my phone sighing and call Jacky, who picks up immediately.

-Hey (Y/N). He says

-Look, I need to talk to him. I say

-Uhm… ok, wait. He says. I wait, drumming my fingers on the table

-(Y/N), Ronnie asks if you could meet him on Starbucks near my place in an hour. Jacky asks.

-Are you going to be there too? I ask.

-Yeah, ok, sure. See you in there. He says and I hang up. I sigh and begin getting ready, physically and emotionally.

I walk to the bathroom and begin showering, humming “Bulletproof Love” by “Pierce The Veil”. I apply a candy-scented shower gel from “Body Shop”. I rinse it and turn off the tap. I wrap a towel around me and walk to my room. I throw my hair into a high messy bun, in an effort to avoid dying from all that heat. I open my closet and pick up a pair of jean shorts and a “Bless The Fall” tank top. I get dressed and do my make-up: BB cream with SPF, mascara, eyeliner and some ChapStick. I grab my phone, keys and wallet and throw them in my bag. I exit my apartment and begin walking to the Starbucks close to Jacky’s place.


Once the meeting is over, we drive to the place we are meeting with Jacky’s cousin

-So, how does she looks like? I ask

-Radke, your hands off my cousin. Jacky growls

-Ok, ok. I say, raising my hands in surrender. We pull over to the parking lot and jump off the car. We head to the entrance and there’s a girl in her early 20s. She is really pretty, medium height, with curves in all the right places, with brunette hair. I can see some tattoos on her arm and my only thoughts are:

1. Please Lord, make her not be Jacky’s cousin

2. If she is, I am totally damned.

I snap out of my thoughts by Jacky introducing us

-Ronnie, this is my cousin (Y/N). (Y/N), this is Ronnie my friend and band mate. Jacky says and I extend my hand. She smiles and we shake hands. Her smile is as cute as her.

-Nice to meet you. I say

-Nice to meet you too. She says

-Let’s get inside. Jacky says, opening the door. I motion for (Y/N) to walk first and she does. I try to contain myself but I can’t help but check her out. Her “behind” is brilliant. And I am so damned

-So, what are you guys getting? Jacky asks

-A caramel frappe. (Y/N) says, reaching her purse to hand Jacky money

-I’ll get the same and everything is on me. I say and quickly hand Jacky a 50$ bill

-No. (Y/N) complains, handing him a 20

-I can pay for my order. She says glaring at me. She is so fuckable right now.

-Sorry kiddo. Your money are no good for me. I say grabbing her money from Jacky and handing them back to her. Jacky giggles and walks away.

-I see that you have a great taste in music. I say trying to break the ice.

-Yeah, this kind of music was always my escape. Whenever I am mad, I just let the screamer scream for me. It calms me down. She finishes off. Wow, I am officially so screwed.


-So tell me about your daughter. I say, trying to get some information

-Well, she is 3. Her name is Willow, music calms her too. She is energetic. Here I have plenty of her pictures in my phone. He says handing me his phone. I see a picture that he holds her in his arms and they laugh.

-She is really cute. I smile handing him back his phone.

-Wait until you meet her. She is a heart-melter. He says. He may not be that bad at all

-So, let’s talk about my duties. I say

-Well, Jacky told me that you are a kinder garden teacher. He says

-Yeah, I’ve just graduated. I say

-Well,all I need you to do is take care of her and play with her while I am performing or signing or I am out. You will have a day off every 2 weeks and the payment is really good: I was thinking about 2000$ a month for 2 and a half months. And all of your expenses are covered: You are staying with us in the bus, you are having your own bunk, you are eating with us and you can go to shows when I am talking care of her. He finishes off and Jacky comes with our coffees. He takes the spot next to me and says.

-Plus, you are going to be with me all summer. He sips his coffee. I sip mine and say.

-I am in. When do I start?

-Thank you. You don’t know how much it really means to me. I appreciate it a lot. Warped begins in 2 weeks, so you have plenty of time to get ready and explain to your boyfriend that you are going to spend the whole summer with a bunch of guys. He says and I turn to Jacky looking at me wide eyed. I laugh

-I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve just moved in here. I barely have friends. I say dramatically and they laugh

-But I hope that I’ll meet a hot band member, make him fall for me and give an end to my single life. I state


-I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve just moved in here. I barely have friends. She states and I innerly sigh.

-But I hope that I’ll meet a hot band member, make him fall for me and give an end to my single life. She says giggling. “No you are mine” I think to myself. Wait you’ve just met her. Oh boy, it’s going to be a long summer.


-(Y/N), (Y/N). Willow shouts. I’ve just woken up and I am heading to the bathroom.

-What’s up kiddo? I fall to my knees, trying to get as close to her height as I can.

-Can we pwease go to dadda’s concert? She says, bringing her hands together, begging me

-If your dad says “yes”, it’s fine by me. I say and she runs to Ronnie’s bunk.

I continue my way to the bathroom. I can hear Ronnie’s sleepy voice; God it’s so sexy. Truth is that he has managed to change my mind about him. He is just so sweet, sexy, caring, funny and nowhere near like the image of the bad boy they are presenting him.

Once I finish with the bathroom, I exit it and Willow runs to me as fast and steady her little chubby legs can run.

-(Y/N), dadda says we can go. She says clapping her palms.

-Yeahy…. I say excitedly and pick her up.

-(Y/N), why are you dwessed like a dwoll? She asks. Truth is that I decided to wear a simple skater dress, braid my hair and do my make up to perfection, to make Ronnie notice me more like a woman.

-I don’t know. I lie


-Girls, are you ready? I ask and my jaw drops. (Y/N) looks the best a person can look

-Dadda, dwoesn’t (Y/N) look likwe a dwoll? Willow asks.

-Sure she does. I say. Man, I can’t take my eyes off her. But then I remember what Jacky has told me “Radke, your hands off my cousin”

-Wow, where is this chicka heading to? Jacky asks (Y/N) kissing her cheek. I have to admit that Jacky getting to hug and kiss (Y/N) makes me jealous; I want her for me and only me, but I can’t have her.

-I was actually heading to Willow’s bunk to pick out an outfit from her suitcase. She states

-The girls are coming with us today. I proudly announce.


The guys are killing “The Drug In Me Is You”. Willow is sitting on my shoulders and we are dancing along with the music

-Hey (Y/N). Justin Hills from Sleeping With Sirens says, approaching me.

-Hey Hills. I high-five him. I met him in the beginning of the tour and since then we hang out a lot, but not more than friends.

-Hey little kiddo. He says, messing with Willow’s hair

-Hey Justin. She says giggling

-So, (Y/N), are you coming to the party tonight? He asks

-I don’t know. I sigh

-Ok. Text me later cutie. He says and hugs me, whilst he kisses Willow’s cheek


We’ve just finished the show and we are heading backstage, when I catch a glimpse of Hills hugging (Y/N). “No, your hands off her. She is mine” I scream on the inside. We walk backstage and I see Jenna McDougal walking next to (Y/N) and Willow.

-Awww, she is just so cute. Is it hard to take care of her? She asks her and (Y/N) shrugs

-Sometimes… But she is my little princess. She says

-Dadda… Willow cheers and I climb her off (Y/N)’s shoulders

-You did great Ronnie. (Y/N) says smiling.

-Thanks. I mumble


I plop on the couch.

-Ronnie, can I talk to you for a sec? Jenna McDougal asks

-Yeah, sure. I say

-So, I was talking with (Y/N) earlier and she told me about that party tonight. She would like to go, but she knows that you want to go too. She didn’t ask me to, I am suggesting that I keep Willow for tonight so you can both go. I am not going to the party, neither the guys. She finishes off

-Are you sure? I ask

-I can do that. She says

-Fine then. I say


-(Y/N), are you tugging along? Jacky asks

-Nah, I’ll just crash in here. Have fun thought. I say walking to the kitchen. The guys say “Goodbye” and I wish them fun. On my way to the kitchen, I find Ronnie on the couch.

-Aren’t you going with them? I ask.

-I was about to ask you the same thing. He says

-I feel like staying in tonight. How about you? Why did you stay? I ask him.

-(Y/N) we need to talk. He sags and my blood freezes.

-Sure… I say and he motions me to sit next to him on the couch. I take my sit, sitting Indian style.

-Uhm… I don’t know from where to begin. He says


It’s either now or never. I want her to be mine. I want her to be happy and I know I can make her feel that way.

-I like you. I say resting my hand on her knee, running my thumb across it.

-I like you too. She smiles

-No, I mean I like you as a woman. I breath out. She just stares at me questionably.

-I am attracted to you. I’ve liked you since that day at Starbucks. And it is not just that you are pretty; you are smart, caring, playful, your smile is just the sweetest thing. I think I’m…. She just leans in and kisses me. I kiss her back instantly, feeling her soft lips moving in perfect sync with mine. I wrap my hands around her waist, to bring her closer to my body.

I run my hands across her ribcage. I feel her out of breath, so I pull away

-Ronnie, please don’t stop. She says pleadingly

-Not here. I say standing up

-Jump. I command and she jumps on my back. I begin carrying her to the bunks and she begins kissing and biting on my neck, giving me goosebumps. I moan and decide to head to the back lounge.

Once we are in, I lock the door and search through the first aid box for condoms. I pick it up and softly throw (Y/N) on the couch. I look into her eyes

-Yes Ronnie, I am sure. She says

-Are you reading my mind? I ask her in my husky voice

-Mhhhhmmhh…Maybe. She breathes, close to my face. I reattach our lips and slide my hand down to her hipbones. I begin tracing small signs on her body and I see her erupting in goosebumps. She moans into our kiss and I raise her tank top, trailing kisses down from her stomach to the waistband of her cotton shorts

-Please, do something. She moans. I slide my hand inside her panties to feel that she is already wet.

-Wet for me. I say kissing her lips once more. I run my tongue across her bottom lip asking for permission. She opens her mouth slightly and I explore her mouth.

Our tongues dance together, battling for dominance. I win and smirk, never separating our lips. I begin taking off her tank top, slowly and touching her skin in the process. I pause the kiss to take her top completely off. I reach the clasp of her bra behind her back and unclasp it, letting her big amazingly shaped natural boobs free.

I begin kissing all the way from her jaw to her boobs, sucking a bit hard on her collarbone, leaving small purple love bites and hickeys. I bring my hands to her breasts massaging them and running my fingers across her nipples, tracing small circles. She moans softly and scratches my back. I take her nipple into my mouth, rolling my tongue against her “rose”, sucking and lightly biting it. I make sure that it is nice and rough before going to the other breast, repeating the process.

When I am done, I begin kissing down her stomach. I pull her shorts down and take the waistband of her panties between my teeth, pulling them down to her ankles. She kicks them completely off and I spread her legs. I kiss her thighs, all the way up to her folds. I stop and blow some air into her; I hear her moan my name and I get even more aroused. I kiss her clit and she groans in pleasure. I run my tongue across her folds quickly. I feel her tense up. I insert my tongue in her entrance, making her gasp for air. I slide it in and out, licking every inch of her walls. I go deeper and once I hit a spot she moans and screams

-Do it again. She orders and I do it repeatedly. I remove my tongue from her vagina and kiss the way up to her swollen clit. I insert a single finger inside her and pump it in and out, forcefully and fast. I take her clit in my mouth, sucking, biting and drawing sloppy signs with my tongue on it. I continue and insert another finger, making her gulp.

-Ronnie, you are so fucking good. She shouts. I just smirk and she grabs my hair, pulling them a bit. I suck harder, curling my fingers and bringing her to her edge. I feel her walls tighten around my digits. I release her clit and begin running my tongue up and down her folds.

-Ronnie…I am so fucking close. She whispers/yells violently, shifting from her position, bucking her hips up and arching her back. With my free hand I keep her steady, continuing my job. With one more pump, she releases her load on my fingers. I remove them and bring them to my mouth, tasting every drop of her sweet juices.

-You taste amazing. I could eat you everyday. I say and kiss her.

We begin making out, laying on the couch. She runs her hand across my chest and down, stopping on my bulge. She begins palming me through the thin fabric, making me moan. She masterly runs her fingers, tracing circles towards the tip. She removes her hands and brings them to the hem of my t-shirt, raising it above my head. She takes my shorts off with her legs and begins palming me again, making me as hard as I can be.

-Ronnie, please fuck me already. She huskily whispers. I nod, giving her one last peck on the lips. I tear the package of the condom, rolling it on my erection and go back to her.


I see him rolling the condom onto his obviously big member “He is enormous” I think to myself.

-Thanks babe. He winks

-Did I say that aloud? I ask.

-Mhmh… maybe. He says laying on top of me. He kisses me deeply, passionately, lustfully and roughly. He runs his hands across my boobs, making me moan. He stops and looks into my eyes.

-Are you sure? He asks,positioning himself in front of my entrance.

-Yes. I answer and he slides inside me, softly, giving me time to adjust. His size is fulfilling my “gap”, aching a bit in the beginning. I gasp and try to control my breath. He sensually runs his fingers up and down my inner thigh

-You can move. I say, getting more comfortable. He nods and begins thrusting into me carefully and softly. He rapidly gains force and speed, trying his best to satisfy me. I pull him down for a kiss, running my nails in his back deeply., leaving red marks. He forcefully shoves his shaft into me, hitting my spot, making me pant. He begins sucking on my neck, leaving deep purple marks. He thrusts again and again, building the knot in my stomach. He brings his hand on my clit, rubbing it tenderly. I throw my head back from the pleasure, profanities leaving my lips.

-RONNIE. SO. FUCKING. CLOSE. I scream in a complete state of pleasure.

-Let it go baby girl. He growls next to my ear, kissing the spot under it and biting my earlobe. With one more thrust, I come undone, screaming and gasping, throwing profanities and curses. He simultaneously growls and swears, rolling off me.

He gets up and throws the condom in the waist bin. He comes back, picking his underwear& t-shirt from the floor. He hands me his t-shirt and I put it on while he slips in his underwear. He grabs me by my wrist and we lay on the couch, me on top of him.

-As I previously said: I like you. He says running his fingers through my hair

-I like you too. I state. He embraces my waist tighter and kisses my forehead.

-I have 2 questions. He says

-Bring it on Radke. I say playfully.

-1. Will you go out with me? He asks, his eyes full of hope. I don’t answer, I simply kiss him on the lips.

-Great. And 2. Who is going to tell Jacky? He playfully asks.

-I’ll take the bullet. I state, resting my head on his chest. We just stayed there til

Gift for Orenjimaru

Written by @drel-etons for @orenjimaru Available on AO3

Jack Morrison groggily rolled over and tried to shield his eyes from the sunlight that streamed in through the windows— a gentle reminder that it was time to wake with the rest of the world. But really, Jack wanted nothing more than to stay in bed.

  Why worry, I’ve got everything I want right here: I’m retired, I live in a decent house, and I have my husband right he—

Jack suddenly realized that the bed was lacking a weight on the other side and he quickly fumbled around, feeling for what should be there.

In a moment of panic he threw off the covers, swung his legs over the bed, and stumbled out of the room.

  Where was Gabe?? Oh god, it’s Talon. They just can’t leave well enough alone, can they?

As he was running, Jack picked up a smell…. Somewhat fruity, a little spicy, and…. Was that coffee?

He slowed down and rounded the corner into the kitchen and found his husband standing there in front of the stove. A pitcher of orange juice was on the counter to his left and just to the right sat Gabriel’s favorite mug (it read: #1 Old Guy Love, Jesse) half full of coffee.

At the sound of strained breathing, Gabriel turned and found Jack nearly out of breath in the doorway. He put down his spatula and hurried to Jack’s side.

“Jackie, is everything alright?” Gabe fussed over Jack, trying to physically check for anything out of the ordinary.

Jack smiled to himself and let out a breathless chuckle.  Of course he’s here. There’s nowhere else he would be; Talon’s long gone, the war’s been over for 4 years.

He reached out and put a hand on Gabe’s shoulder reassuringly, “Yeah. Yeah, Gabi, everything’s fine. Just forgot is all….thought you were gone.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened and a look of concern washed over his features. “Oh. No, Jack. Jack I’m right here. Everything’s fine; was it the nightmares again?”

“Yeah. That’s what it was; I woke up and you weren’t there and I….” Jack paused and tears began welling up in the corners of his eyes, “I thought I had lost you again.”

Keep reading

Hello, baby - Alternate Ending

My body aches as I heave into the toilet time and time again. My mind thinking of the positive test that Jackie has hiding some where. 
J still isn’t back from his meeting but I can’t figure out what to do next.

Jackie walks back into the bathroom, “Whats the plan dear? Is there anything you want me to do?” She comes and rubs her hand on my back.

I sit up and lean against the wall next to the toilet and rest my head back, “I don’t know. I, I have no clue.” I look at her and she has taken a seat next to me, “Should I leave? Do you think that will make it easier?” 

She lets out a sigh and places her hand on my knee, “I really don’t think that is best, but this is your decision sweetie. I can’t tell you what to do, but I think he deserves to know.” 

She sits there with me as time passes and my stomach settles. I don’t even know how to tell him, what would I even say. I let out a deep sigh thinking of his reactions. 
We hear the door open and jackie is quick to her feet and helps me up as well, I grab a cap full of mouthwash and swish it around quickly. I make my way to the bed and shuffle the sheets like I have been sleeping, Jackie picks up the tray that she brought up earlier and walks out the bedroom door like nothing happened. 
“How is she?” I hear his voice ring from the stairs.

“I believe she is feeling better, Mr. J.” the sound of her footsteps disappear and the sound of his grow louder.

“Ahhh, my darling baby girl. How are ya feeling?” He walks over to my bedside and places his hand on my forehead. 

“Im feeling better. I think it was just the stomach flu or something.” I examine him, I missed him.
He has a few drops on blood on his chest and a sick feeling comes over me. How can we bring a child into this world, into our world.
I run my finger over the dried drops, “Missed a spot.” 

“I always try to clean up for you Doll.” He laughs walking into the bathroom. He returns and his shirt is off and he cleaned up what was left of another mans blood. 

I must of been staring at him, my eyes hazed over just lost in my own thoughts of a small child hugging their father and blood transferring onto their cheek. 

“You alright doll?” He looks at me confused and breaks me from my own horror story. 

“Yeah, yeah Im fine.” i force a smile at him, it quickly fades and i bite my lip. 
I can feel his eyes on me, he knows something is wrong. 
I look at him briefly but his hard glare is too much to handle, i glance down.

“What?” He asks sternly.

“Nothing.” I get up and try to walk out of the bedroom. 

“What is it!” He grabs my arm and turns me to face him and slams my back against the door.

“It’s nothing baby.” I try to convince him and reach my hand up to his face, i rub my thumb against his cheekbone, “I just missed you daddy.” I pull his face to mine softly, bringing our lips together. 
He kisses back, his hands that were fists on the sides of me have now turned to open hands, he presses himself against me.

“You know exactly what daddy wants.” He purrs and picks me up and my legs wrap around his waist.

Originally posted by iloveyoualwaysssforever

He lays me back on the bed and I keep my legs around him holding him close to me as our tongues fight.
For me, this is the most emotional support im going to get from J, i take advantage of the soft touches he gives me in these moments.
His hands caressing my sides as he slides my shirt off, he brushes my hair out if my face as he kisses me, he runs his hand down my thigh pushing my shorts and underwear off, i moan in his mouth and he bites my lip as he pulls away.
He buries his face in my neck and grazes his teeth against my collarbone, his rough silver grille gives small tears in my skin and i moan, he kisses over the marks he just left and gives a strong bite on my shoulder, I wrap my legs around him tighter, bringing him closer to me.
I wrap my arms around his neck and he stands up with me wrapped around him. He undoes his pants with one hand and he walks to the nearest empty wall and pushes me against it. I loosen my legs around his waist and he has his hands gripping my thighs. I can feel the tip of him.
“Daddy, please.” I moan and lean my head against the wall.
“What baby girl, tell daddy what you want.” He lifts his hips so I feel more of him, he growls and kisses my neck.
“I want you, daddy! I want you to fuck me.” I moan as he starts to nibble on my flesh.
He lifts his hips and thrusts inside me, i let out a scream of pleasure. 
he has me pinned against the wall with my hands over my head and my legs and wrapped around his waist as his force increases, he is breathing hard and my chest is rising and falling with his. 
“Daddy! Don’t stop!” I moan out.
His mouth covers mine and he keeps the rhythm going. Its like fire is running through us, he feels so different but maybe thats because Im a little more emotional right now.
Even his rough touch feels comforting, the ecstasy between us is intense. 
Every moan he makes brings me closer to the edge, he picks up the pace and he lets my hands go and i dig into his back, he has his arms wrapped around me, holding me in place. 
“Daddy!” I moan out again.
“No!” He lets out a grunt, “Not yet baby girl.” He growls at me.
I bite my lip and bring his face to mine and his kiss him, our kiss is in and out between the heavy breathing coming from us, but our lips meet again after each breath. 
His thrust and hard and fast and he is hitting my spot, I moan loud and run my fingers up the back of his hair.
“Please daddy, let me!” I moan, i beg.
He slows down and he pushed himself deep inside me, i scream his name.
“Fuck, now baby.” He lets out a loud, deep moan.
Feeling him release has me thrown over and I let out a loud moan as well. My arms fall weak around him and his shoulders give off a tremble as he pulls out of me.
He picks me up and sets me on the bed. I scoot to my side and curl under the sheets with my back facing him. I hear him shuffling around and sliding on new boxers, he gets in bed next to me and brings me close to him.
I almost don’t want him holding me, it feels like something i know its not.
We stay there for a few moments, his thumb running down my arm as he keeps me in a tight embrace.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” I whisper, gently pulling his arms off me. Keeping this secret from him is making me feel sick.

“What are you talking about?” He sits up on his elbows looking at the back of me.

“This, pulling me close to you, I know you don’t like it, I know you do it for me. Its like your way of showing you love m…” I don’t get to finish.

He gets up and walks out of the bedroom door and slams it on his way out.

“Shit.” I can feel my emotions start to take over, my heart feels heavy, tears start forming.
I stay curled up and I can’t hold back crying now, soaking the pillow. The crying turns to sobbing and I have to sit up from my chest hurting, i lean my head back and I can’t seem to get ahold of myself, my sobs are loud, hiccuping for air. 
J walks back in, slowly opening the door and watching me, he closes it behind him and comes back into bed. He sits up next to me and brings me close to him. My head resting on his chest and my legs are curled up on the side of him. 

“You know this darling. You have always known. I can’t love you.” He lets out a sigh and pets my head, smoothing my hair, “Don’t make this mistake again.”

He cares for me and he needs me, why can’t that be enough.
My sobs become soft, “I, we need.” and I sit up and look at him, I let him really look at me, his eyes stare deep into mine and I feel him growing impatient but I can’t finish the sentence. 

“What is going on!” He demands, his hands hold my face, keeping his stare. 

“I love you.” I rip my face away.
I walk into the closet and throw on a robe and leave the bedroom with the door open. I walk downstairs and open the door to the backyard and sit on the bench. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.

“Why me, why, why, why. How can I be so stupid. How could I let this happen.” Im mumbling the words under my breath. 

“Let what happen?” Lucas comes and takes a seat by me.

I lift my head up and look at him, i wrap my arms around him and squeeze him tight, he doesn’t return the hug due to J being home and I understand. I sit back and he gives me a worried look. 

“Whats going on Kat?” He leans close and whispers.

“Lucas, can you promise to keep this between us?” I keep my eyes focused on the door making sure no one is coming.

He nods, “Yeah Kat, just tell me, everything is ok, right?”

I bite my lip, “I’m pregnant.” It escapes me with a sigh of relief.

His eyes open wide, and he scoots back from me, “What!” His voice is loud.

“Lucas! Shh! Please!” My voice is a loud whisper.

“Sorry, does he know?” He questions leaning back into the conversation.

“No, I plan on telling him I just don’t know when. Please don’t say a word!” My voice shakes realizing I just said it out loud.

“I won’t say a thing Kat.” He pats me on the knee.

“I, I shouldn’t have told you. He needs to be the first to know. Im sorry.” I get up quickly and walk inside.

I need to clear my head, I head upstairs to take a shower. I walk into the bedroom and J is sitting on the edge of the bed with his face buried in his hands. There is a hole punched in the wall across from him. I pit settles in my stomach. 

“J?” I try to get his attention, he doesn’t respond. I walk a few steps closer, “J?” I say a little louder.

“What?” His voice full of rage. 

“Whats wrong?” I walks over to him and kneel down, resting my hand on his knee.

He looks at me for a few second and then back hands me. His rings cut my cheek and I fall to the floor. I don’t have the energy to fight him right now, I just lay there with my face pressed against the cool marble floors.

“The fucking games. Why won’t you just tell me what is going on!” He sighs, he gets up and steps over me and walks out of the bedroom, leaving the door open.

I stay there and close my eyes. I put my hand on my stomach, “We will be ok.” I whisper to myself.

I get myself up and decide to go face him. I know he has these mood swings but I am having my own right now to.
I also know there is never going to be a good time to give him this kind of news.
I see Jay and Lucas standing by the office door so I know where he is. I quickly change into some every day clothing and walk quickly to the office door.

“Who is in there?” I look at Jay for an answer. 

“Just him.” He gives me a nod to enter.
I push the door open and he jumps to his feet.

 “What are you doing?” He gets up quickly and starts walking towards me.

“Sit the fuck down.” I order him.

His eyes are open wide at me and he lets out a little laugh as he takes a seat. I push his chair away from the desk and hop up and sit on the edge facing him.

“How can I help you darling?” He reaches his hand to run up my thigh, I know this game. 
He wants me to forgive him for hitting me, but he knows me. 

I slap him as hard as I can, he turns his face toward me and a huge smile appears on his face. ‘That’s a good way to get his attention Kat. Great Job.’ I didn’t mean to hit him that hard. I left a hand print on his face.

“Doesn’t feel good does it?” I bite my lip, knowing things are about to get messy.

He stands up and walks up to me, I don’t flinch. “You have no…”
I push him back giving me enough room to kick my foot out and land it in his stomach. He stumbles backwards and lets out a groan.
I quickly stand up and run to the other side of the desk, “I need to talk to you.” My breaths are heavy.

“And you thought this was the best way to have a discussion?” He stands up and walks over to me. 

I stumble backwards and fall, J is quick to take over and sits on top of me, straddling me and pinning my arms above my head. His face is close to mine as he leans in.

“Now, what comes out of your mouth now will decide what happens next.” He has his lips my by ear, “Proceed darling.” He leans back to he can look at me.

I wiggle under his grip trying to get free but he is in full control. I stop and look into his eyes, I can feel mine watering. My heart is beating fast and I feel like I am going to vomit again. 
He expression changes from angry to concerned, he lets go of my hands and leans back, still straddling me. 

“What is it? Are you ok? I need you to answer me Kat and if you lie…” He was going off on a tangent.

“Im pregnant.” A sob leaves me. I cover my face with my hands as i begin to sob uncontrollably. I can’t even force myself to look at him. I let out a frustrated scream into my hands and the tears have no intention on stopping soon.

I feel him get up off me and I just continue to lay there, I can hear him pacing the floor and breathing heavy. Minutes go by as I lay there and my tears finally dry and a headache sets in.

“Get out.” His voice was low, he opens the office door to let me out.

I stayed on the floor a few seconds longer, trying to gain some composure.

“Get out!” He yells and his voice rings through the house.

I get up slowly, everything feels heavy. I wipe my cheeks, a few tears roll down, I look at him as I walk out of the door, his face twisted with pain. 

“Out of the house.” He growls at me as I walk past him. 

“J.” Im taking in quick breaths, “Please can we..”

“Get out, now.” He closes the door as soon as I step on the other side.

I stand outside the door, staring at it like I might be able to see through it, see what he is doing. 

I slowly  start walking towards the stairs, my eyes wonder into the bedroom, the things that just took place in there and that have many times, the conversations we have had that brought me so close to him, the touches that would send sensations through my body, the comfort he brought me, the feeling of his cool skin turning warm as he held me against him.
The emotions that ran through this room seem to be crumbling the longer I stare at it.
I make my way downstairs and don’t say anything to anyone, for fear of another break down.
I open the front door and look back at his office, the doors still closed. 
Lucas gives me a pitiful look and I know he wants to come and stop me, but he also knows that could cost him his life.
I hold my finger to my lips telling Lucas not to say anything about me being kicked out. I fear for Jackie’s life when she does find out.
I close the door behind me.

I walk down the driveway, I go left and walk a few blocks away from the house, I have no idea where to go, my mind has a thick layer of fog around it.
I sit on the sidewalk, I can still see the house in a close distance, I curl my knees to my chest and put my face in my hands. Its a soft cry comes and I don’t try and stop it. 
I sit there and think of the future, fear finally sets in. 
Raising The Jokers child, what will it be like, was J always troubled?
Being a mom, a single mom.
Wondering how will I do this alone.
What if he has me killed?
I can feel the cracks in my heart start to form. I can’t sit here any longer, I groan as I get up and start walking further from the house.
His house.
My thoughts are scattered and  haven’t been paying attention to where I was walking to. Night is starting to fall and I’m exhausted, mentally and physically.
I still haven’t heard from J or anyone for that matter, no one checking in or making sure I am even alive.
I have no wallet, no money, no food, no clothes. I curl up in the corner of an alley, I’ve walked far enough for the night. I know this isn’t the safest place but my mind isn’t completely clear and this seems like my best choice right now.

A few small drops of water land on the back of my head. I look up and thunder cracks and instantly the rain water pours over me. The water is warm and I let out a smile. It’s almost a comforting feeling, like a shower.
I stand up and walk back out on the sidewalk, I take a deep breath before tossing my head back and opening my arm as to embrace Mother Nature and all her glory.

People walking by stare and I don’t even give them a glance. I stand there for a few moments with my head back and my arms out, I start to laugh. I spin around and laugh as the rain soaks through my clothes and my hair. The rain seemed calm compared to how my life had been going and I capture the feeling. I let my arms down and just smile into the sky as the rain washes away evert last tear.

I wrap my arms around myself, “We are going to be just fine.” I whisper. 


I hear the door close and crumble to the ground. Thats it. She’s gone. 
I can’t deny the feeling in my chest, making me more uncomfortable by the second. Its a wretched feeling. 
I pull myself up and put on the purple coat hanging by the door, I open up the office door and Lucas and Jay shift in their spots. I walk to the railing of the stairs and look down at the front door. 

“I need to find her.” I walk down the stairs quickly and rush out the door. I don’t try to keep the rain off me, I just know this pain won’t go away till I see her again. I get in the passenger seat of the first car i see. 
Jay was quick to follow and get in the drivers seat, he speeds off.

Hours have passed and a glimpse if the sun is peaking though, I see a curled up figure in an alley. I know its her.

“Stop!” The car comes to a halt. I quickly open the door and scream her name.

She doesn’t hear me. I tell Jay to go ahead and walk a little closer. She is curled up with her head back and her eyes closed, smiling. 

Such madness runs though something so calm at times, how could i even contain it. Contain her. I want to run m fingers against her smooth skin, wrap my arms around her shivering body, bring her home.
She looks peaceful though.
For a few seconds I forgot the whole reason this came about. 

“Kat.” I walk closer and her eyes shoot up at me.


Im sitting there curled up in the alley trying to keep warm, thinking of the good times with J. A smile creeps across my face.
I tune out all the noise and try to picture raising a child with him. I laugh a little.I try to imagine him rocking a baby to sleep, feeding it, bathing it, loving it.

Im taken away from the happy images by my name.
I look towards the voice and it’s J. I scoot back out of surprise. He kneels down by me. Our eyes meet and both of us are speechless for what feels like forever.

He breaks it, “We can’t.” He loos away.

I give him a smirk, “No, you can’t.”

HIs face goes soft, “Kat, I..”

I cut him off, “No, its not that you can’t, it’s that you won’t. Are you fucking bat shit crazy? Absolutely. Are incapable of love? I really just think thats a lie you have been told and tell yourself now. You don’t want people too close.” I sit up on my knees to meet his level, “You think I am going to intentionally hurt you, like I want to see you suffer. I have loved you through everything J. I will continue to love you.” 

He stands up and backs up a few steps, the rain is falling hard and it feels like I have to yell to be heard. I stand up and get close to him again.

“Every up and down I have had with you made me stronger, as a person. I don’t want to go back to a mundane life, but I will if I have to. I will say goodbye to you for the last time right now J, all you have to do is make a decision.” I grab his arm and place his hand on my stomach. 

He doesn’t say anything, he just look at me. He slowly takes a step closer to me and pulls me close. He kisses me. 

Originally posted by false-starts-young-hearts

Both of us soaking wet, rain drop welcome themselves into our mouths as the kiss grows. His hands reach around me and he pulls me close to him, but he break the kiss and my body temperature was just starting to warm up. 
He eyes stare right into mine. I bite my lip, nervous of his decision.
He leans in close, his lips near my ear, I close my eyes.

“I’d do anything for you.” He whispers.

Defender of Universes || Darkness

Title: Defender of Universes (Part 1/?)
Rating: T (for imagery and violence)
Summary: We all know Rose ended up back in her own universe to help save the world from the Daleks. But what happened before she got there? How did she become the leather-clad soldier who appeared on the street holding her gun like it was an old friend?
Characters: Rose Tyler, Jackie Tyler, Pete Tyler, Mickey Smith

Notes: I’m going to post an actual timeline for people to reference, but for the purpose of this story, I assumed they were in the parallel universe for about five months before the Doctor broke through to say goodbye.

Any and all critique, comments, etc. are welcome. This is my first time trying a canon multi-chapter fic, and anything I can do to improve would be just lovely. (I also love compliments *hint*)

Five Months
It was Pete, surprisingly, who came in to see her when all was said and done. 

It took three days for everything to finally come crashing down. As soon as they got home from the beach, Rose locked herself in her room, tossed her suitcases in the corner, and curled up in her bed. Every now and again she could hear someone rustling around outside her door, but no one ever knocked or tried to get her to come out. She had a feeling they were leaving food outside the door, but she never tried to get up to get it.

She wasn’t hungry. She wasn’t tired, but she still slept because really there was nothing else to do.

And of course when she slept, she saw him. Fading away before her eyes. Never finishing that damned sentence.

God she hated him.

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As The Blood Flows (1/1)

Title: As The Blood Flows
Rating: K+
Genre: Canon Divergence, Vampire AU
Word Count: 2788
Pairing: Nine/Rose
Summary: Rose Tyler had a secret. A secret she thought she’d have to keep forever. Until she met the Doctor.

Notes: Happy Halloween! This is just a little thing that’s been bouncing around in my head, and figured it was time to actually post a story on this account. Enjoy!

Rose Tyler had a secret.

It was a well-kept secret, one she’d had for over two-hundred years. One she would continue to keep for the rest of her life.

“Don’t know why you keep that job,” Jackie commented as Rose made her way into the kitchen, whipping open the fridge door.

“Because daytime telly is awful,” Rose informed Jackie, finding the bottle of blood in the back of the fridge and draining half of it in one sip.

“Hey, save me some, not gonna be able to get more until next week. And the telly isn’t that bad.”

Roes rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. I’ll see you tonight.” She swooped in to kiss Jackie’s cheek, then she was on her way. It was overcast today, thankfully. She could take the sun in small doses — the time it would take her to get to work wouldn’t do any damage. But she liked cloudy days better anyways. They made being outside actually enjoyable instead of just something to get through.

God she missed being able to enjoy the sunlight. It was always the small things, the tiny, insignificant little details that most people took for granted. Like sunlight.

It had been two-hundred and thirty-two years since Rose had been turned by a careless vampire who hadn’t managed to kill her. Two-hundred and thirty-two years since she’d been found, nearly starved to death, by Jackie, who took her in and showed her that there were ways to survive without killing.

Two-hundred and thirty-two years since she’d become a vampire.

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The Nickname Habit

They have nicknames for each other.

When you spend extended periods of time with a person, you can’t help but notice their habits, their quirks and their mannerisms. When it comes to phrases, petnames, inflections and noises, it’s not that you notice them, it’s more that they start to infiltrate your speech and every day life.

Living with Amelia was quite tough for me. I grew up with no siblings but through Derek I was thrust into a world of mayhem, chaos, familial teasing, undying love, unquestionable loyalty and a number of other qualities that were a given to the Shepherd family. He was the reason I got to know Lexie, he was the reason I started to hear Maggie out, and he is the reason I lived with the youngest Shepherd in my house for a few years. It’s what he would have expected me to do.

The first Amelia-ism I picked up was the most inappropriate one. She has a dirty mind and I’m not sure whether this is a defense mechanism to alleviate any discomfort she experiences at the time of using that dirty mind but it seems to show itself fairly regularly.

It must have been a Sunday morning because Amelia was getting ready to go a church service (her dip into Christianity lasted a mere three weeks), and we were bustling about the kitchen, the three children happily eating their breakfast at the table. Maggie was in the process of chopping a pineapple and struggling to get the knife through the centre.

“Ugh, it’s too hard,” she had said, huffing and slamming the knife on the side.


The sound had blurted out of my mouth at exactly the same time as Amelia’s. It’s not that I think this insinuating noise belongs to Amelia, it’s just that out of all the people in my life, she’s the only one who is immature and boyishly charming enough to use it and find it funny. We looked at each other, her face filled with glee and amusement and mine with a mix of shock and shame. She’d done it, she’d managed to manifest herself into my speech. I was so used to hearing that sound after any suggestive comment that could be taken out of context, I had instinctively made it out of habit. That was first of many “whey” slips made by both myself and Maggie, and every time Amelia’s face would light up.

The second Amelia-ism I picked up was a code. It was a code between just us two, making me feel like an actual sister to her for the first time, regardless of blood. The reason this code had to exist was actually due to the third sister- Maggie. She was great to live with ninety percent of the time but the other ten was like hell on earth. Who knew Maggie had a dark side?

I had come down the stairs to a furious Maggie’s voice, yelling at Amelia for being so thoughtless over leaving her washing in the machine for more than a few hours. The next thing I saw was Amelia fleeing the scene and as she brushed passed me I heard her whisper four simple words in my ear.

“Jacky is here, run.”

I was baffled. I had no idea what she was talking about, who Jacky was, why I had to run… After going into the kitchen and getting a telling off myself, a sudden realisation crossed my mind. I asked if Maggie was on her period and she scowled, rolled her eyes and sulked out of the house. I don’t think she returned for a good two hours.

A month or so passed and again, I walked into the house to find Maggie- sweet, innocent and gentle Maggie- ripping up pages of a magazine and throwing them at Amelia’s face. She was quite obviously drunk and stumbling about the room. I was beginning to think she was mentally unstable before realising it was her turn… her turn to bleed.

“It’s not my fault I don’t give a crap about coupons Maggie, I ripped one freaking page and the coupon was for a pizza takeaway. YOU CAN’T EVEN EAT PIZZA- YOU’RE GLUTEN FREE!!!”

“SOMEBODY ELSE COULD HAVE USED IT,” Maggie screamed back against Amelia’s logic. I had sighed as I witnessed the argument and as Maggie stormed out of the room, Amelia turned around to me and smiled. She said something about Jacky taking over and laughed it off.

A couple of months later and I had picked up on the use of Jacky as a nickname for Maggie’s Jekyll/Hyde character switch. I sent Amelia a text to warn her that Jacky was in town and got a reply moments later saying that she’d get the tranquiliser dart ready. To this day, Maggie still doesn’t know we call her Jacky when she’s on her period. In fact, just last week I passed Amelia in the corridor with Maggie right beside me, and as Maggie promptly stopped and scorned her for being late for a consult, all I had to say was “Jacky” and a knowing smile appeared on Amelia’s lips.

The third Amelia-ism I picked up was the phrase “I mean…”. She used it about thirty times a day and applied it to any situation. She never finished the sentence, all she would do is say “I mean…” in a very high-pitched voice and with a scrunched up expression on her face. Why would she need to finish that sentence? It said everything she needed it to. If she had just made an excellent suggestion, there it was. If she was in the middle of an argument, it appeared. Even if you just uttered a good morning greeting, she’d find a way to make it work. It even came with hand gestures which you couldn’t help but copy too. After a few weeks of living with her, my kids were saying it, I was saying it, Maggie was saying it and even Owen was saying it.

They have nicknames for each other.

The fourth Amelia-ism I noticed but thankfully haven’t picked up is the nicknames she and Owen have for each other. I suppose you could call this one an Omelia-ism. I had been at the dating game for a few weeks and when Amelia met one of my dates at the end of the night by chance, her look had been dark and tense. I was petrified of her reaction to me trying to move on from Derek. I didn’t want to insult anybody, I didn’t know how to handle it or when the time to move on was supposed to be. To me, it seemed like I had been through the grief, the acceptance and that three years later, I was potentially ready to dip a toe into the dating pool.

Once I had said goodbye to the man, Amelia had been waiting for me in the kitchen. Judgement, all I saw was judgement. She had raised an eyebrow and given a very unimpressed head tilt and I felt like she was about to lash out.

“I mean…” she said, her trademark line naturally coming out and a grimace crossing her sleepy features.

I didn’t respond but simply raised my hands in a questioning gesture.

“Seriously?” she said. Perhaps she had also picked up some Meredith-isms from me.

“What?” I cautiously asked.

“Is he dying or something?”

“What do you mean?”

“The only way I could possibly imagine you agreeing to go on a date with that man is if he were dying… is he dying?”

“No, Amelia!” I exclaimed, a little shocked at her judgement. I paused before asking, “Are you angry?”

“Nooooooooo,” she said, drawing the sound out. “I’m glad you’re getting back in the game… I’m just a bit disappointed in your taste though…”

“Yeah, well, you have to give everyone a chance,” I shrugged.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Amelia argued. “He was like a stick insect, and he was short. You need… tall, cuddly, big and muscly.”

“No,” I stopped her, “that’s what you need Amy. You need a bear, I just want a man.”

“What?!” She had gone a bit pink in the face.

“You literally just described either a bear or Owen… take your pick.”

That’s how the conversation went between us two and before long, I had noticed Amelia sometimes calling Owen “bear”. I couldn’t work out whether I wanted to laugh or be sick from the petname but every time she called him it, he would have a little bemused smile on his lips for the shortest of seconds. It was cute. They were cute. She had waited a long time for cute so I didn’t mention anything, but every time I heard it my thoughts turned to Derek teasing them from wherever he was watching.

They had been together properly for a year or so and Bailey had insisted on helping his Auntie Amelia move in with his Uncle Owen. It took three days of packing, lifting, rearranging, painting… She still owes me big time for that, and Bailey. That kid got more paint on the wall than his clothes, which was pretty impressive considering how white his black jeans were when he got home.

Owen had carried the last of the boxes down the stairs before calling up to Amelia but he didn’t call her name.

“Button!” he yelled. I frowned and narrowed my eyes, cocking my head at the unfamiliar term, but seconds later came a reply from Amelia that she was coming. I shrugged it off and thought that it must have been some sort of mistake.

Weeks later I got a text from Owen saying:

Good morning little Button, sorry I had to leave this morning. I’ll make it up to you, promise. B x

I assumed the B on the end stood for Bear, having heard that nickname many times. I also assumed that he didn’t mean to send this text to me, considering the “Button” and the making it up part. Seeing the nickname written down reminded me of the moving day and I laughed almost despairingly at the silly, teenage-like love they seemed to have. I wondered how the name Button had come about but never asked.

On their wedding day, I got my answer. It was first thing in the morning and of course- of course- there was a hysterical freak out. I was summoned to my bedroom where Amelia had been having a bath, a barrage of flashbacks flicking through my mind of being in this exact same position years before with Cristina, the difference this time being I had absolutely no doubts. They called each other Button and Bear for fuck sake, they were in stupid amounts of love! Like the hero I am, I reminded her of this and the crisis was easily diverted.

A simple day filled with laughter and love, my mind naturally wandered to how much Derek would have loved it. You sometimes have these fleeting moments that punch the air out of your stomach as a widow. You have no idea when the next punch will be but over time they gradually become less frequent and sometimes, even allow you an inch of breathing room. That day however, I became a human punching bag for the moments. She walked down the stairs, dress on, hair up and makeup ready, and WHOOMPH, all the air vanished. She was stunning and all I could see in my mind was that proud smile Derek used to do when Amelia didn’t know he was watching her at work. She caught my eyes and I knew we were both thinking of him, and WHOOMPH, I had to remind myself to actually suck oxygen in. She hugged Maggie and I and asked if we would ride in the car with her to the church, and WHOOMPH. Watching her all day, WHOOMPH, then seeing the stupid, stupid amounts of love Owen threw at her was just… WHOOMPH WHOOMPH WHOOMPH.

That night, we were all staying in the hotel where the reception was and as the party was dying down, I found a quiet side room. I sat in the dark, and I cried. In hindsight, it was a rather morbid way to finish the evening but I just needed a moment to refill my body with the air it had been robbed of throughout the day. The music had eventually stopped, conversation died to nothing and as I cautiously reentered the reception room, although I saw no-one, I heard their voices. Specifically his. Owen’s- not Derek’s. I’m not that crazy.

I had no idea where they were but I could hear them so clearly. They were talking about Derek, Amelia telling him that for years she never worried about the father-of-the-bride speech because she knew Derek would be there to fill in for him. I had suspected that this was why there were no speeches during dinner. That, and Owen’s best “man” was Callie who was awful at public speaking.

Owen told Amelia he’d prepared a speech from memory just in case she changed her mind about having them and asked if he could recite it to her now that they were alone. I sneakily took my phone out and started to record, wanting to remind them in times of need or worry about this moment. It was the audio version of mine and Derek’s post-it note, the physical reminder you sometimes needed. I remember biting my lip at the cuteness overload as Owen began to speak.

“Good evening friends, family, loved ones, little ones, and an extra special good evening to my beautiful wife… by the way, whenever I say wife in this speech you have to imagine everyone in the room wooping and clapping and stuff…” Amelia’s giggle signalled that she would. “So I begin with some thank yous. Firstly to the wonderful people who helped us organise this whole thing- Addison and Charlotte… I’d hand them some presents at this point and generally thank them for all their hard work and understanding at our inability to make any decision when it comes to themes or place settings. Not our forte is it?”

“Nope,” she agreed.

“And then a big thank you to the bridesmaids, Meredith and Maggie, who put up with my wife’s crazy for the last few months and if the rumours are correct, especially this morning…”

I heard a soft thud followed by a manly wince, imagining the force she’d put into the punch.

“I want to also take a moment to think about Christopher and Derek… I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing Amelia’s father but having heard every tiniest of memories from her years with him… all I know is that I aspire to be that kind of dad. I hope to one day be as honorable and great a father to our own children as he was to the Shepherd family.”

Silence fell for a moment.

“You ok?” he asked her, sounding as though he was smiling. I assumed he’d seen a tear in her eye and this was confirmed by a small sniff. “Want me to go on?”

“Yes please,” she whispered, her voice shakey.

“I did have the pleasure of knowing Derek… If he were here today, he would be here as not only brother-of-the-bride but also my best man. Sorry Callie! He would have been the heart and soul of this party and loved every second of it. He wouldn’t be able to wipe that ridiculously large grin off his face- that one he used to pull when he was smug or proud of something. He’d be pulling that ridiculously large grin because of my wife. Her beauty, her growth, her love, her… everything. Derek would have been so proud to walk you down that aisle today and although I didn’t know your dad, I know he’d have been exactly the same and I’m guessing would have had that exact same grin.”

The sniffs were increasing with intensity and I had to control my own tears that were readily flowing down my cheeks as I pictured that ridiculously smug and proud grin of my husband’s. I thought of Zola and Ellis on their wedding day, and in that moment I desperately prayed and wished to every God and star that Bailey could be there for them.

“And finally, I’d like to say just how much the little Button sat here means to me.”

There it was, that nickname. A small chuckle escaped her, nasal from the crying she’d obviously done.

“Years ago, Meredith had told Amelia that what she needed and what she wanted was a bear… Amelia told me that night that there was some sense in it and I think I probably laughed at her. But then she looked up at me with those big eyes, and told me very sincerely that she would be calling me Bear from that point on. Credit where it is due, she has done that. She even did it in an OR once…”

Amelia chuckled, as did I, at the memory.

“…I hated it at first but she wore me down by telling me that my hugs were as big as a bear’s and that I made her feel safe, as if guarded by a bear… I think at this point I would have made everyone stand up and give their neighbour a bear hug by the way!”

Amelia laughed, whole-heartedly, sniffs dying away.

“Anyway, I felt like I needed to get even with the nickname and so started calling her Button. Before long she asked me why… my reason was always that annoying response of "because”, which would always lead to a bickering match and a punch to my arm no doubt. The reason I never told her was because I wanted to tell her on our wedding day…

“Amelia, you are as cute as a button… I remember you asking about my preference of ladies’ height before we even started dating and I lied and said I didn’t mind. Realistically, every time you stood next to me, the height difference made me smile. The dimples when you smile? Cute. The way you gesture with your hands? Cute. The "I mean…” thing you always do? Cute. The way you look at a scan and absent-mindedly trace patterns with your fingernails? So cute. You are as cute as a button.

“The reason I can say you’re as cute as a button and it not be patronising is because the other side of you is the complete opposite. You’re fiery and passionate, nerdy and you geek out over brains, you scare me sometimes, you’ve got a wicked streak, you’re dangerous… you’re just this inner hurricane of complexities and juxta-positions that I love.

"The more I’ve used the nickname, the more meaning it’s gained though… Buttons keep things together, which is exactly what you’ve been doing since I fell in love with you. I thank you forever and love you always.”

She was sniffing again from emotion and hopeless soft giggles kept escaping her. Sounds of them kissing made me stop recording and begin the walk to the exit. It was then that I saw a bit of her white dress peeking out the bottom of a table-cloth.

They have nicknames for each other, and it annoys the crap out of me. Nobody likes those couples- those couples that have petnames and make oggling noises at each other and perform eskimo kisses on public transport to quite literally rub their noses in our faces. However, after hearing the meaning, it has become a bit more bearable (excuse the pun) and eventually, years later, I even succombed. For one Christmas, and one Christmas alone, I addressed their Christmas card to “Button and Bear” as a joke. A text buzzed through from Amelia on Christmas day:

Thanks for the double pushchair… Christopher and Charlotte fit in it perfectly. Love Button and Bear x

A/N: other “habit” one-shots can be found here and if you now feel nauseous from all that fluff, smut will be posted soon…

MEET & GREET! Submit your meet-and-greet stories to bryanstarsfanpictures@gmail.com. They are posted throughout the week.

I was privileged to meet Falling in Reverse on Warped Tour and man, I couldn’t be more lucky. I got there very early being one of the first in line and as soon as 2:30 hit, my palms were sweaty. I saw Ronnie then Max, then Ryan and Derek and Jacky and I was SHAKING. I started sobbing as I went down the line telling each and everyone how important they were and how much I loved them. But it didn’t end! Ronnie and Max left first after the big line and I got to shake Ronnie’s hand and touch Max’s arm. Then Derek came out and as I’m SOBBING I said I love you Derek!! And without hesitation he gave me the biggest hug and said “You’re awesome.” That made me cry more and I eventually got a photo with him and he said I was sweet and he was a SWEETHEART. Ryan then came out and I was sobbing and he said “Hi, are you okay?” That made me sob more but I eventually was like yes. I got a hug and a photo with him and he was a doll. Then Jacky was selling stuff so I bought a poster but he gave me a hug and I got a photo with him too. After their show, Jacky gave me his guitar pick!! Ahh!!! I was front row and life was SWEET! I wish June 26 never had to end. 

MEET & GREET! Submit your meet & greet stories and photos to bryanstarsfanpictures@gmail.com. You are emailed back when they will be posted to the website.

27 February 2015 I walk in, get the album. Walk out, stayed in line for 10 minutes.I walk straight in and when I do I start shaking. I film it as well. I saw B.Lay & I started shaking even more. I saw Jacky, I shook even more. I walk closer & closer, and I can see fans getting the things signed. I walk slowly, confused looking at people, I look at Ryan Seamen, and i immediately just die. He was so nice and kind, he signed it & passed it to Derick. I look at him like oml. I look right, & there’s Ronnie, my head starts spinning crazy. I look at him while Derick signs my canvas & say hi Ronnie - he replies ’ hey ’. I moved on to him and he shook out his hand, and I was so damn awkward. I actually hesitated. I shook his hand, & I’m pretty sure he gave me a high five. After that we had a convo : Me: I think I’m gonna die. Him: I think we need an ambulance. I start to laugh & I’m like ’ I love you Ronnie’. I pick up the canvas & lend it to Jacky, we had a tiny convo aswell. Me: ’ I bought a guitar cause of you ’ Him: ’ aw that’s awesome, high five? ’ I gave him a high five & that’s when I felt dizzy. After that, I cried for 2 hours straight & felt sick . Best day of my life.