but i like how it turned out too

I still have bad days… Days when ‘happiness’ seems more like a mirage than a destination. Every time I seem to get close to it, it jumps further away again just out of reach. Sometimes it feels like I’ll never get there… Like I’ll never be okay.
But when I look behind me at everything I’ve been through, I see how far I’ve come. I see the pain I endured and the inner demons I battled to get where I am now and I KNOW without question that I’m never going back. And if I’m not going back - then that only leaves forwards … And that’s when I turn around and keep going.
I’ve come too far give up because of one bad day.
Bad days end.
New days begin….
and tomorrow will be better.
This is NOT okay.

So, earlier I said that I would write about the “UNCOUNTABLE loose ends” in this episode. But I do not only want to write about that; I want to get those shitty doubtful thoughts out of my system, too, because I’m aware that they are WRONG. Because Moftiss did it wrong. And we don’t and never have.

Yesterday evening truly devastated and traumatised me. I’m not joking here - I still feel like reality comes crashing down on me. And I’m aware that you all out there reading this post might feel the same. It’s a shame how things turned out. And there are countless reasons for that.


Where should I begin this? It’s painful thinking about it, but well, it is what it is, here we go.

At first, I want to talk about the time before the BFI screening:

  • Moftiss repeatedly stated over all the years that this show wouldn’t be about the cases but the relationship between Sherlock and John.
  • Everybody involved in the show promised this to be the best episode so far. And we believed them.
  • They protected it from spoilers vehemently (a promo picture was even removed from many blogs by the use of lawyers), so The Final Problem was the episode we knew least of.
  • They said that it would be “groundbreaking”, it would “write television history”, it would be “beautiful”, a massive “rug-pull”, “insane wish fulfillment”, “something that’s never been done before” and many other things.
  • Benedict said at Comic Con, “Love conquers all.”
  • Amanda even promised us a kiss via Twitter-emoji-hints.
  • Mary died in The Six Thatchers and The Lying Detective was all about reuniting John and Sherlock.
  • Arwel still tweeted elephants after The Lying Detective.

What else would we think but that The Final Problem would be about Johnlock?

Then, there was the BFI screening without NDAs and a lot of other weird things happened: The episode was leaked by Russia and Turkey within less than a day and the people involved with Sherlock twittered about it - “please, do not share #KeepMeSpoilerFree”. No lawyers at all. It felt so ridiculous. I didn’t watch this episode, because everyone said that it would be as absurd as the fact that it was leaked twice WITHIN ONE GODDAMN DAY - Clue-theory was swirring around. Nearly everyone was convinced that the leaked episodes and the one of BFI were fake. I mean, under given circumstances, who would not?

Nobody would stay that calm and be that careless with their “best” episode after being so protective about it, if there was no plan going on under the surface. Nobody would just go and say, “Oh, well, what bad luck! But hey, c’est la vie. Let’s inform all our followers about it and ask them not to share that information we just shared with THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.” Nobody would say, “Just some days left, fuck the final sprint of keeping secrets now, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it, I don’t mind all the effort we took to create this season - oh, yes, and all the previous ones, too, sure. Even though that is ‘everything we’ve been building up for for the last seven years’.”

Oh, you’re telling me that this is exactly what happened? Oh, okay. I see. All plausible. Wait, WHAT?! olaenwoywehdaejf

I wanted to believe in Clue-theory so deeply. I still do. I still want to believe that our Dads are so clever. I want to believe that they love us as much we do(/did).

And then, yesterday’s episode aired. And it was already the first scene that told me that the next one and a half hours would be horrible and hurtful. Honestly, the first half hour I repeatedly felt the urge to cry, as I was forced to watch what the creators did to our beloved characters and show. When they brought in Oscar Wilde, I almost bursted out into tears. And everything was like a cheap joke, a not-so-scary version of Saw and The Ring. NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING really reached me emotionally, not even the reveal of Redbeard actually being Sherlock’s childhood best friend who was killed by Eurus. I was so caught up in the shitty, teary feeling that they messed up the whole series. And the ending … the ending literally tore my emotional life apart. Why is Sherlock visiting Eurus to save her twisted psychopathic psych? Why the fuck are they are playing a violin duett? Why are Mycroft and his parents there, watching like it was a redeeming moment? Why does the coded blackboard say that they trolled us? What do they mean by that? And why does Mary say that it does not matter who Sherlock and John really are, that all that matters is the legend, the cases, the adventures?

Everything in there is ridiculous and unreasonable. I don’t know where to begin. It’s better I leave it like that and point out some of the highlights:

  • Mycroft’s umbrella is actually a gun disguised as a sword.
  • John Locke cried blood red tears. (Me, too.)
  • Mycroft and Moriarty were in contact. Mycroft invited Moriarty to Sherrinford in order to give Eurus her … Christmas present - five unsupervised minutes with Moriarty. Moriarty and Eurus planned everything on from The Reichenbach Fall - predicted everything, FIVE YEARS. Within FIVE MINUTES. (Didn’t see that coming.) They even predicted that Sherlock would choose to shoot Mycroft. No more words needed.
  • The Three Garridebs were just adapted for the sake of … their names?
  • Eurus forces Sherlock to call Molly and make her confess her love for him. Molly refuses, saying Sherlock has to say it first. Sherlock says it - that’s what we get to see in the trailer #2. Why. Just why. I don’t ship Sherlolly, but even my heart was broken by that scene. Sherlock freaked out after that and so did I.
  • John was put in a well by Eurus and chained to the ground - but he could climb up a ladder as soon as it was put there.
  • Eurus was the fake girl on the fake plane. Btw, that girl was played by the same actress that has already taken part in A Scandal In Belgravia.
  • Sherlock “has always been the grown-up”?
  • Sherlock … “forgives” Eurus? He … “feels responsible” for her now?


Either Moftiss trolled us all along, being the worst LGBT+ supportive, queerbaiting sadists in tv history, or they’ve fallen victim to the success of their show, the heteronormativity, as Mary’s “Missed You”-message implies.

Either way, all that matters now is: We weren’t wrong. We believed in something. And as for me, I still do. I won’t stop that. Because this whole episode was created by heteronormativity. This is not the show, not the characters we’ve known and analysed for years now. And I think Moftiss are secretly aware of that, too. What I’m trying to say is: The Lying Detective even confirmed the drink code, the romance. That was so much. Nobody can take these triumphs from us. And TFP shouldn’t ruin the smart revolution we have built up with our knowledge, our minds, our beautiful and clever community.

I especially want to thank:

@quietlyprim: Thank you for your remarkable videos and sharing your belief with us. <3 You’re charming and beautiful.

@loudest-subtext-in-tv: You’re brilliant, your points are mind-blowing. <3 Never stop analysing and writing meta.

And @ all the others, TJLC and Johnlock-believers out there who may be reading this post: Never despair; you deserve so much better. Keep what this community gave to you - a family, revelations, emotional journeys, brain-stormings and so much more. I love you all. You can all be so proud of ourselves.

Concept: Shiro and Matt watching alien movies of all kinds after they’re home safe and Shiro staring at an Alien™ and says “I can probably take that” Matt asks questions like “How are you going to deal with the acid blood tho?" They take turns especially if Matt has been turned  super human like Shiro too, but if he hasn’t he still figures out ways he’d outsmart it 

This afternoon I made multiple attempts at a serious drawing and they weren’t turning out right at all. Only when I finally gave up did I realize how exhausted I was. I’ve spent several consecutive nights up way too late working on my Sherlock and Sherlolly fan art and stressing about things like whether or not my art was good enough for the fandom or why the fandom is so messed up or whether or not I’m weird for liking series 4 or if my ship really did sail or So from here on I’m gonna take better care of myself.

I came up with this little thing to get my daily doodle in for today. The small angry thing is me and what I’m actually wearing today, btw.

If you read all this, thank you. Thank you to my followers and those who have left encouraging comments for me. You keep me going.

Daily Doodle #16 - January 16, 2017

Art belongs to me, do not use or repost without my permission!

anonymous asked:

I need some writing advice. How would you go about writing sick characters? Like, I have an important scene where one of the characters gets food poisoning, but it takes a lot to gross me out so I can't really gauge how much detail is too much

You can describe the lurching and turning of their stomach and the vomit pouring from their throat. But if you’re going as far to describe the color, smell, and consistency of their puke and/or diarrhea… maybe don’t. 

NEKOKA FAMILY: shitpost version

nekoka yuta

  • yumi’s father
  • kind of an asshole
  • pretty sexist too
  • owns a company
  • wasn’t even his company it was his wife’s
  • but her dad didn’t like his daughter either so
  • took his wife’s last name but it was like he didn’t marry her, he married the company

nekoka hanako

  • yumi’s mother
  • little nicer
  • pretty sweet i guess
  • the company was rightfully hers but ye didn’t happen
  • housewife
  • would force yumi to learn how to cook, knit, and shit like that
  • would also make yumi wear pretty dresses and have her hair styled fancily and shit

nekoka yumi

  • yall already know this hoe
  • hella short
  • v bitchy
  • loves cats
  • also loves sports
  • hates having her hair touched
  • moved out of parents’ when she first turned 16 and moved in with her grandma
  • works at her grandma’s cat shelter bless

nekoka yuuki

  • yumi’s twin brother
  • only younger by a minute tho
  • he kinda short too
  • kind of an asshole like his dad
  • also goes to nekoma but yumi and him don’t talk
  • when they do she just tryna fight him
  • loves cats too
  • not really into sports
  • more interested in the company’s future

nekoka takao

  • yumi’s hot uncle on her mother’s side
  • he like 26 or sm
  • he was popped out real late
  • her grandparents were still gettin freaky wit it before her grandpa died
  • didn’t wanna go into the family business
  • instead he became a coach
  • well assistant coach for the nekoma girls’ team
  • it was the best he could do
  • only rich bc of his mom tbh

nekoka chikashi

  • yumi’s grandma on her mother’s side
  • closeted lesbian
  • only fucked her dead husband bc everyone wanted the family to be continued by blood and not adoption or w/e
  • also p rich
  • lowkey named her daughter after the woman she loved
  • can step on me
  • owns a cat shelter on the side


“You are always with someone.” It was always something, something that had nearly no impact on their relationship at all, not really, but Ardyn, or Amator, saw every little bump in the road as a.) the last straw to the camel’s back that was their relationship and b.) Noctis’ fault. “How many times have I told you I don’t want anyone to see us together, yet you’re always with someone as if you don’t want to see me at all.” Heaven forbid Noctis have friends.

This little ritual of arguing was a simple excuse for him to unleash his anger on Noctis. Then, he would soothe his wounds with songs like poetry and sex as rough as a fight or too risky to be indulged in for long. Noctis didn’t deserve the back and forth, the seesaw of emotions, but Ardyn was enjoying the ride. It turned out this game he was playing was almost therapeutic. For him at least.


Mystic Messenger x Cheese in the Trap Crossover

I (horribly) attempted to try and draw MM characters in one of my favorite art styles, which is Soonkki’s, who created the webtoon: Cheese in the Trap. I’m very influenced by their style, especially with how I draw eyes and expressions. So yeah, when I was playing through Zen and Jumin’s route, I can’t help but see some parallels between some MM characters and CiTT, so I’ve been wanting to try and draw them in Soonkki’s style for a while… but I kind of… butchered it lmao.

I love how Sportacus is never even slightly surprised when it turns out to be Robbie causing all the trouble around town. I’m like 80% sure he’s playing along with Robbie’s schemes at this point tbh 



@ishida can u give him a break???? its his birthday ffs