but i know i'm feeling hard

Hi, so this isn’t really like me, but I felt like I had to say this somewhere before I forget or loose this feeling inside my head. 

I..I’m not really open on this, since it’s a more personal issue, but I’ve had difficulty with religion…my whole life. It’s always this back and forth feeling, and today it got the best of me.

I got so mad at myself for feeling that way…I just wanted it to stop. I needed a sign on what to do, on how to fix this empty feeling in me. And before I knew it I started to break down in my room… when I felt something…I don’t know what it was, or if it was even real, but I felt..safe and happy.

Something while I was crying. And I’m..not sure if this will make any sense, but I talked to whatever that was. Or I was just talking in my room to myself for all I knew, but whatever it was gave off this feeling I’ve never had before. And if it was what I feel like it was, I think it was a sign to pursue..what I felt in that moment.m

I’m going to try to pursue Christianity and see how that goes.

There’s only this one old friend of mine who’s part of it, and I feel this calling to go talk to him, since I feel like he’s the only one as of now who could possibly help me. For all I could know this could go horribly wrong, but I..feel like it’s the right thing to do

. I..don’t know exactly how prayers work, but if somebody can pray that I’ll have the strength to find guidance somehow, that would mean the world to me. Or just some thoughts, or if any of you guys have any advice or thoughts on this little experience of mine. That would mean a lot..thank you.

anonymous asked:

I love how you only talk about things the rpc that concern you. I haven't seen u say a SINGLE thing about the ollie situation and it's clear you only care about things that involve you and dont care about others. Nice to see the real you Lacey!

hi okay i said i dont feel comfortable talking about it and if my mutuals wanted support they could im me but the whole thing makes me really uncomfortable dnfjkafn i’m sorry i apologize for not saying anything i just dont want to say the wrong thing i’m really sorry i’m sorry 

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Don’t forget Gorillaz fans, Jamie Hewlett exist! He made all you’re favorite band members come to life in the music videos, shorts, ect! He continues drawing them countless times and works day and night to give you new content with the band members! So please appreciate him!!! ❤❤❤

i wish i could do things right and i wish i had motivation to get up

I wrote this directly after I left my first Harry Styles concert. My emotions were more elevated, and now that I’ve had some time to sit and reflect, I feel a little less raw. Keep that in mind.

I definitely got carried away, just needed to type it out, I guess. It seems a bit mad, and I’m slightly hesitant to post, but maybe someone else can resonate and understand.

Music does fucking weird things to you, man.

Warning: it’s pretty aggressive in terms of “I miss this fucking boyband so much, I cry about it,” but you all know.

It’s not just a boyband.

You get it.


I saw Harry Styles at the Chicago Theatre on September 26th.

Several people have asked me for an update.

First disclaimer: this is less of a concert play-by-play and more of a word vomit. About One Direction. About Harry. About the hiatus, the crazy shit it’s made me feel over the past two years, the future. All a bunch of nonsense - or maybe not - thoughts.

Honesty hour ensues.


Let me preface this by saying I’m grateful. So beyond grateful for all my experiences. I won’t take advantage of that. I never have. Never will.


One Direction holds an interesting pull over millions of people. Me included. I fell in love with them on a whim - it wasn’t intentional. I don’t understand it. I can’t make sense of it. I can’t explain to others why I’m so invested. But at this point, I don’t bother with an explanation. I love to love them.

“One Direction is broken up. You still listen to them?” The amount of times I’ve heard this. I’m homesick for people who don’t know I exist. Moderately crazy, but shows the extent of the soul this band put into their music and performances and relationships with each other. And us. I feel tied to it.

Is any other fandom like this? I don’t know. Nor will I ever know.


Anyone who knows me knows I’ve had a very difficult time with the whole “solo” endeavor. One Direction is the biggest and most important part of my early 20’s, and for it to stop so abruptly and without any closure has taken an embarrassing toll on me. My best friend and I have become sickeningly close during our travels - we’ve experienced seven shows together, one of which was out the country - and to me, One Direction concerts became a place to make some of our deepest memories that no one else can replicate, or understand. I met friends - my Rita - through this band. I met you guys. It’s been two years of wondering and waiting if and when they would make a return into our lives, and then. Instead. We got solo Harry. Full force.

I understand the point of the break. I get it. Overworked. Shit management. I’ve exhausted the topic in my own mind, and with others. Doesn’t mean I’m jumping for joy over it. I’m a 1d stan at heart; I support them as individuals, but when it comes down to it, my loyalties lie with the band.

I’ll be candid and real, which I’m often not on this blog. I initially jumped on the “1d went on hiatus because of Harry” bandwagon. My original logic: he said he was the one who initiated it. He was the one who had solid plans. Louis said he fought it. Niall said he wasn’t ready for it. And after closely paying attention to hundreds of interviews since 2015, Harry has clearly showed his gratitude toward the band - don’t get me wrong - but he’s the only one who hasn’t talked about a return date. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to give false hope. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t know and doesn’t want anyone to read too much into his words. Maybe he’s moved on. Whatever the case, I shied away from his career at the beginning and couldn’t get excited like everyone else seemed to be. It hurt my heart to see him so happy and thriving away from the pieces that helped him with his start, his life. Honestly, I know I would have felt hesitant about whoever happened to go fully solo first (Zayn doesn’t count - that’s a very different situation). Sure, Niall and Louis had singles out last year, but it’s not the same as embracing a new album, a new identity. It just so happened to be Harry first.

Second disclaimer: I hate that the band isn’t together, but I could never hate any direct member for that. Ever. No one is specifically responsible. And I know that.

My vision is clouded. Selfishly, I didn’t want Harry (or any of them, really) to fall out of love with the past because I wasn’t ready to fall out of love with it. It’s brought me so much joy and love and laughter and experiences. It feels like I’m begging please don’t move on without me. I’ve found a major piece of myself because of this band, and as ridiculous as it sounds, I now feel a little lost. Being 25 is weird enough in itself, in terms of career and relationships and generally just being, and now take away the part that gave me stability and my independence, and I’m just. Wandering. Waiting for something to happen to make me feel as happy as One Direction did.

Reading that back sounds ridiculous. But I’m not the only one here.

I know what this looks like, what it sounds like. I know how skewed my perspective is. I’m doing my best to fix it.


I have Harry’s album memorized. I love a few songs, like a few, dislike a few. I guess that goes for every album. His style has changed from what we’re used to, as has some of his lyrics, but the quirkiness is still the same. The heart is still there. I knew it would be.

I was overwhelmed walking into the show. It’s been over two years since I’ve seen a member of 1d on stage in front of me. I had high expectations - expectations for his performance, expectations about how I wanted to feel once it was over. The venue was beautiful. It was the perfect place to listen to this album live for the first time. Echoey and full of charm and personality. Crystals. Velvet couches in the box seating area. Marbles floors and winding staircases. Pink hues across the stage. Simple, effective lighting. Harry. All Harry. No more crowds by the thousands, no more booming music, no more larger than life stage. Somehow, I felt more anxious.

He did not disappoint. But then again, I didn’t expect him to. For the past three years, he’s always done the best job at captivating my attention whilst performing. Nothing has changed in that sense.

It felt like the final nail in the coffin for 1d, kind of. My friend’s words. It’s too hard to imagine him doing this and then going back to a place where he doesn’t get to 100% put his whole self into what he’s doing, and has to share and compromise on ideas. I understand that. It would be counterproductive to work backwards. It wouldn’t be impossible, but it would definitely feel less organic.

Not just for Harry. For all of them.

Doesn’t mean I’ve lost faith, though.

“It’s been two years since we’ve last seen each other,” he said, “and in those two years, I missed you so much.”

I cried from the moment I sat down until I got back to my hotel room.

I like to be overwhelmed by music. But not like this.

I think part of it is because this was only the fourth night of his tour. It’s still brand new. I’m still not well acquainted with it. New territory, uncharted. I sound so ugly for being so conflicted about solo endeavors, especially when I know there were people who won’t get the chance to see him and I did. I’m grateful, I promise. I’m working meticulously to sort my brain from my heart.

I’m seeing Niall in a few weeks. God help me if I feel this royally fucked over from him, too.


Harry has not left behind his roots. That much was clear. I don’t think I was ever really worried about that part, because he’s pure and kind and appreciates everything in his life for what it is. He would never speak an ill word about 1d. Ever. I don’t think he has any ill words. I sobbed when he performed WMYB. I loathe that song. It felt like a small piece of home, anyway, him using their start as a part of his start. He looked gorgeous. He sounded like a dream. He doesn’t have as much room to prance, but he made do. No catwalk, no problem. I missed his voice. His speaking voice, preaching to the crowds about love and bravery. His terrible jokes. His gratitude. Christ, it felt so good to have him in front of me again.

Kiwi was exceptional. The crowd went off. SOTT was overbearing in a beautiful way. Hearing everyone scream “woman!” all at once was a Goddamn experience. The room was deafening for the entire show.

It wasn’t the same. I didn’t expect it to be, but I wanted it to be.

My friend kept saying, “One Direction is so dead and I couldn’t care less.” I care. I hate the division amongst the fans, amongst the media. “Pick a team.” I don’t want to. Right now, my friend loves Harry more than One Direction as a whole, so she doesn’t understand. I’m not going to try to make her. The crowd chanted “Harry” during the encore, and my heart hurt in the strangest way. I told Rita about it. “Ugh. Just Harry.” I knew she’d understand. She almost always does.

I love Harry Styles. With my entire heart. He was happy on that stage. Even while I stood in the back with my face in my hands, I could see that. I’m happy he’s happy. I love nothing more than a happy Harry. The world is a better place when he’s smiling.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel unsettled.

It’s out of my control. Accept the good that comes along with changes. Something I’m learning. Something I’m sure all five original members of One Direction are also learning.


I’m seeing him again on Saturday, in Boston. I’m hoping the initial shock will be mostly worn off and now that I know what solo 1d feels like, I’ll feel more ready for it. More ready for his sequined suit, his smile, his note changes, his band that isn’t the one we’re all used to, the harmonies that bleed together as if it was fate, the lack of three other boys who I miss terribly.

Maybe he misses them as much as I do.


I saw Harry Styles at the Chicago Theatre on September 26th. He was stunning. He moved me to tears. He ran with a rainbow flag, made us scream about pizza, looked beautiful in the neon pink lights. It wasn’t One Direction. It wasn’t better. It wasn’t worse. It was just different. And that’s what I’ll keep telling myself. Embrace being different. It’s what Harry does, after all.


I’m profound in the art of making five days worth of clothing fit into one carry on bag. I can memorize new albums in 48 hours if I have the right determination. I’m able to meticulously plan trips to new cities and venues like it’s nobody’s business. I’ve yet to master the ability, however, of separating love and music.

But I guess those are technically the same thing, anyway.


Thank you for a beautiful show, Styles. Thank you for allowing us into your life, for staying true. I’ve missed you, as a whole, as an individual. I’ll see you on Saturday.


Stay tuned for a second update this weekend. I’m sure it will be much different. I’ll be sure to post some photos, as there will “mainly be prancing.” And what a shame it would be to miss that.

xx Shelly

3

Peter, I know these last few months have been hard for you but I’m going to a better place and I’ll be okay and I’ll always be with you. You’re the light of my life, my precious son, my little Star-Lord. Love, mom.

2

Looks like I have two new sons (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

When you try so hard to keep a person in your life, I think it’s the perfect time to let go. I believe that love or friendship should not be so goddamn hard to keep; if they want you in their life they’ll do whatever it takes to keep you. If they don’t, then you’ll find yourself doing whatever it takes to keep them.
—  If someone was meant to be in your life, they’ll be there with a simple hello.
2

No one said Alex was wearing a beanie, but then again no one said she WASN’T wearing one.

If you like Sanvers, and you like fluff, and you like funny, and you like fake dating and you like good written funny shit, you should absolutely check out @lyook ‘s and @jayenator565 ‘s amazing fic THE WEDDING DATE!!!! (Seriously it’s great, go read it) 

(edit to add this second version, which I like way better)
_____

Please don’t repost anywhere else :) (ORIGINAL TWEET)

when there’s a girl who finally likes you and you think she’s going to confess to you but you like another girl so before she gets the chance to tell you she likes you, you start telling her how there’s another girl who you like but then an older city boy appears and you assume it’s her boyfriend and that you completely misunderstood the situation

(pls forgive me, i’m not a photo editor. i just wanted ot7)

Hey, everyone! I recently hit 100 followers! I’ve had this blog since January and even though I had a rough start and I wanted to leave a few times, I’m very glad I pushed through. I wanted to save a follow forever for another milestone and just do a drabble game for this one but there are so many amazing blogs a wanted to thank. I really appreciate every single one of you guys. This blog has been a safe haven for me, and I can’t imagine how my life would be without it. I’ve felt much more loved on this blog in the short time I’ve had it than on my previous blog, which I had for 2 and half years before I left. Even though this blog may be considered ‘small’ to some people (not that it matters to me), I still feel as if I genuinely matter to all of you, and I can’t thank you enough. I will never be able to fully express my gratitude. I really do care about all of you. All the users that show up under my followers are my friends, and I care about each one of you so much. Thank you all so much for all that you’ve done for me. I’m beyond grateful.

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lately when girls flirt with me i get little flutters inside but i’m not willing to let myself explore these feelings because i live in the middle of the bible belt (((:

4

I loved Saizo’s Ninja Birthday Story! It was amusing, heartwarming goodness.

I haven’t posted fic in a bit, even though I’ve been writing a lot. So…. here’s a thing I typed up because Fuck The Cold.

Familiar!AU random fluff. 

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We try so hard to hide everything we’re really feeling from those who probably need to know our true feelings the most. People try to bottle up their emotions, as if it’s somehow wrong to have natural reactions to life.

anonymous asked:

Hello! So next semester I'm relocating to another state for an internship for 4 months and they will be providing me with a furnished apartment that I have to share with roommates. I've seen your lists for apartments searching, but I was wondering if you have a basic supply list, specifically for the kitchen & bathroom? For the kitchen, they provide us with the fridge and microwave but nothing for the bathroom. I feel like I should already know but I also feel like I'm missing things. Thanks!

Cooking Essentials (Things to buy ASAP)

- 1 pot
- 1 non-stick pan (much easier to clean and use than cast iron)

- Cooking spoon (get one that’s rubber, they’re better)

- Knives (Regular and Bread)

- Plastic cutting board (wooden cutting boards are hard to wash)

- Plates, silverware, cups, etc

Cooking Essentials (Things to eventually own)

- Different sized pots (think Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear)

- Metal mixing bowls

- Tongs

- Spatula

- More cooking spoons

- A top for your non-stick pan

- Kitchen towels (the reusable kind)

- Cooking scissors

- Cheese grater

- Non-stick cooking tray

Food Essentials

- Butter

- Cooking oil (olive or otherwise)

- Milk of your choice

- Salt and pepper

- Pasta/rice

- Protein of your choice

- Fruits/veggies

- Snacks

- Really anything you eat regularly

Bathroom Essentials (things to buy ASAP)
- Shower curtain
- Shower mat
- Toilet paper
- Toothbrush/toothpaste
- Your shower essentials
- Bath towels
- Bathroom bleach or all-purpose cleaner
- Hand soap (foaming liquid hand soap lasts the longest)

Bathroom Essentials (things to eventually own)
- Drain cover (to prevent hair from clogging the drain)
- Plunger
- First aid kit
- Hand towels
- Shower caddy
- Guest shower supplies
- Spa stuff
- Rubber gloves and sponge for cleaning

Remember to always leave your bathroom door or window open when showering! Black mold is no joke

Pentagon asking you out with a language barrier

Scenario: You’re dancing at a Hongdae club with all your friends when suddenly you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn around to see a really cute guy smiling at you, and he opens his mouth to speak. But he says something in Korean, which you don’t know. It slowly dawns on him that you don’t understand…so what does he do?

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